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(Daily Mail)   Study reveals 1 in 12 parents will admit to having a child they love more than the rest, while 11 out of 12 parents lie through their teeth   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 148
    More: Obvious, Jeffrey Kluger  
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4235 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2013 at 7:00 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-22 08:52:43 AM  

Lipspinach: My parents favoured my older brother and now
I am a 50 year old, unemployed alcoholic mess.

My girlfriend is a hell of a lot hotter than his wife though.
Although his wife is an heir to a fortune.

He wins I guess.

My parents sucked.


Dear God, Man.  You're 50.  Take responsibility for the outcome of your own life.  Your mommy & daddy didn't make you an alcoholic mess, and it's not on them to fix it.  You worked hard to create your crap life yourself.
 
2013-02-22 08:53:25 AM  

Earpj: I think that each of my kids have things that I like better. One is better at sports than the others. One is funnier. One is more academic. Things like that.


Then you have a kid like me that is better at all three.  My childhood was a lot tougher because my dad passed away when I was 11 and my siblings were pretty much grown, but I developed a much more outgoing personality and a way broader perspective on things.   I am very good at listening and being positive and just more fun to be around.  I'm the ray of sunshine.  My mom treats all of us the same though.
 
2013-02-22 08:55:29 AM  
My four year old daughter watches all the Marvel and DC cartoons and movies with me because she loves superheroes. She also likes Star Wars. My 1 year old daughter comes running when she hears the DS9 theme and watches it with me. How the hell am I supposed to pick a favorite?
 
2013-02-22 08:58:19 AM  
My oldest brother, as the First Born Male, was automatically the Number One Son (no kiddding - they called him that openly) and therefore the favorite. He was the main focus of the attention and resources. His sports, activities, and camps came first. He was NOT an easy kid, either. My youngest brother (large age gap) is disabled and therefore needed a ton of attention, although he was very difficult (not his fault, circumstances) I was the middle child, the only girl, and very easygoing. And therefore, often overlooked. I always knew I came in second (and then third). If there was a fundraiser at our school, they would blatantly give him the largest order, and give me a small token order just so I'd have something to turn in. If we both played a sport, his games, practices, etc were the priority. I always felt like an afterthought.

Because of this, I am always really careful to make sure to spread the attention and resources evenly between my two. I am obsessive that Christmas  and birthday presents are dead equal. They both get the same number of camps and activities, etc. Fortuately, there is enough of an age gap between them that they are in completely different life stages, and need different things from me. And since one was school aged before the second made the scene, they both got my full (or nearly full) focus as babies.

If we are being honest about a favorite... it changes. One was definitely an easier baby and toddler. But the other one was a lot of fun during the single digit school years. I have more in common with one of them, but tend to do more with the other one, as the one I have more in common with is fiercely independent.

Meh, I could go crazy worrying about it, so I'm not going to. I'm sure I'm raising them both to be reasonably normal, functional adults, and I'm sure I'm still giving them enough material to biatch about their childhoods in anonymous internet forums of the future.
 
2013-02-22 08:58:22 AM  
Least loved child gets away with more, benefits from a lowered bar.


/I should know, I'm a least loved child.
/Don't believe me, ask Jeb Bush.
 
2013-02-22 08:59:10 AM  
Best Christmas gift I got from my Parents.

A couple of years ago my mom told me that she always thought I was going to be the fark up of the family.

Thanks mom, this is why I can't wait to bury you.
 
2013-02-22 08:59:20 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Lipspinach

My parents favoured my older brother and now
I am a 50 year old, unemployed alcoholic mess.

My girlfriend is a hell of a lot hotter than his wife though.
Although his wife is an heir to a fortune.

He wins I guess.

My parents sucked.


At what point should you have stopped blaming your parents for your craptacular life and started blaming yourself?

I'm guessing it was somewhere in the mid-to-late twenties, and certainly no later than age thirty.


You read to much into my post. I certainly don't blame my parents for anything & never have. They were always a very negligible part of my life (except for food/clothing/shelter when I was young). I've made some bad decisions & I own them. There's not a lot of things I would change though; life is a journey, not a destination bleah bleah bleah....
 
