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(Buzzfeed)   "Helicopter parents depress kids." Why are you sad, Johnny? WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHERE'S YOUR TEACHER, THAT BIATCH   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 127
    More: Sad, helicopter parents, liberal arts colleges, family studies, University of Mary Washington  
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7848 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Feb 2013 at 11:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-13 12:32:08 PM

JohnAnnArbor: JohnAnnArbor: somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?

Probably.  I'm early 40s.  When I was a college freshman, the cafeteria jobs were gone by the first day of classes.  A few years later, the same jobs would go unfilled all year.  I asked an underclassman who constantly complained about lacking cash about taking one of those; she was HORRIFIED at the idea of lowering herself to work food service.

I should add, I noticed a lot more "parental involvement" in general at the same time.  (Some can be good, to be clear; I mean the toxic kind.)


Last year, we needed a fourth roommate so we didn't get stuck with another random for our on-campus apartment, so I offered it to a kid I kinda knew (we talked in  class a bit, nothing major) so my other two roommates agreed and we got him in with us for last year. After about a month post-move in, the dude kinda became the butt of our jokes. He was incredibly creepy (just appearing at our doorways and staring for a couple of minutes before saying anything) and socially inept sometimes (like most engineers, really...okay, slightly aspie engineers) I only met his mother a couple of times and she was on his case about everything. My parents dropped my shiat off when I moved in and left as soon as the car was unloaded. Same with the other two. This kid though, shiat, his mother insisted that they stay and make sure he's "all moved in" and everything. Dude lived closer to campus than I did (~45 minutes)

Towards the end of the year, one of my roommates and I were preparing for our senior design presentation, and were understandably stressed for the 2 weeks prior. Creepy kid got on our nerves with everything, especially the classes that we had together. Dude got pissed at me for something (I think I told him to "fark off" for deliberately pushing my buttons). So he sends me this 6 page manifesto text while I'm at the presentation about how I'm a douche and a loser and no one likes me and all I do is fark fat chicks (I have standards but they were at most chubby) and I'm farking retarded and can't do anything (honestly, most of that is probably right, but I think he was directing his anger at my other roommate more at me than anger at me, but oh well) and so I simply told him that he should sit the fark down and shut up since I'm the only one that has bothered to keep him around in our apartment, that I got him in, that I kept the third roommate (who's a bit homophobic) from kicking this kid's ass for being a little...fabulous in nature and that if he's really this pissed at me then I'll level him when I get back from the presentation.

long story short, dude was on the phone with his dad about the whole thing and when I was heading back to the apartment, was heard to say "oh god dad, he's coming back now. What do I do" and on the verge of tears, etc. (granted this is hearsay from the roommate that wanted to kick his ass during the year for being a little light in the loafers but he could hear this kid through the walls) Pissant couldn't even just talk to me, instead he cried to mom and dad about it.

/cool now that I don't have to live with him. We paintball sometimes
//really hot sister though...
///but holy fark did that mother fark him up
////his dad was pretty chill
 
2013-02-13 12:32:14 PM

aevorea: And then, of course, we had a student whose parents had never logged in, not even to set up preferences (such as automatically emailing the parents when the gradebook is updated). That student acts out in class (plea for attention) and hardly ever completes homework. That student's test grades are abysmal. The parents don't show up to parent-teacher conferences.


Jesus. How about a school tax rebate plan for parents who log in at least once a week (or 4x/month including at least once a week). Right now, there's no incentive (beyond the obvious) for parents to care, and it really does hurt everyone else's education when they don't.

An incentive won't solve the problem, but at least some parents would then be arsed to literally do the least they can - and you cut off the "I had no idea my 15 year old couldn't read!" with a weekly/monthly progress report.

// I'm thinking up to a $100 tax credit ($50/semester) ought to do
 
2013-02-13 12:32:28 PM
As opposed to helicopter government, i wonder which spawned the other... like a chicken or teh egg thing
 
2013-02-13 12:33:57 PM

grinding_journalist: olapbill: we prefer the term trebuchet .

While it's an easy mistake to make, trebuchets and catapults are different things. If you're using it as a verb, trebuchets catapult objects, but as a noun, they're different.




Um, no. A trebuchet is a type of catapult. It's like toads and frogs. All trebuchets are catapults but not all catapults are trebuchets.
 
