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(Americablog)   The AP bans using the words "Husband", "Wife" and "Fellow Human" when referring to married same-sex couples. Yes, some people have a problem with this   (americablog.com) divider line 158
    More: Stupid, U.S. state abbreviations, same-sex couples, John Aravosis, AMERICAblog, Reliable Sources, U.S. Senate, same-sex marriages, cohabitations  
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5898 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2013 at 2:40 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-13 03:01:06 PM
directv.images.cust.footprint.net

mike_d85: I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.



Awwwww, come on, Mishter D!
 
2013-02-13 03:01:58 PM

HortusMatris: Since tfa didn't mention what AP stands for until over 2/3 of the way through, I went ahead interpreted it as Ass Pirate until that point.


That's not a very nice thing to call the Associated Penii
 
2013-02-13 03:02:34 PM

mike_d85: Ennuipoet: Husband and Wife are antiquated terms, and should be discontinued, as are Mr. and Mrs.

OK, it's thread jacking, ranting, bone picking time.
I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity? I can't be the one guy walking around calling everyone "Mister" I'll look like a psychopath or a sailer with PTSD.

"Mr. D" was not my father, my father delivered pizzas and smoked pot.  I want to be an ADULT.  I don't want to wear t-shirts and shorts and converse all stars.  I want to wear slacks and button up shirts and leather shoes that don't wear out in 6 months.

I file my phone bill.  I shop for insurance.  I have a mortgage.  I fret over my 401K.  What is so WRONG with that?  Why do people feel the need to dress like a Kevin Smith movie extra and insist I call them "Steve"?  Good God man, you're an attorney.  Put a tie on.  -And not the one with skulls and crossbones on it.

/get off my lawn


Mike D with the master plan?
 
2013-02-13 03:03:38 PM

gopher321: Umm...how about 'spouse'?


Works for marriages, may not work for civil unions that acknowledge only "domestic partners."

The problem with husband/wife is that such preferences may not be volunteered and asking may be considered offensive.

The AP's making the best of an awkward situation.  Blogger didn't think things through; just assumes everyone wants what he wants.
 
2013-02-13 03:05:47 PM

Ennuipoet: Husband and Wife are antiquated terms, and should be discontinued, as are Mr. and Mrs.  Just use someone's name.  Example:  "John Smith, 87 of Farkistan is survived by his spouse, Joe/Jane Smith and their three children."

If you choose to refer to your same sex spouse as husband or wife, cool, but let's use a gender neutral description for public consumption.


www.asimfiction.com
 
2013-02-13 03:06:32 PM

Krieghund: My sister-in-law is married to a woman. They are vehemently opposed to describing each other as "wives".
I do not think they are unique among lesbians in this.

Call people what they want to be called. It's not as hard as it sounds.


No, I will not refer to anyone's raggedy doink as "HUSBEAR," tyvm, and imagine if the furries had their say... the AP Stylebook would be longer than the collected works of Proust.
 
2013-02-13 03:06:50 PM
Neil and Bob
No that's not their name, that's what they do.
 
2013-02-13 03:10:08 PM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: ZAZ: I nominate "penis receptor" if the other spouse is male.

What if he's a bottom


I think you mean what if he's a top - bottom would be the receptor.
 
2013-02-13 03:12:00 PM

bryen: I can't stand people calling me and my husband 'partners' - I know they're trying to be polite but we don't own a damn law firm and if we did we'd live in a much nicer house and I'd be in shape from chasing ambulances.

What really pisses me off is when old crusty lesbians or old queen gay men refer to their 'partner' - eff that. If you want marriage equality but then don't want to use 'straight people terms' then screw you and shut up.

**off soapbox**


The term "partner" always struck me as one that was pointedly different.  Generally, I'm all for calling people what they want to be called (except in the really weird and strange situation that someone wants to be called a slur, like Sam Jackson insisting that reporter use the n-word) but seems to me that if a guy is married to a guy, they're each other's husband.
 
2013-02-13 03:13:36 PM

letrole: Homosexual marriage is pursued as a means to an end. Homosexuals, by an exceedingly large margin, do not wish to get married or to form civil unions. Rather, they want to be accepted as normal. Their hope is that public approval of homosexuality will follow the legal establishment of homosexual marriages.


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2013-02-13 03:15:09 PM
**off soapbox**

[crimsonaudio.net image 299x223]

Face it, we're all different. I knew one guy that took on his wife's last name when he married. Everyone's different, and the AP is trying not to offend (and end up in court with lawsuits). Spouse is acceptable, or partner, for both hetero and homo couples. If it comes out that you call them something else, no one should pay any mind to it. It's not a ban when they'll post it right, after an interview.


