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(CNN)   Women are hiring "Flirting Coaches" to land the perfect guy that's not you   (cnn.com) divider line 172
    More: Silly, Steinberg, pool halls  
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5272 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2013 at 11:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-15 02:11:29 PM

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.
 
2013-02-15 02:18:42 PM
Look me in the eye while smiling as we talk.

AAAAND done.

Can I has my flirting coach payday now?
 
2013-02-15 02:18:53 PM
Pay attention to people when they speak to you.

Pay more covert attention to people you're attracted to when not speaking directly with them.

Ask them if they'd like to go out for dinner/coffee/dancing/badminton/whatever.  When date is made, say something to the effect of "yay, it's a date."

Continue to become progressively less subtle if they don't get it.

Done.  It's not exactly rocket science.

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


To not flirt:

Pay attention when people are talking to you, but restrict it to eye contact.

Avoid all other steps.

When asked on a date/for sex/etc, say "no".

Don't get all weird and hung up about it, or hedge your "no", just "no" and then you're done.

Done.  Mission accomplished.
 
2013-02-15 02:21:48 PM

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


That's just the price you pay as a professional rodeo clown.

wild9: spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.

Been watching a bit of Southpark?


I just had to stand and listen - AGAIN - to the neighbors wringing their hands about the "rainbow parties" all the kids are having - you know, over at Jimmie's friend's piano teacher's son's soccer teammate's house. OMG THE CHILDREN
 
2013-02-15 02:27:56 PM

megarian: That was probably me. Was it because I mentioned that I keep all my deceased beta fish stapled to my wall? Or was it the Phineas and Ferb tattoo? It was the beta fish thing, wasn't it?

Can't win 'em all.


I've got to know... Are we talking like, 2-3 by the tails to a bulletin board in a row... or like, 1/2" staples through the center of mass into some sort of 6-foot-wide scaly mosaic?
 
2013-02-15 02:28:04 PM
I'm a guy. So here is the one simple honest suggestion to women who want to meet that guy. Catch his eye when he looks at you.

We guys know that women are already aware of whenever a man looks at a woman. A woman can sense a man checking her out. You just need to reciprocate and accept that check-out.

When I check out a woman and she doesn't reciprocate, I move on to the next one. If she reciprocates by looking back and smiles, then I move on with her. If she gives me a nasty look, then I definitely move on.

Done. Book it.
 
2013-02-15 02:31:19 PM
Since we're all shallow carbon copies of each other, that behave exactly the same in all circumstances, I'll bet that romantically attracting someone can be boiled down to a few simple sentences that will work for all people in all situations.
 
2013-02-15 02:36:10 PM

ProfessorOhki: megarian: That was probably me. Was it because I mentioned that I keep all my deceased beta fish stapled to my wall? Or was it the Phineas and Ferb tattoo? It was the beta fish thing, wasn't it?

Can't win 'em all.

I've got to know... Are we talking like, 2-3 by the tails to a bulletin board in a row... or like, 1/2" staples through the center of mass into some sort of 6-foot-wide scaly mosaic?


They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.
 
2013-02-15 02:38:22 PM

unfarkingbelievable: All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.


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2013-02-15 02:39:52 PM

noitsnot: I just had to stand and listen - AGAIN - to the neighbors wringing their hands about the "rainbow parties" all the kids are having - you know, over at Jimmie's friend's piano teacher's son's soccer teammate's house. OMG THE CHILDREN


I had to assure my sister in-law that, indeed, those don't happen. I was in a pretty hardcore party crowd in high school. While we had a few girls that didn't mind sleeping with anyone cute, none of the girls were open to blowing random people. Swingers are a very rare breed. I have met only two in my life.
 
2013-02-15 02:46:36 PM

megarian: They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.


Which flavor of faygo do you prefer?
 
2013-02-15 02:51:09 PM
Don't be fat.

Pick whatever guy you want.

Chicks have it so easy.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-15 02:54:08 PM
A women could always keep cards like this on hand to give to her dates.
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Kinda simplifies things, doesn't it?
 
2013-02-15 02:54:22 PM

lockers: megarian: They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.

Which flavor of faygo do you prefer?


Rock n Rye. For a truly trashey and delicious evening (or morning), add Black Velvet. Serve in Solo cups that have been washed and reused several times. Garnish with magnets.
 
