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(Illinois State Journal-Register)   Fark Ready Headline: Southern Illinois family's syrup making mistaken for meth lab   (sj-r.com) divider line 122
    More: Amusing, Southern Illinois, Union County, Illinois  
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7969 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2013 at 2:34 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-14 11:03:20 AM  
While things have gotten better lately, meth is a big enough problem that this type of thing is normal, especially in the Appalachia-without-the-mountains southern areas.   Southern IL is actually more like Western Kentucky, or Eastern Missouri.  I've been to Anna and it's pretty sad.  I've heard tell it's still a sundown community...

/my hometown paper
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-02-14 12:14:31 PM  
She's extending an open invitation to those locals to come by for pancakes.

Pancakes with cyanide syrup.
 
2013-02-14 01:20:52 PM  
When investigators pointed to buckets near some trees, 49-year-old Benson says she quickly explained the containers were collecting sap for the family's production of syrup.

Ah, the old bucket-by-the-tree method of manufacturing meth.
 
2013-02-14 01:28:13 PM  
I'm just happy this ended without the cops shooting their dogs, tazering the entire family, and confiscating their maple syrup equipment because it was "dual use" and they needed further lab tests to prove it wasn't used to make meth (and just so happens to get auctioned off to make money for the PD rather than being returned).
 
2013-02-14 02:35:21 PM  
How farking stupid do you have to be to confuse the two?
 
2013-02-14 02:35:44 PM  
What a Sap!
 
2013-02-14 02:36:13 PM  
Well, that sounds like a sticky situation.

/obligatory
 
2013-02-14 02:36:39 PM  
They didn't shoot the familys dog? Must have been white people.
 
2013-02-14 02:38:56 PM  

Clock Spider Jerusalem: How farking stupid do you have to be to confuse the two?


A shack in the woods that produces a lot of steam and smoke? I guess it's a stretch, but uptight busybodies might make a faulty connection...
 
2013-02-14 02:39:29 PM  
The law enforcers quickly moved on, taking with them some homemade syrup the Bensons gave them.

What kind of cops do you have up there in Illinois?  Shouldn't they have held the family at gunpoint?  Or at least shot the family dog.
 
2013-02-14 02:39:36 PM  
Darn, I submitted this!  Will the mods ever relent and approve one of my links?
 
2013-02-14 02:39:55 PM  
FTFA sweet after investigators swarmed their property

Five minutes of an investigators time would of verified the report was valid or not.  Sending an entire fark'n squad was completely unnecessary.

/at least no one shot the family's dog this time around
 
2013-02-14 02:40:14 PM  
i1151.photobucket.com
I couldn't find any maple trees so I tapped walnut ones instead. Is that okay, Mr. White?

That would explain all the vomiting at the pancake house this morning.
 
2013-02-14 02:41:10 PM  

St_Francis_P: When investigators pointed to buckets near some trees, 49-year-old Benson says she quickly explained the containers were collecting sap for the family's production of syrup.

Ah, the old bucket-by-the-tree method of manufacturing meth.


I'm pretty sure that I'd be too busy laughing at the investigators to explain the ins and outs of maple syrup production.  Also, the investigators would NOT be leaving with free syrup.

\makes homemade maple syrup
\\happy that my neighbors aren't retarded Chicken Littles
 
2013-02-14 02:41:33 PM  
If you like molecules, stay in Cook Co.  Juries in the rural areas are a prosecutor's dream.
 
2013-02-14 02:42:12 PM  
SAPPY TAG
 
2013-02-14 02:42:45 PM  
www.mountvernonnews.com
What a meth lab may look like.
 
2013-02-14 02:43:04 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-14 02:43:09 PM  
Well, that's one DEA team leader who feels like a Smuck
www.5minutesformom.com
/er
 
2013-02-14 02:45:01 PM  

Random Anonymous Blackmail: They didn't shoot the familys dog? Must have been white people.


In Anna, they are all white people.
 
2013-02-14 02:45:33 PM  

TelemonianAjax: While things have gotten better lately, meth is a big enough problem that this type of thing is normal, especially in the Appalachia-without-the-mountains southern areas.   Southern IL is actually more like Western Kentucky, or Eastern Missouri.  I've been to Anna and it's pretty sad.  I've heard tell it's still a sundown community...

/my hometown paper


I went to SIU and occasionally some friends and I would hang out in Cobden. That was a thing.
 
2013-02-14 02:46:05 PM  
I am the one who taps.
 
2013-02-14 02:46:16 PM  

beefoe: The law enforcers quickly moved on, taking with them some homemade syrup the Bensons gave them.

What kind of cops do you have up there in Illinois?  Shouldn't they have held the family at gunpoint?  Or at least shot the family dog.


Apparently, they have very lazy police officers in Southern Illinois.
 
2013-02-14 02:46:21 PM  
I've had my home brewery mistaken for a moonshine still by someone who doesn't know what either look like.  Another neighbor asked if I was making drugs in the basement from the smell.  ??WTF??
 
2013-02-14 02:47:55 PM  

Josu: [www.mountvernonnews.com image 700x500]
What a meth lab may look like.


