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(Flavorwire)   One more thing about the Internet that Hollywood cannot get right: how online dating really works   (flavorwire.com) divider line 108
    More: Obvious, Hollywood, internet, Sleepless in Seattle, Nora Ephron, hard candies, missed connection, Meg Ryan, sex drives  
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4249 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Feb 2013 at 10:39 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-13 10:46:52 AM  
What, you think they're going to take the time to research and portray something accurately when they can distill it down into easy-to-portray stereotypes meant to evoke a specific response from the audience?
 
2013-02-13 10:47:46 AM  
Normal online dating is boring as f*ck. Why would they make a movie about people emailing each other about movies they like?
 
2013-02-13 10:48:42 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-13 10:49:38 AM  
Have you done any online dating? Sorting through the volume of precious snowflakes is tedious at best.
 
2013-02-13 10:55:18 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: Normal online dating is boring as f*ck. Why would they make a movie about people emailing each other about movies they like?


Exactly, it has nothing to do with Hollywood getting it right or wrong.

Reality is boring and Hollywood isn't out to make boring movies (arguable), get over it people.
 
2013-02-13 10:55:30 AM  

BarleyGnome: Have you done any online dating? Sorting through the volume of precious snowflakes is tedious at best.


I've noticed many women searching a man so perfect, that no man living in the multiverse could fit it.

/ Yes, I said multiverse, not universe.
// Yes, it really is that bad.
 
2013-02-13 10:57:22 AM  
Wow. TFA took a lot of words to say, movies aren't reality, and of they were, in most cases they wouldn't be as entertaining.
 
2013-02-13 10:59:50 AM  

BarleyGnome: Have you done any online dating? Sorting through the volume of precious snowflakes is tedious at best.


The tedious part for me is the repeated cliches people (in this case, women) tend to use. And more often they are not, they are utterly meaningless.

- I have (x) children and they are my world!
- I love to laugh
- I'm looking for a MAN

And I don't know why, but the idiotic affirmation "live, laugh, love" makes my blood boil.
 
2013-02-13 10:59:54 AM  

BarleyGnome: Have you done any online dating? Sorting through the volume of precious snowflakes is tedious at best.


Not really, though we did meet online.

/common interests and all that
 
2013-02-13 11:01:31 AM  

MightyPez: BarleyGnome: Have you done any online dating? Sorting through the volume of precious snowflakes is tedious at best.

The tedious part for me is the repeated cliches people (in this case, women) tend to use. And more often they are not, they are utterly meaningless.

- I have (x) children and they are my world!
- I love to laugh
- I'm looking for a MAN

And I don't know why, but the idiotic affirmation "live, laugh, love" makes my blood boil.


is MAN a code word for sugar daddy?

/or are they really that scared of lesbians?
 
2013-02-13 11:03:25 AM  
Meg Ryan's Kathleen Kelly (screen name: "Shopgirl") and Tom Hanks' Joe Fox ("NY152") fire up their modems to ping e-mails at each other.

All of these films would inevitably play out differently in today's age of online dating and social media


But... wait... what?
 
2013-02-13 11:04:19 AM  

thisone: is MAN a code word for sugar daddy?

/or are they really that scared of lesbians?


I always got the feeling that it was "I want a man, not a boy" but since the ones that say that are often adults still working some shiatty part time job because they can't get their life together, it could go both ways. It would just be a tad disingenuous to expect someone to meet an expectation they themselves can't seem get to.
 
2013-02-13 11:05:32 AM  
I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???
 
2013-02-13 11:07:29 AM  
I really enjoy reading about how these independent women enjoy a full day of kayaking, rock climbing and running triathlons, while also writing eco/enviro  policy for a non-profit in DC. Oh, and they have a dog you must love. Oh, and they travel three or four times a year.
 
2013-02-13 11:14:13 AM  
Remember when online dating, never use your real name, make sure they are over 18 and before talking money make sure they aren't  law enforcement.
 
2013-02-13 11:16:29 AM  
Tragic Comedy is a tough genre to re-create.
 
2013-02-13 11:19:25 AM  

47 is the new 42: I've noticed many women searching a man so perfect, that no man living in the multiverse could fit it.


