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(Kotaku)   Anti-Aquaman rant to end all anti-Aquaman rants: "They [mortals] don't wish to be able to swim at 100 miles per hour, because that's not fighting crime, that's exercising, really really hard"   (kotaku.com) divider line 81
    More: Amusing, Aquaman, fighting crime, Sub-Mariner, bigotry  
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4141 clicks; posted to Geek » on 19 Feb 2013 at 8:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-20 05:33:24 AM  

Hebalo: Geoff Johns' ego has grown to epic proportions. He's decided that since Rebirth went so well, he can make any DC character awesome again. Except he's choosing characters like Aquaman, Hawkman, crap like that. No one cares about those characters, for good reason. You can hip Aquaman up as much as you like, he still sucks ass.


Even worse is the fact that people are only reading because of the "Geoff Johns" name (even though it has become the mark of crap). Once he leaves, the books sink like stones.

JSA, Hawkman, Flash... Green Lantern will be next, and then Aquaman.

Of course, the problem there is that it seems like DC won't put anyone decent on a book following Johns, probably because they don't want to show everyone the emperor has no pants and the boss's writing sucks.
 
2013-02-20 06:02:51 AM  
http://www.fark.com/comments/7601526/82614854#c82614854" target=_blank>HeartBurnKid: FuryOfFirestorm: Aquaman has banged her:

[images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 385x537]

and her:

[images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 184x185]

Namor had intercourse with this:

[encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com image 182x277]

Winner: Aquaman

In fairness, Namor also hit this:

[www.littlestuffedbull.com image 580x708]


Namor has never actually got it on with Sue Richards.

See Namor is as gay as any guy who waxes his chest and wears speedos away from the water, but when he started hanging around with the Avengers he claimed to be straight. So one day Tony Stark, being the unpleasant abusive drunk he is, asks "So, how come we never actually see you with a woman?"...
 
2013-02-20 06:29:24 AM  

Hobodeluxe: Bloody William: the opposite of charity is justice: I find it interesting that Namor is perceived as being somewhat of a decent character while Aquaman is considered a Z-lister.  Whats the diff?  Is it nothing more than Namor has one additional ability, flight (while lacking the telepathic control shtick)?

Does Aquaman simply need to be better portrayed that he is as strong and as tough as he is when a small number of writers remember it?

It helps that Namor is a total asshole who clearly bangs Susan Storm every time Reed Richards isn't looking. Because let's face it, Reed Richards is useless. Namor's the amazing Bro-Mariner.

Reed has a penis that can be as big as it needs to be. Why would Sue want someone who smells like tuna?


Reed Richards is actually the shiat.

Go read some Johnathan Hickman Fantastic Four and we'll talk.
 
2013-02-20 07:28:44 AM  

the opposite of charity is justice: I find it interesting that Namor is perceived as being somewhat of a decent character while Aquaman is considered a Z-lister.  Whats the diff?  Is it nothing more than Namor has one additional ability, flight (while lacking the telepathic control shtick)?

Does Aquaman simply need to be better portrayed that he is as strong and as tough as he is when a small number of writers remember it?


I think it was best put by Chris Sims; Why Namor > Aquaman
Namor has a personality that you can describe without ever mentioning that he's a fish-man with wings on his ankles. He's a king and he acts like it, he's got this arrogance and swagger that make him fun to read about. He's a guy who will show up to fight a monster with the Hulk and Dr. Strange, but also might roll up into New York, punch the Thing through a wall, try to f**k somebody's wife, and then act like you're the dick when you call him on it.
 
2013-02-20 07:53:51 AM  

Iczer: Hobodeluxe: Aquaman is a badass. yeah go ahead and laugh. but when he takes out your navy, your fishing boats ,your freight vessels  and your oil rigs you won't be laughing.

[comicdomwrecks.files.wordpress.com image 512x618]

All well and good on a country with coastline, but let's see him try to do damage to Germany.


Every human on the face of the planet is susceptible to Aquaman's fury (and terrible one-liners).

I can locate your brain's Basal Ganglia...
...and, just for starters, I can give you a seizure.

/The following one-liner is still awful.
//At least he acknowledges it is terrible.
///fark the SuperFriends cartoon.
 
2013-02-20 08:07:21 AM  

Bloody William: Reed also has the sex drive of Stephen Hawking. Not exactly the most attentive husband.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/02/28/stephen-hawking-said-to-fre qu ent-sex-club_n_1307625.html

/Just saying...
 
2013-02-20 08:12:11 AM  

CSM101: The Man Who Laughs: I kinda liked the mid-90s Aquaman.  Not enough to buy his books, but I didn't biatch when he showed up in JLA.

But I also thought Kyle Rayner was cool, so I'm in the minority I think.

Kyle may have been cool, but his girlfriend was cooler.

/yes, I went there


www.overthinkingit.com

/Icey what you did there...
 
