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(Science World Report)   Scientists discover that men are from Mars, women are from planet Oh God Why Are You Still Talking, Sweet Jesus Do You Ever Get to the Point   (scienceworldreport.com) divider line 158
    More: Interesting, get to the point, The Journal of Neuroscience, scientists  
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13474 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2013 at 3:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
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Archived thread
2013-02-20 02:41:16 PM  
13 votes:

Diogenes: Not much verbalization required, but men developed better spatial skills and sense of direction.


The verbalization that was required was also quite brief. "Look, mammoth" tended to lead to more kills than "Mammoth again? We had mammoth yesterday and the day before that, and you know I'm trying to fit into my new, cute wolf pelt for spring, and isn't it a little cold for this time of year? I talked to Thogette yesterday - oh, you know her - from the valley. They're so stuck up, I know, but Thogette said that the other day that her husband gave her a moose antler because he thought it was the winter equinox and they were like 'Excuse me? That is not how we celebrate the passing of the season in this cave.' So anyways, what was I talking about? Oh yeah..."

It's implied that the caveman in the second half of that story later died from a self-inflicted javelin wound to the head.
2013-02-20 01:54:13 PM  
13 votes:
Article says women are better at small talk?  If the point at small talk is to say 20 gazillion words with no clear point and no single topic or direction then yes, women are great at small talk.  If the point is to kill time and actually learn something, men are better at small talk.

Here is a typical guy conversation:

Guy A: Hey GuyB what's up?
Guy B: Oh, just finished working on my water heater
Guy A: Oh, I couldn't fix mine, the dead hooker parts in my crawl space keep getting jammed up in there
Guy B: Yeah, you gotta be careful about that, here, let me show you how to optimize your central heating while still disposing of dead prostitutes
Guy A: Thanks GuyB, that will be very helpful

And now a typical Woman conversation:

WomanA: Hey WomanB, how are you today?
WomanB: I am great, I went shopping with WomanC and we bought 24 new shoes and after we bought the shoes we saw WomanD and WomanD is totally cheating on GuyB while he's working on the water heater and that's totally because she's a busybody biatch always wearing those tight sweaters and short skirts to work and I heard from WomanE that she had a nose job when she was a teenager, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, because I promised not to tell anyone when WomanE told me, oh and hey we should go to Burger King later even though we shouldn't because my thighs really don't need that but that Pilates class we started last week will burn it off and OH. MY. GOD. that instructor is so hot I want him to wear me like a pinky ring
2013-02-20 04:14:18 PM  
12 votes:

Jument: WhippingBoy: ChrisDe: At times I'm tempted to put a security camera in the kitchen so I could play back what she actually said, and not what she thought she said. But somehow that would backfire on me.

I've fantasized about doing this as well. But yeah, it would almost certainly backfire.

It's like thermodynamics. You cannot win.


And who really wants video of their wife banging some dude on the kitchen counter? There was an unclean towel still on it!
2013-02-20 04:17:49 PM  
11 votes:
Gf: Where's the Klondike bars?
Me: I don't know
Gf: Did you eat them all?
Me: I ate some, I'm not sure how many
Gf: Well they're all gone so you must have eaten all of them!
Me: Ok
Gf: I only had one!
Me: I'll stop by the store and get some more if you want
Gf: So now we have to make a special trip just for Klondike bars?? You'll just eat those too
Me: Isn't that what they're for?
Gf: They're for both of us!
Me: So eat them! It's not my fault you only ate one.
Gf: You know I'm dieting right now!
Me: ???
2013-02-20 05:13:22 PM  
10 votes:
Two hundred comments in two hours.... Fark is a woman.
2013-02-20 03:24:42 PM  
10 votes:

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget.

For example, this past Sunday evening:

Wife: Jen wants to bra shopping. Maybe at Nordys.
Me: Nordys?
Wife: Nordstroms.
Me: That's the same amount of syllables.
Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not

Monday afternoon
Wife: I'll head straight home after work.
Me: OK, as opposed to?
Wife: Going bra shopping
Me: didnt realize you had made a plan to that
Wife: i mentioned that yesterday. about going with Jen
Me: I know, you mentioned it, didn't know you had planned to do so today
Wife: well, no matter. it's not happening.

I can't believe you don't listen to me. Why don't you love me? 
Me: OK What the hell?

FTFY
2013-02-20 06:09:13 PM  
9 votes:
HER: "What did you buy at Walgreens today?
ME: "Where?"
HER: "Walgreens. I was looking at the checking account online and saw a debit card transaction for $5.43."
ME: "Oh. Tylenol. I had a bad headache."
HER: "I thought we were going to discuss debit card purchases together before making them as part of our new family budget plan."
ME: "Um..."
HER: "I mean, you can't just live your own separate life like this. We need to communicate if we're going to make this budget work. You know the Millers, right? They put all of their expenditures from each day into a spreadsheet together, every night, and they..."
ME: (leaving room)
HER: "Where are you going?"
ME: "Getting the Tylenol."
2013-02-20 04:03:41 PM  
9 votes:

Theaetetus: female apes played an important role not only in the development of tools for crushing nuts


Speech being their tool of choice.
2013-02-20 04:03:20 PM  
9 votes:
Common refrain, by me:

"Honey, can we please jump ahead to the part where you tell me the specific details about what we have to attend?"

Then I get to eat dinner by myself, which is allegedly a punishment.
2013-02-20 02:00:51 PM  
9 votes:
So you're saying that if I give her more of my man-protein, she'll yack less?
2013-02-20 01:53:58 PM  
9 votes:

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Me: That's the same amount of syllables.
Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not


That right there is my favorite part of talking to a woman, where you bring up a point or a clarification, there's no acknowledgement of it - maybe an arched eyebrow at most - then she jumps three pages down the script into the middle of whatever she was talking about beforehand. Every conversation ends up being a jumbled stream of consciousness where you have to put the chronological pieces together like you're farking Indiana Jones.
2013-02-20 06:03:49 PM  
6 votes:
DNRTFA or the CT.

i.imgur.com

All you need to know.
2013-02-20 04:44:58 PM  
6 votes:
It's amusing that so many of you are married to dipshiats who won't shut up. I'd be sympathetic, but so many of you are also assholes, so I figure you deserve it.
2013-02-20 04:02:31 PM  
6 votes:
My wife also has this unshakable belief that as long as I'm in the house, no matter what room I'm in or what's going on around her, that if she talks, I can somehow  hear her.

This morning: I'm in the downstairs shower, with the radio blasting. I finish, and walk upstairs...

Her: "Well???"
Me: "Well what?"
Her: "Weren't you listening to me???"
Me: ???
2013-02-20 03:47:45 PM  
6 votes:
Best Comment: "But is there a cure?"
2013-02-20 02:06:32 PM  
6 votes:
images.wikia.com

Yep.
2013-02-20 01:32:43 PM  
6 votes:
Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget.

For example, this past Sunday evening:

Wife: Jen wants to bra shopping. Maybe at Nordys.
Me: Nordys?
Wife: Nordstroms.
Me: That's the same amount of syllables.
Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not

Monday afternoon
Wife: I'll head straight home after work.
Me: OK, as opposed to?
Wife: Going bra shopping
Me: didnt realize you had made a plan to that
Wife: i mentioned that yesterday. about going with Jen
Me: I know, you mentioned it, didn't know you had planned to do so today
Wife: well, no matter. it's not happening.
Me: OK
2013-02-20 04:31:38 PM  
5 votes:
In the early years of our marriage I used to be able to stop Mrs, Henry's babble-yakking with a loud burst of flatulence.
Now all it does is switch the subject noise to "poor air quality", "stubborn laundry stains" and "demands to see a doctor".
2013-02-20 04:13:44 PM  
5 votes:
After reading this thread I can only conclude that most of us are married to the same woman.
2013-02-20 04:05:14 PM  
5 votes:
"You should do ~n before it gets cold"

"I will."