I have a coworker who pretty much gave up online dating because of that. He says that, in the last ten years, because of an ever increasing male-to-female ratio on dating websites, women felt the right to be extremely picky. This guy is pretty much a very good catch. Good looking, a nice body, a well-paying job, smart, interresting, cultivated, dresses very well... he once got rejected once during the first date, because although he had the right hair coloour, the girl was looking for someone with green eyes.
Yeps, although he did fit all of her criteria but this ridiculous one, she rejected him because he was not absolutely 100% perfect for her.
 
2013-02-13 11:29:43 AM  

padraig: 47 is the new 42: I've noticed many women searching a man so perfect, that no man living in the multiverse could fit it.

I have a coworker who pretty much gave up online dating because of that. He says that, in the last ten years, because of an ever increasing male-to-female ratio on dating websites, women felt the right to be extremely picky. This guy is pretty much a very good catch. Good looking, a nice body, a well-paying job, smart, interresting, cultivated, dresses very well... he once got rejected once during the first date, because although he had the right hair coloour, the girl was looking for someone with green eyes.
Yeps, although he did fit all of her criteria but this ridiculous one, she rejected him because he was not absolutely 100% perfect for her.


I've dated this kind of girl.  After a while they'll finally wise up and come crawling back to you because the "perfect guy" they want doesn't want anything to do with them and you are obviously the best they can do. Always a pleasure add insult to injury and tell them to fark off.

One girl, after our date, wrote on her very public blog that she would reject me if I asked her out again. I guess she assumed I didn't know how to use google. A year later we run into each other and she starts hardcore flirting with me.  I just turned my back to her and walked away.
 
2013-02-13 11:30:59 AM  

doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???


I think it's the fact that the space bar doesn't exist that annoys me.
 
2013-02-13 11:31:06 AM  
I've largely found online dating to be a mix of the following (female-wise):

-those who need a bigger/better market to select from (snowflakes)
-those who need a bigger market because nobody local wants them (losers)
-those who need easier access to the market in general (tourists)

The snowflakes seem to be split into two main groups.  There's the type that use online dating as a quality filter; basically there are few men that would ever be good enough for them, so they need the enlarged dating pool of the internet to meet Mr. Perfect (or, rather, Mr. Good Enough).  The second type of snowflake is the super niche type.  You know, those people so...unique...that their market is pretty small.  Again, it's a supply & demand thing: if you're only into 6'6 blonde hipsters with phoenix tattoos who listen to deathmetal, you kind of need the internet, as even WITH the internet you've got a small dating pool.  So of the snowflakes group, both are of the "can't find what I want nearby, so I'm going online" type.

Desperate losers are, well, just that.  It's not that their standards are high, it's that nobody nearby wants them, and they're hoping SOMEONE out there might find them appealing.  So basically, the flipside of the snowflakes group - they need a bigger marketplace.  Note that some people go online because they just suck at regular dating and need the extra security/control that online dating brings.  I'm grouping them with the losers due to the fact that they either couldn't handle, or weren't wanted, by the local dating scene.

Finally, there's the "tourists".  I'm going to group a whole bunch of different types of people in here.  There's the *actual* tourists, such as exchange students, backpackers, temporary foreign workers, and visitors of all kinds, people new in town, etc.  Dating around is actually a pretty great way to get to know a city - you'll go to all the best spots & try all the best activities.  Also, online dating largely bypasses the language issue; most visitors have some command of English but might not be confident enough to start talking to strangers on the bus - online exchanges give them the time to compose their replies.
 
2013-02-13 11:31:33 AM  

FoxKelfonne: What, you think they're going to take the time to research and portray something accurately when they can distill it down into easy-to-portray stereotypes meant to evoke a specific response from the audience?


We also would have accepted: "Because it's the movies"
 
2013-02-13 11:32:57 AM  

BarleyGnome: I really enjoy reading about how these independent women enjoy a full day of kayaking, rock climbing and running triathlons, while also writing eco/enviro  policy for a non-profit in DC. Oh, and they have a dog you must love. Oh, and they travel three or four times a year.


I see you were on match.com. seriously, everyone did a ridiculous amount of outdoor activities.
 
