If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Hollywood Reporter)   With two historically revisionist novels about the killings of John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln under his belt, Bill O'Reilly is now writing a book entitled "Killing Jesus"   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 248
    More: Stupid, Bill O'Reilly, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, William Morris Endeavor, Jesus of Nazareth  
•       •       •

3828 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2013 at 11:13 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



248 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-02-21 12:35:22 PM
Jesus is dying on the cross, and Peter is down the hill comforting Mary Magdalene when he hears Jesus' faint voice, "Peter. . . Peter. . ."

"I must go and help my Savior," he said and went up the hill, only to be beaten and kicked back down by the Roman centurions guarding the cross. But soon he hears, "Peter. . . Peter," in even fainter tones but he cannot ignore the call. Peter limps up the hill, leans a ladder against the cross, and gets halfway up when the centurions knock over the ladder, beats him brutally, and tosses him back down the hill.

Again he hears, "Peter. . . Peter. . ." ever fainter, and again, he cannot refuse his Lord. In pain, he slowly staggers up the hill, drags himself up the ladder, and finally gets even with Christ's face. Just as the centurions are reaching for the ladder, Jesus says, "Peter. . . Peter. . . look, I can see your house from here."
 
2013-02-21 12:36:54 PM

Hickory-smoked: You know, I've never entirely understood why Christians are so angry at Judas and Teh Jews for causing Christ's execution, while simultaneously preaching that his death was a necessary ritual sacrifice that liberated all humanity from eternal damnation. If it was God's plan to be crucified, then Judas should be revered at the disciple who loved Him most.

Have you got a charming Facebook fabricated anecdote to answer that one, Maus III?


They're still mad because Judas got all the best songs in "Jesus Christ: Superstar."
 
2013-02-21 12:38:04 PM

hubiestubert: So I'm betting that in his version, the Jews didn't do it? The 30 pieces of silver was just a metaphor, and in fact it was proto-Muslims who reached back into the past, thanks to Obama's Time Machine, disguised themselves, and tried to end the reign of the King of Kings, only to fail to realize that their assassination attempt would be foiled by Christ's resurrection, and making Jesus more powerful than they could ever imagine?

I'm just guessing.


Snark aside, you know that is exactly what he is going to do.  Something along the lines of "Followers of an extremist Jewish sect, who would centuries later be instrumental in founding the nation of Islam and the beginnings of modern terrorist groups such as Hamas and the Taliban..."  You KNOW he will.
 
2013-02-21 12:38:34 PM

Nabb1: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"...

I hope that's a cut and paste job, Tolstoy, because no one should put that much work into a comment in a FARK thread.


The story is an old, repeated "straw" discussion between a strawman atheist character and a Christian student. It is remarkably similar in conversation and events to a story where a young Albert Einstein is claimed as the student (though typically that version does not incorrectly identify the Jewish Einstein as a Christian), though by omitting any actual names the Einstein-free variant is not so obviously a lie as it is a poor attempt at a fable.
 
2013-02-21 12:43:52 PM

Uncle Tractor: Sinbox: Let's start this:

[i1197.photobucket.com image 463x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 384x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x480]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x480]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 410x565]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 424x609]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]


[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x426]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 242x638]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 427x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 620x878]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 532x919]

Straddling the NSFW line

Probably NSFworkplace viewing.

Same as above

As above...

...So below

Ditto.

SFW just TLFF (Too Large For Fark)

same as above

Yep.

Not unlike above.

Similar to above.

I've never witnessed frauds to move like that. (sfw; too large).

Also relieved that Mr. "you harbor overt paedophilic tendencies if you find K.U. in the least attractive" hasn't shown up yet (even though I know he will soon enough.".

Someone's posting in the wrong thread.

[i560.photobucket.com image 420x310]


What are you talking about?  To me he just proved that there is, in fact, a God.
 
2013-02-21 12:46:44 PM
fark it! We'll do it live!
 
2013-02-21 12:50:34 PM
Sinbox > Maus

Kate Upton > Jesus
 
2013-02-21 12:51:02 PM
I wonder how much of his novels Bill O actually "writes?" I'm guessing he has a meeting with his ghost, spews out some half-baked plot twists, and calls it a novel.
 