"No, you wont.  You say you will but you never finish anything."

"Didn't I do A,. B, B and all that other crap you asked about last  month?"

"Only because I nagged you."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, cause and effect.  Have you tried NOT nagging me and seeing what happens?"

"You're not the only person who makes decisions in this family!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Why are you so pigheaded?"

"Why do you have to try and convince me that without your foot up my ass, I couldn't tie my own shoes?"

"Whut UVER, you are so immature."

"Yes, that must be it."

"So are you going to do ~n?"

"*sigh*"
2013-02-20 03:57:17 PM  
5 votes:
1) Leave work
2) Call wife
3) Tell her I'm on the way home
4) She starts talking and won't shut up
5) Drive 20 minutes home
6) Walk in door while wife is still talking
7) Wife gets pissed

Yay me.
2013-02-20 03:55:20 PM  
5 votes:

SmackLT: Just different communication styles. Although I tend to be more wary when she uses a much smaller number of words because it sounds evasive by comparison.

Her: So I ran into Martin the other day.
Me: Oh really?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Where?
Her: Bookstore.
Me: Okay. So did you guys talk?
Her: A little.
Me: Then he left?
Her: No, we got coffee.
Me: Oh.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: So what did you guys talk about?
Her: Nothing.
Me: ...


Yeah..... she's doing Martin.
2013-02-20 05:50:33 PM  
4 votes:
I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!
2013-02-20 05:48:16 PM  
4 votes:
I typically walk around with an image of myself as a bad-ass apex predator, but whenever my wife begins a sentence with the word, "So..." (ellipses intentional) I freeze like a baby bunny in the underbrush. Sometimes, if I stay still and silent long enough, I blend back into her perceptual background and escape the hour-long, one-sided conversation about nothing she was about to initiate.
2013-02-20 05:13:59 PM  
4 votes:

treesloth: bunner: "I mean, cause and effect. Have you tried NOT nagging me and seeing what happens?"

See, I've tried to explain that.  I've even had this conversation:

Her:  When are you going to do X?
Me:  I already did.
Her:  When?
Me:  This morning.
Her:  It's about time.
Me:  You first asked me to do it this morning.
Her:  I shouldn't have had to remind you.
Me:  You didn't.  I did it this morning.

And I have the hardest time getting across the fact that her apparent need to remind me of something is not the same as me needing to be reminded.  If anything, if she really thinks I'm that much of a farking idiot, it just deprives her of the opportunity to be surprised when I do it without being reminded... like I absolutely always do.


Pfft. My wife reminds me to do stuff I'm already doing.

Her: could you do the dishes?
Me (standing by the kitchen sink, sponge in hand, dishwasher open: As soon as I finish washing my balls, I'll get to it.
Her: What's wrong with you?
2013-02-20 05:00:05 PM  
4 votes:

ObscureNameHere: blatz514: TrixieDelite: I am a corporate receptionist.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

That there is full of so much win!

Can someone *please* post the image of 'Her Diary / His Diary'?     (can't from work)

The gist is a woman's diary entry for one day (a paragraph that goes into ever escalating drama and interpretation with no evidence) and her man's entry for the same day (about a sentence...which actually answers all of the drama of the women's succintly).  Funny and enlightening, in one!


Here ya go.  I got bizzay, otherwise it would have been quicker.

1.bp.blogspot.com
2013-02-20 04:53:22 PM  
4 votes:

TrixieDelite: His diary/her diary


Shenanigans. Men don't keep diaries.
2013-02-20 04:44:29 PM  
4 votes:
2013-02-20 04:30:53 PM  
4 votes:
A friend of mine asked my advice on dating and I told him to just listen. She'll talk on and on but keep quiet and listen with minimal speaking. If you can do this, just the act of talking will make the woman more comfortable with you and she'll trust you more.

He called me after the date. "Man that listening crap really works....but it was hard not to doze off."
2013-02-20 07:31:46 PM  
3 votes:

ciberido: sethen320: My wife is horrible at communicating.  Incomplete thoughts, wrong words used, etc...

We just had a conversation about it the other day.  She has a bad habit of doing stuff like not actually pointing at things when asking for help retrieving something or whatnot.  She will "point" by looking at the object and then say "can you hand me that".  This typically leads to me or some other poor soul desperately trying to guess what "that" may be while being polite about it.  Meanwhile she gets more and more frustrated.

Nepalis often point with their lips.  It seems weird at first, but it homes in handy sometimes, mainly when both hands are already occupied.

Apparently some other cultures also point with their lips, as well.


Would not hit it -- pointy lips.
studman69
2013-02-20 06:18:49 PM  
3 votes:
Her: What do you want for supper?
Me: How about steak?
Her: I defrosted the salmon.
Me: OK, let's have the salmon.
Her: But I don't have an onion for the rice!
Me: I'll go get one.
Her: I don't really feel like cooking the salmon.
Me: OK.
Her: Unless you really want it.
Me: No, what would you like?
Her: But I defrosted the salmon, I don't want it to go bad.
Me: OK.
Her: What do you want with it.
Me: Why don't we have some of those frozen vegies we have.
Her: We could have steak, there's some in the freezer.
Me: Great.
Her: unless you want the salmon.
2013-02-20 04:47:26 PM  
3 votes:

reveal101: PanicAttack: my alt's alt's alt: I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and shoes
//men think I'm "cold"
///fark the lot of them

As an ISTJ, I completely agree.

Another INTJ (male) here. I'm pretty sure that fark is filled with people with similar personality types, this opinion being based on over 10 years of lurking the threads. Introverted and extremely intelligent people tend to flock to this site.


i1094.photobucket.com
Explain the politics tab, then.
2013-02-20 04:47:13 PM  
3 votes:
Her: OMG the toaster is broken! It won't stay down. We will need to go to Target and get a new one. I think we'll have enough time if
(Interrupting)
Me: Is it plugged in?
Her:....
Me: Well?
Her: Shut up!
2013-02-20 04:34:27 PM  
3 votes:

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: Every conversation ends up being a jumbled stream of consciousness where you have to put the chronological pieces together like you're farking Indiana Jones.


OMFG, now I understand why I hide in my refrigerator when my wife starts talking....
2013-02-20 04:24:31 PM  
3 votes:

TrixieDelite: I am a corporate receptionist.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.



I sincerely doubt it.
2013-02-20 04:06:10 PM  
3 votes:

SuperChuck: Do none of you have a wife filter? I don't even hear 80% of what my wife says at times.


I've got one, but it seems to block out something like 95%. I obviously have it set too high.  Anyway, I do miss things that I do want to know like, "Where are you going?"  She comes in from the grocery store and I'll ask, "Where have you been?"  That's usually a bad question because I was (allegedly) told in advance. In my defense, my wife is set at an unusual high level of motormouth.  Even other women think her setting is off the chart.  So I have to compensate and get the occasional biatch-bites because I missed something.
2013-02-20 04:03:13 PM  
3 votes:
At times I'm tempted to put a security camera in the kitchen so I could play back what she actually said, and not what she thought she said. But somehow that would backfire on me.
2013-02-20 04:02:10 PM  
3 votes:

SmackLT: Just different communication styles. Although I tend to be more wary when she uses a much smaller number of words because it sounds evasive by comparison.

