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(Mother Nature Network)   "Do you want to take a ride in my new car," "Do I have to be at work every day," "Could I get a pay advance," and other questions you should never ask during a job interview   (mnn.com) divider line 44
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9740 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Feb 2013 at 9:46 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2013-02-19 09:59:58 AM
7 votes:
My greatest weakness?  I eat a lot of beans but most of the fart sounds come from my vagina.  So I guess it would have to be my vagina muscles.  The ass lips are like brand new, though.  I spent a fortune down there.
2013-02-19 08:53:26 AM
7 votes:
*points to a picture on the interviewers desk* Who's the coont?
Pud [TotalFark]
2013-02-19 09:47:12 AM
6 votes:
Is that a picture of your daughter? Huh, so that's what she looks like with clothes on.
2013-02-19 09:52:58 AM
5 votes:
True story:

Job candidate on the morning of his interview:  "Something happened last night, and now I'm in jail.  I'll be late for the interview."
2013-02-19 10:37:36 AM
4 votes:

CtrlAltDestroy: The current 30-50 somethings don't get to biatch about the current teen and 20 somethings. You and your peers raised them.


*I* didn't raise them. I was at the bar most of the time. Blame their mothers.
2013-02-19 12:16:11 PM
3 votes:
As a straight, white man, the best interviews are, of course, with other straight white men.
The receptionist leads you into the interview room and says "Mr. White, you're 10:00 interview is here". He'll look up, and instantly you'll see the sparkle in his eyes.
As soon as the door is closed, he breaks out the bourbon, and you spend the rest of the "interview" talking about golf or how much you'd both love to bang the receptionist.
Once in a while, you'll talk about work-related stuff (like how he'll get Rajinder or Denise to do all the crap jobs, or how Monday mornings [hangover] and Friday afternoons [happy hour at the titty bar] will be spent in special, offsite "training" sessions).
2013-02-19 11:47:32 AM
3 votes:
"Never mind these questions.  Your secretary is HOT!!!"
"Can I have that lamp?"
"Do you have a business card?  I need something to spit my gum in."
"Is there a bathroom around here?  ...Oops.  Too late."
2013-02-19 10:29:19 AM
3 votes:
Does this look infected?
2013-02-19 10:22:17 AM
3 votes:

Invisible Dynamite Monkey: Rickenbacker: Not at all surprised someone asked about having to work every day.  It's amazing the young ones I see who come in and want to dictate what hours they will work during the interview.

Not a millennial here but I'm not going to work at a company that doesn't give me flexible hours. Not spending an extra hour a day in my car so I can be at work at a certain time. I'm either in early and out early or in late and out late. I have better things to do. Sometimes that includes learning things for my profession in my free time. I also know there's always someone else who will be flexible for me.

/jobs that have been flexible with my time, I've been flexible with their time.


You're in luck! Wendy's offers "flexible hours for flexible people".
2013-02-19 11:31:14 AM
2 votes:

abigsmurf: doczoidberg: I remember when I was looking for a new job, I sent out so many resumes and applications that I couldn't even remember them all.

Once or twice, I got called to an interview not knowing what the hell the position even was.

I didn't get those jobs.

Something far worse: sent off loads of applications, got a call asking for me to come in to talk about a job. Got all nervous, prepared for the interview, suit dry cleaned etc.

Did a quick check of the business before I left so I knew what they did... It was an agency. They'd acted like it was an actual job interview just so they could get my name on their books. I was mildly vexed to say the least.


My coup de grace with a placement agency was finding out the cute little thing I was interviewing with was a bartender at a karaoke bar I got thrown out of in the city where I went to college.

She distinctly remembered the incident where some rotund woman pouring her heart out for a torch song and my measure of cheering after she finished was markedly over-exuberant and apparently made her cry.

I told the interviewer that she remembered more about the night than I did.

