If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Women are hiring "Flirting Coaches" to land the perfect guy that's not you   (cnn.com) divider line 172
    More: Silly, Steinberg, pool halls  
•       •       •

5279 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2013 at 11:28 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



172 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2013-02-15 09:58:29 AM
Maintaining eye contact is key.

GAH, YOU IDIOT! I DIDN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LITERALLY TOUCH MY EYES!
 
2013-02-15 10:07:04 AM
Just like to say if any Farkettes feel the need to practice their flirty skills I'll be over here.

*waits*

*looks at watch*

No rush.
 
2013-02-15 10:11:28 AM

brap: Maintaining eye contact is key.



www.adweek.com

Yes, yes it is.
 
2013-02-15 10:20:00 AM
Step 1. Show your boobs
Step 2. ...
Step 3. Profit.

There you go.  Now consider yourself coached.
 
2013-02-15 11:06:50 AM
So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know
 
2013-02-15 11:15:28 AM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know


Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.
 
2013-02-15 11:22:49 AM

Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.


Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.
 
2013-02-15 11:32:05 AM
How to flirt; a woman's guide:

1. Acknowledge your prospective mate.
2. Success.

/Ah Duuuurrrrrrr.
 
2013-02-15 11:33:45 AM
Do the lessons include "This delicious dinner I made is way too big for me. Would you like some?"
 
2013-02-15 11:35:04 AM
Flirting Coaches

WRONG:
nbcsportsmedia.msnbc.com

WRONGER
l2.yimg.com
 
2013-02-15 11:35:25 AM
Of course, if dudes did this, the coaches would be called "registered sex offenders."

/sorry ladies, but it *is* a double standard
 
2013-02-15 11:36:09 AM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know



So the first lesson of Whore School is...INCEPTION ?
 
2013-02-15 11:36:35 AM
I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.
 
2013-02-15 11:39:07 AM

minoridiot: Step 1. Show your boobs
Step 2. ...
Step 3. Profit.

There you go.  Now consider yourself coached.


^Also works for "paying for college".
 
2013-02-15 11:40:41 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


So...who's up for some baseball?
 
2013-02-15 11:40:45 AM
My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet
 
2013-02-15 11:40:51 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


This is why you are on my favorites list, you sick bastage you. +1
 
2013-02-15 11:41:03 AM
I know a number of women who have a "perfect guy" list, and they swear that they won't accept anything less in a boyfriend (think of the Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl" meme).
The problem is that none of these women are in any way remarkable: not beautiful, not witty, not particularly intelligent (e.g. mostly average, like the rest of us), yet they somehow believe that they "deserve" the best of the best.

I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.
 
2013-02-15 11:41:42 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I have to say, this is the singularly most disturbing thing I have read today.  Congratulations...it's not often I have to stop and say something because it's just so wrong.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:22 AM
Just walk up and say "How you doin?"

The key is emphasizing the "you". It's makes them feel special.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:32 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I'm not sure if I should laugh, cry or throw up. I think I'll do all three.
 
2013-02-15 11:44:07 AM

WhippingBoy: I'm investing in cat breeding companies; I expect the demand for multiple cats is going to skyrocket as these women hit their 30's and 40's.


I'd also invest in a fertility clinic/sperm bank. Those would also skyrocket
 
2013-02-15 11:44:55 AM

futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet


I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.
 
2013-02-15 11:45:20 AM
I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.
 
2013-02-15 11:46:17 AM

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


How do you get those drunk first?
 
2013-02-15 11:47:53 AM
this is how you do it:

img252.imageshack.us

It's really that simple. Do that and get any guy you want....
 
2013-02-15 11:50:44 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-15 11:53:04 AM

megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.


It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.
 
2013-02-15 11:53:35 AM

Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.


Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.
 
2013-02-15 11:54:11 AM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


Welcome to my favorites list... after I take a shower.
 
2013-02-15 11:56:53 AM
I wonder if the coach has a binder full of men to choose from?
 
2013-02-15 11:57:33 AM
Or for free you can say "I'll have sex with you if you want". That seems to work really well.
 
2013-02-15 11:58:10 AM

WhippingBoy: Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.

Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.


No, the author sounds like she'd be one of those women trying to find someone to support the kid. She'd still go out with her girlfriends once everyone stopped focusing on her and started focusing on the kid (the appeal of having the kid disappears) and then you'd be stuck with the screaming toddler
 
2013-02-15 11:59:32 AM

Aar1012: WhippingBoy: Philimus: I don't know about anyone else, but I stopped reading at the line "flirtiest maternity dress."

Um, how about no? Do not want.

Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions.

No, the author sounds like she'd be one of those women trying to find someone to support the kid. She'd still go out with her girlfriends once everyone stopped focusing on her and started focusing on the kid (the appeal of having the kid disappears) and then you'd be stuck with the screaming toddler


Sure, if you're dumb enough to use your real name.

Signed,

Max Power
 
2013-02-15 12:00:35 PM
Flirting is for amateurs. Now seduction that is an art.

