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(Cracked)   Still wondering why we have not discovered alien life yet? Here are five insane theories that could explain it, including the theory that we are not worth their time   (cracked.com) divider line 232
    More: Unlikely, Prime Directive, cultural evolution, United Federation of Planets, extraterrestrial life, Crab Nebula, renewable resources  
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19294 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2013 at 2:39 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-21 01:10:35 PM  
Or maybe something is eating all the aliens before they get too developed.
 
2013-02-21 01:16:45 PM  
"What if we're first? Somebody has to be first." Carl Sagan
 
2013-02-21 01:17:55 PM  

Weaver95: Or maybe something is eating all the aliens before they get too developed.


i76.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-21 01:30:45 PM  
Eccentrica Gallumbits

/ I want to believe
 
2013-02-21 01:32:12 PM  
Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space
 
2013-02-21 01:39:34 PM  
For some reason I personally like the theory that there are no aliens. There's something about it that's so abrasive and provoking. It's the possibility nobody wants to hear.
 
2013-02-21 01:44:56 PM  
Maybe if there is intelligent life that communicates in a human like fashion (between individual entities) -then they are simply communicate to slow or too fast for us to comprehend.  Kind of like a starfish, that requires a time lapse camera for us to ponder their locomotion because they are just too slow.

Of course, this is predicated that Alien species are just like us and want to communicate to each other; and have developed intricate Radio systems -probably to listen to pop music.
 
2013-02-21 02:33:21 PM  
We're living in the slow zone.
 
2013-02-21 02:37:52 PM  
I'm a firm believer in the "not worth their time" theory. We are a terrible species with absolutely nothing to contribute to the galaxy. Hell we take away more from our own earth than we could ever hope to give. We've had countless wars, disease, famine, genocide, etc. that I'm pretty sure any alien species that did find us would rather leave us alone to stew on our own planet.
 
2013-02-21 02:40:01 PM  
Aliens would become aware of us from receiving the TV and radio signals that we've been leaking out into space.

This includes CSPAN.

Of course, they'd conclude that we're not worth their time.

/Also Hee-Haw.
 
2013-02-21 02:41:21 PM  
They visit us frequently. The reason the majority of the public isn't aware of it is because they are profoundly stupid, or in denial because Jesus.
 
2013-02-21 02:43:36 PM  
"They have literally let entire civilizations obliterate themselves for the sake of the Prime Directive"


I thought it was a running joke that they always interfered.
 
2013-02-21 02:43:57 PM  

Weaver95: Or maybe something is eating all the aliens before they get too developed.


Themselves?
 
2013-02-21 02:44:12 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I'm a firm believer in the "not worth their time" theory. We are a terrible species with absolutely nothing to contribute to the galaxy. Hell we take away more from our own earth than we could ever hope to give. We've had countless wars, disease, famine, genocide, etc. that I'm pretty sure any alien species that did find us would rather leave us alone to stew on our own planet.


Tonight on Earth channel 1...
files.abovetopsecret.com
 
2013-02-21 02:45:15 PM  
If you had the chance to leave Earth and all of the derp, wouldn't you?
 
2013-02-21 02:46:07 PM  

Rich Cream: "They have literally let entire civilizations obliterate themselves for the sake of the Prime Directive"


I thought it was a running joke that they always interfered.


Well yeah...your episode would be over in 5 minutes if they just buzzed by the planet, looked down, and said, "Pfh! Sucks to be them!" before peeling out in the Enterprise towards the next galaxy.
 
2013-02-21 02:46:29 PM  
We might not be worth the alien's time.


G'Kar: "There are things in the universe billions of years older than either of our races. They're vast, timeless, and if they're aware of us at all, it is as little more than ants, and we have as much chance of communicating with them as an ant has with us. We know, we've tried, and we've learned that we can either stay out from underfoot or be stepped on.  "

Sakai: "That's it? That's all you know?"

G'Kar: "Yes, they are a mystery. And I am both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the universe, that we have not yet explained everything. Whatever they are, Miss Sakai, they walk near Sigma 957, and they must walk there alone."
 
2013-02-21 02:46:47 PM  

Weaver95: Or maybe something is eating all the aliens before they get too developed.


Oh sorry, I was doing that.  My bad.
 
2013-02-21 02:47:20 PM  
My own theory is rather depressing; I think we haven't discovered alien life because effective interstellar travel is completely impossible. There may be no way at all to get around the speed of light limitation, and sub-light travel might be so expensive, difficult, and dangerous that nobody does much of it. What if rockets really are as good as it gets?
 
2013-02-21 02:47:24 PM  
Interstellar space travel is hard, and the more civilization advances, the more its resources become dedicated to making life easier.

They're not here because they've disassembled their stars to create Dyson spheres, within which they can enjoy all the mega-burgers they can smash into their mouths while drinking giga-beer and watching ultra-porn.
 
