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(Slate)   "The ideal in the shoe-size-correlation studies would be to measure a fully erect penis...as an alternative, most researchers stretch the non-erect penis before measuring its length. It turns out there is more than one way to stretch a penis"   (slate.com) divider line 50
    More: Interesting, measuring, shoe size, researchers stretch  
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10231 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Feb 2013 at 8:44 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-21 08:55:01 AM
23 votes:
It truly is unfortunate that so many men suffer needlessly from issues of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and downright paranoia when it come to the size of their penis. The truth is that the vast majority of men, even those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range, can still enjoy a perfectly functional sex life. Many women are more than happy to pretend they don't care about penis size in order to enjoy other advantages, and recent innovations in self-pleasuring technology help ensure that all women paired with an inadequately endowed lover can still experience an occasional orgasm. Even so, there will always be those men for whom "just another inch, just one more" becomes an all-encompassing mantra.

If this is you, just remember that there are a variety of proven, safe, effective techniques out there that millions of men have used to successfully increase their size. No, they're not the expensive penis pumps and dangerous surgeries, the snake oil pills and the online scams. They're real, and you can do them, easily, yourself.

1) Remember that the size of your penis is controlled greatly by the amount of blood flow it receives. The greater the blood flow, the greater the size. Obviously, then, the larger the veins, the larger the penis. But how do you increase your vein size? Well, veins are a lot like muscles. When you work out and get sore, what's really happening is that muscle fibers are tearing and then repairing themselves. They repair themselves bigger and stronger than they were before. If you bruise the veins in your penis, it will hurt, but they'll be bigger when they heal. Do it enough, and you'll be astounded by the results.

What's important here is that you start with baby steps. Do not start punching your penis right on day one...much as in exercise, where newbies go whole-hog at the start and then quickly tire and lose interest, you want to begin with a relatively simple routine. Start by flicking yourself with your finger perhaps 30 times in a row, up and down all the veins that you can see. When it hurts too much to go on, give yourself another 3 or 4 flicks, then call it a day. Rest for two days, then repeat. If there's a little bruising, don't worry, that's normal. When you've successfully acclimated yourself to the flicking, move on to slapping, then clapping. Full on punching is the last step.

2) Also remember that your penis DOES have actual muscles in it. In fact, it is a muscle. So work it out! Any time your find yourself taking your penis out -- after a shower, at a urinal, watching porn, etc. -- don't just play with, exercise it! After a shower, get yourself erect and walk around for 10 or 15 minutes with a towel hanging from your penis. Start with the lighter towels, the wash cloths and hand towels, and work your way up to bath towels. You can do basic isometrics at a urinal...again, get yourself erect and then, with your palm, push down on your erection. Then push back up against your palm. Do about 20 or 30 of these "penis hand pushes," as they're called, and you'll see results within weeks.

3) Don't forget diet! Get in the habit of only eating when you have an erection. The extra blood flow to your penis will carry additional calories there, which will essentially deposit fatty tissue. Now, disclosure here: this won't do much to increase your length. But it WILL increase your girth. And trust me, guys...ladies like a girthy penis.

4) Finally, don't forget the power of the mind. Study after study has shown what an enormous effect positive thinking can have on everything from disease to happiness to overall mental well-being. Repeat the following Buddhist mantra to yourself at least four times an hour, every day:  I have a large penis. I am well endowed. Women are in awe of my penis. Men cower in the presence of my penis. You're not going to see immediate results here, but over the long term, you'll be amazed.

Remember, men: just because your not blessed at the outset doesn't mean you can't find ways to catch up. Seize the day, and seize your penis.
2013-02-21 08:46:06 AM
17 votes:

unyon: FTFA:  Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog

Anybody else find this line unnecessarily descriptive?


Look, anyone who's pulled mine three times better damn well finish the job.
2013-02-21 12:38:32 PM
12 votes:
My girlfriend says a small penis shouldn't matter in a relationship.  But I still wish she didn't have one.
2013-02-21 08:38:39 AM
11 votes:
I just cut out the middleman and measure my dong with a Braddock Device.

Granted, I get some odd looks at Payless, but accuracy is what matters.
2013-02-21 10:06:33 AM
5 votes:
pe
   n
si

pen
     i
      s

peni
       s

penis

p e n i s

p  e  n  i  s

p   e   n   i   s

p     e      n      i     s
2013-02-21 09:36:09 AM
4 votes:
api.ning.com
I was in the pool!!!
2013-02-21 09:31:08 AM
4 votes:

Abox: Pocket Ninja:  those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range


Pfft. My girlfriend's clit is bigger than that.