"The next time you try to seduce anyone, don't do it with talk, with words. Women know more about words than men ever will. And they know how little they can ever possibly mean."
― William Faulkner

img208.imageshack.us
 
2013-02-15 12:01:07 PM

Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.


Of course not.  No thumbs.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:15 PM

gamergirl23: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

How do you get those drunk first?


The alligators? Easy. Fill a baby with whiskey (vodka will do in a pinch). Scent the baby with Cheetos by placing Cheetos and baby in a large bag. Shake vigorously (alligators love Cheetos). Throw the baby in front of alligator. Leave nature to do the rest.

You're welcome.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:48 PM
Swing at every ball...

images1.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-02-15 12:02:55 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


*takes note.  Fifteen hours you say?
 
2013-02-15 12:05:36 PM
I think I need to take a class in how to recognize that a woman is flirting with me.

I'm wrong when I think I'm being flirted with, and completely oblivious when a woman actually is. It takes a friend telling me after the fact, or me finally realizing it a few days later - but by then, the moment has passed, and if I go back and try, I'm so awkward, nervous, and self-conscious that I appear the sudden victim of massive brain trauma.

"That spastic clod who couldn't form words is really cute and interesting," said no one ever.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:13 PM

Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.


It's the crocodiles you gotta be careful with, all smiley and stuff. You just can't trust them.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:04 PM

spentmiles: I don't think women can flirt or not flirt anymore than they can be pretty or not be pretty.  As a mortician, I've had plenty of time to study people in their most relaxed state, namely dead.  There's something about the way a woman's hair falls when her head turns to one side.  Something about the way her legs cross and uncross.  Something about the gurgling sounds inside of her, like tickling elves laughing.  It's the unconscious things that a woman does that makes her flirty.  And when it works, I just cannot stop myself.  And yes, the stories are actually true - a woman can have an orgasm up to fifteen hours post-mortem.  The nerve endings don't die with the brain.


I have a bar buddy that happens to be a mortician, also. He invites me to come by his work from time to time to share a "cold one". Never took him up on that, but perhaps I should rethink that.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:24 PM

Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know


But wait!  There's more!  Then they'll biatch to all their friends that you're too dense to be worth their time!  All because you weren't aware that being approached by a girl with her hand in her left pocket means she wants to bone you in the restroom.

/pff.  flirting.  what, are these ladies 15?
 
2013-02-15 12:09:55 PM

PanicMan: Snarfangel: megarian: futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet

I go for the guy drunker than I am. That way if things get weird, I just run in a zig-zag pattern. It disorients them.

Works for eluding alligators, too.

It's true. Alligators can't hold their liquor.

Of course not.  No thumbs.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-15 12:10:51 PM

futalfufu: My flirting technique is to drink too much, then find a cute guy, stumble up to him, hit him on the arm a few times to let him know I like him, then tell him that Angela is my favorite of all the 80s deranged psychopaths before walking away.

/always leave them wanting more
//haven't figured out that last part yet


Anything less than this is half assing it.
 
2013-02-15 12:11:45 PM

ajgeek: Of course, if dudes did this, the coaches would be called "registered sex offenders."

/sorry ladies, but it *is* a double standard


upload.wikimedia.org

/Actually an interesting read.
 
2013-02-15 12:12:27 PM
cartermatt.com

Liz: Hey, Frank! What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you are gonna go on a date with a woman, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she is in porn.
 
2013-02-15 12:12:33 PM
My ability to choose moments to throw caution to the wind and not care about looking like a complete idiot has yet to pay off.

But it feels like I'm on the right track.
 
2013-02-15 12:13:24 PM

The sound of one hand clapping: Solon Isonomia: Aar1012: So they're going to learn to use such subtle body language that no guy will understand that they are flirting?

/Just let us know

Exactly. Just be your damn self and if you're interested in us just farking say it. We're simple creatures.

Normally I'd be 100% this.  I can't stand all the dumb games people play in relationships.

That said, I read the article and it makes a lot of sense.  Girls who don't know how to flirt can be troublesome because it's really difficult to tell if they are into you or not.  There's something to be said for flirting.  It makes me feel good about myself and lets me know that the girl isn't just enduring the conversation until she can find an excuse to leave.


I've been told that I don't give good signals. I think it's because I don't think guys are into me and I don't want to make a fool of myself. I was a late bloomer and used to being the friend of the girl being hit on.
Time for me to change that though as I don't think I'm being complimentary enough to the guy I like right now.
 
2013-02-15 12:13:46 PM
WhippingBoy: "Why not? You *know* they put out and make bad decisions."

Because I don't want to have to deal with the consequences of their "bad decisions." And the crazy can be very clever when it comes to tracking down the focus of their obsessions.

Geez, it isn't like sex with womyn is all that hard to get. And most of them don't need to become drama queens about it. Quality over quantity is usually worth the trade-off, at least in my admittedly limited experience.

/Current GF is getting on in years but still 20 less than me; besides, she's a keeper.
 
Displayed 50 of 172 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report