2013-02-22 09:02:18 AM  

The Evil That Lies In The Hearts Of Men: The weird thing is often which kid the parents end up favoring. It seems that when faced with a kid who is smart, hard working, on the school sports teams and stays out of trouble and their lazy sibling who has shiat for brains and is always getting into trouble an inordinate number of parents pick the lil' bastard and then go out of their way to make things harder on the good kid.

Even years later when the favored kid has grown up and is an unemployed drunk living in their basement.

I don't get it.


Yep. My lazy, histronic, methhead brother is the only one my mom calls if she needs anything, or with family news. Even though he usually just calls me to handle it for him, or to report what she said to me. In a drugged-up rage last year, he called me up, screaming incoherently about how he hated me and he was going to call CPS and get my kid taken away (weird, we're all doing great and I have no idea why he would threaten to try to have his nephew removed from a loving, happy home). Said he would call both of our offices and claim that we were drug dealers o get us fired. I told my mother what was happening, and all she would say was that "he didn't mean it". She thought I was being too hard on him, when I told her that I didn't care if he meant it or not, to threaten my kid was over the line. I told her fine, she could keep him...it's been almost 8 months since she spoke to me.

Yesterday was her birthday actually, and I didn't call. I feel like shiat, but I don't buy that "buuuut they're family" shiat. I expect better from blood...I cut them off specifically because they were family, and they still decided to behave that way.
 
2013-02-22 09:06:12 AM  
Dad abandoned us all equally.
 
2013-02-22 09:06:19 AM  

Lipspinach


You read to much into my post. I certainly don't blame my parents for anything & never have. They were always a very negligible part of my life (except for food/clothing/shelter when I was young). I've made some bad decisions & I own them. There's not a lot of things I would change though; life is a journey, not a destination bleah bleah bleah....


Actually I just read what you wrote:


My parents favoured my older brother and now
I am a 50 year old, unemployed alcoholic mess.


That looks an awful lot like a statement of cause and effect, i.e. that you were blaming your parents for your current situation.

But if you're owning your decisions and so forth then that's a start.
 
2013-02-22 09:09:09 AM  
I can't say that I love any one of my kids over the others.

Hell, I've never met any of those people...
 
2013-02-22 09:11:44 AM  

GregInIndy: Lipspinach: My parents favoured my older brother and now
I am a 50 year old, unemployed alcoholic mess.

My girlfriend is a hell of a lot hotter than his wife though.
Although his wife is an heir to a fortune.

He wins I guess.

My parents sucked.

Dear God, Man.  You're 50.  Take responsibility for the outcome of your own life.  Your mommy & daddy didn't make you an alcoholic mess, and it's not on them to fix it.  You worked hard to create your crap life yourself.


My life is far from crappy. Sure I've had some hard times but that comes with the territory persuing
music/arts as a "goal". Strangely enough some long-time friends with lucrative careers, families, etc have expressed envy of my lifestyle and what I have accomplished.

I only said my parents sucked, I didn't say I blame them for anything. Sheesh....
 
2013-02-22 09:16:59 AM  
What really sucks, or so I've heard, is when one child is adopted and then a parent noticeably lavishes more attention on the biological child. That can cause some pain and animosity...so I've heard.
 
2013-02-22 09:20:11 AM  
Another good reason to stop at two kids. When you have two, they take turns being your favorite. Also, you love them both and can spend enough time to really get to know them.

Families with 6 or 8 kids -- there's never enough time in the day, and one of those little farkers will make sure to stay in the limelight. Another one will be sure to get pissed off and get attention by being a jackass.
 
2013-02-22 09:26:31 AM  
Both of my 6yo and 10yo girls are fantastic, and I love them both, but this "treat everyone equally" or "give them all equal time" idea is for the birds.  They're different people, at different ages.  They need different things.  They want different things.  They're doing different things.  Why would I treat them identically all the time?  The 10yo simply doesn't need as much attention for many things as the younger one does, but does need things like a ride to a friend's house that the younger one doesn't need.  The younger one definitely wants more playtime together.  The older one's more brainy/sporty and the younger one's more girly/imaginative.  They're both hilarious but it's like Cracked vs. a New Yorker cartoon.

