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(Yahoo)   News: Widow, 91, has to sell everything to bury her Husband. Not News: ABC News fails to point out the ways readers/viewers can help her   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 75
    More: Fail, KOMO, estate sale  
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6718 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2013 at 3:43 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-17 12:01:34 PM
Because the KOMO problem solver's fund has already covered her expenses. The article wouldn't be sensationalist if they included that detail. We need more Problem Solvers funds.
 
2013-02-17 12:03:32 PM

Mr Tumnus: Because the KOMO problem solver's fund has already covered her expenses. The article wouldn't be sensationalist if they included that detail. We need more Problem Solvers funds.


Where does the money for the PS funds come from and is there a way for readers to donate to it?
 
2013-02-17 12:28:06 PM
How much can a shovel cost?
 
2013-02-17 12:49:13 PM
The My Little Pony Killer:

Where does the money for the PS funds come from and is there a way for readers to donate to it?

From the original article:

https://paytrace.com/cart/donate.pay?ID=1528&MID=27250021602801&PID= Do nation
 
2013-02-17 12:55:03 PM
She has $9 to her name?? Medicare/Medicaid...SS?
 
2013-02-17 01:27:56 PM
I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.
 
2013-02-17 01:32:12 PM

Mr Tumnus: The My Little Pony Killer:

Where does the money for the PS funds come from and is there a way for readers to donate to it?

From the original article:

https://paytrace.com/cart/donate.pay?ID=1528&MID=27250021602801&PID= Do nation


Thank you.
 
2013-02-17 01:35:44 PM
I have noticed folks around here take to the streets with buckets, orange caution vests and pic & info of the recently deceased taped to the bucket for this exact purpose.  Sometimes annoying since they stand in the middle of busy intersections and I rarely carry cash, so I look like a bad guy for not donating.  Other than that I am all for it.

We also have a two charity groups that collect this way as well, The Old Newsboys and firefighters(Fill the Boot), but they usually will notify the public ahead of time.  Which atleast prepares you to have cash and/or expect some traffic delay.
 
2013-02-17 02:21:11 PM
"Smith said she will not be selling her husband's clothing either. "

I don't think he needs it anymore.

Especially if he gets cremated.
 
2013-02-17 03:49:00 PM
Fark lawyers: if my wife dies, am I required to bury her? Is her body my responsibility?
 
2013-02-17 03:53:00 PM
She might want to save up for a Duplex . . .
 
2013-02-17 03:54:08 PM
Cremation costs less than $500, and you can keep him in your house with you.

/Dad's in one of the closets in my mom's house
//no, he's not gay
 
2013-02-17 04:00:55 PM
Everything?

She's still got her eyeglasses and earrings.

Lady, we all have to tighten our belts in these tough times.
 
2013-02-17 04:00:56 PM
This is love and devotion; I'd give her a couple of hundred.

I find myself sensitive when most of you are assholes and an asshole when most of you are sensitive.  Does this mean I'm not the psychopath people accuse me of being?
 
2013-02-17 04:03:17 PM
Burial is for suckers who want to give away thousands of dollars.  Unless you can rent a back hoe and dig a hole in your yard, cremation is the way to go.  My entire family wants that, probably because we aren't selfish d-bags demanding surviving family spend a fortune on a dead body.
 
2013-02-17 04:05:18 PM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.


This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.

And if none of those solutions work for you, then fark - I guess God just doesn't want him to be buried. He really works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? Fortunately, most people have flammable chemicals under their sink, and matches are free at hotels and strip clubs.
 
2013-02-17 04:06:09 PM

lack of warmth: I have noticed folks around here take to the streets with buckets, orange caution vests and pic & info of the recently deceased taped to the bucket for this exact purpose.  Sometimes annoying since they stand in the middle of busy intersections and I rarely carry cash, so I look like a bad guy for not donating.  Other than that I am all for it.

We also have a two charity groups that collect this way as well, The Old Newsboys and firefighters(Fill the Boot), but they usually will notify the public ahead of time.  Which atleast prepares you to have cash and/or expect some traffic delay.


I reached to vote funny, but first I made sure it was spentmiles, then it wasn't, then I got confused, then I reread, then I felt stupid or insane.
 
2013-02-17 04:14:53 PM

Plastic Trash Vortex: Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.

This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.

And if none of those solutions work for you, then fark - I guess God just doesn't want him to be buried. He really works in mysterious ways, doesn't He? Fortunately, most people have flammable chemicals under their sink, and matches are free at hotels and strip clubs.


