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(Science World Report)   Scientists discover that men are from Mars, women are from planet Oh God Why Are You Still Talking, Sweet Jesus Do You Ever Get to the Point   (scienceworldreport.com) divider line 553
    More: Interesting, get to the point, The Journal of Neuroscience, scientists  
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13467 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2013 at 3:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-20 06:27:51 PM

L.D. Ablo: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Women do indeed do this. They also "tell" you things without actually doing so, then get angry when you forget.

For example, this past Sunday evening:

Wife: Jen wants to bra shopping. Maybe at Nordys.
Me: Nordys?
Wife: Nordstroms.
Me: That's the same amount of syllables.
Wife: (paraphrasing) They do all the fitting and sizing and what not

Monday afternoon
Wife: I'll head straight home after work.
Me: OK, as opposed to?
Wife: Going bra shopping
Me: didnt realize you had made a plan to that
Wife: i mentioned that yesterday. about going with Jen
Me: I know, you mentioned it, didn't know you had planned to do so today
Wife: well, no matter. it's not happening.
Me: OK

Women know what they're doing.  This is done to keep men off balance and uncertain, giving them the upper hand.


I hope you're joking. There's no use in being paranoid. People generally lack the wherewithal to deliberately harm you. The weapon of choice is typically incompetence.
 
2013-02-20 06:27:51 PM

ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.


It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.
 
2013-02-20 06:28:11 PM

OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.


I actually figured the way out of this trap.  This pattern means that she does not really want to be involved in deciding, except in a token way.

The correct answer is to say "Let's go to Chicken Festival.  There, I've just made the reservation.  Go get in the car, we are leaving now."

At this point, she either will go to Chicken Festival, or change it to something different - but there will be a resolution.  No more tail-chasing.
 
2013-02-20 06:28:13 PM
They conducted a small study on human children aged four to five years who had died in accidents less than 24 hours previously.

SCIENCE!
 
2013-02-20 06:28:22 PM

Precision Boobery: vegaswench: I am going to teach a class. "How To Respond When Someone At Work Asks You How You Are 101."

Only accetable answer: "Fine, how are you?"

All other responses get an F.

I hate this shiat.  If you don't want to know how I am, don't ask the question, you shallow, disingenuous prick.  Also, don't stand there looking offended when I don't ask you the same question.  I don't ask unless I care enough about the answer to want a real one.


My usually response is "meh".  That's it.  I don't ask back because I don't give a shiat how you are doing.  I don't even like you.  I tolerate you because I have to work with you, but when I finally snap, you're the first one I'm going to shoot....

Did I say that out loud?
 
2013-02-20 06:29:11 PM

Glancing Blow: I don't want to denigrate this important discussion, but am I the only one who thought, damn, that's a mighty come-over-here-big-boy mouth when the article opened.


Goes without saying...

/see what I did there?
 
2013-02-20 06:29:53 PM
Seeing what you guys have to say on this topic (so far. still reading) I can't help but be reminded of something. I see lots of people and hear them complain about their significant other.

He can't stand when she opens her mouth to talk. She thinks that he just ignores her when the TV is on. He can't stand it when she drags him shopping. She hates that he has no interest in her favorite hobbies. Etc, etc.

Why are these people together? Why? Are their relationships so shallow that the part where two people connect as human beings, and not just physically, not part of the equation?

I can't help but look at these people who seem to be connected only by their nether regions and feel sorry for them. I've had a pair of married guys laugh in my face at the idea that a third guy should discuss a financial decision with his wife, as her initial idea really wasn't very good. After they calmed down from the laughing one said, "you just don't understand the way it works." The way what works? Is the notion that you should be able to talk to your spouse about a serious topic so foreign to people?

I would never want to be in a relationship with, or married to, someone who I thought was vapid and annoying. I couldn't see myself being with someone who I didn't want to spend lots and lots of time with for every reason. Good conversation, overlapping hobbies, sense of humor, etc. I couldn't see myself seriously being with someone who I didn't see as my best friend.

/That's probably why I'm single.
//That and being ugly less than attractive.
 
2013-02-20 06:30:38 PM

fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.