I like the commenter above who tells his kids he dislikes them both equally.  I'm going to steal that.

I think I have a bit more interpersonal affinity with the older one, but I also think a lot of that's just because she's older and capable of doing more.  I'm certain I'll do similar things with the younger one when she's the same age.
 
2013-02-22 09:27:16 AM  

EvilEgg: "Love" more, no I don't think so. "Like" more, yes absolutely.


This.

Like with any other people, some personalities just mesh while some have a very difficult time lining up the gears.  Unsurprisingly the wife and I make a good match and the kids who take after her are likewise easier to get along with than those who take after my own stubbornness.  I still love them all and would take a bullet for any of them.
 
2013-02-22 09:27:48 AM  

indarwinsshadow: True subby. So damn true. My oldest son is 23 and I've never connected with him. I love him, because he's my son, but I never really liked him. It's a sh*t thing to admit, but there it is.


I'm the same way with my dad. We just missed a critical bonding time or something. I think we never really liked each other and we haven't spoken in more than six years. He has two grandchildren, one nearly five and one six, whom he's never met and probably never will. His choice.
 
2013-02-22 09:32:03 AM  

LDM90: They ask which one I like more. I tell them I dislike them both equally.

/DA-AAAAAAD!


Sounds like my interaction with my kids.
 
2013-02-22 09:33:01 AM  
I was the golden child. Seriously, my father had 4 children and even my one and only brother openly says that I was always the favorite. I did absolutely no wrong in his eyes and got away with murder. My older sister was a tom boy who hung out with a rough crowd and openly rejected convention, my brother apparently was called a sissy for not being athletic and whining on family hiking trips. Then the next marriage I came out being a girly and feminine and docile as a little girl is expected to be and then my younger sister had ADHD and major behavioral issues. Not to mention while I had blond curly locks she had an unfortunate bowl cut for a long time.

I think I finally fell out of favor when I agreed to marry a ditch digging blue collar boy.
 
2013-02-22 09:34:46 AM  
There were two favourites in our family, me as the eldest - I was an easy child who did well in school and meshed really well with my Dad's personality. And then my baby brother who came 8 years later and was the Golden Boy.  My poor middle sister was defiant and challenging and argued EVERYTHING and I think my Dad just didn't know how to deal with her.  My mom compensated for my Dad's distance by spoiling her.  She has suffered for it into adulthood.

We have two kids, but they're still too new (3.5 and 11 months) to pick a side.  :)
 
2013-02-22 09:35:50 AM  
I am the youngest, my brother is still the fark up. He lives with them (mid 30s) no job, sleeps all the time. This is the 3rd time he's had to move back in since he dropped out of high school. Every time he gets back on his feet he screws up again.

Just had the first grandchild. Mom wasn't there when he was born, left after 2 hours to go to a college football game. Has seen the kid less than a dozen times since he was born and they live less than 20 minutes away (yes, I have gone over there, but it never seems convenient for them, and my mom won't let me leave him there without her being there).

We are moving back to his hometown in PA in April. How many times has she seen him since we told them 3 weeks ago? Once. She made sure to point out that they won't be able to make the trip to see us "unless she sells blood or plasma or something like that."

I am determined to be a better mother than that, but when you've only had that as an example... all I can hope is that I do as best I can and try not to make my son feel like a burden, because that's how she's been with me for a while now. She can barely muster happiness for my positive situation anymore. Always a competition. Has been since I can remember.

Oh parents!
 
2013-02-22 09:38:50 AM  
I was the eldest and have gotten called "the favorite" by siblings as an adult, but I've had less time & attention from my mom than any of my other siblings since leaving for undergrad at 18.

The reason's easy for me to guess.  She doesn't have to worry about me anymore.  I've had my shiat together since high school, and knew it was my responsibility to care for myself.  The rest have had issues.  From me she get's chats & updates about the grandkids and the occasional visit and we're all good.

