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(CNN)   Women are hiring "Flirting Coaches" to land the perfect guy that's not you   (cnn.com) divider line 172
    More: Silly, Steinberg, pool halls  
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5277 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2013 at 11:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



172 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-02-15 09:58:29 AM
Maintaining eye contact is key.

GAH, YOU IDIOT! I DIDN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LITERALLY TOUCH MY EYES!
 
2013-02-15 10:07:04 AM
Just like to say if any Farkettes feel the need to practice their flirty skills I'll be over here.

*waits*

*looks at watch*

No rush.
 
2013-02-15 10:11:28 AM

brap: Maintaining eye contact is key.



www.adweek.com

Yes, yes it is.
 
2013-02-15 10:20:00 AM
Step 1. Show your boobs
Step 2. ...
Step 3. Profit.

There you go.  Now consider yourself coached.
 
2013-02-15 11:06:50 AM
So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know
 
2013-02-15 11:15:28 AM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know


Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.
 
2013-02-15 11:22:49 AM

Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.


Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.
 
2013-02-15 11:32:05 AM
How to flirt; a woman's guide:

1. Acknowledge your prospective mate.
2. Success.

/Ah Duuuurrrrrrr.
 
2013-02-15 11:33:45 AM
Do the lessons include "This delicious dinner I made is way too big for me. Would you like some?"
 
2013-02-15 11:35:04 AM
Flirting Coaches

WRONG:
nbcsportsmedia.msnbc.com

WRONGER
l2.yimg.com
 
2013-02-15 11:35:25 AM
Of course, if dudes did this, the coaches would be called "registered sex offenders."

/sorry ladies, but it *is* a double standard
 
2013-02-15 11:36:09 AM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know



So the first lesson of Whore School is...INCEPTION ?
 
2013-02-15 11:36:35 AM
I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.
 
2013-02-15 11:39:07 AM

minoridiot: Step 1. Show your boobs
Step 2. ...
Step 3. Profit.

There you go.  Now consider yourself coached.


^Also works for "paying for college".
 
2013-02-15 11:40:41 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


So...who's up for some baseball?
 
2013-02-15 11:40:45 AM
My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet
 
2013-02-15 11:40:51 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


This is why you are on my favorites list, you sick bastage you. +1
 
2013-02-15 11:41:03 AM
I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.
 
2013-02-15 11:41:42 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I have to say, this is the singularly most disturbing thing I have read today.  Congratulations...it's not often I have to stop and say something because it's just so wrong.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:22 AM
Just walk up and say "How you doin?"

The key is emphasizing the "you". It's makes them feel special.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:32 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry or throw up. I think I'll do all three.
 
2013-02-15 11:44:07 AM

WhippingBoy: I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.


I'd also invest in a fertility clinic/sperm bank. Those would also skyrocket
 
2013-02-15 11:44:55 AM

futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet


I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.
 
2013-02-15 11:45:20 AM
I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.
 
2013-02-15 11:46:17 AM

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


How do you get those drunk first?
 
2013-02-15 11:47:53 AM
this is how you do it:

img252.imageshack.us

It's really that simple. Do that and get any guy you want....
 
2013-02-15 11:50:44 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-15 11:53:04 AM

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.
 
2013-02-15 11:53:35 AM

Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.


Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.
 
2013-02-15 11:54:11 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


Welcome to my favorites list... after I take a shower.
 
2013-02-15 11:56:53 AM
I wonder if the coach has a binder full of men to choose from?
 
2013-02-15 11:57:33 AM
Or for free you can say "I'll have sex with you if you want". That seems to work really well.
 
2013-02-15 11:58:10 AM

WhippingBoy: Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.

Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.


No, the author sounds like she'd be one of those women trying to find someone to support the kid. She'd still go out with her girlfriends once everyone stopped focusing on her and started focusing on the kid (the appeal of having the kid disappears) and then you'd be stuck with the screaming toddler
 
2013-02-15 11:59:32 AM

Aar1012: WhippingBoy: Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.

Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.

No, the author sounds like she'd be one of those women trying to find someone to support the kid. She'd still go out with her girlfriends once everyone stopped focusing on her and started focusing on the kid (the appeal of having the kid disappears) and then you'd be stuck with the screaming toddler


Sure, if you're dumb enough to use your real name.

Signed,

Max Power
 
2013-02-15 12:00:35 PM
Flirting is for amateurs. Now seduction that is an art.

"The next time you try to seduce anyone, don't do it with talk, with words. Women know more about words than men ever will. And they know how little they can ever possibly mean."
― William Faulkner

img208.imageshack.us
 
2013-02-15 12:01:07 PM

Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.


Of course not.  No thumbs.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:15 PM

gamergirl23: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

How do you get those drunk first?


The alligators? Easy. Fill a baby with whiskey (vodka will do in a pinch). Scent the baby with Cheetos by placing Cheetos and baby in a large bag. Shake vigorously (alligators love Cheetos). Throw the baby in front of alligator. Leave nature to do the rest.

You're welcome.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:48 PM
Swing at every ball...

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-02-15 12:02:55 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


*takes note.  Fifteen hours you say?
 
2013-02-15 12:05:36 PM
I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:13 PM

Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.


It's the crocodiles you gotta be careful with, all smiley and stuff. You just can't trust them.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:04 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I have a bar buddy that happens to be a mortician, also. He invites me to come by his work from time to time to share a "cold one". Never took him up on that, but perhaps I should rethink that.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:24 PM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know


But wait!  There's more!  Then they'll biatch to all their friends that you're too dense to be worth their time!  All because you weren't aware that being approached by a girl with her hand in her left pocket means she wants to bone you in the restroom.

/pff.  flirting.  what, are these ladies 15?
 
2013-02-15 12:09:55 PM

PanicMan: Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.

Of course not.  No thumbs.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-15 12:10:51 PM

futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet


Anything less than this is half assing it.
 
