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(10TV Columbus)   Some stories have it all. 500 pound man riding motorized shopping cart is being accused of setting a fire at Walmart to cover his shoplifiting tracks. With pics of what a 500 pound man riding a motorized cart thru Walmart would look like   (10tv.com) divider line 68
    More: Fail, Wal-Mart, motorized shopping cart, Whitehall  
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12234 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2013 at 9:06 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-20 11:12:45 PM

Misidea: /Saw some weird stuff during my stint, but this takes the cake.


If the cake was on a lower shelf, I bet he took that too
 
2013-02-20 11:51:56 PM
They forgot to mention the part where he was forced to eat his own beard:

i.huffpost.com
 
2013-02-21 12:09:49 AM

MutantMotherMouse: John Buck 41: If you weigh 500 pounds you have no business leaving your home. Go be fat somewhere else. Like home.

The real story is how he ever left home. Seriously? How? Is his front door a garage bay door? What does a 500 lb person drive/ride?


A coach-and-four.
 
2013-02-21 12:37:47 AM

megarian: lemortede: John Buck 41: If you weigh 500 pounds you have no business leaving your home. Go be fat somewhere else. Like home.

^^
This.
/Fat man
//I can move under my own power though.
///Trying really hard to get it all off. Lost 75# so far.

Holy crap...75 pounds!?! That's some serious dedication. Congrats!!!


Thanks. I am under 300# now.
Still have another 60 or so to go before I will feel good.
 
2013-02-21 01:37:40 AM

Egalitarian: Misidea: As a former Wal-mart loss prevention associate, I'm getting a kick.
/Saw some weird stuff during my stint, but this takes the cake.

CSS time:

I worked at Walmart as a teenager. One time, a woman tried to scam me, trying to take a large inflatable pool toy through the register line without paying.  She said something like "My brother has the receipt. I'm trying to find him. But you see, I have a dead eye."  I was polite but thinking, OK one-eye, let's see this brother with the receipt.

I also had a customer who appeared to have been partially decapitated and her head perched precariously on her neck, with little pieces of tape holding it on. I shiat you not, this woman had a continuous horizontal scar where I could see the front of her throat, and there were little pieces of some kind of striated tape sitting vertically over the scar, spaced at even intervals. She tried to hold her head down to hide it, hence the odd head angle. She was with a guy, I wondered if he was the author of that scar and whether he forced her to go out without a high-necked shirt or scarf to hide it.

\has many more appalling WalMart stories


Do share.

/rilly
 
2013-02-21 03:20:53 AM
Clearly has the same addiction as Jane.
 
Skr
2013-02-21 03:43:33 AM
Hmm a fat arsonist with mobilities problems sounds like a future case of the Wick Effect to me.


Also stealing safes seems a bit ironic, but perhaps only in the Morissette way though.
 
2013-02-21 04:17:23 AM
Dad?


FunkOut: It's a bit different in Canada. It's basically a regular store here.


Same here in Michigan, which is why I don't mind shopping there (for some things). Frosted Flakes are Frosted Flakes, and if I can get them cheaper at Walmart, then that is what I will do. In the same way, I never pay more than 99 cents for a pack of hot dogs/salchichas (You know they must be good because half the label is in Spanish).

Bastard Toadflax: So, just to be sure... we're all OK with using his weight to hate him even more?


welcometofark.jpg
 
2013-02-21 05:04:07 AM

Misidea: Dear lord. I think the worst I had was being propositioned by shoplifters after they were caught, also angry dwarfs going punch-happy.


I was working night shift at a Shoppers in Edmonton and a guy from the Philippines kept trying to pimp out his tranny brother on me. It was obviously a guy in a dress. He wasn't jokeing either. He was pimping his goddamn brother.
 
2013-02-21 05:26:08 AM

Misidea: Egalitarian: Misidea: As a former Wal-mart loss prevention associate, I'm getting a kick.
/Saw some weird stuff during my stint, but this takes the cake.

CSS time:

I worked at Walmart as a teenager. One time, a woman tried to scam me, trying to take a large inflatable pool toy through the register line without paying.  She said something like "My brother has the receipt. I'm trying to find him. But you see, I have a dead eye."  I was polite but thinking, OK one-eye, let's see this brother with the receipt.

I also had a customer who appeared to have been partially decapitated and her head perched precariously on her neck, with little pieces of tape holding it on. I shiat you not, this woman had a continuous horizontal scar where I could see the front of her throat, and there were little pieces of some kind of striated tape sitting vertically over the scar, spaced at even intervals. She tried to hold her head down to hide it, hence the odd head angle. She was with a guy, I wondered if he was the author of that scar and whether he forced her to go out without a high-necked shirt or scarf to hide it.

\has many more appalling WalMart stories

Dear lord. I think the worst I had was being propositioned by shoplifters after they were caught, also angry dwarfs going punch-happy.


I work for Fred Meyer, not WalMart, but we had a guy die of an overdose in our restroom a few years back.  Another store in the chain (actually closer to my apartment than the store I work at) had a fatal stabbing in their bathroom when a drug deal went bad.  There's a homeless guy who lives behind our store, known to the employees as "Mumbles," who has a tendency to get into screaming fights - and, occasionally, apparent fistfights - with people who aren't there.

