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(Science World Report)   Scientists discover that men are from Mars, women are from planet Oh God Why Are You Still Talking, Sweet Jesus Do You Ever Get to the Point   (scienceworldreport.com) divider line 553
    More: Interesting, get to the point, The Journal of Neuroscience, scientists  
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13472 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2013 at 3:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-20 11:23:18 PM

Fribble: Does this cover "I'm not interested in what you are saying even though you appear passionate about it so I'm going to interrupt you with the most meaningless boring story in history that is only peripherally related but all about me" situation...

Because I farking hate to be


You were saying?
 
2013-02-20 11:23:26 PM
FTFA: In addition, women devote more brainpower to speaking.

 3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-20 11:25:17 PM

doczoidberg: Women run their mouths entirely too much, and the noise that comes out almost always is in the form of some pointless complaint.

Take my girlfriend, for instance. Always whining about something or another, or trying to tell me what to do. The other night, she insisted on having a big two hour fight over my leaving a towel on the counter while I was doing the dishes. What a waste of time, and what a horrible way to live -- some idiot complaining at you all day.

I tell you, this will be the last time I''' be foolish enough to throw my freedom away for some woman.


Keep her. She sounds like a diamond in the rough.
 
2013-02-20 11:33:10 PM

Caffandtranqs: WhippingBoy: Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said

Uh-oh... someone's feeling a wee bit defensive, aren't they?

It's hilarious because it's true.  You guys are going on about women.....like a bunch of women.


They're doing it here because it's the only place they can get a word in edgewise.
 
2013-02-20 11:37:28 PM

ZeroCorpse: Sigh... Everybody says I communicate like a woman. I know it's true.

Maybe I could make a career as an interpreter for men.


This proves my point.

Your gonads don't determine speech pattern. Society does.
 
2013-02-20 11:45:19 PM

lantawa: CtrlAltDestroy: lantawa: CtrlAltDestroy: /In the end, though, she ripped out my heart in a really callous way.

She ran away with Paul Bunion?

Ha. It was actually a 10-years-older, uneducated, unemployed, married guy.

/Last that I knew, when I left that forsaken state and returned "home", they were still running around behind his wife's back when the wife was at work.
//They made sure to get him home before his wife returned from work so she wouldn't know that he was gone all day with someone else.

I hope that good things happen for and to you in the future. Regarding personal prospects, well, there are approx 7 billion people on the planet. Plenty of possibilities that good people await you in your future, chatty or otherwise.


Or insurmountable odds of finding someone compatible with my particular flavor of broken (I'm not CAD, but figured I'd inject my current dystopian view of dating after 3 months on Eharmony and not more than a 2nd date out of anything).
 
2013-02-20 11:46:54 PM
That's nice; do they have any idea as to why engineers can't deliver a joke, anecdote or explanation that isn't 10-15 minutes long?
 
2013-02-20 11:51:52 PM
So what I'm seeing a lot of in this thread, more like a man.
 
2013-02-21 12:05:43 AM

CheekyMonkey: hitlersbrain: If you are a man, imagine all the time, thought and energy you put into dreaming about sex and scheming to get sex. Assume women have about the same energy levels and that they have practically no sex drive. All that energy has to go somewhere right?

None of the women I've been in relationships with have had "practically no sex drive".  Unfortunately, they still won't shut up.  Sorry to blow your theory.


theresnothinglft: All conversation was invented as a means to assert dominance.  Since women can't physically assert dominance (usually) they use conversation.  It's super effective.


Conversation
Sexual attractiveness
Lack of personal need for logic
Nagging
Long nails
 
2013-02-21 12:08:08 AM

gmpathfinder: andyfromfl: gmpathfinder: KiltedBastich: PsiChick: ...Anthropology actually discusses the difference between a social trait and a biological trait as part of its field. Like, again, this is what they teach in 101. As do most other social sciences. Part of the waist-hip thing is that any biological inclination would be very slight, like TFA--so slight as to be, for all intents and purposes, nonexistant. Humans do not have many true instincts, and there are some behaviors that pattern across all cultures. Schizophrenia, for example, manifests the same way in every culture. That's a biological trait.