2013-02-13 11:36:15 AM  
Boss:  We need an article on online dating.  Make it feel really long and ramble around a lot.
Writer:  No problem.
 
2013-02-13 11:37:07 AM  
Hollywood doesn't portray realistic online dating for the same reason it doesn't portray realistic blind dates and people meeting through newspaper personal ads.

Basically, two people putting out notices, thinking they might be compatible from reading those notices, having a phone conversation or two, then setting up a date and deciding whether they like each other enough to continue from there, is a fairly effective way to meet people and not prone to a lot of complications or inherent drama.  In other words,  extremely boring to watch.
 
2013-02-13 11:37:47 AM  
Online dating favors women.  Because of this the women are more picky and put in far less effort than the men.

As others have said, women often have shopping lists of what they want in a man.  I'm very certain that I was rejected by one particular woman for not having any tattoos or piercings.

The other thing I've noticed is that the vast majority of women will say 'I wont reply to one line messages.  Say 'Hi, fancy a chat?' and you wont hear from me'.  Guys are supposed to read the girls profile and then compose a witty message showing humor, an interest in the girls personality and confidence.  But guess what, out of the 5 women that have messaged me since using these, their messages were no more than 'Hi, want to chat?'.  So the men have to make a ton of effort but the women just expect to be able to reel a guy in without showing any interest in them at all.

Then again, in some ways this can mirror real life so I suppose really, us guys should expect this kind of attitude.  The one advantage the real life has is that women tend to forget their shopping lists if you can charm them a little.  Online, can't charm them until you get past the shopping list.  I've said to every guy that has asked me about online dating that it should always be a last resort.  If you run out of women to meet in real life, go online.  Don't ever go online first.

Basically, guys, have a thick skin when online dating and don't take anything personally.
 
2013-02-13 11:38:30 AM  

doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke. Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???


Nope, Hollywood computers always seem pretty accurate to me. BTW, I just entered your Fark handle into my PC, and instantly called up your driving record, last known address and a rotating, 3-dimensional image of your head.
 
2013-02-13 11:39:44 AM  

BarleyGnome: I really enjoy reading about how these independent women enjoy a full day of kayaking, rock climbing and running triathlons, while also writing eco/enviro  policy for a non-profit in DC. Oh, and they have a dog you must love. Oh, and they travel three or four times a year.


Sign me up!
 
2013-02-13 11:44:01 AM  

Barricaded Gunman: doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke. Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???

Nope, Hollywood computers always seem pretty accurate to me. BTW, I just entered your Fark handle into my PC, and instantly called up your driving record, last known address and a rotating, 3-dimensional image of your head.


Enhance.  Enhance.  Look at that reflection in the puddle.  Enhance... BAH GAWD.  You're the murderer!
 
2013-02-13 12:00:23 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: Online dating favors women.  Because of this the women are more picky and put in far less effort than the men.

As others have said, women often have shopping lists of what they want in a man.  I'm very certain that I was rejected by one particular woman for not having any tattoos or piercings.

The other thing I've noticed is that the vast majority of women will say 'I wont reply to one line messages.  Say 'Hi, fancy a chat?' and you wont hear from me'.  Guys are supposed to read the girls profile and then compose a witty message showing humor, an interest in the girls personality and confidence.  But guess what, out of the 5 women that have messaged me since using these, their messages were no more than 'Hi, want to chat?'.  So the men have to make a ton of effort but the women just expect to be able to reel a guy in without showing any interest in them at all.

Then again, in some ways this can mirror real life so I suppose really, us guys should expect this kind of attitude.  The one advantage the real life has is that women tend to forget their shopping lists if you can charm them a little.  Online, can't charm them until you get past the shopping list.  I've said to every guy that has asked me about online dating that it should always be a last resort.  If you run out of women to meet in real life, go online.  Don't ever go online first.

Basically, guys, have a thick skin when online dating and don't take anything personally.



A lot of valid points here and I would have totally agreed with you for several years.  I found nothing but intensely picky people and "one-date-wonders".  My current girlfriend actually "approached" me online first and asked me out a few days later.  We have been together a year now and I honestly couldn't be happier.  YMMV of course.

/perhaps the future Mrs Fawkes
//
 
2013-02-13 12:06:24 PM  

doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???