2013-02-13 12:36:19 PM
is this the thread where we all act like we should let kids run free and unsupervised?

i love this one

/also look forward to germ threads where suddenly everyone eats from the dumpster & uses rusty nails as toothpicks
 
2013-02-13 12:37:13 PM

T.M.S.: Tremolo: A girl I knew growing up, extremely nice and talented, had the terrible combination of helicopter parents and a stage mother. This woman had wormed her way into every facet of her daughter's life and it was pretty creepy to witness. There were a few instances of the girl acting out as high school came along and I had the feeling that you could draw a straight line from the mother's pressure right to the daughter's behavior.

After a few years of college out of state I heard that the girl had cut off contact with the mother, and a few months ago I actually read in the paper that the girl got a restraining order, about 10 years too late. There's nothing good about helicopter parents. It wouldn't bother me how pathetic they are if they weren't so goddamn damaging to their kids.

I know how this ended. Once she got away the stage mom focused on your friends sister. Who admittedly became a stripper. But the best and most famous stripper ever.


Isn't that the plot to "Almost Famous"?  Or am I thinking of the porn parody of said film?
 
2013-02-13 12:40:05 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.


Congratulations on creating someone who won't function at all once you are gone!  My grandparents died last year and my 63 year old father has no idea what to do with his life, since he never cut the apron strings, and this was basically the attitude they had.  When they died he essentially had a complete breakdown, despite not working at the time, which meant that I as a 24 year old had to handle all of our families affairs.  Also he now begs money off my mom since they continued to 'pay' him for working at their company they sold 30 years ago, despite him not really working and mostly watching TV then.  I barely respect my father because of all of this, since I had to pretty much teach myself what it meant to be an adult, since I only had a horrible example to look to.  I guess a negative example is better than no example, but it was pretty sad to realize at 10 that I wanted to be nothing like my dad because he wasn't really an adult.  He is a very intelligent and educated man, but because his parents pretty much handled all of his affairs his entire life he no longer has a life.  So you have this to look forward to with your kid.

/maybe I got trolled
 
2013-02-13 12:41:36 PM

JohnAnnArbor: somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?

Probably.  I'm early 40s.  When I was a college freshman, the cafeteria jobs were gone by the first day of classes.  A few years later, the same jobs would go unfilled all year.  I asked an underclassman who constantly complained about lacking cash about taking one of those; she was HORRIFIED at the idea of lowering herself to work food service.


I got a cool work-study job in the campus print shop.  Got buzzed on ink fumes, worked with hazardous equipment (almost lost two fingers in a press), and my older coworkers took me to strip clubs.  Also, we printed tests, which supplemented minimum wage and my sex life.
 
2013-02-13 12:47:29 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: Um, no. A trebuchet is a type of catapult. It's like toads and frogs. All trebuchets are catapults but not all catapults are trebuchets.


Huh. I'd always thought that the difference was that trebs used a counterweight to generate the throwing force, while catapults were traction powered- and by and large this seems to be the case, but really the difference is semantic, in that a catapult catapults objects, and trebs are a type, as you said. Most of the images and examples I can find of "catapults" are traction powered, with trebuchets, while still catapults, are listed separately.

/something new every day
 
2013-02-13 12:50:32 PM
I wouldn't call my Mom a helicopter; more of an ICBM, used once to devastating effect.

I went off the the rails when I hit college; partied like an animal and got a 0.7 GPA my first semester.   Mom drove from Chicago to Florida to give me shiat for a week.  Then she went home and I graduated with honors.

Other than that, she gave me lots of space.

/my friends all loved her; probably because my humiliation amused them.
 
2013-02-13 12:52:46 PM
I have actually gotten numerous letters over the years from parents asking me why we chose not to hire their kids.  Some were so over the top, that they demanded the kid be given another interview so that the parents could also be there to offer assistance.  Others were humorous in the fact that they documented how many PREVIOUS times Little Johnny had been passed over for employment and even went as far as to explain why!!  (Further verifying our decision to pass on the kid too).

It should also be noted that all of these " kids" were in their mid to late 20's and were college graduates.
 
2013-02-13 12:59:50 PM

Source4leko: DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.