If the problem is, for example, "I'm unhappy (because my boss is a biatch)" then yes, crying on a shoulder solves that part of problem which can be most immediately solved ("I'm unhappy").  The other problem ("my boss is a biatch") might have possible solutions (such as "find another job").  But, as I am an intelligent adult, I can think up those ideas myself without someone else telling me what to do.  What I cannot do for myself is cry on my own shoulder.

Or to try to put it in terms that you might relate to better, if I tell you my car is low on oil, yes, maybe it would be worthwhile to discuss what might have caused this, and yes, we could discuss the idea of you taking a look at the engine or taking the car to a garage for repairs, but what I need RIGHT NOW is somebody to put oil in the damn car.
 
2013-02-20 06:30:53 PM

noitsnot: OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.

I actually figured the way out of this trap.  This pattern means that she does not really want to be involved in deciding, except in a token way.

The correct answer is to say "Let's go to Chicken Festival.  There, I've just made the reservation.  Go get in the car, we are leaving now."

At this point, she either will go to Chicken Festival, or change it to something different - but there will be a resolution.  No more tail-chasing.


All kidding aside, I agree that this is essentially correct, assuming there are no mitigating factors such as a blowout argument simmering just below the surface. Took me 16 years of marriage to figure it out.
 
2013-02-20 06:31:39 PM

Pilikia: ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.

It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.


Is... is this like Scrabble? Let me just get a pencil and- oh... oh dear. I've misplaced my scorecard. How many points do I have again?
 
2013-02-20 06:32:01 PM

browntimmy: lordluzr: Two hundred comments in two hours.... Fark is a woman.

Notice how internet comments are usually relatively succinct and get the point across without superfluous information? Internet savvy people know that long text blocks will largely get ignored. This same rule applies to most men and real life conversations.


Yes, indeed, Fark comments are the very model of intelligence and succinctness.
 
2013-02-20 06:32:09 PM

Snarfangel: "Both" is an acceptable answer. Then the leftovers can be eaten for the next meal, bypassing the circular discussion completely.


You don't understand. There is no right answer. With respect to the woman, the conversation had absolutely nothing to do with what to have for dinner.
 
2013-02-20 06:33:04 PM

PsiChick: feral children never learn it without someone actively teaching it to them. That indicates that it's insanely unlikely that any biology has such an effect on language that it would influence word count. But a researcher might find that if they hadn't studied social sciences and didn't realize language is not innate.


Heritability even through adoption says otherwise.
 
2013-02-20 06:33:12 PM

Pilikia: noitsnot: OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.

I actually figured the way out of this trap.  This pattern means that she does not really want to be involved in deciding, except in a token way.

The correct answer is to say "Let's go to Chicken Festival.  There, I've just made the reservation.  Go get in the car, we are leaving now."

At this point, she either will go to Chicken Festival, or change it to something different - but there will be a resolution.  No more tail-chasing.

All kidding aside, I agree that this is essentially correct, assuming there are no mitigating factors such as a blowout argument simmering just below the surface. Took me 16 years of marriage to figure it out.


I tried doing the "I've decided" bit and gave her the opportunity to suggest an alternative.  Her response was, "I don't know".  That's when I realized there was absolutely no right answer.  She was purposely setting me up to fail, thus my decision to say "fark it" and go to In-N-Out without her.
 
2013-02-20 06:33:16 PM

ennuie: Pilikia: ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.

It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.

Is... is this like Scrabble? Let me just get a pencil and- oh... oh dear. I've misplaced my scorecard. How many points do I have again?


I don't know, but I'm taking my significant other to Quiznos.
 
2013-02-20 06:33:52 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: Seeing what you guys have to say on this topic (so far. still reading) I can't help but be reminded of something. I see lots of people and hear them complain about their significant other.

He can't stand when she opens her mouth to talk. She thinks that he just ignores her when the TV is on. He can't stand it when she drags him shopping. She hates that he has no interest in her favorite hobbies. Etc, etc.

Why are these people together? Why? Are their relationships so shallow that the part where two people connect as human beings, and not just physically, not part of the equation?

I can't help but look at these people who seem to be connected only by their nether regions and feel sorry for them. I've had a pair of married guys laugh in my face at the idea that a third guy should discuss a financial decision with his wife, as her initial idea really wasn't very good. After they calmed down from the laughing one said, "you just don't understand the way it works." The way what works? Is the notion that you should be able to talk to your spouse about a serious topic so foreign to people?

