wambu: FNG: A brief squeeze out is a lot better than the permanent BO, or the lingering fumes of the nasty food eater sitting next to you.I was on a late commuter flight leaving Washing, D.C. in August some 30 years ago. It was one of those German boxcars with wings and noisy propellers with a ugly curtain separating the pilot from the passengers. The late afternoon air was hot and muggy and I was glad that the only empty seat remaining was the one next to me. With a small commotion at the front of the plane, I could tell that a last-minute passenger was boarding; my heart sank. Suddenly, the most beautiful woman in the world stepped through that door. I couldn't believe my luck. If I had to surrender my comfort and my spare seat, it would certainly be worth it. My heart raced as my my mind attempted to select the most sincere, most endearing and most effective greeting for this heavenly creature. She pasued before sitting to remove her jacket, uncovering a red silk blouse that caressed her every soft, ample curve. As my eyes bathed in the glow of her beauty, my nostrils began to twitch at the encounter of the most rancid body odor this side of a high school locker room on a hot day. Now the dark stains under her armpits became apparent, oozing a kind of oily shimmering that revealed their true horror. I smiled weakly and saw in her eyes the revealed knowledge of my revulsion to her radiating malodorous presence. I thought any hopes I had for a meaningless romantic adventure were over. As she sat, a low rumble escaped from near her seat cushion and a foul stench slowly crept into my sinuses. The noises and odors continued into the flight; she had obviously eaten something exotic and greasy for lunch that did not agree with her and the heat of the day and the confines of the plane were only making it worse. I prayed for death to overtake me and free me from this gross, frightening scourge.of stank who had only moments before been the object of my desire. I A.) murdered h ...
FNG: A brief squeeze out is a lot better than the permanent BO, or the lingering fumes of the nasty food eater sitting next to you.
Lsherm: I fart on planes all the time. All you have to do is look at someone sitting next to you with a "WTF?" look and it's all good.
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Jan 19 2017 00:52:40
Runtime: 0.211 sec (211 ms)