Congratulations on creating someone who won't function at all once you are gone!  My grandparents died last year and my 63 year old father has no idea what to do with his life, since he never cut the apron strings, and this was basically the attitude they had.  When they died he essentially had a complete breakdown, despite not working at the time, which meant that I as a 24 year old had to handle all of our families affairs.  Also he now begs money off my mom since they continued to 'pay' him for working at their company they sold 30 years ago, despite him not really working and mostly watching TV then.  I barely respect my father because of all of this, since I had to pretty much teach myself what it meant to be an adult, since I only had a horrible example to look to.  I guess a negative example is better than no example, but it was pretty sad to realize at 10 that I wanted to be nothing like my dad because he wasn't really an adult.  He is a very intelligent and educated man, but because his parents pretty much handled all of his affairs his entire life he no longer has a life.  So you have this to look forward to with your kid.

/maybe I got trolled



Naw, you trolled yourself by jumping to a bunch of unsupported conclusions based on your own apparently miserable life. One of the things your dad didn't teach you is that only a fool deals in absolutes. You can protect a child without fighting their battles and you can give a kid direction without taking the wheel. There is a middle ground between dropping your naked child off in the wilderness and cutting a grown man's steak for him. Thinking that those are the only options is a sign of immaturity. Maybe you didn't raise yourself as well as you seem to think you did.
 
2013-02-13 01:02:19 PM
And I'm going to go ahead and say this. I am a department head. I have interviewed and hired many people. To all those who are claiming that a parent called or e-mailed them to inquire about their child, unless you work retail, I'm going to go ahead and say that I think you're lying like shiat. I call shenanigans.
 
2013-02-13 01:03:18 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: Source4leko: DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.

Congratulations on creating someone who won't function at all once you are gone!  My grandparents died last year and my 63 year old father has no idea what to do with his life, since he never cut the apron strings, and this was basically the attitude they had.  When they died he essentially had a complete breakdown, despite not working at the time, which meant that I as a 24 year old had to handle all of our families affairs.  Also he now begs money off my mom since they continued to 'pay' him for working at their company they sold 30 years ago, despite him not really working and mostly watching TV then.  I barely respect my father because of all of this, since I had to pretty much teach myself what it meant to be an adult, since I only had a horrible example to look to.  I guess a negative example is better than no example, but it was pretty sad to realize at 10 that I wanted to be nothing like my dad because he wasn't really an adult.  He is a very intelligent and educated man, but because his parents pretty much handled all of his affairs his entire life he no longer has a life.  So you have this to look forward to with your kid.

/maybe I got trolled


Naw, you trolled yourself by jumping to a bunch of unsupported conclusions based on your own apparently miserable life. One of the things your dad didn't teach you is that only a fool deals in absolutes. You can protect a child without fighting their battles and you can give a kid direction without taking the wheel. There is a middle ground between dropping your naked child off in the wilderness and cutting a grown man's steak for him. Thinking that those are the only options is a sign of immaturity. Maybe you didn't raise yourself as well as you seem to think you did.


Yep.  I am sure your kid will be different, and you will avoid all of these mistakes.  After all, they are your precious little snowflake.
 
2013-02-13 01:05:52 PM

somedude210: JohnAnnArbor: JohnAnnArbor: somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?

Probably.  I'm early 40s.  When I was a college freshman, the cafeteria jobs were gone by the first day of classes.  A few years later, the same jobs would go unfilled all year.  I asked an underclassman who constantly complained about lacking cash about taking one of those; she was HORRIFIED at the idea of lowering herself to work food service.

I should add, I noticed a lot more "parental involvement" in general at the same time.  (Some can be good, to be clear; I mean the toxic kind.)

Last year, we needed a fourth roommate so we didn't get stuck with another random for our on-campus apartment, so I offered it to a kid I kinda knew (we talked in  class a bit, nothing major) so my other two roommates agreed and we got him in with us for last year. After about a month post-move in, the dude kinda became the butt of our jokes. He was incredibly creepy (just appearing at our doorways and staring for a couple of minutes before saying anything) and socially inept sometimes (like most engineers, really...okay, slightly aspie engineers) I only met his mother a couple of times and she was on his case about everything. My parents dropped my shiat off when I moved in and left as soon as the car was unloaded. Same with the other two. This kid though, shiat, his mother insisted that they stay and make sure he's "all moved in" and everything. Dude lived closer to campus than I did (~45 minutes)

Towards the end of the year, one of my roommates and I were preparing for our senior design presentation, and were understandably stressed for the 2 weeks prior. Creepy kid got on our nerves with everything, especially the classes that we had together. Dude got pissed at me for something (I think I told him to "fark off" for deliberately pushing my buttons). So he sends me this 6 page manifesto t ...


manifesto or it didn't happen.
 