2013-02-21 02:47:26 PM  
I'm down with "not worth their time".  Predicated on aliens being somewhat similar to us and understanding our communications.

My second choice is aliens are just so vastly different from us, that they are there, but we just don't know of them.  Or they of us.

Who says 'life' has to be carbon based and require air/water?  That's just our version.
 
2013-02-21 02:47:32 PM  

scottydoesntknow: I'm a firm believer in the "not worth their time" theory. We are a terrible species with absolutely nothing to contribute to the galaxy. Hell we take away more from our own earth than we could ever hope to give. We've had countless wars, disease, famine, genocide, etc. that I'm pretty sure any alien species that did find us would rather leave us alone to stew on our own planet.


Ok, Marvin.
 
2013-02-21 02:48:57 PM  
PRIME DIRECTIVE:
"No matter what you do, don't mention the smell."
 
2013-02-21 02:49:11 PM  
Is "they got together, put a big net around our section of space to block everything, and then put up signs instructing everyone not to taunt the dynamite humans" on the list?
 
2013-02-21 02:49:29 PM  
They travel in ships that appear as passenger airplanes, but are undetectable by radar...and the aliens look like common squirrels.
/we're farked
 
2013-02-21 02:49:34 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is.


^^^THIS^^^ So travelling anywhere outside one's home system is well nigh impossible for organic life. Besides, I think that sufficiently advanced societies retreat into Matrix-like virtual worlds of their own creation. If you can't travel through space, bring the other worlds to you, so to speak.
 
2013-02-21 02:50:06 PM  

olddeegee: "What if we're first? Somebody has to be first." Carl Sagan


Then boobies!
 
2013-02-21 02:52:37 PM  
"I'm finally over my intimacy issues, but now I have herpes."
 
2013-02-21 02:52:55 PM  
I think it is far more likely they haven't received any of our transmissions. The inverse square law says that any of our broadcasts are indistinguishable from the cosmic background before it even gets to Proxima Centauri. While a directional beam can go further, it isn't that much further and worse, it's a needle in a haystack problem. Unless they are listening in our solar system, they are not going to hear us.
 
2013-02-21 02:53:24 PM  
It's hard to argue with the theory of not being worth their time. This assumes they are out there, which the Drake equation seems to be making a pretty likely possibility just by mathematical chance alone.

/Not sure what the scarier thought is, that an advanced alien civilization is out there and might find us someday, or that were the advanced alien civilization...
 
2013-02-21 02:55:14 PM  
we're already here and waiting...
 
2013-02-21 02:55:25 PM  
FTA: "So, what would we have to offer them?"

ww4.hdnux.com
 
2013-02-21 02:55:38 PM  

kid_icarus: Rich Cream: "They have literally let entire civilizations obliterate themselves for the sake of the Prime Directive"


I thought it was a running joke that they always interfered.

Well yeah...your episode would be over in 5 minutes if they just buzzed by the planet, looked down, and said, "Pfh! Sucks to be them!" before peeling out in the Enterprise towards the next galaxy.


Right? At that point it's like why even go out there in the first place?
 
2013-02-21 02:57:20 PM  

BafflerMeal: Weaver95: Or maybe something is eating all the aliens before they get too developed.

Oh sorry, I was doing that.  My bad.


It's not your fault. They are just too delicious to resist.
 
2013-02-21 02:57:59 PM  

UberDave: We might not be worth the alien's time.


G'Kar: "There are things in the universe billions of years older than either of our races. They're vast, timeless, and if they're aware of us at all, it is as little more than ants, and we have as much chance of communicating with them as an ant has with us. We know, we've tried, and we've learned that we can either stay out from underfoot or be stepped on.  "

Sakai: "That's it? That's all you know?"

G'Kar: "Yes, they are a mystery. And I am both terrified and reassured to know that there are still wonders in the universe, that we have not yet explained everything. Whatever they are, Miss Sakai, they walk near Sigma 957, and they must walk there alone."


Wonderful scene.  Especially when G'kar lets the ant crawl from the plant, onto his hand then, then puts the ant back on the plant and says:  "How do you think that ant could explain what just happened?"
 
2013-02-21 02:58:01 PM  
Author seems to be confused between the words possibly and probably.

Therefore, the fact that we haven't made contact with any alien civilizations is probably becausethere isn't anything out there to contact.

Read more:  http://www.cracked.com/article_20216_5-insane-theories-about-why-we-h a vent-discovered-alien-life_p2.html#ixzz2LZ6Te8Lu

I would have thought it's more probable that they're just too darn far away to make contact, what with that whole light speed limit and what not, rather than the entire universe, excluding this planet, are incapable of sustaining another civilisation.


