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(Gawker)   The police blotter for America's third most expensive zip code is a thing of first world beauty   (gawker.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, beauty  
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29027 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Feb 2013 at 3:00 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2013-02-16 02:12:25 PM  
12 votes:
img.gawkerassets.com

media.tumblr.com
2013-02-16 02:22:35 PM  
8 votes:
I got pulled over once after driving on the same road twice in the span of a few minutes. I'd gone to the hardware store to pick up some things, and on my way home I realized I forgot something. So, back to the store.

When I was heading home again, the cop pulled me over and asked what I was doing. After explaining my story, he told me that he'd better not see me on that road again. I laughed at him, he said he was serious, and I laughed at him even harder.

I think he began to understand the stupidity of his order when I asked for his phone number should I need anything from any of the shops on that very busy, and very public, street as he'd be the one picking them up for me.

Poor bastard really wanted to write me a ticket for something.
2013-02-16 05:02:35 PM  
7 votes:
qph.is.quoracdn.net
2013-02-16 11:23:38 AM  
7 votes:
My neighbors called the cops because of a suspicious vehicle driving by their house at the same time every day for a few weeks.
Turns out it was their next door neighbor driving to work.
2013-02-16 03:08:40 PM  
6 votes:

3.bp.blogspot.com

ERMAGERD ... DERMERSTIK TRRRRESTS

2013-02-16 04:17:13 PM  
5 votes:
"A man's monocle popped off his face when he realized that the caviar he was eating was second-tier."
2013-02-16 03:28:28 PM  
5 votes:
suddenly, there's a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say "Who is it?"
No answer
"Who is it?"
There's no answer
"WHO IS IT?"
They're not sayin' anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I'm right
2013-02-16 06:26:21 PM  
4 votes:

o'really: ihopOVERpancakes:
"WOODSIDE

While en route to his trash can, a resident encountered a 60-pound mountain lion."

"This one was the most interesting for me."

I know, I thought mountain lions were way bigger than that.



Luckily the lion was standing on a discarded bathroom scale, so it's weight could be accurately determined.
2013-02-16 04:07:16 PM  
4 votes:
From Kensington, a wealthy community across the bay:

http://www.kensingtonoutlook.com/issues/outlook_julaug_06.pdf

An African American man was seen sitting in a car parked on Purdue Ave. A suspicious resident, who was greeted by the occupant, noted the car's license plate and called the police. When police arrived the man and car were gone. later an astute officer realized that the license plate was that of the Kensington police's own unmarked car; the driver had been Acting Police Chief Hull, doing a routine neighborhood watch.
2013-02-16 03:20:59 PM  
4 votes:
from Unalaska:

2242 - Welfare Check - Officer checked the airport terminal after multiple 911 calls were received from a pay phone at that location. The officer was told by one child that another child had seen a monster and so had phoned 911. The officer did not find any of the aforesaid monsters in the terminal.
2013-02-16 02:15:43 PM  
4 votes:
A friend of mine got hired as a cop in a very affluent suburb after working as a cop in Detroit for about 7 years. He got a call of an "unknown problem" at a mansion. When he arrived he was met by a woman who told him her housekeeper wasn't in that day and she couldn't reach the zipper on the back of her dress and asked him to zip it for her.
2013-02-16 11:54:10 AM  
4 votes:

serial_crusher: My neighbors called the cops because of a suspicious vehicle driving by their house at the same time every day for a few weeks.
Turns out it was their next door neighbor driving to work.


While not living in a neighborhood like the one in the article, my dad got stop on his way to work by an off-duty cop, who lived a block over, for suspicion of casing the neighborhood.  My dad told him to arrest him and they will see who still has a job the next day.  The cop relented, but in time did lose his job.  We were friends with one of his coworkers.

Although, these kind of stories make me wonder why more hasn't been done for the safety of those residents.  Why hasn't the government sent in the National Guard by now?  Do we need to start a fund raiser for better security since these folks can't afford to have personal guards stand around the the property like the drug mansions in the movies?
2013-02-16 04:41:47 PM  
3 votes:
www.lolbrary.com
2013-02-16 04:35:08 PM  
3 votes:
My favorite one came from a local newspaper in a tiny mid-western town [years ago now]:

11:21 pm Suspected intoxicated woman reported on Main St.

11:27 pm Suspect now crawling east on Main.
2013-02-16 03:46:35 PM  
3 votes:
I wonder what would happen if I hired LL Cool J to walk that neighborhood at night?
2013-02-16 03:20:25 PM  
3 votes:

flucto: OMG this is about RICH PEOPLE? Let's all be OUTRAGED and grind them into free meatloaf for the poor.


