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(Daily Mail)   30 percent of office romances lead to marriage. The other 70 percent lead to awkward post-breakup interaction and headaches for the HR department   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 242
    More: Interesting, fraternization, public displays of affection, Julie Chen, employee surveys  
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6593 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2013 at 11:35 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-02-15 09:44:00 AM
All my current female coworkers are married. Job before that, our one woman employee was engaged (and the insanely cute consultant was married). Before that, the only woman was the HR recruiter who was only there a few hours per month. Before that, all married or really nasty looking. Before that, married, engaged, or sleeping with our boss. Before that, it was almost love at first sight except she already had a girlfriend.

So I'm thinking I need to get out of the computer field.
 
2013-02-15 10:10:53 AM
Post-breakup awkwardness is calculated in direct proportion to how mature you were during the breakup process. It doesn't  haveto be a hot mess of childishness. Case in point, I am still genuine friends with a few exes, to the point that 2 are invited to my wedding (and yes, the fiancee is actually fine with it).

The headache for HR...is another story.
 
2013-02-15 10:26:39 AM
Ah, nothing like fishing off the company pier.
 
2013-02-15 10:29:48 AM
Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
 
2013-02-15 10:30:43 AM
Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.
 
2013-02-15 10:37:11 AM
How many lead to bunny boiling?
 
2013-02-15 10:58:35 AM
Back in the late 80's, I was sleeping with a coworker that I shared an office with.

Predictably, it ended in disaster.

/We've been married for 22 years.
 
2013-02-15 11:36:05 AM
I think you mean the other 99%
 
2013-02-15 11:39:29 AM
That's a 30% failure rate.
The two purposes of office romance are 1) sex and 2) alleviate boredom at work.
 
2013-02-15 11:39:47 AM
One night stands don't equal romance.
 
2013-02-15 11:40:40 AM
Ultimate Surrenders!
 
2013-02-15 11:41:41 AM
Don't come where you eat.

/Female boss wanted to fark me, but I was farking another girl from across the hall. Bossy found out. Trouble, nothing but trouble, ensued.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:19 AM
The Office handled this very subject really well last night. Hilarity ensued.
 
2013-02-15 11:42:54 AM
My company seems to have an abnorminably large number of married couples working for it.

I think I'm also the only single person working here
 
2013-02-15 11:44:20 AM
I will say... flirting among office mates was far more fun than marrying one.  But I should have realized that in advance.  :(
 
2013-02-15 11:45:03 AM
Sexual relationships have no negative impact in the workplace environment.
 
2013-02-15 11:45:43 AM
There was an article a couple weeks ago saying that Safety Professionals are the #5 profession to hook up with each other.

Most of the women I've worked with have NEVER been of the type I'd want to hook up with.
 
2013-02-15 11:45:48 AM

Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.


I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.
 
2013-02-15 11:47:15 AM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Back in the late 80's, I was sleeping with a coworker that I shared an office with.

Predictably, it ended in disaster.

/We've been married for 22 years.


We are the 30 percenters.  Married 19 years in July..  Still working together.
 
2013-02-15 11:48:56 AM

blatz514: One night stands don't equal romance.


That's not true. I light a candle.
 
2013-02-15 11:49:25 AM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Back in the late 80's, I was sleeping with a coworker that I shared an office with.

Predictably, it ended in disaster.

/We've been married for 22 years.


Ha! Awesome
 
2013-02-15 11:49:29 AM
Been living, working, and playing with my co-worker for over 5 years now. To be honest, it's the work that interferes with our personal life at times, not the other way around.

At least when I get home I have someone to talk to who has a clue what I do.
 
2013-02-15 11:49:36 AM

Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.


2/10

/Not a vapid cow
 
2013-02-15 11:49:55 AM
Office romances are weird because you're not really "yourself" at work. You're this improved version of yourself so when you date someone and finally see the real them, it's doubly shocking. And yes, I know most are on their best behavior on civilian first dates but it's more striking to see the difference when you've only been exposed to someone's "office self" for 8 hours a day, year in and year out.
 
2013-02-15 11:49:59 AM

Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.


Huh, our HR dept. is pretty awesome.  Most like sports and heavy drinking.  Although, we work for the state so that might be a strong reason to the heavy drinking.
 
2013-02-15 11:50:33 AM
The best thing about office romances is having sex at work.
Its best when she or he, is into risky sex. Like having sex on the conference table in the execs boardroom. Or behind the server racks.
 
2013-02-15 11:52:11 AM

Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.


I agree, fark HR.   I've never met a department in a company that is so incompetent.  They know how to ruin a good interview,
Me: "what's entailed in the job"
HR: "reads the description"
Me: "well does that mean this or that?"
HR: "I don't know, you'll have to ask the manager after you're hired"
Me: Then how do I know I want the job?
HR: OMG BENEFITS!
Me: right benefits are usually a standard package, I want to know what my scope of work will be
HR: ...
 
2013-02-15 11:52:28 AM
When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat. We were off/on for a few months, but we worked in completely different departments at the opposite ends of the office, so minimal awkwardness around other people as we didn't tell anyone. Still, it was too much for me, so I ended it the easiest way possible, by moving back to Chicago.

Good times.
 
2013-02-15 11:53:01 AM

farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow


I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?
 
2013-02-15 11:54:02 AM

ZAZ: All my current female coworkers are married. Job before that, our one woman employee was engaged (and the insanely cute consultant was married). Before that, the only woman was the HR recruiter who was only there a few hours per month. Before that, all married or really nasty looking. Before that, married, engaged, or sleeping with our boss. Before that, it was almost love at first sight except she already had a girlfriend.

So I'm thinking I need to get out of the computer field.


No, you need to STAY in the computer field and not look for dates at work.
 
2013-02-15 11:54:10 AM
When I was a young software developer, I fell for the head of the testing department. It might have been a problem for HR, but fortunately, the company crashed and burned within a month and we were all fired.

/ Happily married for 13 years.
 
2013-02-15 11:54:37 AM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Back in the late 80's, I was sleeping with a coworker that I shared an office with.

Predictably, it ended in disaster.

/We've been married for 22 years.


That's horrible. May your life serve as a warning to others.
 
2013-02-15 11:54:55 AM

Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?


I completely agree with you, when hiring people for technical(i.e. revenue generating and not overhead like HR) positions, HR does it's best to ruin the experience for everyone involved.
 
2013-02-15 11:59:11 AM
Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell.
 
2013-02-15 11:59:23 AM
Women in combat.
 
2013-02-15 12:00:43 PM

Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.


How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.
 
2013-02-15 12:00:50 PM

Girion47: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

I completely agree with you, when hiring people for technical(i.e. revenue generating and not overhead like HR) positions, HR does it's best to ruin the experience for everyone involved.



For my current job, I was grilled by an 8 person panel interview for 3 hours.  It was a highly technical interview.  At first I was intimidated, but that quickly turned to relief once we all started talking due to one reason.

The number of HR people asking me what type of cookie I am was 0.

I'm gathering you've had the same type of experience.
 
2013-02-15 12:01:00 PM

Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?


As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.
 
2013-02-15 12:01:09 PM
I met my wife at work. I trained her on the computer system. The place i worked in downtown Boston had a big influx of young people working there when i started. There are at least 10 couples that came about there. All still married 10 years later. And a bunch of hookups. it was a pretty fun place to work. Boston in the late 90s was a blast.
 
2013-02-15 12:01:24 PM
I have no problem having sexual relations at work.

It's one of the benefits of being a Catholic priest.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:24 PM

farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.


May you burn in Hell for all eternity.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:25 PM
I suppose you probably have to work with people who are sexually compatible, single, and attractive. My workplace lacks all three.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:47 PM

farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.


Alcohol. There was lots of alcohol. I don't actually remember much other than waking up in her bed. I'm not saying it wasn't a pleasant surprise, she's not an unattractive lady, I just had no such plans when I was sober.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:50 PM
That's only a problem because HR exists in the first place.
Fark HR, the parasites.
 
2013-02-15 12:02:59 PM

WhippingBoy: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.

May you burn in Hell for all eternity.


Meh.  I'm going to hell for a number of reasons.  Working in HR is not one of them.  Trust me.
 
2013-02-15 12:03:36 PM
Don't ride the working staff and don't work the riding staff.......
 
2013-02-15 12:04:32 PM

Car_Ramrod: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Alcohol. There was lots of alcohol. I don't actually remember much other than waking up in her bed. I'm not saying it wasn't a pleasant surprise, she's not an unattractive lady, I just had no such plans when I was sober.


I think that's called rape.
 
2013-02-15 12:05:17 PM
Had administrative assistant make me a copy of her boobies on the copy machine once. This was after I took the skin boat to tuna town. I wish I would have kept that copy.
/Spank bank copies are still in decent shape
//SVA if you read this please send me a dirty picture
 
2013-02-15 12:05:41 PM
It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

kenhoma.files.wordpress.com

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:02 PM

farkerofDOOM: As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.


That's bullshiat.
HR is the problem. There are no zero defect human beings. Get over it and find a real job, one in which you do productive work with economic value.

/Oh right. You probably can't get hired because ... oh man ... of your employment history.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:04 PM

Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.


If I didn't want to avoid dating in the workplace, one of our HR members I would love to ask out.

/ I'm also the Network Admin here.
// Also suck at starting relationships.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:47 PM

farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.


Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"
 
2013-02-15 12:06:49 PM
A survey by Career Builder found that 30per cent of colleagues who dated ended their relationship with a trip down the wedding aisle.

Well, that's a pessimistic view of life after marriage.
 
2013-02-15 12:06:52 PM
I don't want to screw the office assistant.  I'd be happy merely to motorboat those 36DD titties.  The rest of her, no thanks.
 
2013-02-15 12:07:02 PM

farkerofDOOM: Meh.  I'm going to hell for a number of reasons.  Working in HR is not one of them.  Trust me.


I'm trying to think of something worse than working for HR:
- selling drugs to toddlers
- raping babies to death
- genocide


Nope...
 
2013-02-15 12:07:37 PM

farkerofDOOM: 2/10

/Not a vapid cow


I'm sorry Kitten, I was referring to every HR person except you.
 
2013-02-15 12:07:55 PM
She wouldn't date me because we were co-workers.

But I wouldn't have met her if I didn't work here.

Le sigh.
 
2013-02-15 12:07:58 PM

WhippingBoy: Car_Ramrod: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Alcohol. There was lots of alcohol. I don't actually remember much other than waking up in her bed. I'm not saying it wasn't a pleasant surprise, she's not an unattractive lady, I just had no such plans when I was sober.

I think that's called rape.


I should've really talked to HR about that.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:20 PM
What's the big deal?  We used to boink, now we don't.  Why do some people have a problem with this?
 
2013-02-15 12:09:21 PM
I met my husband at work, 13 years on and we still mock the HR department coont who told us 'fraternisation' could make others in the workplace feel uncomfortable.  I wonder how uncomfortable she felt when her co-worker boyfriend's wife found out where he contracted the galloping nob rot from.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:30 PM
I work for a division of my company that is 80-90% women right out of college, who specialize in health & fitness.

Why yes, I do love my job! :^D
 
2013-02-15 12:09:38 PM
Years ago I helped my GF get a job with my company.  She cheated on me with some basement dweller that I had to work with for 5 more years until I left,  it was more awkward working with him than her afterwards since I had to repress my urge to retaliate.
 
2013-02-15 12:09:48 PM
I actually feel bad for HR. There's so much petty office politics bullshiat that goes on, they must get so many stupid, worthless complaints all the time. I don't think I'd be able to go more than a week without cracking and just yelling, "Who cares?! Grow the fark up and get back to work. Jesus christ, no one cares."
 
2013-02-15 12:10:40 PM

Spiralmonkey: I met my husband at work, 13 years on and we still mock the HR department coont who told us 'fraternisation' could make others in the workplace feel uncomfortable.  I wonder how uncomfortable she felt when her co-worker boyfriend's wife found out where he contracted the galloping nob rot from.


Hey, the lady was talking from experience.  She just didn't want you to make the same mistakes she did.
 
2013-02-15 12:11:19 PM

Molavian: Girion47: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

I completely agree with you, when hiring people for technical(i.e. revenue generating and not overhead like HR) positions, HR does it's best to ruin the experience for everyone involved.


For my current job, I was grilled by an 8 person panel interview for 3 hours.  It was a highly technical interview.  At first I was intimidated, but that quickly turned to relief once we all started talking due to one reason.

The number of HR people asking me what type of cookie I am was 0.

I'm gathering you've had the same type of experience.


I have, last time I was looking for a job, it came down to two companies.   One had done phone interviews with me the whole time, we talked about my experience, the project manager gushed over my resume's layout, and she laid out what would be happening in the job.

The other company flew me in, set me up in a rundown looking conference room and I met the whole team at once, then they individually interviewed me using HR provided forms.  shiat like "tell me of a situation when blah blah blah"  Questions like this tell me that these people don't know their field well enough to interview through conversation and determine the other person's knowledge in that manner.  What really sealed the deal was their "head of security" bragging about how he used to be in the Secret Service.  I could tell he lorded it over everyone else and they were intimidated by it, I already have clearance via the Treasury/SS, and I worked with those guys on a daily basis, bragging like that was a HUGE red flag for me.

I also had another company where I did an 8 hour, 12 person interview at 2 different locations.   One in Fairfax, VA and the other at L'Enfant Plaza in DC.  The question that made me call off the interview in that case was "What's your greatest weakness"   There were other gems like "what book did you read last" or "tell me of a time you had an argument with a co-worker"
 
2013-02-15 12:12:39 PM
Did  they mention the process a co-worker turning from manatee to mermaid?
 
2013-02-15 12:13:00 PM
I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

You know, a lot of people can do a job. Even the really hard technical ones. You aren't as unique as you think. It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way. That way you'll get past the screening interview and get to talk to the hiring manager.
 