Yes  http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeepingComputers
 
2013-02-13 12:23:12 PM  

GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???

Yes  http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeepingComputers



What about all the TV shows and movies where working on a computer involves furiously typing on the keyboard and never once touching the mouse?
 
2013-02-13 12:27:25 PM  
http://www.playbill.com/news/article/161218-First-Date-New-Musical-St a rring-Eric-Ankrim-and-Kelly-Karbacz-Opens-in-Seattle-March-29

Broadway will get it right. Or at least sing about it. Which will make it more tolerable to some.
 
2013-02-13 12:31:53 PM  

Robert Farker: GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???

Yes  http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeepingComputers


What about all the TV shows and movies where working on a computer involves furiously typing on the keyboard and never once touching the mouse?


Efficient workflows barely use a mouse.  Keyboard shortcuts are faster.
 
2013-02-13 12:31:58 PM  

GuyFawkes: A lot of valid points here and I would have totally agreed with you for several years.  I found nothing but intensely picky people and "one-date-wonders".  My current girlfriend actually "approached" me online first and asked me out a few days later.  We have been together a year now and I honestly couldn't be happier.  YMMV of course.

/perhaps the future Mrs Fawkes


It's stories like yours that are the reason I haven't given up on it yet.  I'll carry on and hopefully meet someone I click with.

To be fair, I have so far met up with 3 girls from online and I haven't had a bad date yet.  I have no horror stories to tell so it's not like this has been a nightmare experience for me.  Just a bit disappointing more than anything really.
 
2013-02-13 12:48:47 PM  

Robert Farker: GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: doczoidberg: I would be happy just to see Hollywood make a movie in which someone is shown using a computer, and the godddamn monitor doesn't bleep with every keystroke.

Does this bother anyone else? The friggin' computer noises in movies???

Yes  http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BeepingComputers


What about all the TV shows and movies where working on a computer involves furiously typing on the keyboard and never once touching the mouse?


EMACS users. Every single one of them
 
2013-02-13 12:52:08 PM  
I know two couples who have been together for a decade or more after having met online.

But I know a lot of couples.
 
2013-02-13 12:54:49 PM  

The sound of one hand clapping: GuyFawkes: A lot of valid points here and I would have totally agreed with you for several years.  I found nothing but intensely picky people and "one-date-wonders".  My current girlfriend actually "approached" me online first and asked me out a few days later.  We have been together a year now and I honestly couldn't be happier.  YMMV of course.

/perhaps the future Mrs Fawkes

It's stories like yours that are the reason I haven't given up on it yet.  I'll carry on and hopefully meet someone I click with.

To be fair, I have so far met up with 3 girls from online and I haven't had a bad date yet.  I have no horror stories to tell so it's not like this has been a nightmare experience for me.  Just a bit disappointing more than anything really.


a friend's story:
Met online dating.
They attended a friend's wedding about 6 months later.
They booked the venue that day for in 18 month's time, but insisted they weren't engaged.

happy couple is happily married

What I've found, being a bit coy generally about how we met (playing Guild Wars), is that everyone knows someone who met their spouse or long term partner on line. An older guy was telling me the story of his son who met his wife online back in the early 90's, in an old school chat room.
 
2013-02-13 01:05:46 PM  

Lexx: I've largely found online dating to be a mix of the following (female-wise):

-those who need a bigger/better market to select from (snowflakes)
-those who need a bigger market because nobody local wants them (losers)
-those who need easier access to the market in general (tourists)

The snowflakes seem to be split into two main groups.  There's the type that use online dating as a quality filter; basically there are few men that would ever be good enough for them, so they need the enlarged dating pool of the internet to meet Mr. Perfect (or, rather, Mr. Good Enough).  The second type of snowflake is the super niche type.  You know, those people so...unique...that their market is pretty small.  Again, it's a supply & demand thing: if you're only into 6'6 blonde hipsters with phoenix tattoos who listen to deathmetal, you kind of need the internet, as even WITH the internet you've got a small dating pool.  So of the snowflakes group, both are of the "can't find what I want nearby, so I'm going online" type.

