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(Buzzfeed)   "Helicopter parents depress kids." Why are you sad, Johnny? WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHERE'S YOUR TEACHER, THAT BIATCH   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 127
    More: Sad, helicopter parents, liberal arts colleges, family studies, University of Mary Washington  
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7848 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2013 at 11:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-13 04:33:01 PM
had a former foster parent lose her shiat with me
yup, a foster parent
hadn't lived with them since I was 10 but she would call me in boys homes and later,
send letters to me in the army
Your grandpa/grandma died, they really wanted you to be there but you weren't
or can you go by the old house, your dad is an alcoholic and needs to go to the hospital

 I cut all contact with everyone in that family
and I swear to the gods, my life is infinitely better
3000 miles away
crazy people are crazy, even if they can't breed
 
2013-02-13 04:49:48 PM

KatjaMouse: mike_d85: Millennium: I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?

Alternate theory: Proliferation of information.
Mom and dad can find out what's happening in china instantly, let alone the local high school campus.  They receive amber alerts via text, have weather streaming on their phone, and can log into a profile and check their kid's grades.

"Don't talk to strangers" has turned into "If you see a maroon suburban stay 50 feet away or more"
"Take a sweater" is advice that can be given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, remotely.
"What did you learn in school today" is a rhetorical question as mom know knows what you did/did not learn and the extent to which you did/did not learn it.

I'd also say this started around times when competition got a lot more fierce. This was first coined in 1969, right? Parents who were kids in the Great Depression wanted to make sure that there kids were want for nothing and to only climb higher up the social and economic ladders. Making sure they were in the right social groups. Making sure they were taking the right classes. We were in a Space Race at the time and science and math were greatly stressed and kids were competing to get into MIT more than ever. It just snowballed from there I think.


I first heard it applied as a more common event in the late ninties. Although your time period would coincide with television in the home, portable radios, etc. so the communications may just be feeding the flames.

I didn't correlate competition into it because I mix the helicoptering with the parents who don't allow little league to keep score.  That certainly would match with the chinese culture of heli-parents (there was a thread last week about buying grades).
 
2013-02-13 04:57:10 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.


You mean well. There can be no doubt about that. But pain is not bad: it's our own built-in mechanism to tell us that something is wrong. It's how we learn from our mistakes, and all children -including your own- need to experience some of it in order to learn how to use it. Kids are resilient: let them take advantage of that resilience while they still have it, and they will retain much more of it.
 
2013-02-13 04:58:51 PM

T.M.S.: Helicopter parenting is sIilly but some young people can be incredibly stupid about the way the working world works.


Yes, but helicopter parenting is the cause, not the cure. People need to be able to learn from their mistakes, and you can't do that if you've got a pair of cover-up artists sweeping everything away ahead of you.
 
2013-02-13 05:00:31 PM

Gyrfalcon: What's sad is when you get the reverse: Parents who could not care less about their kids' performance at school. Kids who are absolutely failing or with behavioral problems and the teachers schedule parent-teacher meetings and the parents cancel repeatedly at the last minute or don't even bother to show up. Or parents with special-needs kids who can't be bothered to come to IEP sessions--which they have to, because the IEP can't go forward without the parents' approval. And when the kid fails or has to be suspended or expelled, they're totally oblivious to any problems, or blame it on other students' bad influence.

Other side of the same coin?


I've been teaching 15 years, and I'd rather have these parents than helicopter parents. At least with kids from sh*tty parents, you can make up for some of the problem. You can care about the kid, make them feel safe in your classroom, even loved (not like that you pervs), and show them that there can be a better life for them in the future.

With helicopter parents, everything is your fault right from the start, and there's almost nothing you can do to make them see reality. Guess what? Your kid cusses, plays on his/her phone, distracts the class, acts like an arsehole, etc. etc. when you aren't around. I'm lucky - I work in a school with cameras in every classroom, so when a parent says "my little Johnny would  never do X,Y,Z," we can cue up the film and show them what little Johnny was up to - and every time I see it, I have to fight to hold in my laughter at their  shocked faces.
 
2013-02-13 05:11:25 PM

mike_d85: Millennium: I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?

Alternate theory: Proliferation of information.
Mom and dad can find out what's happening in china instantly, let alone the local high school campus.  They receive amber alerts via text, have weather streaming on their phone, and can log into a profile and check their kid's grades.