2013-02-15 12:11:45 PM

ajgeek: Of course, if dudes did this, the coaches would be called "registered sex offenders."

/sorry ladies, but it *is* a double standard


upload.wikimedia.org

/Actually an interesting read.
 
2013-02-15 12:12:27 PM
cartermatt.com

Liz: Hey, Frank! What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you are gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she is in porn.
 
2013-02-15 12:12:33 PM
My ability to choose moments to throw caution to the wind and not care about looking like a complete idiot has yet to pay off.

But it feels like I'm on the right track.
 
2013-02-15 12:13:24 PM

The sound of one hand clapping: Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.

Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.


I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.
 
2013-02-15 12:13:46 PM
WhippingBoy: "Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions."

Because I don't want to have to deal with the consequences of their "bad decisions." And the crazy can be very clever when it comes to tracking down the focus of their obsessions.

Geez, it isn't like sex with womyn is all that hard to get. And most of them don't need to become drama queens about it. Quality over quantity is usually worth the trade-off, at least in my admittedly limited experience.

/Current GF is getting on in years but still 20 less than me; besides, she's a keeper.
 
2013-02-15 12:17:33 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Flirting is for amateurs. Now seduction that is an art.

"The next time you try to seduce anyone, don't do it with talk, with words. Women know more about words than men ever will. And they know how little they can ever possibly mean."
― William Faulkner

[img208.imageshack.us image 486x600]


Her knees eyebrows are too sharp.
 
2013-02-15 12:17:54 PM
I suppose that you might need flirting lessons if you are fat and/or ugly.  But if you are halfway attractive at all,  all one has to do is what that earworm woman of last summer suggested "Call me maybe"---give the guy your telephone number.  The dating scene is confusing and uncertain, and you could very well waste all your charm on some great guy who is interested in you because of it. But do this and in one fell swoop you wade through all the BS and cut to the chase.

/why would you fark around and pay some conwoman pickup artist good money when you could just do this?
 
2013-02-15 12:17:59 PM

Bedstead Polisher: The sound of one hand clapping: Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.


Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.

I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.




A good start would be to take the duct tape off your nipples.
 
2013-02-15 12:19:18 PM

Snarfangel: spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.

So...who's up for some baseball?


If she had just told me that it might not have ended this way.

I keed
 
kab
2013-02-15 12:21:22 PM

Lernaeus: I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is.


Odd.  I'm right 100% of the time, because I just assume it never happens :)

/it doesn't.
 
2013-02-15 12:22:35 PM

Bedstead Polisher: I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.


Skip the signals, ask him out. Or tell him "You're taking me out this weekend.  Pick a good Italian place."  Seriously, just go for it.  At the very least he'll know you're interested.
 
2013-02-15 12:23:46 PM

99.998er: A good start would be to take the duct tape off your nipples.


*looks down* makes me come across as a prude, doesn't it?
 
2013-02-15 12:27:35 PM
Next time you go out, suspend the attention-whoring twunt act and agree to go out on a date with the guy who spent the evening respectfully engaging you.

There you go, ladies, free of charge!
 
2013-02-15 12:29:58 PM

PanicMan: Bedstead Polisher: I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.

Skip the signals, ask him out. Or tell him "You're taking me out this weekend.  Pick a good Italian place."  Seriously, just go for it.  At the very least he'll know you're interested.


We've gone out, and I always do the asking. Mostly because he seems interested (like, he'll notice if I'm not around), but doesn't ask, and I start thinking that maybe I'm stand-offish, so I'll suggest we go out.
I think that in general, when I really like a guy, I'm too afraid of messing it up that I don't put myself out there enough, and I think that that is probably my downfall. As "The sound of one hand clapping" said, when a girl flirts with him, he feels good about himself. Who wants to be with a girl who doesn't do that?
 
2013-02-15 12:30:19 PM

Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.


That is the truth! My current girlfriend just flat out asked me out on a date. Took me to dinner and to see The Hobbit and paid for it! She is awesome.
 
2013-02-15 12:33:57 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


Pure gold.
 
2013-02-15 12:36:03 PM

Bedstead Polisher: I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.


There are ways to unambiguously indicate your interest without the possibility of making a fool of yourself.
"Hey, here's my number; give me a call and we'll go out some night." or "You want to have dinner with me tonight?" would work.  Just make it clear enough that it is a date and not just two buddies going for a beer after work.

Women who need help flirting seem to have forgotten that most men, are at the most basic level, cavemen.  We tend to miss subtleties like compliments, but do respond to getting hit over the head with obvious facts.

If he's single, you're single, and you don't look like spentmiles 15-hour old orgasming corpse, then a man who gets asked out WILL accept.  The chance of rejection is virtually identical to the chances that he's married and/or a priest.
 
2013-02-15 12:36:40 PM
My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.
 
2013-02-15 12:37:09 PM
Show some cleavage.
If that fails, drop hints about swallowing.
If that fails, he's gay.
 
2013-02-15 12:41:32 PM
The sound of one hand clapping: "Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not."

Problem: girls who don't know how to flirt generally *have no clue* they don't know how to flirt.
I'd be willing to bet the girls in these 'flirting classes' (to the extent they exist) *aren't* the ones who don't know how to flirt.
They're the ones who flirt just fine, but aren't getting asked out for whatever reason and would rather latch onto an 'easy fix' explanation than do some serious self-examination.

Because it's much easier for someone to entertain the idea of "I'm bad at flirting" than "I don't take care of myself" or "I come off like a psycho hose beast".
 
2013-02-15 12:45:57 PM

Bedstead Polisher: The sound of one hand clapping: Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.

Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.

I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.


For what it's worth, don't worry about the super subtle stuff because us guys wont notice that anyway.

The stuff that I really like the most and that's also easy to spot is either when the girl playfully touches me on the arm a few times whilst chatting, makes sustained eye contact or plays with her hair.  That kind of stuff is pretty easy to spot and it automatically makes me feel good about the conversation.  And the best part is that it doesn't make you vulnerable to any sort of rejection.