2013-02-15 12:15:06 PM

rev. dave: Years ago I helped my GF get a job with my company.  She cheated on me with some basement dweller that I had to work with for 5 more years until I left,  it was more awkward working with him than her afterwards since I had to repress my urge to retaliate.


Were you going to sleep with him too to get back at her? NTTIAWWT
 
2013-02-15 12:15:28 PM

Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.


HR is the cop with the radar gun of business. They perform no function that is useful to the people they supposedly support. They are often an incumbrance on those that intend to serve. They absolutely NEVER take the side of those that they suggest that they are there to help. Most of their workday is geared to do exactly the opposite of their stated goals. And you'll never meet one that is honest about any of this.
 
2013-02-15 12:15:59 PM

Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat. We were off/on for a few months, but we worked in completely different departments at the opposite ends of the office, so minimal awkwardness around other people as we didn't tell anyone. Still, it was too much for me, so I ended it the easiest way possible, by moving back to Chicago.

Good times.


how do you accidentally sleep with someone?
 
2013-02-15 12:16:03 PM

HotIgneous Intruder: farkerofDOOM: As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.

That's bullshiat.
HR is the problem. There are no zero defect human beings. Get over it and find a real job, one in which you do productive work with economic value.

/Oh right. You probably can't get hired because ... oh man ... of your employment history.


Dude.  Hostile much?  I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience with HR.  I happen to love what I do (benefits and leaves), and loved what I used to do (generalist).  A good HR employee doesn't search for imperfections in their company's employees - apparently the one where you work does, and that blows.  To be honest, I despise the "evil HR lady" stereotype that is out there.  Let's be honest - that's what it is, a stereotype.  There are a bunch of douchetwats out there that give HR a bad name - I probably dislike them more than you do.

I think that when it comes to employee relations, managers need to take more responsibility for what happens in their department and not have HR to the dirty work, which is what happens 99% of the time.  So when you are brought down to HR b/c you've been late 6 times in the past month, it's b/c your manager whined to HR that they didn't feel comfortable talking to you about it - it's not HR bringing it up to be  PITA.

A couple of rules of thumb to not be biatched out by your HR rep:  Don't come to work drunk/high/impaired, try to show up on time, be civil and courteous, and don't become drunk/high/impaired WHILE at work.  That usually keeps the majority of a population out of the HR office.

I also think that I what I do is valuable and productive.  I help employees with their leaves, which can be very tricky for anyone, let alone someone who doesn't speak English as a first language.

/General rule?  Don't shiat where you eat, don't sleep where you work.
 
2013-02-15 12:16:12 PM

litespeed74: I have no problem having sexual relations at work.

It's one of the benefits of being a Catholic priest.


I suspect there are lots of benefits.  Oh the times I have been tempted to leave it all behind and go join a monastery.  Not being tempted by the single women is the hard part.  I immediately lose attraction when I find a woman is married.
But now I work with mostly Indian women who all get married young.   So it is about the same.
 
2013-02-15 12:16:22 PM
I'm honestly glad that outside of the (outsourced) girl that sometimes works in our mailroom, there is not a single attractive woman that works in my office.
 
2013-02-15 12:17:45 PM

Mugato: farkerofDOOM: 2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm sorry Kitten, I was referring to every HR person except you.


Thanks, Pookie =)  xoxo
 
2013-02-15 12:18:19 PM
Back in the late 90s I dated the receptionist. They ended up firing her but we kept dating. I ended up marrying that crazy biatch. 2 years later dumped her ass like a bad habit.
 
2013-02-15 12:19:57 PM

pdieten: If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way.


So you have to put up with the HR girl's bullshiat and tell her what she wants to hear. I learned that a long time ago and it's not the most professional way to choose who to hire but it's the game you have to play. Sort of like knowing how to convince a stripper to come back to your hotel room with you.
 
2013-02-15 12:21:58 PM
One of the perks of my job... there is no shortage of really attractive (and actually pretty smart) ladies...

/The marketing director is REALLY beautiful...
//She's taken, unfortunately...
 
2013-02-15 12:23:07 PM

Mugato: pdieten: If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way.

So you have to put up with the HR girl's bullshiat and tell her what she wants to hear. I learned that a long time ago and it's not the most professional way to choose who to hire but it's the game you have to play. Sort of like knowing how to convince a stripper to come back to your hotel room with you.


The annoying part is when you have to put their questions on hold so you can explain how your qualifications do meet their minimums she just doesn't know what she's reading.
 
2013-02-15 12:24:19 PM
I married the incredibly hot IT guy. "Dating" co-workers was always a fun experience.
 
2013-02-15 12:25:18 PM
At my old job there were always office romances. Every 3-4 months we would get new part timers and interns. The lowest level of the parking garage would have a few couples going at it during lunch, it was also where everyone went to smoke up. The place Im at now is a lot more stuffy. A few months back one woman I work with a lot on projects was flirty with me, her and I are always like that and she would call me "Boyfriend" eventhough her BF is in jail currently. Her manager talked to me and asked if we were having a workplace relationship. I laughed over that one. At my old job tey couldnt have given 2 shiats.
 
2013-02-15 12:26:06 PM

farkerofDOOM: A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.


No doubt, but the vast majority of HR people (and non-technical people generally) can't tell the difference between a network administrator and a programmer.  It may be that understanding the distinctions requires significant immersion in the field, but nevertheless having a generalized "HR" function review job applicants for anything more specific than "hasn't committed any felonies we care about" is virtually guaranteed to ignore qualified applicants who didn't misspell the keywords the same way and to let in the Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert.
 
2013-02-15 12:26:36 PM
Did that once.  Ended terribly.  Small office and we dated for about three months.  The office was split on who was wronged in the relationship.  Just bad all around.  The company folded about a year later....THANK YOU!
 
2013-02-15 12:27:54 PM

Frankenstorm: I married the incredibly hot IT guy. "Dating" co-workers was always a fun experience.


Yeah, that is like saying I married sasquach.  There is no such thing.
 
2013-02-15 12:27:54 PM
My ideal HR representative:

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-15 12:27:56 PM

Girion47: Mugato: pdieten: If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way.

So you have to put up with the HR girl's bullshiat and tell her what she wants to hear. I learned that a long time ago and it's not the most professional way to choose who to hire but it's the game you have to play. Sort of like knowing how to convince a stripper to come back to your hotel room with you.

The annoying part is when you have to put their questions on hold so you can explain how your qualifications do meet their minimums she just doesn't know what she's reading.


Do you think they would have even bothered to call you back for a screening interview if your qualifications didn't meet the minimum? If they were at least slightly competent, they already knew that you qualified. They're trying to make sure that you can communicate like a human being and that your resume isn't full of BS.
 
2013-02-15 12:28:06 PM

Onkel Buck: Did  they mention the process a co-worker turning from manatee to mermaid?


24.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-15 12:29:08 PM
Hooked up with a co-worker back in the early 80's. We've been married now for 29 years and until recently, worked at the same company for 9 years.
Marriage ain't so bad.
 
2013-02-15 12:29:22 PM

farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.


You realize you're making the same excuse that everybody who sucks at their job makes, right?  I mean, you'd pretty much have to... being in HR and all.  I really *want* to do my best but I'm just not *empowered* to do it!
 
2013-02-15 12:29:39 PM

TheOther: That's a 30% failure rate.
The two purposes of office romance are 1) sex and 2) alleviate boredom at work.


I always thought the purpose was to get a new red stapler.

Actually, I always played dumb when a coworker came on to me.  I prefer shallow, one-dimensional relationships.  My kitchen's full of single-purpose tools, too.
 
2013-02-15 12:29:43 PM

Mugato: how to convince a stripper to come back to your hotel room with you


Flash some cash?
 
2013-02-15 12:29:47 PM

chrylis: farkerofDOOM: A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

No doubt, but the vast majority of HR people (and non-technical people generally) can't tell the difference between a network administrator and a programmer.  It may be that understanding the distinctions requires significant immersion in the field, but nevertheless having a generalized "HR" function review job applicants for anything more specific than "hasn't committed any felonies we care about" is virtually guaranteed to ignore qualified applicants who didn't misspell the keywords the same way and to let in the Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire Expert.


And that sucks.  I work in healthcare, and I can honestly say that the advisors who recruit are actually knowledgeable in their fields. A recruiter who doesn't take the time to at least get a basic understanding of the position they are recruiting for is as useful as a limp dong at a porn shoot.
 
2013-02-15 12:31:56 PM

BeesNuts: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.

You realize you're making the same excuse that everybody who sucks at their job makes, right?  I mean, you'd pretty much have to... being in HR and all.  I really *want* to do my best but I'm just not *empowered* allowed to do it, because otherwise I'd be fired!


FTFY

Calm down.
 
2013-02-15 12:32:37 PM
 
2013-02-15 12:33:22 PM

GoBadgers: Hooked up with a co-worker back in the early 80's. We've been married now for 29 years and until recently, worked at the same company for 9 years.
Marriage ain't so bad.


She was reading over your shoulder while you typed that, wasn't she?
 
2013-02-15 12:34:03 PM
Question for the HR people in this thread:  Why is it so difficult for you to call someone back or let them know where the interview process is?  I've been at my current job for 15 years (get off my office lawn!), but I had that experience then and I have several friends who are experiencing the same now.  The process appears to be:

1.  Send in your resume/CV
2.  HR contacts you to set up interview
3.  Interview where they talk up how awesome they are
4.  You send thank you note
5.  (radio silence from HR)
6.  Contact HR for status.  No return contact.
7.  (radio silence from HR)
8.  Contact HR again.  No return contact.
9.  (more radio silence from HR)
10a.  They call you a month later asking if you'd like the position.
10b.  You get a job elsewhere or continue looking

(intentional caps lock)  WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?  Even if it's just to say, "Hey, we don't have any information yet.  Just hold tight."  The one thing HR-folk need to realize is that you make your company look like shiat by not communicating.  You interviewed me, and if I said that communication wasn't a strong point, would you hire me?  Yet, from my experience on both sides (employed and trying to gain employment), anyone in the HR department sucks at getting back to you in any useable amount of time.

/the people in accounting can give the HR department a run for their money
 
2013-02-15 12:35:24 PM

BeesNuts: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.

You realize you're making the same excuse that everybody who sucks at their job makes, right?  I mean, you'd pretty much have to... being in HR and all.  I really *want* to do my best but I'm just not *empowered* to do it!


Nope. I am blissfully unaware of what you speak of!  In all honestly, as much as you want to be a snarky twit, that's fine, but what I'm saying is true.

I work in healthcare and my peers constantly want to hire the nurse who has 20years of PACU/OR experience, but when they go to get the approval for said hire, they are denied b/c it would cost too much, so they have to hire the recent grad who only has two years experience.  HR has managers and executives that they have to answer to, just like everyone else.

I'm curious as to what it is that you do that allows you to be super awesome and never be held back by anything.  Is it your Wheaties?
 
2013-02-15 12:37:20 PM
In my 5 years since college I've seen 3 workplace relationships start. All of them are still going strong, though none of them are engaged or married yet.

/anecdote != data though
 
2013-02-15 12:37:39 PM
Oh look, another HR mandated 16 hours of company wide sexual harassment training....wooo
 
2013-02-15 12:42:05 PM

HotIgneous Intruder: farkerofDOOM: As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.

That's bullshiat.
HR is the problem. There are no zero defect human beings. Get over it and find a real job, one in which you do productive work with economic value.

/Oh right. You probably can't get hired because ... oh man ... of your employment history.


I worked in HR long ago, as a recruiter for sales teams.   My only concern was getting applicants who could help the teams make their quotas.  But my boss' first concern was avoiding unionization.  I had strict secret orders to reject anyone who'd ever worked for a unionized company, even if he/she worked in a non-unionized division.   The ban even extended to family of applicants, if that info slipped out during the interview.  This was during the halcyon days when about 25% of workers were union.  It had a serious effect on the quality and quantity of applicants I could refer to hiring managers.

I lasted about 18 months before being fired for "insufficient exercise of diplomacy and tact."
 
2013-02-15 12:42:26 PM

vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:  Why is it so difficult for you to call someone back or let them know where the interview process is?  I've been at my current job for 15 years (get off my office lawn!), but I had that experience then and I have several friends who are experiencing the same now.  The process appears to be:

1.  Send in your resume/CV
2.  HR contacts you to set up interview
3.  Interview where they talk up how awesome they are
4.  You send thank you note
5.  (radio silence from HR)
6.  Contact HR for status.  No return contact.
7.  (radio silence from HR)
8.  Contact HR again.  No return contact.
9.  (more radio silence from HR)
10a.  They call you a month later asking if you'd like the position.
10b.  You get a job elsewhere or continue looking

(intentional caps lock)  WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?  Even if it's just to say, "Hey, we don't have any information yet.  Just hold tight."  The one thing HR-folk need to realize is that you make your company look like shiat by not communicating.  You interviewed me, and if I said that communication wasn't a strong point, would you hire me?  Yet, from my experience on both sides (employed and trying to gain employment), anyone in the HR department sucks at getting back to you in any useable amount of time.

/the people in accounting can give the HR department a run for their money


A lot of the time, it's just due to the sheer amount of recruiting and applicants.  One recruiter could be covering 20+ postings, and if they only bring in 3 applicants for each open position to interview, that's 60 people that they have to continually follow up with.  It's a crappy excuse and it sucks.

Some recruiters I know have pre-canned emails that they'll send out to make things easier saying, "thanks for coming in, we're still reviewing candidates, if you don't hear from us in two weeks, please feel free to reach out to us".

I can completely agree with what you're saying though (as someone who is currently employed, but actively searching) - there is nothing worse than not even getting a simple email saying "Hey!  We haven't forgotten you!".
 
