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(CBS Houston)   Sheriff: "People spontaneously combust all the time. It's just not widely reported"   (houston.cbslocal.com) divider line 81
    More: Unlikely, sheriffs  
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6595 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Feb 2013 at 4:44 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-20 07:00:18 AM  
The Sheriff didn't say that you asshole
 
2013-02-20 07:18:56 AM  

LavenderWolf: xria: phrawgh: Are you stating, here on a public forum, that Mr. Leonard Nimoy, past or present, is in any way party to a lie or half truth?

He used to pretend he was a half-alien traveling on a space ship every week on TV, so he is definitely a serial liar.

Can you give an example of a parallel liar?


George Carlin... "Did you pack your bags yourself? No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night. Fixed me a lovely lobster newburg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way around the world and then they packed my bags. Next question." I count at least 8 simultaneous lies all told in parallel...
 
2013-02-20 07:31:27 AM  
 
2013-02-20 07:32:28 AM  
People do not spontaneously combust.

Cows, on the other hand, are a different story. As anyone who has ever been near a pasture can attest, cows are notoriously flatulent creatures. All it takes is a bit of metal in their feed to spark together inside their complex gastrointestinal tracts to set off their vast storehouse of methane gas with the full explosive force of 50 pounds of TNT.

The Great Chicago Fire? There was no lamp. Mrs. O'Leary's cow was having a particularly farty day and her feed was a bit too rich in iron and that was the end of three square miles of city and hundreds of innocent lives.

If we weren't all here to do our part to cull their population by eating steaks and slightly horsey beefburgers it would be like a smellier version of World War Three out there.
 
2013-02-20 07:36:32 AM  

LavenderWolf: Obese people burn just like whale oil.


This is why we need a  fat whale oil tax
www.funsponge.net
 
2013-02-20 07:56:04 AM  
I remember a case like this in Chicago years ago.  A burning person on the sidewalk and the media went nuts about spontaneous combustion because there was absolutely nothing else that could have caused it.

/Except for the gasoline
//And the matches
 
2013-02-20 07:56:16 AM  

abhorrent1: The Sheriff didn't say that you asshole


Wrong.  You can't get more wrong.  How much more wrong could you be?  None more wrong is the answer.
 
2013-02-20 07:59:40 AM  

MythDragon: LavenderWolf: Obese people burn just like whale oil.

This is why we need a  fat whale oil tax
[www.funsponge.net image 620x348]


Whale oil beef hooked.
 
2013-02-20 08:01:26 AM  

Point02GPA: LavenderWolf: Yogimus: vossiewulf: Authorities say the man had a history of heavy drinking and smoking.

"Spontaneous" human combustion always involves someone blacked out from alcohol/drugs and a cigarette and there is nothing spontaneous about it. As mentioned, people will in fact go up like torches (you do know you're carrying around pounds of cooking oil with you don't you?) and can then burn out quickly leaving little around them damaged.

^ people actually believe this

Obese people burn just like whale oil.

Put the obese old ones on top of the pile for maximum effect.


YOu were never a Boy Sprout wuz ya?
 
2013-02-20 08:19:40 AM  

publikenemy: Pardon me while I burst


Intoooo flames


I guess the guy just needed a welcome vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth.
 
2013-02-20 08:21:37 AM  
Well, "spontaneous" combustion in the same sense as "accidental" discharge of a firearm is known to happen, sure.  But that sense involves a lot of sarcasm quotes and the actual word you're looking for is "negligent".

Negligent human combustion, resulting from the dumbass doing something farking stupid that lights him on fire without him being aware of the possibility until he's already aflame.

//Most "spontaneous combustion" is ignited by a cigarette, and accelerated by alcohol or gas, for instance.
 
2013-02-20 08:38:56 AM  
Can you give an example of a parallel liar?

Congress.
 
2013-02-20 09:21:05 AM  
It's true. I spotaneously combusted last night and nobdoy called the media.

/got better
 
2013-02-20 09:25:09 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Well, "spontaneous" combustion in the same sense as "accidental" discharge of a firearm is known to happen, sure.  But that sense involves a lot of sarcasm quotes and the actual word you're looking for is "negligent".

Negligent human combustion, resulting from the dumbass doing something farking stupid that lights him on fire without him being aware of the possibility until he's already aflame.

//Most "spontaneous combustion" is ignited by a cigarette, and accelerated by alcohol or gas, for instance.


All accounts are similar in nature: highly intoxicated or unconscious near an open fire source (lit cigarette burning their highly flammable clothing or a fireplace with popping embers), overweight victim that leaves strange oily substance on the chair they were sitting on (melted fat) by a small fire that rarely goes beyond the victim or what they were sitting on. Basically, a rare situation that leaves them cooked alive due to their own stupidity. There was a really good PBS investigation about five years ago where they even tested the possibility of that situation occurring using the same materials they were finding in common between the cases, and it was easier then even they suspected.
 
2013-02-20 09:38:25 AM  
The comments in TFA are priceless.
 
2013-02-20 09:45:31 AM  
latimesblogs.latimes.com


"People spontaneously combust  Cows turn themselves inside out all the time"
 
2013-02-20 09:52:40 AM  
It wasn't widely known, but Miss Havisham was a heavy drinker and smoker, also.
 