And hey sibs, perhaps the reason I got a car in high school and they didn't was because I worked and could pay for gas & upkeep on said vehicle, went to community college in the summers, shuttled you kids around when you needed rides, and didn't abuse mom & dad's trust by lying to them about where I am and what I'm doing.  But if I bring that stuff up I'm told I'm mean for reminding them of it.  Many people I've seen complain about a difficult relationship with their parents appear to have complete amnesia about being awful, shiatty lying  SOBs as teenagers.
 
2013-02-22 09:43:41 AM  
We have two kids, but they're still too new (3.5 and 11 months) to pick a side.  :)

Not quite Irish twins, but close enough.
 
2013-02-22 09:46:17 AM  
My brother is the older if us both and he got away with everything when we were kids from my mom. My dad wanted to throttle him at every turn.

Come home drunk at 15? No biggie.

Get suspended repeatedly? It wasn't his behavior the teachers were unfair. My mom would even do his farkin work for him.

Get arrested? Pay for the lawyer.

Total 2 cars, have another one stolen because he left the engine running? Just buy him another one.

Rack up 40k of debt in my moms name? No biggie.

Me get an A minus? I was slacking.

To this day he is a Fark up and she lets him get away with it. It's probably because he's produced two grand kids for her.

My favorite memory of before my dad passed was my brother and mom were having a shouting match and my brother called my mom a farking biatch to her face (like from a foot away). My father, 100lbs, couldn't talk (he had a trachea) and loss the use of his left arm sprang out of his chair and in one fluid motion punched my brother (19 at the time) right across the jaw and floored him. Knocked out cold.

When my brother came to I informed him that he had just gotten knocked the dark out.

He may be blood but he's not my brother. He ignored me for 20 years. So I've written him off. You don't erase 20 years of neglect with an "I'm sorry" and expect everything to be ok.

/and I'm the successful one.
//was dads favorite.
 
2013-02-22 09:46:39 AM  
I didn't even think school activities. Dad would come to every play and choir performance I was in. Every one. Even flew to New York to see one of my performances and insisted on being involved in the Choral Boosters club. When my sister joined the Color Guard and needed rides to band practice and had to go to every football game (where their insane 250+ member marching band would perform any of 5 prepared routines) my dad was a no show. He went to the first game of the year, left as soon as halftime was over and never went to see her perform again in the 3 years she was involved. Now, I can defend him in that because our football team sucked, but we were a nationally recognized ass kicking marching band. But Dad never bothered to go out of his way to see any of her competitions.

My older sister didn't do after school activities. She was into horticulture and zoology so she would hang out at creeks collecting unusual animals to take home and freak out our brother and her mom. Dad I think for the most part ignored her until her grades slipped. My brother was into music though and in Texas, if your school was lousy at football then you better have a good marching band. Basically because he could play just about anything 2 schools competed over him to get him into their marching band. Dad was blase about it because him being a jock had no clue how to raise a scrawny nerd back in the late 70s.
 
2013-02-22 09:48:15 AM  

Earpj: SquiggsIN:
I was the smart kid but, I didn't have children so that's a drawback to potential grandparents.

If one only has children b/c of potential grandchilden? That's doing it wrong.

My smarter one probably won't have children. She's full on Nerd Girl. She's good enough on her own. I don't require her to produce offspring for me to enjoy her company.


What a colossally stupid statement; that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen written on the Internet. Congratulations.
 
2013-02-22 09:48:27 AM  
Overheard my mom talking to someone before I was a teen, she had returned to college and a class was discussing this, and she was telling a friend that one brother was her favorite, another was my dad's. This really hurt my feelings, but hardly ruined my childhood or anything.

OTOH, I was acknowledged constantly by my grandfather as his favorite (and I wasn't even his first granddaughter). We were very close, and had an awesome relationship. It wasn't until I was an adult, I realized how much this sucked for others. He offered me his car when I got my license, my mom told him no, then had to explain to me why I couldn't accept it (he didn't do this for my cousins, so it wasn't fair). I totally agreed but I think that's when I started to realize that it had and could have a negative impact on others.

It was one of those things though when I was born we were just special buddies. When he developed dementia and would tell the same stories over and over, I was the only one who never got bored. I could spend unlimited time with him and just be happy.

