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(Reuters)   Britain to India: You know that big-ass diamond we stole from you about 150 years ago? Yeah, you're never getting that back   (reuters.com) divider line 67
    More: Obvious, Britain, Non-combatant, Koh, Tower of London, Mahatma Gandhi, Queen Elizabeth I, British Museum, cultural institutions  
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18671 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2013 at 3:09 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-21 03:31:16 PM  
7 votes:
Damn bunch of Indian givers.
2013-02-21 04:34:07 PM  
6 votes:

andhravodu: those bottomfeeders can keep that overhyped piece of rock. We are busy making progress. and besides, in 50 years, they will be begging to come to India anyway. But we are elephants, we have a loooong memory


I'm having problems connecting my printer. What should I do?
2013-02-21 03:34:05 PM  
6 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
Her majesty is showing the number of f**ks not given - and wants curry on her chips tonight.
2013-02-21 02:52:24 PM  
6 votes:
Britain could always troll India by giving them a big ass-diamond.


/XKCD FTW!
2013-02-21 03:32:09 PM  
4 votes:
*brushes out mutton-chop, grabs pen and parchment, fixes monocle*

"Dear Sirs:

I am vexed -- most considerably vexed! -- at the squawks of discontent emenating from The Raj.   It is disconcerting that the Punjabs are not appreciative of Her Majefty's efforts to rehabilitate them up from their lowly station into something more noble and useful.  If it isn't 'quit stealing our treasures', 'quit filling our bellies full of jackfruit' it is some other mewling of dissatisfaction without a whit of appreciation for what the Empire has accomplished for them.    I strongly encourage the deployment of red-coats to straighten out these ungrateful malcontents.

Sincerely,
Willam J. Starchshirt, Esq."
2013-02-21 03:29:29 PM  
4 votes:

12349876: Somacandra: Weaver95: form and army and invade.

Why not point a nuke at the UK and say "hand it over motherfarker?" India is a nuclear power after all.

According to Wikipedia, the UK has about twice as many nukes to point back.


I can see it now, two massive nations nuking the bejeezus out of each other over a rock in a hat.
2013-02-21 03:27:21 PM  
4 votes:

germ78: Kinda off-topic in a way, but I was very disappointed by the Hope diamond. I thought it would be a fist-sized gem, but it's only as big as 3 quarters stacked on each other. farking. Lame.


You must have been thinking of the famed Baseball Diamond.
2013-02-21 03:14:01 PM  
4 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com

It won't come off anyway.
2013-02-21 03:59:41 PM  
3 votes:

rickythepenguin: hitlersbrain: You can grow diamonds pretty cheap in a lab. They are actually quite worthless. The only way to tell which ones were dug out of the ground by some dying African slave worker is by looking for the imperfections that are hard to fake. The more perfect the diamond, the less value it has.


Joe Rogan mentioned that recently on his podcast.  he was taken to some top secret facility in I think Russia, (he had to leave his iPod / smartphone so it couldn't make a GPS track of where he went) and engineers had perfected the synthetic diamond.  as you said, the synthetics was technically more "pure" (and thus, you'd think 'perfect') than "organic" diamonds, but were bizarrely nowhere near as valuable.  people would rather have the real thing, even with microscopic imperfections, than an artifical object that was technically a "better" product.


They're not even really a big secret anymore. You can go to a website right now and for less than $500 get a rock so big and bright your girlfriend's panties will break the sound barrier hitting the ground.
2013-02-21 03:59:40 PM  
3 votes:
I'm all for acknowledging our forebears mistakes and making up where we can, but Sir Harry Paget Flashman, VC, KCB, KCIE, didn't go through all that trouble during the First Sikh War smuggling the Koh-i-Noor out just to have it handed right back.
2013-02-21 03:42:19 PM  
3 votes:
Besides, if the British never took it in the first place, then the Doctor and Rose couldn't have used it to lazor-beam-pew-pew-pew a space werewolf to death.

So that's all right then.

/the manor lord's wife in that episode was freaking hot, too
2013-02-21 03:29:42 PM  
3 votes:
theinfosphere.org

Maybe they shouldn't have traded it for their land.