2013-02-20 10:17:42 AM  

99.998er: It wasn't widely known, but Miss Havisham was a heavy drinker and smoker, also.


Great look, good drummer
 
2013-02-20 10:23:56 AM  

AcesFull: im widin' in my caw.....


 Did not expect that reference, nice one.

/oooooh-ooooooh...fiiyaahh
 
2013-02-20 10:39:55 AM  
I saw this on TV.
 
2013-02-20 10:59:36 AM  
the Paw Paw Negro Blowtorch begs to  differ
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paw_Paw_Negro_Blowtorch

Paging Dr. Eno, Dr. Eno to the ER stat
 
2013-02-20 11:34:55 AM  
"What would happen if you melted? You know, you never really hear this talked about much, but spontaneous combustion? It exists! [People] burn from within... sometimes they'll be in a wooden chair and the chair won't burn, but there'll be nothing left of the person. Except sometimes his teeth. Or the heart. No one speaks about this, but its for real."

static.guim.co.uk
 
kgf
2013-02-20 12:35:38 PM  

Sub Human: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Sometimes people just explode.  Natural causes.

[i14.photobucket.com image 310x163]

Bravo Citizen.


Thank you.  Came here looking for this.  It's like when you're thinking about a plate of shrimp, and suddenly somebody says plate, or shrimp.  Aint no reason.  Aint no use looking for one.
 
2013-02-20 12:54:41 PM  
First thought: "Do people ever spontaneously combust?" / "Umm, not that I know of..." / *POW!* / "Did I fool you?" / "If you're looking for ways to make yourself useful, I have a few ideas. [paraphrase]"

Second thought: "And as the screaming fire-engine sirens filled the air, the evidence had vanished from my charred and smoking chair..."
 
2013-02-20 02:06:30 PM  

Alex Broughton Butt Chugger: Teriaki: LavenderWolf: LavenderWolf: redheededstepchild: Weirdnessn abounds. There were two suspisous suicides in that area in the last few months. One girl "killed herself" tied to a chair. Or at least the rumor mill is getting morbid.

If I were to ever off myself, without just taking the fun way out of a plane and ditching the parachute, I'd make it look like murder.

Hot air balloon held in teeth while you handcuff yourself behind your back to a chair, hot air balloon rising triggers a rigged pistol to fire, then carries the whole rig thousands of feet up, and away.

Voila, suicide by gunshot to the back of the head while handcuffed to a chair. Doing it tied would just present another difficulty level...

Err, that should be helium balloon. I'm farking tired.

And morbid.

And ripping off a csi plot.


Is it? I don't watch procedural police dramas. Well, unless you count Dexter.
 
2013-02-20 02:07:47 PM  

RobSeace: LavenderWolf: xria: phrawgh: Are you stating, here on a public forum, that Mr. Leonard Nimoy, past or present, is in any way party to a lie or half truth?

He used to pretend he was a half-alien traveling on a space ship every week on TV, so he is definitely a serial liar.

Can you give an example of a parallel liar?

George Carlin... "Did you pack your bags yourself? No, Carrot Top packed my bags. He and Martha Stewart and Florence Henderson came over to the house last night. Fixed me a lovely lobster newburg, gave me a full body massage with sacred oils from India, performed a four-way around the world and then they packed my bags. Next question." I count at least 8 simultaneous lies all told in parallel...


Amazing, I wonder what his total LPS throughput is. (Lies Per Second)
 
2013-02-20 02:41:41 PM  
What's he smoking?
 
2013-02-20 02:50:49 PM  

LavenderWolf: Alex Broughton Butt Chugger: Teriaki: LavenderWolf: LavenderWolf: redheededstepchild: Weirdnessn abounds. There were two suspisous suicides in that area in the last few months. One girl "killed herself" tied to a chair. Or at least the rumor mill is getting morbid.

If I were to ever off myself, without just taking the fun way out of a plane and ditching the parachute, I'd make it look like murder.

Hot air balloon held in teeth while you handcuff yourself behind your back to a chair, hot air balloon rising triggers a rigged pistol to fire, then carries the whole rig thousands of feet up, and away.

Voila, suicide by gunshot to the back of the head while handcuffed to a chair. Doing it tied would just present another difficulty level...

Err, that should be helium balloon. I'm farking tired.

And morbid.

And ripping off a csi plot.

Is it? I don't watch procedural police dramas. Well, unless you count Dexter.


Yep, I remember that episode... And, it looks like someone has gone and copied it for real, too...
 
2013-02-20 05:20:48 PM  

reillan: publikenemy: Pardon me while I burst


Intoooo flames

I guess the guy just needed a welcome vacation from the burdens of the planet Earth.





Phew..glad I checked back in on this thread. My faith in Fark continues unabated.

Took long enough though
 
2013-02-21 01:07:05 AM  
Vague disappointment in only 3 total spinal tap refs.
 
2013-02-21 07:26:53 AM  
i64.photobucket.com

because sometimes their brains and sex organs are made of M80's
 
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