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(Aiken Standard)   If you want to improve your job-hunting success, here's a great tip you may not have heard before: while being interviewed by the lady at the employment agency, don't jerk off   (aikenstandard.com) divider line 64
    More: Dumbass, Department of Public Safety, public computer, public safety  
•       •       •

8224 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2013 at 6:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-11 10:32:47 PM
How the hell do you think I got my job?
 
2013-02-11 10:43:18 PM
Ah, once again the importance of the word DON'T rears it's ugly head.
 
2013-02-11 11:47:29 PM
"It fell out".  This is how I roped the wife in...you just gotta know how to pick your audience.....what?
 
2013-02-11 11:53:47 PM

BrotherJew: "It fell out".  This is how I roped the wife in...you just gotta know how to pick your audience.....what?


Aw, so YOU were the inspiration for D*ck in a Box
 
2013-02-11 11:57:03 PM
MASTURBATE FURIOUSL-



Oh, wait....
 
2013-02-12 12:04:38 AM
This sounds like something Andy Capp would do to avoid getting a job while satisfying the welfare requirement that he look for one.

"Do you know how to use a shovel, Mr. Capp?"

"No."

"Rake?"

"No."

"Well, all right then, I'm afraid I have nothing for you today."

"Never lose your ignorance. You can't replace it."
 
2013-02-12 12:07:42 AM
On the next episode of The Job...
 
2013-02-12 12:30:52 AM

Klippoklondike: BrotherJew: "It fell out".  This is how I roped the wife in...you just gotta know how to pick your audience.....what?

Aw, so YOU were the inspiration for D*ck in a Box


Well...I don't like to take credit for such things.  Especially since "make her open the box" wasn't present in my plan.  Being able to say "It fell out" was key for me.  Then again, there are many various forms and styles to exposing yourself.  I've read.
 
2013-02-12 12:34:33 AM
at all?
 
2013-02-12 12:43:41 AM
FTA

A Johnson man...


I'd say so
 
2013-02-12 12:59:13 AM
I accept that.
 
2013-02-12 01:02:20 AM
Unless it's the Slow Jerk, then make sure to finish.
 
2013-02-12 01:15:00 AM
"The victim stated that during the interview, she looked over and the suspect had his penis out of his pants and in his hand," the report stated. "The victim stated that the suspect told her, 'it fell out.'"

Now how do you expect to keep a job like that mister, unless it's a hand job?
 
2013-02-12 01:15:16 AM
Depends on the woman.  Fat?  Ugly?  Clearly not getting it at home?  Jerking it in front of her and telling her how she looks might be just want the doctor ordered.
 
2013-02-12 01:52:36 AM
I'll hold out for the position that requires me to do this.
 
2013-02-12 05:31:11 AM
Are you sure this is not part of the interview?
 
2013-02-12 06:12:53 AM
No wonder so many kids these days can't get a job.
 
2013-02-12 06:14:44 AM
Look, it's an illness okay.  Ask anyone.  A mental illness.  It's a protected class.
 
2013-02-12 06:19:46 AM
Seriously, though. Don't jack off in an interview.
 
2013-02-12 06:22:42 AM
content.internetvideoarchive.com

No way!
 
2013-02-12 06:29:21 AM
agweb.sx2.atl.publicus.com

Would you like some Merlot? I make it in the toilet.
 
2013-02-12 06:32:31 AM
Dude, we all have weird dreams. You don't go acting them out.
 
2013-02-12 06:32:45 AM
But the lady said the typing portion would be just like how I do it at home...
 
2013-02-12 06:35:16 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Seriously, though. Don't jack off in an interview.


What about helping Jack off the interview?
 
2013-02-12 06:40:32 AM

INeedAName: But the lady said the typing portion would be just like how I do it at home...


Have a seat and make yourself at home.
Ok. <click><click><click><click>zzzzip
 
2013-02-12 06:47:45 AM
upload.wikimedia.org

Oh well la-dee-da, Your Majesty. Some of us don't have a chance to do this at home, on account of all the damn cats outside the window all night!
 
2013-02-12 06:52:09 AM
In the waiting room. Instant Section Eight.
content8.flixster.com
 
2013-02-12 06:55:13 AM
s12.postimage.org

/oblig
 
2013-02-12 07:00:33 AM
So that's what I've been doing wrong...
 
2013-02-12 07:02:27 AM

MBooda: In the waiting room. Instant Section Eight.


I came...

In for this.

/Leaving satisfied
 
2013-02-12 07:02:46 AM
For some auditions, it's expected.
www.nantyglo.com
 
2013-02-12 07:20:10 AM

MBooda: In the waiting room. Instant Section Eight.
[content8.flixster.com image 360x270]


I'm glad I'm not the first one to remember that one.
 
2013-02-12 07:26:18 AM
I see everything has been covered here....

/drops case of wetnaps and exits quickly...
 
2013-02-12 07:32:47 AM
It's called "Multitasking". It's right there on my resume. See it? No. It's lower, lower. Oh yeah. Right there. Annnd Interview over. I'm done.
 
2013-02-12 07:36:13 AM
I thought you said this was going to be an oral interview.

and/or

Just the prospect of working for you has me rarin' to go.

and/or

I just want to see what kind of benefits you offered

and/or

It fell out. Now I must wrestle it back in
 
2013-02-12 07:37:26 AM
I especially love the banner ad for 'Fresh Meat'
 
2013-02-12 07:42:08 AM
Actually... Most jobs a little better than jerking off.
 
2013-02-12 07:43:56 AM
And one CSB

Years ago, I interviewed for a Novell admin job. It was one of those group interviews where the HR person explains you are going to be interviewed by people from Marketing, sales, shipping and accounting. The lady from Accounting comes in, introduces herself and she is a righteous hot geekalicious lady. She introduces herself and then goes to put some books on the floor. Well, everything was magnificently there and I know you're supposed to look and then look away but I pulled a Costanza. I looked, I leered and I admired. And, if given the opportunity, I would do it again. The guys from shipping and sales just smiled but the HR lady just glared at me.

Finished the interview, the HR lady took off before I could shake her hand and, of course, they never called back.

Still, best interview ever.
 
2013-02-12 07:44:54 AM
What a moron.  Obviously he forgot that you wait until you are hired by the company before you apply for an upper management position.
 
2013-02-12 07:45:03 AM

wildcardjack: MBooda: In the waiting room. Instant Section Eight.
[content8.flixster.com image 360x270]

I'm glad I'm not the first one to remember that one.


I remember it like I was there.
 
2013-02-12 07:45:59 AM
Who's submitting links from my home town?!
 
2013-02-12 07:49:13 AM
That is frowned upon here? because at my last job....
 
2013-02-12 08:02:46 AM
Finally capped it
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-12 08:27:16 AM
fc07.deviantart.net
 
2013-02-12 08:32:10 AM
That's what Fark is for. Because you can't actually jerk off at work.
 
2013-02-12 08:33:31 AM
elia.jootamam.net
 
2013-02-12 08:37:55 AM
Maybe he was just being proactive in case they asked for a semen sample.
Proactive is good, right?
 
2013-02-12 08:44:28 AM
elia.jootamam.netelia.jootamam.netelia.jootamam.netelia.jootamam.netelia.jootamam.netelia.jootamam.net
 
2013-02-12 08:44:32 AM
Sounds like the guy has a case of the willies.
 
2013-02-12 08:47:33 AM
In his defense he did it at a staffing agency. I hate those places, the staffing  agents lie so much.

I wonder if the guy would do special requests at certain temp agencies in Boston.
 
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