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(Yahoo)   News: Widow, 91, has to sell everything to bury her Husband. Not News: ABC News fails to point out the ways readers/viewers can help her   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 14
    More: Fail, KOMO, estate sale  
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6709 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2013 at 3:43 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-17 12:28:06 PM
6 votes:
How much can a shovel cost?
2013-02-17 05:18:40 PM
5 votes:
I've told my wife that I want my organs to be donated and the rest of the meat on my body ground up and fed to our dogs. She's not really on board with the second half of my request, because she doesn't want to get weepy every time she sees a pile of dog crap.
2013-02-17 04:30:11 PM
3 votes:

Plastic Trash Vortex: Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.

This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.


That's illegal.  The funerary industry has a LOT of laws that were written of, by, and for the industry that boil down to, "You will give us free money when your loved ones die."  Not all of them, since it varies from state to state and since occasionally some scandal similar to this gets major airplay (less often in today's media, but it used to happen) and the laws are changed as a result.

Of course with the corporate media doing everything in their power to re-establish the monarchy, such things are low priority, we need to spend more time wailing about how the government is evil but the terrorists are scary so we need to give all of our freedom to big businesses, only when the police (owned and operated by McDonald's) can kick down your door at any moment and arrest you for illegally watching youtube without paying the license fee will we be free/safe.
2013-02-17 10:47:59 PM
2 votes:
When I die, I want a funeral held that makes news headlines for weeks.  I've been adjusting the plan slowly over the years, but here's the current version.

One, the casket will be closed, but people will be heavily encouraged to open the lid to take a last look and say goodbye.  This is because my left hand will be glued to the lid, making it look like I push it open any time someone opens it.  My face will also need to be locked in position with the creepiest grin the morticians can manage.

Two, the casket (and the stand it's on) will be motorized.  When it moves, the Benny Hill theme will play, and the service has to follow my body wherever it goes.  No one over the age of 10 is allowed to use the remote that controls my casket, and no one is allowed to interfere with the use of said remote.  The children present must be heavily encouraged to make me travel far and wide.

Three, I want a piñata at my funeral.  Just because.

Four, after the lengthy service, my hand must be unglued from the casket, and my body removed.  Upon reaching the graveyard, I want to be loaded into a catapult as the empty casket is lowered into the grave.  I must then be fired into the hole in one shot.  If the catapult misses, the casket must be unearthed, I must be placed back into it, and they have to take me back to the chapel to start the service over from the beginning.

Five, after I'm finally in the ground after however many tries, and the service concludes, the casket will be visibly lifted from the ground (again, possibly), and the crowd informed that I will be taken to be cremated according to my wishes.

I add a bit more to the plan every now and then, but if people don't leave my funeral convinced that I was an ass anyway, then I haven't tried hard enough in death.
2013-02-17 03:54:08 PM
2 votes:
Cremation costs less than $500, and you can keep him in your house with you.

/Dad's in one of the closets in my mom's house
//no, he's not gay
2013-02-17 08:40:34 PM
1 votes:

Chinchillazilla: SpaceBison: Meh, just leave the corpse in an open field for a while and let nature take care of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial

That's what I want done with me. Vultures are awesome and I'd rather help them in death than just get burned or put in the ground to rot. Of course, it's illegal here. Maybe I'll go to Tibet to die.


You just need to go with my burial at sea business. Crabs are the vultures of the sea.
2013-02-17 08:26:32 PM
1 votes:

Rufus Lee King: Out of common human decency, maybe the government could help this lady out a bit. Oh, wait; she's white. Forget it


I want to startup a burial-at-sea business on the left coast. Find some hippies to weave me environmentally friendly hemp shrouds. Drive the funeral boat out to international waters, I figure a tastefully sedate yacht, small, maybe 20 passengers. We would have real mortuary sciences people to remove pacemakers and mercury fillings and whatnot. I'm betting you could could charge 1/4 what a funeral home does and still get absurdly filthy wealthy.

But the side business... The side business is selling your selfsame services to large city governments, that have to deal with thousands of unclaimed corpses, the homeless, the destitute elderly, etc. Provide local governments a ridiculously cheap service.

Is being crab food really worse than being maggot food? No additives or preservatives, biodegradable Eco friendly circle of life shiat right there. Book it, done!
2013-02-17 06:44:18 PM
1 votes:
Serious question: what about calling up medical schools and seeing if they will pick up the body and take it?

Spending money on a funeral is silly, especially at the prices you usually see. OTOH the service gives people some closure so maybe it's worth it. If my wife goes before me, I will probably have a fairly traditional funeral for her. Of course, if I go first she'll just go buy a heavy-duty meat grinder and feed me to her (newly acquired) legions of cats.
2013-02-17 06:03:37 PM
1 votes:

Mister Buttons: neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.

I feel I owe the pigs for all the food they've provided me over the years.  The creepy funeral caretakers... I owe them nothing.  If there's a hot funeral caretaker lady that can figure out how to get me going without my heart beating though, I guess I'm ok with that.


I figure a small incision and the creative application of some popsicle sticks should cover it.
2013-02-17 05:58:06 PM
1 votes:

neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.


I feel I owe the pigs for all the food they've provided me over the years.  The creepy funeral caretakers... I owe them nothing.  If there's a hot funeral caretaker lady that can figure out how to get me going without my heart beating though, I guess I'm ok with that.
2013-02-17 04:16:43 PM
1 votes:

rumpelstiltskin: How much can a shovel cost?


You don't need a shovel if you bury your dead in the sandbox at the playground.
2013-02-17 04:14:53 PM
1 votes:

Plastic Trash Vortex: Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.

This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.

And if none of those solutions work for you, then fark - I guess God just doesn't want him to be buried. He really works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? Fortunately, most people have flammable chemicals under their sink, and matches are free at hotels and strip clubs.


Don't forget, most people have a good working barbeque out back.
2013-02-17 04:05:18 PM
1 votes:

Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.


This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.

And if none of those solutions work for you, then fark - I guess God just doesn't want him to be buried. He really works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? Fortunately, most people have flammable chemicals under their sink, and matches are free at hotels and strip clubs.
2013-02-17 04:00:56 PM
1 votes:
This is love and devotion; I'd give her a couple of hundred.

I find myself sensitive when most of you are assholes and an asshole when most of you are sensitive.  Does this mean I'm not the psychopath people accuse me of being?
 
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