Her: So I ran into Martin the other day.
Me: Oh really?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Where?
Her: Bookstore.
Me: Okay. So did you guys talk?
Her: A little.
Me: Then he left?
Her: No, we got coffee.
Me: Oh.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: So what did you guys talk about?
Her: Nothing.
Me: ...


She have him a blowjob in the parking lot.

My gf complains that I don't listen to her, which is true, but only because about 5% of what she says is relevant. If I didn't have to listen to two hours of why your mom left your sister's wedding early and how your other sister is now caught in the middle, maybe I'd remember when the 2 minutes you were telling me about what we needed from Home Depot.
2013-02-20 04:01:37 PM  
3 votes:

doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.


I call b.s. on your entire answer because of that one phrase.
2013-02-20 04:01:17 PM  
3 votes:

hitlersbrain: If you are a man, imagine all the time, thought and energy you put into dreaming about sex and scheming to get sex. Assume women have about the same energy levels and that they have practically no sex drive. All that energy has to go somewhere right?


Would explain how stores that are dedicated entirely to scrapbooking stay in business.
2013-02-20 03:53:50 PM  
3 votes:
I am going to teach a class. "How To Respond When Someone At Work Asks You How You Are 101."

Only accetable answer: "Fine, how are you?"

All other responses get an F.
2013-02-20 03:52:47 PM  
3 votes:
Just different communication styles. Although I tend to be more wary when she uses a much smaller number of words because it sounds evasive by comparison.

Her: So I ran into Martin the other day.
Me: Oh really?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Where?
Her: Bookstore.
Me: Okay. So did you guys talk?
Her: A little.
Me: Then he left?
Her: No, we got coffee.
Me: Oh.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: So what did you guys talk about?
Her: Nothing.
Me: ...
2013-02-20 03:29:28 PM  
3 votes:
Scientists have discovered that women possess higher levels of a "language protein" in their brains, which could explain why females are so talkative.

Which would be fine, if they had higher levels of content.
2013-02-20 01:54:50 PM  
3 votes:
www.phdcomics.com

Or, specifically in this article:
1. The average woman talks more than the average man.
2. Male rat pups cry more than female rat pups, and they have twice as much of the protein FOXP2.
3. In a study of 10 human children, the females had more of the FOXP2 protein than the males.

... which is translated as "we discovered the protein that causes adult women to talk more!"
2013-02-21 02:42:36 AM  
2 votes:
My ex would say a hundred times a day: "I love youuuu."
Initially I'd say "I love you too."; and I meant it.
After a while there was a pause after she said "I love youuuu.", followed by "don't you love meeee?".
And initially, I said "oh.. yeah, of course I love you".
I think you can see where this is going.
Eventually, finally, my answer was "no".
I had to call the cops.
2013-02-20 08:54:01 PM  
2 votes:
dilbert.com
dilbert.com
2013-02-20 07:54:53 PM  
2 votes:

BolloxReader: Or one could go the SImpsons route and use shock collars but I don't suggest playing with electricity above the waist.


But that only leaves...
i0.kym-cdn.com
2013-02-20 07:34:37 PM  
2 votes:
What I've learned from Fark today is that a lot of couples need to learn how to communicate with one another. Use a talking stick, but reverse it. The person who isn't talking holds it and when the other person starts into problematic communication, they get beaten with the talking stick. It's gender neutral. In fact both people could have their own talking sticks, which must be surrendered before starting to speak. This surrender of the talking stick is consent to whatever corrective actions must be taken by the other party.

If she's rambling or he's being insensitive, it gives immediate tangible feedback, Also, the potential for swordfights which is an awesome addition to any couple's dynamic IMHO.

Or one could go the SImpsons route and use shock collars but I don't suggest playing with electricity above the waist.
2013-02-20 06:28:22 PM  
2 votes:

Precision Boobery: vegaswench: I am going to teach a class. "How To Respond When Someone At Work Asks You How You Are 101."

Only accetable answer: "Fine, how are you?"

All other responses get an F.

I hate this shiat.  If you don't want to know how I am, don't ask the question, you shallow, disingenuous prick.  Also, don't stand there looking offended when I don't ask you the same question.  I don't ask unless I care enough about the answer to want a real one.


My usually response is "meh".  That's it.  I don't ask back because I don't give a shiat how you are doing.  I don't even like you.  I tolerate you because I have to work with you, but when I finally snap, you're the first one I'm going to shoot....

Did I say that out loud?
2013-02-20 06:28:13 PM  
2 votes:
They conducted a small study on human children aged four to five years who had died in accidents less than 24 hours previously.

SCIENCE!
2013-02-20 06:22:07 PM  
2 votes:

Glancing Blow: Her: What do you want for supper?


"Pizza.  I ordered it"

"What about the salmon?"

"F*ck the salmon."
2013-02-20 06:14:04 PM  
2 votes:
OgreMagi:Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

Probably because you silently mimed "In-n-Out burger" with hip thrusts. You have to admit that looks pretty obscene.
2013-02-20 06:10:37 PM  
2 votes:

Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS


Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.
2013-02-20 06:05:37 PM  
2 votes:

YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?


They are female.
2013-02-20 05:34:59 PM  
2 votes:
catmacros.files.wordpress.com
2013-02-20 05:10:48 PM  
2 votes:

JNowe: Scientists have discovered that women possess higher levels of a "language protein" in their brains, which could explain why females are so talkative.

Which would be fine, if they had higher levels of content.


It's the same amount of content, but now with 50% more volume!
2013-02-20 05:07:03 PM  
2 votes:

AncientLurker: Smelly Pirate Hooker: It's amusing that so many of you are married to dipshiats who won't shut up. I'd be sympathetic, but so many of you are also assholes, so I figure you deserve it.

I wont speak for all the assholes (just me), but this is just venting/commiseration. My current gf does yammer occasionally, but I find it amusing, especially since she doesn't do all of the passive/aggressive, underhanded vindictive garbage my X did wife did.


OK. Cool for you.

What I suspect is happening is the same thing parents do with children. It's easier to give in to somebody than correct them. Of course, that means you have to put up with their bullshiat for the rest of their life. Or until you sick enough of it to put a stop to it.

My mother used to tell me fairly long stories about people she works with. I'd asked her how work was going, so fine. But while telling the story, she'd tell me who various people were related to: "I was talking to Becky, she's Mary's daughter" or "And Joan was there, she's John's wife," and I'd wait for this bit of familial info to be come relevant. Then she'd get to the end of the story, and that's it. No clue as to why the fark I had to know who Becky's mother or Joan's husband was. So after awhile, I decided I'd had enough and in the middle of one of these stories, I asked her, "Is there a reason I need to know why so and so is so and so's daughter?" Her: "Well, no, not really." Me: "OK, just checking."

I could tell I hurt her feelings. And knowing her (because my mother almost never forgets an offense) she's still kinda pissed. But she hasn't done it since. Fine by me.

Of course, I don't need to have sex with my mother and I'm happy to go days without talking to her, so I can do this, whereas some of you poor farkers are stuck with the morons you're married to. Have fun.
2013-02-20 04:55:33 PM  
2 votes:
Worst-er is the "midnight download."  I can't keep my eyes open, need to be up in 6 hours or less, and now is the time she wants to offload every bit of data.      I try, I really DO try, to keep my eyes open.  Problem is, I'm concentrating so hard on staying awake that I can't focus on what she's saying, much less process that information or contribute to the "conversation".   At some point, my eyes just close and I'm unaware of that fact, but can still hear talking without understanding a word.