The subtle stuff like which way her body is facing or whether her legs are crossed, all that stuff, nope, I wouldn't notice that.
 
2013-02-15 12:46:26 PM

varmitydog: I suppose that you might need flirting lessons if you are fat and/or ugly.  But if you are halfway attractive at all,  all one has to do is what that earworm woman of last summer suggested "Call me maybe"---give the guy your telephone number.  The dating scene is confusing and uncertain, and you could very well waste all your charm on some great guy who is interested in you because of it. But do this and in one fell swoop you wade through all the BS and cut to the chase.

/why would you fark around and pay some conwoman pickup artist good money when you could just do this?


I disagree. These women aren't trying to merely land an average or decent guy; they're trying to land a guy just like that guy from that awesome Romantic Comedy they saw last weekend.
Guys like that (if they even exist) could afford to be *extremely* selective, and would, in all likelihood, would only be interested in women who are as attractive, witty and smart as they are.
For the low, low price of $200 an hour, I can teach these women how to land that guy. They deserve better.
 
2013-02-15 12:48:37 PM

Bedstead Polisher: I think that in general, when I really like a guy, I'm too afraid of messing it up that I don't put myself out there enough, and I think that that is probably my downfall.


Trust me, guys do that too.  Maybe he's the same way?  Dating isn't easy, good luck.
 
2013-02-15 12:49:00 PM

spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.


Been watching a bit of Southpark?
 
2013-02-15 12:49:49 PM

spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.


You rock, spent. You rock.
 
2013-02-15 12:52:09 PM

Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.


I don't remember posting in this thread already... But yeah, you're not alone in that problem. I have this bad tendency to assume a girl isn't interested in me, so I don't realize it when they are.
 
2013-02-15 12:57:18 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I've had you favorited for quite some time now and when I see your special color come up, I make sure I do not have a mouth full of any beverage before reading further.  I learned my lesson long ago to do this.  Once again I'm glad I did.
 
2013-02-15 12:57:57 PM

megarian: gamergirl23: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

How do you get those drunk first?

The alligators? Easy. Fill a baby with whiskey (vodka will do in a pinch). Scent the baby with Cheetos by placing Cheetos and baby in a large bag. Shake vigorously (alligators love Cheetos). Throw the baby in front of alligator. Leave nature to do the rest.

You're welcome.



/Why you just got favorited.
 
2013-02-15 01:00:35 PM

WhippingBoy: I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.


I've noticed the same thing too it's crazy - especially on online dating websites. I gave that plenty of fish site a try. I'm a decent looking guy, never had too much trouble getting girlfriends in real life - but on that site? Pffff I couldn't even get a response back from hardly anyone. Every average to below average looking girl on that site expects a tall, dark, handsome, millionaire who writes love haiku's and owns multiple vacation homes.
 
2013-02-15 01:05:33 PM

The sound of one hand clapping: For what it's worth, don't worry about the super subtle stuff because us guys wont notice that anyway.

The stuff that I really like the most and that's also easy to spot is either when the girl playfully touches me on the arm a few times whilst chatting, makes sustained eye contact or plays with her hair. That kind of stuff is pretty easy to spot and it automatically makes me feel good about the conversation. And the best part is that it doesn't make you vulnerable to any sort of rejection.

The subtle stuff like which way her body is facing or whether her legs are crossed, all that stuff, nope, I wouldn't notice that.


It's not necessarily that guys don't notice, is that they don't pay it much heed because girls who are *not* flirting tend to also do all that same subtle stuff.
 
2013-02-15 01:07:49 PM

WhippingBoy: I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.


There was some article a while back about some statistical breakdowns from the site, "Hot or Not".

While obviously there's reasons for the information to be biased, the funny thing was that guys tended to be more *accurate* in their assessments of women.

The guys rated women fairly, so the average girl turned out to be a 5. The girls on the other hand, put the average guy as a 3 (on a scale of 1-10 for those not familiar with the site).

I find it interesting because I've seen the same types of girls you've spoken about in my life as well. I'm wondering if part of it is due to the Disney princesses and Barbies they worship as they grow up. I mean, if you spend your entire life being told by your dad and mom that your beautiful, and spend hours looking at a Ken doll, or a prince from one of those movies, you're probably going to be pretty farked up about what's realistic for you to obtain.
 
2013-02-15 01:09:31 PM
images.posterjunction.com
 
2013-02-15 01:16:23 PM
Is NoScript playing games or does the link for "The lost art of offline dating" go to a story about nightclub fires?
 
2013-02-15 01:16:55 PM

royone: [images.posterjunction.com image 580x859]


You've got to give her credit though; "I bet idiots would actually for this," is a much more productive reaction than the average, "eeh, I guess I've seen worse."

keepitcherry: WhippingBoy: I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I've noticed the same thing too it's crazy - especially on online dating websites. I gave that plenty of fish site a try. I'm a decent looking guy, never had too much trouble getting girlfriends in real life - but on that site? Pffff I couldn't even get a response back from hardly anyone. Every average to below average looking girl on that site expects a tall, dark, handsome, millionaire who writes love haiku's and owns multiple vacation homes.


It's a dating website, nothing's stopping you from being a tall, dark, handsome millionaire.
 
2013-02-15 01:17:53 PM

uksocal: Is NoScript playing games or does the link for "The lost art of offline dating" go to a story about nightclub fires?


It does. Didn't know webservers had a sense of humor.
 
2013-02-15 01:18:06 PM

Gabrielmot: WhippingBoy: I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.

There was some article a while back about some statistical breakdowns from the site, "Hot or Not".

While obviously there's reasons for the information to be biased, the funny thing was that guys tended to be more *accurate* in their assessments of women.

The guys rated women fairly, so the average girl turned out to be a 5. The girls on the other hand, put the average guy as a 3 (on a scale of 1-10 for those not familiar with the site).