I would never want to be in a relationship with, or married to, someone who I thought was vapid and annoying. I couldn't see myself being with someone who I didn't want to spend lots and lots of time with for every reason. Good conversation, overlapping hobbies, sense of humor, etc. I couldn't see myself seriously being with someone who I didn't see as my best friend.

/That's probably why I'm single.
//That and being ugly less than attractive.


You're single because you're a sissy and you want a real regular woman, who in turn wants a real man. Advice you didn't ask for: forget about dating. Don't tell yourself you can't-distract yourself. Go get tons of hobbies, and start a business.
 
2013-02-20 06:34:14 PM

ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.


No, but they sure do nag more!
 
2013-02-20 06:35:16 PM

Yanks_RSJ: ciberido: Yes, but if you really want to assign blame, it's as much the man's fault for assuming without asking that the woman wanted a solution as it is her fault for not explicitly telling the man that she didn't want one.  Essentially, they're equally at fault, her for assuming he'd operate by "the women's rules" and him for assuming she'd operate by "the men's rules."

Well that's true, until you realize that talking about a problem without seeking a solution is a galactic waste of time and pointless beyond belief.  This is particularly true when the solution is as simple as "have you considered talking to ______ and saying everything you just told me?"


The fact that you are incapable of grasping the point to an action does not mean that action is pointless.
 
2013-02-20 06:36:30 PM

ennuie: Pilikia: ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.

It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.

Is... is this like Scrabble? Let me just get a pencil and- oh... oh dear. I've misplaced my scorecard. How many points do I have again?


No, I'm really good at Scrabble. This is more like some weird Calvin-ball mash-up of Boggle, Battleship and the NYT crossword puzzle.
 
2013-02-20 06:37:04 PM

Pilikia: HER: "What did you buy at Walgreens today?
ME: "Where?"
HER: "Walgreens. I was looking at the checking account online and saw a debit card transaction for $5.43."
ME: "Oh. Tylenol. I had a bad headache."
HER: "I thought we were going to discuss debit card purchases together before making them as part of our new family budget plan."
ME: "Um..."
HER: "I mean, you can't just live your own separate life like this. We need to communicate if we're going to make this budget work. You know the Millers, right? They put all of their expenditures from each day into a spreadsheet together, every night, and they..."
ME: (leaving room)
HER: "Where are you going?"
ME: "Getting the Tylenol."


Part of any sane budget should include a certain amount of money for "random BS I need right, right now". Make it roll over every month, and keep track.  If you're constantly running out, it's probably time to cut back.  Beyond that, don't care.

New $2300 laptop, let's chat.  $5 for tylenol, I don't care.

/One of the advantages to having a roommate in the Bay Area is I can take the $800 I'm not spending on my own place and use half for student loans and half for stupid BS.  No need for a budget, since I'm living about $1500 a month below my paycheck, and $1000 below expectations.
//Once the tax return comes in, I'll have paid off $10,000 in debt in the last 3 months, I can have student loans gone in 6 months, and all debt in a year and a half.
///Of course, it's Bay Area, so I'll still be in crushing poverty, and putting half my salary towards rent if I get my own place, but I'll be in a better financial position at 25 than my parents are at 55.
 
2013-02-20 06:38:07 PM
Ed Grubermann:

She doesn't want the problem solved.

Understanding this makes it even MORE infuriating. It's farking pathetic and a huge turn off to listen to someone biatch about shiat they can't even be assed to fix even when the solution is simple as fark, as it is half the time. Lazy AND entitled.
 
2013-02-20 06:39:11 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: I would never want to be in a relationship with, or married to, someone who I thought was vapid and annoying. I couldn't see myself being with someone who I didn't want to spend lots and lots of time with for every reason. Good conversation, overlapping hobbies, sense of humor, etc. I couldn't see myself seriously being with someone who I didn't see as my best friend.


Most of these complaints are minor annoyances people have with their partners.  I love my wife to death, completely crazy about her.  But she does pull the talking to me no matter where I am in the house bit.  You'll never find someone who doesn't have annoying tendencies.  My wife probably hates a bunch of stuff I do too.  It's that old chestnut about not trespassing on others and forgiving those who trespass against you.  We do our best to not bug each other, but it's gonna happen.