Does your girlfriend have an unusually deep voice and a ballsack?
2013-02-21 09:24:07 AM
4 votes:

Abox: Pocket Ninja:  those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range


Pfft. My girlfriend's clit is bigger than that.


That's not a girl, and that's not a clit.
2013-02-21 09:07:37 AM
4 votes:

hangloose: PsyLord: My feet aren't that big, but they are wide.  What does that mean?

It means you're fat.


stickerish.com
2013-02-21 09:20:03 AM
3 votes:

Pocket Ninja: .

What's important here is that you start with baby steps. Do not start punching your penis right on day one...much as in exercise, where newbies go whole-hog at the start and then quickly tire and lose interest, you want to begin with a relatively simple routine. Start by flicking yourself with your finger perh ...


10/10

Would Pocket Ninja again.
2013-02-21 08:42:21 AM
3 votes:
FTFA:  Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog

Anybody else find this line unnecessarily descriptive?
2013-02-21 01:45:32 PM
2 votes:
I'm getting a kick out of this thread.
2013-02-21 11:36:16 AM
2 votes:
Also, I like to use a good level before attempting coitus. You don't want to be all cock-eyed.
disclaimer - do not attempt at Home Depot. they will make you pay for the level.
2013-02-21 10:03:14 AM
2 votes:
Water displacement test or go home.
2013-02-21 09:51:21 AM
2 votes:

HotIgneous Intruder: thecpt: spentmiles: I use the only ruler that matters - the look on her face when I cram it all in:

Thats why I installed a mirror

Convex or concave?


I pondered on this for awhile until one day when I was walking through the local fun house I notice the perfect mirror.  It was a seemingly typical fun house mirror which varied the size of the reflected objects from large to skinny.  It was skinny on bottom, skinnier at the middle, and large up top.  I placed it so the base level lined up with the top of my mattress.  The subject would feel a sense of euphoria as they faced it on all fours, as they would notice that they were suddenly skinny and better yet their ass was much skinnier than usual.  Enter me standing up.  My upper body would look gargantuan as it was reflected, but my bottom half (member included) would seem almost laughable, similar to standing on the same level with Michaels Angelo's david.  The subject might relax even more as they thought the next 10 minutes would be a rather boring affair similar to dropping a pen in your coffee cup.  Hardly noticeable except for the remnants left behind.  Au contraire mother farker.  Similar to Paula Dean trying to enter a fried donut shop through a 3 by 8 door, I'm cramming like a slacker the night before finals.

their faces are priceless.
2013-02-21 09:36:16 AM
2 votes:

Nightsweat: Abox: Pocket Ninja:  those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range


Pfft. My girlfriend's clit is bigger than that.

Does your girlfriend have an unusually deep voice and a ballsack?


She has a normal voice.  And she does have a ballsack, so what. Lots of chicks do.
2013-02-21 09:32:56 AM
2 votes:

Prof. Frink: genepool lifeboat: xanadian: FTFA: Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog.

Now all the Farkers on here are gonna picture a clown yankin' their weener, then blowing into it.

I have the weirdest boner right now.

Twisted into the shape of a dog?


Giraffe

/size 14
2013-02-21 09:24:11 AM
2 votes:
No matter what anyone tells you, don't tie a large helium balloon to your PA ring and leave it there overnight.

You'll wake up in a tree with a dick like angel hair pasta.....
2013-02-21 09:22:55 AM
2 votes:

spentmiles: I use the only ruler that matters - the look on her face when I cram it all in:


*fans herself*
2013-02-21 09:15:33 AM
2 votes:

Pocket Ninja: snipped so I don't read it again and start crying all over...



You are beautiful no matter what they say. Words can't bring you down.You are beautiful in every single way
2013-02-21 09:11:58 AM
2 votes:
I'm a 14 and you should see the canoes I strap to my feet.
2013-02-21 09:09:56 AM
2 votes:
I always heard the shoe-size-correlation was for women.....and case in point:  My wife wears a size 12 pump and down there it's like the Darvaza Gas Crater.

www.puppiesandflowers.com
 .
2013-02-21 09:00:41 AM
2 votes:

PsyLord: My feet aren't that big, but they are wide.  What does that mean?


It means you're fat.
2013-02-21 12:12:59 PM
1 votes:
I wear size 11 shoes and my penis is 8.5 inches when erect.
2013-02-21 11:56:39 AM
1 votes:

ManRay: Water displacement test or go home.


sexlivesofanimals.com
2013-02-21 11:43:14 AM
1 votes:

justaguylikeme: TheAlgebraist: karnal: I always heard the shoe-size-correlation was for women.....and case in point:  My wife wears a size 12 pump and down there it's like the Darvaza Gas Crater.