I find it interesting because I've seen the same types of girls you've spoken about in my life as well. I'm wondering if part of it is due to the Disney princesses and Barbies they worship as they grow up. I mean, if you spend your entire life being told by your dad and mom that your beautiful, and spend hours looking at a Ken doll, or a prince from one of those movies, you're probably going to be pretty farked up about what's realistic for you to obtain.


I think it's more the "self esteem at all costs" culture that they grew up in. Everyone was told that they were awesome without having to work for it.
 
2013-02-15 01:19:26 PM

ProfessorOhki: It's a dating website, nothing's stopping you from being a tall, dark, handsome millionaire.


If any guys did this, I honestly couldn't blame them.

Women lie a lot about themselves on dating sites.  It's always wonderful spending a first date being continually disappointed as you find out the person you are with is not the person you thought you'd be meeting.
 
2013-02-15 01:21:42 PM
Please help, I was born with the inability to know if a female is flirting.  It's quite debilitating and it really sucks when I find out later about a opportunity that was missed.
 
2013-02-15 01:23:01 PM

ProfessorOhki: uksocal: Is NoScript playing games or does the link for "The lost art of offline dating" go to a story about nightclub fires?

It does. Didn't know webservers had a sense of humor.


Farker, out thyself!
 
2013-02-15 01:25:22 PM
What a successful, qualified flirt coach might look like.
cache.downloads.moviesnxs.com
 
2013-02-15 01:31:23 PM

Gabrielmot: WhippingBoy: I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.

There was some article a while back about some statistical breakdowns from the site, "Hot or Not".

While obviously there's reasons for the information to be biased, the funny thing was that guys tended to be more *accurate* in their assessments of women.

The guys rated women fairly, so the average girl turned out to be a 5. The girls on the other hand, put the average guy as a 3 (on a scale of 1-10 for those not familiar with the site).

I find it interesting because I've seen the same types of girls you've spoken about in my life as well. I'm wondering if part of it is due to the Disney princesses and Barbies they worship as they grow up. I mean, if you spend your entire life being told by your dad and mom that your beautiful, and spend hours looking at a Ken doll, or a prince from one of those movies, you're probably going to be pretty farked up about what's realistic for you to obtain.



Unless it's beauty and the beast...then there just may be a whole nother issue to deal with there.

The sound of one hand clapping: ProfessorOhki: It's a dating website, nothing's stopping you from being a tall, dark, handsome millionaire.

If any guys did this, I honestly couldn't blame them.

Women lie a lot about themselves on dating sites.  It's always wonderful spending a first date being continually disappointed as you find out the person you are with is not the person you thought you'd be meeting.



I brought this up in the dating thread from the other day, but guys DO do this. I had many of those dates myself. Something about onlne dating seems to put people in the frame of mind that they can obtain those they normally wouldn't.
 
2013-02-15 01:31:59 PM

GoldSpider: Next time you go out, suspend the attention-whoring twunt act and agree to go out on a date with the guy who spent the evening respectfully engaging you.

There you go, ladies, free of charge!


THIS.

Women: Never equate politeness and respectfulness in a man with boring or "nice". That polite guy you think is cute is probably a great person.
 
2013-02-15 01:34:01 PM

Gabrielmot: There was some article a while back about some statistical breakdowns from the site, "Hot or Not".

While obviously there's reasons for the information to be biased, the funny thing was that guys tended to be more *accurate* in their assessments of women.

The guys rated women fairly, so the average girl turned out to be a 5. The girls on the other hand, put the average guy as a 3 (on a scale of 1-10 for those not familiar with the site).

I find it interesting because I've seen the same types of girls you've spoken about in my life as well. I'm wondering if part of it is due to the Disney princesses and Barbies they worship as they grow up. I mean, if you spend your entire life being told by your dad and mom that your beautiful, and spend hours looking at a Ken doll, or a prince from one of those movies, you're probably going to be pretty farked up about what's realistic for you to obtain.


How did they know there Hot or Not had a bell curve population (a few fuglies, mostly middle-of-the-road, and a few Salma Hayeks)?  It could have been that the female population had this distribution, while the male population was more similar to that of chatroulette.
 
2013-02-15 01:37:57 PM

Karac: Gabrielmot: There was some article a while back about some statistical breakdowns from the site, "Hot or Not".

While obviously there's reasons for the information to be biased, the funny thing was that guys tended to be more *accurate* in their assessments of women.

The guys rated women fairly, so the average girl turned out to be a 5. The girls on the other hand, put the average guy as a 3 (on a scale of 1-10 for those not familiar with the site).

I find it interesting because I've seen the same types of girls you've spoken about in my life as well. I'm wondering if part of it is due to the Disney princesses and Barbies they worship as they grow up. I mean, if you spend your entire life being told by your dad and mom that your beautiful, and spend hours looking at a Ken doll, or a prince from one of those movies, you're probably going to be pretty farked up about what's realistic for you to obtain.

How did they know there Hot or Not had a bell curve population (a few fuglies, mostly middle-of-the-road, and a few Salma Hayeks)?  It could have been that the female population had this distribution, while the male population was more similar to that of chatroulette.


If you're curious about stuff like this, OkTrends is a must.
 
2013-02-15 01:38:00 PM
If you read all these articles and practice this kind of stuff ladies you'll land the typical douche nozzle that has to be at the gym in 26 minutes. Be nice and be yourself. It works wonders.
 
2013-02-15 01:44:41 PM
I've always been horrible at flirting. My moves usually involve talking to a guy long enough to feel confident that he's not repulsed by me and then unsubtely asking him out. It probably doesn't help that I tend to go for geeky guys who have a lot of trouble recognizing that they're being flirted with.

/first sign that my husband was a winner: he asked me out
 
2013-02-15 01:45:37 PM

Thrakkorzog: Be nice and be yourself.


That's a contradiction for a lot of people.
 
2013-02-15 01:49:13 PM

blatz514: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 225x225]


Parts of Zimbabwe would like to disagree with you.
 
