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(YardBarker)   Urban Meyer: "[Woody Hayes] unzips his pants and takes out whatever he takes out. The turtle reaches up and snaps at him. You see the veins and the sweat (on Hayes). He screams at the coaches, 'That's toughness" I saw a turtle   (yardbarker.com) divider line 62
    More: Dumbass, Woody Hayes, Urban Meyer, pants  
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2342 clicks; posted to Sports » on 12 Feb 2013 at 2:23 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-12 12:35:12 PM  
always said jocks were queer.
 
2013-02-12 02:11:24 PM  
That joke is older than, well um, Woody Hayes.
 
2013-02-12 02:28:29 PM  
the fark?
 
2013-02-12 02:28:46 PM  
Hind your junk now that Maryland has joined the B1G
 
2013-02-12 02:29:42 PM  
FTFA: "(One assistant) raises his hand and says, 'Coach, I'd do this. Just promise not to poke me in the eye.'"

NTTATWWT, I guess.
 
2013-02-12 02:32:24 PM  
What Woody Hayes' deep throating turtle might look like:

img2u.info

/They aren't cheap shot when directed at a buckeye
 
2013-02-12 02:37:51 PM  
"The B1G sucks at recruiting even though I don't because I coach the one B1G school that is easiest to recruit for by a mile."

Eat it, you dirtbag. Oh yeah, Purdue's substandard recruits were a 1:30 from beating you're awesome undefeated team. Good jorb.
 
2013-02-12 02:44:16 PM  
wtfcontent.com
 
2013-02-12 02:47:19 PM  
It must have been this early success against turtles that gave OSU such irrational confidence against Gators.
 
2013-02-12 02:50:45 PM  
......................I live in Columbus this is bad.  The great woody did something.  Now all the tards will have to do it.
 
2013-02-12 02:53:02 PM  
What.....the.....Fark?!
 
2013-02-12 02:54:18 PM  
THE
Ohio State Turtledicks!
 
2013-02-12 03:20:28 PM  

funk_soul_bubby: "The B1G sucks at recruiting even though I don't because I coach the one B1G school that is easiest to recruit for by a mile."

Eat it, you dirtbag. Oh yeah, Purdue's substandard recruits were a 1:30 from beating you're awesome undefeated team. Good jorb.


12-0

In the immortal words of Danny Hope... "Get used to it."
 
2013-02-12 03:26:16 PM  
So all that Clemson player needed to do was poke Woody in the eye?
 
2013-02-12 03:29:06 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: funk_soul_bubby: "The B1G sucks at recruiting even though I don't because I coach the one B1G school that is easiest to recruit for by a mile."

Eat it, you dirtbag. Oh yeah, Purdue's substandard recruits were a 1:30 from beating you're awesome undefeated team. Good jorb.

12-0

In the immortal words of Danny Hope... "Get used to it."


I prefer the 2010 record: 0-1
 
2013-02-12 03:33:35 PM  

meanmutton: Spaced Cowboy: funk_soul_bubby: "The B1G sucks at recruiting even though I don't because I coach the one B1G school that is easiest to recruit for by a mile."

Eat it, you dirtbag. Oh yeah, Purdue's substandard recruits were a 1:30 from beating you're awesome undefeated team. Good jorb.

12-0

In the immortal words of Danny Hope... "Get used to it."

I prefer the 2010 record: 0-1


And here we have the sole person in the entire world who actually believes that changing a win record well after the fact alters reality.  Congratulations on being that guy.  I always wondered who it was.
 
2013-02-12 03:37:31 PM  
This is an ancient joke and I don't recognize any of the characters except for the turtle.
 
2013-02-12 03:37:51 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: And here we have the sole person in the entire world who actually believes that changing a win record well after the fact alters reality.  Congratulations on being that guy.  I always wondered who it was.


I agree, it doesn't change anything.  There also should have been extremely heavy fines to go with the other penalties.  The kind of fines that ensure the AD suddenly gives a shiat about following the rules down there.
 
