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(WPXI.com)   We're about to find out if three misdemeanor wedgie offenses equals a felony   (wpxi.com) divider line 1
    More: Misc, Sandy Hook Elementary School, misdemeanors, felony, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review  
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4895 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Feb 2013 at 4:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-19 04:20:15 PM  
4 votes:
I wear European swimming trunks when I go sailing.  Last summer, I was out by myself on the open water.  I slipped while pulling in the rigging, fell over the side, and caught the back of my trunks on the side of the boat.  The swimsuit stretched as it tore into my asshole.  Blood ran down my legs in rivulets.  I felt like someone was pounding my balls up inside my body.  I kept spontaneously throwing up all over myself.  I was stuck and couldn't get free.

It's a good twenty feet down to the water from where I hung.  Well, at first anyway.  By the time I got through the rough seas overnight, my toes were dipping into the cold ocean.  The swimsuit was touching something on my insides, like my liver or some other vital organ.  The blood had attracted sharks and other sea life.  I had to kick at them each time the boat went down.  This drove the material even further up my ass.  I felt as though I was being raped by a thousand horny nightmares.

At dawn on the third day, I awoke to find the boat beached.  Overweight men in Hawaiian shirts with their lumps of wives were pointing up at me, laughing.  When they finally cut me down, I couldn't stand on my own anymore.  I've not been able to walk since.  And it's impossible to find jeans with an 84 inch inseam.  I wish I'd died.
 
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