2013-02-21 12:54:22 PM
Will there be a "War on Christmas" chapter?

ps. thanks for the Kate Upton pics, brightened up my day
 
2013-02-21 12:54:51 PM

Nabb1: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"...

I hope that's a cut and paste job, Tolstoy, because no one should put that much work into a comment in a FARK thread.


Aw, I missed it. I must have ignored him sometime in the past.

/can't imagine why
 
2013-02-21 12:59:54 PM
fark Bill O'Reilly.
 
2013-02-21 01:00:24 PM

ChrisDe: beantowndog: Can you really call it revisionist if it never happened in the first place?

Don't know much about religion and its history, but don't most scholars accept that he lived and was killed? Regardless of any religion aspects? Seems I was taught that he existed, whether you believe the backstory or not.

/went to a public school, could be 100% wrong


It's actually debatable: there are no contemporary records of Jesus during his time. Earliest record of him was almost a century after his death- so there were no eyewitness reports.
 
2013-02-21 01:02:28 PM

germ78: The challenge, I suppose, is making the book longer than 4 words.

"The Jews did it." The End.

/also, does this book get filed under 'fiction'?


of course, the jews are mythical creatures, the holocaust never happened

can't prove it scientifically
 
2013-02-21 01:05:44 PM

red5ish: The cool part is there are three different editions that come with alternate endings. Collect all three!


upload.wikimedia.org
I butle.
 
2013-02-21 01:05:51 PM

falkone32: The christian doesn't understand that there is a difference between words and real things that we refer to with those words.  This should be obvious even to children, but whatever.


if christians were smarter than children there would be no christians

diagoras.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-21 01:08:51 PM

Old Gnarled Oak: I bet Hitler used over-sized font.



He liked THIS font.
 
2013-02-21 01:11:26 PM
And you right wingers listen to this guy?
 
2013-02-21 01:13:22 PM

hubiestubert: So I'm betting that in his version, the Jews didn't do it? The 30 pieces of silver was just a metaphor, and in fact it was proto-Muslims who reached back into the past, thanks to Obama's Time Machine, disguised themselves, and tried to end the reign of the King of Kings, only to fail to realize that their assassination attempt would be foiled by Christ's resurrection, and making Jesus more powerful than they could ever imagine?

I'm just guessing.


Without RTFA, I'm guessing it's going to be about how Fartbongo and his legions of Secular Progressives are destroying Christianity by dissolving all marraiges and allowing only same sex marraiges and converting all churches to mosques and make even private prayer punishable by death.
 
2013-02-21 01:16:12 PM

Charlie Chingas: And you right wingers listen to this guy?


I've asked a few times for how Killing Lincoln was revisionist, and received no response showing that it was,

It appears that Subby is the one being revisionist.
 
2013-02-21 01:22:01 PM
Kate Upton is fat, period. If she didn't have a nice face, would be average shapeless sally with saggy teets.
 
2013-02-21 01:22:08 PM

hubiestubert: So I'm betting that in his version, the Jews didn't do it? The 30 pieces of silver was just a metaphor, and in fact it was proto-Muslims who reached back into the past, thanks to Obama's Time Machine, disguised themselves, and tried to end the reign of the King of Kings, only to fail to realize that their assassination attempt would be foiled by Christ's resurrection, and making Jesus more powerful than they could ever imagine?

I'm just guessing.


Bill (or his ghost writer) will say that a small sect of radical Jews killed Jesus.  They were then outcast by the good Jews and centuries later started Islam.  Half of the good Jews became Christians and the other half provided financial backing for the Renaissance, imperial expansion of Europe, and Adam Smith's undergrad degree before re-establishing Israel in the late 40's.

And teabagger nutjobs will buy it, and into it, for a couple million bucks.
 
2013-02-21 01:22:33 PM

super_grass: [graphics8.nytimes.com image 533x343]
"In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence."   - Neal Degrass Tyson

/religion is for chumps



Is that a fark joke I don't know? Because that's a photo of Laurence Fishburne you have there with your Tyson quote.
 