This study, in my eyes, may well have found a slight indicator of a mild tendency to language. But that's about it. In another culture, it would be unnoticeable, which means there's very little value in the real world in looking at it as an indicator, although certainly it's of value to further research. But at some point, .00000000000000001 is just 0.

Yeah, they discuss it, and they often get it wrong, because they are generally lay people with respect to the expression of biological traits in behaviour who have distinct biases against the very concept. I've got degrees in sociology and psychology. I've taken those 101 classes you speak of and they get a lot wrong when they talk about the natural science when you compare it with what the natural sciences are actually saying (and vice versa, of course; both sides of this issue exasperate me).

To continue the example, the waist-hip thing is found everywhere, in wildly varying cultures all over the world. It's common as dirt and it works cross culturally, in that people from one culture who share the trait will be able to accurately judge the relative attractiveness of women from very different cultures who share that particular trait. There are some culttures that display very different tendencies, but all of those are very specific to the particular cultures, and do not generalize well. The culture can overwrite the bas ...


Once again, we're not discussing whether or not this is true. Women talk more than men.

You won't be bringing it up again- is that clear?
 
2013-02-21 12:29:55 AM

Catlike Typist: That's nice; do they have any idea as to why engineers can't deliver a joke, anecdote or explanation that isn't 10-15 minutes long?


BLOW MMMMEEEEEE!!!!!!
 
2013-02-21 12:35:14 AM

PsiChick: A) Psychology is usually considered a social science. Neurology isn't, but psychology is. That's part of why psychology has a field devoted to uncovering the differences in psychology between cultures; there are very few hard and fast rules when you leave neurology behind.


There are aspects of psychology that use social science methodology, but there is a huge side of it that comes from the natural sciences. And if you think neuropsychology doesn't exist as a discipline that studies the way the biological brain affects cognition and behaviour, then I have to ask what rock you have been living under for the last few decades. I will also point out that you just created exactly the sort of artificial, arbitrary distinction I was talking about. You tried to separate into discrete categories something that is not in any way separate or discrete just to maintain your personal worldview.

We know that biological variation affects cognition. We know that different people respond differently to social pressures based on biological variations. Yet the social sciences for the most part prefer to pretend none of that exists.

PsiChick: B) I think you're mistaking my point. I'm not arguing that biology isn't an influence; I'm arguing that we all experience the same mild, universal biological urges, that our social training then translates on an unconscious level. It looks like instinct. It is not. Let's ignore your waist-to-hip ratio example and look at your example of parrots bobbing their heads. Why is the human bobbing their head? To keep in time with the crappy Vanilla Ice song they're playing. Why is the parrot bobbing his head? He's saying you have something he wants--it's body language. That's not the same thing.


That's the flip side of the coin from assuming biological determinism, and it's just as wrong. There is biological variation between humans, and the interaction of culture and biology expresses itself differently in each individual. Treating variation in outcome as if all the variability is due to social forces because the biology is presumed to be invariant is just as wrongheaded as assuming that all human traits are due to the biology and the social influences are inconsequential.

And no, when I talk about parrots and beat induction, I am being very specific. I am not talking about parrots bobbing their heads to get something they want. I am specifically referring to the ability to follow the beat of music.

PsiChick: What I'm talking about is better described using this example: In America, common methods of suicide are guns and knives, but in the Middle East, it's fire. Why? Because the same urge--a strong one, in this case--is translated differently due to unrelated ideas about symbolism, sexyness of weapons, etc.. That's culture. It gives a lens for a biologically-based reaction, or sometimes psychologically-based. Now, language is much more complicated, and from what I know feral children never learn it without someone actively teaching it to them. That indicates that it's insanely unlikely that any biology has such an effect on language that it would influence word count. But a researcher might find that if they hadn't studied social sciences and didn't realize language is not innate.