Don't forget, most people have a good working barbeque out back.
 
2013-02-17 04:16:43 PM

rumpelstiltskin: How much can a shovel cost?


You don't need a shovel if you bury your dead in the sandbox at the playground.
 
2013-02-17 04:19:07 PM
sounds like this liberal welfare queen needs some boot straps
 
2013-02-17 04:25:44 PM
Gasoline is $3.50/gallon
Matches are free at most hotels.

also, where are your kids? or their kids? or that niece you mentioned?

this is what family is for.
 
2013-02-17 04:28:10 PM
Holy shiat... The comments.

/hold me...
 
2013-02-17 04:30:11 PM

Plastic Trash Vortex: Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.

This.

Even if you're broke as shiat, it's not that hard to find a shovel and dig a hole in a forest or something. If you're too old and feeble for that, then get your sons, grandsons, or the Mexicans outside Home Depot to do it for you.


That's illegal.  The funerary industry has a LOT of laws that were written of, by, and for the industry that boil down to, "You will give us free money when your loved ones die."  Not all of them, since it varies from state to state and since occasionally some scandal similar to this gets major airplay (less often in today's media, but it used to happen) and the laws are changed as a result.

Of course with the corporate media doing everything in their power to re-establish the monarchy, such things are low priority, we need to spend more time wailing about how the government is evil but the terrorists are scary so we need to give all of our freedom to big businesses, only when the police (owned and operated by McDonald's) can kick down your door at any moment and arrest you for illegally watching youtube without paying the license fee will we be free/safe.
 
2013-02-17 04:33:06 PM

Polyhazard: Holy shiat... The comments.

/hold me...


Man..... These comments are COLD even by FARK standards.

Yeah.... Welcome to Fark and all that shiat..... I don't need a welcome. I've been here longer than most.

Very sad story.
 
2013-02-17 04:38:16 PM

Glancing Blow: This is love and devotion; I'd give her a couple of hundred.

I find myself sensitive when most of you are assholes and an asshole when most of you are sensitive.  Does this mean I'm not the psychopath people accuse me of being?


It's nice to see at least one person holds you in high esteem, even if it is yourself. Be careful you don't wrench that shoulder patting yourself on the back, humble pie.

/ they were married for 46 years and obviously planned for very little
// prop up the body with a placard in the square as a warning to other lazy fools
 
2013-02-17 04:50:56 PM
The "funeral" business are not respectable - they a bunch of goddamn greedy assholes, taking advantage of people when they are most vulnerable,
That is all.
 
2013-02-17 05:00:50 PM
media.onsugar.com

They are appealing to a specific demographic.

Works for Fox News.
 
2013-02-17 05:00:56 PM

Mike Chewbacca: Cremation costs less than $500, and you can keep him in your house with you.


Yeah but then they try to screw you on urn.

www.invisibleoranges.com
 
2013-02-17 05:08:13 PM
Seriously "had to sell everything" my half wiped asshole.

I feel bad for grieving old widows, but the funeral industry can fark itself. A plastic container that looked like nothing so much as a square paint can and basic cremation cost my uncle 5 grand. At least he planned ahead, but I wouldn't feel at all bad if someone murdered that whole funeral home and stuck their unpreserved corpses in an ikea dresser.
 
2013-02-17 05:09:02 PM
My grandmother had herself cremated, but has a full burial plot. Part of the family plot. So I'm covered. She gets the headstone, which is already there, she passed about 5 years ago, and I built my own coffin. Yeah, I did. Reclaimed pine boards from an old barn, smoothed out and finished very nicely. Completely bare on the inside, cause there will not be an open casket funeral.

All of the bastards that really wasted to see me should have talked to me when I was alive and could talk back. I'll just get one of those little brass plaques and I'm next to my grandma, which in the karmic world, ain't so bad.
 
2013-02-17 05:18:40 PM
I've told my wife that I want my organs to be donated and the rest of the meat on my body ground up and fed to our dogs. She's not really on board with the second half of my request, because she doesn't want to get weepy every time she sees a pile of dog crap.
 
2013-02-17 05:20:53 PM

KrispyKritter: Glancing Blow: This is love and devotion; I'd give her a couple of hundred.

I find myself sensitive when most of you are assholes and an asshole when most of you are sensitive.  Does this mean I'm not the psychopath people accuse me of being?

It's nice to see at least one person holds you in high esteem, even if it is yourself. Be careful you don't wrench that shoulder patting yourself on the back, humble pie.