"Don't talk to strangers" has turned into "If you see a maroon suburban stay 50 feet away or more"
"Take a sweater" is advice that can be given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, remotely.
"What did you learn in school today" is a rhetorical question as mom know knows what you did/did not learn and the extent to which you did/did not learn it.


I've always thought the problem rose from the whole "for the children" attitude that people developed over the last thirty years. They are so child-centric they forget they are raising adults, not children.

Our grandparents knew better - they expected children to behave like adults, so they did. Now bad behavior is excused because they are just "children" instead of having the expectation that they should control their behavior.

But that's just my two cents.
 
2013-02-13 05:19:24 PM
I dated this girl once after college.  She would talk on the phone to her mom every day.

One day at work, her boss was mean to her.  She tells her mom.  Then her mom CALLS her boss and yells.  The then-gf tells me this, and I'm like "WTF, your mom CALLED your boss?!?!?"  She didn't think anything was strange about that.

// CSB
//Not the best 3 months of my life
// nice boobies tho.
 
2013-02-13 05:38:26 PM

Millennium: I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?

But I recently remembered something from my own childhood: notes and newsletters that my school would give me (and all the students) to bring home to our parents on a regular basis. A lot of these newsletters were mass-produced, and they were packed with "parenting tips" of the sort that a helicopter parent could appreciate. I was a bit of a precocious child, enough to read them on the bus home, and enough to use a version of what they said in arguments with my non-helicopter parents (a slightly twisted version -come on, I was seven years old- but a recognizable one).

But I've been wondering: what if I wasn't so precocious aftere all? What if the other kids were reading these too, and assimilating their ideas -which were very appealing to a kid, let me tell you- into their own nascent thoughts about raising kids? Twenty years later, the model espoused in these pamphlets has been thoroughly discredited, but it's already ingrained in the minds of a generation of young parents, who will pass the model onto their children simply by practicing it.


I think it's a direct side effect of having less kids, notice how many of the stories about helicopter parents it's an only-child?  The baby boom regularly saw 5kids (or more) families, hell, 2 of my great-grandparents came from 11 and 15 kid families.Boomers cut it in half with 2.5 kids.

Now my generation, suffering from the Great Recession, Student Debt, Housing Prices, Daycare Costs,    etc are delaying kids until much later in life and are maybe having 2 IF they are lucky.

That puts a lot of pressure on parents to have successful children when their geneticlegacy is tied up in 1 kid that they havesacrificed a lot of money and career mobilization to have.

I also think a fair bit of this has to do with the 24-hour news cycle (Pedos EVERYWHERE) and the "Everyone MUST go to College" pressure.
 
2013-02-13 05:40:55 PM

Satan's Bunny Slippers: T.M.S.: ....... big fat letters at the top of the interview conformation email......


Hopefully this is in error......


/sorry HAD to
//once wrote a diatribe to Sears when they sent me an email referring to my upcoming "confermation" email (mostly because that was a canned auto response)
///not actually picking on you, this is fark, after all.

:)


Yeah. And I usually proofread pretty well. Mistakes happen. But not on a resume or cover letter.

When I was in charge of reading all that stuff I would correct them with a red pen and send em' back.
 
2013-02-13 05:41:14 PM
I had a convo with a friend about this very thing today. Helicopter parents are the reason I see ER claims come across my desk for BRUISES. and NASAL CONGESTION. and HEADACHES.

Literally I saw this today: 11 year old male. Bruise on his arm. $4,395 in ER charges to an insurance company.

Kiss it better, give him a lollipop, and send him back outside to play. You're grooming hypochondriacs!!!

/I hate some parents
 
2013-02-13 06:05:18 PM

Gyrfalcon: What's sad is when you get the reverse: Parents who could not care less about their kids' performance at school. Kids who are absolutely failing or with behavioral problems and the teachers schedule parent-teacher meetings and the parents cancel repeatedly at the last minute or don't even bother to show up. Or parents with special-needs kids who can't be bothered to come to IEP sessions--which they have to, because the IEP can't go forward without the parents' approval. And when the kid fails or has to be suspended or expelled, they're totally oblivious to any problems, or blame it on other students' bad influence.

Other side of the same coin?


I find that both extremes breed sad sad kids that can't handle being adults.