2013-02-13 01:06:00 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: And I'm going to go ahead and say this. I am a department head. I have interviewed and hired many people. To all those who are claiming that a parent called or e-mailed them to inquire about their child, unless you work retail, I'm going to go ahead and say that I think you're lying like shiat. I call shenanigans.


A more reasonable person would count his blessings.  You can know what they are, but you can't know who's lying.
 
2013-02-13 01:06:44 PM

damageddude: This year our son's school (he is in middle school) switched to a system where grades are posted throughout the semester online on a parents portal. These include grades for quizzes, tests, reports etc. which is actually pretty nice as we don't have to go through the pulling teeth to get grades from him etc. The first time I logged on, I set it up so we would get weekly emails so we wouldn't have to log in. After about 8 weeks we received a note from our son's homeroom teacher noting that we hadn't logged onto the parents portal in awhile and it was imperative to log on to track grades. I went back on, figuring there was something I missed when I set up the emails. Nope, just Big Brother upset we weren't being proper helicopter parents.


I have the opposite problem, I can't get the school to inform me of anything until it's been an issue for 6 weeks and requires administrative intervention, or that farking robo dialer they have that has to call 4 or 5 times to let me know my 6 year old didn't show up for school even though I called them to tell them he'd be out.
 
2013-02-13 01:07:01 PM
God damn I'm glad that online grade thing didn't exist when I was going to school. Both my parents are great, but neither of them went past grade 5 so they didn't have any idea how to help me at all in school(believe me I asked for help a few times) . They had no idea what I did at school past grade 4, but I knew enough to buckle down and get shiat done if my grades slipped.
 
2013-02-13 01:13:06 PM

BarkingUnicorn: DROxINxTHExWIND: And I'm going to go ahead and say this. I am a department head. I have interviewed and hired many people. To all those who are claiming that a parent called or e-mailed them to inquire about their child, unless you work retail, I'm going to go ahead and say that I think you're lying like shiat. I call shenanigans.

A more reasonable person would count his blessings.  You can know what they are, but you can't know who's lying.


I don't know who is lying and never clamied too. I'm just giving my opinion.
 
2013-02-13 01:15:09 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.


And what thanks will you get? He'll put you in the crooked nursing home they showed on 60 Minutes and he'll never write or call.
 
2013-02-13 01:15:39 PM

Fizpez: PS that wasnt directed at you - just explaining why they want to make sure they can at least say "Well, we tried..."


No problem. And we love the program -- like any child our son sometimes "forgets" to tell us things. I was just perplexed that we got a letter home dinging us for not logging on more often when I get a weekly email summary that I can read at work Monday morning.

/wish they included upcoming assignments, hate that "it's Sunday night and I need x, y & z for my project due tomorrow
 
2013-02-13 01:19:12 PM

Source4leko: Yep. I am sure your kid will be different, and you will avoid all of these mistakes. After all, they are your precious little snowflake.


Part of guiding a child is teaching him how to act independently while feeling safe.

My child is precious to me. I'm sorry you weren't precious to your parents. That's not sarcasm, that's real pity.

My kids aren't of an age where they should have to deal with the bullshiat adults throw around. Like I told my son when he got into a fight on the bus a couple months back, when it comes to that zero tolerance bullshiat you worry about the kid throwing punches and I'll worry about the adults. Hit him back if you have to and don't pull your punches.

I'm sure these unrealistically absurd parents exist somewhere, but I've never seen them.
 
2013-02-13 01:20:07 PM

CtrlAltDestroy: grinding_journalist: olapbill: we prefer the term trebuchet .

While it's an easy mistake to make, trebuchets and catapults are different things. If you're using it as a verb, trebuchets catapult objects, but as a noun, they're different.

Um, no. A trebuchet is a type of catapult. It's like toads and frogs. All trebuchets are catapults but not all catapults are trebuchets.


and if they are made of wood they are witches.
not the toads and frogs. They are more like ducks.
just weigh the biatch already.
 
2013-02-13 01:24:49 PM

somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?


Just because you're part of the generation you're criticizing doesn't make you any less wrong than the older generations.
 
2013-02-13 01:27:27 PM

grinding_journalist: CtrlAltDestroy: Um, no. A trebuchet is a type of catapult. It's like toads and frogs. All trebuchets are catapults but not all catapults are trebuchets.