Desperate losers are, well, just that.  It's not that their standards are high, it's that nobody nearby wants them, and they're hoping SOMEONE out there might find them appealing.  So basically, the flipside of the snowflakes group - they need a bigger marketplace.  Note that some people go online because they just suck at regular dating and need the extra security/control that online dating brings.  I'm grouping them with the losers due to the fact that they either couldn't handle, or weren't wanted, by the local dating scene.

Finally, there's the "tourists".  I'm going to group a whole bunch of different types of people in here.  There's the *actual* tourists, such as exchange students, backpackers, temporary foreign workers, and visitors of all kinds, people new in town, etc.  Dating around is actually a pretty great way to get to know a city - you'll go to all the best spots & try all the best activities.  Also, online dating largely bypasses the language iss ...


I have found it to be a mix of the following.

Chicks I could bang the first night and chicks I didn't waste anymore time on.
 
2013-02-13 01:11:19 PM  
I met my wife before online dating was popular, and I'm a good people person regardless so I didn't need help.  However, I marvel at the capability and utility of using the internet for finding dates and even mates.  However, my pool of friends that have used it is limited, and so I probably have a skewed view of how it really works.

But my primary thought when clicking into TFA, based on experiences of friends, is that the MPAA ratings that would go along with the sexting wouldn't be worth the loss of market to the filmmakers and producers.  Holy crap, people send some explicit sh*t to strangers!

Also, while it definitely happens, women wouldn't go to see such films because they have to keep up the front of "I wouldn't do that... what adolescent boy wrote this crap?"  But get into your mid-30s-to-40s, ladies, and the field gets really competitive!
 
2013-02-13 01:20:32 PM  
i.imgur.com

/i knew there was a reason i was saving this
 
2013-02-13 01:59:07 PM  

MightyPez: And I don't know why, but the idiotic affirmation "live, laugh, love" makes my blood boil.


Amen.  It makes me want to do E. Honda's hundred-hand slap on the first woman I see and say "Eat. Pray. Love. This...beeyotch."

/not really...plus, I don't wear sumo outfits well
 
2013-02-13 02:07:34 PM  
Been there done that.. and married with someone that I did meet via a dating site, but not as expected.

I did the scene, met many women, and aside a few "flirts", there were a few that the short lived relationship was very limited without a future, but the number pales compared to the number of nutjobs that I met.

Many ranted on and on online and on the phone about their wants, their lives, themselves, etc. and when the day that the meeting would happen, it was like a huge castle of cards falling down... they either lieds about EVERYTHING or that they really didn't have a clue to what they wanted, with many still with too much baggage or were still hung up on their exes.

I didn't mind the "ex" talk as I had my own stories and I found that they were a good way to explore the other's psyche, to see how they talked about their experiences, etc.

But the fact was that I was technically the "perfect guy" aside that I had children (single dad with eventually full custody of three daughters, one with an handicap).  Basically a movie scenario.

And it freaked all these women, which would have swooned would they have been watching my story on a screen, but in reality, they panicked and freaked out.

In time I quit and took about 2 years away from that, then decided to give it another chance, this time, no 2-3 weeks of chats or phone... I made it clear that I had seen too much lies and games, and would insist to have a quick face to face.

Then one woman found an old profile I had forgotten about from years before, which did include a picture of me and my girls.

She was intrigued, contacted me, which I didn't have a clue where she got the info (I had forgotten about that profile)... and we meet by the end of the week after maybe 2 phone (quick ones) calls, and a bit of short chats.

That was over 12 years ago, which was... meeting of the Friday, her spending the weekend (the kids were on the weekend visits with the exes) at my place, we introduced the kids on the Sunday evening, we moved in together a month later, married a year and a half later.

If Hollywood wanted a insane story, they need to contact me.  Betcha that 99% of people would think that we'd be making stuff up.
 
2013-02-13 02:27:13 PM  

imfallen_angel: Then one woman found an old profile I had forgotten about from years before, which did include a picture of me and my girls.


By "girls"...do you mean balls?
 
2013-02-13 02:38:02 PM  

ingineervt: imfallen_angel: Then one woman found an old profile I had forgotten about from years before, which did include a picture of me and my girls.

By "girls"...do you mean balls?


Well while I expect this to be a low level attempt for a joke, nope... my daughters.... as per the mention of them and me with full custody in my short story there.
 