Had it been a real job interview I might have expressed some remorse.  But fark it....if they are going to allow people to sing "Landslide" and keep whiskey in the same place then they're just going to have to live with the results.  And as a bartender she's just as responsible as anyone else in the chain of shame.
2013-02-19 11:28:57 AM
2 votes:
We were interviewing a man from China regarding a software job here in the US.  He was not living in the area, so traveled to our city for the interview.  DURING the interview, he asked one of the interviewers that if he was offered the job, whether he could live with that person while he found a place to live.  Always a little awkward.
2013-02-19 10:38:01 AM
2 votes:

WhippingBoy: GalFriday: I just interviewed an idiot this morning that brought her dad with her to sit in on the interview.  I wouldn't let him and she almost cried.  She graduated college in 1998 so she is at least 30 years old. Then during the interview, she only gave one word answers and didn't ask any questions.

I am not hiring her.

Sounds like the poor girl had a debilitating mental illness and was trying her best.
At least you get to feel superior to her, and show the internet how cool you are.


Thanks for the armchair diagnosis, Doctor...(rolls eyes)
2013-02-19 10:37:33 AM
2 votes:
Other disastrous questions to ask during a job interview:

"I got fired for not making my sales goal at my previous job, does this disqualify me from consideration?"

"Are you a company that tells me I work weekdays only, but will you still ask me to come in for Saturday and Sunday work and late night meetings, even when you know I will have other plans?"

(Chick Fil-A Interview) "Is it alright that I'm Jewish?"

(Synagogue Volunteer Interview) "Is it alright that I'm Muslim?"

(Hot Topic Interview) "Well I'm not comfortable to come here and need to ask for a job, but I have to know first, is it too much to hope for that you get some *real* Goth music CDs on those shelves once in a while?!"

(Muslim School Interview) "So, have you accepted Christ as your lord and savior?"
2013-02-19 10:27:34 AM
2 votes:
Swastica Neck Tatoo McSaggy Pants:  "Yo, let me get a app-ication."

spork:  "Certainly.  Here's one for Taco Bell."

/true story
2013-02-19 10:24:23 AM
2 votes:

GalFriday: I just interviewed an idiot this morning that brought her dad with her to sit in on the interview.  I wouldn't let him and she almost cried.  She graduated college in 1998 so she is at least 30 years old. Then during the interview, she only gave one word answers and didn't ask any questions.

I am not hiring her.


You should hire her dad.
2013-02-19 10:13:50 AM
2 votes:
"does this smell like chloroform to you?"
2013-02-19 09:58:39 AM
2 votes:

brobdiggy: True story:

Job candidate on the morning of his interview:  "Something happened last night, and now I'm in jail.  I'll be late for the interview."


I'd hire him. I like employees with an edge.
2013-02-19 09:53:56 AM
2 votes:
redforded.com
2013-02-19 08:59:49 AM
2 votes:
Dont ask if pants are a requirement, you never get the answer you want.
2013-02-19 08:53:46 PM
1 votes:

nickerj1: It's obvious that article was written by a woman.


The big "Melissa" in the article headline next to a sketch of the author must have tipped you off, eh?
2013-02-19 07:18:29 PM
1 votes:
I got a job as a camp counselor after telling the director, upon being asked how I was with children, that I make them cry more often than they should.
2013-02-19 06:04:34 PM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: As a straight, white man, the best interviews are, of course, with other straight white men.
The receptionist leads you into the interview room and says "Mr. White, you're 10:00 interview is here". He'll look up, and instantly you'll see the sparkle in his eyes.
As soon as the door is closed, he breaks out the bourbon, and you spend the rest of the "interview" talking about golf or how much you'd both love to bang the receptionist.
Once in a while, you'll talk about work-related stuff (like how he'll get Rajinder or Denise to do all the crap jobs, or how Monday mornings [hangover] and Friday afternoons [happy hour at the titty bar] will be spent in special, offsite "training" sessions).


Bourbon?  I had to settle for cognac at my last interview.  The receptionist even made me wear a condom!

Things just aren't like they used to be.
2013-02-19 03:10:20 PM
1 votes:
Does this skirt make my dick look fat?
2013-02-19 02:02:54 PM
1 votes:

DarkSoulNoHope: WhippingBoy: Girion47: Mikey1969: 6. "Can I set my own hours?"

9. "Do I have to be at work every day?"