Huh. I'd always thought that the difference was that trebs used a counterweight to generate the throwing force, while catapults were traction powered- and by and large this seems to be the case, but really the difference is semantic, in that a catapult catapults objects, and trebs are a type, as you said. Most of the images and examples I can find of "catapults" are traction powered, with trebuchets, while still catapults, are listed separately.

/something new every day


Catapults are, simply speaking, devices that fire a projectile without the aid of explosives. Slingshots, for example, are catapults. The one that most people think of when someone says "catapult" is the mangonel and/or  onager. That's only one type of midevil siege engine. The 3 most "common" types are the trebuchet, mangonel, and the ballista.

The mangonel used a single skein  torsion spring to move its arm. They started with spoon like buckets at the end of the arm. Eventually they used small slings. The sling types are more commonly called onagers.

The ballista used dual skein torsion springs to move a pair of arms with a cable pulled taut in between. The fired missiles instead of a ball (or ball like objects) and were basically large crossbows.

The most powerful trebuchets used a large counterweight at the short end of a fulcrum to give massive amounts of leverage. These were the battlefield monsters. They had huge ranges, could throw boulders, and were well guarded. If they weren't throwing projectiles to destroy walls they were throwing diseased animals over the walls for early biological warfare.

Modern trebuchets sometimes use strong steel springs as their source of energy. Other modern types change the way that they use a counterweight. Floating arm trebs are very efficient and have a huge size and weight to range ratio.

Look up pumpkin chunkin' documentaries if you want to see cool modern catapults.

/I like building siege engines
 
2013-02-13 01:33:11 PM

cig-mkr: evaned: cig-mkr: At what point does it stop, or do the helicopter parents continue when the child is employed too?

It's not hard to find stories of employers talking about getting calls from parents of job candidates or rejected candidates. Needless to say, if it's a pre-decision, it usually doesn't impress the employer.

Evidently I've been retired too long, that applicants form would hit the file 13 circular file right quick.
Like I really want to hire someone that never cut the apron string.


...thus dooming the candidate to hug his momma's apron strings even more.

I bet you half the time these candidates don't even know their parents called. They made the mistake of telling them they got an interview.
 
2013-02-13 01:33:13 PM
I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?

But I recently remembered something from my own childhood: notes and newsletters that my school would give me (and all the students) to bring home to our parents on a regular basis. A lot of these newsletters were mass-produced, and they were packed with "parenting tips" of the sort that a helicopter parent could appreciate. I was a bit of a precocious child, enough to read them on the bus home, and enough to use a version of what they said in arguments with my non-helicopter parents (a slightly twisted version -come on, I was seven years old- but a recognizable one).

But I've been wondering: what if I wasn't so precocious aftere all? What if the other kids were reading these too, and assimilating their ideas -which were very appealing to a kid, let me tell you- into their own nascent thoughts about raising kids? Twenty years later, the model espoused in these pamphlets has been thoroughly discredited, but it's already ingrained in the minds of a generation of young parents, who will pass the model onto their children simply by practicing it.
 
2013-02-13 01:34:40 PM
This is one of the reasons why, while I would love to one day teach high school physics (It was my HS physics teacher that made me realize I loved physics), my plan is to wait until after I retire from whatever job I get to do it.

Because the kids, I think I could handle, but I am certain I would *murder* a parent. (Well, OK, not really, but jesus.)

/The other reasons are "It would be difficult to raise a family with that as the sole income" and "I really don't feel like getting ANOTHER degree just to teach once I've got my Ph.D."
 
2013-02-13 01:38:43 PM
aevorea:
The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK.

I saw something similar on Reddit... in the few hours after a teacher posted that a parent was logging in hundreds of times a week, the parent had logged in >70 more times.  Insane.
 
2013-02-13 01:39:53 PM

talulahgosh: manifesto or it didn't happen.


I kinda wished I kept it. It was special in a derpy sorta way. My roommates and I all had a good laugh at his expense
 
2013-02-13 01:40:56 PM

IlGreven: somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?

Just because you're part of the generation you're criticizing doesn't make you any less wrong than the older generations.


myself personally or my generation?
 
2013-02-13 01:52:26 PM

Glendale: miss diminutive: In university I actually received a telephone call from one of my roommate's mothers who yelled at me for a) trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month and b) not taking her daughter along on during our last grocery trip.

Not surprisingly, my roommate was a psycho hose-beast.

Please tell me you told the mom to fark off and gave the roommate extra garbage duty.