"Kids have a swim practice tomorrow and then there's Y's birthday party Saturday but we were going to eat with neighbors so we'll get Grandma to take Kid3 to that, so Kid1 and Kid2 can stay home.  Should we get them pizza?  I have to work Sunday from home for a project, so you'll have to take care of the laundry and shopping, when you're making the list don't forget q-tips and conditioner.  I don't care what kind, just not mango.  Speaking of which, should we pick up an appetizer for Saturday?  When we go on vacation next summer we should bring video X which will be fun for the family.  Kid 2 has a loose tooth, so make sure you get some dollar coins at the bank.  Oh, the shopping list we need some AA batteries and some tea.  We need to get Kid1 and Kid2 to the swimming store to try on team suits.  2 weeks from Friday is Market Day - did you order anything yet?  I liked the eggplant last time, so get that, unless you want something else.  Were you going to help your dad on Sunday too?  Your mom called and they'd like your help with {chore}..."

The next morning I'm wondering why my dad needs to wash a mango-eggplant swimming suit.
2013-02-20 04:51:27 PM  
2 votes:

WhippingBoy: farkingnotworking: YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?

I'm wondering that too.  And why do you stay with them if they annoy you so?

Probably because we're not spoiled little children who turn our backs on people we love just because they have some annoying habits.


LOL. You used the word "love," as if you actually meant it.
2013-02-20 04:42:21 PM  
2 votes:

Endive Wombat: I can tell you that part of my frustration with my wife's yammering is my job. I talk all day long, I am in meetings every day, I am on the phone all day. Sometimes, I want to watch stupid, mindless TV or listen to show tunes and cook without any conversation, even if it is just for an hour.


So...it's the title "wife" that causes the talking, not the gender?
2013-02-20 04:35:39 PM  
2 votes:

Endive Wombat: I can tell you that part of my frustration with my wife's yammering is my job.  I talk all day long, I am in meetings every day, I am on the phone all day.  Sometimes, I want to watch stupid, mindless TV or listen to show tunes and cook without any conversation, even if it is just for an hour.


Sometimes I just want to sit in a chair and stare into space. Mrs. Henry always assumes I'm having a stroke and calls the damn ambulance for me.
2013-02-20 04:33:55 PM  
2 votes:

TrixieDelite: SuperChuck: TrixieDelite: I am a corporate receptionist.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

In his defense, not that he needs it, but it's probably not so pleasant to talk about such things. Plus, when I come home, work is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

That's funny. My husband's name is Chuck.
Sweet Jesus, you're not him are you?
Hey, remember that time that we went to that place that had the thing we liked? If you can tell me what it was and what I was wearing, I'll know if you're my husband.


Are you talking about a restaurant or that time in the park where we almost got arrested?
2013-02-20 04:30:35 PM  
2 votes:

Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said


This post is perfect. But not why you think it is.
2013-02-20 04:28:27 PM  
2 votes:
Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said
2013-02-20 04:27:51 PM  
2 votes:

Endive Wombat: Yeah, she's letting Martin put it in her pooper, and she's enjoying it too!


Me: Hey honey, are you doing Martin?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Are you having sex with him?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: One of the various forms of sexual copulation, including but not limited to penile vaginal penetration, oral genital copulation, penile anal penetration, digital vaginal penetration, a Dutch blindfold, a two-finger Susie, a reverse Andre the Giant, an angry aardvark, or a wet Albert?
Her: ...
Her: ...
Her: No?
2013-02-20 04:26:04 PM  
2 votes:

SuperChuck: TrixieDelite: I am a corporate receptionist.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."

In his defense, not that he needs it, but it's probably not so pleasant to talk about such things. Plus, when I come home, work is over. I don't want to talk about it anymore.


That's funny. My husband's name is Chuck.
Sweet Jesus, you're not him are you?
Hey, remember that time that we went to that place that had the thing we liked? If you can tell me what it was and what I was wearing, I'll know if you're my husband.
2013-02-20 04:15:46 PM  
2 votes:

SmackLT: Just different communication styles. Although I tend to be more wary when she uses a much smaller number of words because it sounds evasive by comparison.

Her: So I ran into Martin the other day.
Me: Oh really?
Her: Yeah.
Me: Where?
Her: Bookstore.
Me: Okay. So did you guys talk?
Her: A little.
Me: Then he left?
Her: No, we got coffee.
Me: Oh.
Me: ...
Me: ...
Me: So what did you guys talk about?
Her: Nothing. Yada yada yada
Me: ...


Is what she meant
2013-02-20 04:13:05 PM  
2 votes:
I am a corporate receptionist.

I'll come home from work and he'll ask, "How was your day?" and I can turn that one question into a 20-minute monologue with quotes, voice-overs and props. By the time I'm done he knows the name and physical make-up of everyone I encountered between 8am and 5pm, whether or not I like them, and how I think they impacted the emotional success of my day.

My husband is a firefighter.

He'll come home from work and I'll ask, "How was your day?" He'll answer: "House caught on fire. Guy died."
2013-02-20 04:12:42 PM  
2 votes:
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, brings terror to my soul like the words "So I was thinking..."

Those four little words are always followed by 30 minutes of disjointed, useless talking until it's revealed that we should, yet again, spend tens of thousands of dollars on some "project" that she's just thought up.
2013-02-20 04:11:02 PM  
2 votes:
You know, I was headed down to Kohl's with Jen, you remember Jen, she's the one whose husband was in that terrible accident? Not the one with the gap in her teeth, the one with the bright orange hair. Well, Jen is selling her brand new refrigerator and I was thinking we need a new refrigerator and she probably wouldn't ask that much for it considering how desperate they are for cash. Well anyway I think she's going to sell it to Kelly anyway, I was just wondering what you thought about it?

Oh-Oh! Wait, do you know where my thing is, for that stuff I make at Thanksgiving? The one with the handle? No, not that, the other....thing...It has a green handle. For the stuff I made the year before last- this is for that pumpkin stuff I made last thanksgiving. I'm not talking about that. ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME LOOK FOR IT OR ARE YOU GOING TO WALK OUT OF THE ROOM AGAIN LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO?
2013-02-20 04:08:42 PM  
2 votes:

WhippingBoy: ChrisDe: At times I'm tempted to put a security camera in the kitchen so I could play back what she actually said, and not what she thought she said. But somehow that would backfire on me.

I've fantasized about doing this as well. But yeah, it would almost certainly backfire.


It's like thermodynamics. You cannot win.
2013-02-20 03:58:41 PM  
2 votes:

Dirtybird971: My GF likes to have conversations in her head which (apparently) she thinks I can hear (and sometimes DAYS before) and then when I don't know what the topic is I'm the one not listening.

Or
she'll start talking about something totally unrelated to the previous, though still ongoing to me, conversation. So now when I hear about that whore talking smack about other wimen in the office I'm thinking her daughter is a whore and cursing everyone out.


Are you dating my wife?
2013-02-20 03:58:30 PM  
2 votes:
If you are a man, imagine all the time, thought and energy you put into dreaming about sex and scheming to get sex. Assume women have about the same energy levels and that they have practically no sex drive. All that energy has to go somewhere right?
2013-02-20 03:56:56 PM  
2 votes:
My GF likes to have conversations in her head which (apparently) she thinks I can hear (and sometimes DAYS before) and then when I don't know what the topic is I'm the one not listening.

