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(Rock 103)   Show that woman that's not your wife how much you care today. Feb. 13th is Mistress Day   (rock103.com) divider line 157
    More: Dumbass, Valentine's Day, private investigators  
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6944 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2013 at 2:01 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-13 11:24:11 AM
I had some Privates Investigator business cards printed up to go along with my Bikini Inspector beanie and disappearing ink squirt gun.

Sam Spud, Prop Detective
 
2013-02-13 12:37:40 PM
Don't I do enough for her already? What is she, my freaking wife???
 
2013-02-13 12:44:51 PM
My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.
 
2013-02-13 01:25:03 PM

kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.


Are they happy?
 
2013-02-13 01:30:29 PM

kimwim: She had to show me.


You knew her?

What's the etiquette here?  Do you have to buy your husband's mistress a gift, too?
 
2013-02-13 02:05:18 PM
No one who actually has a mistress will bother to comment here...they are too busy enjoying their mistress.
 
2013-02-13 02:05:47 PM

IgG4: kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.

Are they happy?


www.iconsoffright.com
 
2013-02-13 02:06:02 PM
i1151.photobucket.com
A quick pork before I go back to the ol' ball & chain!
Say - are those implants?
 
2013-02-13 02:07:00 PM

kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.


I feel sorry for people that get the typical box of chocolates.  They suck ass.   seriously horrible flavors inside.
 
2013-02-13 02:07:14 PM
I barely have enough time keeping one woman's likes, dislikes, birthday, name, and food allergies straight.  I'm supposed to take on a second one as well?

I don't *think* so...
 
2013-02-13 02:08:16 PM

Skyd1v: I barely have enough time keeping one woman's likes, dislikes, birthday, name, and food allergies straight.  I'm supposed to take on a second one as well?

I don't *think* so...


The second one is just to be a cash and carry operation.  You just have to be a sugar daddy, not that track all that shiat.
 
2013-02-13 02:08:57 PM
I've always wanted two women.  One to cook and one to clean.

/ba-dum-tish
 
2013-02-13 02:09:35 PM
Note to myself: don't buy the same stuff for the wife and the mistress, ever.
 
2013-02-13 02:09:51 PM
Do hookers count?
 
2013-02-13 02:09:52 PM
This Feb. 16th will be the 30 anniversary of my ex-wife's desertion. At the time I was bummed out, but after a year I realized she did me a favor: the next one after her was 6 years younger, i.e. 18.

Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering. Really, it's better to pay cash.
 
2013-02-13 02:11:51 PM
Actually, that's the 15th, Subby. You spend the 14th avoiding and not returning calls because you're with the wife. After making the wife feel special enough that she'll let you out of the house without giving you the side eye, you go see the mistress with a gift and a bullshiat story about having to bail your brother out of jail the night before.
 
2013-02-13 02:11:55 PM
Any one notice the ad for Elton john and his piano at the bottom of the article.
 
2013-02-13 02:12:39 PM

Skyd1v: I barely have enough time keeping one woman's likes, dislikes, birthday, name, and food allergies straight.  I'm supposed to take on a second one as well?

I don't *think* so...


My sister-in-law is about to be widowed.  As soon as she moves to this city it's going to be like having two wives but without the doubled up sexy time.  I'm going to throw a pity party next year if I'm still alive
 
2013-02-13 02:13:59 PM

The One True TheDavid: Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering. Really, it's better to pay cash.


which hey, if your reason for getting married was to get blowjobs, then sure.  Some of us consider women, and companionship in general, to be worth more than just life support systems for lips and vaginas.  Silly us.
 
2013-02-13 02:14:06 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Skyd1v: I barely have enough time keeping one woman's likes, dislikes, birthday, name, and food allergies straight.  I'm supposed to take on a second one as well?

I don't *think* so...