Honestly, it wasn't worth the effort. You know when you can just tell that arguing with someone will simply go nowhere because they aren't operating from any sort of logical reasoning but just reacting on pure emotion? That was this girl's mother. She was going almost ballistic because I was forcing her child to walk to the edge of the curb at night with a heavy garbage bin and risk being raped, kidnapped or otherwise eaten by a grue. I just thanked her for her input and told her it was designed to be fair; everyone had to take equal risk at being raped in a heap of garbage. That didn't go over well so I just told her I'd talk it over with her daughter and then hung up. This was simply episode #117 in the hit series "Holy trippin balls your mother is insane".

It was just easier to let it slide and then assign her some other chore, vacuuming I think. I sort of felt sorry for the girl, she basically had no coping skills whatsoever (big surprise) and every problem was a crisis of monumental proportions. She flunked out once she started dating a guy who essentially took over the role of telling her what to do and what to be upset about. Last I heard she was working in a factory making car seats.
 
2013-02-13 01:52:38 PM

Too Pretty For Prison: miss diminutive: In university I actually received a telephone call from one of my roommate's mothers who yelled at me for a) trying to institute an unfair "chore wheel" which would require her daughter to take out the garbage once a month and b) not taking her daughter along on during our last grocery trip.

Not surprisingly, my roommate was a psycho hose-beast.

Why wait until college?  I sent out invitations for my son's 8th birthday party a few months ago.  One of the moms emailed me back and suggested I have the party somewhere besides the laser tag sports arena my son chose.  She didn't want her son playing "war games" and "learning to kill other boys with guns".  I tried to be cool and said it was already in stone, so too bad.  She started sending me emails with alternative places I could hold the party.  The last straw came when she hit "reply to all" with my original invite and asked the other parents if they would be happy with her choice (a place called Bounce-U) over my choice.  Her email went on to say "Dave (that's me) is a member of the PTO and should be setting a better example for our young children to follow...".  I returned the favor and hit reply to all with this "Fark you, Michelle.  The party is at Sports Fusion.  Everyone but your little snowflake is invited."  Aside from Michelle, I had 100% attendance.  They're still buzzing over that one.


[internethighfive.jpg]

Holy shiat, that's chutzpah.
 
2013-02-13 02:08:00 PM

ThighsofGlory: DROxINxTHExWIND: You can call me whatever you want as a parent. I don't give a shiat. Out of the billions of people on this planet there is ONE who came from me. I'll do whatever I can to protect him and give him guidence.

And what thanks will you get? He'll put you in the crooked nursing home they showed on 60 Minutes and he'll never write or call.


If I die in a nursing home I'm gonna come back and haunt the shiat out of him and his family. I'm clanging chains, knocking pictures off of walls, and doing shiat that will make his dog bark down dark hallways.
 
2013-02-13 02:23:01 PM
FTA: "But college students are adults and they need to be learning how to be adults, which means solving heir own problems. If we don't give them the opportunity to do that, we really are taking something away from them."

A) I'm not a fan of helicopter parenting.

B) Considering how long on average it takes children to become financially independent (truly financially independent) of their parents in this country, I'd argue they are hardly "adults"- even at that age.  Am I blaming society?  Possibly.  Mostly I'm just pointing out that it's more than just parents who may have a vested interest in keeping the young "under thumb".

C) "Learning to solve my own problems", being responsible, and all that is honestly something you should be deeply involved in learning well before college age.  I started around age nine-to-twelve as a for instance, and I had that crap more or less under control before I was sixteen.
 
2013-02-13 02:40:26 PM

Joe Blowme: As opposed to helicopter government, i wonder which spawned the other... like a chicken or teh egg thing


The first generation of helicoptered kids are now IN government, as are the generation of adults who were their parents. The idea that people are so precious they can't be allowed to decide for themselves has been building for about 30 years, and now we're reaping the rewards.
 
2013-02-13 02:44:22 PM

somedude210: Just curious but is there a link between helicopter parents, special snowflake syndrome and why my generation (24) is a bunch of do-nothing crybabies?


Maybe, but that may be a function of age, more than anything else. As a Gen-X'er, I recall many of my peers back in the early-90's as being pretty worthless. Most of them have grown up in the last 20 years.....
 
2013-02-13 02:53:48 PM

olapbill: grinding_journalist: I will provide the legally required amount of care for my child, until their 18th birthday. Then, it's the catapult.

we prefer the term trebuchet .