/ they were married for 46 years and obviously planned for very little
// prop up the body with a placard in the square as a warning to other lazy fools


Both my parents had long (like decade long) illnesses that required full time care. It took every penny and every asset they had and more. They were totally broke and not in their right minds so I had to take over insurance payments so they could be have the modest burial they wished. You can be extremely wealthy and one illness can make you penniless. Why do I even have to explain this to you? You must be a Republican or Libertarian. You know, one those people who have had mom and dad help them through every hardship in life yet you still think you are an invincible genius. I only wish I could be there to watch when reality starts kicking your ass. It will sooooooo sweet.
 
2013-02-17 05:45:20 PM
There's always the donate your body to science option, at least in pa.  Ex gf's mom was fighting cancer for her 5ish years, and signed herself over for that right before all her organs crashed.  Didn't cost her or her family a penny for cremation/burial, but they won't be getting her cremated remains back til next year or so.
 
2013-02-17 05:46:39 PM
Meh, just leave the corpse in an open field for a while and let nature take care of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial
 
2013-02-17 05:48:23 PM
Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.
 
2013-02-17 05:50:57 PM

Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.


Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.
 
2013-02-17 05:58:06 PM

neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.


I feel I owe the pigs for all the food they've provided me over the years.  The creepy funeral caretakers... I owe them nothing.  If there's a hot funeral caretaker lady that can figure out how to get me going without my heart beating though, I guess I'm ok with that.
 
2013-02-17 06:03:37 PM

Mister Buttons: neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.

I feel I owe the pigs for all the food they've provided me over the years.  The creepy funeral caretakers... I owe them nothing.  If there's a hot funeral caretaker lady that can figure out how to get me going without my heart beating though, I guess I'm ok with that.


I figure a small incision and the creative application of some popsicle sticks should cover it.
 
2013-02-17 06:04:05 PM

Mija: KrispyKritter: Glancing Blow: This is love and devotion; I'd give her a couple of hundred.

I find myself sensitive when most of you are assholes and an asshole when most of you are sensitive.  Does this mean I'm not the psychopath people accuse me of being?

It's nice to see at least one person holds you in high esteem, even if it is yourself. Be careful you don't wrench that shoulder patting yourself on the back, humble pie.

/ they were married for 46 years and obviously planned for very little
// prop up the body with a placard in the square as a warning to other lazy fools

Both my parents had long (like decade long) illnesses that required full time care. It took every penny and every asset they had and more. They were totally broke and not in their right minds so I had to take over insurance payments so they could be have the modest burial they wished. You can be extremely wealthy and one illness can make you penniless. Why do I even have to explain this to you? You must be a Republican or Libertarian. You know, one those people who have had mom and dad help them through every hardship in life yet you still think you are an invincible genius. I only wish I could be there to watch when reality starts kicking your ass. It will sooooooo sweet.


This.  When my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer, my dad was still employed and with some insurance, but the medical bills were pretty outrageous.  She died a few days after some expensive surgery and hospital stay.  Then we were knocked down by the cost of the funeral.  Nasty.  My siblings and I kicked in some money to help cover it - I was 18 at the time and getting 6.25 an hour, so I didn't help much.
 
2013-02-17 06:08:38 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Mr Tumnus: Because the KOMO problem solver's fund has already covered her expenses. The article wouldn't be sensationalist if they included that detail. We need more Problem Solvers funds.

Where does the money for the PS funds come from and is there a way for readers to donate to it?


Mr Tumnus: Because the KOMO problem solver's fund has already covered her expenses. The article wouldn't be sensationalist if they included that detail. We need more Problem Solvers funds.


But people on the internet would rather give money to a some guy because he tasered an uppity woman.
 
2013-02-17 06:12:48 PM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.


Correct. The three biggest wastes of money in the Unites States:

1. United States Congress / Federal Reserve
2. Weddings
3. Funerals
 
2013-02-17 06:13:50 PM

neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.


I wonder if you can specifically donate your corpse TO a necrophiliac.  I'm not particularly interested in farking a corpse, but the idea of someone farking MY corpse is pretty hot.
 
2013-02-17 06:23:36 PM

realmojo: Mike Chewbacca: Cremation costs less than $500, and you can keep him in your house with you.

Yeah but then they try to screw you on urn.

[www.invisibleoranges.com image 630x250]


It is their most modestly priced receptacle
 
2013-02-17 06:26:26 PM
It's one thing when people die suddenly at a young age, but 88?  It never dawned on them to put aside some money for this kind of thing anytime in the last 40 years?
 
