Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Deadspin)   Proof that the media can't take a joke: The Ohio State University is forced to issue a press release saying that a turtle never bit Woody Hayes in the penis   (deadspin.com ) divider line
    More: Followup, Woody Hayes, Ohio State, Urban Meyer, snacks  
•       •       •

870 clicks; posted to Sports » on 13 Feb 2013 at 9:49 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



25 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-02-13 07:00:32 PM  
Subby owes me a new pair of pants! XD
 
2013-02-13 07:09:06 PM  
Amazing.  That joke has to be at least 30 years old.
 
2013-02-13 07:10:04 PM  
I was rooting for this guy all week because, holy shiat... I've never seen balls that big in my life, cut I hope the piece of shiat is dead. When it comes your time, you can take out 1 or 2 congresspeople, but there has to be a limit.
 
2013-02-13 08:35:51 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: I was rooting for this guy all week because, holy shiat... I've never seen balls that big in my life, cut I hope the piece of shiat is dead. When it comes your time, you can take out 1 or 2 congresspeople, but there has to be a limit.


Why would you want Urban Meyer dead?! Are you an Auburn fan, or what? O_o'
 
2013-02-13 09:10:29 PM  
Woody Hayes poking Mitch McConnell in the eye is not a mental image I needed.
 
2013-02-13 09:34:35 PM  

Captain Steroid: Why would you want Urban Meyer dead?!


He unleashed the Tebow upon the world. He must be punished.
 
2013-02-13 09:51:02 PM  
But can we be really sure a turtle never bit Woody Hayes in the penis? I'm just asking questions.
 
2013-02-13 10:01:53 PM  

ds_4815: But can we be really sure a turtle never bit Woody Hayes in the penis? I'm just asking questions.


All part of the plot to overthrow the powers that be in college football by referencing the addition of Maryland to the conference. Evil I tell ya... EVIL!!!!
 
2013-02-13 10:12:30 PM  
A snapping turtle can easily snap a stick in half. A penis wouldn't stand a chance, Woody or not. Or woody or not.
 
2013-02-13 10:20:44 PM  
And ,thus we find the very beginnings of the "turtles all the way down" meme.
 
2013-02-13 10:38:41 PM  
I bet that was a fun morning in the OSU PR office.

"So the mascot needs to be at Polk Elementary this afternoon, we've got the alumni luncheon at 12...oh, and Coach Meyer said Woody Hayes once let a turtle bite his penis. Any other outstanding issues? No? Well, get to it, I'll be in my office with a fifth of Jack trying to write a penis-biting turtle denial memo."
 
2013-02-13 10:41:27 PM  
Woody Hayes may not have been bitten in the penis by a turtle, but (TRUE STORY) he punched a player in the throat on national television.

Truth really is stranger than fiction.
 
2013-02-13 11:12:00 PM  

jayhawk88: I bet that was a fun morning in the OSU PR office.

"So the mascot needs to be at Polk Elementary this afternoon, we've got the alumni luncheon at 12...oh, and Coach Meyer said Woody Hayes once let a turtle bite his penis. Any other outstanding issues? No? Well, get to it, I'll be in my office with a fifth of Jack trying to write a penis-biting turtle denial memo."


Penis-Biting Turtle Denial Memo is the name of my Irish Folk Group
 
2013-02-13 11:37:43 PM  

ds_4815: But can we be really sure a turtle never bit Woody Hayes in the penis? I'm just asking questions.


Nobody thought a pedophile would bite Joe Paterno in the ass either but it hppened.
 
2013-02-13 11:44:59 PM  

i12.photobucket.com

The turtle is shocked at these allegations and lies

 
2013-02-14 12:13:22 AM  
The NCAA is now investigating if unsanctioned penis play may have played a  role in the Maryland move to the Big Ten.  I sense that this Turtlepocalypse is far from over for Ohio State.

drawception.com

/1st GIS result for 'turtlepocalypse'
 
2013-02-14 01:11:39 AM  

Donnchadha: Captain Steroid: Why would you want Urban Meyer dead?!

He unleashed the Tebow upon the world. He must be punished.


He'll redeem himself when he makes Braxton Miller a Heisman winner and the #1 pick in the 2014 draft.

/This, of course, is after Chip Kelly fully legitimizes the read option as a viable NFL offense.
 
2013-02-14 05:28:25 AM  

IlGreven: Donnchadha: Captain Steroid: Why would you want Urban Meyer dead?!

He unleashed the Tebow upon the world. He must be punished.

He'll redeem himself when he makes Braxton Miller a Heisman winner and the #1 pick in the 2014 draft.

/This, of course, is after Chip Kelly fully legitimizes the read option as a viable NFL offense.


hmm.  I was unaware the eagles had acquired tebow to make this happen.

/ really, seriously, they really seriously need to do that.
 
2013-02-14 07:42:40 AM  
Listening to Urban Meyer tell a joke is like listening to Anton Chigurh tell one.  It's impossible when you have no personality, even if it is an old joke.
 
2013-02-14 09:06:34 AM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Woody Hayes may not have been bitten in the penis by a turtle, but (TRUE STORY) he punched a player in the throat on national television.

Truth really is stranger than fiction.


Punching someone is stranger than attempted terrapin circumcision? You must have been fun to party with in college.
 
2013-02-14 09:40:12 AM  
So how did he get the nickname "Woody"?
 
2013-02-14 10:06:08 AM  

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Woody Hayes may not have been bitten in the penis by a turtle, but (TRUE STORY) he punched a player in the throat on national television.

Truth really is stranger than fiction.

Punching someone is stranger than attempted terrapin circumcision? You must have been fun to party with in college.


It's entirely believable that someone might have done something surreally stupid to themselves, but if there were no video to prove it you'd have a hard time convincing people that yes, a coach actually did punch a football player from the other team in the throat on national television.
 
2013-02-14 10:35:48 AM  

Spaced Cowboy: The NCAA is now investigating if unsanctioned penis play may have played a  role in the Maryland move to the Big Ten.  I sense that this Turtlepocalypse is far from over for Ohio State.

[drawception.com image 300x250]

/1st GIS result for 'turtlepocalypse'


I think you meant to say Turtle-Gate.  Isn't that what the media calls anything that has to be denied anymore?
 
2013-02-14 12:11:45 PM  
media.247sports.com
 
2013-02-14 05:52:08 PM  
...but we're still sure he punched Charlie Bauman in the Gator Bowl, right?
 
Displayed 25 of 25 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report