Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Warwick Daily News (Australia))   You may be with the wrong girl if you have to fap alone in the shower. Especially if she then kicks in the shower door, catches you, smashes the TV, and attacks your mom to keep her from calling the cops   (warwickdailynews.com.au) divider line 155
    More: Scary, showers  
•       •       •

11105 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2013 at 1:11 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



155 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-02-12 01:13:05 AM  
Sounds like a pretty average saturday night to me.
 
2013-02-12 01:14:17 AM  
This insecurity some females have over their partner masturbating will forever confuse me.
-J-
 
2013-02-12 01:14:27 AM  
I would rub one out to this...but I might get attacked! O.o
 
2013-02-12 01:15:59 AM  
@Jarod Cain

Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me. :-( I had no issue with guys mastirbating. I actually encourage it.
 
2013-02-12 01:16:27 AM  

Kiradikash: I would rub one out to this...but I might get attacked! O.o


I already did. You're safe.
 
2013-02-12 01:17:58 AM  
*masturbating...not mastirbation.

/darn stupid keyboard on a stupid touch screen phone with NO pull out keyboard.
 
2013-02-12 01:18:50 AM  
A YOUNG mother with a history of violence has again avoided serving actual jail time, this time when she was in court over a fit of rage that ignited when she caught her partner masturbating in the shower.

This is a pretty loaded first sentence, Australian journalists.
 
2013-02-12 01:18:54 AM  

Kiradikash: *masturbating...not mastirbation.

/darn stupid keyboard on a stupid touch screen phone with NO pull out keyboard.


Darn semen and pubic hair caking down the keysssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss sss
 
2013-02-12 01:19:30 AM  
dvdmedia.ign.com

/highlight of the day
//all downhill from here
 
2013-02-12 01:19:35 AM  
I think I know her.........or used to live with her.


/is she Jewish?
 
2013-02-12 01:19:38 AM  
@farkingismybusiness Well...in that case, I'll be back in about 30 minutes or so. ;-)
 
2013-02-12 01:19:50 AM  
Kiradikash: Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me.

Hmm, could be one of the following.

1) He didn't want you stealing his techniques?

2) Because you already broke yours off

farm5.staticflickr.com
 
2013-02-12 01:21:05 AM  
@Yogimus Lol. I almost choked on the water I was drinking.
 
2013-02-12 01:22:03 AM  

Kiradikash: @Yogimus Lol. I almost choked on the water I was drinking.


That's not all your gonna choke on. Heyooooooooooooo!
 
2013-02-12 01:23:05 AM  
@lordargent Bwuahahaha. I have seen that before.

I used to let him watch me, which he asked if he could. When I asked if I could watch him, he says it's different...that he did not know why I wanted to watch him.
 
2013-02-12 01:23:08 AM  
I'll bet the makeup sex lands them both in jail
 
2013-02-12 01:23:19 AM  
That just heightens the excitement by adding an element of danger.  Is she single now?
 
2013-02-12 01:24:02 AM  
@farkingismybusiness Ok...I did walk into that last comment. :-P
 
2013-02-12 01:24:07 AM  
*reads artcile*

Ah, true love.
 
2013-02-12 01:24:45 AM  
I bet the sex is amazing. Then again, 2 kids...
 
2013-02-12 01:25:48 AM  
The Aristocrats?
 
2013-02-12 01:25:55 AM  

Kiradikash: @farkingismybusiness Well...in that case, I'll be back in about 30 minutes or so. ;-)


go on...... zzzzzip
 
2013-02-12 01:27:22 AM  
@darkmayo You got lucky. ;-) I should have left already...but I cannot decide which toy I want to use. :-P
 
2013-02-12 01:27:59 AM  
Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom
I bet the sex is amazing. Then again, 2 kids.


Well, it must have been amazing enough that they did it at least two times.
 
2013-02-12 01:28:00 AM  
WTF is with all the "@blah blah blah"???

Do people not see the "reply" button???