2013-02-15 12:43:34 PM
Been in my office for 3 years; in that time 3 office relationships formed.  The first relationship moved outta state but they ended up getting married and are still together.  The 2nd couple did a terrible job of hiding it, dated for a while and then broke up.  Kept it real professional after that but then the guy left to go be a priest so that ended any kind of awkwardness....though I can't imagine wondering if I was the reason a guy decided to be a farking PRIEST.  Seriously that could be enough to fark up anyone.  And the last couple, the girl dumped her fiance OUTSIDE the company for the guy in her cubicle aisle....they got married last year.
 
2013-02-15 12:44:51 PM

farkerofDOOM: As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that. A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want. A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.


So its just the 90% who give the other 10% a bad name?

I could jump in with my examples of HR glory.  A prominent one was a recent interview I did with a government agency.  I did exceptionally well during the interview stages where I was talking with people actually in my specialty.  In fact, because I actually work for their peers on a daily basis they were able to ask some really solid questions and get a strong sense of my abilities.

...Then I went on to the interview portion with some senior management officers.  I signed a NDA, so I cant go into what specifically we talked about, but it was way the fark out in left field.  I acquitted myself quite well, but there was honestly no justification or supporting rational for why they drilled down so far into some topics.  Imagine an engineer applying for a naval shipyard job being asked increasingly specific questions about the best way for a beautician to remove pubic hair at a saloon.  They then went on to hire the woman who was also interviewing that day.
 
2013-02-15 12:45:01 PM

pdieten: It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.


You call em damaged.  I call em engineers.  :p

Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't.  Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should.  Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not?  I don't have to work with you.

I'm sure you're a nice person and not *that HR drone*, but I've watched too many brilliant minds go by the wayside because they "weren't compatible with our culture here" to really trust a third party to vet someone's personality.  And on that note, no corporate culture is that unique either.  And you're not a psychoanalyst.  You are HR.  You are there to manage people.  As if they were a resource to be burned.  Like gasoline.  Or paraffin.

Out of curiosity, do you have a Headcount Report you read/generate/send for review periodically?
 
2013-02-15 12:45:47 PM

farkerofDOOM: vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:  Why is it so difficult for you to call someone back or let them know where the interview process is?  I've been at my current job for 15 years (get off my office lawn!), but I had that experience then and I have several friends who are experiencing the same now.  The process appears to be:

1.  Send in your resume/CV
2.  HR contacts you to set up interview
3.  Interview where they talk up how awesome they are
4.  You send thank you note
5.  (radio silence from HR)
6.  Contact HR for status.  No return contact.
7.  (radio silence from HR)
8.  Contact HR again.  No return contact.
9.  (more radio silence from HR)
10a.  They call you a month later asking if you'd like the position.
10b.  You get a job elsewhere or continue looking

(intentional caps lock)  WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?  Even if it's just to say, "Hey, we don't have any information yet.  Just hold tight."  The one thing HR-folk need to realize is that you make your company look like shiat by not communicating.  You interviewed me, and if I said that communication wasn't a strong point, would you hire me?  Yet, from my experience on both sides (employed and trying to gain employment), anyone in the HR department sucks at getting back to you in any useable amount of time.

/the people in accounting can give the HR department a run for their money

A lot of the time, it's just due to the sheer amount of recruiting and applicants.  One recruiter could be covering 20+ postings, and if they only bring in 3 applicants for each open position to interview, that's 60 people that they have to continually follow up with.  It's a crappy excuse and it sucks.

Some recruiters I know have pre-canned emails that they'll send out to make things easier saying, "thanks for coming in, we're still reviewing candidates, if you don't hear from us in two weeks, please feel free to reach out to us".

I can completely agree with what you're saying t ...


Excellent response.  Thank you for responding so quickly.  ;-P
 
2013-02-15 12:46:22 PM

vento: 4. You send thank you note
5. (radio silence from HR)
6. Contact HR for status. No return contact.
7. (radio silence from HR)
8. Contact HR again. No return contact.
9. (more radio silence from HR)


Stalk much?

vento: WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?


Because there a probably a bunch of other applicants, not to mention other positions to fill and other duties. They don't have time to call every attention-craving candidate, especially just to say "we're still working on it."
 
2013-02-15 12:47:39 PM

vento: farkerofDOOM: vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:  Why is it so difficult for you to call someone back or let them know where the interview process is?  I've been at my current job for 15 years (get off my office lawn!), but I had that experience then and I have several friends who are experiencing the same now.  The process appears to be:

1.  Send in your resume/CV
2.  HR contacts you to set up interview
3.  Interview where they talk up how awesome they are
4.  You send thank you note
5.  (radio silence from HR)
6.  Contact HR for status.  No return contact.
7.  (radio silence from HR)
8.  Contact HR again.  No return contact.
9.  (more radio silence from HR)
10a.  They call you a month later asking if you'd like the position.
10b.  You get a job elsewhere or continue looking

(intentional caps lock)  WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?  Even if it's just to say, "Hey, we don't have any information yet.  Just hold tight."  The one thing HR-folk need to realize is that you make your company look like shiat by not communicating.  You interviewed me, and if I said that communication wasn't a strong point, would you hire me?  Yet, from my experience on both sides (employed and trying to gain employment), anyone in the HR department sucks at getting back to you in any useable amount of time.

/the people in accounting can give the HR department a run for their money

A lot of the time, it's just due to the sheer amount of recruiting and applicants.  One recruiter could be covering 20+ postings, and if they only bring in 3 applicants for each open position to interview, that's 60 people that they have to continually follow up with.  It's a crappy excuse and it sucks.

Some recruiters I know have pre-canned emails that they'll send out to make things easier saying, "thanks for coming in, we're still reviewing candidates, if you don't hear from us in two weeks, please feel free to reach out to us".

I can completely agree with what y ...


At least you got a response this time =)
 
2013-02-15 12:47:55 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-15 12:48:10 PM

farkerofDOOM: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

As an "HR drone", I'd like to attest to the fact that not all HR people are like that.  A lot of the time (for example, my current company), HR is held back by what senior leadership wants, thus, a hire is often made that isn't right for the department, but it's what the big guns want.  A good HR advisor/consultant/generalist/etc. WANTS to hire the best person for the job - the one that has the best qualifications, the one that had the kind of personality that will mesh well with the existings ones and what not.

Just keep that in mind.


HR is the cop with the radar gun of business. They perform no function that is useful to the people they supposedly support. They are often an incumbrance on those that they 'intend' to serve. They absolutely NEVER take the side of those that they suggest that they are there to help. Most of their workday is geared to do exactly the opposite of their stated goals. And you'll never meet one that is honest about any of this.

 Just keep that in mind...DERP
 
2013-02-15 12:49:21 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Mugato: how to convince a stripper to come back to your hotel room with you

Flash some cash?


Roofies.
 
2013-02-15 12:49:52 PM

Girion47: I also had another company where I did an 8 hour, 12 person interview at 2 different locations.   One in Fairfax, VA and the other at L'Enfant Plaza in DC.  The question that made me call off the interview in that case was "What's your greatest weakness"   There were other gems like "what book did you read last" or "tell me of a time you had an argument with a co-worker"


"What can you contribute to a culture of diversity and tolerance?"

/ My internal PC "Bulls**t" Meter went into the red when I was asked this...
// drifting OT, I know..
 
2013-02-15 12:50:00 PM
Brief HR CSB:
At one point in the dot-com era, everyone was hiring so many people that the quality of interview turned to crap.  They just hired any warm body.  Went to some career fair type thing on campus and submitted my resume all over.  I had HR drones asking me algorithm, os, and programming language questions like they were reading a foreign language phonetically.  The expected answers were canned, and you had to guess which exact phrase they were looking for to get one right.

them: "You see a file called 'junk.sh', what do you do?"
me: "Uh. Ignore it? Check file permissions, make sure it's not suid?  Cat it and see what it does? Don't run it since it sounds like a oneoff?"
them: "Hmm.. what about the sort of file it is?"
me: "Well, based on the name it sounds like a one-off script that is meant to be thrown away, maybe from just testing something out?  You'd have to look at the contents to know."
them: "You're halfway there ...  it's a ___ script?"
me: "A ... shell script?"
them: "Close! it starts with S."
me:  "Uh..a...an ... S.H. script?"
them: "Yes, that's it! Okay, next question, what's Zuh-hut-mal?"
me: "Could you spell that?"
them: "X-H-T-M-L."
me: *Sigh*

Funny thing, the woman responsible for those winner questions had randomly called me early on a Saturday morning for the interview, and I was so drunk/hungover that I thought it was a friend of a friend asking for help in some sort of remedial computer course.  I went back to sleep afterwards and didn't remember the name of the person or the company, only that they said they'd send an offer letter.  Had to wait 3 weeks before I figured out whom I had impressed.
 
2013-02-15 12:50:20 PM
At an old company I was in Tech Support and we need to hire another field support person. HR really pushed diversity on us since there were no women in Tech Support se we ended up hiring a girl fresh out of college. Very pretty girl, seemed to know her stuff. I got along well with her but she immediately clashed with all of the female execs in the place. Starting dating one of the worker drones in the company. This pisses off the execs more because drone was the cute guy they all "needed" to work on a project. The two of them get serious and get married. Shortly thereafter, one female VP demands that we fire her because she was rude and insubordinate and failed to fix her problem. Our boss looks at the customer surveys and sees she gets a lot of bad reviews (all from the female staff), so they fire her. She that files a sexual harassment claim against the company, and wins. Seems one of my IT coworkers felt it was his duty to harass her once she started dating the other guy. He wanted to date her too (of course he was married at the time).

After that HR let us hire anyone we wanted. Her replacement was this guy fresh out of the military. Amateur body builder. The female staff loved him.

The girl and the drone got divorced after two years. Seemed he was ready to start a family and she was ready to party with her settlement money.

/Lots of women in this company
//Lots of hot women
///We used to play "who has on the shortest skirt today" game
////always a winner
 
2013-02-15 12:51:38 PM
Working together forces both parties to communicate, be accountable to one another, both parties have potentially a lot to lose in the relationship, you are sharing a common goal and potential interest, and it offers both parties additional time to be together. In my opinion, if you can't work together you probably shouldn't get married. It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche. I think the reason you see so many failed marriages currently, is because people don't understand what a marriage and a real relationship is. Most people think that is just the logical next step after you have dated for sometime, all your friends are doing it, or someone was an idiot and got preggers early.
 
2013-02-15 12:53:06 PM

Girion47: Molavian: Girion47: Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

I completely agree with you, when hiring people for technical(i.e. revenue generating and not overhead like HR) positions, HR does it's best to ruin the experience for everyone involved.


For my current job, I was grilled by an 8 person panel interview for 3 hours.  It was a highly technical interview.  At first I was intimidated, but that quickly turned to relief once we all started talking due to one reason.

The number of HR people asking me what type of cookie I am was 0.

I'm gathering you've had the same type of experience.

I have, last time I was looking for a job, it came down to two companies.   One had done phone interviews with me the whole time, we talked about my experience, the project manager gushed over my resume's layout, and she laid out what would be happening in the job.

The other company flew me in, set me up in a rundown looking conferenc ...


I had an all-day series of interviews for a job (which I ended up not getting) - I had not yet learned at that point that it was okay to repeat myself - i.e. that when the fourth interviewer of the day asked the same question the prior three had asked, it would have been best to just rehash my earlier version of the answer rather than try to dig up a fourth unique answer.

In any case, things went downhill when halfway through answering...something for the fifth or sixth interviewer of the day, his entire office started shaking.  Not 'humming', but 'oh christ, we're next to a rocket launch' shaking.  This pretty well demolished my train of thought, and I paused to look inquiringly at the guy in a 'um, should we be running away now?' sort of way.  It took him a minute to even realize the office was shaking, and explained that it was due to being right above part of the factory facility, and that he was totally used to it.

Anyhow, I picked up the pieces of my train of thought and did my best to muddle through - when I later got the call that they would not be offering me the position, the helpful lady on the phone provided the feedback that I had seemed 'really nervous'.  Well, yeah - I thought the building was collapsing, that'll rattle some folks.

/may not have been the only reason
 
2013-02-15 12:54:20 PM

theurge14: She wouldn't date me because we were co-workers.

But I wouldn't have met her if I didn't work here.

Le sigh.


Like strippers who won't date customers.

And yet, I used to hear, "Well, you're not a customer..; you're a friend who drops  by."
 
2013-02-15 12:54:40 PM

JusticeandIndependence: Frankenstorm: I married the incredibly hot IT guy. "Dating" co-workers was always a fun experience.

Yeah, that is like saying I married sasquach.  There is no such thing.


I hear ya, but in this case it's true.
 
2013-02-15 12:54:51 PM
I did it once, it was a great bj, but not worth the post bj hassles.
 
2013-02-15 12:55:33 PM

Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.


I work in an HR-adjacent tech field.  A hobby of mine is collecting all the various euphemisms for what used to be called Personnel.

So far my winner for most dehumanizing is "Intellectual Capital Development".

My favorite in a good way is "People Operations".
 
2013-02-15 12:56:01 PM

Der Poopflinger: I did it once, it was a great bj, but not worth the post bj hassles.


So you're saying it didn't get you that promotion?
 
2013-02-15 12:56:49 PM

BeesNuts: pdieten: It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

You call em damaged.  I call em engineers.  :p

Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't.  Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should.  Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not?  I don't have to work with you.

I'm sure you're a nice person and not *that HR drone*, but I've watched too many brilliant minds go by the wayside because they "weren't compatible with our culture here" to really trust a third party to vet someone's personality.  And on that note, no corporate culture is that unique either.  And you're not a psychoanalyst.  You are HR.  You are there to manage people.  As if they were a resource to be burned.  Like gasoline.  Or paraffin.

