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(The Hollywood Reporter)   With two historically revisionist novels about the killings of John F. Kennedy and Abraham Lincoln under his belt, Bill O'Reilly is now writing a book entitled "Killing Jesus"   (hollywoodreporter.com) divider line 248
    More: Stupid, Bill O'Reilly, John F. Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, William Morris Endeavor, Jesus of Nazareth  
•       •       •

3836 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2013 at 11:13 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-21 09:43:09 AM  
So I'm betting that in his version, the Jews didn't do it? The 30 pieces of silver was just a metaphor, and in fact it was proto-Muslims who reached back into the past, thanks to Obama's Time Machine, disguised themselves, and tried to end the reign of the King of Kings, only to fail to realize that their assassination attempt would be foiled by Christ's resurrection, and making Jesus more powerful than they could ever imagine?

I'm just guessing.
 
2013-02-21 09:46:45 AM  
Can you really call it revisionist if it never happened in the first place?
 
2013-02-21 10:08:21 AM  
i70.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-21 10:11:35 AM  
Dear Bill,

Every time you open your mouth another part of me dies.

Love,
Jesus
 
2013-02-21 10:33:51 AM  
I read that as "Killing for Jesus" at first.  Because Circle Jerks, that's why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L85MNzeAQn8
 
2013-02-21 10:34:31 AM  
His derp has finally gone full circle.
 
2013-02-21 10:41:23 AM  
i1282.photobucket.com

The 'H' is silent.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2013-02-21 10:57:24 AM  
But he doesn't STAY dead.

scienceblogs.com
 
2013-02-21 11:11:47 AM  
Hasn't this already been done? In musical, comedy and S&M form?


userserve-ak.last.fm

www.thefilmpilgrim.com
bible.org
 
2013-02-21 11:15:52 AM  
Obama did it.

Am I doing it right?
 
2013-02-21 11:16:19 AM  
If you give them enough rope, eventually all derpsters auto-erotically asphyxiate themselves.
 
2013-02-21 11:16:35 AM  
What the f-word is wrong with this guy? I personally view his obsession with assassinations as a subliminal attempt to get one of his crazy followers to shoot Fartbongo.
 
2013-02-21 11:16:39 AM  

Nabb1: I read that as "Killing for Jesus" at first.  Because Circle Jerks, that's why:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L85MNzeAQn8


i2.cdn.turner.com
It's not the first, and hardly the worst, instance a person paying attention to Billo was led to killing.
 
2013-02-21 11:17:04 AM  
God, somebody please go kill Jean-Jacques Rousseau.
 
2013-02-21 11:17:43 AM  
Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.

The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!"
He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you.
Let's say there's a sick person over here, and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good...!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could...in fact most of us would if we could... God doesn't."
No answer.
"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"
No answer.
The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er... Yes."
"Is Satan good?"
"No."
"Where does Satan come from?"
The student falters. "From...God..."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns, smirking, to the student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes, sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"
"Yes."
"Who created evil?"
No answer.
"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All the terrible things - do they exist in this world?"
The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
"Who created them?"
No answer.
The professor suddenly shouts at his student. "WHO
CREATED THEM? TELL ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climb into the Christian's face. In a still small voice: "God created all evil, didn't He, son?"
No answer. The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues, "How is it that this God is good if He created all evil throughout all time?" The professor swishes his arms around to enc
ompass the wickedness of the world.
"All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"
No answer.
"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause.
"Don't you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and whispers, "Is God good?"
No answer.
"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor. I do."
The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen your Jesus?"
"No, sir. I've never seen Him."
"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"
"No, sir. I have not."
"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus... In fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"
No answer.
"Answer me, please."
"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
"You're AFRAID... you haven't?"
"No, sir."
"Yet you still believe in him?"
"...yes..."
"That takes FAITH!"
The professor smiles sagely at the underling. "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God now?"
The student doesn't answer.
"Sit down, please."
The Christian sits...Defeated.
Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"
The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, another Christian in the vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."
The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as heat?"
"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
"Is there such a thing as cold?"
"Yes, son, there's cold too."
"No, sir, there isn't."
The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly goes very cold.
The second Christian continues. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than 458 -You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it." Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom. "Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"
"That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What are you getting at...?"
"So you say there is such a thing as darkness?"
"Yes..."
"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly, you have nothing, and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, Darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it. Can you...give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"
Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young man?"
"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."
The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"
"Sir, may I explain what I mean?" The class is all ears.
"Explain... oh, explain..." The professor makes an admirable effort to regain control. Suddenly he is affability itself. He waves his hand to silence the class, for the student to continue.
"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains "That for example there is life and then here's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it." The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts, professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"
"Of course there is, now look..."
"Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality. Is there such thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses. "Isn't evil the absence of good?"
The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily speechless.
The Christian continues. "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all agree there is, then God, if he exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of evil. What is that work, God is accoplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil."
The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't view this matter as having anything to do with any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not observable."
"I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going," the Christian replies.
"Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
The professor makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.
"Professor. Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a priest?"
"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion. Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.
"So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"
"I believe in what is - that's science!"
"Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face spits into a grin. "Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena. Science too is a premise which is flawed..."
"SCIENCE IS FLAWED..?" the professor splutters.
The class is in uproar. The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what I mean?"
The professor wisely keeps silent.
The Christian looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?"
The class breaks out in laughter.
The Christian points towards his elderly, crumbling tutor. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain... felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain?"
No one appears to have done so.
The Christian shakes his head sadly. "It appears no-one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's brain whatsoeer. Well, according to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says the professor has no brain."
The class is in chaos.
The Christian sits... Because that is what a chair is for.
 