I find that completely disinterested parents have kids that are stuck at 16 or 17 FOREVER because their parents didn't teach them anything about being an adult. There's usually a mental illness in tow as well.

Of the 4 people I knew with disinterested parents and only 1 broke the stereotype. He enrolled in the Military as soon as he was 18 and they forced him to grow up.
 
2013-02-13 06:51:18 PM
deadhomersociety.files.wordpress.com
 
2013-02-13 07:01:14 PM

IlGreven: cig-mkr: evaned: cig-mkr: At what point does it stop, or do the helicopter parents continue when the child is employed too?

It's not hard to find stories of employers talking about getting calls from parents of job candidates or rejected candidates. Needless to say, if it's a pre-decision, it usually doesn't impress the employer.

Evidently I've been retired too long, that applicants form would hit the file 13 circular file right quick.
Like I really want to hire someone that never cut the apron string.

...thus dooming the candidate to hug his momma's apron strings even more.

I bet you half the time these candidates don't even know their parents called. They made the mistake of telling them they got an interview.


An important life lesson in itself.
 
2013-02-13 07:16:24 PM

shortymac: Gyrfalcon: What's sad is when you get the reverse: Parents who could not care less about their kids' performance at school. Kids who are absolutely failing or with behavioral problems and the teachers schedule parent-teacher meetings and the parents cancel repeatedly at the last minute or don't even bother to show up. Or parents with special-needs kids who can't be bothered to come to IEP sessions--which they have to, because the IEP can't go forward without the parents' approval. And when the kid fails or has to be suspended or expelled, they're totally oblivious to any problems, or blame it on other students' bad influence.

Other side of the same coin?

I find that both extremes breed sad sad kids that can't handle being adults.

I find that completely disinterested parents have kids that are stuck at 16 or 17 FOREVER because their parents didn't teach them anything about being an adult. There's usually a mental illness in tow as well.

Of the 4 people I knew with disinterested parents and only 1 broke the stereotype. He enrolled in the Military as soon as he was 18 and they forced him to grow up.


Mine broke the stereotype. His parents either ignored him, insulted him, or beat him- almost daily for 16 years. Some kids it makes violent. Some kids it makes withdrawn.

Not him. He's well adjusted after years of finding himself, is proud of his scars because of reminders of how not to be, and is successful and social. I'm proud of him.
 
2013-02-13 08:14:47 PM

gadian: The most useful parenting advice I ever received was let your kid make their own choices as early as they can.  For example, my kid is 1 1/2 and he chooses what to have  for breakfast, what vegetables for dinner, and what books to read before bed.  He's already showing a desire to choose his clothes and showing interest in the potty and doing simple chores - wiping up spills, helping with laundry.  I'll let him make more and more choices over the years, while still maintaining ultimate control, but the plan is to have an almost fully autonomous kid used to making decisions, most of them good, by the time he's in high school.  That's the plan anyway.  If I have a confident kid who doesn't freak out when he has choices and never calls mommy for help, I will consider myself a successful parent.

I don't understand the parents that still won't let their 5 year olds choose what to wear or an 8 year old that doesn't help around the house.


I agree with this 100%.  Giving kids choices helps them grow and even better is them learning there are good and bad consequences based on the choices they make.
 
2013-02-13 08:45:51 PM
Why are we saying helicopter "parents," when nearly all of the stories I'm reading read as helicopter (bat shiat insane) mother?
 
2013-02-13 08:59:10 PM

Tremolo: Rev. Skarekroe: Tremolo: After a few years of college out of state I heard that the girl had cut off contact with the mother, and a few months ago I actually read in the paper that the girl got a restraining order, about 10 years too late.

Was it this chick?
She was all over the news for a day or two.

That's her. I kept expecting to see e story on Fark but never did. I was in the theatre dept when she was in high school so I saw a decent amount of their crazy behavior. It sucks that she had to do that but I have no doubt that it was her only option to have a normal life.


I believe it did wind up on fark. I remember seeing it somewhere.
 
2013-02-13 09:05:50 PM

aevorea: The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK. Note that this stat tracks successful log-ins, not just attempts at logging in.