2013-02-15 01:50:21 PM
Ok, ladies, if you're thinking about pulling this passive-aggressive shiat, there are two possibilities:

1. We are interested in you
1a. We would have already hit on you

2. We are not interested in you
2a. You start "signaling" your interest
2b. If we even notice it, and we probably won't, it's not going to make us change our earlier decision not to be interested in you
2c. In fact, now that you've revealed your little passive-aggressive act, it will make us even less interested

Moral of the story: Flirt because it's fun to flirt. Don't flirt to get a specific guy. It doesn't work. If you want to do something that will actually help you get a guy you have to step it up.
 
2013-02-15 01:52:04 PM

megarian: gamergirl23: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

How do you get those drunk first?

The alligators? Easy. Fill a baby with whiskey (vodka will do in a pinch). Scent the baby with Cheetos by placing Cheetos and baby in a large bag. Shake vigorously (alligators love Cheetos). Throw the baby in front of alligator. Leave nature to do the rest.

You're welcome.


Megarian! You are TOTALLY killing me over here; I am dying laughing. And oh boy, do I need the LOLs today!

Anyway -- this whole idea about flirting coaches is just so off. All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.
 
2013-02-15 01:53:10 PM

Snarfangel: spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.

So...who's up for some baseball?


There's no need to think about baseball with the dead. Or brush your teeth.
 
2013-02-15 01:55:57 PM

Sybarite: brap: Maintaining eye contact is key.


[www.adweek.com image 484x272]

Yes, yes it is.


Would love to see her in a porn where her eyes are that wide but she has 3 BBCs in her mouth. At the same time. With her mascara running.
 
2013-02-15 02:04:00 PM
I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.
 
2013-02-15 02:10:29 PM
That was probably me. Was it because I mentioned that I keep all my deceased beta fish stapled to my wall? Or was it the Phineas and Ferb tattoo? It was the beta fish thing, wasn't it?

Can't win 'em all.
 
2013-02-15 02:10:30 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


Isn't the inevitable break up always messy though?
 
2013-02-15 02:11:29 PM

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.
 
2013-02-15 02:18:42 PM
Look me in the eye while smiling as we talk.

AAAAND done.

Can I has my flirting coach payday now?
 
2013-02-15 02:18:53 PM
Pay attention to people when they speak to you.

Pay more covert attention to people you're attracted to when not speaking directly with them.

Ask them if they'd like to go out for dinner/coffee/dancing/badminton/whatever.  When date is made, say something to the effect of "yay, it's a date."

Continue to become progressively less subtle if they don't get it.

Done.  It's not exactly rocket science.

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


To not flirt:

Pay attention when people are talking to you, but restrict it to eye contact.

Avoid all other steps.

When asked on a date/for sex/etc, say "no".

Don't get all weird and hung up about it, or hedge your "no", just "no" and then you're done.

Done.  Mission accomplished.
 
2013-02-15 02:21:48 PM

lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.


That's just the price you pay as a professional rodeo clown.

wild9: spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.

Been watching a bit of Southpark?


I just had to stand and listen - AGAIN - to the neighbors wringing their hands about the "rainbow parties" all the kids are having - you know, over at Jimmie's friend's piano teacher's son's soccer teammate's house. OMG THE CHILDREN
 
2013-02-15 02:27:56 PM

megarian: That was probably me. Was it because I mentioned that I keep all my deceased beta fish stapled to my wall? Or was it the Phineas and Ferb tattoo? It was the beta fish thing, wasn't it?

Can't win 'em all.


I've got to know... Are we talking like, 2-3 by the tails to a bulletin board in a row... or like, 1/2" staples through the center of mass into some sort of 6-foot-wide scaly mosaic?
 
2013-02-15 02:28:04 PM
I'm a guy. So here is the one simple honest suggestion to women who want to meet that guy. Catch his eye when he looks at you.

We guys know that women are already aware of whenever a man looks at a woman. A woman can sense a man checking her out. You just need to reciprocate and accept that check-out.

When I check out a woman and she doesn't reciprocate, I move on to the next one. If she reciprocates by looking back and smiles, then I move on with her. If she gives me a nasty look, then I definitely move on.

Done. Book it.
 
2013-02-15 02:31:19 PM
Since we're all shallow carbon copies of each other, that behave exactly the same in all circumstances, I'll bet that romantically attracting someone can be boiled down to a few simple sentences that will work for all people in all situations.
 
2013-02-15 02:36:10 PM

ProfessorOhki: megarian: That was probably me. Was it because I mentioned that I keep all my deceased beta fish stapled to my wall? Or was it the Phineas and Ferb tattoo? It was the beta fish thing, wasn't it?

Can't win 'em all.

I've got to know... Are we talking like, 2-3 by the tails to a bulletin board in a row... or like, 1/2" staples through the center of mass into some sort of 6-foot-wide scaly mosaic?


They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.
 
2013-02-15 02:38:22 PM

unfarkingbelievable: All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-15 02:39:52 PM

noitsnot: I just had to stand and listen - AGAIN - to the neighbors wringing their hands about the "rainbow parties" all the kids are having - you know, over at Jimmie's friend's piano teacher's son's soccer teammate's house. OMG THE CHILDREN


I had to assure my sister in-law that, indeed, those don't happen. I was in a pretty hardcore party crowd in high school. While we had a few girls that didn't mind sleeping with anyone cute, none of the girls were open to blowing random people. Swingers are a very rare breed. I have met only two in my life.
 
2013-02-15 02:46:36 PM

megarian: They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.


Which flavor of faygo do you prefer?
 
2013-02-15 02:51:09 PM
Don't be fat.

Pick whatever guy you want.

Chicks have it so easy.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2013-02-15 02:54:08 PM
A women could always keep cards like this on hand to give to her dates.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
Kinda simplifies things, doesn't it?
 