Um, that last part about language is exactly backwards. Biology has a huge impact on our language use. Children have the ability to easily acquire language fluency at a young age during a critical period of development. They will easily learn any languages they are exposed to consistently during this period. Language acquisition after this period becomes much more difficult even in later childhood, and if the child is not exposed to language at all during this critical period of brain development, then language acquisition will be permanently stunted, such that any later language use will be simplistic, stilted and halting, often with very basic grammar and syntax. The case of Genie provided a lot of the initial evidence about this developmental pathway, but it has been confirmed since by other cases.

This can express itself in strange ways. If you immerse a child in one language for the first part of the critical period, but then change the language they are exposed to right at the end, you get a person who grows up with a strong accent of the former language even if they lose all actual fluency in the language, because the brain has already absorbed the phoneme structure even if the actual language itself is lost.

Heck, we even know what parts of the brain are responsible for language. Broca's area and Wernicke's area both influence language, and damaging either leads to a form of aphasia - but of totally different varieties. Damage to Broca's area leads to speech which is grammatical and meaningful, but slow and halting with simple sentence structure and which lacks fluency. Damage to Wernicke's area leads to fluent speech that is produced easily, but which is nonsensical and lacks any grammatical or syntactic structure.

So we actually know that language is deeply and fundamentally dependent on brain development and function - just like everything else we do, because the brain is the seat of the mind. To presume that variations in brain function cannot lead to variations in language use is ludicrous. In fact, we already know there are differences in language processing in the brain based on sex, with women being more bilateral while men are left lateral. And yet you are instantly willing to dismiss out of hand the possibility that there could be anything other than cultural influences on language use and acquisition.

Why? This is exactly the kind of academic presumption I am talking about. You apparently have a background in the social sciences, and so you accept the dogma of the social sciences that say the biological differences are not important and can be safely ignored when studying human behaviour, despite the vast amount of available evidence coming out of psychology that this is not the case and has never been the case.
 
2013-02-21 12:41:18 AM

kroonermanblack: lantawa: CtrlAltDestroy: lantawa: CtrlAltDestroy: /In the end, though, she ripped out my heart in a really callous way.

She ran away with Paul Bunion?

Ha. It was actually a 10-years-older, uneducated, unemployed, married guy.

/Last that I knew, when I left that forsaken state and returned "home", they were still running around behind his wife's back when the wife was at work.
//They made sure to get him home before his wife returned from work so she wouldn't know that he was gone all day with someone else.

I hope that good things happen for and to you in the future. Regarding personal prospects, well, there are approx 7 billion people on the planet. Plenty of possibilities that good people await you in your future, chatty or otherwise.

Or insurmountable odds of finding someone compatible with my particular flavor of broken (I'm not CAD, but figured I'd inject my current dystopian view of dating after 3 months on Eharmony and not more than a 2nd date out of anything).


I tried the online thing. I'm an exception- there's a reason most people are online dating. I used it to increase my pool from just the people I met at a bar and in person.

Go make yourself so busy you forget that you want a relationship, then start a business on top of it. They'll be pounding down your door- you're not ready now.
 
2013-02-21 12:47:09 AM

gmpathfinder: Controlled studies of word use between women and men have consistently found no significant difference between words per day.
The article links another article as 'evidence' for the 7k word per day difference, yet the linked article absolutely does not support that claim.

Other than anecdote, there's really no evidence that men speak less (or women speak more). Rather, there's a wide range of speech use in both men and women, and we tend to remember individuals who violate the norm (for example, women who talk a lot). A lot of this is confirmation bias.

There are gender differences in what people talk about, but not how much across the day.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11762186

Disagree? Show me a well documented, peer reviewed, adequately controlled experiment that shows a significant difference between gender that's not explained by other factors.