2013-02-21 01:25:35 PM
Is his historical fiction as hot as his erotic crime novel  Those Who Trespass?
http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/2009/03/off_with_those.ph p

 I imagine the Kennedy one could have some steamy sex scenes.
 
2013-02-21 01:26:01 PM

EyeballKid: Maus III: Is God to blame...


I'm sure I've seen that before, but usually it's in an e-mail from my mother with FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: GOD LOVES YOU!!!!! surrounding it.


That is the email of every farking fallacy possible. I mean, FFS, first, no, according to almost every theologian ever,  God did not create evil (or even Satan if you're not an idiot), free will creates evil, and for some reason God values free will over not having evil. That's what faith is about--that you can believe that God values this for a very good reason, and trust that the consequences of it are better than the consequences of basically enslaving humanity. Second, evolution can be observed in a farking petri dish. Third, the scientific method does  not state that a brain does not exist if you don't test it, it states that if something has been observed enough times it is reasonable to assume it will happen again (the sun will rise tomorrow, a living human has a brain, etc.). Fourth,  religion is not something disprovable by science, because science tells you how the frog was made and religion tells you why.

/rant
//This is probably why people don't copypasta that to me.
 
2013-02-21 01:26:38 PM

MarshHawk: Maus III: "Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."

The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"

Haven't seen this particular FWD:FWD:FWD: in a while.  I've always wondered if, at the end of the semester, the student's grade slip reported the absence of a passing grade...

/runner-up to the vasectomy copy-pasta


I liked it better when it was a "little johnny" dirty joke.
 
2013-02-21 01:28:56 PM

maram500: Disposable Rob: halfof33: How was Killing Lincoln historically revisionist?

I haven't read it, but I heard it was basically pop history with a few mistakes that didn't amount to a whole lot in the big picture.

That was my impression from people who read it. Most comments were along the lines of it being surprisingly accurate  coming from O'Reilly.

Aaand there's your problem: Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy didn't come from O'Reilly. What happened was that some once-reputable historian (Martin Duggard, I think) did all the research and wrote both books, and then O'Reilly swooped in with his money and recognition and slapped his name on the covers.

Honestly, I tried reading Killing Lincoln, but I got to something like page five and realized that it wasn't written in crayon. Therefore, not from William O'Reilly.

Also, with all the hype and shiat that came with Killing Lincoln, can we expect an equally-optimistic book on the Iraq Wars?


Bill didnt live up to our strawman caricature of him. Must not read!

Holy shiat what a stupid ethos you ha.
 
2013-02-21 01:29:20 PM

halfof33: Charlie Chingas: And you right wingers listen to this guy?

I've asked a few times for how Killing Lincoln was revisionist, and received no response showing that it was,

It appears that Subby is the one being revisionist.


I don't know that you can call a historical novel revisionist (it's a novel, after all). But generally, the history in a historical novel is supposed to be accurate. O'Reilly seems to have trouble with that part.
 
2013-02-21 01:29:25 PM
i.qkme.me
 
2013-02-21 01:30:59 PM

PsiChick: God did not create evil (or even Satan if you're not an idiot), free will creates evil, and for some reason God values free will over not having evil.


Based on that, God also values not being omniscient, which is opposed to many religious doctrines.
 
2013-02-21 01:31:24 PM

halfof33: Charlie Chingas: And you right wingers listen to this guy?

I've asked a few times for how Killing Lincoln was revisionist, and received no response showing that it was,

It appears that Subby is the one being revisionist.


Haven't read his stuff. Guy just comes off as pompous and douchy. Left or right, you act like that, I won't pay attention to you. Just wondering what the right sees in this guy.

/Qualifier: I can care less about politics, left or right. both sides suck
 
2013-02-21 01:31:32 PM
thegospelday.files.wordpress.com
 Pilate said to them, "What then shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?" They all said to him, "Let Him be crucified!"   Then the governor said, "FARK IT!!   WE'LL DO IT LIVE!!!!!"
 
2013-02-21 01:32:35 PM

Sinbox: Let's start this:

[i1197.photobucket.com image 463x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 384x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x480]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x480]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 410x565]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 424x609]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]


[i1197.photobucket.com image 640x426]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 242x638]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 503x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 427x640]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 620x878]

[i1197.photobucket.com image 532x919]

Straddling the NSFW line

Probably NSFworkplace viewing.