Out of curiosity, do you have a Headcount Report you read/generate/send for review periodically?


Again, a lot of the final decisions come down from above the entity level.  Also, HR is moving from "managing people" to consulting.  HR should be there for policy and procedure clarifications (yes, Jane, you are a nurse and thus considered essential personnel, so you have to make every possible effort to come in during a blizzard), advising on tricky employee relations, union issues, and benefits/leaves/compensation questions.  HR is a different breed than what is was 15-20 years ago.  Back then, HR did everything from A-Z, and now that has changed.  The business world is changing, thus, the business needs are changing.

By headcount, do you mean position control?  If so, I do run a master report weekly, but that's b/c a good portion of my job is reporting/metrics, so I frequently get requests of "how many people in dept. A", "how many total employees", so on and so forth.  It's easier to have one big report that I can easily pare down than having to run 10 or so individual reports each day.
 
2013-02-15 12:56:55 PM

Shocktopus: work in an HR-adjacent tech field. A hobby of mine is collecting all the various euphemisms for what used to be called Personnel.

So far my winner for most dehumanizing is "Intellectual Capital Development".

My favorite in a good way is "People Operations".


Mine is: "warm bodies."
 
2013-02-15 12:57:51 PM

Forbidden Doughnut: "What can you contribute to a culture of diversity and tolerance?"


That would have been it for me. I would have deliberately said the most politically incorrect thing I could think of, got up, and left.
 
2013-02-15 12:59:21 PM
Just don't stick your dick in the pickle slicer.
 
2013-02-15 01:00:17 PM

BeesNuts: Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't. Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should. Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not? I don't have to work with you.


This.  I screened on skills and past performance.  I let the hiring manager judge personality fit because he knew more about the people he managed than I did.
 
2013-02-15 01:02:31 PM

WhippingBoy: Forbidden Doughnut: "What can you contribute to a culture of diversity and tolerance?"

That would have been it for me. I would have deliberately said the most politically incorrect thing I could think of, got up, and left.


The job I loved was the one where during the interview the Hiring Manager openly mocked HR interview type questions.

He was running out of things to say about the position and he was like "Oh hey, let me ask you bullshiat questions, 'what's your greatest....HA who cares?"
 
2013-02-15 01:03:35 PM

gerbilpox: vento: 4. You send thank you note
5. (radio silence from HR)
6. Contact HR for status. No return contact.
7. (radio silence from HR)
8. Contact HR again. No return contact.
9. (more radio silence from HR)

Stalk much?

vento: WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?

Because there a probably a bunch of other applicants, not to mention other positions to fill and other duties. They don't have time to call every attention-craving candidate, especially just to say "we're still working on it."


Stalk? I wasn't specific about a timeframe in my post, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. The first contact would be over a week later. The second contact would be another week later.  That would be contacting you twice in two-and-a-half to three weeks.  That's hardly stalking.  HR should be more concerned that a candidate *isn't* contacting them for a status update.  And these aren't recruiting interviews - most of these instances I'm aware of are specific positions requiring experienced candidates, so the potential population is much smaller.

As for being an "attention-craving candidate", how about DOING YOUR JOB?  You expect the people you hire to do theirs, do you not?  You knew when you accepted a position in HR that you would have to interview candidates and perform the tasks associated with that process.  Part of that process requires (***gasp***) communication.  There's a magical thing called e-mail, and it can send a message to multiple recipients.  There is a way to hide who the other recipients are.  It is a very useful means of communication.
 
2013-02-15 01:05:46 PM
I hate Investigating 'improper relationships'.  Why do people not realize we keep copies of all your e-mail and text messages?  If you are going to fark around - don't use company owned equipment or company paid hotels.

/leaving a company for 'health reasons' is usually code for I was fark'n a subordinate
 
2013-02-15 01:06:46 PM

TheOther: That's a 30% failure rate.
The two purposes of office romance are 1) sex and 2) alleviate boredom at work.


Yep, all of mine were married chicks so no attachments needed.

Now I'm married so the fun level at work is way toned down.
 
2013-02-15 01:08:32 PM

vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:  Why is it so difficult for you to call someone back or let them know where the interview process is?  I've been at my current job for 15 years (get off my office lawn!), but I had that experience then and I have several friends who are experiencing the same now.


I'm not in HR but as someone who is actively interviewing people at the moment - its because we don't want to get sued.

/i feel the pain
 
2013-02-15 01:09:54 PM

gingerjet: I hate Investigating 'improper relationships'.  Why do people not realize we keep copies of all your e-mail and text messages?  If you are going to fark around - don't use company owned equipment or company paid hotels.

/leaving a company for 'health reasons' is usually code for I was fark'n a subordinate


Or substance abuse issues.  Or both.
 
2013-02-15 01:10:24 PM
1) Interviewed a while back with a software company, and the HR "manager" was clearly someone's hot bimbo gf/wife. Whenever the subject of salary came up, they fell back to "CULTURE!!!!" "We send the girls over to Costco every friday, there's smoothies in the break room!!!!!! Some employees eat all their meals here!".


Greeeeeat. I'm married and have a mortgage, and am capable of buying my own food. But not if I work here, because you don't actually pay people.

2) They also asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years". In my head, I answered "Not working for a company that asks that dead horse of a question"

3) Asked me "Do you see yourself as more of a developer, or a business side person". I answered "this is an implementation position, right? So really, in the middle, talking to both sides. That's my strength.

Them: "But if you "HAD" to choose?

Me: Probably more on the business side.

Them: "Oh, we're a development shop, you might want to rethink that".

Me: (in my head) Well, asshole, you made me answer your stupid question, then called me on the answer. I'm definitely rethinking even being here.

I really wished I had more guts, and went in to tank mode. When they ask a question I don't like, I look at buddy and snap "Terrible question". (point at other person) "Your turn, GO!"
 
2013-02-15 01:10:42 PM

pdieten: I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

You know, a lot of people can do a job. Even the really hard technical ones. You aren't as unique as you think. It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way. That way you'll get past the screening interview and get to talk to the hiring manager.


Indeed.  The HR interview part of a tech hire isn't about the tech.  They don't know and don't care about the arcana of your specialty.  That's for the line manager and team members to do.  It's for weeding out angry, maladjusted Miltons that can end up poisoning a whole department.  Usually metaphorically, but you never know with some of these angry nerds.

If you can't make it through one interview with HR without succumbing to your nerd rage, you are the problem, not HR.  And HR just did it's job keeping you away from the normal people who can at least fake social skills enough to be semi-pleasant to work around.
 
2013-02-15 01:12:12 PM

Der Poopflinger: I did it once, it was a great bj, but not worth the post bj hassles.


BJ's are always worth it.


/for the recipient, at least
//unless they get bitey
 
2013-02-15 01:12:15 PM
Working in restaurants, it's pretty much di rigor. Waitresses and cooks date. Cooks often date one another. You don't date anyone whose schedule you control, but in restaurants, you spend how much time together? Share stress in common? Drink together afterward? Hang out in common? It's pretty much expected. When waitstaff date each other, or cooks date each other there can be oddness, since you form a team, and the breakup can affect that dynamic, so I try not to get into those situations, but then again, you date the folks who get you.
 
2013-02-15 01:15:56 PM

WxGuy1: Onkel Buck: Did  they mention the process a co-worker turning from manatee to mermaid?

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x343]


LOL! The Mermaid Theory!

I'm telling you, after a month of looking at a female co-worker 5 times per week, I promise I'll find something about her that makes her farkable.
 
2013-02-15 01:18:08 PM

BeesNuts: pdieten: It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

You call em damaged.  I call em engineers.  :p

Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't.  Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should.  Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not?  I don't have to work with you.

I'm sure you're a nice person and not *that HR drone*, but I've watched too many brilliant minds go by the wayside because they "weren't compatible with our culture here" to really trust a third party to vet someone's personality.  And on that note, no corporate culture is that unique either.  And you're not a psychoanalyst.  You are HR.  You are there to manage people.  As if they were a resource to be burned.  Like gasoline.  Or paraffin.

Out of curiosity, do you have a Headcount Report you read/generate/send for review periodically?


I don't work in HR. I'm an IT guy who's gone on enough interviews in my life to know that if, as <b>Shocktopus</b> pointed out immediately upthread, if you can't fake being human long enough to survive a screening interview then you seriously need to get over yourself and stop thinking that your mad tech skillz are enough to get you hired anywhere. You need to work on your personality a little bit. Not enough to turn you into a management consultant. You're still allowed to be you. Just a better you. A version of you that can fake it long enough to get in front of a hiring manager. It's not really that much to ask.
 
2013-02-15 01:19:12 PM
Hm. HTML fail. Oh well. I suck today. I'll get over it.
 
2013-02-15 01:19:19 PM
I have sex at work all the time, and things have never been awkward.

/Proud farmer
 
2013-02-15 01:19:23 PM

Shocktopus: If you can't make it through one interview with HR without succumbing to your nerd rage, you are the problem, not HR.  And HR just did it's job keeping you away from the normal people who can at least fake social skills enough to be semi-pleasant to work around.


You mean the one's HR complains about not knowing how to do their jobs?

At least they are semi-pleasant!
 
2013-02-15 01:22:47 PM

Hebalo: Me: (in my head) Well, asshole, you made me answer your stupid question, then called me on the answer. I'm definitely rethinking even being here.

I really wished I had more guts, and went in to tank mode. When they ask a question I don't like, I look at buddy and snap "Terrible question". (point at other person) "Your turn, GO!"


Same experience here. I'm too broke (and wimpy) to do it, but I am so tempted to go to an interview fully intending to blow it, just so I get the chance to tell them off about the BS (and there almost always is some).
 
2013-02-15 01:22:58 PM
I have never seen an attractive woman in my field (Software Engineering). They do not exist, so no worries here.

/actually there was this pretty cute Indian girl once
//too bad she didn't shower
///or wear deodorant
 
2013-02-15 01:23:05 PM

Hebalo: 1) Interviewed a while back with a software company, and the HR "manager" was clearly someone's hot bimbo gf/wife. Whenever the subject of salary came up, they fell back to "CULTURE!!!!" "We send the girls over to Costco every friday, there's smoothies in the break room!!!!!! Some employees eat all their meals here!".


My favorite are the recruiters who are 22 years old with a newly minted college degree who are trying to evaluate my resume with 20 years of experience on it.  I was once contacted by such a guy from a major retailer (*cough* Best Buy *cough*) who went on about how I was a perfect fit and how awesome the place was.   After 25 minutes he asked me where I got my degree.  When I informed him I didn't have one and he told me he couldn't pass me on without a degree.  I told him have a nice day.  Three years later I get a cold call from that exact same retailer asking me to come in for an interview for a job I was a perfect fit for (and this time they didn't care about the degree).  I informed them they had their chance three years ago and a nice gentlemen by the name of Kyle blew any chances of considering your company for employment.  Oh and have a nice day.

/idiots
 
2013-02-15 01:24:19 PM
I'm 41 and banging a hot 24 year old redhead from work... oops.
 
2013-02-15 01:24:51 PM

The WindowLicker: Shocktopus: work in an HR-adjacent tech field. A hobby of mine is collecting all the various euphemisms for what used to be called Personnel.

So far my winner for most dehumanizing is "Intellectual Capital Development".

My favorite in a good way is "People Operations".

Mine is: "warm bodies."


I'm talking about the actual formal name of the department.  "Human Capital" was the fave for a while, I mean, that's pretty vicious but still has the word Human in it.  "Intellectual" abstracts it even further.  A good step until we can just skulljack people into our network and store them in pods.
 
2013-02-15 01:24:55 PM

gingerjet: Hebalo: 1) Interviewed a while back with a software company, and the HR "manager" was clearly someone's hot bimbo gf/wife. Whenever the subject of salary came up, they fell back to "CULTURE!!!!" "We send the girls over to Costco every friday, there's smoothies in the break room!!!!!! Some employees eat all their meals here!".

My favorite are the recruiters who are 22 years old with a newly minted college degree who are trying to evaluate my resume with 20 years of experience on it.  I was once contacted by such a guy from a major retailer (*cough* Best Buy *cough*) who went on about how I was a perfect fit and how awesome the place was.   After 25 minutes he asked me where I got my degree.  When I informed him I didn't have one and he told me he couldn't pass me on without a degree.  I told him have a nice day.  Three years later I get a cold call from that exact same retailer asking me to come in for an interview for a job I was a perfect fit for (and this time they didn't care about the degree).  I informed them they had their chance three years ago and a nice gentlemen by the name of Kyle blew any chances of considering your company for employment.  Oh and have a nice day.

/idiots


Uh, large corporate work environments almost all have glass ceiling based on your degree or lack thereof. Some of it is idiotic, and some of it is idiotic so if they promote/lay someone off they have it as an excuse.
 
2013-02-15 01:26:39 PM

Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat. We were off/on for a few months, but we worked in completely different departments at the opposite ends of the office, so minimal awkwardness around other people as we didn't tell anyone. Still, it was too much for me, so I ended it the easiest way possible, by moving back to Chicago.

Good times.


How do you "accidentally" sleep with someone?
 
2013-02-15 01:27:27 PM
It did my sister in, in the end. She dated one guy at her work (she's one of very FEW female employees) for over a year, they broke up, she dated another guy from there for close to a year, he beat her, so she broke up with him. Took one last dip in the company pool and found a winner, now engaged, but now jobless, because the very first guy moved up in the ranks and as soon as he was in a position to do so, started finding things she was doing "wrong" and fired her. She had been with the place longer than he, and SHOULD have been next in command, but because of severe illness/surgery the last couple of years, she didn't want nor feel up to the responsibility.

/place of work is a charity that refurbishes donated computers for public schooles, etc..
//tried to tell her, don't shiat where you eat...
 