Is this a hip new way to reference prior comments? Nevermind, I probably wouldn't understand.
 
2013-02-12 01:29:20 AM  

jtown: [dvdmedia.ign.com image 420x178]

/highlight of the day
//all downhill from here


DAMMIT
 
2013-02-12 01:29:25 AM  

Kiradikash: @darkmayo You got lucky. ;-) I should have left already...but I cannot decide which toy I want to use. :-P


haha well EIP lets see how lucky I really am
 
2013-02-12 01:29:45 AM  

Kiradikash: @darkmayo You got lucky. ;-) I should have left already...but I cannot decide which toy I want to use. :-P


Gross, take this to email or texting or some shiat.
 
2013-02-12 01:30:45 AM  

Kiradikash: @lordargent Bwuahahaha. I have seen that before.

I used to let him watch me, which he asked if he could. When I asked if I could watch him, he says it's different...that he did not know why I wanted to watch him.


I was going to say maybe he was just embarrassed or didn't want you to know he needs a certain kind of weird porn to spank it to, but that is kind of odd still.  I suppose it could still be the second, but did he ever say why it was different?  I'm in the same boat with you though, I love watching.  It's a huge turn-on.
 
2013-02-12 01:33:02 AM  
@WhyKnot Because I am on here using my mobile device...and it is not letting me use the reply or quote options. I wish it would...would make it a lot easier.
 
2013-02-12 01:33:14 AM  
@doesnotcompute
 
2013-02-12 01:34:18 AM  
When she kicks in your shower door
How you gonna come?
With your hands on your head
Or the trigger of your gun?
 
2013-02-12 01:35:43 AM  
A YOUNG mother with a history of violence

intervistamag.com


the woman had smashed another TV

She really has it in for TVs.
 
2013-02-12 01:35:46 AM  
@Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom

Don't get your panties in a bunch. I am just playing...and it's not like the nature of the article topic is all flowers and sunshine. If you're still butthurt, you could borrow my big bottle of lube. :-P
 
2013-02-12 01:36:00 AM  

Kiradikash: @WhyKnot Because I am on here using my mobile device...and it is not letting me use the reply or quote options. I wish it would...would make it a lot easier.


Gotcha. Thanks for the feedback...thought I might have missed something.
 
2013-02-12 01:38:06 AM  
@PillsHurt He said it's embarassing because he probably makes weird faces, and a guy masturbating is not anywhere near as sexy as a girl. I think he was just self conscious and a bit insecure.
 
2013-02-12 01:38:55 AM  
Hey @everybody I'm gonna go finger my asshole with a thimble while my cat watches, brb
 
2013-02-12 01:40:17 AM  
@fingerassholeok
 
2013-02-12 01:40:40 AM  
@Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom

Can I watch? ;-)
 
2013-02-12 01:41:09 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Hey @everybody I'm gonna go finger my asshole with a thimble while my cat watches, brb


go on....  zip
 
2013-02-12 01:43:11 AM  
@darkmayo I am soooo adding you to my favorites tomorrow when I am on an actual computer and not my mobile device. You have me cracking up so bad.
 
2013-02-12 01:43:22 AM  
This is what happens when you don't fark a stranger in the Alps.
 
2013-02-12 01:44:49 AM  
This thread is making me really uncomfortable.
 
2013-02-12 01:44:54 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Hey @everybody I'm gonna go finger my asshole with a thimble while my cat watches, brb


Wait wait.. is that a real thimble or a thimble from a monopoly game, and what breed of cat is it.
 
2013-02-12 01:45:23 AM  
It's sort of comforting to know that whether it's Warwick in Austrailia or Warwick, RI that all Warwicks worldwide are trashy.
 
2013-02-12 01:46:32 AM  
How YOU doin'?

(Take your pick who you are.)
 
2013-02-12 01:47:09 AM  

Kiradikash: @darkmayo You got lucky. ;-) I should have left already...but I cannot decide which toy I want to use. :-P


Kiradikash: @WhyKnot Because I am on here using my mobile device...and it is not letting me use the reply or quote options. I wish it would...would make it a lot easier.