Same as above

As above...

...So below

Ditto.

SFW just TLFF (Too Large For Fark)

same as above

Yep.

Not unlike above.

Similar to above.

I've never witnessed frauds to move like that. (sfw; too large).

Also relieved that Mr. "you harbor overt paedophilic tendencies if you find K.U. in the least attractive" hasn't shown up yet (even though I know he will soon enough.".


Favorited forever.  Jesus bless you.
 
2013-02-21 01:32:40 PM
To be fair, you can't really claim that O'Reillly is a crap novelist. Martin Dugard, his "co-author" is a crap novellist; O'Reilly just puts his name on those things.
 
2013-02-21 01:35:33 PM

Thunderpipes: Kate Upton is fat, period. If she didn't have a nice face, would be average shapeless sally with saggy teets.


WHAT'S THAT?  SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER THE BLOOD RUSHING TO MY PENIS
 
2013-02-21 01:36:09 PM

coeyagi: [i.qkme.me image 620x510]


Image looks like he's about to get spunked in the face by a BBC
 
2013-02-21 01:37:40 PM

mbillips: I don't know that you can call a historical novel revisionist (it's a novel, after all). But generally, the history in a historical novel is supposed to be accurate. O'Reilly seems to have trouble with that part.


I mentioned that there were errors in the book, but the ones cited thus far are incredibly minor (he "furls" his brows? Ford's was destroyed in 1862 not 1863? Who gives a shiat)
 
2013-02-21 01:37:41 PM

Maus III: Is God to blame?


tl;dr
www.troll.me
 
2013-02-21 01:39:16 PM

Nabb1: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"...

I hope that's a cut and paste job, Tolstoy, because no one should put that much work into a comment in a FARK thread.


Isn't it a Chick tract?

(as opposed to that stream of photos a few down ... a chick tract?)
 
2013-02-21 01:40:51 PM

12349876: PsiChick: God did not create evil (or even Satan if you're not an idiot), free will creates evil, and for some reason God values free will over not having evil.

Based on that, God also values not being omniscient, which is opposed to many religious doctrines.


Omnescient != constant interference. You can  know something's going on and not intervene.

So a dick, well, possibly (again: enslave humanity v. free will), but it doesn't negate omnescience for God to not interfere.

*Note: This is Catholic theology as explained to me by my mother, but I've seen correlating data for most Christian beliefs. Other religions' mileages may vary.
 
2013-02-21 01:41:22 PM

dk47: Thunderpipes: Kate Upton is fat, period. If she didn't have a nice face, would be average shapeless sally with saggy teets.

WHAT'S THAT?  SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER THE BLOOD RUSHING TO MY PENIS


Farkers like fat chicks, news at 11:00.

Sorry, she is at best, decent late night college bang. No way in hell she should be on the cover of SI, or even in it. I have better abs than her. No muscle at all and saggy boobies at what, age 20 or something? Yuch.
 
2013-02-21 01:41:52 PM
I bet he nails the answer for this one.
 
2013-02-21 01:45:27 PM

halfof33: I mentioned that there were errors in the book, but the ones cited thus far are incredibly minor (he "furls" his brows? Ford's was destroyed in 1862 not 1863? Who gives a shiat)



Chapter 21, 27, etc.

"Grant meets with Lincoln in the Oval Office."

"Lincoln sitting in his Oval Office . . ."

Fact comment:

Oval Office built in 1909 during Taft's administration.


Chapter 39

"Booth's second act of preparation that afternoon was using a pen knife to carve a very small peephole in the back wall of the state box. Now he looks through the hole to get a better view of the president."

Fact comment:

"Despite all attempts to prove, without success, that the hole in the door to box 7 was bored by Booth that same afternoon, a recent letter from Frank Ford of New York City (to Olszewski, April 13, 1962) may clarify the fact. In part, his letter states:

As I told you on your visit here in New York, I say again and unequivocally that John Wilkes Booth did not bore the hole in the door leading to the box President Lincoln occupied the night of the assassination, April 14, 1865  . . .