2013-02-17 06:27:36 PM
My advice is free: dump him in the Thames, or any nearby body of water
 
2013-02-17 06:35:48 PM
Mrs Gil: I heard you dispose of dead bodies?
Big Moe: What! Who said that?
Mrs Gil: The the driver for Mels Flowers.
Big Moe: That guy says all kinds of crazy stuff.
Mrs Gil: My husband died Moe.
Big Moe: I'm.. uh sorry to hear that.
Mrs Gil: They want $35 grand to bury him.
Big Moe: That's a lot of money... $35 grand.
Mrs Gil: What do you think.
Big Moe: I can do it for five.  Anything he wanted?
Mrs Gil: He used to joke he wanted to be buried in his 56 Desoto.
Big Moe; Perfect!  It still runs right?
 
2013-02-17 06:44:18 PM
Serious question: what about calling up medical schools and seeing if they will pick up the body and take it?

Spending money on a funeral is silly, especially at the prices you usually see. OTOH the service gives people some closure so maybe it's worth it. If my wife goes before me, I will probably have a fairly traditional funeral for her. Of course, if I go first she'll just go buy a heavy-duty meat grinder and feed me to her (newly acquired) legions of cats.
 
2013-02-17 06:51:29 PM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: I'd like to keep everything," she said. "But I have to sell it."

No. No you don't.
Burial is a waste of money.


^^^^^^^^^^^^ word.
 
2013-02-17 06:54:01 PM

poison_amy: neongoats: Mister Buttons: Btw, I don't care what happens to my parts once I'm done with them.  Just keep the necrophiliacs away.  Feeding me to pigs or dogs is AOK for all the farks I give though.

Why is it ok for swine to eat you, but some horny caretaker can't ejaculate into you? There is plenty of food for pigs, but only so many chances to bone a corpse.

I wonder if you can specifically donate your corpse TO a necrophiliac.  I'm not particularly interested in farking a corpse, but the idea of someone farking MY corpse is pretty hot.


So put me in your will as sole heir, with your express, written, notarized permission to defile you, and when you kick off we'll see if they let me fark your corpse. You know, for science.
 
2013-02-17 06:55:08 PM

PainfulItching: My grandmother had herself cremated, but has a full burial plot. Part of the family plot. So I'm covered. She gets the headstone, which is already there, she passed about 5 years ago, and I built my own coffin. Yeah, I did. Reclaimed pine boards from an old barn, smoothed out and finished very nicely. Completely bare on the inside, cause there will not be an open casket funeral.

All of the bastards that really wasted to see me should have talked to me when I was alive and could talk back. I'll just get one of those little brass plaques and I'm next to my grandma, which in the karmic world, ain't so bad.


You're lucky.  Some people pay for family plots, but come to find out the money was misspent by the gravekeepers/it was a scam, and they're left with nothing.
 
2013-02-17 07:07:51 PM
Ok I won't even bother to read the comments here but I sure as hell hope this has already been said.

This farking coonthole worthless biatch loser ass skank lived for 91 years and that wasn't enough time for her to prepare for this expense?

fark this stupid farking biatch.
 
2013-02-17 07:30:42 PM
I'm 29 and my husband and I both have life insurance.  I hope to get our wills done this year as well.  After watching my dad recently struggle with my grandfather's funeral, I realize how important it is.  My grandfather was mentally ill for many years but kept us all at a distance for so long that we didn't fully realize its extent until it was too late.  We were working on getting things in order when he died unexpectedly leaving no will, a pile of bills that he had forgotten to pay and an insurance policy that was taken by his vengeful ex-wife (not my grandmother) who he had not had the awareness to divorce when they became estranged several years ago.  It's a mess and a horrible burden to leave on your family who should be focusing on their grief.  However, it's hard to blame an old man who was sick and not in his right mind for not planning ahead.  In this woman's case it may also be possible that over 91 years of life, extenuating circumstances left her in a similarly bad predicament.
 
2013-02-17 07:48:14 PM

I Like Shiny Things: This farking coonthole worthless biatch loser ass skank lived for 91 years and that wasn't enough time for her to prepare for this expense?


Russian Proverb: A man gets tired of taking care of his old grandfather so he decides to take him to the poor house. After getting the old man in the wagon, being winter he tells his son to get and get the horse blanket from the barn to keep the old man from freezing to death on the ride.  After a long while the boy comes back with half a horse blanket. What is this? says the man, you cut the horse blanket in half? Boy says, I'm saving the other half for you dad.

All I can say about you, you may have children, but when you're old, they won't be coming around.
 