If your mobile is a phone or tablet with a vibrate mode, just download a vibrating massage app and give us the play by play.  No need to find a toy or reply to anybody.  Easy Peasy.
 
2013-02-12 01:47:35 AM  

skinink: It's sort of comforting to know that whether it's Warwick in Austrailia or Warwick, RI that all Warwicks worldwide are trashy.


Dont get me started on Warwick Davis, that little slut.
 
2013-02-12 01:48:43 AM  
@Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist

Welcome to Fark. ;-)
 
2013-02-12 01:49:04 AM  

darkmayo: skinink: It's sort of comforting to know that whether it's Warwick in Austrailia or Warwick, RI that all Warwicks worldwide are trashy.

Dont get me started on Warwick Davis, that little slut.


go on.......zip
 
2013-02-12 01:49:10 AM  
@buttsecks
 
2013-02-12 01:50:26 AM  
@pheelix Would that be before or after I pass out the lube to those who would get their panties in a bunch over that?
 
2013-02-12 01:51:14 AM  
I need an adult.
 
2013-02-12 01:51:46 AM  
I think Kiradikash is a rare exception. Every time I am hanging out in a parking lot or stairwell and I see a woman, I have tried to demonstrate how I masturbate, but they usually scream and run the other way. Women are generally afraid of masturbating men.
 
2013-02-12 01:51:51 AM  

Kiradikash: @darkmayo I am soooo adding you to my favorites tomorrow when I am on an actual computer and not my mobile device. You have me cracking up so bad.


haha thanks, its a weird story, and a weirder thread brain just seems to be on a roll.
 
2013-02-12 01:51:53 AM  
@haterade What is wrong with buttsecks? Cannot tell if yu are for or againat it by your post. :-P
 
2013-02-12 01:52:39 AM  
#43

s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2013-02-12 01:53:38 AM  

pheelix: #43

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 600x600]


dammit its late.  Wrong farking thread. Carry on.
 
2013-02-12 01:53:39 AM  
@Atomic Spunk

Darn it...how come I am never the one to find that? I would watch. ;-)

Maybe I am the exception?
 
2013-02-12 01:54:12 AM  

MissFeasance: I need an adult.

static.neatoshop.com
 
2013-02-12 01:55:13 AM  

pheelix: pheelix: #43

[s3-ec.buzzfed.com image 600x600]

dammit its late.  Wrong farking thread. Carry on.


And yet it strangely works... Also, this thread took a turn for the awesome.
-J-
 
2013-02-12 01:55:24 AM  

Kiradikash: @Atomic Spunk

Darn it...how come I am never the one to find that? I would watch. ;-)

Maybe I am the exception?


Maybe he does requests.
 
2013-02-12 01:56:18 AM  

Kiradikash: @haterade What is wrong with buttsecks? Cannot tell if yu are for or againat it by your post. :-P


For it, but i'll take what I can get
 
2013-02-12 01:57:27 AM  

Kiradikash: @Atomic Spunk

Darn it...how come I am never the one to find that? I would watch. ;-)


I'm Asian. You will probably need to bring your magnifying glass.
 
2013-02-12 01:59:03 AM  
By the power vested in me, I now declare this a Fark AW ThreadTM.
 
2013-02-12 02:00:16 AM  
my gf caught me masturbating to this thread, so I am getting a kick out of this
 
2013-02-12 02:01:15 AM  

Kiradikash: @pheelix Would that be before or after I pass out the lube to those who would get their panties in a bunch over that?


Both.
 
2013-02-12 02:01:15 AM  
I admit it, I use different fap techniques when my girl is watching me than when I'm on my own.  Big Fist Style feels great, but it's not very interesting to look at.

Also, never in the shower, because hot water + spunke + knuckle hair is a bad combination, as is shampoo + peehole.
 