You're likely single because you think people can't love each other when they're not 100% compatible in every aspect of their life.  As long as the important stuff works, the little things are just gravy
 
2013-02-20 06:39:13 PM

Snarfangel: ennuie: Pilikia: ennuie: Women don't talk more than men.

It's like dog years. Every woman-word is worth seven man-words.

Is... is this like Scrabble? Let me just get a pencil and- oh... oh dear. I've misplaced my scorecard. How many points do I have again?

I don't know, but I'm taking my significant other to Quiznos.


Good choice.
 
2013-02-20 06:39:27 PM

sethen320: I told her we are listening, she just sucks at talking.


Like pushing your luck, don't you?
 
2013-02-20 06:39:32 PM
 The post argument argument where I'm basically told that by definition my disagreeing with her point of view is the equivalent of my screaming at her.

In fact she'll even recreate my screaming at her in a threatening manner and using words and statements that I never even came close to using.

It can quite disconcerting that she is convinced that this was how it actually happened.
 
2013-02-20 06:40:05 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: PsiChick: feral children never learn it without someone actively teaching it to them. That indicates that it's insanely unlikely that any biology has such an effect on language that it would influence word count. But a researcher might find that if they hadn't studied social sciences and didn't realize language is not innate.

Heritability even through adoption says otherwise.


...Sorry? Are you saying people inherit language despite being adopted? No, they might be adopted when they've already learned a language, but a baby who's Russian but adopted to America will not speak Russian unless taught--I had actual friends who were adopted as children and came from Russia, and had been speaking English so long they'd forgotten huge chunks of Russian. How could they do that if language were inherent?
 
2013-02-20 06:40:32 PM

Acharne: I love this thread. I am sorely tempted to show it to my girlfriend but I don't think she'll understand why. For me, it'd be about empathy, for her, it'd be able re-inforcing stereotypes and disrespecting her.


Don't be too sure.  I'm finding it pretty damn amusing, mostly in a "They really think that?!" kind of way.
 
2013-02-20 06:40:43 PM

PsiChick: Fark Rye For Many Whores: PsiChick: feral children never learn it without someone actively teaching it to them. That indicates that it's insanely unlikely that any biology has such an effect on language that it would influence word count. But a researcher might find that if they hadn't studied social sciences and didn't realize language is not innate.

Heritability even through adoption says otherwise.

...Sorry? Are you saying people inherit language despite being adopted? No, they might be adopted when they've already learned a language, but a baby who's Russian but adopted to America will not speak Russian unless taught--I had actual friends who were adopted as children and came from Russia, and had been speaking English so long they'd forgotten huge chunks of Russian. How could they do that if a specific language were inherent?


I no can post today, apparently.
 
2013-02-20 06:41:15 PM

ciberido: What I cannot do for myself is cry on my own shoulder.


That sounds defeatist; I bet you could if you tried.
 
2013-02-20 06:41:46 PM

noitsnot: No more tail-chasing.


Why do you think he's taking her to dinner in the first place?
 
2013-02-20 06:43:12 PM

fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.


There ya go, thinking like a MAN again.
 
2013-02-20 06:43:57 PM

meyerkev: Pilikia: HER: "What did you buy at Walgreens today?
ME: "Where?"
HER: "Walgreens. I was looking at the checking account online and saw a debit card transaction for $5.43."
ME: "Oh. Tylenol. I had a bad headache."
HER: "I thought we were going to discuss debit card purchases together before making them as part of our new family budget plan."
ME: "Um..."
HER: "I mean, you can't just live your own separate life like this. We need to communicate if we're going to make this budget work. You know the Millers, right? They put all of their expenditures from each day into a spreadsheet together, every night, and they..."
ME: (leaving room)
HER: "Where are you going?"
ME: "Getting the Tylenol."

Part of any sane budget should include a certain amount of money for "random BS I need right, right now". Make it roll over every month, and keep track.  If you're constantly running out, it's probably time to cut back.  Beyond that, don't care.

New $2300 laptop, let's chat.  $5 for tylenol, I don't care.