They probably didn't understand the concept of ownership back then
2013-02-21 03:15:58 PM  
3 votes:
If you give the Indians their stones back, they'll just start ripping people's still-beating hearts out of their chests over a pool of lava again. It's true. I seen it in a movie once.
2013-02-21 03:15:24 PM  
3 votes:
Ehh, what India needs to do is threaten to have the Anglo-Indian shut down all the curry shops in London.  The Koh-i-Noor will be back in India inside of a week
2013-02-22 06:09:25 AM  
2 votes:

Treygreen13: Fano: germ78: Kinda off-topic in a way, but I was very disappointed by the Hope diamond. I thought it would be a fist-sized gem, but it's only as big as 3 quarters stacked on each other. farking. Lame.

You must have been thinking of the famed Baseball Diamond.

The Cullinan Diamond was fist-sized.


I blame you for the 3 hours I just lost learning about many different diamonds, the British Crown Jewels, Oliver Cromwell, the Norman invasion, the Wars of the Three Kingdoms, castle construction, and various British parliaments.
2013-02-21 08:20:25 PM  
2 votes:

jvl: Reading Wikipedia, it appears this particular diamond has been stolen about once per century since it was first dug up.  Fark, they don't even remember who dug it up or where!

So why does it belong to India rather than Pakistan (where it once resided) or Iran (where it once resided) or Afghanistan (where it once resided)?


Oh, they should give it to Pakistan, for the lulz.
2013-02-21 07:03:41 PM  
2 votes:
(WTF)   i563.photobucket.com   9 Potato Chips From Your Childhood That Kind of Look Like Boz Scaggs          (Featured Partner)
                             and Their Awesome Sidekicks
2013-02-21 06:25:54 PM  
2 votes:

Gordon Bennett: kbronsito: I've never been to London... is there an entrance fee to go into the museum? Maybe people who had their crap stolen from them should have it waive by showing their passports. Because it's a dick move to steal someone's stuff but its an even more dickish move to charge them money to look at it.

There is no entrance fee, but there is a large urn just inside the entrance for those who choose to give a recommended donation. It's quite interesting to see as it has money from all around the world inside. I doubt that it is emptied often.

As for returning their treasures, India is free to wait along with Greece and Egypt. The advantage of having built history's greatest empire is the legacy of stolen treasures from all over the planet and building the British Museum which is surely the world's greatest monument to theft on a grand scale. It may not be right, but at least it's all on display inside a genuinely stunning building for the world to see.

Besides, I can't imagine any sort of genuine global attempt to return property and land taken in the past through force and treachery without the lot of us returning to the Old Stone Age. There comes a point in which you really must stop fighting battles in retaliation of injustices committed against your long-dead ancestors against the other side's descendants born years or even centuries after the fact.


Are you SURE you're Scottish?
2013-02-21 05:47:33 PM  
2 votes:
Serve them right if the Brits, given its ownership history (mostly Punjab, with late ownership by Sikh & Moghul Empires), "gave it back" to Pakistan...
2013-02-21 05:00:54 PM  
2 votes:
Why not offer them a large Cubic zirconia as a gesture of goodwill? Make them honorary guests at the next big fancy hat convention.
2013-02-21 04:09:48 PM  
2 votes:
Sure, when Morgoth hands over the Silmarils back to Feanor.
2013-02-21 03:20:50 PM  
2 votes:
Will getting the stone back bring water to the wells and bring the children back?

They betrayed Shiva.
2013-02-21 03:20:05 PM  
2 votes:
imgs.xkcd.com
2013-02-21 03:19:50 PM  
2 votes:
big ass-diamond?

cdn.theatlanticwire.com


pic is borrowed
2013-02-21 03:18:15 PM  
2 votes:
Britain could always say, "We accept this gem, and the curry, in payment for your country not being ruled by men in pajamas, being a literate society, a democracy, giving your educated sons and daughters a place to earn a decent living, and less of a third world shiathole than would otherwise have been the case. You're welcome!"
2013-02-21 03:16:16 PM  
2 votes:
Maybe Britain will return it in exchange for getting cricket back.
2013-02-21 03:12:51 PM  
2 votes:

ITGreen: "One of the world's largest diamonds, some Indians - including independence leader Mahatma Gandhi's grandson - have demanded its return to atone for Britain's colonial past. "

So one diamond will atone for Britain's colonial wrongdoings?  No?  Then giving it back is only the first in a line of  "atonement" gestures to be demanded later by India.

I actually agree with the British on this one; nip this stunt of theirs in the bud.


Is Koh-i-noor the Arkenstone?
2013-02-21 02:39:50 PM  
2 votes:
Reuters, when I click a link about a big ass diamond set into the royal crown, I want to see a picture of that big ass diamond, not David Cameron channeling Omar from The Wire. That said, sorry France, you're not getting the Hope Diamond back either. Should've put some heavier security around the French Blue.
2013-02-21 02:17:11 PM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: The moral of the story: colonialism sucks ass (the bad kind), no matter how hard Dinesh D'Souza tries to polish that turd.