2013-02-15 02:54:46 PM
Meh, amateurs
hollywooddame.com
 
2013-02-15 02:58:09 PM
I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.
 
2013-02-15 02:58:17 PM

royone: unfarkingbelievable: All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 260x194]
etc.



They are so cute when they are angry.
 
2013-02-15 03:00:00 PM

Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.


Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......
 
2013-02-15 03:02:09 PM
Ha! For a second I thought the headline said farting coaches.
 
2013-02-15 03:04:53 PM

wild9: spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.

Been watching a bit of Southpark?


Sounds more like taking her daughter to the leather scene in NY.

/I saw a documentary once on Vice
//Really
 
2013-02-15 03:05:49 PM

chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......


I'm great once the ice is broken. I suck at breaking the ice.  Start there.
 
2013-02-15 03:08:05 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


More than I really wanted to know

/really a bookmark for this thread
 
2013-02-15 03:11:03 PM

Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.



You're not alone. I've missed out on several opportunities when women were actually trying to sleep with me, based on subsequent conversations after it was too late to happen. At other times I've been unable to determine if I wasn't conveying my interest or if a woman was just politely acting oblivious in order to spare my feelings.

It's a very interesting phenomenon of different women requiring vastly different levels of directness that I now no longer attribute to head games. More likely it's just the dramatically varying nature of individuals.
 
2013-02-15 03:18:48 PM

megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.


It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.
 
2013-02-15 03:22:57 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


Hey Drew, start a dating service for Farkers already!
 
2013-02-15 03:25:37 PM

lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.


She was originally my son. Surprise!
 
2013-02-15 03:28:32 PM

chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......


I'll get you started:
1) Yes clothes matter.  Buy some somewhat neat and nice looking clothes.  Get real shoes.
2) Basic manners go a long way.  Introduce yourself to people.  Exchange pleasantries.
3) Do things in the sunlight world.  People (girls) are interested in people that have achieved things.
 
2013-02-15 03:30:50 PM

noitsnot: chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

I'll get you started:
1) Yes clothes matter.  Buy some somewhat neat and nice looking clothes.  Get real shoes.
2) Basic manners go a long way.  Introduce yourself to people.  Exchange pleasantries.
3) Do things in the sunlight world.  People (girls) are interested in people that have achieved things.


2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.
 
2013-02-15 03:32:20 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


Checks profile...
If that is your pic in your profile, you don't need it.
 
2013-02-15 03:36:35 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


On the advice of the intarwebs, I checked your profile.

How you doing?
 
2013-02-15 03:38:15 PM

megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!


As long as she had good surgeons.

static.episode39.it
 
2013-02-15 03:40:29 PM

lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.


...weirdest boner...
 
2013-02-15 03:52:46 PM

noitsnot: 2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.


You may have to rehearse common questions and have prepared answers. Keep it simple and light. Job, interests, pets, travel.

Also, be ready to say things that fill space in a conversation, but don't mean anything.  "I know, right?" and "That's crazy" work well.    Often you can repeat back 90% of what the person said to you in your response.
 
2013-02-15 03:56:28 PM

PanicMan: noitsnot: 2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.

You may have to rehearse common questions and have prepared answers. Keep it simple and light. Job, interests, pets, travel.

Also, be ready to say things that fill space in a conversation, but don't mean anything.  "I know, right?" and "That's crazy" work well.    Often you can repeat back 90% of what the person said to you in your response.


When talking with a woman, I've found that if you use the following terms, you're golden:
"What a biatch!"
"Well of course. Obviously she was wrong!"
 
2013-02-15 03:58:26 PM

lockers: Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.

On the advice of the intarwebs, I checked your profile.

How you doing?


See, Snook, What'd I tell you?
 
2013-02-15 04:04:43 PM

megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...


Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?
 
2013-02-15 04:12:51 PM

20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?


Perpetually.
 
2013-02-15 04:12:58 PM

20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?


She is very, very purdy.  Perhaps those beta fish on her wall use masonry screws instead of the proper mounting pins used by entomologists.  Cray cray?  Meh, I'd  club a drunk alligator and run zig zags after her with my weird boner.
 
2013-02-15 04:37:09 PM
"The perfect guy" is someone they have already friend zoned, and aren't even considering. The one they mistakenly think is "The perfect guy" will never settle down, as least not with them.
 