Or
she'll start talking about something totally unrelated to the previous, though still ongoing to me, conversation. So now when I hear about that whore talking smack about other wimen in the office I'm thinking her daughter is a whore and cursing everyone out.
2013-02-20 03:52:44 PM  
2 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
It's been six months
She hasn't shut up once
I've tried to explain
She's driving me insane

She won't even miss me when she's gone
And that's okay with me I'll cry later on

Talk to ya later-don't want to hear it again tonight
Talk to ya later-just save it for another guy
Talk to ya later-don't want to hear it again tonight
I'll just see you around
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
2013-02-20 03:47:36 PM  
2 votes:
WTF is wrong with your wives?
2013-02-20 03:42:25 PM  
2 votes:

Ed Grubermann: My problems is with all the unrelated tangents, background data I don't need or want, and repetition of things I already know.


Men are just as bad at this. They're telling me a story and then:

"You know Dave, right. From Spindy's?"
"Uh, I don't think so..."
"Tall guy?"
"No."
"Wears a hat?"
"Doesn't matter...."
"He was friends with Lindsey?"
"Dude...."
2013-02-21 07:12:51 PM  
1 votes:

LanceDearnis: Think I figured this one out.

[imgs.xkcd.com image 410x211]


NO DONT POST THAT.  THEN THEY'LL KNOW!!!!
2013-02-21 04:20:57 PM  
1 votes:
Shryke: Men should be able to do one thing, just one simply farking thing, without having their female going apeshiat:

Twirl their finger in the universal "hurry the fark up" hand movement.  That would solve all of this.


gifninja.com
2013-02-21 03:47:20 PM  
1 votes:
I come home and put my headphones on the desk. Hours later, I go to get my headphones, but they are not where I put them. My wife has picked them up and put them somewhere else.

Me: Where are my headphones? I put them on the desk and now they're not there!
Wife: They're not there because that's not where they GO! They GO in the entryway!
Me: Shouldn't they GO where I put them?
---> Argument.

I go to get the kid's snack from the pantry. That type of snack has been stored on the second shelf for 6 months. It's suddenly not there.

Me: Are we out of Wil's crackers?
Wife: No there are plenty of them!
Me: well they are not here.
Wife: I put them in a different cupboard the other day.
Me: But I thought they go in THIS cupboard.
Wife: No. Now they go here.
Me: *anything*
-->Argument.
2013-02-21 08:56:43 AM  
1 votes:

big pig peaches: bunner: "You should do ~n before it gets cold"

"I will."

"No, you wont.  You say you will but you never finish anything."

"Didn't I do A,. B, B and all that other crap you asked about last  month?"

"Only because I nagged you."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, cause and effect.  Have you tried NOT nagging me and seeing what happens?"

"You're not the only person who makes decisions in this family!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Why are you so pigheaded?"

"Why do you have to try and convince me that without your foot up my ass, I couldn't tie my own shoes?"

"Whut UVER, you are so immature."

"Yes, that must be it."

"So are you going to do ~n?"

"*sigh*"

Please stop dating my wife.


Guys, since we're clearly all married to the same chick, you might consider what I've done, which is to passive-aggressively "remind" her to do her mundane chores right at the second she was about to do it anyway. When she inevitably loses her shiat, I remind her that this is how nagging feels, and she does this every day. I tell her to imagine how a person could deal with this kind of abuse day after day while only reacting in kind with silly reminders to illustrate why the behavior is objectionable instead of thumping his chest like a gorilla and screaming obscenities.
I then tell her that she had the good taste to marry such a patient individual, and that it'd still be best not to assume he doesn't know how to thump things and scream obscenities, because everyone can flip the fark out sometimes.

It's easy to deal with people if you just assume these three things:

1. Anyone can kill anyone, and they frequently do. If you abuse any person, you have no idea how they will react to it, because you don't know if you're the first person to pull that bullshiat on them or the 40th. Be kind.

2. People tend to be nice to you if you're nice to them first. They tend to be helpful towards those people they suspect would help them too. They tend to be unhelpful and spiteful towards takers, sociopaths, and selfish creeps.

3. People lack introspection to such a degree that most of the time someone is horribly unjust to you, they aren't conscious of it. They are usually simply reacting emotionally, like an animal. You'll have to be patient if you're the thinking type and you want to hang with less thinky types.
2013-02-21 08:38:45 AM  
1 votes:
Think I figured this one out.

imgs.xkcd.com
2013-02-21 03:16:49 AM  
1 votes:

phrenicmonkey: My ex would say a hundred times a day: "I love youuuu."
Initially I'd say "I love you too."; and I meant it.
After a while there was a pause after she said "I love youuuu.", followed by "don't you love meeee?".
And initially, I said "oh.. yeah, of course I love you".
I think you can see where this is going.
Eventually, finally, my answer was "no".
I had to call the cops.


That was a pointless post.  Apologies.  Drinking.
2013-02-21 02:22:52 AM  
1 votes:

noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!


Just once, try this and see what happens:

"We're eating at Bucket O' Clams tonight.  Go get ready."

Don't forget to report your findings.
2013-02-21 01:56:55 AM  
1 votes:

Talos: I'm surprised no one has brought up the cell phone factor.

When there's a cell phone involved the amount of superfluous b.s. women feel the need to talk about goes up by a factor of about 39 brazillion.


I have quite seriously considered attempting to punch wimmenfolks on the public transit for this kinda shiat. Oh my f**king gods how they yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak.

And I AM a wimmenfolk.
2013-02-21 01:09:49 AM  
1 votes:
My ex accidentally conditioned me to ignore non-interrogatory female speech. Seriously, if I'm doing literally anything other than focusing on the conversation my brain treats sentences not containing that questioning upward inflection as superfluous. It's not something that I do on purpose, it's just an automatic reaction to the 8 years of mindless noise I was subjected to. I didn't even notice it was happening until I bought a new phone; You see the GPS app it came with uses a variety of female voices to direct you along your route. For weeks I swore up and down that the damned thing was skipping directions until I finally realized I was filtering it out subconsciously.

/New girlfriend talks just as much, but doesn't seek confirmation
//Her European accent is pleasant too
///3rd thing
2013-02-20 11:33:10 PM  
1 votes:

Caffandtranqs: WhippingBoy: Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said

Uh-oh... someone's feeling a wee bit defensive, aren't they?

It's hilarious because it's true.  You guys are going on about women.....like a bunch of women.


They're doing it here because it's the only place they can get a word in edgewise.
2013-02-20 11:08:02 PM  
1 votes:

vegaswench: I am going to teach a class. "How To Respond When Someone At Work Asks You How You Are 101."

Only accetable answer: "Fine, how are you?"

All other responses get an F.



So in your office, the conversation would go like this:

Jim: How are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
Bob: Fine, how are you?
Jim: Fine, how are you?
2013-02-20 10:41:14 PM  
1 votes:
Sigh... Everybody says I communicate like a woman. I know it's true.

Maybe I could make a career as an interpreter for men.
2013-02-20 09:53:04 PM  
1 votes:
The soon to be Mrs Crazy has actually flat out told me that when she complains about a problem that isn't "the toilet is overflowing" or "there's a cockroach" or "the stove is on fire", etc, she doesn't want a solution. Apparently reliving problems while she talks about them is fun or something.
2013-02-20 09:26:43 PM  
1 votes:
dilbert.com

dilbert.com

dilbert.com
2013-02-20 09:11:51 PM  
1 votes:
dilbert.com

dilbert.com
2013-02-20 08:51:11 PM  
1 votes:

my alt's alt's alt: I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and shoes
//men think I'm "cold"
///fark the lot of them


Bisexuality does have its advantages.
2013-02-20 08:19:33 PM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: ciberido: browntimmy: lordluzr: Two hundred comments in two hours.... Fark is a woman.