2013-02-17 07:56:39 PM
Funeral homes want payment for their services before they do anything so life insurance isn't helpful immediately because it takes time to get the pay off.   You need the death certificate to get the pay off, and it's the funeral home that helps you obtain that.

I had my husband and son cremated. I did not buy those over-priced, ugly, marked up 1000 times urns the funeral home offered.  I went to my local fair trade store and bought two beautiful granite urns made in Pakistan for $40 a piece (my Mom already had a collection of beautiful pots from Africa when she died so I didn't have to spend any extra money for that).

The funeral industry is a racket, just like the wedding industry. Yes you need its services, like obtaining the numerous copies of the death certificate that you'll need for all the legal stuff that has to be done, but people shouldn't feel obligated to bankrupt themselves to pay for an overpriced, gaudy casket.

I know it's tradition but dang, caskets and cemeteries are a waste of land and resources.
 
2013-02-17 08:15:12 PM
Death is but a door, time a window
 
2013-02-17 08:25:25 PM

HighlanderRPI: Death is but a door, time a window


And the horizon is but the limit of our sight.
 
2013-02-17 08:26:32 PM

Rufus Lee King: Out of common human decency, maybe the government could help this lady out a bit. Oh, wait; she's white. Forget it


I want to startup a burial-at-sea business on the left coast. Find some hippies to weave me environmentally friendly hemp shrouds. Drive the funeral boat out to international waters, I figure a tastefully sedate yacht, small, maybe 20 passengers. We would have real mortuary sciences people to remove pacemakers and mercury fillings and whatnot. I'm betting you could could charge 1/4 what a funeral home does and still get absurdly filthy wealthy.

But the side business... The side business is selling your selfsame services to large city governments, that have to deal with thousands of unclaimed corpses, the homeless, the destitute elderly, etc. Provide local governments a ridiculously cheap service.

Is being crab food really worse than being maggot food? No additives or preservatives, biodegradable Eco friendly circle of life shiat right there. Book it, done!
 
2013-02-17 08:28:21 PM

trekkiecougar: Funeral homes want payment for their services before they do anything so life insurance isn't helpful immediately because it takes time to get the pay off.   You need the death certificate to get the pay off, and it's the funeral home that helps you obtain that.

I had my husband and son cremated. I did not buy those over-priced, ugly, marked up 1000 times urns the funeral home offered.  I went to my local fair trade store and bought two beautiful granite urns made in Pakistan for $40 a piece (my Mom already had a collection of beautiful pots from Africa when she died so I didn't have to spend any extra money for that).

The funeral industry is a racket, just like the wedding industry. Yes you need its services, like obtaining the numerous copies of the death certificate that you'll need for all the legal stuff that has to be done, but people shouldn't feel obligated to bankrupt themselves to pay for an overpriced, gaudy casket.

I know it's tradition but dang, caskets and cemeteries are a waste of land and resources.


You make a good point. But I'm more struck by your losses.
 
2013-02-17 08:31:23 PM

PainfulItching: My grandmother had herself cremated, but has a full burial plot. Part of the family plot. So I'm covered. She gets the headstone, which is already there, she passed about 5 years ago, and I built my own coffin. Yeah, I did. Reclaimed pine boards from an old barn, smoothed out and finished very nicely. Completely bare on the inside, cause there will not be an open casket funeral.

All of the bastards that really wasted to see me should have talked to me when I was alive and could talk back. I'll just get one of those little brass plaques and I'm next to my grandma, which in the karmic world, ain't so bad.


I'm not particularly good at building things, but there's something satisfying about the idea of building my own coffin. I like the thought.

/plus it's not really like a coffin has to be well-built
//don't need a lot of endurance out of a coffin
 
2013-02-17 08:36:54 PM
Biogift.org
 
2013-02-17 08:38:15 PM

SpaceBison: Meh, just leave the corpse in an open field for a while and let nature take care of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial


That's what I want done with me. Vultures are awesome and I'd rather help them in death than just get burned or put in the ground to rot. Of course, it's illegal here. Maybe I'll go to Tibet to die.
 
2013-02-17 08:40:34 PM

Chinchillazilla: SpaceBison: Meh, just leave the corpse in an open field for a while and let nature take care of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial

That's what I want done with me. Vultures are awesome and I'd rather help them in death than just get burned or put in the ground to rot. Of course, it's illegal here. Maybe I'll go to Tibet to die.


You just need to go with my burial at sea business. Crabs are the vultures of the sea.
 