It was the best thing that ever happened to Africa.


/gets popcorn
2013-02-21 02:15:24 PM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: Weaver95: form and army and invade.

Why not point a nuke at the UK and say "hand it over motherfarker?" India is a nuclear power after all.



Because England would just laugh politely, and say whatever their version of "biatch, please" is.
2013-02-22 11:04:00 AM  
1 votes:

FTDA: pstudent12: FTDA: NightOwl2255: you are a puppet: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, as a man of Indian descent...

I'm 1/256 Indian (Cherokee). Sure, it's not much, but I did get $2000 a year for college, and I can get free medical care and medicine if I want to go to the Indian clinic.

/Feather, not Ruby.

Do you know why Indian women have a red dot on their forehead?  So when they get married their husband can scratch it off to see if he won a 7-11.

/I keed!

The red dot is called a laltika. Along with the swastika, they are both shubhtikas and are a core part of the Aryan religion (Hinduism from the holy (v)Eddas)

Awarded for killing a perfectly good joke.


The truth is it's from their dads poking them in the forehead and asking "why are you so farking ugly?"
2013-02-22 09:26:01 AM  
1 votes:

pstudent12: FTDA: NightOwl2255: you are a puppet: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, as a man of Indian descent...

I'm 1/256 Indian (Cherokee). Sure, it's not much, but I did get $2000 a year for college, and I can get free medical care and medicine if I want to go to the Indian clinic.

/Feather, not Ruby.

Do you know why Indian women have a red dot on their forehead?  So when they get married their husband can scratch it off to see if he won a 7-11.

/I keed!

The red dot is called a laltika. Along with the swastika, they are both shubhtikas and are a core part of the Aryan religion (Hinduism from the holy (v)Eddas)


Awarded for killing a perfectly good joke.
i1197.photobucket.com
2013-02-21 08:17:22 PM  
1 votes:
Dumb, just dumb. All of this is dumb. We should nuke India to prevent further outbreak.
2013-02-21 07:56:03 PM  
1 votes:
Ecto-cooler, DeBeers cartel, Dr. Who, Deadliest Warrior, Colonialism, lab diamonds. This thread has everything. It's going on the very short list of favorites :D
2013-02-21 06:15:13 PM  
1 votes:
Britain should troll two countries with one stone/diamond and ship it to the Falklands.
2013-02-21 06:01:17 PM  
1 votes:

Treygreen13: Englebert Slaptyback: Treygreen13

They're not even really a big secret anymore. You can go to a website right now and for less than $500 get a rock so big and bright your girlfriend's panties will break the sound barrier hitting the ground.


URL or we'll be forced to call shenanigans.

http://www.diamondnexus.com/round-brilliant-cut-classic-series.html

You can get a 4.91 carat synthetic diamond from them for less than 500. If you want to go comically large they offer a 16 carat diamond for $1600. Please don't do that, though. Nobody will believe you've got the scratch for a 16 carat diamond unless people think you've got a cool mil lying around just for rings.


Yeah, are we sure they're dealing in octahedral carbon diamond? The language used in their vid has more weasels than a Yorkshireman's pants. Gemesis comes out and says lab grown diamonds, Diamond Nexus talks about "the only difference is the chemistry" in their video and who knows what that means. Silicon carbide was mistaken for synthetic diamond 150 years ago and can be grown in crystals large enough to make armor.

Somacandra: Weaver95: form and army and invade.

Why not point a nuke at the UK and say "hand it over motherfarker?" India is a nuclear power after all.


cdn.ebaumsworld.com
2013-02-21 05:32:55 PM  
1 votes:

HailRobonia: Maybe Britain will return it in exchange for getting cricket back.


Is that anything like tennis elbow? "Right-ho, my fine foreign chap, but I shall only give you this fabulously valuable gemstone if you give me a painful physical malady in return."
2013-02-21 05:23:04 PM  
1 votes:

NightOwl2255: you are a puppet: SERIOUSLY THOUGH, as a man of Indian descent...

I'm 1/256 Indian (Cherokee). Sure, it's not much, but I did get $2000 a year for college, and I can get free medical care and medicine if I want to go to the Indian clinic.

/Feather, not Ruby.


Do you know why Indian women have a red dot on their forehead?  So when they get married their husband can scratch it off to see if he won a 7-11.