I'll grant retail work this much: it ain't boring.
 
2013-02-21 06:03:55 AM

FunkOut: Benderama: Anyone who has ever been to a Walmart knows what a 500 lbs man riding a motorized shopping looks like.

It's a bit different in Canada. It's basically a regular store here.


No kidding. They are not the most appealing places to shop, but at least they didn't feel like a dollar general or something.

I finally understood the jokes last year when I spent some loooong time working in Florida near Cape Canavral. Man, it's like a used roach trap of crazy and ginormous... Plus it was Florida summer and the electronics section felt like a bootleg movie theather for those who could not afford air conditioning and soap at home.

US Walmart opened my eyes as to the points of these jokes.
 
2013-02-21 07:05:52 AM

MutantMotherMouse: John Buck 41: If you weigh 500 pounds you have no business leaving your home. Go be fat somewhere else. Like home.

The real story is how he ever left home. Seriously? How? Is his front door a garage bay door? What does a 500 lb person drive/ride?


The bed of a pickup truck.
 
2013-02-21 08:05:51 AM

lemortede: megarian: lemortede: John Buck 41: If you weigh 500 pounds you have no business leaving your home. Go be fat somewhere else. Like home.

^^
This.
/Fat man
//I can move under my own power though.
///Trying really hard to get it all off. Lost 75# so far.

Holy crap...75 pounds!?! That's some serious dedication. Congrats!!!

Thanks. I am under 300# now.
Still have another 60 or so to go before I will feel good.


Good for you - it's hard work....takes time....and progress is NOT in a straight line, so keep on keeping on.

(down from 250 to 208 as of this AM since 11/15).
 
2013-02-21 10:04:38 AM
well if anybody comes back to this thread, here are some random other memories of Walmart fun:

I won a scholarship and my (17 year old, acned, unibrowed) picture was up in the back by layaway.  There were two stalkers back there bothering the layaway ladies while staring at my picture. One of those stalker guys came through my line a couple times. I had to ask for his driver's license and he said "Oh is that so you can get my phone number?" and another time he gave me exact change and caressed my hand while doing so. "How do you keep your skin so soft?" When I pulled my hand away in disgust he said "You should treat your customers better!"  The other guy, I never figured out who he was, although multiple people told me about him being obsessed with me.

A skinny redneck guy came through my line, I was horrified to see he was wearing a t-shirt that said "[n-word] olympics" and had a caricature of a black guy (looked like a character from Fat Albert) jumping over a fence with a chicken in one hand.

Another redneck came through my line and claimed I overcharged him because sales tax was applied to the amount. He was livid all the way out the door.

A couple came through my line with a boy with Down's Syndrome, whom they clearly doted on. He came up behind me in the register booth and put his hand on my butt, and they just looked at him like he was the most adorable sunshine-drenched cherub you've ever seen.

I had a lot of customers missing all or part of an arm. Don't know if that was from farm accidents or what.

I told an old lady I was going back to college (in a big city). She had this cartoonish reaction: "Why would you want to go up there with all that FILTH?!?"

Some plump nasty customers had inartfully swapped price tags on clothes. My supervisor came over and tried to sort it out. The nasty women grumbled "This place is getting as bad as K-Mart."

An old lady came through my line, buying a purse. I pulled out the crumpled up paper stuffing and found a package of condoms.  She got all flummoxed.  "I didn't put that in there!"

I had to write out a customer's check for her, because she was illiterate except for being able to sign her name.

There was a  dying scale in the desert aisle by men's clothing which had a cheerful woman's voice, but slowed down to androgyny, saying "Have you checked your weight today?" or "Check your weight daily for fitness and health!" about every 90 seconds. Creepy when you had to close the store and straighten out that section, and this voice is piping up from behind a few racks of clothing.

Incidentally I had a Walmart-esque experience the other day at the store. Now when I visit the South I am not surprised to see rednecks in full timberland-camo hunting gear doing their daily shopping at Walmart and Kmart. But I live in Colorado now. Was at the supermarket and this huge redneck guy with the eyes-too-wide-apart, wearing the camo hunting outfit, was eyeing me in the produce section. Uhhhhmmm, no tanx.
 
2013-02-21 10:20:40 AM

Misidea: As a former Wal-mart loss prevention associate, I'm getting a kick.
/Saw some weird stuff during my stint, but this takes the cake.


Pretty sure I know where that cake was taken...
 
2013-02-21 12:04:45 PM
The aliens among us are losing their ability to hold their shape in our gravity ....
 
2013-02-21 02:45:56 PM

FunkOut: It's a bit different in Canada. It's basically a regular store here.


The customers are much more normal appearing in Canada, but my experience is that Canadian white trash are a lot thinner and tend to wear more clothing due to the colder climate. WalMart merchandise is still cheap crap haphazardly thrown on the shelves, though. Basically WalMart just took over where Zellers and The Bay left off.

/Lived in Canada 40 years
//Miss it a little
 
2013-02-21 09:29:00 PM

Spraynard Krueger: They forgot to mention the part where he was forced to eat his own beard:

[i.huffpost.com image 300x219]


i.imgur.com
 
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