2013-02-21 11:19:46 AM  
I'd be happy if the first few pages are an acknowledgement that Christ wasn't the white guy we tend to see in all the Renaissance+ artwork.  A guy like that would tend to stand out in historical writings and the dude doesn't muster a peep.
 
2013-02-21 11:20:20 AM  
How was Killing Lincoln historically revisionist?

I haven't read it, but I heard it was basically pop history with a few mistakes that didn't amount to a whole lot in the big picture.
 
2013-02-21 11:20:53 AM  

beantowndog: Can you really call it revisionist if it never happened in the first place?


Don't know much about religion and its history, but don't most scholars accept that he lived and was killed? Regardless of any religion aspects? Seems I was taught that he existed, whether you believe the backstory or not.

/went to a public school, could be 100% wrong
 
2013-02-21 11:21:56 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame...



I'm sure I've seen that before, but usually it's in an e-mail from my mother with FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: GOD LOVES YOU!!!!! surrounding it.
 
2013-02-21 11:23:15 AM  
God's omnipotent

/you can't explain that
 
2013-02-21 11:23:36 AM  

halfof33: How was Killing Lincoln historically revisionist?

I haven't read it, but I heard it was basically pop history with a few mistakes that didn't amount to a whole lot in the big picture.


That was my impression from people who read it. Most comments were along the lines of it being surprisingly accurate coming from O'Reilly.
 
2013-02-21 11:23:37 AM  
Maus III: case study of every logical fallacy


Ugh, the oppressed christian is so eager to use the laws of thermodynamics when it's  convenient...
 
2013-02-21 11:24:23 AM  
And, the civil, tolerant, open-minded liberals show up. They never leave, actually.

Somewhere, a liberal has probably written about how Jeebus was gay and gayer, so go read that instead.
 
2013-02-21 11:24:55 AM  

FlashHarry: [i70.photobucket.com image 533x800]


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-02-21 11:26:42 AM  

hubiestubert: So I'm betting that in his version, the Jews didn't do it? The 30 pieces of silver was just a metaphor, and in fact it was proto-Muslims who reached back into the past, thanks to Obama's Time Machine, disguised themselves, and tried to end the reign of the King of Kings, only to fail to realize that their assassination attempt would be foiled by Christ's resurrection, and making Jesus more powerful than they could ever imagine?

I'm just guessing.


3.bp.blogspot.com

There uh  can uh only uh be uh one uh
 
2013-02-21 11:27:12 AM  

EyeballKid: Maus III: Is God to blame...


I'm sure I've seen that before, but usually it's in an e-mail from my mother with FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW: GOD LOVES YOU!!!!! surrounding it.


What's really bad is Maus is just copy pasta into every thread no matter how unrelated. Yawn.
 
2013-02-21 11:27:43 AM  

beantowndog: Can you really call it revisionist if it never happened in the first place?


THIS^

anyways even if there was some sort of elaborate hoax it was simply concocted to stir up anti-semite hate speech

christians are just a bunch of racist bigot retards, who make up fairytales to undermine science

vote democrat
 
2013-02-21 11:27:48 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!


Athiests owned.  If only their small brains could see the reality of Him in this world.  Truth is, they do.  They'll just never admit it.
 
2013-02-21 11:28:19 AM  

Maus III: Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN


Oh, Catholic school Jesuitism, you so crazy...
 
2013-02-21 11:30:41 AM  

No Time To Explain: God's omnipotent

/you can't explain that


http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/06612a.htm

it's been explained
 
2013-02-21 11:32:03 AM  

Maus III: "Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"


You're probably just trolling, but anyway ...

This is a variant of the "evil is the absence of good" argument. The problem with this argument is that God is supposedly omnipresent, IOW he is everywhere. Since God is supposedly good (which anyone who's read the Bible knows he is not), there can not be an absence of God and therefore no absence of good. IOW evil exists only because the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, and all-loving God wants it to exist.

Also, it perfectly possible to fill an opaque jar with darkness. Just put the lid on so no light can get in.
 