2013-02-12 03:39:22 PM  
It's not a story, it's a homophobic joke told on athletes.  Also, I'd be curious about the selection of a turtle strong enough that pinching would hurt, but that isn't also fully capable of ripping a chunk out of delicate erectile tissue.

Now, if it was me, and the turtle had choked to death trying, I'd believe it.
 
2013-02-12 03:40:09 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: 12-0

*

FTFY

In all honesty, I'm not that tore up about it, and he's got a valid point, but could he be more condescending and dickish? Tressel looks like a teddy bear by comparison.

funk_soul_bubby: you're


Look what I did. What the hell is wrong with me.
 
2013-02-12 03:44:42 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Spaced Cowboy: And here we have the sole person in the entire world who actually believes that changing a win record well after the fact alters reality.  Congratulations on being that guy.  I always wondered who it was.

I agree, it doesn't change anything.  There also should have been extremely heavy fines to go with the other penalties.  The kind of fines that ensure the AD suddenly gives a shiat about following the rules down there.


In light of how much shiat other programs have gotten away with since the whole "OMG tattoos" thing broke, I'd say the NCAA owes us an apology if anything.  They can have their "extremely heavy fine" when they put even 1/100th of the effort into investigating the hilariously blatant pay to play programs that are being run in certain parts of the country.
 
2013-02-12 03:47:47 PM  
And then he ran over to the sideline and punched an opposing player in the face...
 
2013-02-12 04:14:52 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: In light of how much shiat other programs have gotten away with since the whole "OMG tattoos" thing broke, I'd say the NCAA owes us an apology if anything.  They can have their "extremely heavy fine" when they put even 1/100th of the effort into investigating the hilariously blatant pay to play programs that are being run in certain parts of the country.


I see, it's okay, because other people cheat worse.  Everyone murders to reference one of your great student athletes.
 
2013-02-12 04:21:56 PM  
Fark should really just turn off the sports tab after the superbowl till mid august.
 
2013-02-12 04:23:47 PM  

karmaceutical: Fark should really just turn off the sports tab after the superbowl till mid august.


Or you could, I don't know, not visit it if it doesn't interest you.
 
2013-02-12 04:37:57 PM  
Ok, so Woody Hayes had a turtle bite him in the junk, then poked it in the eye and told the coaches they weren't tough enough to let the turtle bite their junk.  Then, one of the coaches says he will if Hayes doesn't poke him in the eye, implying that he would suck Hayes' whatnot, misunderstanding what he was supposed to be tough about?  Did I get all that?  Cuz that's some stupid shiat right there, plus Urban, Y U Lookin at coaches' Ding dong?
 
2013-02-12 04:57:03 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Spaced Cowboy: In light of how much shiat other programs have gotten away with since the whole "OMG tattoos" thing broke, I'd say the NCAA owes us an apology if anything.  They can have their "extremely heavy fine" when they put even 1/100th of the effort into investigating the hilariously blatant pay to play programs that are being run in certain parts of the country.

I see, it's okay, because other people cheat worse.  Everyone murders to reference one of your great student athletes.


It's not that it's okay, per se.  It's just that if you're going to freak the everylovingfark out about some very minor nonsense like cheap tattoos traded for player owned gear, at least pretend to give a crap when you have documented proof of the solicitation of a player's services for a few hundred grand or luxury yacht parties with all the hookers and blow a player could ask for.

Consistency is one of the hallmarks of a good governing body, hence the near universal disrespect of the NCAA.  Consistency, they has none.
 
2013-02-12 05:04:41 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Spaced Cowboy: In light of how much shiat other programs have gotten away with since the whole "OMG tattoos" thing broke, I'd say the NCAA owes us an apology if anything.  They can have their "extremely heavy fine" when they put even 1/100th of the effort into investigating the hilariously blatant pay to play programs that are being run in certain parts of the country.

I see, it's okay, because other people cheat worse.  Everyone murders to reference one of your great student athletes.