2013-02-15 01:28:32 PM
I've taken part in the long standing tradition of nailing the chubby receptionist whilst drunk out of my mind after a company christmas party. Being a cliché is kind of my thing.
 
2013-02-15 01:30:12 PM

Molavian: I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?


It's funny how the IT guys are always so butthurt about everyone else.
 
2013-02-15 01:30:18 PM
My HR CSB:

It's 1989, at a Fortune 500 company, in the world's tallest building. I'm a young copywriter at a retail company that's undergoing staff-reductions in all departments. I'm called into a meeting with my National Manager and the HR rep.

Them: Good news. There is a job for you. It's not in this department, it'll be in a new department called "Strategic Marketing". Would you like to take it?

Me: Well, thank you. What would I be doing?

Them: Strategic marketing.

Me: What is that?

Them: We don't really know yet.

Me: Who will I be working for?

Them: We don't quite know that either, yet.

Me: Do you know how much it will pay?

Them: (literally, an eyeroll, implying it's dumb of me to even ask such a question)

Me: Well, how long do I have to think this over?

Them: (long pause) We need an answer.

Me: You mean... today?

Them: Welllllllllll... (sigh) OK, you can have a couple of hours, tops.

Fast forward to 2 weeks later. I've been in the new position for several days now, and I still have very little clue what the job is supposed to be or even how much it pays. But at least I'm still gainfully employed during a bad recession. My department head hands me a form to fill out, for the purpose of making new business cards. I get to the space marked "Title" and I'm stumped. So I call my HR rep...

Me: Hi. I need to know my actual job title. It's for my business card.

HR: OK, let me look that up. (long pause)  Huh. Let me get back to you.

(20 minutes later, the junior assistant to the HR rep calls me)

Me: Hi. Is this about my job title?

HR asst: Yes! How did you know?!

Me: Lucky guess. So...?

HR asst: So...?

Me: Wait, are you asking ME what my job title is?

HR asst.: Uh-huh.

In a flash, I could see what had happened. I asked the rep, and she didn't know. So she delegated the task of finding out to her underling... who did the obvious and logic thing. She called me to ask me.

It took all the discipline I could muster to keep from answering "Pimp Kingpin" or "Evil Genius". Because, without doubt, that's what my mutherfarking business card would have said. And it would have been awesome.
 
2013-02-15 01:32:01 PM
One place I worked actually had a policy against dating anyone in the company.  Sure, it wasn't a huge company (about 60 people) but they didn't just say "don't date your direct reports or your manager" it was basically verboten across the board.

I pointed out to a guy "updating" the corporate policies that this one was a dud: unenforceable and, frankly, given the number of single people working 60+ hour weeks (most with long commutes in the bargain), having relationships develop between colleagues was going to happen at some point (note: I didn't mean me, I was engaged to someone in a completely different business).  He told me off, and told me how wrong I was.

Then his wife dumped him and managed to take most of "their" friends with her.  Suddenly he discovered that the people he knew best and saw the most were his coworkers.  The policy ended up being modified.

/didn't help him, I believe he's still single
 
2013-02-15 01:33:00 PM

WhippingBoy: Forbidden Doughnut: "What can you contribute to a culture of diversity and tolerance?"

That would have been it for me. I would have deliberately said the most politically incorrect thing I could think of, got up, and left.


And the HR filter would have proven it's worth right there.  If you tantrum like a child when someone asks an annoying question in an interview where you are presumably on your best behavior, how are you going to act day-to-day on the job?

Better answer:  "Well, it sounds corny, but what I can contribute is in fact the tolerance you're asking about.  I don't care who someone is or what they look like.  If they know their stuff and can do their job, that's the person I want to work with.  Anything else doesn't really matter to me."

See?  You made your point about competence being more important than bullshiat, but didn't stomp out like a freak in high dudgeon.  THAT'S THE POINT OF THE QUESTION.

Also, HR people network together.  Pull a tard stunt like that and you'll be talked about over drinks and will find it very difficult to get an interview anywhere.  And you'll never know why.
 
2013-02-15 01:34:28 PM

vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:


So you were .. the ONLY applicant? Or do you believe that how you feel is way more important than what some busy HR drone has going on? Don't you realize that the process you (and your "friends") just experienced is geared toward people who are employed? Nobody like desperate. Sell it somewhere else.
 
2013-02-15 01:36:13 PM
At first I thought the 30% figure was insanely high, but it might make sense that people over the age of...35 or maybe even just 30+ could sway the number higher. By that age, I'd imagine you're almost entirely over the basic bar/club/nightlife scene and your options for meeting potential partners starts to whittle down a bit.

I had one office romance at my first job out of college and it ended spectacularly poorly (thankfully most of the awkwardness wasn't really played out AT work in front of everyone else, but still...) so I haven't fished off the company pier since.
 
2013-02-15 01:36:57 PM

Molavian: farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow

I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?


During a bout of unemployment I went and sent a letter to a call center which handles IT issues. It would be easy enough since I have some experience in explaining to people that it usually helps if the screen is plugged in (and I lost my faith in humanity years before that).

I got this question: how would you explain what an IP address is to an elderly woman who called with internet problems? My answer was a ver honest "I wouldn't, I'd just point them to the right screen and tell them what it should say." After that I had to explain to someone from some small island what a bus/bus stop was. But somehow I should't assume they have ox carts (no cars and no carts?). In the end I didn't get the job because I was over qualified.

/just tell me that at the start and don't waste my time.
 
2013-02-15 01:40:24 PM

the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.


Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.
 
2013-02-15 01:42:35 PM

belome: I'm 41 and banging a hot 24 year old redhead from work... oops.


cdn.hark.com

Dude....teach us...
 
2013-02-15 01:44:25 PM

the money is in the banana stand: gingerjet: Hebalo: 1) Interviewed a while back with a software company, and the HR "manager" was clearly someone's hot bimbo gf/wife. Whenever the subject of salary came up, they fell back to "CULTURE!!!!" "We send the girls over to Costco every friday, there's smoothies in the break room!!!!!! Some employees eat all their meals here!".

My favorite are the recruiters who are 22 years old with a newly minted college degree who are trying to evaluate my resume with 20 years of experience on it.  I was once contacted by such a guy from a major retailer (*cough* Best Buy *cough*) who went on about how I was a perfect fit and how awesome the place was.   After 25 minutes he asked me where I got my degree.  When I informed him I didn't have one and he told me he couldn't pass me on without a degree.  I told him have a nice day.  Three years later I get a cold call from that exact same retailer asking me to come in for an interview for a job I was a perfect fit for (and this time they didn't care about the degree).  I informed them they had their chance three years ago and a nice gentlemen by the name of Kyle blew any chances of considering your company for employment.  Oh and have a nice day.

/idiots

Uh, large corporate work environments almost all have glass ceiling based on your degree or lack thereof. Some of it is idiotic, and some of it is idiotic so if they promote/lay someone off they have it as an excuse.


Glass ceiling - yes. It's ridiculous to not even consider the person for the position and quite frankly very stupid. You're passing up an opportunity to lowball someone while you try them out. Also, the non-degreed tend to pass along credit for their work because of managers delegating tasks. That's the shaft non-degreed individuals get, but sometimes they are ten times as valuable as a degreed individual. You're stupid to ignore them, especially the skilled ones.
 
2013-02-15 01:46:23 PM
A few years ago, I consulted for a large-ish company that was having problems recruiting and retaining appropriate candidates for highly-skilled, technical positions. I spent time looking at how involved Human Resources was with their hiring process.

Their HR department, in addition to screening via resume, was given its own telephone and in-person interview with the candidate. They would ask soft and squishy fit questions like "Tell me about a time you had a conflict with a co-worker" or "What's the last book you read and what did it mean to you?" or "What does our corporate value statement mean to you?"

 Candidates who did not pass these interviews could not continue in the selection process

We ended up removing Human Resources from most of the hiring process. Their streamlined HR department handled basic background checks, employment history, and reference checks, along with the usual vetting of employment advertisement/postings to make sure that the company didn't run afoul of any legal issues in recruitment and selection.

HR no longer had anything to do with the actual interview process. Their general counsel recommended that an HR rep be present at the interview, but HR was no longer allowed to actively participate in the interview itself.

HR complained mightily about being marginalized, but over three years on the company has improved its one year and three year retention rates significantly. It turns out that departments were better able to figure out both who would be a better fit and who had either the appropriate skill set or best potential to acquire the necessary skills on the job.

Human resources is very good at some very rudimentary things during the hiring process, but for this particular client I found that minimizing HR's role in hiring process led to better results.

/Got a fat bonus for all the money I saved them
//HR departments are the first thing I look at when a client tells me they're having issues with employee retention
///Going to need you to come in on Saturday
 
2013-02-15 01:49:02 PM
Dated someone I worked with, once. A year after we broke up, she left, then immediately sued me and my company for harassment, hostile workplace, etc., with the aid of a family friend who just happened to be a shyster & was willing to work for half of whatever settlement they could get from our insurance company.

Complete BS, her word against mine & everyone else in the company, but an insurer will pay first & investigate later, and lawyers know it.

So yeah, never again, under any circumstance.
 
2013-02-15 01:51:31 PM

special20: vento: Question for the HR people in this thread:

So you were .. the ONLY applicant? Or do you believe that how you feel is way more important than what some busy HR drone has going on? Don't you realize that the process you (and your "friends") just experienced is geared toward people who are employed? Nobody like desperate. Sell it somewhere else.


No, not the only applicant.  Contacting a potential employer twice in almost three weeks after an interview is desperate?  If so, it just goes to prove how you have no concept of reality and the needs of others.  And my personal experiences are from the 90s.  I've been very well employed at the same place for quite a while.  The only recent knowledge I have is from friends who are currently interviewing.

Point blank, applicants should be given the same courtesy as clients rather than being viewed as a pain.  If I ignore client requests for information - even the simple requests and the questions that I may think are stupid - for more than a day or two, guess what that client will eventually do?
 
2013-02-15 01:55:39 PM

vento: Point blank, applicants should be given the same courtesy as clients rather than being viewed as a pain.  If I ignore client requests for information - even the simple requests and the questions that I may think are stupid - for more than a day or two, guess what that client will eventually do?


Fix the cable?
 
2013-02-15 01:56:46 PM
Mr_Fabulous: It took all the discipline I could muster to keep from answering "Pimp Kingpin" or "Evil Genius". Because, without doubt, that's what my mutherfarking business card would have said. And it would have been awesome.

I had the same thing happen.  I went with "special projects".  Because some stuff is special, and some stuff is "special".
 
2013-02-15 01:57:00 PM

ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"


Congratulations! You're now farkied in a lovely shade of pink as *fleshy impact noise*
 
2013-02-15 01:59:07 PM

Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do


*schedules Mugato for mandatory sensitivity seminar*
 
2013-02-15 01:59:35 PM
vento:(intentional caps lock)  WHY IS IT SO FRIGGIN' DIFFICULT FOR HR TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?  Even if it's just to say, "Hey, we don't have any information yet.  Just hold tight."  The one thing HR-folk need to realize is that you make your company look like shiat by not communicating.  You interviewed me, and if I said that communication wasn't a strong point, would you hire me?  Yet, from my experience on both sides (employed and trying to gain employment), anyone in the HR department sucks at getting back to you in any useable amount of time.

You're making the mistake that the people in HR give a shiat about you.  Their goal is to fill the position with the best candidate, not make friends.

Don't get me wrong, I agree with you.  When I interview people (I'm not in HR, I don't use HR to hire people) I always make sure to tell them what day I will be making the decision and when they will hear back from me by and I do just that.  Granted, I tell everyone I'll make the decision Friday and really I make the decision Wednesday, in case my top choice turns me down.  But that way no one is left hanging.
 
2013-02-15 02:00:23 PM

dopekitty74: ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"

Congratulations! You're now farkied in a lovely shade of pink as *fleshy impact noise*


I'm hoping for pictures of Carol.
 
2013-02-15 02:00:44 PM
Was smitten with a co-worker first time I saw her. Super hot. As I got to know her she was nice and smart too. I was married at the time, she was engaged. I later divorced and she broke up with her fiance. We've been together for 11 years, married for 3. Though she left the company a few years ago.

The only awkward thing was listening to my friends walk back the "Wow, she's hot and I want to bang her" comments when they found out we were dating.
 
2013-02-15 02:01:43 PM
My CSB:

A few years ago I was a reservist and knew that in about 6 months I was to begin pre-deployment training for a tour in Afghanistan.  Company I worked for was all supportive and stuff but they wouldn't (couldn't) fire me.
You see, I really wanted to get fired so I could draw unemployment for a while and relax before embarking on my year of living dangerously.

I tried everything "legal" I could think of to get fired.  Nothing worked.  Finally I figured I would try sexual harassment.

Bad news: still didn't get fired.
Good news:  scored with 3 different women in the finance dep't

</ end CSB>

/ didn't go back there when I returned home
 
2013-02-15 02:01:52 PM
CSB...

I got my current position because the guy who held the job before me couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Before he got the position, he was nailing a lot of the hot chicks at our offices. Which was fine, when they were co-workers on equal footing. When he got promoted to the corporate office, the boss made him sign a non-fraternization agrteement (stating that he would not fraternize with female staffers). He continued dating them anyway. When the CEO found out that her assistant was not only dating a female staffer, but that he was aware that she was an illegal alien, who used someone else's ID to get the job, she fired him. Since I've never dipped my pen in the company inkwell, Kim didn't feel the need to make me sign a non-fraternization agreement. The company was sold a few years ago, and Kim isn't even here anymore. I guess that means I'm free to bang the hottie in our Legal Department, right?
 
2013-02-15 02:03:16 PM

pdieten: If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way. That way you'll get past the screening interview and get to talk to the hiring manager.