Notice how internet comments are usually relatively succinct and get the point across without superfluous information? Internet savvy people know that long text blocks will largely get ignored. This same rule applies to most men and real life conversations.

Yes, indeed, Fark comments are the very model of intelligence and succinctness.

Since I guess public school failed you, by succinct means "brief" or "expressed in few words", as in it doesn't take you 10 minutes to read each post. Where did you get intelligent from? Putting words in my mouth for the sake of arguing? Gee, that almost fits a certain stereotype being discussed in this thread.


You're really touchy today.  Is it that time of the month again, honey?
2013-02-20 07:49:07 PM  
1 votes:
blog.harisaltaf.com
2013-02-20 07:40:06 PM  
1 votes:
fredklein

If she wants "comfort and reassurance", maybe she should ask for ... wait for it... comfort and reassurance??

She: Honey, I really need some comfort and reassurance!
He: About what?

and there you go.
2013-02-20 07:28:57 PM  
1 votes:
IRQ12
Haven't laughed at a thread like this in a long time.

People were staring at me on the train home because my shoulders were shaking I was laughing so, as quietly as I could, anyway...

Also, the headline made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.

(and I'm a woman)

Well done, subby.
2013-02-20 07:17:26 PM  
1 votes:

Pilikia: I typically walk around with an image of myself as a bad-ass apex predator, but whenever my wife begins a sentence with the word, "So..." (ellipses intentional) I freeze like a baby bunny in the underbrush. Sometimes, if I stay still and silent long enough, I blend back into her perceptual background and escape the hour-long, one-sided conversation about nothing she was about to initiate.


OK, now this shiat is funny. It's like you're Dr. Grant and she's the T-Rex.
2013-02-20 07:17:20 PM  
1 votes:
2013-02-20 07:15:19 PM  
1 votes:

ciberido: fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.

If the problem is, for example, "I'm unhappy (because my boss is a biatch)" then yes, crying on a shoulder solves that part of problem which can be most immediately solved ("I'm unhappy").


Telling someone you're unhappy makes you... not unhappy? Does telling someone you ARE happy make you sad??

Or to try to put it in terms that you might relate to better, if I tell you my car is low on oil, yes, maybe it would be worthwhile to discuss what might have caused this, and yes, we could discuss the idea of you taking a look at the engine or taking the car to a garage for repairs, but what I need RIGHT NOW is somebody to put oil in the damn car.

But she doesn't WANT him to solve the problem and put oil in the car, she wants him to listen to her biatching about how the car needs oil. because that will make the car.. fell it doesn't need oil??
2013-02-20 07:06:55 PM  
1 votes:
their "point" is that they want sex

now if u can't figure that out by the way your talking, your a jackass
2013-02-20 06:45:22 PM  
1 votes:

fredklein: Ed Grubermann: fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.

She doesn't want the problem solved.

Then why is she talking about it?


Exactly.
2013-02-20 06:43:12 PM  
1 votes:

fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.


There ya go, thinking like a MAN again.
2013-02-20 06:41:15 PM  
1 votes:

ciberido: What I cannot do for myself is cry on my own shoulder.


That sounds defeatist; I bet you could if you tried.
2013-02-20 06:32:01 PM  
1 votes:

browntimmy: lordluzr: Two hundred comments in two hours.... Fark is a woman.

Notice how internet comments are usually relatively succinct and get the point across without superfluous information? Internet savvy people know that long text blocks will largely get ignored. This same rule applies to most men and real life conversations.


Yes, indeed, Fark comments are the very model of intelligence and succinctness.
2013-02-20 06:27:51 PM  
1 votes:

ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.


It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.
2013-02-20 06:27:11 PM  
1 votes:

ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.


Yeah, but we say more.
2013-02-20 06:26:10 PM  
1 votes:
I don't want to denigrate this important discussion, but am I the only one who thought, damn, that's a mighty come-over-here-big-boy mouth when the article opened.
2013-02-20 06:23:55 PM  
1 votes:
2013-02-20 06:22:17 PM  
1 votes:

Pilikia: I typically walk around with an image of myself as a bad-ass apex predator, but whenever my wife begins a sentence with the word, "So..." (ellipses intentional) I freeze like a baby bunny in the underbrush. Sometimes, if I stay still and silent long enough, I blend back into her perceptual background and escape the hour-long, one-sided conversation about nothing she was about to initiate.


So back in the heyday of World of Warcraft, my then-gf got cornered at work by some obnoxious loudmouth coworker lady, who is one of those people who spends all day moving from cubicle to cubicle, complaining.  About anything and everything.  Just complaining.

The lady had just oozed up to my gf's desk when another (much younger) coworker walked past the office and yelled "Feign death!".  My gf (and nearby coworkers, equally tired of the biatchfest) laughed so loudly that the complainhose briefly paused in confusion, allowing them all to make up excuses for leaving.

The CSB ends with the gf and I breaking up a few months later, which is totally irrelevant to the rest of the story... and now I sound like she did.  Aigh.
2013-02-20 06:21:11 PM  
1 votes:

badgerb: Acharne: I love this thread. I am sorely tempted to show it to my girlfriend but I don't think she'll understand why. For me, it'd be about empathy, for her, it'd be able re-inforcing stereotypes and disrespecting her.

Dude go alpha.
OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.

You lucky barstad!!!
Wish I had thought of that.


Going to In-N-Out or getting divorced?
2013-02-20 06:01:00 PM  
1 votes:

gmpathfinder: KiltedBastich: PsiChick: ...Anthropology actually discusses the difference between a social trait and a biological trait as part of its field. Like, again, this is what they teach in 101. As do most other social sciences. Part of the waist-hip thing is that any biological inclination would be very slight, like TFA--so slight as to be, for all intents and purposes, nonexistant. Humans do not have many true instincts, and there are some behaviors that pattern across all cultures. Schizophrenia, for example, manifests the same way in every culture. That's a biological trait.

This study, in my eyes, may well have found a slight indicator of a mild tendency to language. But that's about it. In another culture, it would be unnoticeable, which means there's very little value in the real world in looking at it as an indicator, although certainly it's of value to further research. But at some point, .00000000000000001 is just 0.

Yeah, they discuss it, and they often get it wrong, because they are generally lay people with respect to the expression of biological traits in behaviour who have distinct biases against the very concept. I've got degrees in sociology and psychology. I've taken those 101 classes you speak of and they get a lot wrong when they talk about the natural science when you compare it with what the natural sciences are actually saying (and vice versa, of course; both sides of this issue exasperate me).

To continue the example, the waist-hip thing is found everywhere, in wildly varying cultures all over the world. It's common as dirt and it works cross culturally, in that people from one culture who share the trait will be able to accurately judge the relative attractiveness of women from very different cultures who share that particular trait. There are some culttures that display very different tendencies, but all of those are very specific to the particular cultures, and do not generalize well. The culture can overwrite the basic tendency. But the tende ...


Nope. Nobody has any need to respond to you. In the culture of the majority of users on this site, men speak far less than women. There is no more need to cite evidence than to convince you that the sky is the same color where I live as where you live. It's not up for debate; your questions are neither helpful nor permitted.

Women talk more than men. Now, on with the thread.
2013-02-20 05:53:56 PM  
1 votes:

noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!


SO MUCH THIS
2013-02-20 05:46:28 PM  
1 votes:

ciberido: sethen320: My wife is horrible at communicating.  Incomplete thoughts, wrong words used, etc...