Here's the best one I could find. Note that they only deal with word count in passing.
 
2013-02-21 12:49:00 AM

KiltedBastich: gmpathfinder: Controlled studies of word use between women and men have consistently found no significant difference between words per day.
The article links another article as 'evidence' for the 7k word per day difference, yet the linked article absolutely does not support that claim.

Other than anecdote, there's really no evidence that men speak less (or women speak more). Rather, there's a wide range of speech use in both men and women, and we tend to remember individuals who violate the norm (for example, women who talk a lot). A lot of this is confirmation bias.

There are gender differences in what people talk about, but not how much across the day.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=11762186

Disagree? Show me a well documented, peer reviewed, adequately controlled experiment that shows a significant difference between gender that's not explained by other factors.

Here's the best one I could find. Note that they only deal with word count in passing.


That was directed at me, thanks for the backup.

This is the danger with science worshipers- just as a program is only as good as its programmer, a study is only as good as the scientist. The fact that a study promotes an opinion doesn't mean it's the end all and be all- they have flaws.

Women talk more than men in America. Studies that find otherwise are flawed.
 
2013-02-21 01:09:49 AM
My ex accidentally conditioned me to ignore non-interrogatory female speech. Seriously, if I'm doing literally anything other than focusing on the conversation my brain treats sentences not containing that questioning upward inflection as superfluous. It's not something that I do on purpose, it's just an automatic reaction to the 8 years of mindless noise I was subjected to. I didn't even notice it was happening until I bought a new phone; You see the GPS app it came with uses a variety of female voices to direct you along your route. For weeks I swore up and down that the damned thing was skipping directions until I finally realized I was filtering it out subconsciously.

/New girlfriend talks just as much, but doesn't seek confirmation
//Her European accent is pleasant too
///3rd thing
 
2013-02-21 01:17:22 AM

Linkster: Catlike Typist: That's nice; do they have any idea as to why engineers can't deliver a joke, anecdote or explanation that isn't 10-15 minutes long?

BLOW MMMMEEEEEE!!!!!!


^Perfect example: twice as many words as needed.
 
2013-02-21 01:56:55 AM

Talos: I'm surprised no one has brought up the cell phone factor.

When there's a cell phone involved the amount of superfluous b.s. women feel the need to talk about goes up by a factor of about 39 brazillion.


I have quite seriously considered attempting to punch wimmenfolks on the public transit for this kinda shiat. Oh my f**king gods how they yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak.

And I AM a wimmenfolk.
 
2013-02-21 02:06:09 AM

farkingnotworking: YixilTesiphon: WTF is wrong with your wives?

I'm wondering that too.  And why do you stay with them if they annoy you so?


alimony/child support
 
2013-02-21 02:22:52 AM

noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!


Just once, try this and see what happens:

"We're eating at Bucket O' Clams tonight.  Go get ready."

Don't forget to report your findings.
 
2013-02-21 02:30:19 AM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: For another example, color blindness is (usually) on the X chromosome(s), which IS a sex chromosome.

/see how that doesn't make sense
//I think Y is more reliably filled with gender traits but I'm not even sure


Yes, the gene for red-green color blindness is on the X chromosome. But it's a recessive trait and that's why it almost always shows up in males but is passed on by the mother. The male only has one X chromosome so if it has the gene it's expressed. A female has two, so if she has one X chromosome with the gene but the other one doesn't have the gene then it's not expressed.
 
2013-02-21 02:38:37 AM
My boyfriend is the chatty one. He even babbles through texts, it's crazy. Sweet, but crazy. And lord help you if you drink a couple of glasses of wine with him- that's when the guitar comes out, then all bets are off.
 