2013-02-12 02:01:52 AM  

eggplanticus: my gf caught me masturbating to this thread, so I am getting a kick out of this


cough.....      sooo sore...         go   on....    ziiiiiip
 
2013-02-12 02:04:23 AM  

poot_rootbeer: I admit it, I use different fap techniques when my girl is watching me than when I'm on my own.  Big Fist Style feels great, but it's not very interesting to look at.

Also, never in the shower, because hot water + spunke + knuckle hair is a bad combination, as is shampoo + peehole.


dude, conditioner...less painful and you have the benefit of having silky smooth pubes
 
2013-02-12 02:04:24 AM  

Spaced Lion: By the power vested in me, I now declare this a Fark AW ThreadTM.


img.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-12 02:04:49 AM  

Kiradikash: @Jarod Cain

Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me. :-( I had no issue with guys mastirbating. I actually encourage it.


Masturbation is like pooping. Yeah, you feel great afterwards, but it doesn't look pretty.
 
2013-02-12 02:05:00 AM  

darkmayo: eggplanticus: my gf caught me masturbating to this thread, so I am getting a kick out of this

cough.....      sooo sore...         go   on....    ziiiiiip


Do what poot_rootbeer does with his GF. Slowly and elegantly with pinkies out.
-J-
 
2013-02-12 02:06:11 AM  

poot_rootbeer: I admit it, I use different fap techniques when my girl is watching me than when I'm on my own.  Big Fist Style feels great, but it's not very interesting to look at.

Also, never in the shower, because hot water + spunke + knuckle hair is a bad combination, as is shampoo + peehole.


Big fist style?  Is that with Hulk hands or something?
 
2013-02-12 02:06:59 AM  

Kiradikash: *masturbating...not mastirbation.

/darn stupid keyboard on a stupid touch screen phone with NO pull out keyboard.


Pull out keyboard method is not a safe method, be safe or you may catch Autocorrect Syndrome.

/50 comments and no one else takes a stab at "pull out"?
//Typing this on a mobile with a physical keyboard that I pulled out.
 
2013-02-12 02:08:11 AM  

Jarod Cain: darkmayo: eggplanticus: my gf caught me masturbating to this thread, so I am getting a kick out of this

cough.....      sooo sore...         go   on....    ziiiiiip

Do what poot_rootbeer does with his GF. Slowly and elegantly with pinkies out.
-J-


now that sounds like a plan..  all classy like. Maybe put a monicle on and look at some racy Daguerreotypes?
 
2013-02-12 02:08:36 AM  
cdn.pastemagazine.com
Doesn't anybody farking knock anymore?
 
2013-02-12 02:09:34 AM  

Spaced Lion: By the power vested in me, I now declare this a Fark AW ThreadTM.


Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
 
2013-02-12 02:10:53 AM  

WhyKnot: WTF is with all the "@blah blah blah"???

Do people not see the "reply" button???

Is this a hip new way to reference prior comments? Nevermind, I probably wouldn't understand.


To reply.
 
2013-02-12 02:11:42 AM  

Kiradikash: @lordargent Bwuahahaha. I have seen that before.

I used to let him watch me, which he asked if he could. When I asked if I could watch him, he says it's different...that he did not know why I wanted to watch him.


Assuming you're female..

There is an obvious overall cultural difference between the sexes when it comes to the acceptability of masturbation.  For most guys(as far as perception of the masses, and typically practice, at least in youth), it's something done because they can't get any. It becomes associated with shame if others know about it, and that's not even bringing in the whole "It's evil" from various religions and such.
 Even if explained it can carry that stigma in his mind, not to mention associations with surprise visitors who don't knock.

As far as women it's the opposite.  They can pretty get some whenever they want, so when they choose to do it themselves it's kind of hot, a sign of health and strength, a willingness to do what must be done, because none around are good enough to do it.(that last can also backfire and men can feel threatened as well....but usually we realize better a one off on your part than to go without completely)

Meh, i don't think it should be a big deal.