/One of the advantages to having a roommate in the Bay Area is I can take the $800 I'm not spending on my own place and use half for student loans and half for stupid BS.  No need for a budget, since I'm living about $1500 a month below my paycheck, and $1000 below expectations.
//Once the tax return comes in, I'll have paid off $10,000 in debt in the last 3 months, I can have student loans gone in 6 months, and all debt in a year and a half.
///Of course, it's Bay Area, so I'll still be in crushing poverty, and putting half my salary towards rent if I get my own place, but I'll be in a better financial position at 25 than my parents are at 55.


See, I'm a guy, so I can totally appreciate this solid financial advice. Guys give each other a lot of good advice. But the truth is, that conversation was not about the purchase or our finances. Possibly it was about me having been too busy to call her at lunch that day, inadvertently hurting her feelings. Or she was worried her parents are getting old. Or her feet were cold. I'll never know.
 
2013-02-20 06:44:23 PM

Ed Grubermann: fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.

She doesn't want the problem solved.


Then why is she talking about it?
 
2013-02-20 06:45:22 PM

fredklein: Ed Grubermann: fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.

She doesn't want the problem solved.

Then why is she talking about it?


Exactly.
 
2013-02-20 06:46:02 PM
 
2013-02-20 06:48:05 PM

crabsno termites: sethen320: I told her we are listening, she just sucks at talking.

Like pushing your luck, don't you?


Yeah usually I don't catch those mistakes until they slip out.
 
2013-02-20 06:49:47 PM

PanicAttack: n, considers small talk stupid and pointless.

/other women don't "get" me, especially when my eyes glaze over while they ramble about talk shows and s


I'm an INTJ dating an ISTJ.  We'd both agree.

/I'm also often seen as cold because I don't do small talk
 
2013-02-20 06:50:15 PM

OgreMagi: badgerb: Acharne: I love this thread. I am sorely tempted to show it to my girlfriend but I don't think she'll understand why. For me, it'd be about empathy, for her, it'd be able re-inforcing stereotypes and disrespecting her.

Dude go alpha.
OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.

You lucky barstad!!!
Wish I had thought of that.

Going to In-N-Out or getting divorced?


Depends on how much alimony he had to pay.
Having said that it sounds like getting away from this biatch was worth it at any price.
I do like an In-N-Out burger every once in awhile though.
 
2013-02-20 06:50:39 PM

badgerb: DNRTFA or the CT.

[i.imgur.com image 495x354]

All you need to know.


I'm adding absolutely nothing to the conversation, but every time I see a duck now I just see a bird wearing a dog mask...
 
2013-02-20 06:53:45 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: Seeing what you guys have to say on this topic (so far. still reading) I can't help but be reminded of something. I see lots of people and hear them complain about their significant other.

He can't stand when she opens her mouth to talk. She thinks that he just ignores her when the TV is on. He can't stand it when she drags him shopping. She hates that he has no interest in her favorite hobbies. Etc, etc.

Why are these people together? Why? Are their relationships so shallow that the part where two people connect as human beings, and not just physically, not part of the equation?

I can't help but look at these people who seem to be connected only by their nether regions and feel sorry for them. I've had a pair of married guys laugh in my face at the idea that a third guy should discuss a financial decision with his wife, as her initial idea really wasn't very good. After they calmed down from the laughing one said, "you just don't understand the way it works." The way what works? Is the notion that you should be able to talk to your spouse about a serious topic so foreign to people?

I would never want to be in a relationship with, or married to, someone who I thought was vapid and annoying. I couldn't see myself being with someone who I didn't want to spend lots and lots of time with for every reason. Good conversation, overlapping hobbies, sense of humor, etc. I couldn't see myself seriously being with someone who I didn't see as my best friend.

/That's probably why I'm single.
//That and being ugly less than attractive.



All of that is true, for the most part, but here's the thing you are leaving out of your equation - time.

When you first start out and maybe for the first ten years, there's lots to talk about, serious and not, and lots to find out about each other and work through. Most people decide if they are going to be able to be friends out of bed within this period of time. Now, assume you've gone through this and now it's 37 years since that first kiss. You've already told each other about yourselves, you have a lot of shared history that the other one already knows about, you've weathered serious issues together and you are still together.

You know each other's feelings, you can finish each other's sentences, you only have to say one word and the other one knows what you're referring to, you have short-cuts to jokes, etc. They are more like you and you are more like them than any other person on the planet. Think about when you are alone, do you spend a lot of time talking to yourself? Not usually, right? Same if you've been with another person a long time. There's no need or point to spend lots and lots of time together and talk. It's not that you don't have anything in common, you have everything in common so there's no need to share feelings you already know the other person shares.