2013-02-17 08:51:22 PM

SpaceBison: Meh, just leave the corpse in an open field for a while and let nature take care of it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sky_burial


Related: University of Tennessee Anthropological Research Facility. They accept donations.
 
2013-02-17 08:55:31 PM
neongoats:


So put me in your will as sole heir, with your express, written, notarized permission to defile you, and when you kick off we'll see if they let me fark your corpse. You know, for science.


If it's for science, don't you need a "control" fark first?
 
2013-02-17 09:12:49 PM

poison_amy: neongoats:


So put me in your will as sole heir, with your express, written, notarized permission to defile you, and when you kick off we'll see if they let me fark your corpse. You know, for science.


If it's for science, don't you need a "control" fark first?


Yes, but only if you can manage to be frigid and unresponsive. If you need tips I can probably get you in contact with my ex wife :p
 
2013-02-17 09:16:07 PM
Screw all that stuff. I have specified in my will that my body is to be donated to medical research, with the remains to be disposed of as medical waste.
 
2013-02-17 09:40:40 PM
why is it that it only cost me $65 to cremate a 100 lb.
rottie? even cremation is a total scam.

Got her back in a ziplock back. cheapest receptacle they had. sprinkled the ashes. free.
 
2013-02-17 10:29:06 PM
News stories are there for ratings and pushing agendas and not much else. They ran the story and will forget about it tomorrow and it probably couldn't be found by a search on their site in a week. Life is life.
 
2013-02-17 10:47:59 PM
When I die, I want a funeral held that makes news headlines for weeks.  I've been adjusting the plan slowly over the years, but here's the current version.

One, the casket will be closed, but people will be heavily encouraged to open the lid to take a last look and say goodbye.  This is because my left hand will be glued to the lid, making it look like I push it open any time someone opens it.  My face will also need to be locked in position with the creepiest grin the morticians can manage.

Two, the casket (and the stand it's on) will be motorized.  When it moves, the Benny Hill theme will play, and the service has to follow my body wherever it goes.  No one over the age of 10 is allowed to use the remote that controls my casket, and no one is allowed to interfere with the use of said remote.  The children present must be heavily encouraged to make me travel far and wide.

Three, I want a piñata at my funeral.  Just because.

Four, after the lengthy service, my hand must be unglued from the casket, and my body removed.  Upon reaching the graveyard, I want to be loaded into a catapult as the empty casket is lowered into the grave.  I must then be fired into the hole in one shot.  If the catapult misses, the casket must be unearthed, I must be placed back into it, and they have to take me back to the chapel to start the service over from the beginning.

Five, after I'm finally in the ground after however many tries, and the service concludes, the casket will be visibly lifted from the ground (again, possibly), and the crowd informed that I will be taken to be cremated according to my wishes.

I add a bit more to the plan every now and then, but if people don't leave my funeral convinced that I was an ass anyway, then I haven't tried hard enough in death.
 
2013-02-17 10:57:30 PM
Donate your body to medicine, they'll have some intern poke at it and then cremate you for free.
 
2013-02-17 11:58:47 PM
Just toss me in a dumpster, honey. I won't mind.

But until then, seriously, hands off the scotch.
 
2013-02-18 02:06:38 AM
Put me in a Hefty Cinch Sak and put me out on the curb. Caskets, cemeterys, burial plots.....death is entirely too expensive and it's stupid to try and preserve a carcass you're not even using anymore.
 
2013-02-18 02:55:36 AM

irreverend mother: why is it that it only cost me $65 to cremate a 100 lb.
rottie? even cremation is a total scam.

Got her back in a ziplock back. cheapest receptacle they had. sprinkled the ashes. free.


Out here, a price that low means they cremated a bunch together, not separately... so those may or may not have been her ashes you sprinkled.

But at least you gave her a send off instead of chucking her in the trash.
 
2013-02-18 09:06:50 AM
This is why old people shouldn't be trusted with money.
 
2013-02-18 01:46:51 PM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: irreverend mother: why is it that it only cost me $65 to cremate a 100 lb.
rottie? even cremation is a total scam.

Got her back in a ziplock back. cheapest receptacle they had. sprinkled the ashes. free.

Out here, a price that low means they cremated a bunch together, not separately... so those may or may not have been her ashes you sprinkled.

But at least you gave her a send off instead of chucking her in the trash.


Yeah, that sounds like a "public" (burn the critters in batches) vs "private" (one at a time) deal. Our vet offered both, the public cremains were scattered at an orchard on the other side of the state.
 
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