I see it as akin to wanting to close the bedroom door before sex(or even just sleep, I can't sleep with my bedroom door open[then again I've got really good hearing and can tell the difference in acoustics, very light and finicky sleeper]), even if the rest of the house is empty.  Sex for many people carries that issue of security, irrational as it may be, it's mostly harmless.

I also prefer sex with the lights off.  It's not a shame or lack of confidence, it's a control.  You now have to feel your way around.

Maybe he's insecure with people watching in general.  Just being seen in that state can trigger normal insecurities, a natural feeling of vulnerability.  Evolutionarily speaking, it could serve a purpose, being wary when in that state could be advantageous in man's more violent past.
 
2013-02-12 02:15:37 AM  

omeganuepsilon: Kiradikash: @lordargent Bwuahahaha. I have seen that before.

I used to let him watch me, which he asked if he could. When I asked if I could watch him, he says it's different...that he did not know why I wanted to watch him.

Assuming you're female..

There is an obvious overall cultural difference between the sexes when it comes to the acceptability of masturbation.  For most guys(as far as perception of the masses, and typically practice, at least in youth), it's something done because they can't get any. It becomes associated with shame if others know about it, and that's not even bringing in the whole "It's evil" from various religions and such.
 Even if explained it can carry that stigma in his mind, not to mention associations with surprise visitors who don't knock.

As far as women it's the opposite.  They can pretty get some whenever they want, so when they choose to do it themselves it's kind of hot, a sign of health and strength, a willingness to do what must be done, because none around are good enough to do it.(that last can also backfire and men can feel threatened as well....but usually we realize better a one off on your part than to go without completely)

Meh, i don't think it should be a big deal.

I see it as akin to wanting to close the bedroom door before sex(or even just sleep, I can't sleep with my bedroom door open[then again I've got really good hearing and can tell the difference in acoustics, very light and finicky sleeper]), even if the rest of the house is empty.  Sex for many people carries that issue of security, irrational as it may be, it's mostly harmless.

I also prefer sex with the lights off.  It's not a shame or lack of confidence, it's a control.  You now have to feel your way around.

Maybe he's insecure with people watching in general.  Just being seen in that state can trigger normal insecurities, a natural feeling of vulnerability.  Evolutionarily speaking, it could serve a purpose, being wary when in that state could be a ...


bit of a double standard, but it really depends on the person like you said. I don't believe it is a "gender" issue or at least I never had hang ups on my "performance art"  I could be wrong though.
 
2013-02-12 02:17:09 AM  
Ladies, you could be the hottest woman in the world, and give in to our every sexual fantasy. You could do that 5 times a day. We'd still find time to rub one out over some shiat that you just wouldn;t understand.
 
2013-02-12 02:19:38 AM  
@Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)
 
2013-02-12 02:20:04 AM  

BroncoFan_17: Ladies, you could be the hottest woman in the world, and give in to our every sexual fantasy. You could do that 5 times a day. We'd still find time to rub one out over some shiat that you just wouldn;t understand.


speak for yourself man....5x a day may be as much as i'd want to endure
 
2013-02-12 02:21:43 AM  

BroncoFan_17: Ladies, you could be the hottest woman in the world, and give in to our every sexual fantasy. You could do that 5 times a day. We'd still find time to rub one out over some shiat that you just wouldn;t understand.


i.imgur.com

True.

/Don't judge me!
 
2013-02-12 02:49:50 AM  
Um, I think I might also need an adult. It's like that one weird party I went to. I really wanted to leave, but I almost wanted someone to make me stay...
*backs away slowly*
*a little slower*
 
2013-02-12 02:51:31 AM  

darkmayo: bit of a double standard, but it really depends on the person like you said. I don't believe it is a "gender" issue or at least I never had hang ups on my "performance art"  I could be wrong though.



It's not a "gender" issue.  It's now the human psyche deals with input from society.  Most of society does treat males and females differently in some things with regularity, and it can manifest in certain ways.  Swap the male and female roles from my examples around and you'd not change a thing.  Treat females as I described males as being treated, and you'd expect the same results.