The hole was bored by my father, Harry Clay Ford, or rather on his orders, and was bored for the very simple reason it would allow the guard, on Parker, easy opportunity whenever he so desired to look into the box rather than to open the inner door to check on the presidential party . . ..
 Citation

From another source:

The authors write that she was forced to wear a padded hood when not on trial, and that she was imprisoned in a cell aboard the monitorMontauk, which was "barely habitable." She suffered from "claustrophobia and disfigurement caused by the hood," and was "barely tended to by her captors." "Sick and trapped in this filthy cell, Mary Surratt took on a haunted, bloated appearance."None of this is true. Mary Surratt was never shackled or hooded at any time. She was never imprisoned aboard theMontauk, buttaken to the Carroll Annex of the Old Capitol Prison before being transferred to the women's section of the Federal Penitentiary at the Washington's Arsenal.

Citation.

You are correct in that some of the typos and issues are blown way out of proportion, but there are a few things that are pretty glaring errors.
 
2013-02-21 01:45:47 PM

Thunderpipes: dk47: Thunderpipes: Kate Upton is fat, period. If she didn't have a nice face, would be average shapeless sally with saggy teets.

WHAT'S THAT?  SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER THE BLOOD RUSHING TO MY PENIS

Farkers like fat chicks, news at 11:00.

Sorry, she is at best, decent late night college bang. No way in hell she should be on the cover of SI, or even in it. I have better abs than her. No muscle at all and saggy boobies at what, age 20 or something? Yuch.


Please stop talking. No one believes you aren't a fat disgusting neck beard who gets off on wasting other people's time and energy.
 
2013-02-21 01:47:38 PM

Hickory-smoked: You know, I've never entirely understood why Christians are so angry at Judas and Teh Jews for causing Christ's execution, while simultaneously preaching that his death was a necessary ritual sacrifice that liberated all humanity from eternal damnation. If it was God's plan to be crucified, then Judas should be revered at the disciple who loved Him most.

Have you got a charming Facebook fabricated anecdote to answer that one, Maus III?


No, but he's got a rock opera.
 
2013-02-21 01:50:50 PM

halfof33: Charlie Chingas: And you right wingers listen to this guy?

I've asked a few times for how Killing Lincoln was revisionist, and received no response showing that it was,

It appears that Subby is the one being revisionist.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-21 01:51:54 PM

germ78: /also, does this book get filed under 'fiction'?


He's been in fiction his whole career
 
2013-02-21 01:55:14 PM

OhioKnight: Nabb1: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"...

I hope that's a cut and paste job, Tolstoy, because no one should put that much work into a comment in a FARK thread.

Isn't it a Chick tract?

(as opposed to that stream of photos a few down ... a chick tract?)


The Chick tract I think you're referring to is an abbreviated version that focuses less on the philosophy and more on outright lies about science.  It's still an amusing read though.
 
2013-02-21 02:06:36 PM
Okay, I want you people to pay attention now.
Who killed Jesus? The Romans and The Jews.
Now where was he killed? The Middle east which is near the Far East, which is China. So he was basically killed by some Italians, some Chinese people and some Jewish people.

Now look at Barrack Obama, he was allegedly born in the USA, the biggest city of which is New York City, which has a large population of Jewish people, Chinese people and Italians. Now, that means that Barrack Obama, who was born pretty much in New York allegedly, was probably the descendant of one of the guys that killed Jesus or he's Irish.
So either way we need to have a violent uprising to kick out this Jesus killing so called President RIGHT NOW!
 
2013-02-21 02:07:22 PM
It'll be one sentence long. "It's all made up, folks"

The end
 
2013-02-21 02:08:14 PM

clane: grxymkjbn: clane: The guy invites Liberals and argues with them one on one.

...and screams over their responses and cuts their mics when they demonstrate how stupid BillO's points are.

clane:
Wrong, wrong, wrong again. Is it just the nature of the beast that Liberals are always wrong?  He does interrupt but usually when they get off point and it's hard to get a liberal to stay on point.  But what's the last thing he almost always says at the end of a debate?You wouldn't know because you have maybe seen some YouTube clip on some circle jerks site.He says "you get the last word"


You can white knight BillO all you want, he's not gonna felafel your pussy.
 
Displayed 50 of 248 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report