We just had a conversation about it the other day.  She has a bad habit of doing stuff like not actually pointing at things when asking for help retrieving something or whatnot.  She will "point" by looking at the object and then say "can you hand me that".  This typically leads to me or some other poor soul desperately trying to guess what "that" may be while being polite about it.  Meanwhile she gets more and more frustrated.

Nepalis often point with their lips.  It seems weird at first, but it homes in handy sometimes, mainly when both hands are already occupied.

Apparently some other cultures also point with their lips, as well.


sethen320, congratulations on marrying a Nepali. That's what makes America the great melting pot.

Plus, your children will be awesome mountain climbers.
2013-02-20 05:34:59 PM  
1 votes:
There's three pieces of advice that I give to young guys in order to prepare them for marriage:
1. Learn to drink (not binge-drink, but sanity-drink)
2. Convert you next paycheque to $100 bills. Light a bonfire. Slowly throw each bill into the fire and watch it burn
3. On a nightly basis, watch to most boring TV channel your provider offers (local council meeting, etc). Attempt to maintain your interest and keep eye contact with the TV. Start with 10 minutes, and work your way up to an hour
2013-02-20 05:26:35 PM  
1 votes:

Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said


Hush, woman! We are trying to fix things.
2013-02-20 05:24:15 PM  
1 votes:

NotARocketScientist: So men biatching is commiserating and women biatching is just obnoxious. Got it.
She is trying to do the work required to maintain a relationship and you guys are having none of it.


www.trilobite.org
2013-02-20 05:22:41 PM  
1 votes:

bunner: Smelly Pirate Hooker: I'd be sympathetic, but so many of you are also assholes, so I figure you deserve it.

Smelly Pirate Hooker: LOL. You used the word "love," as if you actually meant it.

Yeah, that's my limit for smirky misandry for the day.  *click*


Oh no. But extra points for using the word "misandry." I think you get a free month of Total Fark for that.
2013-02-20 05:19:42 PM  
1 votes:

lordluzr: Two hundred comments in two hours.... Fark is a woman.


OMG. Thread over!
2013-02-20 05:19:38 PM  
1 votes:

DeltaPunch: YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?

lol, seriously. My wife just asks me to tell her something interesting in order to start a conversation about some current event, or perhaps something that happened during my day. Apparently these Farkers are getting their wives from the bimbo store...


Is this a national chain? I...I'm asking for a friend.
2013-02-20 05:16:57 PM  
1 votes:

AncientLurker: Ugh, I hear ya buddy. Mine used to do this immediately when I walked in the door from work. Just venting at me after a long day at the office. Tried to put a rule in for 30 minutes of quiet time after work but didn't last.
I found that the best thing to endure her ongoing biatching about everything was scotch.



Sounds like the standing 6pm session I have every night at my house. Scotch helps, but I can do the whole thing on autopilot now. The trick is to sprinkle in a few vague phrases when she stops long enough to take a breath. Some of my favorites include:


"She's the one who just had the baby, right?"

"The other women at work are threatened by your ideas."

"That sucks sweetheart, I'm sorry to hear that."

"I understand why that would be frustrating."

"You were right to react that way."


If you do it right, you don't have to have heard a god damn thing.
2013-02-20 05:14:55 PM  
1 votes:
TFA is probably full of crap, but I love the term "shut-up sausage" from some wiseass in the comments.
2013-02-20 05:11:59 PM  
1 votes:

ciberido: my alt's alt's alt: I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

As an experiment in high school, I spent a week not talking unless it was to answer a question or to ask a question about something I really needed to know.

People asked me if I was sick, had I lost my voice, why I had taken a vow of silence, et cetera.  I said about five things a day, and three of them were answers to questions a teacher had asked.


You should try that same experiment now (on Fark) to see if anything has changed since high school.
2013-02-20 05:10:50 PM  
1 votes:

EightyEight: She's Talking Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E


Songwriters so seldomly get to use Anal Hematoma in a love song.
2013-02-20 05:09:03 PM  
1 votes:

YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?


They should have known their wives had problems as soon as the wives said, "Yes" to their proposals.
2013-02-20 04:58:58 PM  
1 votes:

oldfarthenry: In the early years of our marriage I used to be able to stop Mrs, Henry's babble-yakking with a loud burst of flatulence.
Now all it does is switch the subject noise to "poor air quality", "stubborn laundry stains" and "demands to see a doctor".


All that happens in my house when I try that is we get into a farting contest.
2013-02-20 04:50:35 PM  
1 votes:
Raise your hand if you are a guy and you have had a conversation with one of your buddies that was entierly made up of single word responses.

(raises hand)

A girl friend of mine, who can be very pedantic when it comes to English, overheard me talking on the phone with one of my buddies. The whole conversation took maybe...  20 seconds?

Her:  "What was that?"
Me:   "I was talking to Bob."
Her:  "No you weren't!  You said six, maybe seven single words.  They weren't even sentences!"
Me:   "Yes I was. We're going out for pizza at 6.  Want to come with us?"
Her:  (annoyed)
2013-02-20 04:49:01 PM  
1 votes:

23FPB23: TrixieDelite: His diary/her diary

Ms. FPB and I Yahoo while I'm at work.  LINK SENT LOLOOLOLOLOLOL


And, her reply:

 lol lol lol you shut up
2013-02-20 04:42:33 PM  
1 votes:

farkingnotworking: YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?

I'm wondering that too.  And why do you stay with them if they annoy you so?


Speaking for myself, for a long time my wife was annoying as hell to talk to. But eventually I came to realize that she and I just communicate differently (and we're pretty average, from what I can tell). If you want to be happy, you have to accept that she communicates like that. Also very important: deep down, she wants and literally *needs* to vent stuff to you. Let her vent, be supportive, and don't take the venting as some kind of personal attack (because it's not). It's all cool.

If you claim to be with a woman who doesn't vent and communicates like a man, odds are they are transsexual. NTTAWWT.
db2
2013-02-20 04:41:12 PM  
1 votes:
It's like women know when you have to piss real bad, and assault you with a stream of conversation just when you get up to go to the bathroom.
2013-02-20 04:38:48 PM  
1 votes:

farkingnotworking: WhippingBoy: farkingnotworking: YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?

I'm wondering that too.  And why do you stay with them if they annoy you so?

Probably because we're not spoiled little children who turn our backs on people we love just because they have some annoying habits.

Right.  We're all paragons of maturity here on Fark.  So let's just complain about our loved ones in the privacy of the web.


It's called commiserating. You know, kind of like you do with your five cats (if not now, then in the future).
2013-02-20 04:33:27 PM  
1 votes:

Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said


Uh-oh... someone's feeling a wee bit defensive, aren't they?
2013-02-20 04:29:09 PM  
1 votes:

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: JNowe: Scientists have discovered that women possess higher levels of a "language protein" in their brains, which could explain why females are so talkative.

Which would be fine, if they had higher levels of content.

There's plenty of content.  What we have here is a comprehension gap.


No. Not really.
2013-02-20 04:26:16 PM  
1 votes:

SuperChuck: The other thing that drives me nuts is yes or no questions. I can ask one and I'm guaranteed to get a response of at least 20 words, half of which are not relevant to the question. All I want is "Yes" or "no". Why is that so hard?


If you actually get an answer to your question at all, consider yourself lucky.
2013-02-20 04:23:23 PM  
1 votes:
If it is important I have my wife write me a note so I won't forget.  This means that twenty minute conversation about family activities boils down to "pick boy up at day care on Tuesday."