2013-02-21 11:32:35 AM  
So a long, simplistic piece of jingoism to prop up the illegal stte of Isreal?
 
2013-02-21 11:32:55 AM  
And Maus III gets turned bright blue for apparently having a lack of oxygen to the brain.
 
2013-02-21 11:33:05 AM  
SPOILER ALERT!!!

It was the Jews.
 
2013-02-21 11:33:43 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
"Yes."
"Are you good or evil?"
"The Bible says I'm evil."
The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!"
He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you.
Let's say there's a sick person over here, and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"
"Yes sir, I would."
"So you're good...!"
"I wouldn't say that."
"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could...in fact most of us would if we could... God doesn't."
No answer.
"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"
No answer.
The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
"Er... Yes."
"Is Satan good?"
"No."
"Where does Satan come from?"
The student falters. "From...God..."
"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns, smirking, to the student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
"Yes, sir."
"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"
"Yes."
"Who created evil?"
No answer.
"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All the terrible things - do they exist in this world?"
The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
"Who created th ...


tl;dr

Science >> Fairytales >>> Religion

learn how to logic and reason, be rational

encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-21 11:34:09 AM  

thorthor: Obama did it.

Am I doing it right?


Close.  It was a black atheist Muslim who killed Jesus, of course.  But she's a lesbian.

/and Canadian
//You wouldn't know her
 
2013-02-21 11:34:30 AM  

griffer: So a long, simplistic piece of jingoism to prop up the illegal stte of Isreal?


Why do American politicians have such a hard on for Israel?  Seriously, it's one thing to help them but you don't have to do everything as they say do you?
 
2013-02-21 11:34:39 AM  
Haters gonna hate
 
2013-02-21 11:35:03 AM  

willfullyobscure: No Time To Explain: God's omnipotent

/you can't explain that

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/06612a.htm

it's been explained


But is it proven scientifically?
 
2013-02-21 11:35:30 AM  

grandma's famous pot pie recipe: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Athiests owned.  If only their small brains could see the reality of Him in this world.  Truth is, they do.  They'll just never admit it.


Checkmate, Atheists

LOLZ LULZ LOLZ
 
2013-02-21 11:35:42 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good." ...


I bet you win a lot of arguments this way.  Ever met Clint Eastwood?
 
2013-02-21 11:35:58 AM  
Probably that same ex-SEAL that killed Osama.

Fark that guy.
 
2013-02-21 11:36:31 AM  
Worlds in Collision was a best seller too.
 
2013-02-21 11:36:43 AM  
Actually Jesus wasn't the founder of Christianity.
 
2013-02-21 11:37:23 AM  

grandma's famous pot pie recipe: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Athiests owned.  If only their small brains could see the reality of Him in this world.  Truth is, they do.  They'll just never admit it.


Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute.
www.diabetesmine.com
Ok.  I'm ready.
 
2013-02-21 11:37:48 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame?



Farking a strawman instead of a chicken today?
 
2013-02-21 11:37:56 AM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: griffer: So a long, simplistic piece of jingoism to prop up the illegal stte of Isreal?

Why do American politicians have such a hard on for Israel?  Seriously, it's one thing to help them but you don't have to do everything as they say do you?


You know who calls the dance, right?
 
2013-02-21 11:38:38 AM  

Disposable Rob: halfof33: How was Killing Lincoln historically revisionist?

I haven't read it, but I heard it was basically pop history with a few mistakes that didn't amount to a whole lot in the big picture.

That was my impression from people who read it. Most comments were along the lines of it being surprisingly accurate  coming from O'Reilly.


Aaand there's your problem: Killing Lincoln and Killing Kennedy didn't come from O'Reilly. What happened was that some once-reputable historian (Martin Duggard, I think) did all the research and wrote both books, and then O'Reilly swooped in with his money and recognition and slapped his name on the covers.

Honestly, I tried reading Killing Lincoln, but I got to something like page five and realized that it wasn't written in crayon. Therefore, not from William O'Reilly.

Also, with all the hype and shiat that came with Killing Lincoln, can we expect an equally-optimistic book on the Iraq Wars?
 
2013-02-21 11:38:46 AM  

Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Here's why: "LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ.
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
"Yes, sir."
"So you believe in God?"
"Absolutely."
"Is God good?"
"Sure! God's good."
"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"...


I hope that's a cut and paste job, Tolstoy, because no one should put that much work into a comment in a FARK thread.
 
2013-02-21 11:39:42 AM  

I drunk what: grandma's famous pot pie recipe: Maus III: Is God to blame?

YES!

Athiests owned.  If only their small brains could see the reality of Him in this world.  Truth is, they do.  They'll just never admit it.

Checkmate, Atheists

LOLZ LULZ LOLZ


That...that was....um...


I lol'd.
 
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