[www.puppiesandflowers.com image 450x300]
 .

Sulfurous?

Not if she keeps it clean.


She has the pool cleaner cum in twice a week.
2013-02-21 10:26:53 AM
1 votes:
White men be measuring their penis.

Black men just look down and say "that sh%t is big."
2013-02-21 10:17:50 AM
1 votes:
graphics8.nytimes.com

Also relevant:
content7.flixster.com
2013-02-21 09:56:47 AM
1 votes:

GungFu: Sybarite: Who cares? If you spend much time worrying about the size of your penis then the size of your penis is not your main problem.

If you don't have an accurate measurement of your penis and your shoe-size, how are you going to get shoes that will nicely fit your penis? Durh!


I hate it when I'm putting my shoe on my penis and I accidentally thread the lace through the eyelet in the wrong one.
2013-02-21 09:55:26 AM
1 votes:

IamKaiserSoze!!!: unyon: FTFA:  Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog

Anybody else find this line unnecessarily descriptive?

does it squeak when they pull it?


It doesn't, I do.
2013-02-21 09:53:35 AM
1 votes:

ten foiled hats: Pocket Ninja: ...Full on punching is the last step.

Wait, so you're not supposed to hoist it on the table and smack it with a rubber mallet, wack-a-mole style?  I'm doing it wrong.

/Good to see you floating around, as always.


You know what they say, "sometimes your cock is the mallet, sometimes it's the mole."
2013-02-21 09:51:10 AM
1 votes:

Amurica...Fark Ya!: New Balance shoes are the best if you have big and wide feet.  15 wide is hard to find with other brands, but not New Balance, good prices too.

/csb?


My son and I both have size 14 feet (I'm 6'1 and my son is 6'3).  NB is pretty much our only option for casual sneakers and for most other stuff we have to either order online or check Famous Footwear.  My son also plays a lot of different sports (all need different shoes.)  Most of those I have to get online.

What I'm sayin is I spend a lot of money on shoes.
2013-02-21 09:50:15 AM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: Remember, men: just because your not blessed at the outset doesn't mean you can't find ways to catch up. Seize the day, and seize your penis.


so Carpe Diem, Carpe Mentula ?
2013-02-21 09:46:23 AM
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: CapeFearCadaver: WhippingBoy: I find it telling that in a thread that essentially stereotypes men in their most holy of areas, not a single man is the slightest bit offended.

Goddamn. Just divorce her already.

What are you so afraid of?

Afraid? More like annoyed.


Good point. I fear I've looked to long into the abyss and have become what I hate the most (a person who projects his person issues on a non-existant "boogyman" [in this case the fabled "straw feminist"]).
How insufferable.

Thanks for the reality check. From now on, I will only use my powers for good.
2013-02-21 09:45:55 AM
1 votes:

xria: Is this the one where he sued for $500 million in reputational damage for a third party app that sold like 17 copies? I can understand people going in high when suing to make it easier to settle for a lesser amount, but surely it backfires if you go as far as that?


...

...

...penis?
2013-02-21 09:45:34 AM
1 votes:

karnal: I always heard the shoe-size-correlation was for women.....and case in point:  My wife wears a size 12 pump and down there it's like the Darvaza Gas Crater.

[www.puppiesandflowers.com image 450x300]
 .


She seems tight to me....
2013-02-21 09:45:03 AM
1 votes:

unyon: FTFA:  Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog

Anybody else find this line unnecessarily descriptive?


does it squeak when they pull it?
2013-02-21 09:35:52 AM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: It truly is unfortunate that so many men suffer needlessly from issues of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and downright paranoia when it come to the size of their penis. The truth is that the vast majority of men, even those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range, can still enjoy a perfectly functional sex life. Many women are more than happy to pretend they don't care about penis size in order to enjoy other advantages, and recent innovations in self-pleasuring technology help ensure that all women paired with an inadequately endowed lover can still experience an occasional orgasm. Even so, there will always be those men for whom "just another inch, just one more" becomes an all-encompassing mantra.

If this is you, just remember that there are a variety of proven, safe, effective techniques out there that millions of men have used to successfully increase their size. No, they're not the expensive penis pumps and dangerous surgeries, the snake oil pills and the online scams. They're real, and you can do them, easily, yourself.

1) Remember that the size of your penis is controlled greatly by the amount of blood flow it receives. The greater the blood flow, the greater the size. Obviously, then, the larger the veins, the larger the penis. But how do you increase your vein size? Well, veins are a lot like muscles. When you work out and get sore, what's really happening is that muscle fibers are tearing and then repairing themselves. They repair themselves bigger and stronger than they were before. If you bruise the veins in your penis, it will hurt, but they'll be bigger when they heal. Do it enough, and you'll be astounded by the results.