Actually you see very little. While some programs like Miami, USC and Auburn are outright having boosters pay players, tOSU's guys had to hock their own stuff for some ink. There's a SLIGHT bit of difference there especially since you want to throw the word cheat around. Sure what they did was wrong by NCAA standards and they were punished accordingly. What Tressel did was far worse and it cost him his job, reputation and the school an entire year's worth of records and fines to go along with loss of scholarships. But as far as cheating is concerned I think it's a pretty wide gap between illegal recruting to gain better players vs. having guys already on the squad swap their own possessions for some stuff.

The players and their coach were worng and paid accordingly. The school, since it is ultimately responsible even if not directly, was also hit with the proper snactions. But let's not pretend this is Reggie Bush getting a $400K condo for his family or a Miami booster tossing around hookers and blow for players. Some things do not equate, much as you may want them to.
 
2013-02-12 05:56:55 PM  
"How old was the turtle in question?"
l2.yimg.com
 
2013-02-12 06:23:27 PM  

funk_soul_bubby: "The B1G sucks at recruiting even though I don't because I coach the one B1G school that is easiest to recruit for by a mile."

Eat it, you dirtbag. Oh yeah, Purdue's substandard recruits were a 1:30 from beating you're awesome undefeated team. Good jorb.


So they were substandard because they lost, right loser?
 
2013-02-12 06:53:05 PM  
www.maniacworld.com
 
2013-02-12 06:57:19 PM  

the1hatman: Actually you see very little.


My alma mater was hit with major violations for an extra 20 minutes of stretching after practice and failure to fill out CARA forums properly.  Yet somehow we manage to get through life without nailing ourselves onto the cross.  Grow a pair.

/also tOSU has already said that Meyer's story isn't true via official release, go figure
 
2013-02-12 06:58:14 PM  

Dreaded_South: [www.maniacworld.com image 337x219]


Took awhile.
 
2013-02-12 06:59:27 PM  
Also I should mention before someone spouts off, I know the turtle story is a joke and I've heard variants of it before.  It just makes the statement by tOSU athletics that much more amusing.

/thatisthejoke.jpg
 
2013-02-12 07:43:59 PM  
brap:

That joke is older than, well um, Woody Hayes.

67.18.219.83

/ headline must have been approved by one of those European ModMins that keep greenlighting all the soccer trash
 
2013-02-12 07:44:24 PM  

ha-ha-guy: the1hatman: Actually you see very little.

My alma mater was hit with major violations for an extra 20 minutes of stretching after practice and failure to fill out CARA forums properly.  Yet somehow we manage to get through life without nailing ourselves onto the cross.  Grow a pair.

/also tOSU has already said that Meyer's story isn't true via official release, go figure


I'll give you a moment to crawl down off that cross you just nailed yourself to, so that I don't have to crane my neck to respond.

Now then...

Sounds like you're some form of sad little michigan fan, be it little blue herself or some random directional school.  That certainly explains all of the whining and the lack of understanding.

What is rather ironic is that you come in here slinging the word "cheating" around like you know what the fark you're talking about.  Then you admit that your school participated in a violation that has an actual and direct effect on the game.  Extra practice time helps the team out a lot more on Saturdays than 5 random guys sporting new tattoos.

If you're talking about little blue then sop up the tears because all the NCAA did was slap a little probation on your wrist and a self-monitored reduction in practice hours.  Oh your poor wittle baby.  What a travesty of justice!  How will the program ever recover from such heavy handed enforcement.

On the off chance you're talking about Eastern Michigan, you should be thanking your stars that the program didn't get hit worse, as those violations were pretty severe, but I think we all know a sad little blue fan when we see one.  No one embodies impotent rage against their rival quite as wholly as a michigan fan.

Watching Urban Meyer lead the Buckeyes to 12-0 right after finally eeking out your first rivalry win in nearly a decade.... that has to be quite the gut punch.
 
2013-02-12 07:59:31 PM  
It's a joke. The author is a moron.
 
2013-02-12 08:16:15 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: ha-ha-guy: Spaced Cowboy: And here we have the sole person in the entire world who actually believes that changing a win record well after the fact alters reality.  Congratulations on being that guy.  I always wondered who it was.