Some "conversations" with my husband go like this, say we're in the same room and have just heard something bad on the news:

Me: That sucks.
Him: Yeah. Remember...?
Me: I was just thinking that.
Him: Shame.

So two people, ten words, the subject is covered and over with.
 
2013-02-20 06:53:59 PM

bingo the psych-o: Raise your hand if you are a guy and you have had a conversation with one of your buddies that was entierly made up of single word responses.


Like this?
 
2013-02-20 06:54:07 PM

fredklein: Ed Grubermann: fredklein: ciberido: She didn't ask you for advice. She told you she had a problem, because she wanted a shoulder to cry on.

Crying on a shoulder doesn't solve the problem. (unless the problem is a dry shoulder). Solving the problem solves the problem.

She doesn't want the problem solved.

Then why is she talking about it?



I'm afraid that that is a mystery you will never, ever understand.  So, logically, you should stop asking.
 
2013-02-20 06:57:00 PM

weiserfireman: My current wife has a bad habit of starting to talk to me from another room while I am doing something.   If I stop, give her attention, and ask her to start over, so I can catch up, I get something snarky like "The price of tea in China has doubled in the past year".

My Ex-wife is driving me crazy right now.   Our son won't talk to her anymore.   He wants nothing to do with her, no texts, no phone calls, no hugs, nothing.   I tried counseling, but it did no good, because all he would tell the counselor is "I don't like her anymore", and then go silent.   He won't talk to me about it.    I have full custody, but now she the ex- has a tax return and she is mad he won't deal with her.   Now she is all angry and screaming at me because the son won't give her a hug.    She is going to try and get Court Ordered Counseling to fix it.  I am a horrible father because I can't see how much pain he is in and I haven't done enough to fix it.    "He doesn't like you" and "He only appears to be in pain when he is dealing with you" just get cuss words.    She got a new fiance' at Christmas.    Now I am not a real man, like he is.   She always mistakes my politeness towards her as friendship.    I let her know this weekend that my veneer of civility is just that.   She stepped over the line, and now she is clear that the line exists.     I will probably end up in court within the month.


Hey man, I can't be sure if anyone's serious on teh interwebs, and i usually don't offer sincere advice but... you seem frustrated.

I've seen this type of behaviour in a number of scenarios and the common factor in all of them is that the mother has acquired a new male companion.  Whether the kid is mad at her for trying to replace the father, or doesn't like the guy, or whatever, it pretty much always comes down to that.  More apparent in younger children that have difficulty articulating their true feelings.  I've seen it in cases where the two exes were at each others throats, and where two exes had an amicable post-breakup friendship.

Of course I dont know your relationship with the kid, but if it was  my kid I would bluntly ask him an open ended question like 'do you like <name>' or 'how do you feel about <name>'.  Totally omitting any mention of the mother and just focusing on that person.  Just a conversation starter and try to help him understand that the person is just replacing your role in his mom's life, not his life.  I dunno...   Probably obvious, but just wanted to chime in cause i hate to see kids have a hard time with parent break ups, it gets me right there.

/no, not there, you perv
//signed, Dr. Cyrael R. Sonis, Anecdotal Psychologis
 
2013-02-20 06:58:02 PM

treesloth: Me:  This morning.


This always happens:

Us: Let's agree to start packing a week before we move
*One month before we move*
Her: I don't want to have to pack this entire house myself!
Me: If you worry about it lots, you'll burn yourself out. We agreed to do it in three weeks as neither of us wants to live with boxes of stuff.
*Two weeks before we move, I come home to a completely packed house and a really pissed off girlfriend*
Her: You weren't doing anything and we move in TWO WEEKS
Me: But we agreed to do this one week before we move, you electedto jump the gun, if you are annoyed right now, this is because you made an executive decision that overruled our plan. Do not be made at me, for I do not deserve it.
Her: WHATEVER!!


