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(CNN)   Women are hiring "Flirting Coaches" to land the perfect guy that's not you   (cnn.com) divider line 27
    More: Silly, Steinberg, pool halls  
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5280 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2013 at 11:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-15 11:36:35 AM
19 votes:
I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.
2013-02-15 10:11:28 AM
10 votes:

brap: Maintaining eye contact is key.



www.adweek.com

Yes, yes it is.
2013-02-15 11:44:55 AM
7 votes:

futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet


I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.
2013-02-15 09:58:29 AM
5 votes:
Maintaining eye contact is key.

GAH, YOU IDIOT! I DIDN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LITERALLY TOUCH MY EYES!
2013-02-15 11:50:44 AM
4 votes:

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


img.photobucket.com
2013-02-15 12:36:40 PM
3 votes:
My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.
2013-02-15 11:42:22 AM
3 votes:
Just walk up and say "How you doin?"

The key is emphasizing the "you". It's makes them feel special.
2013-02-15 10:54:36 PM
2 votes:

megarian: ProfessorOhki: noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)

9 years? But the watermark says 2004 and that was only like a few yea- FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

65/f Orlando Florida. Looking for a young guy not addicted to meths. Kids okay. I have 17 kids and 9 grandchildren.


Are any of them hot?
2013-02-15 03:25:37 PM
2 votes:

lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.


She was originally my son. Surprise!
2013-02-15 12:02:15 PM
2 votes:

gamergirl23: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

How do you get those drunk first?


The alligators? Easy. Fill a baby with whiskey (vodka will do in a pinch). Scent the baby with Cheetos by placing Cheetos and baby in a large bag. Shake vigorously (alligators love Cheetos). Throw the baby in front of alligator. Leave nature to do the rest.

You're welcome.
2013-02-15 12:01:07 PM
2 votes:

Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.


Of course not.  No thumbs.
2013-02-15 11:47:53 AM
2 votes:
this is how you do it:

img252.imageshack.us

It's really that simple. Do that and get any guy you want....
2013-02-15 11:41:42 AM
2 votes:

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I have to say, this is the singularly most disturbing thing I have read today.  Congratulations...it's not often I have to stop and say something because it's just so wrong.
2013-02-15 11:40:45 AM
2 votes:
My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet
2013-02-15 10:07:04 AM
2 votes:
Just like to say if any Farkettes feel the need to practice their flirty skills I'll be over here.

*waits*

*looks at watch*

No rush.
2013-02-15 04:42:06 PM
1 votes:

megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.


Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)
2013-02-15 02:38:22 PM
1 votes:

unfarkingbelievable: All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.


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2013-02-15 12:41:32 PM
1 votes:
The sound of one hand clapping: "Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not."

Problem: girls who don't know how to flirt generally *have no clue* they don't know how to flirt.
I'd be willing to bet the girls in these 'flirting classes' (to the extent they exist) *aren't* the ones who don't know how to flirt.
They're the ones who flirt just fine, but aren't getting asked out for whatever reason and would rather latch onto an 'easy fix' explanation than do some serious self-examination.

Because it's much easier for someone to entertain the idea of "I'm bad at flirting" than "I don't take care of myself" or "I come off like a psycho hose beast".
2013-02-15 12:17:59 PM
1 votes:

Bedstead Polisher: The sound of one hand clapping: Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.


Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.

I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.




A good start would be to take the duct tape off your nipples.
2013-02-15 12:09:55 PM
1 votes:

PanicMan: Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.

Of course not.  No thumbs.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
2013-02-15 11:53:04 AM
1 votes:

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.
2013-02-15 11:46:17 AM
1 votes:

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


How do you get those drunk first?
2013-02-15 11:42:32 AM
1 votes:

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry or throw up. I think I'll do all three.
2013-02-15 11:41:03 AM
1 votes:
I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.
2013-02-15 11:40:51 AM
1 votes:

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


This is why you are on my favorites list, you sick bastage you. +1
2013-02-15 11:40:41 AM
1 votes:

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


So...who's up for some baseball?
2013-02-15 10:20:00 AM
1 votes:
Step 1. Show your boobs
Step 2. ...
Step 3. Profit.

There you go.  Now consider yourself coached.
 
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