/I keed!
2013-02-21 05:08:51 PM  
1 votes:

TheWhoppah: How do we sleep while our beds are burning?


The sheets are asbestos.
2013-02-21 04:59:07 PM  
1 votes:

Treygreen13: Perhaps. However, you're forgetting tha:

#1. Deadliest Warrior is a one on one competition (or at least it was when the Apache won) so there is no Phalanx formation.
#2. The Roman Gladiator, in this case, is equipped with a rather small shield - one about the size and weight expected of a gladiator. Remember, the point of the battle was offense, blood, kills.
#3. The fight occurs (in this scenario) in the woods and at range. Not exactly "home turf" for the Gladiator.
#4. The Gladiator comes to battle with a net. I mean, come on. A net.


May as well have made the gladiator naked and only holding a nerf dildo and the Apache swinging a chainsaw. Talk about a rigged fight in the name of Political Correctness.
2013-02-21 04:58:20 PM  
1 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

I am Ganesh! This angers me! Give it back or all will die!
2013-02-21 04:56:41 PM  
1 votes:
Perhaps the Brits could send a terse but elegant telegram to them. Something like.... "Peccavi"
2013-02-21 04:45:44 PM  
1 votes:

Kahabut: Walker: Kahabut: PsiChick: Walker: You are comparing apples and oranges. This is a physical item that was stolen and can be given back. A better comparison would be things the Nazis stole during WW2 from other countries now being in Germany's possessions. The other countries ask for them back and Germany says "F*ck you, we don't believe in returnism".



More salient, Britain didn't get it's ass kicked, overrun, occupied, tried, convicted and punished like Germany did.

To the victor.

I bet the BNP would do a trade- all your 'pakis' back and no more commonwealth privileges for one stone.  In a heart beat.
2013-02-21 04:36:34 PM  
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: andhravodu: those bottomfeeders can keep that overhyped piece of rock. We are busy making progress. and besides, in 50 years, they will be begging to come to India anyway. But we are elephants, we have a loooong memory

I'm having problems connecting my printer. What should I do?


Have you tried turning it off and on.

/Delicious irony...
2013-02-21 04:35:32 PM  
1 votes:
Admiral Brannigan of the Royal Navy says "no backsies! "
2013-02-21 04:32:14 PM  
1 votes:
those bottomfeeders can keep that overhyped piece of rock. We are busy making progress. and besides, in 50 years, they will be begging to come to India anyway. But we are elephants, we have a loooong memory
2013-02-21 04:27:21 PM  
1 votes:
India is a complete sh*thole, go get anything else of value that's still there out now.
2013-02-21 04:07:32 PM  
1 votes:

Treygreen13


They're not even really a big secret anymore. You can go to a website right now and for less than $500 get a rock so big and bright your girlfriend's panties will break the sound barrier hitting the ground.


URL or we'll be forced to call shenanigans.
2013-02-21 03:47:45 PM  
1 votes:

Fano: ITGreen: "One of the world's largest diamonds, some Indians - including independence leader Mahatma Gandhi's grandson - have demanded its return to atone for Britain's colonial past. "

So one diamond will atone for Britain's colonial wrongdoings?  No?  Then giving it back is only the first in a line of  "atonement" gestures to be demanded later by India.

I actually agree with the British on this one; nip this stunt of theirs in the bud.

Is Koh-i-noor the Arkenstone?


Thorin oakenshield? Is that you?

There's only the slight matter of the dragon.

/ perhaps, you should hire a burglar
2013-02-21 03:42:57 PM  
1 votes:
I've never been to London... is there an entrance fee to go into the museum? Maybe people who had their crap stolen from them should have it waive by showing their passports. Because it's a dick move to steal someone's stuff but its an even more dickish move to charge them money to look at it.
2013-02-21 03:41:02 PM  
1 votes:

Spiralmonkey: phalamir: Ehh, what India needs to do is threaten to have the Anglo-Indian shut down all the curry shops in London.  The Koh-i-Noor will be back in India inside of a week

Nobody would notice, what with the Pakistani and Bangladeshi curry houses everywhere.


Tell the Pakistanis they can have Kashmir, and the Bangladeshis they can have Assam.  Get KiN back, tell them both to suck it long and hard.