2013-02-15 04:38:08 PM

Valeriyance: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

She is very, very purdy.  Perhaps those beta fish on her wall use masonry screws instead of the proper mounting pins used by entomologists.  Cray cray?  Meh, I'd  club a drunk alligator and run zig zags after her with my weird boner.


Fried drunk alligator is the way to my heart.
 
2013-02-15 04:41:57 PM

lockers: chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

I'm great once the ice is broken. I suck at breaking the ice.  Start there.


Alright.  The vast majority of women still want/prefer/need the guy to make the first move.  Even if it's sending her a drink from afar to see if you get a friendly smile & either prolonged or recurring eye contact .  Don't feel like investing in a drink?  No problem.  Ask her if she wants company, if you can sit or hang out nearby while you wait for your friends to come or something as simple as whether or not she likes the club/restaurant/food/drinks/music.  That's it.  Then pay attention to her verbal response & body language.   If you don't get at least a somewhat welcoming response, the ice isn't breaking.  A swing & a miss...so what.  Choose another & try again.  The important thing is to keep stepping up to bat.  The more you try, the more comfortable you will be with attempting the ice breaking & looking comfortable & confident...  But don't think we don't like a little shyness.  And humility.  Unless you're sure she goes for the asshole bad boys.  Then, what the hell?  Geeks & nerds like role playing.  Pretend you are LARPing.  Be a rogue.  See if it works.

Did you get another smile & a friendly answer? Great.  Ask questions.  Most people love to talk about themselves.  What other places/music/etc. does she like.  Notice her shoes or clothes.  Say they are pretty.  If she isn't really pretty, tell her she is.  If she is really pretty, tell her she is exquisite (they love that one, beautiful gets "old" ).  Eyes are always safe to comment on ("enchanting" is a favorite of my female friends). Never, ever, ever comment on her tits or ass.  And try not to stare openly.
When in comes to introduce yourself, extend your hand for hers.  If she gives it to you, kiss it!  Seriously.  Women melt.  Make it a habit, in fact.  Just think chivalrous thoughts, not creepy ones while you do it.  We can tell.  Your female "friends" make rethink your just-friend status.

Ice is now totally broken. Now is the time to buy her a drink or share your appetizer, fries or dessert.  Be a gentleman, but know that those stupid romance novels make women think they want a "slightly naughty" gentleman.  Try not to fart.

I have to go now, so here's some of my best stuff farkers.  Is she smiling/laughing, making frequent eye contact &/or playing with her hair &/or licking her lips or tracing a finger over her glass?  Lucky you.  The one & only pick up line that has ever worked on me (mostly because I'm a huntress & prefer the chase) was: (whispered in her ear)  "I will make you cum before my pants even come off" or "My dad/brother/whatever always told me to please the woman first...".

Now, clean the pipes first & go practice.
 
2013-02-15 04:42:06 PM

megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.


Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)
 
2013-02-15 04:46:19 PM

uncoveror: "The perfect guy" is someone they have already friend zoned, and aren't even considering. The one they mistakenly think is "The perfect guy" will never settle down, as least not with them.


Trollolololololol
 
2013-02-15 04:54:15 PM
Women and their darn standards.  They could have any skeezy guy they want.  Like me.
 
2013-02-15 04:56:09 PM
Thanks chaosangel! That is some seriously good advice.
 
2013-02-15 04:57:47 PM

theurge14: Women and their darn standards.  They could have any skeezy guy they want.  Like me.


Women want one man forever. Men want every woman once. And who among us can say which viewpoint is superior?
 
2013-02-15 04:58:18 PM
megarian:

Fried drunk alligator is the way to my heart.

Fresh out, but I am baking chocolate chip cookies right now.
 
2013-02-15 04:58:45 PM

noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)


Ha I wish... I looked way better at 17. That guy hasn't changed his watermark forever. Michigan State University art department is the opposite of professional.
 
2013-02-15 05:00:24 PM

noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)


Or maybe he has. I think he got in trouble for stealing someone's work. Go State!!
 
2013-02-15 05:13:32 PM

99.998er: spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.

I have a bar buddy that happens to be a mortician, also. He invites me to come by his work from time to time to share a "cold one". Never took him up on that, but perhaps I should rethink that.


dead girls don't say no!
 
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