I agree - but I also think there is an evolution on things. There's the 'new gay' and then the old legion of gays who think they blazed trails and made the world a great place for the next generation. I'm of the school that they made it worse and established all of the stereotypes. AOL was what blazed trails for us to be more out, not some old queen who is desperate to hold on to the separatist ideas of their early days. They can take their lifemate/ friend / partner / roomate and skip the marriage thing if they think calling it what the rest of society calls it isn't good enough for them.
 
2013-02-13 03:16:21 PM

mike_d85: Ennuipoet: Husband and Wife are antiquated terms, and should be discontinued, as are Mr. and Mrs.

OK, it's thread jacking, ranting, bone picking time.
I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity? I can't be the one guy walking around calling everyone "Mister" I'll look like a psychopath or a sailer with PTSD.

"Mr. D" was not my father, my father delivered pizzas and smoked pot.  I want to be an ADULT.  I don't want to wear t-shirts and shorts and converse all stars.  I want to wear slacks and button up shirts and leather shoes that don't wear out in 6 months.

I file my phone bill.  I shop for insurance.  I have a mortgage.  I fret over my 401K.  What is so WRONG with that?  Why do people feel the need to dress like a Kevin Smith movie extra and insist I call them "Steve"?  Good God man, you're an attorney.  Put a tie on.  -And not the one with skulls and crossbones on it.

/get off my lawn


If it makes you feel better, I insist that my (3 year old) daughter use "Mr. Lastname" when referring to adults other than her actual aunts, uncles, and godfather.
 
2013-02-13 03:18:00 PM
I don't think there is any way to refer to two married dues or two married chicks that won't offend SOMEONE.
 
2013-02-13 03:18:58 PM

Frank N Stein: Ennuipoet: Husband and Wife are antiquated terms, and should be discontinued, as are Mr. and Mrs.  Just use someone's name.  Example:  "John Smith, 87 of Farkistan is survived by his spouse, Joe/Jane Smith and their three children."

If you choose to refer to your same sex spouse as husband or wife, cool, but let's use a gender neutral description for public consumption.

I don't like it.


What's not to like? Newspapers and legal documents use a certain formalized language, and "spouse" as a catch-all term seems perfectly appropriate.

Ennuipoet is laying it on a bit heavy if s/he thinks 'antiquated' titles should be phased out entirely, so I'll agree that far.
 
2013-02-13 03:19:32 PM
What business is it of the Associated Press to determine that it doesn't believe legally wed gay couples, in the US or abroad, are actually legally wed?


What business of yours is it what the AP decides to do? They don't "determine" anything. They don't abrogate a marriage with their verbage.

Wayyyyyy too much complaining here. Just say "I think the AP sucks for doing this" but don't claim that they are having an actual effect on gay marriages.

That's as stupid as claiming gay marriages are "ruining" marriage for other people.
 
2013-02-13 03:19:40 PM
I wish I the AP put out a newspaper or magazine, that would be a worthy periodical.
 
2013-02-13 03:20:41 PM
well, they are being factually-correct since the actual definition of marriage is only between a male and female
 
2013-02-13 03:21:52 PM

Onkel Buck: Can we just start wearing plain gray Snuggies and have everything taste like plain vanilla already? That way no one will ever be offended again


Timmy did it.

images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2013-02-13 03:22:41 PM
www.mememaker.net
 
2013-02-13 03:24:49 PM

Hickory-smoked: Ennuipoet is laying it on a bit heavy if s/he thinks 'antiquated' titles should be phased out entirely, so I'll agree that far.


I am not saying people should not refer to themselves in any way they choose, just the formal title in publications and legal forms.  People are identified by names, numbers, DNA, finger prints and pin numbers, do we need a Mr, Ms, or Mrs to clarify.

Exceptions of course for earned Honorariums for professional designations.  You worked/paid for them.
 
2013-02-13 03:28:37 PM
www.disciplebuilding.org
 
2013-02-13 03:32:14 PM
Sorry, what the hell are we supposed to call them?  Top and Bottom?  Muncher and Munchee?

Stupid.
 
2013-02-13 03:32:45 PM

FatherChaos: [www.mememaker.net image 400x300]


i.minus.com

what about lesbians?
 
2013-02-13 03:36:01 PM

mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?


If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.
 
2013-02-13 03:37:35 PM

Fark_Guy_Rob: I don't think there is any way to refer to two married dues or two married chicks that won't offend SOMEONE.


You can't do or say ANYTHING without offending SOMEONE. I don't understand why people try so hard; it's utterly futile.
 
