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(The Smoking Gun)   Of course, it's always the indefinite article "driving with A dildo in his mouth". Never, "driving with HIS dildo in his mouth"   (thesmokinggun.com) divider line 58
    More: Weird  
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6705 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Feb 2013 at 2:09 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-15 11:30:49 PM  
"you are charged with one count of VT&L 802.1q, to wit: driving with caps lock on. How do you plead?"
 
2013-02-16 12:09:22 AM  
It's against the law to suck a dildo in the park?
 
2013-02-16 12:14:08 AM  
"SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY".

My new go-to excuse for anything.
 
2013-02-16 12:50:01 AM  
The dildo aficionado was arrested for disorderly conduct in a public park

He was in his own car sucking on a plastic toy.  How is that disorderly conduct?
 
2013-02-16 02:14:37 AM  
Well, that's something new.
 
2013-02-16 02:16:25 AM  
farm6.static.flickr.com
 
2013-02-16 02:17:22 AM  
Of course, it's company policy never to imply ownership in the event of a dildo...
 
2013-02-16 02:19:35 AM  
And babies everywhere get a free pass
 
2013-02-16 02:22:21 AM  
They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.
 
2013-02-16 02:22:50 AM  
This story is certainly a mouthful, guaranteed to get blown out of proportion.
 
2013-02-16 02:25:44 AM  
static.insided.nl

Can't talk to you, Bert- I got a dildo in my mouth!
 
2013-02-16 02:27:16 AM  
Peering into the vehicle, Allen "saw a flesh colored dildo lying on the passenger seat."
During questioning, the man admitted that he was "suffing awn mah wilwo." He added, "ayem wowwy."


FTFY
 
2013-02-16 02:29:50 AM  

MisterTweak: "you are charged with one count of VT&L 802.1q, to wit: driving with caps lock on. How do you plead?"


"I'm sorry." As seen in the report, those quotes are rendered for some reason in capital letters.

Cops always type their reports in caps and I haven't quite figured out why yet. At first I thought it was just because they are too dumb, and maybe a little prejudiced against "office work" to learn how to type. But then my friend, who holds a Masters Degree in some shiat, explained to me that legal documents typed in caps have some sort of magical power.

But then he's in jail on a contempt of court charge, so I can't really follow up.
 
2013-02-16 02:30:49 AM  
Why are old people some of the kinkiest farkers around? I worked at a hospital for a while, and we had a 76 year old man with a can of hairspray in his ass who had to be rushed into surgury.
 
2013-02-16 02:31:42 AM  
i50.tinypic.com
 
2013-02-16 02:32:25 AM  
true story. one of my ex gfs just loved blowing me. no, calm down, true story. but, she really sucked at it. not that she couldnt, but she wouldnt put it all in her mouth. like some ultimate tease. I was pissed. well she had a dildo that was even bigger than me. so I told her that if I could put that thing all the way down my throat she could farking do the same.

I did. the whole damn thing. Im not even gay but dammit women who cant put that whole thing down their throat just pisses me off. its not that hard. err difficult.
 
2013-02-16 02:39:47 AM  
Blurring out inanimate objects. /sigh
So...it has come to this.
 
2013-02-16 02:40:53 AM  

universebetween: true story. one of my ex gfs just loved blowing me. no, calm down, true story. but, she really sucked at it. not that she couldnt, but she wouldnt put it all in her mouth. like some ultimate tease. I was pissed. well she had a dildo that was even bigger than me. so I told her that if I could put that thing all the way down my throat she could farking do the same.

I did. the whole damn thing. Im not even gay but dammit women who cant put that whole thing down their throat just pisses me off. its not that hard. err difficult.


We all know the logical conclusion to this story. Hope both your asses healed up in time for work Monday.
 
2013-02-16 02:44:03 AM  

Bathysphere: Why are old people some of the kinkiest farkers around? I worked at a hospital for a while, and we had a 76 year old man with a can of hairspray in his ass who had to be rushed into surgury.


Well I guess if you haven't done it yet ,well, times getting short O_o
 
2013-02-16 02:44:25 AM  

Gyrfalcon: They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.


Not to split hairs, but that picture looks like a vibrator, not a dildo.
 