2013-02-13 02:39:06 PM  

imfallen_angel: Been there done that.. and married with someone that I did meet via a dating site, but not as expected.


My experience is not too far off from yours.  I was only the single dad for 2 years, had many "single/double serving relationships" before meeting someone that just made everything else seem pointless.  Never had introduced the kiddos to anyone else, introduced her to them after only 3 weeks (I'm extraordinarily cautious with my children's affection), and am happy to say that from the moment she walked into the room with them it has felt more like an actual family than it ever did with Mommy.  We get married June 1 of this year.

I found the primary benefit of online dating to be the ability to interact with people without having to go to a bar.  I could do it in my own time and as my scheduled allowed.  I think anyone with a strongly negative opinion about online dating is someone that hasn't done it or isn't ready for a relationship.  I met some great people (and some nutjobs), the same as anywhere else.  

/ Even better, she doesn't have kids
//I had given up hoping I could find someone that didn't add to the chaos in that way!
//Yes, I realize the hypocrisy.  We all have our vices.
 
2013-02-13 02:39:34 PM  
p.s. that wasn't one of "those" dating sites...

/your mom would be upset at you if she knew what sites you go to and that you touch yourself at night.
 
2013-02-13 02:41:38 PM  
Sex Drive is a good online dating movie. Or just for sex. Except it never happened. Nevermind.
 
2013-02-13 02:44:48 PM  

imfallen_angel: Well while I expect this to be a low level attempt for a joke, nope... my daughters.... as per the mention of them and me with full custody in my short story there.


Lighten up! :)  I got through the 4th book in your series before I realized I had the gist of what you were trying to convey.

/low-level indeed.  Would you like to know what else swings low...or do you know already?
 
2013-02-13 02:51:42 PM  

TelemonianAjax: imfallen_angel: Been there done that.. and married with someone that I did meet via a dating site, but not as expected.

My experience is not too far off from yours.  I was only the single dad for 2 years, had many "single/double serving relationships" before meeting someone that just made everything else seem pointless.  Never had introduced the kiddos to anyone else, introduced her to them after only 3 weeks (I'm extraordinarily cautious with my children's affection), and am happy to say that from the moment she walked into the room with them it has felt more like an actual family than it ever did with Mommy.  We get married June 1 of this year.

I found the primary benefit of online dating to be the ability to interact with people without having to go to a bar.  I could do it in my own time and as my scheduled allowed.  I think anyone with a strongly negative opinion about online dating is someone that hasn't done it or isn't ready for a relationship.  I met some great people (and some nutjobs), the same as anywhere else.

/ Even better, she doesn't have kids
//I had given up hoping I could find someone that didn't add to the chaos in that way!
//Yes, I realize the hypocrisy.  We all have our vices.


Actually she's the only one that actually did meet the kids, and my kids were fairly shy at the time, especially the handicapped one (autism) who didn't take at all to strangers...

The moment they "met", the girls smiled and that was that, and the handicapped one went up to her, took her hand and that was also that....

My wife knew there and then that she was "home"...  the ex lost all visits shortly after, and she has been "mom" to these girls for almost all their lives now, as the kids don't really remember their birth mother, nor has she done anything to gain any access.. (but she is paranoid schizophrenic... so another long and scary story)

Sadly, my wife's kids were a more complicated story... One ended up as some really movie drama stuff, scary movie bad stuff.  (so another long and scary story for another type of thread).

And like you, I wasn't in the bar scene... no one I knew that had anyone to introduce me to, or anything... and after a disaster with a relationship at the office, I'd never want to risk that again. (so another long and scary story ).

I found that at least, the dating online stuff would at least sort out people that were (hopefully single) and looking for something... the "something" was the part to sort through.  While I didn't have trouble coming up to women and talking to them, it was getting to "are your single" that was the pain... so this was to deal with that part at least.
 
2013-02-13 02:52:59 PM  

ingineervt: Lighten up! :) I got through the 4th book in your series before I realized I had the gist of what you were trying to convey.

/low-level indeed. Would you like to know what else swings low...or do you know already?


hehehe... just teasing...

and yes I know what swings low... but how can I do otherwise... it does get heavy... ask your mom.
 
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