She also knows I refuse to lie to her, this means she'll ask me questions she doesn't like the answer to:

Her: So I was thinking....
Me: *quiet full body shudder, anxiety from impending conversation that won't be needed*   *gulp*  Yeah?
Her: Well, I would like my own office, I know you have your own office and that's great, but you need that space for you. I need space for me. I think we should move.
Me: Let's switch. You can have the office, you would use it more than I.
Her: That won't do, you need that space."
Me: I'm telling you, if you need more space, I do not, you should take the office.
Her: No, no, you need it more.
Me: If avoiding a conversation about moving can be headed off simply by letting you use the office, it's win/win. You get the space you need, we save money from moving. We've only been in this (awesome and affordable) place for a year now.
Her: No, that won't work.
Me: Why not?
Her: I... I don't know. It just won't.

She goes off grumpy, I feel like punching myself because now we're both annoyed, and the conversation could have been avoided.

So many more, I see my brothers in this thread have much of the same strife. And drama. I don't need more drama in my life, if I did, I'd take a hostage at a bank.
 
2013-02-20 06:58:45 PM

badgerb: OgreMagi: badgerb: Acharne: I love this thread. I am sorely tempted to show it to my girlfriend but I don't think she'll understand why. For me, it'd be about empathy, for her, it'd be able re-inforcing stereotypes and disrespecting her.

Dude go alpha.
OgreMagi: Pilikia: noitsnot: I have one!  It's called "the Dinner Game":

M: Where do you want to eat?
F: I don't know...
M: How about Jimmies?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Lobster Pile?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Steak and Poop?
F: No...
M: Well, where would YOU like to go?
F: I don't know...
M: OK, how about Miles O' Bacon?
F: No...
M: OK, how about Cheese Weasel?
F: No...
M: Well, I guess we could stay in then.
F: BUT YOU SAID WE WERE GOING OUUUUUUT!

SO MUCH THIS

Once my wife did this.  I walked out, got in the car, went to In-n-Out, had a nice burger, fries, and coke, then drove home.  She asked me where the hell I went.  I told her I had dinner.  So I didn't get any sex that night.  Nor any for the next week.

I am no longer married.

You lucky barstad!!!
Wish I had thought of that.

Going to In-N-Out or getting divorced?

Depends on how much alimony he had to pay.
Having said that it sounds like getting away from this biatch was worth it at any price.
I do like an In-N-Out burger every once in awhile though.


Zero alimony, but a shiat-ton of debt.
 
2013-02-20 07:00:54 PM
I glanced over the responses and I didn't see: Henry Phillips- She's Talking Again
 
2013-02-20 07:02:22 PM

WhippingBoy: Bronzemom: Bull manure.  Look how many words you knuckleheads use to claim women talk too much.
enough said

Uh-oh... someone's feeling a wee bit defensive, aren't they?


It's hilarious because it's true.  You guys are going on about women.....like a bunch of women.
 
2013-02-20 07:02:46 PM

silly season: I glanced over the responses and I didn't see: Henry Phillips- She's Talking Again


That's the first thing that came to my mind!
 
2013-02-20 07:03:55 PM

Buffet: silly season: I glanced over the responses and I didn't see: Henry Phillips- She's Talking Again

That's the first thing that came to my mind!


You missed it, the full lyrics were posted.
 
2013-02-20 07:05:41 PM

Diogenes: Evolutionary specialization artifacts.

Primitive men used to leave the family and their settlements to go on hunts.   Sometimes they'd be long, and they had to develop the ability to orient themselves and identify signs and landmarks to find their way around and get back home.  Not much verbalization required, but men developed better spatial skills and sense of direction.

Primitive women bore and raised children.  They developer keener interpersonal intuition.  They had to understand the non verbal clues coming from infants.  They also spent more time in the settlements dealing with others, sometimes having to communicate in pre-lingual ways.  They developed more complex language skills.


I don't get why you tossed in "non-verbal language" when this is specifically about verbal language.

In fact, there are people that have disorders that make them good at verbal communication but neurologically deficient with non-verbal and vice versa.

Jumping to conclusions the way you do, you'd be a great at being one of those terrible science journalists!

Theaetetus may be able to get you straitened out.

Theaetetus: Or, specifically in this article:
1. The average woman talks more than the average man.
2. Male rat pups cry more than female rat pups, and they have twice as much of the protein FOXP2.
3. In a study of 10 human children, the females had more of the FOXP2 protein than the males.

... which is translated as "we discovered the protein that causes adult women to talk more!"

 
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