Example:

How often have you seen a male cover his nipples when "caught" without a shirt on?  Females?

Same situation.  Females in that case, are taught that people shouldn't see their boobs, so they cover them.  Maybe there's also more to it, like I said about males, an instinctual protection that may have actually served the species in the past.  Hiding femininity can also be a distinctive edge when it comes to attracting an undesirable, or If you don't cover them, maybe some guy gets the wrong idea.  etc.

My point was, that for any given insecurity, there are several potential causes, some very natural if not rational.  (IE instinct or completely subconscious feelings are not classifiable as "rational" as you can't simply reason your way out of it(even threapy yields mixed results).

I'm not saying every man is that way, or every woman, but the situations and public perception I described can be very typical.

View society as you will, but don't try to paint me into some antagonistic or bigoted role.
/Maybe you aren't doing that, but it happens enough on fark
//Hell every so often you mention anatomical differences and you get lambasted for being a misogynist or sexist
 
2013-02-12 03:04:16 AM  

TopoGigo: Um, I think I might also need an adult. It's like that one weird party I went to. I really wanted to leave, but I almost wanted someone to make me stay...
*backs away slowly*
*a little slower*


no no don't go

(stage whisper) run, run away while you still can, don't look back....and for the love of god do it now
 
2013-02-12 03:05:10 AM  

illannoyin: True.

/Don't judge me!


Never saw that pic before, here's more: NSFW

http://photoslaves.com/understanding-joshua-by-charlie-white/

My favorite sans the NSFW one

photoslaves.com
top one is good too, but could have been better
/just like the creepy factor
//original author talks about more "meaningful" things like male self loathing and embodiments of fragility and such
///pansy, if he didn't do cool creepy picks I'd want to scalp him and leave him dead in a shower stall
//Wait, what?
/Larger pics(if you click the pics) but no NSFW
http://monsterbrains.blogspot.com/2011/11/charlie-white-understandin g- joshua-2001.html
 
2013-02-12 04:15:16 AM  

Kiradikash: @Jarod Cain

Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me. :-( I had no issue with guys mastirbating. I actually encourage it.


Some women have a real issue with it. I think in some cases it is an insecurity issue, they feel threatened by it as though their guy doesn't find them desirable if he goes solo. In other cases I think it is a control issue, they want to use sexual pleasure as a way to control the relationship and if their guy is getting his rocks off they can't do that as well. I have no idea how common it is (I've never dated anyone like that) but it is common enough that you hear about it fairly regularly.

In terms of your ex, for some people, it is a really private thing. They are used to doing it completely alone, so they aren't comfortable with even their sexual partner watching. Personally, I think mutual masturbation can be a lot of fun, but not everyone is comfortable with that.
 
2013-02-12 04:35:16 AM  
I am not sure this whole problem they have is about sex but about the female with holding sex as a punishment. She wants to get her way and then when she catches him foiling her plan she goes nuts because she is not winning.
 
2013-02-12 06:44:19 AM  
I'm glad I'm single.. lol
 
2013-02-12 07:11:41 AM  
Don't you know, sweetie pie, all you love juice now belongs to me. Now be a smoochy bear and get out of that shower before I cut your dick off.

ryanseacrest.com

Oh, and as punishment for cheating on me with yourself we aren't going to make love for a week.
 
2013-02-12 07:30:43 AM  
What the hell is a 35yr old doing with 23yr old in the first place?  They had to have gotten together when she was damn near a teenager still.   Of course she's farked up and of course he's a fark up.  This shouldn't be a surprise outcome at all.    And he's still living with his mother?
 
2013-02-12 07:38:31 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: I bet the sex is amazing. Then again, 2 kids...


Nothing wrong with a 4-way.
 