The problem too often is that HR doesn't understand what they should be looking for.  My track record at getting past HR departments:  0%.  My track record at being hired when I didn't have to deal with HR:  Only once was I not hired and in that case I have a strong suspicion nobody was hired.

A 150 comments and nobody noticed this one:

A survey byCareer Builder found that 30per cent of colleagues who dated ended their relationship with a trip down the wedding aisle.

The relationship *ENDED* with marriage?  That reporter sure has a negative view of marriage!
 
2013-02-15 02:03:35 PM
I get hit on constantly at work, to the points where I just ignore some girls now.
 
2013-02-15 02:04:10 PM

Loren: The relationship *ENDED* with marriage?  That reporter sure has a negative view of marriage!


How do I know you've never been married?
 
2013-02-15 02:06:50 PM

Loren: A 150 comments and nobody noticed this one:

A survey byCareer Builder found that 30per cent of colleagues who dated ended their relationship with a trip down the wedding aisle.

The relationship *ENDED* with marriage?  That reporter sure has a negative view of marriage!


Didn't read the whole thread, did ya? It IS mentioned upthread.
 
2013-02-15 02:07:45 PM

kmac: My CSB:

A few years ago I was a reservist and knew that in about 6 months I was to begin pre-deployment training for a tour in Afghanistan.  Company I worked for was all supportive and stuff but they wouldn't (couldn't) fire me.
You see, I really wanted to get fired so I could draw unemployment for a while and relax before embarking on my year of living dangerously.

I tried everything "legal" I could think of to get fired.  Nothing worked.  Finally I figured I would try sexual harassment.

Bad news: still didn't get fired.
Good news:  scored with 3 different women in the finance dep't

</ end CSB>

/ didn't go back there when I returned home


If you are fired, your former employer could take steps to deny you unemployment. I don't think you thought your cunning plan through.


/glad it worked out for you
 
2013-02-15 02:11:09 PM
All a chef needs to know is how to give a good foot massage.
 
2013-02-15 02:13:51 PM
our HR gal read 50 shades of crap and started asking me questions
I enjoy after work activities so I answered them
the day came when she was at the house for a scene
she was scared of my dog-bad sign
then told me she had herpes
then found out her bra was full of fried eggs
then the body hair
scared of electricity, scared of sensation play,
in love with spanking so I had to be close up
I had to throw away some rope and try to scrape my mind clean afterwards
Still friendly, but avoided having another scene with her until she got a boyfriend
oh thank the gods
 
2013-02-15 02:16:12 PM

special20: Molavian: I'm not trolling.  I despise HR drones.  I especially love it when they butt their noses into IT interviewing.  You can't imagine the retards they want to hire based on "corporate values" and the like.  How about you start worrying about "people who can actually do the f*cking job", instead?

It's funny how the IT guys are always so butthurt about everyone else.


They tend  to have inflated opinions of their competence and excessive expectations of everyone, including themselves.  Also, binary thinking.
 
2013-02-15 02:16:16 PM

kmac: My CSB:

A few years ago I was a reservist and knew that in about 6 months I was to begin pre-deployment training for a tour in Afghanistan.  Company I worked for was all supportive and stuff but they wouldn't (couldn't) fire me.
You see, I really wanted to get fired so I could draw unemployment for a while and relax before embarking on my year of living dangerously.

I tried everything "legal" I could think of to get fired.  Nothing worked.  Finally I figured I would try sexual harassment.

Bad news: still didn't get fired.
Good news:  scored with 3 different women in the finance dep't

</ end CSB>

/ didn't go back there when I returned home


You were a reservist preparing for active deployment, no way you were going to get fired.  Reservist gets fired and mentions it's because of his duties and the Feds would be on that company like white on rice.  Even if not true that company would spend tons in legal and HR getting shiat done.

Try it during peace time and they'd be a lot more inclined to fire you.
 
2013-02-15 02:18:53 PM

MyToeHurts: The best thing about office romances is having sex at work.
Its best when she or he, is into risky sex. Like having sex on the conference table in the execs boardroom. Or behind the server racks.


That's not beer spilled on those servers...
 
2013-02-15 02:19:00 PM
My office has about 120 employees, is like 70 - 80% women, and of the 30% of guys, maybe 10% of us are heterosexual. The president is an older woman, and most of the VPs as well, so they like hiring women and all that jazz. Hell we have a breastfeeding room on one of our floors.

Few of the younger women are married, but most of them have boyfriends or girlfriends.
 
2013-02-15 02:19:17 PM

Mr_Fabulous: Me: Hi. I need to know my actual job title. It's for my business card.

HR: OK, let me look that up. (long pause) Huh. Let me get back to you.

(20 minutes later, the junior assistant to the HR rep calls me)

Me: Hi. Is this about my job title?

HR asst: Yes! How did you know?!

Me: Lucky guess. So...?

HR asst: So...?

Me: Wait, are you asking ME what my job title is?

HR asst.: Uh-huh.

In a flash, I could see what had happened. I asked the rep, and she didn't know. So she delegated the task of finding out to her underling... who did the obvious and logic thing. She called me to ask me.

It took all the discipline I could muster to keep from answering "Pimp Kingpin" or "Evil Genius". Because, without doubt, that's what my mutherfarking business card would have said. And it would have been awesome.


"Vice President of Nothing Much" would have been awesome and appropriate.
 
2013-02-15 02:22:08 PM
I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.
 
2013-02-15 02:25:27 PM
I used to work for an IT consulting company.  Now I work IT for a PR company.  Oh the difference in scenery.
 
2013-02-15 02:26:18 PM

The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.


My wife works for her dad, and with my sister.   There is absolutely nothing to worry about.
 
2013-02-15 02:27:44 PM
I used to work at a place where HR constantly warned against inter-office romances when the biggest romances were going on in HR!  The HR Manager was a single guy in his 50's and began getting pursued by an average looking HR admin, the manager began paying her attention when she decided she liked this younger guy who was just hired in another area.  The younger guy does not pay her attention, she decides it's because her manager is her boyfriend and she files a harrassment suit which wound up with the Manager getting fired and her getting a promotion.  Since she is now single and in a power of position she begins actively pursuing the new guy who does not really like her, the guy does not return her affections and she begins finding all sorts of problems in his department and making life hell for him.  He files a complaint and they boot her up to a higher position at the corporate division.

Moral of the story?  While at work, keep it in your pants guys because you can't win!
 
2013-02-15 02:28:36 PM

BarkingUnicorn: Mr_Fabulous: Me: Hi. I need to know my actual job title. It's for my business card.

HR: OK, let me look that up. (long pause) Huh. Let me get back to you.

(20 minutes later, the junior assistant to the HR rep calls me)

Me: Hi. Is this about my job title?

HR asst: Yes! How did you know?!

Me: Lucky guess. So...?

HR asst: So...?

Me: Wait, are you asking ME what my job title is?

HR asst.: Uh-huh.

In a flash, I could see what had happened. I asked the rep, and she didn't know. So she delegated the task of finding out to her underling... who did the obvious and logic thing. She called me to ask me.

It took all the discipline I could muster to keep from answering "Pimp Kingpin" or "Evil Genius". Because, without doubt, that's what my mutherfarking business card would have said. And it would have been awesome.

"Vice President of Nothing Much" would have been awesome and appropriate.


"Not Sure"
 
2013-02-15 02:30:01 PM
There is one guy, he is always offering to help me with anything, including carrying empty boxes. I assure him that I am perfectly capable of handling empty boxes but thank you anyway. And I sometimes catch him staring at me from a distance. Gosh I hope he's close to retirement.
 
2013-02-15 02:30:10 PM

Shocktopus: WhippingBoy: Forbidden Doughnut: "What can you contribute to a culture of diversity and tolerance?"

That would have been it for me. I would have deliberately said the most politically incorrect thing I could think of, got up, and left.

And the HR filter would have proven it's worth right there. If you tantrum like a child when someone asks an annoying question in an interview where you are presumably on your best behavior, how are you going to act day-to-day on the job?

Better answer: "Well, it sounds corny, but what I can contribute is in fact the tolerance you're asking about. I don't care who someone is or what they look like. If they know their stuff and can do their job, that's the person I want to work with. Anything else doesn't really matter to me."


But that answer indicates you're willing to tolerate intolerance.  So bye.
 
2013-02-15 02:34:00 PM
The only people more useless than HR departments are the self important IT monkeys.
 
2013-02-15 02:35:50 PM

Loren: pdieten: If you can't get past the HR screening interview, maybe you should try not rubbing everyone the wrong way. That way you'll get past the screening interview and get to talk to the hiring manager.

The problem too often is that HR doesn't understand what they should be looking for.  My track record at getting past HR departments:  0%.  My track record at being hired when I didn't have to deal with HR:  Only once was I not hired and in that case I have a strong suspicion nobody was hired.


Companies use HR to screen applicants when they have no idea whom to hire and don't want to sift through 150 resumes from morons. If you're talking with the hiring manager directly you're already a step ahead of the game. It's much easier to get hired once you're talking to the guy who makes the decisions. This is why people in the employment business recommend you have a network of contacts who are or have relationships with hiring managers. It makes the job search easier. But a lot of people don't have that, and of course it's certainly possible to get hired while going through HR - it's just an extra step and it takes longer. But if you don't have contacts and you can't make a good impression with HR people, you'd better figure out how to do one or the other if you ever want to find a job.
 
2013-02-15 02:37:46 PM

The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.


What branch of the Canadian government do you work for?
 
2013-02-15 02:39:47 PM

Girion47: The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.

My wife works for her dad, and with my sister.   There is absolutely nothing to worry about.


Dude, you live in Kentucky.
 
2013-02-15 02:39:51 PM
I've dated two co-workers (an officer and a patrol supervisor) and both break ups didn't impact our work at all. I mean I can be a dick but not enough to not send someone backup because they didn't reply to my text fast enough. That's just idiotic.

Also there's nothing forbidding relationships either.

I can say I have seen some spectacular relationship implosions in my time there though. I had no idea one could obtain a restraining order against someone you work with. Oh thee stories I have....
 
2013-02-15 02:42:04 PM

lc6529: Moral of the story? While at work, keep it in your pants guys because you can't win!


I am willing to bet guys "win" these situations a lot more often then they don't.  It's just more spectacular when they get hosed like that
 
2013-02-15 02:45:51 PM

Molavian: Girion47: The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.

My wife works for her dad, and with my sister.   There is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Dude, you live in Kentucky.


In Louisville, we don't count, and the rest of the state doesn't count us.
 
2013-02-15 02:50:00 PM

WhippingBoy: The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.

What branch of the Canadian government do you work for?


Not quite, public school system but very far south from Canada. Good guess though!
 
2013-02-15 02:51:36 PM

gerbilpox: Hebalo: Me: (in my head) Well, asshole, you made me answer your stupid question, then called me on the answer. I'm definitely rethinking even being here.

I really wished I had more guts, and went in to tank mode. When they ask a question I don't like, I look at buddy and snap "Terrible question". (point at other person) "Your turn, GO!"

Same experience here. I'm too broke (and wimpy) to do it, but I am so tempted to go to an interview fully intending to blow it, just so I get the chance to tell them off about the BS (and there almost always is some).


This one time I interviewed for a job that I wasn't even sure I wanted. (temp job, packing/shipping gift items with ppl's pictures on them for a large multinational department store chain i won't name, but "people" go there) went in jeans, combats, had a mohawk at the time. Answered their questions non-chalantly and got the job. About a month later (it was just a two week position) went in similar fashion to an interview at a call center, also got the job, and stayed there til the place shut down and got a nice severance pay. The key is not to seem like you "NEED" the job.
 
2013-02-15 02:52:28 PM
Why bother having sex with coworkers when you can duck the afternoon staff meeting and go and bone the boss' wife?
 
2013-02-15 03:00:12 PM
CSS:

One workplace romance experience taught me to beware of other people's expectations you may not anticipate. I knew a woman who was visibly floored when I told her off the cuff that I was dating one of her coworkers (they worked in a different department from me).  She also started grilling me somewhat about us.  Odd reaction that tripped my "watch your back" alarm.  I learned from a friend that she had been greatly hoping that said coworker would sweep her off her feet and out of a troubled relationship she had with her much older deadbeat boyfriend who she had been living with.  She never told the coworker she was interested then, and that she had even spurned an offer for a date from him over a year earlier when she first started working there.  And here I came along and inadvertently shattered her hopes.  And yeah, after I told her, and while we were out for drinks one evening, she would try to sit between me and my date and was unusually interested in anything he had to say.  He handled her politely, but he was quite over her and did not care at all for her attention.  Despite her shady behavior I ended up feeling pretty bad for her.  It was like watching a neglected dog try to hump his leg.

/my date at one point without a word abruptly got up to sit on the opposite side of me to get away from her
//we both quit the company soon after and never invited her out again
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-02-15 03:04:36 PM
The_EliteOne

In the USA breastfeeding rooms are mandated by federal law for large companies.
 
2013-02-15 03:10:24 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.

Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.


If you have an issue spending "every waking moment with your SO" I would say no, you don't really love them. This doesn't mean you can't have and do your own things, but the people that shudder at the thought of having to work with their spouse, probably don't have all that great of marriage. This is not in response to the fact that your SO could be potentially not suited for the job.
 
2013-02-15 03:11:35 PM

Prey4reign: Why bother having sex with coworkers when you can duck the afternoon staff meeting and go and bone the boss' wife?


This is one of a type of comment that always strikes me as being from some imaginary world created by watching a lot of old TV shows.

Premises:
1) There are "afternoon staff meetings" you have to go to.
2) The Boss (a man) has a hot wife who has nothing to do during the day - no job of her own, no kids.
 