A trebuchet and a catapult are different siege weapons. I still want a trebuchet in my back yard, but I am fairly certain that it would be against city ordinance or something.

/gotta keep the neighbors in line somehow
 
2013-02-13 02:54:47 PM

grinding_journalist: I will provide the legally required amount of care for my child, until their 18th birthday. Then, it's the catapult.


What if your kid is still in High School? I turned 18 a few months prior to graduation; and my parents didn't have a problem with me sticking around for awhile...

/ seems a bit disruptive to not gradually transition the kid to independence..
 
2013-02-13 02:58:42 PM

Farce-Side: T.M.S.: Tremolo: A girl I knew growing up, extremely nice and talented, had the terrible combination of helicopter parents and a stage mother. This woman had wormed her way into every facet of her daughter's life and it was pretty creepy to witness. There were a few instances of the girl acting out as high school came along and I had the feeling that you could draw a straight line from the mother's pressure right to the daughter's behavior.

After a few years of college out of state I heard that the girl had cut off contact with the mother, and a few months ago I actually read in the paper that the girl got a restraining order, about 10 years too late. There's nothing good about helicopter parents. It wouldn't bother me how pathetic they are if they weren't so goddamn damaging to their kids.

I know how this ended. Once she got away the stage mom focused on your friends sister. Who admittedly became a stripper. But the best and most famous stripper ever.

Isn't that the plot to "Almost Famous"?  Or am I thinking of the porn parody of said film?


More the plot of the musical Gypsy. Which is porn parody to some people.

Almost Famous is the autobiographical story of a young journalist on the road with a 70's rock band.
 
2013-02-13 03:09:53 PM

No Such Agency: aevorea:
The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK.

I saw something similar on Reddit... in the few hours after a teacher posted that a parent was logging in hundreds of times a week, the parent had logged in >70 more times.  Insane.


Sounds like OCD.  I've seen it with Facebook...
 
2013-02-13 03:10:58 PM

damageddude: This year our son's school (he is in middle school) switched to a system where grades are posted throughout the semester online on a parents portal. These include grades for quizzes, tests, reports etc. which is actually pretty nice as we don't have to go through the pulling teeth to get grades from him etc. The first time I logged on, I set it up so we would get weekly emails so we wouldn't have to log in. After about 8 weeks we received a note from our son's homeroom teacher noting that we hadn't logged onto the parents portal in awhile and it was imperative to log on to track grades. I went back on, figuring there was something I missed when I set up the emails. Nope, just Big Brother upset we weren't being proper helicopter parents.


Parent portals suck! It's going to take me longer than 24 hours to grade 160 3-page papers. BACK OFF!
 
2013-02-13 03:20:51 PM
Helicopter parenting is sIilly but some young people can be incredibly stupid about the way the working world works.

I interview well over 300 recent design school graduates every year for potential employment. Just last month we were forced to add in big fat letters at the top of the interview conformation email "MAKE SURE YOUR PORTFOLIO IS PRESENTABLE IN A VIEWABLE FORMAT. YOU WILL NOT BE GIVEN ACCESS TO OUR WIFI AND I WILL NOT WAIT WHILE YOU FIDDLE WITH YOUR COMPUTER.  PORTFOLIOS ON AN iPAD ARE FINE AS LONG AS THEY ARE READY TO VIEW. PORTFOLIOS ON POORLY DESIGNED OR MALFUNCTIONING  WEBSITES WILL BE IGNORED. PORTFOLIOS ON PHONES WILL BE RIDICULED.

We still get a couple idiots a week who act all pissed off when they find out these rules actually apply to them.

And don't get me started on the inappropriate emails I get from kids when they don't get hired.
 
2013-02-13 03:37:32 PM

cettin: No Such Agency: aevorea:
The school district that I work at uses an online portal so that parents can track their child's progress. One day, a fellow teacher and I were going over the Parent Portal stats and saw that one of our students' parents had logged in 300 times. IN ONE WEEK.

I saw something similar on Reddit... in the few hours after a teacher posted that a parent was logging in hundreds of times a week, the parent had logged in >70 more times.  Insane.

Sounds like OCD.  I've seen it with Facebook...


Or like a poor implementation of refresh.
 