Now why would you want to give something so toxic to poor people?
2013-02-16 03:14:49 PM  
3 votes:
Went to lunch in Carmel a while back... Driving past the park I saw two firetrucks and a couple ambulances. I thought "oh shiat, tourist got a heart attack" but no... firefighter vs EMT pickup basketball game.
2013-02-16 03:05:57 PM  
3 votes:

flucto: OMG this is about RICH PEOPLE? Let's all be OUTRAGED and grind them into free meatloaf for the poor.


Finally, someone with a sensible plan. I also love meatloaf, so win/win.
2013-02-16 03:03:39 PM  
3 votes:
Job creators.
2013-02-16 03:58:08 PM  
2 votes:

xanadian: [img.gawkerassets.com image 640x327]

[media.tumblr.com image 495x442]


I hope that hawk had ordered out for some nummy Pekingese food.
2013-02-16 03:48:28 PM  
2 votes:

flucto: OMG this is about RICH PEOPLE? Let's all be OUTRAGED and grind them into free meatloaf for the poor.


Whoa, take it easy there Gospel of Luke. Not all of us are Christians.
2013-02-16 03:43:01 PM  
2 votes:
From the comments: "Police responded to call regarding someone in the neighborhood wearing white shoes after labor day. It was determined they were in fact more gray and just reflecting the light."

/I hope this becomes a thing.
2013-02-16 03:33:38 PM  
2 votes:
img.gawkerassets.com

The one from Redwood City (above) that they didn't circle is funnier than several of the ones they did circle.
2013-02-16 03:26:32 PM  
2 votes:

MaudlinMutantMollusk: How do such incredibly stupid people accumulate so much money?


They lie back, spread their legs and think of the divorce settlement.
2013-02-16 03:22:32 PM  
2 votes:
5 February, Tuesday

0122 - Welfare Check - Inebriated brother called to report that something was wrong with his inebriated sibling. Officers responded to the residence and were told that a pretty woman was doing things with his sibling.
0714 - Assistance Rendered - Inebriated brother called to report his inebriated sibling had told him to shut up. Officers responded to the residence and found the two were arguing about a pretty woman.


Is 'pretty woman' police-speak for 'hooker'?
2013-02-16 03:02:26 PM  
2 votes:

flucto: OMG this is about RICH PEOPLE? Let's all be OUTRAGED and grind them into free meatloaf for the poor.


Why not.
content8.flixster.com
2013-02-16 02:51:37 PM  
2 votes:
My father got tackled in a grocery store parking lot by a police officer. The woman ahead of him in line had left her purse on the register and he was chasing her down to return it. They (he and the cop) became drinking buddies.
2013-02-16 02:03:03 PM  
2 votes:

WI241TH: Someone linked it in the comments:
http://www.adn.com/2013/02/07/2780557/unalaska-police-blotter.html#st o rylink=misearch


"A drunken man phoned police and said he was naked, cold, and exposing himself to passing vehicles and in need of assistance. He was unable to name or describe his location.  Officers searched the common and not so common haunts of naked drunks but did not find the man in question."

Read more here: http://www.adn.com/2013/02/07/2780557/unalaska-police-blotter.html#st o rylink=misearch#storylink=cpy
BWHAHAHAHAHAHA
2013-02-16 01:09:59 PM  
2 votes:
Semi-related, does anyone remember the police blotter posted for a random small town in Alaska where it was filled with crazy drunk antics and wild bears and what not?  THAT was a thing of beauty, but I can't remember what it was.
2013-02-16 01:08:10 PM  
2 votes:
That wasn't a man delivering a package, that was a rapist who knows how to cover his tracks when discovered
2013-02-16 12:57:11 PM  
2 votes:
I for one am glad to know there is somewhere a place safe from teens wearing low slug pants exposing their undies.


/next we work on sideways hat wearing.
2013-02-17 04:32:52 AM  
1 vote:
My mom and some of our neighbors were like this. It was just a regular upper-middle class neighborhood, not particularly wealthy but particularly suspicious and paranoid.

She would call the police if a stranger rang the doorbell. She would also call the neighbors to warn them that someone was walking around ringing doorbells. And then there would be lots of scary turning off of lights in the house and peeking out of windows. And it would be a big scary story to share with her friends for several days with lots of speculation on whether he was "legitimate" or a robber/rapist/serial killer.