2013-02-15 03:20:57 PM

Car_Ramrod: I actually feel bad for HR. There's so much petty office politics bullshiat that goes on, they must get so many stupid, worthless complaints all the time. I don't think I'd be able to go more than a week without cracking and just yelling, "Who cares?! Grow the fark up and get back to work. Jesus christ, no one cares."


You'd make a good union commitee person.
 
2013-02-15 03:21:12 PM

farkerofDOOM: Molavian: Mugato: Fark HR. Collection of useless coonts. There's nothing useful or good in what they do. Even the name, "Human Resources". It sounds like a designation the alien lizard people would give themselves as they invade.

You're at work in some cases more than half your waking day. Of course there are going to be hookups. If the hookup or the ensuing breakup affects their job then go after their job performance but stay out of people's personal life HR, and go back to asking applicants if they could be a tree, what type would it be and why.

I'd also like to add a hearty "F*CK HR" to your sentiment.  They need to go back to being personnel administrators, and just tell me what my benefits are when I call them up.  Vapid cows, the lot of them.

2/10

/Not a vapid cow


I have mixed feelings on the subject.  Every job except this current one, HR has been a swamp of idiots who think they are the reason the company exists.  Not just "the reason the company succeeds," but the reason the entire company exists is show up and jump through their pointless hoops all day long.  And they've been uniformly incompetent the entire time.  They make vapid cows look like Lassie.

This latest job is the exception that proves the rule.  It's a company of about 50-ish people.  "HR" here is one person.  A middle-aged woman, married with kids, I think her husband works in the same building.  She. Runs. Everything.  She is Human Resources... and the facilities security officer, and the contracting manager, and the business manager.  She stocks the break room and answers the phones... and has one of the highest clearances in the company, because everything eventually goes across her desk, and she's damned good at it.
 
2013-02-15 03:25:23 PM

the money is in the banana stand: Sin_City_Superhero: the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.

Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.

If you have an issue spending "every waking moment with your SO" I would say no, you don't really love them. This doesn't mean you can't have and do your own things, but the people that shudder at the thought of having to work with their spouse, probably don't have all that great of marriage. This is not in response to the fact that your SO could be potentially not suited for the job.


Oh Bullshiat. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're one person now. If you do EVERYTHING together, you have nothing to talk about, share, tell the other person. Everyone needs some time to themselves. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my wife, but I love her like crazy. Don't be a douche.
 
2013-02-15 03:34:12 PM
I just masturbate at work.
 
2013-02-15 03:34:23 PM

Hebalo: the money is in the banana stand: Sin_City_Superhero: the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.

Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.

If you have an issue spending "every waking moment with your SO" I would say no, you don't really love them. This doesn't mean you can't have and do your own things, but the people that shudder at the thought of having to work with their spouse, probably don't have all that great of marriage. This is not in response to the fact that your SO could be potentially not suited for the job.

Oh Bullshiat. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're one person now. If you do EVERYTHING together, you have nothing to talk about, share, tell the other person. Everyone needs some time to themselves. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my wife, but I love her like crazy. Don't be a douche.


This... I love my hubby like mad and am happy to spend hours in his company, but sometimes you just need "me" time, and my hubby is the hovery type. He's not controlling, just genuinely enjoys my company so much that he follows me around the house while i do mundane things, and just generally gets in the way sometimes. That being said, we've been apart for 8 months due to extenuating circumstances, and i would vastly welcome his hovering right now.
 
2013-02-15 03:39:33 PM

Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat. We were off/on for a few months, but we worked in completely different departments at the opposite ends of the office, so minimal awkwardness around other people as we didn't tell anyone. Still, it was too much for me, so I ended it the easiest way possible, by moving back to Chicago.

Good times.


How does one "accidentally " sleep with someone?
 
2013-02-15 03:44:11 PM

over_and_done: This latest job is the exception that proves the rule. It's a company of about 50-ish people. "HR" here is one person. A middle-aged woman, married with kids, I think her husband works in the same building. She. Runs. Everything. She is Human Resources... and the facilities security officer, and the contracting manager, and the business manager. She stocks the break room and answers the phones... and has one of the highest clearances in the company, because everything eventually goes across her desk, and she's damned good at it.


So what's the plan if she has a heart attack?
 
2013-02-15 03:46:18 PM
One of the toughest decisions I ever had to make was quitting a job I actually enjoyed (for the most part), and was pretty good at, because the married devotchka I worked with was driving me crazy with lust and I knew that my self-control would crack sooner or later. She would've never gone for me but I didn't want to make things awkward since we shared a desk and therefore had to work closely together. I also respected her very much professionally because she was awesome at her job. However, the lady had a habit of wearing short mini-skirts and tops with plunging necklines, too. Every guy in that office wanted to bone her. The upside is that we're still friends 20 years later. Heck, even her husband and I get along.

Not-so-cool story bro: Worst hiring experience of my life was when I answered an ad that requested I indicate a desired salary. So I gave them a range around that of the job I'd just left. They call me in for an interview. All goes well. I ace their test. They call me back for a second interview with the whole team I'd be joining. That also goes nicely. HR Department does credit and criminal background checks. No problems there. Time passes. Then the HR Department sends me an offer letter that states I'd be starting at a salary $6,000 less than the lower end of the range I asked for, and goes on to add insult to injury by demanding that I pee into their cup and pass a drug test as a condition of employment. For a position that didn't even handle classified or sensitive information. Um, I told them no thanks, and asked why they were even wasting my time if they weren't serious. I had many years of job experience at that point, and lots of good professional references, so the whole thing really baffled me. I mean, why did they even have me go through their whole hiring process in the first place if the salary I asked for upfront was more than they were willing to pay? Weird with a beard, man.

\Not a fan of HR departments in general.
 
2013-02-15 03:54:23 PM
not so CSB...

I've dated at work, and it has NEVER worked out.

The last time I dated at work:

1.  I decided to move halfway across the country without her (she had roots where we were, I didn't).
2.  She was NOT happy (fair enough).
3.  She started calling me before I moved, telling me someone was taking window panes out of her windows and reaching in with coat hangers to unlock the door (window panes weren't tampered with).
4.  Called again telling me someone was using a coat hanger through the floor to unlock the door (no holes in the floor).
5.  I move out of state at this point; she pees hot on a drug test and quits her job before she's busted (meth).
6.  I get a phone call from a U.S. Marshal who's looking for her; turns out:
7.  She meets/dates/marries a felon on parole (they met when she picked him up hitch hiking).
8.  He violates parole and starts selling/distributing meth; she helps him.
9.  She pulls her son out of school; he ends up being MIA for a month, as she and her new husband are buying meth in South Carolina and driving to Florida to sell it.
10.  They get busted, kid gets taken by the state.
11.  She agrees to testify against her husband in exchange for having her charges wiped.
12.  He goes back to prison, she gets her kid back, moves back home, and has the marriage annulled.
13.  She is now a lesbian.

That happened in 2005, and I haven't dated at work since.
 
2013-02-15 03:59:57 PM

dopekitty74: ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"

Congratulations! You're now farkied in a lovely shade of pink as *fleshy impact noise*


Ummm.... 'thanks'. (I think?)   :)


One of stranger claims to fame, certainly.
 
2013-02-15 04:01:31 PM

bigbabysurfer: That happened in 2005, and I haven't dated at work since.


Well shiat, you should.  For our benefit if not for yours.
 
2013-02-15 04:06:03 PM

BarkingUnicorn: over_and_done: This latest job is the exception that proves the rule. It's a company of about 50-ish people. "HR" here is one person. A middle-aged woman, married with kids, I think her husband works in the same building. She. Runs. Everything. She is Human Resources... and the facilities security officer, and the contracting manager, and the business manager. She stocks the break room and answers the phones... and has one of the highest clearances in the company, because everything eventually goes across her desk, and she's damned good at it.

So what's the plan if she has a heart attack?


This place will implode so fast and so loudly, Faux News will report that rabid Mooslem turrurrists done figgured out how to create one o' them thar black holes in the middle of an office building.

Eventually they'll get around to actually investigating the crater, at which point they'll (very quietly) report on the dazed employees wandering around the parking lot, hopelessly confused about how to file their health insurance and security/travel paperwork.

Even if the company continues to try and function, no new customers will happen, because the rest of us can't figure out how to answer the goddamn phones to save our souls.
 
2013-02-15 04:07:11 PM

sedric: dopekitty74: ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"

Congratulations! You're now farkied in a lovely shade of pink as *fleshy impact noise*

I'm hoping for pictures of Carol.


Guess you'd have to imagine it.
Now, considering my post was in response to a concern about someone NOT wanting to accidentaly bone a bovine-like co-worker*, lack of pics could be considered a mercy.

/* my official term for this is 'polyester-clad, cube-shaped women' or 'waddle-talkers'
 
2013-02-15 04:08:16 PM

Car_Ramrod: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Alcohol. There was lots of alcohol. I don't actually remember much other than waking up in her bed. I'm not saying it wasn't a pleasant surprise, she's not an unattractive lady, I just had no such plans when I was sober.


I was pretty sure the "accidental" part meant it was another dude.
 
2013-02-15 04:12:25 PM

bigbabysurfer: not so CSB...

I've dated at work, and it has NEVER worked out.

The last time I dated at work:

1.  I decided to move halfway across the country without her (she had roots where we were, I didn't).
2.  She was NOT happy (fair enough).
3.  She started calling me before I moved, telling me someone was taking window panes out of her windows and reaching in with coat hangers to unlock the door (window panes weren't tampered with).
4.  Called again telling me someone was using a coat hanger through the floor to unlock the door (no holes in the floor).
5.  I move out of state at this point; she pees hot on a drug test and quits her job before she's busted (meth).
6.  I get a phone call from a U.S. Marshal who's looking for her; turns out:
7.  She meets/dates/marries a felon on parole (they met when she picked him up hitch hiking).
8.  He violates parole and starts selling/distributing meth; she helps him.
9.  She pulls her son out of school; he ends up being MIA for a month, as she and her new husband are buying meth in South Carolina and driving to Florida to sell it.
10.  They get busted, kid gets taken by the state.
11.  She agrees to testify against her husband in exchange for having her charges wiped.
12.  He goes back to prison, she gets her kid back, moves back home, and has the marriage annulled.
13.  She is now a lesbian.

That happened in 2005, and I haven't dated at work since.



That's not a reason to not date at work.  That's another example of why "You never stick your dick in crazy."
 
2013-02-15 04:17:13 PM

farkerofDOOM: BeesNuts: pdieten: It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

You call em damaged.  I call em engineers.  :p

Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't.  Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should.  Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not?  I don't have to work with you.

I'm sure you're a nice person and not *that HR drone*, but I've watched too many brilliant minds go by the wayside because they "weren't compatible with our culture here" to really trust a third party to vet someone's personality.  And on that note, no corporate culture is that unique either.  And you're not a psychoanalyst.  You are HR.  You are there to manage people.  As if they were a resource to be burned.  Like gasoline.  Or paraffin.

Out of curiosity, do you have a Headcount Report you read/generate/send for review periodically?

Again, a lot of the final decisions come down from above the entity level.  Also, HR is moving from "managing people" to consulting.  HR should be there for policy and procedure clarifications (yes, Jane, you are a nurse and thus considered essential personnel, so you have to make every possible effort to come in during a blizzard), advising on tricky employee relations, union issues, and benefits/leaves/compensation questions.


Right, your main function is to tell people they can't go on vacation.  Why are you so jealous of how much money we are making??  You are not a consultant, that is insane.  You are a cost center, the rest of us are making money for the company.
 
2013-02-15 04:20:21 PM

Hebalo: the money is in the banana stand: Sin_City_Superhero: the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.

Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.

If you have an issue spending "every waking moment with your SO" I would say no, you don't really love them. This doesn't mean you can't have and do your own things, but the people that shudder at the thought of having to work with their spouse, probably don't have all that great of marriage. This is not in response to the fact that your SO could be potentially not suited for the job.

Oh Bullshiat. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're one person now. If you do EVERYTHING together, you have nothing to talk about, share, tell the other person. Everyone needs some time to themselves. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my wife, but I love her like crazy. Don't be a douche.


Again, I said you can have your own things and do them. To say that you can't and don't want to work with your spouse or the idea repulses you signifies that there is something wrong in paradise.
 
2013-02-15 04:24:12 PM
About 10 years ago l hooked up with a co worker.Been together ever since and just last month gave her a ring.Weddings next year.Yeah 10 years is a long courtship but hey wanted to make sure we really liked each other.
 
2013-02-15 04:27:11 PM

tripleseven: About 10 years ago l hooked up with a co worker.Been together ever since and just last month gave her a ring.Weddings next year.Yeah 10 years is a long courtship but hey wanted to make sure we really liked each other.


It doesn't work that way, but good luck to you.
 
2013-02-15 04:28:25 PM

the money is in the banana stand: Hebalo: the money is in the banana stand: Sin_City_Superhero: the money is in the banana stand: It always amazes me how people have such a strong reaction to this like "Wow I could never work with my SO!." Which is basically saying either she is a biatch, or you are an overbearing controlling douche.

Or perhaps, spending every waking moment with your significant other doesn't appeal to some folks. Doesn't mean you don't love them.

Or possibly, the "significant other" in question is not at all suited to the job. If my girl is 5' 4", 110 lbs, and I work on an oil rig, perhaps I'd prefer a co-worker who could perform the duties of the job.

If you have an issue spending "every waking moment with your SO" I would say no, you don't really love them. This doesn't mean you can't have and do your own things, but the people that shudder at the thought of having to work with their spouse, probably don't have all that great of marriage. This is not in response to the fact that your SO could be potentially not suited for the job.

Oh Bullshiat. Just because you're married doesn't mean you're one person now. If you do EVERYTHING together, you have nothing to talk about, share, tell the other person. Everyone needs some time to themselves. I don't want to spend every waking moment with my wife, but I love her like crazy. Don't be a douche.