2013-02-13 03:38:07 PM

kronicfeld: AP is overruling the 9 states and the District of Columbia that have legal marriages for gay couples. AP says no.  They're not really marriages.
And what about foreign marriages?  Same-sex couples can marry in a growing number of countries now. AP has also decided that they're not really married either.
What business is it of the Associated Press to determine that it doesn't believe legally wed gay couples, in the US or abroad, are actually legally wed?

For fark's sake. Breathless pearl-clutching like this isn't helping.


This. They're as bad as gun nuts with that crap
 
2013-02-13 03:38:47 PM

Ennuipoet: Hickory-smoked: Ennuipoet is laying it on a bit heavy if s/he thinks 'antiquated' titles should be phased out entirely, so I'll agree that far.

I am not saying people should not refer to themselves in any way they choose, just the formal title in publications and legal forms.  People are identified by names, numbers, DNA, finger prints and pin numbers, do we need a Mr, Ms, or Mrs to clarify.

Exceptions of course for earned Honorariums for professional designations.  You worked/paid for them.


MD is only real doctorate.
 
2013-02-13 03:39:22 PM

godxam: FatherChaos: [www.mememaker.net image 400x300]

[i.minus.com image 477x357]

what about lesbians?


Like anyone gives a shiat about dykes.
 
2013-02-13 03:39:59 PM

Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.


Says someone who wants us to believe that she is a male patent attorney.
 
2013-02-13 03:40:06 PM

Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.


Your reading comprehension is lacking.  He obviously ISN'T forcing anyone to do anything.
 
2013-02-13 03:42:11 PM
Now AP has a ban on the terms husband and wife for gay couplesunless the couples use the term about themselves. Is that AP's standard for straight couples too?  Only call straight people husband and wife if the couple calls themselves husband and wife?  I doubt it.

Really? THIS is the story? I think the issue here is that you have gay couples that refer to themselves and each other as husband and husband, and some that refer to each other as husband and wife. Similar situation with lesbian couples. Do you think just MAYBE that the AP is trying not to piss them off by referring to them the wrong way, or by referring to whomever might choose to identify as the wife as being the husband, and so on? Jesus, I really don't think this one is a plan to take down gay people, I really think it's them trying not to get it wrong from the beginning. With straight couples, it's a pretty safe bet that the woman will be referred to(And refer to herself as) the 'wife', and the man will be the 'husband', so that's why they don't check with a straight couple.
 
2013-02-13 03:43:36 PM

bryen: There's the 'new gay'


Is that the new show staring Joey Deshanel?
 
2013-02-13 03:44:03 PM

Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.


Imagine how much easier your life and work would be if you could understand what you read.
 
2013-02-13 03:44:05 PM

bryen: The All-Powerful Atheismo: ZAZ: I nominate "penis receptor" if the other spouse is male.

What if he's a bottom

I think you mean what if he's a top - bottom would be the receptor.


what if, you know, "the urge" hits, and you both want to be bottoms (or tops)?  do you flip a coin, rock paper scissors, keep a chart of whose turn is next?
 
2013-02-13 03:44:25 PM

mike_d85: I got robbed. I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike. The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike. I don't even call my boss by his last name.


www.blogcdn.com

Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know you. I still call my boss 'Mister' even though I've been working with him for seven years, but all of a sudden I walk in here and I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting and... I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want a little breakfast?
 
2013-02-13 03:45:03 PM

kid_icarus: I'm confused...I didn't read the AP memos to mean what the angry blogger seemed to think they meant...but I couldn't quite decide what they  actuallymeant.


I think they actually meant that in this new enlightened age, different couples take on different traditional roles, and identify themselves in the relationships in different ways, and the AP is not going to jump to conclusions unless that is what the couple uses in their own description. In other words, I think the AP is trying NOT to offend anyone, and the blogger just wants to be offended.
 
2013-02-13 03:45:09 PM

Mikey1969: Really? THIS is the story? I think the issue here is that you have gay couples that refer to themselves and each other as husband and husband, and some that refer to each other as husband and wife. Similar situation with lesbian couples. Do you think just MAYBE that the AP is trying not to piss them off by referring to them the wrong way, or by referring to whomever might choose to identify as the wife as being the husband, and so on? Jesus, I really don't think this one is a plan to take down gay people, I really think it's them trying not to get it wrong from the beginning. With straight couples, it's a pretty safe bet that the woman will be referred to(And refer to herself as) the 'wife', and the man will be the 'husband', so that's why they don't check with a straight couple.


Says someone who is refers to himself as a male lesbian softbutch switch.
 
2013-02-13 03:46:28 PM
I'm gay, and frankly I hate the term 'partner'. I am not in a business relationship with my boyfriend. If we wind up married we will be husband and husband (we live in New York, so it is possible).
 
2013-02-13 03:46:52 PM
The plural of spouse is spice
 
2013-02-13 03:47:37 PM

meanmutton: Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.