2013-02-21 02:42:36 AM
My ex would say a hundred times a day: "I love youuuu."
Initially I'd say "I love you too."; and I meant it.
After a while there was a pause after she said "I love youuuu.", followed by "don't you love meeee?".
And initially, I said "oh.. yeah, of course I love you".
I think you can see where this is going.
Eventually, finally, my answer was "no".
I had to call the cops.
 
2013-02-21 03:16:49 AM

phrenicmonkey: My ex would say a hundred times a day: "I love youuuu."
Initially I'd say "I love you too."; and I meant it.
After a while there was a pause after she said "I love youuuu.", followed by "don't you love meeee?".
And initially, I said "oh.. yeah, of course I love you".
I think you can see where this is going.
Eventually, finally, my answer was "no".
I had to call the cops.


That was a pointless post.  Apologies.  Drinking.
 
2013-02-21 03:19:26 AM

arghyematey: My boyfriend is the chatty one. He even babbles through texts, it's crazy. Sweet, but crazy. And lord help you if you drink a couple of glasses of wine with him- that's when the guitar comes out, then all bets are off.


Have you tried beating him over his head with said guitar?  I'm sure it will do the job -- one way or another.
 
2013-02-21 05:35:03 AM
Aside from the biological aspects, some of this perception of extra talking is just the difference between extroverts and introverts. There certainly are women that are quiet, but the ones always running their mouths are more noticeable.

On a social level though I believe women will talk more because of the attention they receive from men they feel their opinions are valued more than they are. Thus the bored wife complaining her husband doesn't listen to her anymore, but other men seem interested in what she has to say.
 
2013-02-21 05:47:47 AM
I find men and woman usually both say too many boring things I don't want to listen to. Both always seem to want to talk about what they ate and things they recently bought which I don't give a flying fark about.
 
2013-02-21 06:07:32 AM

PsiChick: I love hard sciences, but occasionally I wonder if they're trying to parody themselves. Just because you can't measure social influence with decimal points doesn't mean social influence doesn't exist. It just means you need to figure out a different measurement.


It sounds more like you're the one making a parody of what people actually think.
I'm a physicist, and nobody I know actually alleges that the phenomena described by social sciences don't exist.  They don't even say that they aren't useful.  What they do point out is that they are not deterministic.  In other words, even if you do "figure out a different measurement", when you actually take those measurements it references only a definition that YOU created instead of something that exists objectively.  Or, if it does exist objectively, it is something which cannot be quantified in any reliable way.  When people involved in the "hard sciences" complain about this they aren't saying that the phenomena don't exist, even if that's what it sounds like to you.  What they're doing is pointing out that the observations being made can't be used to objectively or unambiguously support or falsify any particular theory.  In the hard sciences, this is functionally the same as not having any data at all.

No reasonable person denies the results of operant conditioning experiments, or the existence of emotions (whether we can measure them or not), or the ability of therapists to help people with counseling.  But neither is it reasonable to suggest that social science theories meet the same rigorous criteria for reproducibility, predictive power, or even falsifiability that the "hard sciences" do.
 
2013-02-21 06:19:37 AM

ciberido: I think many of them find the idea that human behavior can be studied and understood intimidating.


Lol, that's silly.  Why would you think that?
No, in my experience, they just find their standards for the scientific hallmarks of "evidence", or "predictability" to be sadly lackluster.

I actually think that the study of behavior, or especially more fundamental things like consciousness, to be intensely interesting.  I also do not fault those fields for being so imprecise, largely because I recognize that they are this way because they stem from the analysis of a highly complex and chaotic system (a highly mathematical concept itself).

Perhaps in time we will develop the biotechnology to analyze those complex neural networks in our heads in a more deterministic and precise way, but until then things like psychology will have to serve as crude exploratory tools.
 
2013-02-21 06:21:54 AM

OgreMagi: arghyematey: My boyfriend is the chatty one. He even babbles through texts, it's crazy. Sweet, but crazy. And lord help you if you drink a couple of glasses of wine with him- that's when the guitar comes out, then all bets are off.