I'll miss him the rest of my life. And while yes, it was unfair to my cousins (and it even hurt my mom that I was his favorite) being loved like that by someone made a huge positive impact on my life. I didn't have the best relationship with my parents while I was growing up, so it gave me the sure knowledge that someone loved me no matter what, and someone would be there for me...no matter what.
 
2013-02-22 09:51:02 AM  
Sounds like my sister and I.  I was the "good kid", did band, stayed out of trouble, got good grades, etc.  She was always in trouble, needed constant supervision, etc.  I always suspected my parents liked her more, and years later my mom came *this* close to outright admitting it.  This turn of events bothered me for quite some time, until I got a 1979 MGB.  That thing was a piece of shiat.  It broke down alot, something always had to be replaced, etc.  I spent a lot of time working on that car.  And to this day it remains my favorite car I've ever owned.

So perhaps a factor in the "favorite" dillemma is that of time invested.  When things are humming along, you don't think about it as much or invest time in it.
 
2013-02-22 09:54:35 AM  

Civchic: We have two kids, but they're still too new (3.5 and 11 months) to pick a side.  :)


You're on zone defense now. Enjoy!
 
2013-02-22 09:56:20 AM  
Carousel Beast:
What a colossally stupid statement; that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen written on the Internet. Congratulations.

Thanks.
 
2013-02-22 10:09:41 AM  
Have 1. Problem solved
 
2013-02-22 10:13:12 AM  

Earpj: Carousel Beast:
What a colossally stupid statement; that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen written on the Internet. Congratulations.

Thanks.


Anytime. It's always interesting to see a superlative in action, whether on the good or bad side.

That was seriously dumb, though. It had to be one of those off-the-cuff comments on something you've never thought about before, or one of the most carefully considered trolling comments of all time.

The entire point of any species is propogation. The only reason to have kids is to subsequently have grandchildren; anything else is superfluous.
 
2013-02-22 10:14:40 AM  
My daughter is most like me- opinionated and strong-willed, but still vulnerable. And she's four. My son is completely different. He's one and a half, so we're only starting to see his real personality, but he's more laid back than my daughter. He's also fearless and will repeatedly get into what he isn't supposed to. I know my daughter is more like me, but I couldn't choose between them if you forced me to. I also know that when they are adults, it will be completely different. My family no longer talks to my brother because he's a leech and a manipulator, and his wife is the most horrible human being on earth. My mom has made sure that they will get nothing after my parents are gone. I really hope that doesn't happen to our family, but a bad spouse can ruin a parent-child relationship.
 
2013-02-22 10:17:46 AM  

Carousel Beast: Earpj: Carousel Beast:
What a colossally stupid statement; that's probably one of the dumbest things I've ever seen written on the Internet. Congratulations.

Thanks.

Anytime. It's always interesting to see a superlative in action, whether on the good or bad side.

That was seriously dumb, though. It had to be one of those off-the-cuff comments on something you've never thought about before, or one of the most carefully considered trolling comments of all time.

The entire point of any species is propogation. The only reason to have kids is to subsequently have grandchildren; anything else is superfluous.


Wrong. There are other reasons. Someone has to wipe your ass when you're too old.
 
2013-02-22 10:29:35 AM  
Do any of you have daughters? Say around 18 years of age? Daughters that you didn't love as much as your other children? Especially you, dad!

/send 'em my way. I'll give 'em all the love they so desperately crave
 
2013-02-22 10:31:42 AM  
Both of our children annoy us equally. Some days one annoys more than the other. There are also traits in each where we see ourselves or other family members that sometimes cause us to favor/understand one over the other. But we love them equally. It is hard to explain to non-parents.

/my dad had a favorite, the one child who liked to do things with him
//my dad was so devastated when my brother died in a car accident that he followed him to grave within 3 years
///as the oldest grandson I was the apple of my mother's father's eye and could do no wrong -- wish someone had told me that before he died ...heh heh heh (j/k)
 
2013-02-22 10:32:34 AM  
Carousel Beast:
The entire point of any species is propogation. The only reason to have kids is to subsequently have grandchildren; anything else is superfluous.