If she saw someone walking around the neighborhood that was not at least 30 years old and white, she would be suspicious because the person might be walking around trying doors hoping to find one unlocked so he could rob the house. We would have to turn around and go back to our house to double check that the doors were locked. Sometimes she would call the police for that as well. Or sometimes we would just follow the person to figure out what he was up to (which was never anything more than walking down the street).

When we traveled, she would have a neighbor put trash in our trashcans because otherwise the trash collectors would know we away and would tell their criminal friends so they could rob our house. She would not stop delivery of the newspaper or have mail held at the post office for the same reason (neighbor picked up paper and mail).

One time, when I was in high school, a neighbor called to tell me two men were walking up our driveway. The following conversation ensued:

Me (looking out window): yes, I know them, I'm expecting them (it was two guys from school)
Neighbor: Are you sure? They don't look right.
Me: yes, I know them:
Neighbor: They're not dressed very nice, are you sure? (they were wearing jeans and t-shirts).
Me: yes, I know them and I'm expecting them.
Neighbor: but one of them is wearing an army jacket
Me: yes, I see that. I know them.
Neighbor (now in an agitated state): Now they're right up to the house! They're on the porch, it looks like they're ringing the doorbell!!!!
Me: yes, I hear the doorbell.
Neighbor: DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!!! ARE YOU OPENING THE DOOR? SHOULD I CALL THE POLICE!?!?!?

I hung up at that point. I'm actually surprised she didn't report a kidnapping after I got in the car and left with them.
2013-02-16 06:55:54 PM  
1 vote:

sleeps in trees: TheOther: 2242 - Welfare Check - Officer checked the airport terminal after multiple 911 calls were received from a pay phone at that location. The officer was told by one child that another child had seen a monster and so had phoned 911. The officer did not find any of the aforesaid monsters in the terminal.

That is actually adorable.


You wouldn't think that if you were the attendant on that monster's flight.
2013-02-16 05:22:01 PM  
1 vote:
On the local news two days ago I learned my county (Tulsa County in Oklahoma) renewed its status as Meth Lab capital of the US.

http://www.krmg.com/news/news/local/tulsa-proven-be-meth-capital-nat io n/nWNH7/
"Tulsa County had 949 labs."
2013-02-16 04:53:11 PM  
1 vote:

meyerkev: SuperNinjaToad: Not sure if all the crime reports of the different townships are placed next to each other but it seems like the areas surrounding Atherton are pretty POS dangerous places. We're talking going from picking fruit tress, paranoid of UPS guy to rape, murder and carjaking 3 blocks over. WTF?

Well, East Palo Alto spent a large time as the murder capital of the world, and that's right next door.

(Heading North to South):
Redwood City is fairly middle-class (which means that their house costs more than my parents in the Midwest will earn in their lifetimes.  SF is crazy).
Atherton is super-super rich.
Menlo Park is slightly cheaper Palo Alto.
Palo Alto is super rich because there's negative amounts of mass transit, a bunch of college students (including med students who figure that an extra few thousand of debt really doesn't matter) who need to be near campus, and all the startups, so you have the entrepreneurs and the college students competing for the same real estate.
Mountain View, Sunnyvale, Cupertino, and Santa Clara are basically Redwood City, getting a tad cheaper as you go further South (Well East at this point).
I've heard that parts of San Jose are slummy, but couldn't verify.

And then the entire East Bay (so, Fremont and Hayward) is where "poor" people live, because rents are cheaper.  With disgusting traffic (The bridges, 880 and 680 are just parking lots that make 101 look nice), and $100/month bridge tolls.  It's just not worth it, IMO.

So the fact that Atherton has super-super-rich people problems, and that the poorer areas have normal people problems does not surprise me.

/Seriously, rents go down 30% going 5 miles from University Street to Mountain View, and if Atherton had rents, they'd be even higher.
//Mountain View.


Funny.  You've just divided the entire bay area into two categories:
1) Stanford and Places Adjacent to Stanford (and SF)
2) Other Places that I've heard are gross and for losers
2013-02-16 04:50:31 PM  
1 vote:
rack.1.mshcdn.com
2013-02-16 04:46:06 PM  
1 vote:
I live in this town but in Connecticut.  Last week a few women were all upset that men wearing hoodies and carrying snow shovels.  They were all up in arms wondering  who they were and what they were doing.

In unrelated news we got over 30 inches of snow last weekend.
2013-02-16 04:21:21 PM  
1 vote:
When I was visiting Key West I looked at the crime section of the local paper. The one that made the headline on the page was "Man Writes Roommate Bad Check".
2013-02-16 03:51:27 PM  
1 vote:
MaudlinMutantMollusk: How do such incredibly stupid people accumulate so much money?