These aren't all that strange, when taken in the proper context... Many places are moving to at least a partial tele-commute schedule, and this falls right in line with that. The questions could have been worded better, but I would be surprised if these two questions aren't relatively common.

The last time I've been to my company's office was 13 months ago.  All of our work is done on the clients' sites and then the rest of the time we're doing database updating.

I've never seen my company's office, and have never met my boss in person.

Sounds like your boss is sitting in his dark office right now stroking a white cat.


At least we hope it's a cat. We can't see under his desk from here.
2013-02-19 01:17:16 PM
1 votes:

StrangeQ: WordyGrrl: abigsmurf:  Something far worse: sent off loads of applications, got a call asking for me to come in to talk about a job. Got all nervous, prepared for the interview, suit dry cleaned etc.

Did a quick check of the business before I left so I knew what they did... It was an agency. They'd acted like it was an actual job interview just so they could get my name on their books. I was mildly vexed to say the least.

I had the same thing happen, though I didn't find out it was a headhunter agency until I took the day off (without pay) from my temp job for the "interview." After about 30 minutes of "interview chit chat," the gal finally revealed that they were a headhunter agency and wanted to charge me $4,000 for them to find me a job. "Most young people just put it on their credit card," she said.

Wow.  I would have to resist the urge to ask how many people punch them in the face after making such an asinine proposal.



Next time someone says something like that, remind them they get paid by commission from where THEY place YOU.  Never EVER give someone money out of pocket to get you a job.


Here's another good horror story:
I interviewed up in New York City.  The company seemed pretty good, and all my interviews went well.  But I already had a pretty good job, and I wasn't desperate.  So I wasn't too thrilled - especially since I would HATE commuting to NYC.
But a couple of days later, they really started pushing for me to take the job.  "We'll give you more money.  We'll buy you a laptop.  We'll pay your travel expenses!!".
The vice president of the company even called me personally to really push the point.  So, after all, I gave in and accepted the job.
He sent me out the offer letter.  I was ready to sign it, send it back, and give notice at my current job.
Then the VP calls me and tells me that the board cut his budjet and he has to retract the offer!!

I was like, "WHAT?!? After all that?!"
2013-02-19 12:30:34 PM
1 votes:

abigsmurf: durbnpoisn: After having done a gazillion or so interviews over the past few years, I deffinitely can say what is wrong with the interview process and hiring proctices today...

1.  Too many people lie or exagerate on their resume.  This is a REAL problem.  Because it has gotten companies so untrusting that they will grill you uneccessarily hard to make sure you're not one of those liars.  I've actually had to sit there and write JavaScipt on a pad and paper, or PHP on a white board, and explain how the code works. (Seriously?!)

This isn't helped by insane shopping lists of skills that few people going after low level dev jobs would have (especially for web developers).

"looking for graduate web developer, must know HTML 5, CSS, JS, JQuery, Java, Flash, PHP, VB.net, perl, mysql, mssql, Linux, Windows server, Active Directory, our proprietary CMS. Must have 2 years professional experience"

Someone coming out of university may have half of those skills, a reasonably skilled one around 4/5th. Annoys the hell out of me.


I've seen resumes where people have claimed to have "20 years experience with C#".
2013-02-19 12:06:59 PM
1 votes:
It's funny, though - it's inappropriate to say, "I need to scratch my balls.", but when you go ahead and just do it without saying anything, they're just as offended.
2013-02-19 11:54:35 AM
1 votes:
I work for a software company. When I went to apply for the job, the whereabouts of the office was unknown. It still is, too. I was told to find the company's website. not an easy task. Then apply on line. One of the most poorly designed websites I finally found had me clicking everywhere. I discovered I would need to download a PDF, then fill it out, then return it via email. then wait. and they called like the next day and wanted me to come in an interview. then, and only then, was I given the location of the office. They don't like walk ins.
Been here almost 12 years. They gave me a DOS test, which I failed and said I wouldn't have been hired but because I worked at a deli counter for 12 years, they would hire me based on customer service skills.
I've seen the kind of customer service geeks give, and it's not nice. Me, I know what it feels like to be a n00b, so I'm patient. So here I site, hidden away in a secret location in between the DHS and the National Guard offices helping little old ladies with AOL accounts attach files and download forms and figure out the num lock keys. All in all, I'm glad I have a job that is moderately challenging, while letting me play white night all day.
Pretty good deal.
2013-02-19 11:20:42 AM
1 votes:

GalFriday: WhippingBoy: GalFriday: I just interviewed an idiot this morning that brought her dad with her to sit in on the interview.  I wouldn't let him and she almost cried.  She graduated college in 1998 so she is at least 30 years old. Then during the interview, she only gave one word answers and didn't ask any questions.