Have you tried beating him over his head with said guitar?  I'm sure it will do the job -- one way or another.


Wine is a real son of a biatch for making people not shut up. I know someone who turns into the grand philosopher when he hits the wine. If you don't listen to every damn grand thought, then there's a hissy fit.
 
2013-02-21 07:31:43 AM

noitsnot: M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...


M: Well you will have to think of where you want or we are not going anywhere.
F: How about KFC?
M: OK.

Why did you have a problem? Because you tried to fix the problem and so BECAME the problem. Make HER the problem and she will fix it.
 
2013-02-21 07:39:20 AM

Ed Grubermann: My problems is with all the unrelated tangents, background data I don't need or want, and repetition of things I already know.


That's everyone.  My boss, coworkers, and various friends have this habit of telling a story as if it's a full-on play with acting and movement. Just tell me the fact quickly and with no unnecessary embellishments.

/grumpy in the morning makes me even more terse.
 
2013-02-21 07:49:10 AM

WhippingBoy: Jument: After reading this thread I can only conclude that most of us are married to the same woman.

They're all the same woman, deep down inside.


Might be a good idea to look for intelligence and education in a woman instead of beauty and willingness to do sexual favors.  Seriously though, my brother's wife is the nagging type and I just want to take her into a room and let her know she's doing our gender a disservice by acting like a whiny, needy two-year-old that craves attention at all times.  I personally, don't feel the need to inundate my husband with useless facts and assumptions I've made throughout my day.   That's wasting his time and mine.  But then again, I never did get along with the typical females around me as well as the men.  Could be why I chose the industry I did.

/IT Networking and engineering.
 
2013-02-21 07:55:06 AM

dready zim: noitsnot: M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...

M: Well you will have to think of where you want or we are not going anywhere.
F: How about KFC?
M: OK.

Why did you have a problem? Because you tried to fix the problem and so BECAME the problem. Make HER the problem and she will fix it.


solution to all your food shortages

images.wikia.com
 
2013-02-21 07:58:02 AM

Pilikia: HER: "What did you buy at Walgreens today?
ME: "Where?"
HER: "Walgreens. I was looking at the checking account online and saw a debit card transaction for $5.43."
ME: "Oh. Tylenol. I had a bad headache."
HER: "I thought we were going to discuss debit card purchases together before making them as part of our new family budget plan."
ME: "Um..."
HER: "I mean, you can't just live your own separate life like this. We need to communicate if we're going to make this budget work. You know the Millers, right? They put all of their expenditures from each day into a spreadsheet together, every night, and they..."
ME: (leaving room)
HER: "Where are you going?"
ME: "Getting the Tylenol."


That's why we have our checking accts separate.  As long as we pay what we need to pay (rent, etc) then neither has any say over what the other is using their money for.
 
2013-02-21 08:01:44 AM
Y'know what gets me?  Is when we went to our financial advisor and the guy is all like (motioning to me) says something about cooking, and (motioning to my husband) says something about fixing computers.  I married a chef... and I work in IT.  We just laughed at him.  I call him if I can't figure out how to flambee (or some other culinary complex thing) something.  He calls me for stuff like fixing a car or his computer.  Neither of us feel the need to shove the other into a cookie cutter hole based on gender stereotypes and it gets me all kinds of riled when others try to.
 
2013-02-21 08:04:05 AM

vegaswench: I am going to teach a class. "How To Respond When Someone At Work Asks You How You Are 101."

Only accetable answer: "Fine, how are you?"

All other responses get an F.


I dunno, I'm kind of partial to "Too early to tell" as an answer, especially when I'm still getting coffee.
 
2013-02-21 08:04:10 AM

Kittypie070: Talos: I'm surprised no one has brought up the cell phone factor.

When there's a cell phone involved the amount of superfluous b.s. women feel the need to talk about goes up by a factor of about 39 brazillion.