2013-02-15 02:54:22 PM

lockers: megarian: They frame my ICP posters...sorry, I thought it was obvious.

Which flavor of faygo do you prefer?


Rock n Rye. For a truly trashey and delicious evening (or morning), add Black Velvet. Serve in Solo cups that have been washed and reused several times. Garnish with magnets.
 
2013-02-15 02:54:46 PM
Meh, amateurs
hollywooddame.com
 
2013-02-15 02:58:09 PM
I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.
 
2013-02-15 02:58:17 PM

royone: unfarkingbelievable: All women have to do is just be their genuine, natural selves. Don't "try," just "be."  Works for me.

[encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 260x194]
etc.



They are so cute when they are angry.
 
2013-02-15 03:00:00 PM

Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.


Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......
 
2013-02-15 03:02:09 PM
Ha! For a second I thought the headline said farting coaches.
 
2013-02-15 03:04:53 PM

wild9: spentmiles: My daughter and her high school friends came up with an interesting concept.  They wear these bracelets of different colors.  Each color represents some sexual act that they're willing to do with a guy.  My daughter and her friends sell the bracelets to their classmates at like $5 profit a piece.  Pretty entrepreneurial, though I guess when a young woman wants a tattoo, the inventiveness springs forth unabated.

The colors represent pretty tame stuff - French kissing, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, vaginal intercourse - all legal and expected kind of stuff.  Nothing like when I was a kid.  What color bracelet would I wear to let the guy at the bike store know that I'm down to earn that new Schwinn?  You want me to pretend I'm autistic?  I've got a bracelet for that too.

Been watching a bit of Southpark?


Sounds more like taking her daughter to the leather scene in NY.

/I saw a documentary once on Vice
//Really
 
2013-02-15 03:05:49 PM

chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......


I'm great once the ice is broken. I suck at breaking the ice.  Start there.
 
2013-02-15 03:08:05 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


More than I really wanted to know

/really a bookmark for this thread
 
2013-02-15 03:11:03 PM

Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.



You're not alone. I've missed out on several opportunities when women were actually trying to sleep with me, based on subsequent conversations after it was too late to happen. At other times I've been unable to determine if I wasn't conveying my interest or if a woman was just politely acting oblivious in order to spare my feelings.

It's a very interesting phenomenon of different women requiring vastly different levels of directness that I now no longer attribute to head games. More likely it's just the dramatically varying nature of individuals.
 
2013-02-15 03:18:48 PM

megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.


It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.
 
2013-02-15 03:22:57 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


Hey Drew, start a dating service for Farkers already!
 
2013-02-15 03:25:37 PM

lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.


She was originally my son. Surprise!
 
2013-02-15 03:28:32 PM

chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......


I'll get you started:
1) Yes clothes matter.  Buy some somewhat neat and nice looking clothes.  Get real shoes.
2) Basic manners go a long way.  Introduce yourself to people.  Exchange pleasantries.
3) Do things in the sunlight world.  People (girls) are interested in people that have achieved things.
 
2013-02-15 03:30:50 PM

noitsnot: chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

I'll get you started:
1) Yes clothes matter.  Buy some somewhat neat and nice looking clothes.  Get real shoes.
2) Basic manners go a long way.  Introduce yourself to people.  Exchange pleasantries.
3) Do things in the sunlight world.  People (girls) are interested in people that have achieved things.


2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.
 
2013-02-15 03:32:20 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


Checks profile...
If that is your pic in your profile, you don't need it.
 
2013-02-15 03:36:35 PM

Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.


On the advice of the intarwebs, I checked your profile.

How you doing?
 
2013-02-15 03:38:15 PM

megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!


As long as she had good surgeons.

static.episode39.it
 
2013-02-15 03:40:29 PM

lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.


...weirdest boner...
 
2013-02-15 03:52:46 PM

noitsnot: 2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.


You may have to rehearse common questions and have prepared answers. Keep it simple and light. Job, interests, pets, travel.

Also, be ready to say things that fill space in a conversation, but don't mean anything.  "I know, right?" and "That's crazy" work well.    Often you can repeat back 90% of what the person said to you in your response.
 
2013-02-15 03:56:28 PM

PanicMan: noitsnot: 2a) Be able to talk politely and be at ease with the social group of whoever you are interested in.

You may have to rehearse common questions and have prepared answers. Keep it simple and light. Job, interests, pets, travel.

Also, be ready to say things that fill space in a conversation, but don't mean anything.  "I know, right?" and "That's crazy" work well.    Often you can repeat back 90% of what the person said to you in your response.


When talking with a woman, I've found that if you use the following terms, you're golden:
"What a biatch!"
"Well of course. Obviously she was wrong!"
 
2013-02-15 03:58:26 PM

lockers: Snooki Punch: I've been single for just long enough, and I'm just socially awkward enough, that I'd probably consider this. If it wasn't farking $95, that is. Seriously....I could buy a lot of beer with that.

On the advice of the intarwebs, I checked your profile.

How you doing?


See, Snook, What'd I tell you?
 
2013-02-15 04:04:43 PM

megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...


Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?
 
2013-02-15 04:12:51 PM

20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?


Perpetually.
 
2013-02-15 04:12:58 PM

20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?


She is very, very purdy.  Perhaps those beta fish on her wall use masonry screws instead of the proper mounting pins used by entomologists.  Cray cray?  Meh, I'd  club a drunk alligator and run zig zags after her with my weird boner.
 
2013-02-15 04:37:09 PM
"The perfect guy" is someone they have already friend zoned, and aren't even considering. The one they mistakenly think is "The perfect guy" will never settle down, as least not with them.
 
2013-02-15 04:38:08 PM

Valeriyance: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

She is very, very purdy.  Perhaps those beta fish on her wall use masonry screws instead of the proper mounting pins used by entomologists.  Cray cray?  Meh, I'd  club a drunk alligator and run zig zags after her with my weird boner.


Fried drunk alligator is the way to my heart.
 