Why not just because you enjoy kids? There are plenty of people being born.
 
2013-02-22 10:38:50 AM  

damageddude


Both of our children annoy us equally. Some days one annoys more than the other. There are also traits in each where we see ourselves or other family members that sometimes cause us to favor/understand one over the other. But we love them equally. It is hard to explain to non-parents.


Ah yes, the epic and mystical font of wisdom that is available only to parents. *eyeroll*

Here ya go:

Both of my parents annoy me equally. Some days one annoys more than the other. There are also traits in each where I see myself or other family members that sometimes cause me to favor/understand one over the other. But I love them equally.

There, easily explained in a manner that just about everyone can understand.
 
2013-02-22 10:43:01 AM  
I have only one child. Subby's math is flawed.
 
2013-02-22 10:58:54 AM  
How many of the 12 secretly hate all their little brats for ruining their lives?
 
2013-02-22 11:00:59 AM  

EvilEgg: "Love" more, no I don't think so. "Like" more, yes absolutely.


Way to make the thread unnecessary in one post
 
2013-02-22 11:06:33 AM  

cygnusx13: Have 1. Problem solved


But what if you decide that you love the one you don't have more than the one you do?
 
2013-02-22 11:06:42 AM  
I love my daughter more, my wife loves our son more.  Not to say I don't love my son.
 
2013-02-22 11:19:20 AM  

Insurgent: Thunderpipes: Lipspinach: My parents favoured my older brother and now
I am a 50 year old, unemployed alcoholic mess.

My girlfriend is a hell of a lot hotter than his wife though.
Although his wife is an heir to a fortune.

He wins I guess.

My parents sucked.

Maybe there was a reason for their favoritism. Ever think of that?

i dunno if thunderpipe's parents are alive or not, but i would imagine they would be embarrassed by his internet behavior.

thunderpipe's mom could have aborted him. and then we wouldn't have to read his awful posts. ever think of that?


My parents are proud. I have a good job, can think for myself, and am not a moron liberal who wants to sit around and get free stuff.

Think about it. Almost every Farker has a sob story about the parents who didn't love them and how they are sad and mentally handicapped because of it. Your tears bring my joy.
 
2013-02-22 11:19:54 AM  
foster kid
they ALL were liked better
but I am the only success
and my gal is a hotty
 
2013-02-22 11:24:44 AM  
At this stage I can't say that I have a favorite.

lh4.googleusercontent.com

They're both so dang adorable!
 
2013-02-22 11:27:15 AM  
I hope they like my brother more, they should. I sure do.
 
2013-02-22 11:27:47 AM  
My father has always been obnoxiously in the tank for my sister, who is overweight, has declared bankruptcy, and has substance abuse problems.  Since I am four years younger and getting married in 3 months, she has been scrambling for SOMEONE to marry, finally settling on the bartender she's gone out with and broken up with at least four times (which she told me in a highly inappropriate text once happened because his penis is small... thanks :/ )

Anyway, at one point we were going to share an apartment as adults because she needed a home base to work as a traveling consultant, and the area I was going to work in had very convenient access to an airport.  She'd be in on the weekends and fly out to different sites during the week, I could live in a luxury apartment basically by myself for half price.  Pretty good deal I felt.

When we showed up to move my stuff into the place I was going to live in alone for 3 months because she wouldn't be out of her lease, he was insistent that she should have the big room with the big bathroom and closet.  She wouldn't move in until 3 months later, and she'd only be there 8 days a month, but she deserved that room.

After probably 20 minutes of fighting about it I told him unless he wanted to pay the entire rent for the next 3 months, he should either give up and help or get the fark out, because she would never have that room.  9 months later the arrangement had already broken up because her drinking had caused her to lose her job.  I wonder if things would have been different if she'd just had that big room.

No I don't.  You perpetually bet on the wrong horse old man.
 
2013-02-22 11:31:17 AM  
I don't love one more than the other, but there is one that I relate to better and that is easier to manage.  The other one may be making me prematurely grey, but i don't love him any less.
 
2013-02-22 11:44:29 AM  
jesus christ, this entire thread is issues/tissues bawww. pure cancer.
 
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