What's important here is that you start with baby steps. Do not start punching your penis right on day one...much as in exercise, where newbies go whole-hog at the start and then quickly tire and lose interest, you want to begin with a relatively simple routine. Start by flicking yourself with your finger perhaps 30 times in a row, up and down all the veins that you can see. When it hurts too much to go on, give yourself another 3 or 4 flicks, then call it a day. Rest for two days, then repeat. If there's a little bruising, don't worry, that's normal. When you've successfully acclimated yourself to the flicking, move on to slapping, then clapping. Full on punching is the last step.

2) Also remember that your penis DOES have actual muscles in it. In fact, it is a muscle. So work it out! Any time your find yourself taking your penis out -- after a shower, at a urinal, watching porn, etc. -- don't just play with, exercise it! After a shower, get yourself erect and walk around for 10 or 15 minutes with a towel hanging from your penis. Start with the lighter towels, the wash cloths and hand towels, and work your way up to bath towels. You can do basic isometrics at a urinal...again, get yourself erect and then, with your palm, push down on your erection. Then push back up against your palm. Do about 20 or 30 of these "penis hand pushes," as they're called, and you'll see results within weeks.

3) Don't forget diet! Get in the habit of only eating when you have an erection. The extra blood flow to your penis will carry additional calories there, which will essentially deposit fatty tissue. Now, disclosure here: this won't do much to increase your length. But it WILL increase your girth. And trust me, guys...ladies like a girthy penis.

4) Finally, don't forget the power of the mind. Study after study has shown what an enormous effect positive thinking can have on everything from disease to happiness to overall mental well-being. Repeat the following Buddhist mantra to yourself at least four times an hour, every day:  I have a large penis. I am well endowed. Women are in awe of my penis. Men cower in the presence of my penis. You're not going to see immediate results here, but over the long term, you'll be amazed.

Remember, men: just because your not blessed at the outset doesn't mean you can't find ways to catch up. Seize the day, and seize your penis.


Brevity is the soul of wit. Oh sorry, I meant dude you're so awesome bro
2013-02-21 09:25:46 AM
1 votes:
Pocket Ninja and spentmiles in the same thread.  Starting out to be a good day.
2013-02-21 09:24:21 AM
1 votes:
"pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog."

I draw the line at someone trying to blow into mine and then twist it into a shape and giving it to a kid

/too far?
2013-02-21 09:21:51 AM
1 votes:
Pocket Ninja: ...Full on punching is the last step.

Wait, so you're not supposed to hoist it on the table and smack it with a rubber mallet, wack-a-mole style?  I'm doing it wrong.

/Good to see you floating around, as always.
2013-02-21 09:19:49 AM
1 votes:

Abox: Pocket Ninja:  those who might have an abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range


Pfft. My girlfriend's clit is bigger than that.


Are you dating Chyna?

/Clenis
2013-02-21 09:15:19 AM
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: It truly is unfortunate that so many men suffer needlessly from issues of low self-esteem, self-doubt, and downright paranoia when it come to the size of their penis. The truth is that the vast majority of men, even those who might have an  abnormally small penis in the 6-7 inch range, can still ...


<you're not helping.jpg>
2013-02-21 09:09:51 AM
1 votes:

PsyLord: hangloose: PsyLord: My feet aren't that big, but they are wide.  What does that mean?

It means you're fat.

[stickerish.com image 145x154]


I apologize for saying that.
2013-02-21 08:56:20 AM
1 votes:
southparkstudios.mtvnimages.com
2013-02-21 08:54:22 AM
1 votes:
Come on, baby.
Let's do the twist.
2013-02-21 08:54:21 AM
1 votes:
 It turns out there is more than one way to stretch a penis

That's what she said.
2013-02-21 08:51:59 AM
1 votes:

Nurglitch: unyon: FTFA:  Other researchers pull the penis to length three times before measuring it, the way a clown repeatedly stretches a balloon before inflating it and twisting it into the shape of a dog

Anybody else find this line unnecessarily descriptive?

You don't do that with your penis? Weird...


I usually turn mine into a 26-inch rendering of the FSM (suitable for framing!).

/Ramen.
2013-02-21 08:48:53 AM
1 votes:
Idiocracy: Coming to a reality near you.
2013-02-21 08:31:05 AM
1 votes:
I'm a grower, not a show-er. And stretched out, I know it's not as big as when it's fully...um, engaged, so to speak.
 
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