I have quite seriously considered attempting to punch wimmenfolks on the public transit for this kinda shiat. Oh my f**king gods how they yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak. And yak.

And I AM a wimmenfolk.


Agreed. I'd rather shoot off a text to someone than talk to them.  It's just a bother to have to tell them the one thing I needed an answer to and then have to pad it with stupid 'how was your day' nonsense so you don't seem rude.
 
2013-02-21 08:06:03 AM

Darke: Y'know what gets me?  Is when we went to our financial advisor and the guy is all like (motioning to me) says something about cooking, and (motioning to my husband) says something about fixing computers.  I married a chef... and I work in IT.  We just laughed at him.  I call him if I can't figure out how to flambee (or some other culinary complex thing) something.  He calls me for stuff like fixing a car or his computer.  Neither of us feel the need to shove the other into a cookie cutter hole based on gender stereotypes and it gets me all kinds of riled when others try to.


rape rape rape rape rape rape rape
 
2013-02-21 08:15:35 AM
why do women with low dopamine talk even more? any neuroscientists in the thread?
also,
why does bupropion/wellbutrin not even touch it?
 
2013-02-21 08:18:53 AM

utah dude: why do women with low dopamine talk even more? any neuroscientists in the thread?
also,
why does bupropion/wellbutrin not even touch it?


you sound like a rapist? what's your name??
 
2013-02-21 08:22:54 AM

Amos Quito: Fascinating.


hahaha. aq. classiq. love ya'.
 
2013-02-21 08:23:59 AM

Jon iz teh kewl: utah dude: why do women with low dopamine talk even more? any neuroscientists in the thread?
also,
why does bupropion/wellbutrin not even touch it?

you sound like a rapist? what's your name??


axe body spray. but i'm a corporation, not a person, so you can't charge me. besides, my smell is a gift from G-d, not rape.
 
2013-02-21 08:38:45 AM
Think I figured this one out.

imgs.xkcd.com
 
2013-02-21 08:49:35 AM

I May Be Crazy But...: The soon to be Mrs Crazy has actually flat out told me that when she complains about a problem that isn't "the toilet is overflowing" or "there's a cockroach" or "the stove is on fire", etc, she doesn't want a solution. Apparently reliving problems while she talks about them is fun or something.


It's like reviewing a problem.  She's a big girl - can solve it on her own in her own time.  Talking about it might help her see new avenues to fixing it... or maybe she's letting you know something's wrong so you're not like "what's wrong?" and worried.
 
2013-02-21 08:51:33 AM

dmax: Used to have a lot of arguments that seemed like skew lines. I had one point, she had another. I noticed she would talk in one direction and I wanted another.

But I like the science, not the touchy feely self-help books.

So, since we like to read out loud to each other on road trips, while the other drives, we read Deborah Tannen's "You Just Don't Understand." Saved our marriage. Gave out dozens of copies to friends.

She is a linguist that studies how the different genders talk. TL;DR of her book: women talk in terms of association, horizontally, ("she's my best friend." "Let's do this together." That clique stuff.) but men talk in terms of power and control, vertically ("I'm the king." "Who's in charge here?" The totem pole of power).

So, when my wife asks, "Are you up for a movie tonight?" she's thinking "Let's do something together." but I'm hearing "I'm telling you that I've made plans for us."


If you interpret "Are you up for a movie tonight?" as "I've made plans for us" then either you aren't actually listening to what your wife is saying, or you don't have a very good grasp on the English language.  Words have specific meanings for a reason, and if everyone (men and women) were more precise in their use of language, I think many arguments could be avoided.
 
2013-02-21 08:56:43 AM

big pig peaches: bunner: "You should do ~n before it gets cold"

"I will."

"No, you wont.  You say you will but you never finish anything."

"Didn't I do A,. B, B and all that other crap you asked about last  month?"

"Only because I nagged you."

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, cause and effect.  Have you tried NOT nagging me and seeing what happens?"