I agree, it doesn't change anything.  There also should have been extremely heavy fines to go with the other penalties.  The kind of fines that ensure the AD suddenly gives a shiat about following the rules down there.

In light of how much shiat other programs have gotten away with since the whole "OMG tattoos" thing broke, I'd say the NCAA owes us an apology if anything.  They can have their "extremely heavy fine" when they put even 1/100th of the effort into investigating the hilariously blatant pay to play programs that are being run in certain parts of the country.


Hell, the only program that's gotten even close to tOSU's punishment got it for something only tangentially related to its football program, and they only got that punishment because of the vengeance vultures.
 
2013-02-12 08:16:27 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: Watching Urban Meyer lead the Buckeyes to 12-0 right after finally eeking out your first rivalry win in nearly a decade.... that has to be quite the gut punch.


Aww, of course the cute little (by which I mean fundamentally retarded) tOSU fan can't come up with his own analogies and just has to appropriate mine.  Shocking.  As for the rivalry gut punch, no in the least.  Our season went as expected due to RichRod related attrition issues and recruiting issues, namely with interior linemen.  I was pretty happy with season and enjoyed our bowl game where we remained competitive with a ten win SEC team despite the depth chart problems.  I was looking for the bowl game where you highlighted the 12-0 season, but missed it.  If only Gee had been smart enough to self impose a bowl ban a year earlier.

As for the rest, please show me where I ever called our visit with the NCAA to be crippling or anything else of that nature.  Your point was that you were being unfairly picked upon for minor things compared to the SEC.  Yet in reality you're the closest thing the Big Ten has to a SEC program.  The Vest had to vacate twice in his career, first for Maurice and later for Pryor and company.  The latter one of course resulted in early retirement and the end of his career.  It's also interesting that with Tress and his improper benefits gone, suddenly that wall he built is also gone.

Keep ranting and raving though, I don't really care, I'm just killing time before the basketball game.

/Michigan alums don't nail themselves to crosses,  we ride high horse and look down upon others
 
2013-02-12 08:56:06 PM  
Even Golda Meir had enough sense to remember to add that it was a snapping turtle.  Turtle alone just doesn't cut the mustard.

- Menachem Begin Celebrity Roast
 
2013-02-12 09:09:33 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Spaced Cowboy: Watching Urban Meyer lead the Buckeyes to 12-0 right after finally eeking out your first rivalry win in nearly a decade.... that has to be quite the gut punch.

Aww, of course the cute little (by which I mean fundamentally retarded) tOSU fan can't come up with his own analogies and just has to appropriate mine.  Shocking.  As for the rivalry gut punch, no in the least.  Our season went as expected due to RichRod related attrition issues and recruiting issues, namely with interior linemen.  I was pretty happy with season and enjoyed our bowl game where we remained competitive with a ten win SEC team despite the depth chart problems.  I was looking for the bowl game where you highlighted the 12-0 season, but missed it.  If only Gee had been smart enough to self impose a bowl ban a year earlier.

As for the rest, please show me where I ever called our visit with the NCAA to be crippling or anything else of that nature.  Your point was that you were being unfairly picked upon for minor things compared to the SEC.  Yet in reality you're the closest thing the Big Ten has to a SEC program.  The Vest had to vacate twice in his career, first for Maurice and later for Pryor and company.  The latter one of course resulted in early retirement and the end of his career.  It's also interesting that with Tress and his improper benefits gone, suddenly that wall he built is also gone.

Keep ranting and raving though, I don't really care, I'm just killing time before the basketball game.

/Michigan alums don't nail themselves to crosses,  we ride high horse and look down upon others


So in your world, having your own words comically turned on you is some form of analogy theft?  I guess that's a thing now.  You should probably consider legal action.  I bet you're the first person to ever come up with the idea of using a cross and nails as an analogy for playing the victim.  You're definitely the first person I've met that was this unfamiliar with the concept of mockery and most certainly the first person I've seen use the analogy while simultaneously playing the victim card.