2013-02-16 02:44:50 AM  
You can't really dust for dildos.
 
2013-02-16 02:45:14 AM  

MisterTweak: "you are charged with one count of VT&L 802.1q, to wit: driving with caps lock on. How do you plead?"


I was within my own subnet and the traffic was not routable.

Lsherm: The dildo aficionado was arrested for disorderly conduct in a public park

He was in his own car sucking on a plastic toy.  How is that disorderly conduct?


Sounds like he spent some time driving around the park while he was doing it and freaked out the squares. Also, he was driving without a seatbelt. Only commit one crime at once, and never upset the locals.
 
2013-02-16 02:45:54 AM  

Taylor Mental: MisterTweak: "you are charged with one count of VT&L 802.1q, to wit: driving with caps lock on. How do you plead?"

"I'm sorry." As seen in the report, those quotes are rendered for some reason in capital letters.

Cops always type their reports in caps and I haven't quite figured out why yet. At first I thought it was just because they are too dumb, and maybe a little prejudiced against "office work" to learn how to type. But then my friend, who holds a Masters Degree in some shiat, explained to me that legal documents typed in caps have some sort of magical power.

But then he's in jail on a contempt of court charge, so I can't really follow up.


It might be so that when the thing goes to court, the half-blind elderly judge can read the thing more easily; or alternatively if it has to be presented at trial, it looks better when displayed on a computer screen. That would be my first thought, having tried to read docs in lower case with my bad eyes and gotten headaches. Or it could go back to the Olden Days when cop typewriters still used ribbons and the lower-case letters were all gunky and hard to read, and nobody has figured out computers yet, which would be my other first thought.
 
2013-02-16 02:47:06 AM  

fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.

Not to split hairs, but that picture looks like a vibrator, not a dildo.


You seem to know a lot about this: )
/Maybe he was using it as an electric toothbrush.
 
2013-02-16 02:47:13 AM  
Did the police officer note if the dildo in question was bigger than a breadbox?
gocreate.com
/hot, unlike sucking on a dildo
 
2013-02-16 02:52:29 AM  
ts3.mm.bing.net

justice is blind... so how does she know which way the scales is leaning?
 
2013-02-16 02:55:39 AM  
The arresting officer is a right sicko.
 
2013-02-16 03:10:17 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Taylor Mental: MisterTweak: "you are charged with one count of VT&L 802.1q, to wit: driving with caps lock on. How do you plead?"

"I'm sorry." As seen in the report, those quotes are rendered for some reason in capital letters.

Cops always type their reports in caps and I haven't quite figured out why yet. At first I thought it was just because they are too dumb, and maybe a little prejudiced against "office work" to learn how to type. But then my friend, who holds a Masters Degree in some shiat, explained to me that legal documents typed in caps have some sort of magical power.

But then he's in jail on a contempt of court charge, so I can't really follow up.

It might be so that when the thing goes to court, the half-blind elderly judge can read the thing more easily; or alternatively if it has to be presented at trial, it looks better when displayed on a computer screen. That would be my first thought, having tried to read docs in lower case with my bad eyes and gotten headaches. Or it could go back to the Olden Days when cop typewriters still used ribbons and the lower-case letters were all gunky and hard to read, and nobody has figured out computers yet, which would be my other first thought.


I'm a little old myself and need glasses to read just about anything, and I can tell you print in all caps is NOT easier to read. I've done a little paralegal work in my life drafting legal documents, and reviewed many others, including police reports. Nobody but cops type out official documents, including long-winded narratives, in caps. Nobody likes it, not judges, not lawyers, and certainly not the clerks who have to wade through all the bullshiat errors of people who can't write on the level of a high school graduate.

It's damn frustrating in real life, just as it is on an internet message board.
 
2013-02-16 03:22:19 AM  

Rufus Lee King: othmar: [ts3.mm.bing.net image 300x239]

justice is blind... so how does she know which way the scales is leaning?

The scales of Justice are always balanced.

BTW, where's her blindfold?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x225]



well you would ask me ? i don't know is why i was asking ..
 