2013-02-20 08:16:34 AM  

randomjsa: FreetardoRivera: Also, Namor was always a badass and was always crazy strong.

That is the key difference.

Virtually all DC characters used to be significantly less powerful than they are right now but comic books are kind of bad about "how powerful is this character?" being wildly inconsistent from book to book anyway.


I thought most DC characters used to be much more powerful (esp Superman/Wonder Woman) back in the day and were depowered into the modern age. I know that most Marvel characters have become more powerful, especially Wolverine and most of the X-Men with secondary mutations and whatnot.
 
2013-02-20 08:30:49 AM  
Hey awesome, got any "Batman's a homosexual" humor or maybe some hilariously bad record album covers to share? How about that Rob Liefield? Sure can't draw well I'll tell you that!
 
2013-02-20 08:42:08 AM  

shabu: CSM101: The Man Who Laughs: I kinda liked the mid-90s Aquaman.  Not enough to buy his books, but I didn't biatch when he showed up in JLA.

But I also thought Kyle Rayner was cool, so I'm in the minority I think.

Kyle may have been cool, but his girlfriend was cooler.

/yes, I went there

[www.overthinkingit.com image 280x277]

/Icey what you did there...


Ah, the comics code...

The Code forced DC to re-draw that panel. Originally, it was just a full shot of Alex stuffed in the fridge. The way it was re-drawn makes it seems like Major Force dismembered her first.
 
2013-02-20 08:46:03 AM  

MagSeven: I thought most DC characters used to be much more powerful (esp Superman/Wonder Woman) back in the day and were depowered into the modern age. I know that most Marvel characters have become more powerful, especially Wolverine and most of the X-Men with secondary mutations and whatnot.


It's very much a running problem with X-Men as well, but most of the Marvel properties are better at keeping things consistent; when they run out of ideas, they'll usually finish the run and focus on something else.  I mean, this is a general trend and not a hard-and-fast rule, but typically it's a bigger issue for DC properties than Marvel, Marvel just has the usual "according to the writer" nonsense once a character's had eight or nine.

The Ur-example of stupid power escalation would be Superman, especially silver-age Superman.  Started out as a guy with an exceptionally good bench-press, right-hook, and standing long-jump.  Now even the writers that  depower him give him levitation, magical force-fields, and farking eye-lasers.  The ones that care a bit less give him an army of robot drones, the ability to go back in time by flying really fast, and so on, to the point that even the people  trying to keep track of all the shiat he can do don't usually know anymore.

The other big example is the other big DC character: Batman has gone from 'clever, but crazy guy that knows kung-fu and has a utility belt' to making his crazy serve him so that he's immune to time-travel paradox and his utility belt being a magic box that always gives him some physically impossible technology ideally suited to whatever he just learned he needed to do ten seconds ago.

Basically the only person that doesn't suffer from power-creep in comics at all is John Constantine, he doesn't even have the usual comic book immortality and is 40 years older than he was in issues published 40 years ago.

//The Punisher channels the literal power of god, the Hulk can think and rage at the same time and was a green professor for a while, etc.  A lot of writers don't actually understand what character is and how to develop it, and just tack on more gizmos, basically.
 
2013-02-20 08:50:15 AM  
Jim_Callahan:

Basically the only person that doesn't suffer from power-creep in comics at all is John Constantine, he doesn't even have the usual comic book immortality and is 40 years older than he was in issues published 40 years ago.

Ah, but that was when he was still a Vertigo character.

Now that the Vertigo book has been canceled and Constantine is being reintroduced as a straight DC Nuniverse character, I'm betting he'll be closer to Keanu Reeves than Sting.

/and probably rastafied by 10%.
 
2013-02-20 09:14:30 AM  
Sometimes Aquaman is awesome
 
2013-02-20 09:19:33 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: Jim_Callahan:

Basically the only person that doesn't suffer from power-creep in comics at all is John Constantine, he doesn't even have the usual comic book immortality and is 40 years older than he was in issues published 40 years ago.

Ah, but that was when he was still a Vertigo character.

Now that the Vertigo book has been canceled and Constantine is being reintroduced as a straight DC Nuniverse character, I'm betting he'll be closer to Keanu Reeves than Sting.

/and probably rastafied by 10%.


I haven't read any of the Justice League Dark stuff (really sounds like it should be a beverage), but I always imagine it's going to be a hair's breadth away from that issue of Doom Patrol with the elsewhere in which John Constantine is "The Hellblazer!", all big red cape and muscles.

Also, John Constantine's only been apearing for around what, 27 years? He started in Moore's Swamp Thing, so he's pushing 60 by now.
 
2013-02-20 10:24:33 AM  
Bloody William:
It helps that Namor is a total asshole who clearly bangs Susan Storm every time Reed Richards isn't looking. Because let's face it, Reed Richards is useless. Namor's the amazing Bro-Mariner.