2013-02-15 04:41:57 PM

lockers: chaosangel: Lernaeus: I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.

Hmmm. I could teach this course.  I'm no great beauty, but have rarely had a shortage of men in my life.  Perhaps because I prefer men as friends, am a former tom boy, a nerd myself, a great wing "man", etc.   I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

I'm great once the ice is broken. I suck at breaking the ice.  Start there.


Alright.  The vast majority of women still want/prefer/need the guy to make the first move.  Even if it's sending her a drink from afar to see if you get a friendly smile & either prolonged or recurring eye contact .  Don't feel like investing in a drink?  No problem.  Ask her if she wants company, if you can sit or hang out nearby while you wait for your friends to come or something as simple as whether or not she likes the club/restaurant/food/drinks/music.  That's it.  Then pay attention to her verbal response & body language.   If you don't get at least a somewhat welcoming response, the ice isn't breaking.  A swing & a miss...so what.  Choose another & try again.  The important thing is to keep stepping up to bat.  The more you try, the more comfortable you will be with attempting the ice breaking & looking comfortable & confident...  But don't think we don't like a little shyness.  And humility.  Unless you're sure she goes for the asshole bad boys.  Then, what the hell?  Geeks & nerds like role playing.  Pretend you are LARPing.  Be a rogue.  See if it works.

Did you get another smile & a friendly answer? Great.  Ask questions.  Most people love to talk about themselves.  What other places/music/etc. does she like.  Notice her shoes or clothes.  Say they are pretty.  If she isn't really pretty, tell her she is.  If she is really pretty, tell her she is exquisite (they love that one, beautiful gets "old" ).  Eyes are always safe to comment on ("enchanting" is a favorite of my female friends). Never, ever, ever comment on her tits or ass.  And try not to stare openly.
When in comes to introduce yourself, extend your hand for hers.  If she gives it to you, kiss it!  Seriously.  Women melt.  Make it a habit, in fact.  Just think chivalrous thoughts, not creepy ones while you do it.  We can tell.  Your female "friends" make rethink your just-friend status.

Ice is now totally broken. Now is the time to buy her a drink or share your appetizer, fries or dessert.  Be a gentleman, but know that those stupid romance novels make women think they want a "slightly naughty" gentleman.  Try not to fart.

I have to go now, so here's some of my best stuff farkers.  Is she smiling/laughing, making frequent eye contact &/or playing with her hair &/or licking her lips or tracing a finger over her glass?  Lucky you.  The one & only pick up line that has ever worked on me (mostly because I'm a huntress & prefer the chase) was: (whispered in her ear)  "I will make you cum before my pants even come off" or "My dad/brother/whatever always told me to please the woman first...".

Now, clean the pipes first & go practice.
 
2013-02-15 04:42:06 PM

megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.


Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)
 
2013-02-15 04:46:19 PM

uncoveror: "The perfect guy" is someone they have already friend zoned, and aren't even considering. The one they mistakenly think is "The perfect guy" will never settle down, as least not with them.


Trollolololololol
 
2013-02-15 04:54:15 PM
Women and their darn standards.  They could have any skeezy guy they want.  Like me.
 
2013-02-15 04:56:09 PM
Thanks chaosangel! That is some seriously good advice.
 
2013-02-15 04:57:47 PM

theurge14: Women and their darn standards.  They could have any skeezy guy they want.  Like me.


Women want one man forever. Men want every woman once. And who among us can say which viewpoint is superior?
 
2013-02-15 04:58:18 PM
megarian:

Fried drunk alligator is the way to my heart.

Fresh out, but I am baking chocolate chip cookies right now.
 
2013-02-15 04:58:45 PM

noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)


Ha I wish... I looked way better at 17. That guy hasn't changed his watermark forever. Michigan State University art department is the opposite of professional.
 
2013-02-15 05:00:24 PM

noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)


Or maybe he has. I think he got in trouble for stealing someone's work. Go State!!
 
2013-02-15 05:13:32 PM

99.998er: spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.

I have a bar buddy that happens to be a mortician, also. He invites me to come by his work from time to time to share a "cold one". Never took him up on that, but perhaps I should rethink that.


dead girls don't say no!
 
2013-02-15 05:19:33 PM

noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)


9 years? But the watermark says 2004 and that was only like a few yea- FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-
 
2013-02-15 05:41:26 PM

ProfessorOhki: noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)

9 years? But the watermark says 2004 and that was only like a few yea- FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-


65/f Orlando Florida. Looking for a young guy not addicted to meths. Kids okay. I have 17 kids and 9 grandchildren.
 
2013-02-15 05:42:26 PM

kombat_unit: Please help, I was born with the inability to know if a female is flirting.  It's quite debilitating and it really sucks when I find out later about a opportunity that was missed.


Solution: hit on every female until she either slaps you or goes home with you.
 
2013-02-15 06:18:33 PM
chaosangel: ...  I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

But, but...... if we did all of this
images.zap2it.com
we wouldn't be geeks!
 
2013-02-15 06:24:22 PM
I havn't been single for many years, but I remember that if a women made eye contact, that was a good first step.

/frankly, if a women showed any kind of interest, I was ecstatic.
 
2013-02-15 06:25:01 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


That is probably the sickest, most disrespectful, awesome thing I have ever read on fark.  Thank you, I had just about come to the conclusion that Fark had become a complete waste of time.
 
2013-02-15 06:27:39 PM

The Ice Cream Man: chaosangel: ...  I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

But, but...... if we did all of this
[images.zap2it.com image 360x270]
we wouldn't be geeks!


Yes, sweetie, you can tweak a few things & still be a geek.  I can get dressed up, with make-up & everything, but I'll still be a nerd & a tom boy at heart.
 
2013-02-15 06:48:53 PM

chaosangel: The Ice Cream Man: chaosangel: ...  I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

But, but...... if we did all of this
[images.zap2it.com image 360x270]
we wouldn't be geeks!

