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(Some Guy)   Fox News will now provide entertainment by presenting us with all the stuff twirling around in Herman's head   ( divider line
    More: Amusing, Fox News, Herman Cain, Fox Business, academic rank, United States, Sarah Palin  
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1910 clicks; posted to Politics » on 16 Feb 2013 at 6:57 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-02-16 08:39:26 PM  
4 votes:
x-entertainment.comView Full Size

Few people know that Herman Cain was the result of government experiments. But this is only the beginning of tonight's Unsolved Mystery.

In 1971 a few scientists had the foresight to realize what ARPANET would eventually become. Understanding the need to maintain the upper hand on a future internet, they set out to engineer the perfect troll for reasons of national security. No cost was spared, the project became the greatest secret scientific compilation since the Manhattan Project.

Ridiculous and insane, yet endearing and entertaining. Human enough to garner sympathy, machine enough to never stop trolling, no matter what. The project was considered a resounding success.

He was given a cover job in the US Navy and his uncanny intelligence with all things regarding computer networking was covered with a story about him having graduated Purdue with a Masters in Computer Science.

What they couldn't anticipate was the basic run-time protocols they had programmed for reward/punishment reactions during his training and development would evolve with the machine. His insatiable love for pizza (his programming's primary reward engine) caused him to break from cover and pursue his own pizza interests. Rather than terminating such a fascinating specimen, he is watched closely but not interfered with.

To this day even the scientists that designed him aren't sure if he is trolling us all or pursuing the highest office in the land in order to secure his hold on the pizza markets he holds so dear. Such is the perfection of his trolling technology.

Fundamental threat to the well being of society? Or possible savior of us all? Such can be said of all trolls created in a time when trolling meant something. Only time will tell, and that's why tonight Herman Cain tops our list of the top 10 greatest Unsolved Mysteries.
2013-02-17 01:22:42 AM  
2 votes:
I have a computer simulated picture of what Herman Cain will look like in 20 years...

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
2013-02-16 08:28:48 PM  
2 votes:
2013-02-16 07:10:04 PM  
2 votes:
This is good news for John Stewart.
2013-02-17 10:12:31 AM  
1 vote:
FTFA: "Cain's impressive resume oily-black skin makes him a valuable addition to the FOX News and FOX Business lineup. As a political expert negroe with business savvy a wide, wide nose and a big happy negroe smile, he brings an important voice plausible deniability to the nation's debates our racism."
2013-02-17 04:45:41 AM  
1 vote:

Cornelius Dribble: Weren't they telling us the same thing when Fox dumped Glenn Beck?

images2.wikia.nocookie.netView Full Size

"Come on guy, don't be mad. I can change!"
2013-02-17 01:22:34 AM  
1 vote:
I don't care who is hiring him and for what reason, I just want me some Herman Cain regularly back in the news.

Hopefully his contract states he can say whatever pops into his head, and I will die a happy man.
2013-02-16 10:27:00 PM  
1 vote:

homelessdude: Is this the place in the thread where I link
to the single greatest 23 seconds of video in the
history of political campaign commercials?
[ image 100x87]

Yes. Yes it is.

That creepy lolitrollu slow smile just doesn't get old for me.
2013-02-16 09:27:53 PM  
1 vote:

Doktor_Zhivago: I used to listen to him when he subbed for Boortz on his radio show years ago and I have no idea what happened to that intelligent well-spoken man

"Let the record show that the witness made the 'drinky-drinky' motion."

chescurrin.bitacoras.comView Full Size

/Rick Perry too.
2013-02-16 08:36:27 PM  
1 vote:

PanicMan: I've lost count of how many former Republican candidates have worked for Fox.  It's no longer funny how partisan they are.

If Fox News is fair and balanced, then why have they never hired a failed democratic presidential candidate?
2013-02-16 08:13:06 PM  
1 vote:

French Rage: KWess: His interviews with John Oliver are worth seeking out...Oliver's overt contempt, and Cain's decision to simply brazen through it, is comedy gold.

So basically Fox News is copying The Daily Show.  Let's let that sink in.

Glad to see they are trying to be more credible.

Also, anyone with any sense knows that this was Cain's purpose for running in the first place. He knew he would get his fifteen minutes as the black candidate that could take Obama, then when Iowa and New Hampshire came around he'd finish middle of the pack and transition into the real money making job: Fox Contributor and Book Seller.
2013-02-16 07:37:07 PM  
1 vote:

Doktor_Zhivago: geography might not be his subject though

The president of Uzbeckybeckybeckystan agrees.
2013-02-16 07:13:31 PM  
1 vote:
Where washed-up Republicans go to fade away.
2013-02-16 07:07:20 PM  
1 vote:

Rich Cream: "One has to wonder about the logic behind this choice in light of Sarah Palin's recent departure from the network, since there were many credible sources that said Fox CEO Roger Ailes let her go due to her diminished influence."

I foresee an age of darkness...

Well Obama DID get re-elected. Full Size
2013-02-16 07:01:02 PM  
1 vote:
sitcomsonline.comView Full Size
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