It's also interesting to note that with Tress and his "improper benefits" gone, our ability to whip your ass is decidedly not gone.  Oh crap, I think I just appropriated another of your lines.  I bet that is a sign of the lacking educational standards in central Ohio and not at all a way to needle a sensitive michigan fan that has nothing but moral victories to bolster him through the off season.

Since you're the badass intellectual on the horse, would you mind pointing out what Tressel was forced to vacate due to Maurice Clarrett?  Last I checked, this bad boy is still sitting in the Woody Hayes Athletic Center:
media.247sports.com
 
2013-02-12 09:45:48 PM  

ha-ha-guy: Aww, of course the cute little (by which I mean fundamentally retarded) tOSU fan can't come up with his own analogies and just has to appropriate mine.  Shocking.


You talk about being  "hit with major violations for an extra 20 minutes of stretching after practice and failure to fill out CARA forums properly"  like the NCAA came down hard on UM for something minor after stating "I see, it's okay, because other people cheat worse." Since you can't have it both ways I'd say you're pretty hypocritical if not really nailing yourself to anything.

As for the rest, please show me where I ever called our visit with the NCAA to be crippling or anything else of that nature.

Please show me where Spaced did the same. You're the one building that strawman not he.

As for the rivalry gut punch, no in the least.  Our season went as expected due to RichRod related attrition issues and recruiting issues, namely with interior linemen.  I was pretty happy with season and enjoyed our bowl game where we remained competitive with a ten win SEC team despite the depth chart problems.

Your guys choked in the last 11 seconds to their 6th place team. But hey, way to blame the previous coach 2 years after he's gone for it!

I was looking for the bowl game where you highlighted the 12-0 season, but missed it.  If only Gee had been smart enough to self impose a bowl ban a year earlier.

Beating Michigan yet again to cap an undefeated season was plenty enough of a highlight I assure you. Wouldn't trade 12-0 for UM's lackerluster year and bowl loss for anything. As for the ban, I like the ending to the season as it stands vs. probably getting crushed in a BCS game that, despite the undefeated record, tOSU was not good enough to be in. Weak OOC schedule and VERY weak year for the B1G took what was a 9-3 squad at best and made them 12-0 with some good coaching and a few luckly breaks.

Your point was that you were being unfairly picked upon for minor things compared to the SEC.

No, his point was people like yourself act like tOSU is guilty of some epic scandal when in reality kids gave away their stuff for some tats. Not once did he state the NCAA was "picking" on tOSU. Again you're working a strawman or maybe just lacking reading comprehension skills.

The Vest had to vacate twice in his career, first for Maurice and later for Pryor and company.

You've now blown past strawmen to straight up inaccuracies. Tressel and tOSU have never vacated anything over Clarett. The NCAA never brought any charges to the program for anything involving Clarett and Mo himself admitted his alligations against the school were made up of out of spite. Try a little research next time.

It's also interesting that with Tress and his improper benefits gone, suddenly that wall he built is also gone.

No idea what "wall" you're talking about but with Tress gone SUDDENLY the Bucks are coming off an undefeated season, another victory over Michigan and back to back highly rated recruiting classes. All of that while heading into a season where they will be ranked in the top 5 to start and with no postseason ban. Not sure what you are getting at there but I believe the term "smelling like a rose" applies to tOSU's situation here.

/Michigan alums don't nail themselves to crosses, we ride high horse and look down upon others

The Michiagn alums I have worked with over the past 10 years would disown you for such an idiotic statement. They would probably say you sounded more like tOSU fanboys and the way a lot of them rant if anything.
 
2013-02-12 10:05:32 PM  

the1hatman: The Michiagn alums I have worked with over the past 10 years would disown you for such an idiotic statement. They would probably say you sounded more like tOSU fanboys and the way a lot of them rant if anything.


Last I checked, Michigan Arrogance was a running joke within our alumni base and one we still use to get other fan bases foaming at the mouth.  Most of us are also mature enough to suppress it in a work environment.

It amazes me how easy it is to get the hook in your mouth with it though.
 