For fun, we did the math. Assuming the student's parents had divorced and both remarried, then 4 possible people could be logging in and viewing the student's grades. Those 4 people would each have to log-in 10.7 times a day, each day, to arrive at the '300 times' figure.  In this case, though, the parents were split and only one had remarried, so that's 3 people looking at the portal 14.29 times a day 7 days a week. That student exhibits a lot of testing anxiety, probably because they're afraid of what Mommy and Daddy will say when they see the grade.

And then, of course, we had a student whose parents had never logged in, not even to set up preferences (such as automatically emailing the parents when the gradebook is updated). That student acts out in class (plea for attention) and hardly ever completes homework. That student's test grades are abysmal. The parents don't show up to parent-teacher conferences.


Jesus, that's once per hour. The grades don't even change that quickly.
 
2013-02-13 10:15:50 PM
My friend and her husband were just complimented at a restaurant by strangers for telling their son that he can't win everything and has to learn how to lose, too. Kinda sad that such a thing seems to be so remarkable today, but it really does seem so anymore.
 
2013-02-13 11:08:06 PM

miss diminutive: trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month


Out of curiosity, did you have 30 roommates, or just how did this "chore wheel" work?
 
2013-02-13 11:47:05 PM

Merry Sunshine: miss diminutive: trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month

Out of curiosity, did you have 30 roommates, or just how did this "chore wheel" work?



www.sjps.tv
 
2013-02-13 11:53:56 PM

Merry Sunshine: miss diminutive: trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month

Out of curiosity, did you have 30 roommates, or just how did this "chore wheel" work?


30? Do you take your garbage out every day?
img685.imageshack.us
 
2013-02-14 02:59:49 AM
talulahgosh: manifesto or it didn't happen.

did this guy also like Michele Obama's new bangs?
 
2013-02-14 05:51:10 AM

aevorea: The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK. Note that this stat tracks successful log-ins, not just attempts at logging in.

For fun, we did the math. Assuming the student's parents had divorced and both remarried, then 4 possible people could be logging in and viewing the student's grades. Those 4 people would each have to log-in 10.7 times a day, each day, to arrive at the '300 times' figure.  In this case, though, the parents were split and only one had remarried, so that's 3 people looking at the portal 14.29 times a day 7 days a week. That student exhibits a lot of testing anxiety, probably because they're afraid of what Mommy and Daddy will say when they see the grade.

And then, of course, we had a student whose parents had never logged in, not even to set up preferences (such as automatically emailing the parents when the gradebook is updated). That student acts out in class (plea for attention) and hardly ever completes homework. That student's test grades are abysmal. The parents don't show up to parent-teacher conferences.


That first one sounds like either a bug in whatever is counting the logins, or someone has a script that bugged out and hammers the login page.
 
2013-02-14 07:02:56 AM

Merry Sunshine: miss diminutive: trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month

Out of curiosity, did you have 30 roommates, or just how did this "chore wheel" work?


Four of us in the house, garbage day came once a week, four weeks in a month....
 
2013-02-14 08:23:41 AM

Pichu0102: aevorea: The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK. Note that this stat tracks successful log-ins, not just attempts at logging in.

For fun, we did the math. Assuming the student's parents had divorced and both remarried, then 4 possible people could be logging in and viewing the student's grades. Those 4 people would each have to log-in 10.7 times a day, each day, to arrive at the '300 times' figure.  In this case, though, the parents were split and only one had remarried, so that's 3 people looking at the portal 14.29 times a day 7 days a week. That student exhibits a lot of testing anxiety, probably because they're afraid of what Mommy and Daddy will say when they see the grade.

And then, of course, we had a student whose parents had never logged in, not even to set up preferences (such as automatically emailing the parents when the gradebook is updated). That student acts out in class (plea for attention) and hardly ever completes homework. That student's test grades are abysmal. The parents don't show up to parent-teacher conferences.

That first one sounds like either a bug in whatever is counting the logins, or someone has a script that bugged out and hammers the login page.


maybe he wrote an app that will do a pushnotification when his child finishes a test./??
 
2013-02-14 10:52:42 AM
I can definitely endorse the article's findings. I don't have helicopter parents, but there were a couple times in my college career when my mom or dad would be on the phone and be like "I should call up your professor about this!" and I could just feel my sense of self-worth fall through the floor. No, if I'm going to be a failure at something, I'm going to be a failure on my own, not with my parents help.
 
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