My sister-in-law is about to be widowed.  As soon as she moves to this city it's going to be like having two wives but without the doubled up sexy time.  I'm going to throw a pity party next year if I'm still alive


Solution to your problems.

http://news.yahoo.com/sister-open-marriage-takes-sharing-too-far-050 02 1131.html
 
2013-02-13 02:14:11 PM

kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.


I wonder what the thought process was for her... all giddy with glee "I can't wait to show kimwim what I got! Yaaaaay!"  Seriously, you're better off without those two Mensa members in your life.


/dude can't even cheat right
 
2013-02-13 02:14:12 PM

The One True TheDavid: Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering.


I thought those were supposed to go together, plus the dog chain.
 
2013-02-13 02:14:23 PM

IgG4: kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.

Are they happy?


They are not happy. It's glorious. As my mother used to say, revenge is a dish best eaten cold.
 
2013-02-13 02:15:07 PM

Smeggy Smurf: As soon as she moves to this city it's going to be like having two wives but without the doubled up sexy time


I suspect it will change the frequency, however.  Which direction - is up to you.
 
2013-02-13 02:15:16 PM

kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.


I'm trying hard to figure this out.  How did you find out?  Did he have her name on the box he gave to you?  Maybe I need some food but I can't figure it out.
 
2013-02-13 02:15:22 PM

Diogenes: kimwim: She had to show me.

You knew her?

What's the etiquette here?  Do you have to buy your husband's mistress a gift, too?


Literally, she was the milkmaid. No, I didn't get her a gift. I was surprised, and relieved I didn't get a "gift" from her.
 
2013-02-13 02:15:22 PM

The One True TheDavid: This Feb. 16th will be the 30 anniversary of my ex-wife's desertion. At the time I was bummed out, but after a year I realized she did me a favor: the next one after her was 6 years younger, i.e. 18.

Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering. Really, it's better to pay cash.


I'm not sure that counting the years and using words like "desertion" are signs that you've accepted what happened. Also see: remembering head from 30 years ago.
 
2013-02-13 02:15:45 PM

Girion47: kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.

I feel sorry for people that get the typical box of chocolates.  They suck ass.   seriously horrible flavors inside.


Dude! Show some sensitivity. Not all of the flavors inside are horrible.
 
2013-02-13 02:16:58 PM

IamAwake: The One True TheDavid: Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering. Really, it's better to pay cash.

which hey, if your reason for getting married was to get blowjobs, then sure.


It is as good a reason as any other, since there are no good reasons.
 
2013-02-13 02:17:26 PM
Get your mistress something from Jared. The Subway sandwich guy.
 
2013-02-13 02:17:41 PM

TNel: How did you find out? Did he have her name on the box he gave to you?


She thought if she showed me I'd immediately leave, move out, and give her the gift of him. It didn't quite work out that way. Not quite.
 
2013-02-13 02:17:48 PM
If you're going to really man-up you have two wives.
 
2013-02-13 02:18:55 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Actually, that's the 15th, Subby. You spend the 14th avoiding and not returning calls because you're with the wife. After making the wife feel special enough that she'll let you out of the house without giving you the side eye, you go see the mistress with a gift and a bullshiat story about having to bail your brother out of jail the night before.


Naw.  Just make sure your girlfriend knows you're married and that you'll be spending the day with your wife.

/also helps if your girlfriend is married
//so I hear...
 
2013-02-13 02:19:43 PM
I'm an out of work mid thirties recovering alcoholic.  I can barely hold on to a wife, let alone get a mistress.
 
2013-02-13 02:19:53 PM

kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.


Are they happy now?
 
2013-02-13 02:20:42 PM
A toast to your wives and lovers! May they never meet!

Hee, hee, hee! Old jokes are the best jokes.
 
2013-02-13 02:21:31 PM

Lucidz: I'm an out of work mid thirties recovering alcoholic. I can barely hold on to a wife, let alone get a mistress.


I think I found your problem.
 