2013-02-16 03:29:29 AM  

Rufus Lee King: Sorry to do this again, but it is important to remember that Justice weeps blood.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 320x225]


Justice does not weep blood you silly tart.  It weeps grape drank.
 
2013-02-16 03:30:36 AM  
well i have been up this way for years now ..i have ms and don't sleep a lot

i have no ideal why justice is female
 
2013-02-16 04:00:36 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: This story is certainly a mouthful, guaranteed to get blown out of proportion.


I find that to be a bit hard to swallow.
 
2013-02-16 04:01:46 AM  

Oznog: Peering into the vehicle, Allen "saw a flesh colored dildo lying on the passenger seat."
During questioning, the man admitted that he was "suffing awn mah wilwo." He added, "ayem wowwy."

FTFY


With a dildo in your mouth, you speak only in vowels.
 
2013-02-16 04:32:40 AM  
Ok, the funniest thing is a lesbian with a strapon or two lesbians sharing a double dildo.  Have you ever heard two gay guys talking about using the double plastic vagina?  It's called penis envy.
 
2013-02-16 04:34:53 AM  
VROOM VROOM!

www.yearofthetigerlilly.com
 
2013-02-16 04:50:06 AM  

tinfoil-hat maggie: fusillade762: Gyrfalcon: They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.

Not to split hairs, but that picture looks like a vibrator, not a dildo.

You seem to know a lot about this: )
/Maybe he was using it as an electric toothbrush.


To this day, I still feel a little "dirty" using an electric toothbrush.

/To brush my teeth, obviously
 
2013-02-16 04:51:29 AM  
Can't you just leave the guy alone to enjoy his:
2.bp.blogspot.com

Damn those sticks that come with it, they're just too hard to hold when you're old and arthritic.
 
2013-02-16 05:34:16 AM  
Left out of the report was the cop saying, "voodoo dick, my ass"
 
2013-02-16 06:02:11 AM  
He's lucky he didn't get into an accident. The airbag could have blown that thing right out the back of his head.
 
2013-02-16 06:07:19 AM  
Eating corndogs in front of photographers still legal.

//insert your favorite politician-eating-a-corndog pic here
 
2013-02-16 06:17:50 AM  
Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?
 
2013-02-16 07:14:10 AM  

Bathysphere: Why are old people some of the kinkiest farkers around? I worked at a hospital for a while, and we had a 76 year old man with a can of hairspray in his ass who had to be rushed into surgury.


Because these days we can get help for certain things before they become a problem. No need to keep them trapped inside for decades and pretending we're a carbon copy of everything our parents pretended they were.
 
2013-02-16 07:32:40 AM  

Gyrfalcon: They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.


Maybe it was a Japanese dildo.
 
2013-02-16 07:48:37 AM  
"The dildo aficionado..."

Pluralize that and you got a band name that will never disappoint and always stay true to the gig.


OPENING FOR LADY GAGA ONE NIGHT ONLY........
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU...
THE DILDO AFICIONADOS!!!!

the crowd leaves their seats, never sits down 'til its completely finished.
 
2013-02-16 07:50:49 AM  

elvisaintdead: "The dildo aficionado..."

Pluralize that and you got a band name that will never disappoint and always stay true to the gig.


OPENING FOR LADY GAGA ONE NIGHT ONLY........
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I GIVE YOU...
THE DILDO AFICIONADOS!!!!

the crowd leaves their seats, never sits down 'til its completely finished.


What music, though? I hope it's sludge. I'm worried that it might be ska.
 
2013-02-16 08:00:32 AM  
And HIS dildo in A mouth?
 
2013-02-16 08:09:40 AM  
Well, if you ever think your life sucks, just remember that at least you're not driving around with a dildo in your mouth....
 
2013-02-16 09:10:12 AM  
Possible defense:

"Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me that that sort of thing is frowned upon..."
 
2013-02-16 09:52:21 AM  

jspenguin: "SUCKING ON A DILDO, I'M SORRY".

My new go-to excuse for anything.


I'm going to set my away status to that at work on Monday
 
2013-02-16 10:58:51 AM  

NutWrench: Gyrfalcon: They blurred the picture, but it still looks like a dildo.

Maybe it was a Japanese dildo.


Maybe it's in some sort of witness protection program?
 
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