Your reading comprehension is lacking.  He obviously ISN'T forcing anyone to do anything.


But he feels a need to. It's an unrealized need.

/don't throw around "durr ur reading comprehension is lacking" if you don't understand the difference between finite and infinitive verbs
 
2013-02-13 03:49:05 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Perhaps the AP could solve this issue by, oh I dunno, interviewing the people they're going to be discussing in their little news pieces?


And that's why they said that they wouldn't use terms like 'husband' and 'wife', unless the people in thei pieces used those terms themselves to refer to their own relationship. Sounds like AP had it wrapped up before someone turned into an issue.
 
2013-02-13 03:49:58 PM

Krieghund: My sister-in-law is married to a woman. They are vehemently opposed to describing each other as "wives".
I do not think they are unique among lesbians in this.

Call people what they want to be called. It's not as hard as it sounds.


Actually, I think it is as hard as it sounds.  Somebody is offended about something in this country every 2.341 seconds.  Gets sort of tiresome after a while.
 
2013-02-13 03:50:54 PM
Puff: Words are evil. Are they not evil, these words we use? Hmm?

/Does anyone know the definition of simultagnosia?
 
2013-02-13 03:52:41 PM

GreenAdder: Let me get this straight. The Associated Press is attempting to ask people what they prefer to be called, so they are able to print things as accurately as possible. If they are unsure, they're to use the generic term "partner." If the couple uses the terms "husband" or "wife," then they're okay to print.

It sounds to me like they don't want to go printing things without verifying first. What's the problem?


Because it's a bit bizzare to say 'these two are married; therefore we will  not call them husband and wife\husband and husband\wife and wife'.

Kind of like how if I'm referring to a pair of siblings, it would be weird to say 'these two are siblings; therefore I will  not call them brother and sister, instead I will call them 'descendants of the same parentage'".
 
2013-02-13 03:54:41 PM

Because People in power are Stupid: Says someone who is refers to himself as a male lesbian softbutch switch.


Only on Tuesdays, the rest of the time, I just go by 'Charlie'.
 
2013-02-13 03:54:41 PM

Theaetetus: meanmutton: Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.

Your reading comprehension is lacking.  He obviously ISN'T forcing anyone to do anything.

But he feels a need to. It's an unrealized need.

/don't throw around "durr ur reading comprehension is lacking" if you don't understand the difference between finite and infinitive verbs


Good thing that your psychic powers tell you his feelings, then.
 
2013-02-13 03:54:55 PM
This is what happens when Rupert Murdoch gets to influence your "news" organization.
 
2013-02-13 03:54:58 PM
No one should be surprised at this.  AP has been a right-wing news service since at least the Reagan administration.
 
2013-02-13 03:58:02 PM

PsiChick: GreenAdder: Let me get this straight. The Associated Press is attempting to ask people what they prefer to be called, so they are able to print things as accurately as possible. If they are unsure, they're to use the generic term "partner." If the couple uses the terms "husband" or "wife," then they're okay to print.

It sounds to me like they don't want to go printing things without verifying first. What's the problem?

Because it's a bit bizzare to say 'these two are married; therefore we will  not call them husband and wife\husband and husband\wife and wife'.

Kind of like how if I'm referring to a pair of siblings, it would be weird to say 'these two are siblings; therefore I will  not call them brother and sister, instead I will call them 'descendants of the same parentage'".


Except fro when they DON'T WANT TO be called "husband/wife", but husband and husband or wife and wife. Then THEY would get all pissed off at the AP for not bothering to take into account their personal preferences before writing the story. Plenty here who have already chimed in that have their own preferences, their own pet peeves, or know someone who does. AP isn't staffed with psychics, what else are they supposed to do?
 
2013-02-13 03:58:51 PM

meanmutton: Theaetetus: meanmutton: Theaetetus: mike_d85: I got robbed.  I expected that I would grow up and people would call me "Mr. D" instead the neighborhood children call me Mike.  The best I've gotten is Mr. Mike.  I don't even call my boss by his last name.  This is crap.  Where's the respect? Where's the dignity?

If you need to force other people to use an honorific when they speak to you, then you have no dignity and will receive no respect.

Your reading comprehension is lacking.  He obviously ISN'T forcing anyone to do anything.

But he feels a need to. It's an unrealized need.

/don't throw around "durr ur reading comprehension is lacking" if you don't understand the difference between finite and infinitive verbs

Good thing that your psychic powers tell you his feelings, then.


It's amazing. That's twice you failed to fully read and understand the sentence. The first time, you skipped right to the fifth word. This time you skipped the first one. Is it some odd variety of ADHD that prevents you from reading a sentence from the beginning?
 
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