That tree looks it has two penises (penisi?) trying to escape from it.
 
2013-02-14 02:48:53 PM  
"She's extending an open invitation to those locals to come by for pancakes."

Relevant to his interests.
www.globalmontreal.com

/hot, like pancakes should be
 
2013-02-14 02:49:10 PM  
When investigators pointed to buckets near some trees, 49-year-old Benson says she quickly explained the containers were collecting sap for the family's production of syrup.

"Buckets near some trees" is the only pretext a judge needs to unleash the hounds, apparently.
 
2013-02-14 02:49:34 PM  

gingerjet


Five minutes of an investigators time would of verified the report was valid or not.


Go be illiterate somewhere else. Wait, this is Fark- never mind.


Sending an entire fark'n squad was completely unnecessary.


And if it had turned out to be a meth lab and they had sent only one guy, it might have ended rather badly.
 
2013-02-14 02:49:55 PM  

LarryDan43: TelemonianAjax: While things have gotten better lately, meth is a big enough problem that this type of thing is normal, especially in the Appalachia-without-the-mountains southern areas.   Southern IL is actually more like Western Kentucky, or Eastern Missouri.  I've been to Anna and it's pretty sad.  I've heard tell it's still a sundown community...

/my hometown paper

I went to SIU and occasionally some friends and I would hang out in Cobden. That was a thing.


Would  you go hang out at the orchards in Cobden?  What on earth was in Cobden to do?  Where was there to hang out?

I grew up in Southern Illinois, I know things.
 
RTX
2013-02-14 02:51:26 PM  
This is the most Southern Illinois article ever.
 
2013-02-14 02:51:50 PM  
in other news, cops in southern Illinois have never heard of sizzurp.
 
2013-02-14 02:51:54 PM  
SAPPY TAG
 
2013-02-14 02:53:09 PM  
Herrin, at least, has some Italian food.  Boy do I wish they would bring back night bocce!   They know how to have a good time in Makanda.
 
2013-02-14 02:53:12 PM  
As someone who works in EMS in Southern Illinois, meth is a serious problem here.  Shake and bakes are blowing up constantly. There have been at least 10 that I know of. One place I regularly respond is obviously a meth manufacturing operation and the PD knows and does nothing about it.
 
2013-02-14 02:55:01 PM  
I imagine it went down something like this:

Sheriff: "Someone called in a methlab at the Benson's sugar shack. We'll pick up some syrup and get some 'cakes afterwards. Who wants a ride?"

Chorus of deputies: "Me, me, me!"
 
2013-02-14 02:56:44 PM  

signaljammer: Herrin



No no, meth.  METH.  Not herrin. Keep your drugs straight.
 
2013-02-14 02:58:14 PM  
Ok so I am a new member to fark after months. No, make that years of lurking/fapping to threads.
 
2013-02-14 02:58:25 PM  

globalwarmingpraiser: As someone who works in EMS in Southern Illinois, meth is a serious problem here.  Shake and bakes are blowing up constantly. There have been at least 10 that I know of. One place I regularly respond is obviously a meth manufacturing operation and the PD knows and does nothing about it.


They're probably gathering evidence to do a massive sweep at some point.

I'm currently in the NYC burbs and that's how they do it here with coke/heroin houses (we don't have much meth). Everyone knows what's happening and it goes unchecked for a while. Then after a few months they romp through town at 3 am with the feds and arrest every single person that was ever involved.

It's actually a solid tactic, because whoever steps in to fill the market sticks out like a sore thumb and the cops get to do it all over again.
 
2013-02-14 02:59:42 PM  
The law enforcers quickly moved on, taking with them some homemade syrup the Bensons gave them.

And here I would have assumed you needed to bribe cops with homemade donuts to make them look the other way.
 
2013-02-14 03:00:18 PM  

globalwarmingpraiser: As someone who works in EMS in Southern Illinois, meth is a serious problem here.  Shake and bakes are blowing up constantly. There have been at least 10 that I know of. One place I regularly respond is obviously a meth manufacturing operation and the PD knows and does nothing about it.


But you are from Metropolis.
1.  Superman lives there so send him to clean out the meth labs.
2.  Metropolis barely qualifies as Southern Illinois.

That is all
 
2013-02-14 03:01:00 PM  

Clock Spider Jerusalem: How farking stupid do you have to be to confuse the two?


Just smart enough to be a cop
 
2013-02-14 03:03:11 PM  

GalFriday: LarryDan43: TelemonianAjax: While things have gotten better lately, meth is a big enough problem that this type of thing is normal, especially in the Appalachia-without-the-mountains southern areas.   Southern IL is actually more like Western Kentucky, or Eastern Missouri.  I've been to Anna and it's pretty sad.  I've heard tell it's still a sundown community...

/my hometown paper

I went to SIU and occasionally some friends and I would hang out in Cobden. That was a thing.

Would  you go hang out at the orchards in Cobden?  What on earth was in Cobden to do?  Where was there to hang out?

I grew up in Southern Illinois, I know things.