Reed Richards?  Mr. Fantastic?   Mr 10000000 sex toys at once?    Can penetrate an entire city block simultaneously unassisted?      Susan chooses Reed every time.    How could she not?    And yes, every girl is and should be jealous.   Susan laughs at porn because "that's supposed to be big?"

Namor is lucky Richards is a one woman man or all the women of Atlantis would be worshiping at his feet.
 
2013-02-20 10:58:57 AM  
I think the reason Aquaman is taken less seriously than Namor is because of the costume and the color scheme.

Namor is running around in either briefs alone, or skin-tight leggings. No shirt. No shoes. He's buff and shows it off.

Aquaman is traditionally shown wearing orange scale mail and green leggings, with green gloves.

1. Why would a man who spends most of his time in the water want or need scale armor?
2. Why would a man with steel-hard skin need scale armor?
3. Why would a man who spends most of his time in the water want gloves?

Sure, they changed it up a bit. For a while he was wearing bracers, no shirt, and the green leggings. That didn't last. It helped a little, but it didn't last.

The color scheme is a mess, too. Orange and green? Those are villain colors! If you know anything about comic books and the color rules, blue, red and yellow were hero colors (the primary colors), while villains wore combos of those colors, namely purple, green and orange. Black could go either way. Usually villains, but some heroes had black with a significant blue hightlights (For example, Spider-Man's original costume was meant to be black & red, not blue & red. The blue highlights eventually overpowered the black, and so it became blue & red).

Some exceptions applied- Most notably the Hulk's green & purple- but the Hulk was an anti-hero, at best. Aquaman, though, was supposed to be a straight-up hero. No ambiguity here. And they picked orange and green.

And that's not even addressing the fact that orange and green look awful together in clothing. It's fine if you're a carrot, but King of Atlantis?

Clearly, they originally meant for Aquaman's orange sections to be more like copper or bronze, but the color process of the day, and the inkers working on Aquaman, failed to convey that image. So metallic copper or bronze turned into shoddy-looking, gaudy orange. And then it stayed that way forever.

Aquaman needs a makeover. A major one.

First of all, DC needs to abandon the color scheme completely. Drop the green. Drop the orange.

Second, they need to think about his needs. Why would the King of Atlantis need to wear clothing that covers him from head to toe? Water is his native domain. He shouldn't need a wetsuit.

Namor's swim trunks are there for modesty alone, and knowing Namor, he had to be told to cover that thing up because it would scare the surface-dwellers.

So we change Aquaman's colors to black and grey.
We remove his shirt. He doesn't need it.
We remove his foot coverings. He doesn't need them.
We remove his gloves and bracers. He doesn't need them.
We give him a tattoo that covers his back. Something regal and powerful-looking.
We return him to the long hair, but throw some streaks of white in it.
No facial hair is necessary, unless we want to portray him as older.
We give up on trying to associate Arthur with King Arthur of Camelot. It's a stupid association.
We give him either trunks or leggings with a pattern, in black and grey.
We remove the stupid "A" belt.
We give him chest hair. He's a natural man. Not a bodybuilder. Not Austin Powers, but not shaved.
He keeps both hands. Giving him a harpoon hand is not cool. It's stupid.
He wears symbols of office. He IS a King. He wears a circlet (not a crown!) and a couple manly rings.
We continue to make him buff. He's super-strong, after all.

There. Vast improvement. Maybe I'll PS an image just to show what I'm thinking.

Writers must emphasize his durability, strength and speed. Show that he's able to take a punch from Superman, some time. Show that he is more than capable when he's away from water. Show that he can pick up an oil tanker and throw it onto land.

And honestly, consider giving him a land-based transportation ability. Why can't he get his hands on a Legion flight ring or some similar toy? He could explain that it's not as fast as he can be when he's in the water, but it works better than running when he's nowhere near water.

Also, no f'ing trident. That's lame. He's not Neptune.
 
2013-02-20 11:23:33 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: Jim_Callahan:

Basically the only person that doesn't suffer from power-creep in comics at all is John Constantine, he doesn't even have the usual comic book immortality and is 40 years older than he was in issues published 40 years ago.

Ah, but that was when he was still a Vertigo character.

Now that the Vertigo book has been canceled and Constantine is being reintroduced as a straight DC Nuniverse character, I'm betting he'll be closer to Keanu Reeves than Sting.

/and probably rastafied by 10%.


But can he get biz-zay?
 
2013-02-20 11:48:30 AM  
Kotaku is the worst superhero.
 
2013-02-20 12:18:01 PM  

spyderqueen: the opposite of charity is justice: I find it interesting that Namor is perceived as being somewhat of a decent character while Aquaman is considered a Z-lister.  Whats the diff?  Is it nothing more than Namor has one additional ability, flight (while lacking the telepathic control shtick)?