Alternately, just contract with Nepal to borrow the Gurkhas for a few weeks (and since the brits have been laying off the little farkers for awhile now, you might even be able to wrangle the ones serving Her Majesty for a better retirement plan).  Throw in the Skihs, and ship them all off to land in Dover.  Battle of Hastings 2: Delhi Boogaloo?
2013-02-21 03:39:38 PM  
1 votes:

MythDragon: Edge: British Military with aircraft carriers, Apaches, and cluster bombs"


ha.  when that show was popping, there was an episode where they gave Apache Warrior the edge over Roman Gladiator (mainly because as I recall, the bow and arrow was superior and more lethal than the gladiator's close-in weapons, but who cares.)

anywyas, there was a thread here and some dude was mega butthurt about that.  he was like, "that show is BULLshiat!  there is NO WAY a roman gladiator would lose to a stone age technology!  no freaking way, period.  I call bullshiat!  Didn't they see Russell Crowe in "Gladiator"?  this is bullshiat!  No freaking way Russell Crowe loses to Tonto.  Go watch "Gladiator", you assholes.  Seriously.  this is bullshiat and I'm boycotting the show FOREVER!"

it was like, 'gay for russell crowe much, Gladiatormitter?"
2013-02-21 03:35:55 PM  
1 votes:

The 4chan Psychiatrist: And I'd give the edge to the Sikh warriors of India vs. the modern Brits, SAS excluded, ofc.



images3.wikia.nocookie.net

"For short range weapons:
Edge: Sikh Warriors with their curved blades and beards

For special weapons:
Edge: Sikh Warriors for their Turbans of Doom.

For long range weapons:
Edge: British Military with aircraft carriers, Apaches, and cluster bombs"
2013-02-21 03:32:34 PM  
1 votes:
A bunch of years ago Egypt was sending a guy around to retrieve all of the items that came out of the pyramids on the grounds that since the country was now stable for the long-term the excuse for holding it safely until they got their act together wouldn't fly.

So much for that one....eh?
2013-02-21 03:31:48 PM  
1 votes:
Indian givers....

/slackers...
2013-02-21 03:26:16 PM  
1 votes:

give me doughnuts: The 4chan Psychiatrist: SurfaceTension: Weaver95: you want that stuff back, form and army and invade.  otherwise forget about it.

I don't know. I'd give even odds for an army of Hindu warriors vs. the Brits of today.

And I'd give the edge to the Sikh warriors of India vs. the modern Brits, SAS excluded, ofc.


How are they going to get to England? The Indian Navy? How much air-lift capacity does the Indian Air Force have?


They can kindly do the needful with their aircraft carrier.
2013-02-21 03:22:59 PM  
1 votes:
Britain rightfully owns it, because the genie granted their wish.

img.youtube.com
2013-02-21 03:21:46 PM  
1 votes:
He's there trying to drum up some cash, if I were the Indians I'd tell him to sell the diamond and get out of our farking country.
2013-02-21 03:21:09 PM  
1 votes:
It falls into the category of things without value to their owner, like most crown jewels.  You can't sell them ever, so they're not really worth anything and cost a fortune to guard.
2013-02-21 03:19:38 PM  
1 votes:
Ebba dabba dooba, surley they weel geeve eet back.
Yeah, How about you guys figure out how to use flush toilets, drink clean water, get the cows off the streets, stop stampeding your own people during religious parties, and kick the Muslim psychos out, first, and then we'll talk.
About hiring you back as houseboy.
2013-02-21 03:19:03 PM  
1 votes:

give me doughnuts: Somacandra: The moral of the story: colonialism sucks ass (the bad kind), no matter how hard Dinesh D'Souza tries to polish that turd.


It was the best thing that ever happened to Africa.


/gets popcorn


For your popcorn: if you consider the immigration of the brownies from India to UK and pretty much taking over the high skilled fields, is UK getting colonized (never thought of the word, hmm) by India now?
2013-02-21 03:18:14 PM  
1 votes:

macadamnut: [24.media.tumblr.com image 500x323]

It won't come off anyway.


RING POP!
2013-02-21 03:17:45 PM  
1 votes:
They gave back Hong Kong to China. What more do you want from them?
2013-02-21 03:16:26 PM  
1 votes:
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com

Guys.  I found our next mission.

We're going to break into the Tower Of London, and........steal back the Koh-I-Noor diamond.
2013-02-21 03:08:53 PM  
1 votes:
Any word yet on the fate of the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak?
2013-02-21 02:11:50 PM  
1 votes:

Weaver95: form and army and invade.


Why not point a nuke at the UK and say "hand it over motherfarker?" India is a nuclear power after all.
2013-02-21 02:02:29 PM  
1 votes:
you want that stuff back, form and army and invade.  otherwise forget about it.
 
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