Again, I said you can have your own things and do them. To say that you can't and don't want to work with your spouse or the idea repulses you signifies that there is something wrong in paradise.


No. It doesn't. Your saying it does is hardly convincing proof. Work has different rhythms, pacing, and decisions made at non-emotional levels. It requires different skill sets and actions than home life.

To make a blanket statement like "thinking working with your wife would not be optimal" hardly equates to "there's a problem with your marriage."

It's straight up bullshiat, and not correct. To claim that it's true implies that every relationship is the same, that there's no room for individuality or specific circumstances. Finally, it's the sort of blanket statement that inexperienced douchebags make.
 
2013-02-15 04:40:11 PM

Shocktopus: Indeed. The HR interview part of a tech hire isn't about the tech. They don't know and don't care about the arcana of your specialty. That's for the line manager and team members to do. It's for weeding out angry, maladjusted Miltons that can end up poisoning a whole department. Usually metaphorically, but you never know with some of these angry nerds.


Yeah, but as an engineer I don't really need to spend all my time being bubbly with Nina from Corporate Accounts Payable. I need to get along with the other engineers, who probably hate Nina's bubbly farking sing-song voice and her arrangement of corporate-sponsored 'fun' just as much as I do.

pdieten: I don't work in HR. I'm an IT guy who's gone on enough interviews in my life to know that if, as <b>Shocktopus</b> pointed out immediately upthread, if you can't fake being human long enough to survive a screening interview then you seriously need to get over yourself and stop thinking that your mad tech skillz are enough to get you hired anywhere.


I never actually got interviewed by HR for the company I work at now. My interview was basically an hour long conversation with the guy who became my boss and then hanging out with a bunch of programmers for another hour. HR asked me exactly one question and they were confirming that the address he gave them was the correct place to send my offer package.

Sometimes your skills are enough and you don't have to go through some bullshiat game of make believe.
 
2013-02-15 05:02:35 PM

Girion47: Molavian: Girion47: The Book Was Better: I'm in my mid-40's and one of the youngest in my office....and they're all women....hubby has nothing to worry about.

My wife works for her dad, and with my sister.   There is absolutely nothing to worry about.

Dude, you live in Kentucky.

In Louisville, we don't count, and the rest of the state doesn't count us.


True, true.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-02-15 05:10:20 PM
belome: I'm 41 and banging a hot 24 year old redhead from work... oops.

We just went over this in a recent thread. Redheaded men are never "hot."
 
2013-02-15 05:14:57 PM

Hebalo: No. It doesn't. Your saying it does is hardly convincing proof. Work has different rhythms, pacing, and decisions made at non-emotional levels. It requires different skill sets and actions than home life.

To make a blanket statement like "thinking working with your wife would not be optimal" hardly equates to "there's a problem with your marriage."

It's straight up bullshiat, and not correct. To claim that it's true implies that every relationship is the same, that there's no room for individuality or specific circumstances. Finally, it's the sort of blanket statement that inexperienced douchebags make.


You saying it is not correct does not make it incorrect. You just feel like I am attacking the relationship you have, I am not. My comment wasn't geared towards people who cannot work or choose not to work with their spouse because they aren't qualified for the job, but more so people who say they cannot work with their spouses because they have communication issues and know that one or the other will be frustrated and annoyed at the other. This has nothing to do with it being "ideal" or "optimal". Obviously it isn't for factors outside of what I just described. This is the same stereotypical person that would rather hang out with their friends than be with their spouse. I get that you should want to have your own friends and own things, that is important, but wanting to escape and avoid instead of confront the issues is just delaying the inevitable collapse.

I am not arguing that everyone should work together. I am arguing that those that say they can't and don't want to because ultimately they cannot work with their spouses to solve problems and communicate properly, have issues.
 
2013-02-15 05:15:59 PM

noitsnot: Prey4reign: Why bother having sex with coworkers when you can duck the afternoon staff meeting and go and bone the boss' wife?

This is one of a type of comment that always strikes me as being from some imaginary world created by watching a lot of old TV shows.

Premises:
1) There are "afternoon staff meetings" you have to go to.
2) The Boss (a man) has a hot wife who has nothing to do during the day - no job of her own, no kids.


What if he's the boss?
 
2013-02-15 05:21:07 PM

dk47: farkerofDOOM: BeesNuts: pdieten: It's actually sort of important to not bring damaged people who can't get along with anybody into a workplace.

You call em damaged.  I call em engineers.  :p

Just because *you* don't get along with them doesn't mean their peers wouldn't.  Which is why you shouldn't be in the room, and their potential PEERS should.  Because who gives a rat fark whether you like me or not?  I don't have to work with you.

I'm sure you're a nice person and not *that HR drone*, but I've watched too many brilliant minds go by the wayside because they "weren't compatible with our culture here" to really trust a third party to vet someone's personality.  And on that note, no corporate culture is that unique either.  And you're not a psychoanalyst.  You are HR.  You are there to manage people.  As if they were a resource to be burned.  Like gasoline.  Or paraffin.

Out of curiosity, do you have a Headcount Report you read/generate/send for review periodically?

Again, a lot of the final decisions come down from above the entity level.  Also, HR is moving from "managing people" to consulting.  HR should be there for policy and procedure clarifications (yes, Jane, you are a nurse and thus considered essential personnel, so you have to make every possible effort to come in during a blizzard), advising on tricky employee relations, union issues, and benefits/leaves/compensation questions.

Right, your main function is to tell people they can't go on vacation.  Why are you so jealous of how much money we are making??  You are not a consultant, that is insane.  You are a cost center, the rest of us are making money for the company.


That actually isn't my main function, but you sound cute, so I'll let it slide.  I make good money for not having a degree.  Never said I was a consultant... I was mentioning what the HR field across the country is gravitating to, so I apologize if they didn't come across clearly for you.  Nor did I say I was jealous, so you may want to re-read my comments, but thanks for playing, sweetits.

I don't tell people they can't go on vacation, I fix their benefits snafu b/c the insurance companies generally can't do enrollments correctly.  I help people who are going out on leave b/c they don't know what FMLA stands for and can't figure out that it's job protection, not a form of short-term disability.

I'm used to special people like you having a crap-ass attitude b/c someone pissed in your cereal or something.  I just smile, help you read your paystub b/c you can't pull your head out of your ass long enough to do it yourself, and then move on with my day.
 
2013-02-15 05:38:11 PM

the money is in the banana stand: I am not arguing that everyone should work together. I am arguing that those that say they can't and don't want to because ultimately they cannot work with their spouses to solve problems and communicate properly, have issues.


Next time open with that instead of some garbage sweeping generalization.
 
2013-02-15 05:44:20 PM

Hebalo: the money is in the banana stand: I am not arguing that everyone should work together. I am arguing that those that say they can't and don't want to because ultimately they cannot work with their spouses to solve problems and communicate properly, have issues.

Next time open with that instead of some garbage sweeping generalization.


I opened talking about communication in my previous comments and how if you CAN'T work together, you probably won't have a successful relationship. I didn't say if you don't work together. You just took my comment as an attack on your relationship. You commented on someone's reply to my original post which was just an excerpt of what I said. I do agree though I could have been clearer and I apologize for that.
 
2013-02-15 06:16:39 PM

ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"


LOL. Almost as good as the "shockin' 'tards" one-act play.
 
2013-02-15 06:31:30 PM
Roger, this is why I've turned your advances down, time and time again. I'm a manager, you're a filing clerk.  Sure, you're gorgeous and we'd do the most wonderful things together, but we work together and I can  hardly imagine the drama that two biatchy queens post break-up would bring to the office.  So, from now on, let's keep things strictly professional between us.  And blow jobs.  We can still give each other blow jobs.
 
2013-02-15 06:38:11 PM

noitsnot: tripleseven: About 10 years ago l hooked up with a co worker.Been together ever since and just last month gave her a ring.Weddings next year.Yeah 10 years is a long courtship but hey wanted to make sure we really liked each other.

It doesn't work that way, but good luck to you.


Seems to have worked so far...

I suppose there are variables.

1) We didn't work in the same dept.  I was the Dir. of IT, she was in sales.
2) I was only at that same worklpace for 8 months after we started dating.


Oh, and we had no obligation to tell HR since it wasn't a situation where one was a superior...so, we told NOT A FARKING SOUL.  Nobody's business, best not to get wrapped up in the office dramarama.
 
2013-02-15 07:36:44 PM

heili skrimsli: Yeah, but as an engineer I don't really need to spend all my time being bubbly with Nina from Corporate Accounts Payable. I need to get along with the other engineers, who probably hate Nina's bubbly farking sing-song voice and her arrangement of corporate-sponsored 'fun' just as much as I do.


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-15 07:41:38 PM

belome: I'm 41 and banging a hot 24 year old redhead from work... oops.


That's either really awesome or really sad and pathetic.

Depends on whether you're buying your own b.s. or not.
 
2013-02-15 10:06:06 PM
I worked at a place where the HR Director (F) and Facilities Mgr (M) were married. Think he'll ever get fired? F*ck no. Talk about a conflict of interest.
 
2013-02-15 11:01:43 PM

Killer Cars: At first I thought the 30% figure was insanely high, but it might make sense that people over the age of...35 or maybe even just 30+ could sway the number higher. By that age, I'd imagine you're almost entirely over the basic bar/club/nightlife scene and your options for meeting potential partners starts to whittle down a bit.

I had one office romance at my first job out of college and it ended spectacularly poorly (thankfully most of the awkwardness wasn't really played out AT work in front of everyone else, but still...) so I haven't fished off the company pier since.


It doesn't surprise me--you get to know the person as a coworker before you date them.  This would result in a much better chance of picking the right one.

WhippingBoy: Loren: The relationship *ENDED* with marriage?  That reporter sure has a negative view of marriage!

How do I know you've never been married?


Try again.  2 months shy of a quarter century.

Sin_City_Superhero: Didn't read the whole thread, did ya? It IS mentioned upthread.


I must have missed it.

Philimus: Then the HR Department sends me an offer letter that states I'd be starting at a salary $6,000 less than the lower end of the range I asked for, and goes on to add insult to injury by demanding that I pee into their cup and pass a drug test as a condition of employment. For a position that didn't even handle classified or sensitive information.


The pee in a cup bit is understandable.  The one time I was subject to it (already hired, this was random testing) I made a stink about it with HR and found out what was really going on--we had a lot of workers working with some pretty big machinery--fixed mount but it could still be dangerous if you didn't handle it right.  They got a big discount on their workmen's comp for drug testing and due to how state law worked they couldn't test only certain workers.  Thus all of us in the office were subject to random testing also.

The only thing that makes any sense on the $5k bit is that they must have figured you were padding that.
 
2013-02-16 12:32:08 AM

sedric: dopekitty74: ObscureNameHere: farm machine: Car_Ramrod: When I lived in SF, I accidentally slept with a co-worker during a staff retreat.

How does one accidentally sleep with a co-worker?  I have a number of cows where I work and I'd truly like to avoid having that occur.

Good question.

"Hey could go see Carol and get those TPS reports?"
"Sure!"
*walk into office*
"Hi Caro--- whoa! *trip over box, pants fall off, erection ensues, Carol is not wearing panties and is bent over desk*
*fleshy impact noise*
"Aaaah!" *sploorch*
"umm.. so... umm *zip up* do you have any TPS reports?"

Congratulations! You're now farkied in a lovely shade of pink as *fleshy impact noise*

I'm hoping for pictures of Carol

<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQLOCk2eqI-1 KzVPg9FX9EJy8csPKyMiNfzYtnbRXUR1SSQIKJx">
 
2013-02-16 06:52:38 AM

tripleseven: noitsnot: tripleseven: About 10 years ago l hooked up with a co worker.Been together ever since and just last month gave her a ring.Weddings next year.Yeah 10 years is a long courtship but hey wanted to make sure we really liked each other.

It doesn't work that way, but good luck to you.

Seems to have worked so far...

I suppose there are variables.

1) We didn't work in the same dept.  I was the Dir. of IT, she was in sales.
2) I was only at that same worklpace for 8 months after we started dating.


Oh, and we had no obligation to tell HR since it wasn't a situation where one was a superior...so, we told NOT A FARKING SOUL.  Nobody's business, best not to get wrapped up in the office dramarama.


I don't think he was referring to the work thing.

You can date someone for 10 years, 20 years, 50 years. You can live with them; you can have kids with them.

Once the ring is in play and it's official, it's a whole different ball game.
 
2013-02-16 07:50:45 AM

Grandemadaca: heili skrimsli: Yeah, but as an engineer I don't really need to spend all my time being bubbly with Nina from Corporate Accounts Payable. I need to get along with the other engineers, who probably hate Nina's bubbly farking sing-song voice and her arrangement of corporate-sponsored 'fun' just as much as I do.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x196]


There is not one single person I work with who would ever say something like that, and if they did, they would probably get the shiat slapped out of them.

I really like working with people who HR thinks of as deranged social misfits who can't fit in with the corporate community. The division that I'm in even has its own conferences which we do not invite any non-technical people to, and nobody from HR attends. We like it that way. We have technical workshops but no retarded 'team-building' exercises. Team building is what happens naturally by putting a couple thousand geeks in a resort where the alcohol is included in the price of the rooms. It's not what happens when you make a room full of adults draw pictures of who they want to be when they grow up with crayons.

Although I have to hand it to the HR assholes. They figured out how to take all the skill of the average babysitter and turn it into a well paying job. I will continue to respect that as long as they leave me the fark alone.
 
2013-02-16 06:57:09 PM
Maybe I watch too much TV, but I would never sleep with someone from work. I've had the chance and work with very(very, unbelievably) sexy people, but I just can't bring myself to deal with the potential drama involved. So in this case, too much TV is a good thing.
 
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