Does Aquaman simply need to be better portrayed that he is as strong and as tough as he is when a small number of writers remember it?

I think it was best put by Chris Sims; Why Namor > Aquaman
Namor has a personality that you can describe without ever mentioning that he's a fish-man with wings on his ankles. He's a king and he acts like it, he's got this arrogance and swagger that make him fun to read about. He's a guy who will show up to fight a monster with the Hulk and Dr. Strange, but also might roll up into New York, punch the Thing through a wall, try to f**k somebody's wife, and then act like you're the dick when you call him on it.


That is an awesome description
 
2013-02-20 12:49:59 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Aquaman has banged her:


img801.imageshack.us
 
2013-02-20 12:58:36 PM  

Bloody William: Namor the Sub-Mariner is better. He's like Aquaman, but powered by douchebaggery and rape.


Try as I might, I just can't get over Namor's little feet wings.
 
2013-02-20 01:32:01 PM  

Trocadero: CSM101: The Man Who Laughs: I kinda liked the mid-90s Aquaman.  Not enough to buy his books, but I didn't biatch when he showed up in JLA.

But I also thought Kyle Rayner was cool, so I'm in the minority I think.

Kyle may have been cool, but his girlfriend was cooler.

/yes, I went there


(ohyou.jpg)
 
2013-02-20 01:36:08 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: Hebalo: Geoff Johns' ego has grown to epic proportions. He's decided that since Rebirth went so well, he can make any DC character awesome again. Except he's choosing characters like Aquaman, Hawkman, crap like that. No one cares about those characters, for good reason. You can hip Aquaman up as much as you like, he still sucks ass.

Even worse is the fact that people are only reading because of the "Geoff Johns" name (even though it has become the mark of crap). Once he leaves, the books sink like stones.

JSA, Hawkman, Flash... Green Lantern will be next, and then Aquaman.


See Grant Morrison; I would say Bendis, but a lot of the books he used to write on have done ok after he's left.

Of course, the problem there is that it seems like DC won't put anyone decent on a book following Johns, probably because they don't want to show everyone the emperor has no pants and the boss's writing sucks.

That's pretty much a bad recipe of screwing up your own business model.
 
2013-02-20 01:38:53 PM  

FirstNationalBastard: shabu: CSM101: The Man Who Laughs: I kinda liked the mid-90s Aquaman.  Not enough to buy his books, but I didn't biatch when he showed up in JLA.

But I also thought Kyle Rayner was cool, so I'm in the minority I think.

Kyle may have been cool, but his girlfriend was cooler.

/yes, I went there

[www.overthinkingit.com image 280x277]

/Icey what you did there...

Ah, the comics code...

The Code forced DC to re-draw that panel. Originally, it was just a full shot of Alex stuffed in the fridge. The way it was re-drawn makes it seems like Major Force dismembered her first.


Wow, really?  I thought Marvel pretty much told the Code to GFY after the Spider-Man drug issue years ago.
 
2013-02-20 01:50:20 PM  

Rwa2play: FirstNationalBastard: shabu: CSM101: The Man Who Laughs: I kinda liked the mid-90s Aquaman.  Not enough to buy his books, but I didn't biatch when he showed up in JLA.

But I also thought Kyle Rayner was cool, so I'm in the minority I think.

Kyle may have been cool, but his girlfriend was cooler.

/yes, I went there

[www.overthinkingit.com image 280x277]

/Icey what you did there...

Ah, the comics code...

The Code forced DC to re-draw that panel. Originally, it was just a full shot of Alex stuffed in the fridge. The way it was re-drawn makes it seems like Major Force dismembered her first.

Wow, really?  I thought Marvel pretty much told the Code to GFY after the Spider-Man drug issue years ago.


No, the Code was still in use by both companies until the early-2000s. Marvel didn't tell them to fark off and institute a ratings system until well after Quesada took over.

Hell, DC didn't officially drop the code for some books until sometime in the last 5 years.
 
2013-02-20 02:13:58 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: FuryOfFirestorm: Aquaman has banged her:

[img801.imageshack.us image 711x648]


I'd deep sea dive it
 
2013-02-20 02:38:45 PM  
imageshack.us
 
2013-02-20 05:07:44 PM  
 
2013-02-20 07:13:40 PM  

The Bunyip: Seanbaby did it first

http://www.seanbaby.com/superfriends/aquaman.htm


This bit appeared earlier, on MTV's The State in 1994, sandwiched between Nude Battleship and Eating Muppet.
 
2013-02-20 09:17:08 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-21 12:14:46 PM  
FuryOfFirestorm: Aquaman has banged her:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
and her:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net
Namor had intercourse with this:
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
Winner: Aquaman


I remember that, Namor basically said that he would bang any female regardless of species, as long as she was of royal blood.
 
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