When I was in school I had a physics prof who would derive solutions to the Schrodinger equation from memory.  At first we tried like mad to keep up but we soon realized that when he was done he would put the important information on a side board.  Same thing works with spouses.
2013-02-20 04:23:16 PM  
1 votes:

Endive Wombat: Oh my favorite is this:

Her:  "I cannot find X"
Me:  "It is on the kitchen counter, next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup"  (cannot get more specific than that)
Her:  "I do not see it, I've got to go, I am running late, why do you never help me?"

I walk over to the counter, lift the napkin and show her "X"

Me:  "X is right here, underneath this dirty napkin that YOU did not throw away.  Why did you not look underneath it?"
Her:  "You never said it was UNDERNEATH something"
Me:  "This is the only item(s) on the counter that is next to the stand mixer, to the left of the yellow cup...you know, exactly where I said it was"
Her: ...

Rinse and repeat daily.


My favorite is:

Her: "I can't find X"
Me: "Did you look for it?"
Her: "Fark you! Why are you such a jerk???"
2013-02-20 04:22:47 PM  
1 votes:

mama2tnt: doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.

I call b.s. on your entire answer because of that one phrase.


Well, maybe someday you will date an adult male. Not little boys who can't do simple household chores.
2013-02-20 04:20:29 PM  
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
2013-02-20 04:20:16 PM  
1 votes:
She's Talking Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E">http://www.youtube.com/w atch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E
2013-02-20 04:19:59 PM  
1 votes:

mama2tnt: doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.

I call b.s. on your entire answer because of that one phrase.



Damnit. You got me.
2013-02-20 04:19:20 PM  
1 votes:
If we need to make a simple functional phone call and time is short, "Mrs. Eaton" has me make the call, even though she likes talking on the phone and I don't.  Make that, because she likes talking on the phone and I don't.  She can take 20 minutes to ask if we should bring a salad to the potluck, and I'll do the same conversation in less than a minute.  Each of us is in awe of the other on this.
2013-02-20 04:18:16 PM  
1 votes:
Attention women, here is a list of topics of conversation men find uninteresting under all circumstances. If you want to talk about them call your girlfriends or your mother.

1. your friends (unless they are hot and/or slutty)
2. your relatives (unless they are going to die soon and leave us money)
3. your job (unless someone is harassing you and needs a nut punch)
4. anyone else's children or pets
5. your problems (unless you want us to solve them, are willing to listen to and accept our solution, and are willing to do the work to implement the solution)

The following times are inappropriate for conversation, in fact in these situations the only acceptable interaction is to quietly leave an open beer somewhere we can see you do it but without interrupting what we are doing.

1. when we are looking at a screen (tv, video game, phone, tablet, etc)
2. when we are reading
3. when we are fixing things
4. when our eyes are closed
5. when we are talking on the phone

Follow this advice for a happy relationship.
2013-02-20 04:09:42 PM  
1 votes:

Theaetetus: [www.phdcomics.com image 600x667]

Or, specifically in this article:
1. The average woman talks more than the average man. never farking shuts the fark up
2. Male rat pups cry more than female rat pups, and they have twice as much of the protein FOXP2.
3. In a study of 10 human children, the females had more of the FOXP2 protein than the males.

... which is translated as "we discovered the protein that causes adult women to talk more!" Never farking shut the fark up.


Fixed.
2013-02-20 04:09:03 PM  
1 votes:

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: JNowe: Scientists have discovered that women possess higher levels of a "language protein" in their brains, which could explain why females are so talkative.

Which would be fine, if they had higher levels of content.

There's plenty of content.  What we have here is a comprehension gap.


The signal-to-noise ratio sucks.
2013-02-20 04:08:30 PM  
1 votes:

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget. [followed by amusing example]


This can happen both ways, especially if you've been together a long time.  "Mrs. Eaton" and I both have episdoes where we think about telling the other something but forget to actually speak the words, then proceed under the mistaken belief that we talked about it.  On good days we do a reality check to see if there's been a foolish reliance on ESP powers, and on bad days we argue about it.
2013-02-20 04:04:49 PM  
1 votes:
My wife's pretty good, with the exception of repetition. Honey, after 2 times I am done. I love you anyway.
2013-02-20 04:04:40 PM  
1 votes:

TheOther: Theaetetus: female apes played an important role not only in the development of tools for crushing nuts

Speech being their tool of choice.


Or withholding sex from the male apes until they got their nuts.
2013-02-20 04:01:39 PM  
1 votes:
Do none of you have a wife filter? I don't even hear 80% of what my wife says at times.
2013-02-20 04:01:08 PM  
1 votes:

YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?


lol, seriously. My wife just asks me to tell her something interesting in order to start a conversation about some current event, or perhaps something that happened during my day. Apparently these Farkers are getting their wives from the bimbo store...
2013-02-20 03:55:46 PM  
1 votes:
I think it has more to do with personality type. In the eyes of Myers-Briggs, the typical "most womanly" personality type of ESFP is overtly talkative and superfluous in their speech patterns. Whereas myself, the INTJ woman, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and shoes
//men think I'm "cold"
///fark the lot of them
2013-02-20 03:52:00 PM  
1 votes:
But is there a cure? -FTFA messages
2013-02-20 03:48:55 PM  
1 votes:

Elegy: So you're saying that if I give her more of my man-protein, she'll yack less?


Yes.

Most females find it difficult to talk during the oral man-protein administration process.
2013-02-20 03:45:03 PM  
1 votes:

Ed Grubermann: My problems is with all the unrelated tangents, background data I don't need or want, and repetition of things I already know.


An I the only guy in existence who has learned to 'shell' conversations? I just keep what I need, smile and nod at most of the rest, because it doesn't matter to me?

Course that's only vs females related to me (mother, aunts, etc). Could explain why I'm single. And can't get a date. Or maybe it's the 'hanging out with tons of old female relatives' thing.
2013-02-20 03:16:57 PM  
1 votes:

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget.

For example, this past Sunday evening:

Wife: Jen wants to bra shopping. Maybe at Nordys.
Me: Nordys?
Wife: Nordstroms.
Me: That's the same amount of syllables.
Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not

Monday afternoon
Wife: I'll head straight home after work.
Me: OK, as opposed to?
Wife: Going bra shopping
Me: didnt realize you had made a plan to that
Wife: i mentioned that yesterday. about going with Jen
Me: I know, you mentioned it, didn't know you had planned to do so today
Wife: well, no matter. it's not happening.
Me: OK


Women know what they're doing.  This is done to keep men off balance and uncertain, giving them the upper hand.
2013-02-20 03:07:51 PM  
1 votes:
My wife thinks this is a reasonable way to impart information:

"So at work today (co-worker's name) comes up to me and starts telling me about the girl that sits next to her. Turns out she went to lunch with her friend and her friend and then they were talking about her and how she doesn't do any work, but after all of that she was talking to her boss and they all agreed that she needs to tell her that she isn't going to help her get her work done when she isn't doing anything to help her department when she has lots of time on her plate and could be asking her boss if she can do any project to help her department."

I want to find whoever first played this for my wife http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koZFca8AkT0 take that person to the seediest equipment rental store and shove said person into the most disused, poorly-maintained tree chipper available.
2013-02-20 03:05:00 PM  
1 votes:

Theaetetus: Cool story, bro. It's a shame that it's not necessarily supported by  archaeology.


What makes you think I was serious?   Too deadpan?
2013-02-20 02:25:29 PM  
1 votes:
I'll communicate some extra protein to them - if you know what I mean...
2013-02-20 02:02:15 PM  
1 votes:

Theaetetus: Klippoklondike: Article says women are better at small talk?

No.


FTFA: "That said, the research also gives a reason for why women tend to be better at small talk."
 
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