I am not hiring her.

Sounds like the poor girl had a debilitating mental illness and was trying her best.
At least you get to feel superior to her, and show the internet how cool you are.

Bring it on ITG!

What I had was a highly educated and well-trained serologist in front of me.  There was nothing mentally wrong with her other than her crippling immaturity.


A scientist lacking people skills?  UNPOSSIBLE!

Chances are, you either gave up an incredible asset to your team, or dodged a massive bullet.  I doubt there's much middle ground there.
2013-02-19 11:10:49 AM
1 votes:
Is it OK if I awkwardly  reach for my water during the interview?

wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
2013-02-19 11:00:34 AM
1 votes:
i2.ytimg.com

"Retainer"
2013-02-19 10:58:50 AM
1 votes:

GalFriday: I just interviewed an idiot this morning that brought her dad with her to sit in on the interview.  I wouldn't let him and she almost cried.  She graduated college in 1998 so she is at least 30 years old. Then during the interview, she only gave one word answers and didn't ask any questions.

I am not hiring her.


You did check he wasn't there because of health issues first right? If he was there acting as a helper, you'll have given her a pretty horrible experience.

"and she had this white cane and didn't remove her sunglasses to meet me! I kicked her right out into the street and she just started sobbing quietly! Serves her right for being so rude!"
2013-02-19 10:41:38 AM
1 votes:
This was asked of me once.

Applicant: 'if' I pass my drug test will I ever have to pass another one?
2013-02-19 10:32:18 AM
1 votes:

TheGogmagog: Sybarite: *points to a picture on the interviewers desk* Who's the coont?

Bonus if it's the HR person interviewing you?


Double bonus if it's a woman and you follow up with "So how does that work, like scissors or something?"
2013-02-19 10:29:44 AM
1 votes:

Mentat: Is masturbating in the restroom frowned upon?  What about after hours?


After hours, who says it;s restricted to the restroom?
2013-02-19 10:28:33 AM
1 votes:
Do you have a problem with the words blood, sex or jail?
2013-02-19 10:22:28 AM
1 votes:

brobdiggy: True story:

Job candidate on the morning of his interview:  "Something happened last night, and now I'm in jail.  I'll be late for the interview."


I'd reschedule the interview just to hear the story.

/better make it good.
2013-02-19 10:11:20 AM
1 votes:

spentmiles: My greatest weakness?  I eat a lot of beans but most of the fart sounds come from my vagina.  So I guess it would have to be my vagina muscles.  The ass lips are like brand new, though.  I spent a fortune down there.


wow. Just.....wow. I lol'd.
2013-02-19 09:59:52 AM
1 votes:
When can I get a company credit card?
I like to spend a few hours at the bar for lunch, and that would probably be easier than filing an expense report every week.
2013-02-19 09:58:49 AM
1 votes:
People still get job interviews?
That's a bizarre idea.
I thought there was a massive shortage of skilled, qualified workers in the US and A.
2013-02-19 09:56:29 AM
1 votes:
I remember when I was looking for a new job, I sent out so many resumes and applications that I couldn't even remember them all.

Once or twice, I got called to an interview not knowing what the hell the position even was.

I didn't get those jobs.
2013-02-19 09:54:33 AM
1 votes:
"Do you spit or swallow?"
2013-02-19 09:51:39 AM
1 votes:
I'm starting to understand why "millennials" are having such a tough time finding jobs...
2013-02-19 09:47:06 AM
1 votes:
I like to keep a pint of early times in my drawer for lunch and a pre-work drink.  Is that ok?
 
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