"You're not the only person who makes decisions in this family!"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Why are you so pigheaded?"

"Why do you have to try and convince me that without your foot up my ass, I couldn't tie my own shoes?"

"Whut UVER, you are so immature."

"Yes, that must be it."

"So are you going to do ~n?"

"*sigh*"

Please stop dating my wife.


Guys, since we're clearly all married to the same chick, you might consider what I've done, which is to passive-aggressively "remind" her to do her mundane chores right at the second she was about to do it anyway. When she inevitably loses her shiat, I remind her that this is how nagging feels, and she does this every day. I tell her to imagine how a person could deal with this kind of abuse day after day while only reacting in kind with silly reminders to illustrate why the behavior is objectionable instead of thumping his chest like a gorilla and screaming obscenities.
I then tell her that she had the good taste to marry such a patient individual, and that it'd still be best not to assume he doesn't know how to thump things and scream obscenities, because everyone can flip the fark out sometimes.

It's easy to deal with people if you just assume these three things:

1. Anyone can kill anyone, and they frequently do. If you abuse any person, you have no idea how they will react to it, because you don't know if you're the first person to pull that bullshiat on them or the 40th. Be kind.

2. People tend to be nice to you if you're nice to them first. They tend to be helpful towards those people they suspect would help them too. They tend to be unhelpful and spiteful towards takers, sociopaths, and selfish creeps.

3. People lack introspection to such a degree that most of the time someone is horribly unjust to you, they aren't conscious of it. They are usually simply reacting emotionally, like an animal. You'll have to be patient if you're the thinking type and you want to hang with less thinky types.
 
2013-02-21 09:15:52 AM

noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!


YOU pick the place, and make it a binary choice:  Honey, do you want to stay in, or go to dinner at the Texas Cheesecake Depository?

She can either pick one of the above, or suggest another place, but 'no' is not a valid answer.
 
2013-02-21 09:48:06 AM

CheekyMonkey: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

YOU pick the place, and make it a binary choice:  Honey, do you want to stay in, or go to dinner at the Texas Cheesecake Depository?

She can either pick one of the above, or suggest another place, but 'no' is not a valid answer.


In all seriousness (hilarious thread aside) PrincessApult and I have a solution to this indecisiveness problem.  I pick 5 places right off the bat, she vetoes 2 or 3 of them giving a reason why.  I choose from the remainder telling her why I made my pick.  Or vice-versa. Neither of us can be blamed because we both had a say in the decision.  We have modified this to work for many decisions with multiple options in our relationship.
Seems to work ok, and you COMMUNICATE.  I know, its one of those weird things you have to do every once and a while.
 
2013-02-21 09:54:04 AM

Fafai: Ed Grubermann:

She doesn't want the problem solved.

Understanding this makes it even MORE infuriating. It's farking pathetic and a huge turn off to listen to someone biatch about shiat they can't even be assed to fix even when the solution is simple as fark, as it is half the time. Lazy AND entitled.


You STILL haven't grasped that SHE'S NOT LOOKING FOR A SOLUTION.  Doesn't matter how infuriating it is for you - she doesn't want it.  She just wants you to listen to her, and doesn't get why you can't do that one simple thing for her.  That's the flip side - she's just as frustrated with you as you are with her.

Both of you do need to find an acceptable middle ground.  Believe me, I understand your frustration - I go through the same thing with my GF.  What I do is listen to whatever BS problem she has but doesn't want solved, for about 5 minutes.  After that, I interrupt and say, "I'm going to to X* now - if you want talk more about this, come talk to me while I do it".  More often than not, that initial 5 minutes turns out to be sufficient, and even if it isn't, doing X at least gives me something constructive to do while I'm listening to her.

*X must be some small chore that is on the mutually-agreed list of things to be done, like getting the dead bugs out of the ceiling fan light fixture or bringing in more firewood, that you don't really want to do, but that she will never do.
 
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