2013-02-13 02:22:16 PM
farm3.staticflickr.com
new wave hairdos
 
2013-02-13 02:22:48 PM

kimwim: IgG4: kimwim: My ex did that. Bought her the same heart shaped box of chocolates he got me. That's how I found out. She had to show me. They're married now. Ask me if they're happy.

Are they happy?

They are not happy. It's glorious. As my mother used to say, revenge is a dish best eaten cold.


Love me some revenge cole slaw
 
2013-02-13 02:23:22 PM
"Well," said the computer programmer, "Ideally, you should have both a wife, *and* a mistress.  And they should know about each other.  That way, you can tell your wife you're with your mistress, and you can tell your mistress you're with your wife, and meanwhile, you can go in to the office and get some code written."

/I swear that's why half the geeks I know are poly
 
2013-02-13 02:24:06 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Lucidz: I'm an out of work mid thirties recovering alcoholic. I can barely hold on to a wife, let alone get a mistress.

I think I found your problem.


In point of fact, I think most mistresses would take umbrage to the "out of work" part over the other two.  And I did say recovering.  Cut me some slack.
 
2013-02-13 02:24:18 PM

kimwim: TNel: How did you find out? Did he have her name on the box he gave to you?

She thought if she showed me I'd immediately leave, move out, and give her the gift of him. It didn't quite work out that way. Not quite.


You don't sound at all clingy or unstable.  Or bitter.  I can't imagine why he cheated.
 
2013-02-13 02:24:21 PM
images.zap2it.com

/...may they never meet.
//hot, Hot, HOT!
 
2013-02-13 02:25:50 PM

Good Behavior Day: I've always wanted two women.  One to cook and one to clean.

/ba-dum-tish


I hear digging but I don't hear chopping.
 
2013-02-13 02:26:46 PM

geekbikerskum: "Well," said the computer programmer, "Ideally, you should have both a wife, *and* a mistress.  And they should know about each other.  That way, you can tell your wife you're with your mistress, and you can tell your mistress you're with your wife, and meanwhile, you can go in to the office and get some code written."

/I swear that's why half the geeks I know are poly


Or you can be an auto engineer and have your wife complain how you are out in the garage with your "other women".
 
2013-02-13 02:26:47 PM

hartzdog: kimwim: TNel: How did you find out? Did he have her name on the box he gave to you?

She thought if she showed me I'd immediately leave, move out, and give her the gift of him. It didn't quite work out that way. Not quite.

You don't sound at all clingy or unstable.  Or bitter.  I can't imagine why he cheated.



0/10

images.t-nation.com
 
2013-02-13 02:27:13 PM

IamAwake: Smeggy Smurf: As soon as she moves to this city it's going to be like having two wives but without the doubled up sexy time

I suspect it will change the frequency, however.  Which direction - is up to you.


What's The Frequency?
 
2013-02-13 02:27:19 PM
My girlfriend works tomorrow night so we're going out tonight.  Am I going to look like a stone-cold pimp to the waitstaff?
 
2013-02-13 02:28:07 PM

IamAwake: The One True TheDavid:

Eventually I learned good blowjobs ain't worth that much pain & suffering. Really, it's better to pay cash.

which hey, if your reason for getting married was to get blowjobs, then sure.  Some of us consider women, and companionship in general, to be worth more than just life support systems for lips and vaginas.  Silly us.


Of course that wasn't my only reason: I was deeply in love. And 19-20. And wanted so much to be a "normal" person. Why I picked her for that is beyond me: I must have been mentally ill.

Everybody has to be good at something: for Becky Lynn it was making out in cars and giving enthusiastic head.

She had a few other skills but I valued those less. I'm glad she left before I stabbed her. You know how some crazy people bring out the psycho in others? Uh-huh.
 
2013-02-13 02:29:26 PM

tricycleracer: My girlfriend works tomorrow night so we're going out tonight.  Am I going to look like a stone-cold pimp to the waitstaff?


If your girlfriend has a sense of humor, get a fake wedding band.  Act dismayed when you notice you are wearing it and attempt (but fail) to discretely remove it during the meal.
 
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