We met some locals at Giant City that joined our softball game. They lived in Cobden and invited to some bar with a volleyball court? So we would go and hang out with them every so often. There was another bar on the other side of the tracks too? Of course being outsiders/city folk we had to fight a group that got mad we might be trying to take their women. After the fight everyone was cool with us. Damn hillbillys.
 
2013-02-14 03:04:17 PM  
We Canucks in Quebec and Ontario chuckle condescendingly at you Americans and your small-scale amateurish attempts at maple syrup production. Gold start and pat on the head!

Well, except for Vermont. You guys are good to go.
 
2013-02-14 03:04:42 PM  

globalwarmingpraiser: As someone who works in EMS in Southern Illinois, meth is a serious problem here.  Shake and bakes are blowing up constantly. There have been at least 10 that I know of. One place I regularly respond is obviously a meth manufacturing operation and the PD knows and does nothing about it.


I was in a training class in Twentynine Palms, California in 2002.  Middle of farking nowhere southern California desert.  No one had a car, the nearest walmart was a half hour drive away, no internet connect, one TV in a common area that got broadcast channels only, and not even a decent bookstore in town.

One of the past times we had was to sit out on the balcony in the barracks, mark down zones on the wall in sharpie, and place bets on which one would have a meth house blow up next.
 
2013-02-14 03:05:32 PM  

Clock Spider Jerusalem: How farking stupid do you have to be to confuse the two?


to be fair, it IS southern Illinois...so it's probably used for both
 
2013-02-14 03:06:02 PM  
I lived in rural Southern Illinois for three years after coming home from Iraq.  The house was nothing more than a dirt road shack.  It had a tar paper roof and mice under the floorboards.  When a storm kicked up, I thought the entire thing would blow over, but it survived.  Nobody bothered me out there.  It was a good place to hide and forget things for a while.

If I ever thought my living conditions were poor, all I had to do was look up the road.  The family lived in a shack barely bigger than mine.  There had to be a dozen filthy, rotten tooth, meth addled hill people crawling in and around that place at any given time.  They were all concentration camp skinny, with these big crooked teeth, sunken eyes, sores all over their necks and faces.  Every once in a while, I'd be sitting in my shack, turn around, and find one of their horrible little mongrel children staring at me through my window.  I'd be so startled, it'd take my breath away.

The oddest thing was that every few mornings, the entire clan would assemble in the front wasteland.  They had a van on blocks out there.  It wasn't going anywhere, but it had a radio.  The only cassette they had was a single of Motley Crue's Dr. Feelgood.  They'd blare that song and all sort of dance-mosh-holler-throw-themselves-about.  It'd play on repeat and they'd whip themselves into a dervish.  Then, all of a sudden, the music would cut off and they would all run, crashing into one another, into the house and shut the door.  I wouldn't see or hear them for the rest of the day.

I felt sorry for them all.  They were sort of like retarded worker bees with no wings and nothing to do.  Even if given an opportunity, I'm not sure what any of them would've contributed to a society.  Sort of like speed bumps on a road in an underwater town.

Then one evening, one of their little gals saw me in my front yard, trying to scratch a garden out of the hardpan.  She ran up with a flower in her hand and gave it to me, smiling that terrifying toothy smile they all had.  Her eyes kind of blinked and then she ran off back to their shack.  The flower was wilted, half dead.  The little girl had left her injury upon it.

I couldn't take it anymore.  So, like we did to the uncooperative Iraqis, I sneaked over there in the middle of the night with a gas can.  I spread it around their shake wood place.  I hoped I was doing the right thing.  Right or wrong, I set the match and the whole place went up.  The little gal was the only one who tried to escape, but I ran up to the flames and whacked her with the shovel.  She fell back inside and burned up with the rest.  The whole thing didn't take more than ten minutes.

The next morning, staring at the black smudge on the brown dirt lot, I felt better.  Maybe some of those flowers could grow up now.
 
2013-02-14 03:06:09 PM  
seems awfully early to be tapping trees
 
2013-02-14 03:06:23 PM  
Benson thanks her neighbors for being alert and notifying police, even if it was a misunderstanding. She's extending an open invitation to those locals to come by for pancakes.

These pancakes
s3.postimage.org
The chocolate chips would be Ex-Lax.
 
2013-02-14 03:08:24 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: globalwarmingpraiser: As someone who works in EMS in Southern Illinois, meth is a serious problem here.  Shake and bakes are blowing up constantly. There have been at least 10 that I know of. One place I regularly respond is obviously a meth manufacturing operation and the PD knows and does nothing about it.

They're probably gathering evidence to do a massive sweep at some point.

I'm currently in the NYC burbs and that's how they do it here with coke/heroin houses (we don't have much meth). Everyone knows what's happening and it goes unchecked for a while. Then after a few months they romp through town at 3 am with the feds and arrest every single person that was ever involved.

It's actually a solid tactic, because whoever steps in to fill the market sticks out like a sore thumb and the cops get to do it all over again.


Also by doing this they let them build up enough offenses so that they can charge them with enough to put them away for a long time instead of just charging them with one count and having them back on the streets in a few years.
 
2013-02-14 03:09:46 PM  

Josu: [www.mountvernonnews.com image 700x500]
What a meth lab may look like.


I'd tap that.
 
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