2013-02-12 10:31:52 PM  

ha-ha-guy: the1hatman: The Michiagn alums I have worked with over the past 10 years would disown you for such an idiotic statement. They would probably say you sounded more like tOSU fanboys and the way a lot of them rant if anything.

Last I checked, Michigan Arrogance was a running joke within our alumni base and one we still use to get other fan bases foaming at the mouth.  Most of us are also mature enough to suppress it in a work environment.

It amazes me how easy it is to get the hook in your mouth with it though.


Oh wow, he actually thinks he's some mastermind troll and not just a run of the mill moron.  Look at all of us foaming at the mouth here.  It's like an invisible troll bomb went off in this thread and his finger is on the button.  I mean, just look at all this ranting and raving and foaming.  This is pretty serious business.

I pine for the days when trolling was something more than the go-to excuse for every dipshiat that gets caught looking like a fool.
 
2013-02-12 11:02:31 PM  

Spaced Cowboy: Watching Urban Meyer lead the Buckeyes to 12-0 right after finally eeking out your first rivalry win in nearly a decade.... that has to be quite the gut punch.


Congratulations on that undefeated season! Has tOSU created their own actual trophy for the season yet, seeing as there isn't any actual trophy that the Buckeyes could win regardless of being 12-0? I'd suggest a bust of an older gentleman wearing a sweater vest, and his arms are bare and covered with tattoo's.

/M Go Blue!
//I miss the one Buckeyes fan who was worth bantering with. Sigh.
 
2013-02-12 11:13:14 PM  

the1hatman: No, his point was people like yourself act like tOSU is guilty of some epic scandal when in reality kids gave away their stuff for some tats. Not once did he state the NCAA was "picking" on tOSU. Again you're working a strawman or maybe just lacking reading comprehension skills

.

Ah, no. tOSU was hit with sanctions because Sweatervest tried to cover up the actions of his players. Had it just been the idiot kids giving their stuff away for tattoo's, the idiot kids would have been handed suspensions (which they got anyway), it would be a story in the Big 10 for at most a season, then it would be over.* When Sweatervest decided to try to cover it up, that's when the NCAA decided to bring down the hammer-like-something-or-other-this-is-the-NCAA-we're-talking-about-af ter-all.

* Except for threads like this, which don't count for shiat anyway.
 
2013-02-12 11:31:11 PM  

ha-ha-guy: the1hatman: The Michiagn alums I have worked with over the past 10 years would disown you for such an idiotic statement. They would probably say you sounded more like tOSU fanboys and the way a lot of them rant if anything.

Last I checked, Michigan Arrogance was a running joke within our alumni base and one we still use to get other fan bases foaming at the mouth.  Most of us are also mature enough to suppress it in a work environment.

It amazes me how easy it is to get the hook in your mouth with it though.


No. If you call that trolling than so is this.
 
2013-02-12 11:49:47 PM  
Threads like this are all we have until next season starts, Techhell.  Don't belittle their importance!

Also, we've already been over the whole "lie is worse than the crime" thing hundreds of times.  It doesn't change the fact that all this hubbub, the months of media frenzy, the dozens of hit pieces by ESPN and SI were all about nothing more heinous than a few players trading their own memorabilia for tattoos.  It's hard to get worked up about the lie when the lie was just to cover some petty shoplifting.  Just give the shopkeep his chewing gum back and maybe sweep his floor for a week for lying, but let's not go overboard here.

I know certain people like to pretend that what happened at Ohio State is SMU 2: Brutus Boogaloo, because that sells way more magazines than sticking with the facts, but it was a pretty tame scandal all around.  For just one additional year of postseason ban, we could've bought ourselves a Reggie Bush and a national championship.  We really should have shopped around before we purchased our scandal.
 
2013-02-12 11:59:24 PM  
Did you know that a wolverine is nothing bit a gay badger? NTTAWWT.
 
2013-02-13 12:27:21 AM  

Techhell: Congratulations on that undefeated season! Has tOSU created their own actual trophy for the season yet,


No need, our 2012 season trophy has already landed in Columbus.  She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts:
media.cleveland.com
 
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