Yes, sweetie, you can tweak a few things & still be a geek.  I can get dressed up, with make-up & everything, but I'll still be a nerd & a tom boy at heart.


No.
 
2013-02-15 07:00:08 PM

chaosangel: The Ice Cream Man: chaosangel: ...  I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

But, but...... if we did all of this
[images.zap2it.com image 360x270]
we wouldn't be geeks!

Yes, sweetie, you can tweak a few things & still be a geek.  I can get dressed up, with make-up & everything, but I'll still be a nerd & a tom boy at heart.


Hey, those things rhyme. You've almost got got a reality show title.
 
2013-02-15 07:01:02 PM

The Ice Cream Man: chaosangel: ...  I  have always not only preferred geeks, but have sung their praises to many a lost, lonely, female friend.  Yet, I've often thought that you guys could do with just a little coaching on hygiene, dressing, basic conversation & pick-up do/don'ts.   So, where to begin......

But, but...... if we did all of this
[images.zap2it.com image 360x270]
we wouldn't be geeks!



You don't have to go too far with it, but the hygiene is a must. There must be no weird smells, hair can be messy but it has to be clean. Use deodorant and clean the crud out from under the finger nails.
 
2013-02-15 07:11:51 PM
Everything you need to know about the difference between men and women can be summarized in this image.

strengtheningmarriage.com
 
2013-02-15 07:23:05 PM
Feminine wiles you say?
www.deadly-nightshade.com
 
2013-02-15 10:08:34 PM

Charlie Chingas: Sybarite: brap: Maintaining eye contact is key.


[www.adweek.com image 484x272]

Yes, yes it is.

Would love to see her in a porn where her eyes are that wide but she has 3 BBCs in her mouth. At the same time. With her mascara running.


go on.....
 
2013-02-15 10:39:35 PM
It seems less likely for women to learn to flirt to find dates than it is for them to use for gains elsewhere, like the business world or other situations.
 
2013-02-15 10:44:23 PM
mariaaaaxoxo.files.wordpress.com

Oh hai, guize, wots going on in this thread?
 
2013-02-15 10:54:36 PM

megarian: ProfessorOhki: noitsnot: megarian: 20/20: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: megarian: lennavan: I need a flirting coach to teach me how to be friendly without coming across as flirting.  I've had the weirdest women ask me out and no it's not cool, it's really awkward.

^that was meant for you^

Sorry. This is awkward.

It was because your daughter is my age and I'd rather go out with her.

She was originally my son. Surprise!

As long as she had good surgeons.

...weirdest boner...

Something gives me the idea that you don't need any flirting instruction. Are you single and available?

Perpetually.

Just check her profile - you can see what it would be like to date her 9 years ago ;)

9 years? But the watermark says 2004 and that was only like a few yea- FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-

65/f Orlando Florida. Looking for a young guy not addicted to meths. Kids okay. I have 17 kids and 9 grandchildren.


Are any of them hot?
 
2013-02-16 12:10:40 AM

que.guero: Everything you need to know about the difference between men and women can be summarized in this image.

[strengtheningmarriage.com image 300x178]


I like this one:

www.aerojockey.com
 
2013-02-16 02:01:02 AM
I think the flirting class idea is awesome. Some people learn how to do it from mentors or osmosis; some people benefit more from explicit instruction. If you noticed, they also quoted some men who were taking the class -- it's not just for the ladies.

If you notice her "flirting tips," they are nearly identical to the basic tips laid out in every PUA "seduction" manual. All stuff we can benefit from: be confident, have a light touch, have fun with it, be playful, etc.It's about trying to create a push-pull dynamic of tension that may or may not lead to deeper attraction. You're just testing the social waters, and having fun with it.

Everyone sucks at flirting at first, but the more you practice, the more fun and rewarding it becomes. You CAN learn how to be more social. It's tough to get started, because you suck at first. It's like doing stand-up or singing like that. You throw yourself out there, and you suck, and you feel bad. A class like this sounds like a good, safe place to practice and get honest critiques. Sounds like it would be a lot of fun, too.

I've noticed a lot of the "all you need to land a man is shake your ass hurrdurrdurr" on this thread, which is expected. As men, yes, we're basically perpetually horny, but if you expect this of yourself and your fellow men, you really are limiting yourself. A man that learns to flirt has gone beyond the hormonal level and is much more interesting to women. If you wish to remain part of the 80% of men getting together with 20% of the women, that is your choice.
 
2013-02-16 07:46:00 AM
Women suck at flirting.  The funny thing is that it is really easy.  Just walk up to a guy and whisper in his ear, "I want you to put your throbbing meat missle in my pussy" or "I want your man butter on my face" or some other such thing. Heck, there is even no need to whisper it. Dont waste time with really subtle forms of flirtation, just be open and honest.  Isnt that what good relationships are founded on?
 
2013-02-16 01:22:56 PM
Smile, don't act like a biatch and leave your fat venomous sidekick at home.  Hope I saved you some money there.
 
2013-02-16 05:30:27 PM
In addition to the comments from chaosangel and others, I think flirting also has to do with self-confidence.

Go meet people for the fun of meeting people then you may get lucky; as opposed to "I need to fark, who is available."  Most people who are desperate show this on their face and in their actions.  I found this true with some of the women I have met.

Its a bummer that I didn't figure out I was actually good at the flirting thing until after I was married.  Now if I could just talk my wife into an open marriage....
 
2013-02-18 08:58:07 AM

neilix: In addition to the comments from chaosangel and others, I think flirting also has to do with self-confidence.

Go meet people for the fun of meeting people then you may get lucky; as opposed to "I need to fark, who is available."  Most people who are desperate show this on their face and in their actions.  I found this true with some of the women I have met.

Its a bummer that I didn't figure out I was actually good at the flirting thing until after I was married.  Now if I could just talk my wife into an open marriage....


Now that's a class I'd sign up for
 
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