2013-02-13 03:42:54 PM
What's sad is when you get the reverse: Parents who could not care less about their kids' performance at school. Kids who are absolutely failing or with behavioral problems and the teachers schedule parent-teacher meetings and the parents cancel repeatedly at the last minute or don't even bother to show up. Or parents with special-needs kids who can't be bothered to come to IEP sessions--which they have to, because the IEP can't go forward without the parents' approval. And when the kid fails or has to be suspended or expelled, they're totally oblivious to any problems, or blame it on other students' bad influence.

Other side of the same coin?
 
2013-02-13 03:52:55 PM

T.M.S.: Farce-Side: T.M.S.: Tremolo: A girl I knew growing up, extremely nice and talented, had the terrible combination of helicopter parents and a stage mother. This woman had wormed her way into every facet of her daughter's life and it was pretty creepy to witness. There were a few instances of the girl acting out as high school came along and I had the feeling that you could draw a straight line from the mother's pressure right to the daughter's behavior.

After a few years of college out of state I heard that the girl had cut off contact with the mother, and a few months ago I actually read in the paper that the girl got a restraining order, about 10 years too late. There's nothing good about helicopter parents. It wouldn't bother me how pathetic they are if they weren't so goddamn damaging to their kids.

I know how this ended. Once she got away the stage mom focused on your friends sister. Who admittedly became a stripper. But the best and most famous stripper ever.

Isn't that the plot to "Almost Famous"?  Or am I thinking of the porn parody of said film?

More the plot of the musical Gypsy. Which is porn parody to some people.

Almost Famous is the autobiographical story of a young journalist on the road with a 70's rock band.


Oh yea, I remember now.  The girls in "Almost Famous" were still sluts though, so I guess it kind of relates.  The ones in the porn parody were also sluts.
 
2013-02-13 04:08:25 PM
The most useful parenting advice I ever received was let your kid make their own choices as early as they can.  For example, my kid is 1 1/2 and he chooses what to have  for breakfast, what vegetables for dinner, and what books to read before bed.  He's already showing a desire to choose his clothes and showing interest in the potty and doing simple chores - wiping up spills, helping with laundry.  I'll let him make more and more choices over the years, while still maintaining ultimate control, but the plan is to have an almost fully autonomous kid used to making decisions, most of them good, by the time he's in high school.  That's the plan anyway.  If I have a confident kid who doesn't freak out when he has choices and never calls mommy for help, I will consider myself a successful parent.

I don't understand the parents that still won't let their 5 year olds choose what to wear or an 8 year old that doesn't help around the house.
 
2013-02-13 04:12:13 PM
T.M.S.: ....... big fat letters at the top of the interview conformation email......


Hopefully this is in error......


/sorry HAD to
//once wrote a diatribe to Sears when they sent me an email referring to my upcoming "confermation" email (mostly because that was a canned auto response)
///not actually picking on you, this is fark, after all.

:)
 
2013-02-13 04:24:46 PM

Millennium: I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?


Alternate theory: Proliferation of information.
Mom and dad can find out what's happening in china instantly, let alone the local high school campus.  They receive amber alerts via text, have weather streaming on their phone, and can log into a profile and check their kid's grades.

"Don't talk to strangers" has turned into "If you see a maroon suburban stay 50 feet away or more"
"Take a sweater" is advice that can be given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, remotely.
"What did you learn in school today" is a rhetorical question as mom know knows what you did/did not learn and the extent to which you did/did not learn it.
 
2013-02-13 04:32:16 PM

mike_d85: Millennium: I used to wonder where helicopter parents learned it from. They've always existed in small numbers, but it has absolutely exploded in recent years. Most of these parents were not raised by helicopters, and even among those who were, most of their parents were not raised by helicopters. Why the sudden boom?

Alternate theory: Proliferation of information.
Mom and dad can find out what's happening in china instantly, let alone the local high school campus.  They receive amber alerts via text, have weather streaming on their phone, and can log into a profile and check their kid's grades.

"Don't talk to strangers" has turned into "If you see a maroon suburban stay 50 feet away or more"
"Take a sweater" is advice that can be given 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, remotely.
"What did you learn in school today" is a rhetorical question as mom know knows what you did/did not learn and the extent to which you did/did not learn it.


I'd also say this started around times when competition got a lot more fierce. This was first coined in 1969, right? Parents who were kids in the Great Depression wanted to make sure that there kids were want for nothing and to only climb higher up the social and economic ladders. Making sure they were in the right social groups. Making sure they were taking the right classes. We were in a Space Race at the time and science and math were greatly stressed and kids were competing to get into MIT more than ever. It just snowballed from there I think.
 
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