They marry into it.
2013-02-16 03:51:11 PM  
1 vote:
I was listening to my police scanner app one night and dispatch came on to send a car to an address where two guys were "having buttsex in front of an open window."
2013-02-16 03:39:56 PM  
1 vote:
Picking fruit that isn't yours is a felony in California. Keeps the bums away from the orange groves. img.gawkerassets.com
2013-02-16 03:38:16 PM  
1 vote:
I lived in Menlo Park (next town over from Atherton) for many years. They had great yard sales.

The neighborhood didn't change that quickly, but there was a small homeless encampment under an overpass near the creek. I had a neighbor who was foolish enough to leave her luggage on the curb while she went back inside to phone for a taxi. On recycling day. Gone.

Two other stories from that era:

- Very soon after I moved in, I was walking home one evening and took a wrong turn onto a dead-end street. In the process of backtracking my steps, the local patrol car pulled up next to me and asked if there was a problem. I told them I was looking for <my address>.  "Oh, do you work there?"  "No, I live there. Is that a problem?"  (I could hear the testicles retract from the sidewalk).

- We had a loquat tree in the front yard that gave literally bushels of fruit in season (the neighbor had persimmons, and left a wheelbarrow-full on his front walk).  Coming home one afternoon, there was an older woman with a couple of shopping bags standing on the sidewalk in front of the house, and a teenage boy standing on a folding chair under my tree picking loquats. I stopped and watched them for a while, and she kindly handed me part of his next haul, which I put into my bag. I thanked her, then went up on the porch, got out my keys, and went inside.

Good times.
2013-02-16 03:33:17 PM  
1 vote:

JohnnyRebel88: The police might not be reporting other criminal offenses, as this is done in my area to keep the property values stable.  It's all smoke and mirrors.  Never trust police and their agenda when it comes to disclosing all the information.  They are better liars than the criminals sometimes.  There are good ones as well, just saying this is how it is done around here.

I grew up in an area that was an all white community and realtors wouldn't imagine of selling a house to someone other than whitey, they would be cutting their own throats because of their selling fee, however one family was allowed to buy a house because he was related to someone famous.  That was my one "colored" neighbor growing up.  Things have changed a lot in 20 years.  Some good, some bad.  It's a shame when NYC and Jersey a**holes decide to move in this area because it's cheaper than their "home", as many use this area for a drug distribution hub for several areas.


Nice try, but I was a private security dispatcher in Bel-Air, so we were catching most of the calls (we had a better response time) and I can guarantee none of them were for criminal offenses. Over 95% were for calls just like this. Like the people who were so paranoid of burglars they had motion sensor lights all around the house in a remote mountain area--but were pissed when the deer and raccoons set them off all night long. We took lots of calls for wild animals in the backyards; my fave was the lady who wanted me to send an officer to shoot the skunk under her porch.

Then there was the call of "someone screaming". I sent an officer: he heard nothing. Another call "They're still screaming!" The officer went back, this time went all around the house. It was a TV, on the Cartoon Network. The volume was a little loud, and the resident had fallen asleep.

There's just not a lot of crime in these areas--but there ARE a lot of paranoid people.
2013-02-16 03:24:49 PM  
1 vote:

Shaggy_C: JohnnyRebel88: The police might not be reporting other criminal offenses, as this is done in my area to keep the property values stable. It's all smoke and mirrors. Never trust police and their agenda when it comes to disclosing all the information.

And let's not forget sheer laziness.  Last time i had an attempted break-in, I called the cops and the guy on the line made it sound like the fact that he would have to fill out paperwork and send a form in the mail would just be so difficult that it wasn't even worth the effort and if I wanted an officer to come out I would need to sit there and spend an entire day off work to wait for them.  I wonder how many thousands of property crimes of that sort are never reported for that very reason?


It's like you wrote a brochure for Toledo.
2013-02-16 03:15:48 PM  
1 vote:
These residents pay the high taxes that cover the police department's labor costs.  They can use the police for whatever reason (no matter how seemingly frivolous) they want.
2013-02-16 03:10:21 PM  
1 vote:

scottydoesntknow: That wasn't a man delivering a package, that was a rapist who knows how to cover his tracks when discovered


What's his fark handle
2013-02-16 01:43:12 PM  
1 vote:
I bet every one of those calls originated from the same person.  Many of us had a crazy old bat like that in the neighborhoods we grew up in...
2013-02-16 12:48:00 PM  
1 vote:
OMG this is about RICH PEOPLE? Let's all be OUTRAGED and grind them into free meatloaf for the poor.
 
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