It's a big Galaxy, Mr Scott
 
2013-02-21 02:58:12 PM  
If there were a civilization at exactly the same stage as us, broadcasting signals exactly like we are, in orbit around Alpha Centauri, it's possible but optimistic to think that we'd know about it right now. At the limits of signal processing, some of those signals would be decipherable, but not at the effort we're putting into listening right now.  We really aren't listening very closely at all.  On the transmit side, we've sent a half-dozen or so targeted interstellar radio signals, adding up to maybe a half-hour of intentional transmission.  Some of our high-power radar arrays would send tell-tale 'blips' that should catch the possible attention of distant planets (again, assuming they're paying more attention than we are).

But, catching an 'I Love Lucy' episode amidst the noise from even 4 ly away? Not really.  And getting less likely all the time as our spread-spectrum code-division signals look more and more like white noise all the time, less than a century into the broadcast age.
 
2013-02-21 02:58:37 PM  
Reason #2 seems to me to be the most likely.   The galaxy is a big place.  Finding one of, say, six civilizations among 300 billion stars is a tall order even with all the time in the world, and we barely have a moment to spare.

Use this cool calculator.  Dial the "length of time a civilization sends signals into space" back to 300 years and "Number of times civilizations could re-develop" down to one.  Regardless of the other values, the number of currently communicating civilizations in our galaxy ends up being less than a half a dozen.  If you add in the difficulty and time required to discover the alien signals - if they are in a position such that they can feasibly be detected - it's no wonder that we haven't found anything.
 
2013-02-21 02:59:09 PM  
Any sufficiently developed species will inevitably replace itself with advanced technology and artificial life.
This advanced AI will have no need to explore the universe. Anything and everything it needs to research and understand it can simulate with incredible accuracy.

It'll happen to us too, if we survive long enough.
 
2013-02-21 02:59:09 PM  
Number 1 is most likely. Intelligence on our own planet is the result of lots of random incidents, So rare you may as well use the term miracle. The odds of intelligent life being the end result of evolution is just wishful thinking of a religious sort. On OUR OWN planet the dinosaurs reigned for millions of years without ever approaching intelligence. There are some smart critters on our planet, whales, apes, humans and even they can not really communicate very well with each other. There is probably intelligent life elsewhere in the universe but it may be so remote from us as to be unknowable and can never be communicated with. For all intents and purposes we ARE alone in the universe.

It is time we put away the idea of some superior race coming to rescue us from ourselves and get about the job of either saving our planet ourselves or terraforming other worlds to get up off this rock, Hoping for a superior alien intellect is NO different than  expecting god to rapture the deserving. It is a fairy story for atheists.
 
2013-02-21 02:59:18 PM  
"They're made out of meat."

  "Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

  "Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

  "That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

  "So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

  "That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."

  "Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"

  "Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

  "No brain?"

"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"

  "So... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."

  "Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"

  "Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

  "So what does the meat have in mind."

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."

  "We're supposed to talk to meat?"

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."

  "They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"

"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

  "I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

  "Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"

  "Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

  "I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

  "I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

  "So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."

"That's it."

  "Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

  "A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we can marked this sector unoccupied."

  "Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again."

  "They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

Terry Bisson
 
2013-02-21 02:59:55 PM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Aliens would become aware of us from receiving the TV and radio signals that we've been leaking out into space.

This includes CSPAN.

Of course, they'd conclude that we're not worth their time.

/Also Hee-Haw.


Our radio/TV signals haven't gone very far even after more than a century. They don't know we're here yet.

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2013-02-21 02:59:59 PM  
Obviously, the Guild Navigators haven't folded space from Ix yet.

/many machines on Ix.
 
2013-02-21 03:02:13 PM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: I'm down with "not worth their time".  Predicated on aliens being somewhat similar to us and understanding our communications.

My second choice is aliens are just so vastly different from us, that they are there, but we just don't know of them.  Or they of us.

Who says 'life' has to be carbon based and require air/water?  That's just our version.


Obligatory link to "They're made out of meat."
 
2013-02-21 03:02:28 PM  
The Inhibitors probably got them all.
 
2013-02-21 03:02:38 PM  
"For example, Jupiter plays a huge role in keeping us all alive because it acts like a giant defensive lineman, blocking us from cosmic debris and world-ending asteroids like a celestial Olin Kreutz"

Shouldn't this be  offensive lineman?

NEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrdsssssssssssssss
 
2013-02-21 03:02:46 PM  
I'm with the "what do we have to offer them" crowd.   Why would they care to visit or even contact us?
 
2013-02-21 03:02:49 PM  
Come on, Interplanetary Geographic would love to do a photoshoot of us and our naked appendages, so that horny alien children have fapping material. It's either that, or the Sirius-Roebuck catalog.
 
2013-02-21 03:03:56 PM  
Our TV signals peter out after a few light years. likely no one is watching Edward R. Murrow on "See it now" thinking its a current event.
 
2013-02-21 03:04:21 PM  
The reason why aliens don't exist is the same reason why I know my backyard is empty after examining 1/10th of a blade of grass
 
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