2013-02-12 07:39:08 AM  

Tymast: What the hell is a 35yr old doing with 23yr old in the first place?  They had to have gotten together when she was damn near a teenager still.   Of course she's farked up and of course he's a fark up.  This shouldn't be a surprise outcome at all.    And he's still living with his mother?


Not going to comment on living with his mother, but 35 with a 23 isn't crazy. Well, she's crazy, obviously. But it's certainly not out of the realm of realistic and normal possibilities. Though this chick was clearly off her meds.
 
2013-02-12 07:48:11 AM  

WhyKnot: WTF is with all the "@blah blah blah"???

Do people not see the "reply" button???

Is this a hip new way to reference prior comments? Nevermind, I probably wouldn't understand.


Farking liters...
 
2013-02-12 07:57:51 AM  

Kiradikash: @Jarod Cain

Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me. :-( I had no issue with guys mastirbating. I actually encourage it.


My wife gets turned on when I do it. Weird, since I only have to do it when she isnt giving any up.

/or when I just want to get off and be done
 
2013-02-12 08:32:20 AM  

LoneWolf343: Kiradikash: @Jarod Cain

Really? I used to ask my ex to let me watch him masturbate. He never let me. :-( I had no issue with guys mastirbating. I actually encourage it.

Masturbation is like pooping. Yeah, you feel great afterwards, but it doesn't look pretty.


Go on.... Zzzzip
 
2013-02-12 08:35:36 AM  
elia.jootamam.net
 
2013-02-12 08:46:14 AM  
Wtf happened to this thread?
 
2013-02-12 08:58:14 AM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-12 09:21:17 AM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-12 09:32:34 AM  

Kiradikash: *masturbating...not mastirbation.

/darn stupid keyboard on a stupid touch screen phone with NO pull out keyboard.


Heh. Pull out.
 
2013-02-12 09:36:14 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Hey @everybody I'm gonna go finger my asshole with a thimble while my cat watches, brb


You should make sure the thimble is securely fastened. Or prepare to go searching for treasure.
 
2013-02-12 09:37:05 AM  
I think I divorced her....
Wondered where she went.
 
2013-02-12 09:42:23 AM  

poot_rootbeer: I admit it, I use different fap techniques when my girl is watching me than when I'm on my own.  Big Fist Style feels great, but it's not very interesting to look at.

Also, never in the shower, because hot water + spunke + knuckle hair is a bad combination, as is shampoo + peehole.


Wash your hands and junk after you're done with soap and suddenly no more stuck knuckle hairs. With an added bonus of being less nasty. As for shampoo hurting your pee hole. Grow a pair? I've never heard this complaint before. Maybe some tear free baby shampoo so you don't hurt your one eyed monster. Or duct tape.
 
2013-02-12 09:44:22 AM  

ciberido: WhyKnot: WTF is with all the "@blah blah blah"???

Do people not see the "reply" button???

Is this a hip new way to reference prior comments? Nevermind, I probably wouldn't understand.

To reply.


Damn it, its spreading. I knew that farker was contagious.
 
2013-02-12 09:44:40 AM  
After a year-long period when things had been "okay" in the relationship, the couple began to argue over parenting issues, finances and the man's lack of help around the house.

But it sounded like he was doing stuff around the house on his own
 
2013-02-12 09:50:07 AM  

Alex Broughton Butt Chugger: As for shampoo hurting your pee hole. Grow a pair? I've never heard this complaint before.


Prolonged exposure to soap can wear out all of the natural oils in the skin that need to remain.  Dry and flaky penis is absolutely NO fun.  A pee-hole that's similarly dried out can be excruciating during urination(and even dormant if it's bad) until it heals.

Add to that the repeated tugging, working that soap even deeper into the skin, and you can end up with a cracked and bleeding penis.

Of course, if you're a 3 pump marvel, you probably don't need to worry and have never had issues with it.
 
2013-02-12 10:32:32 AM  
www.filmedge.net

JCVD, you get one woman talking about masturbating on Fark and the whole world goes to hell.
 
2013-02-12 10:46:57 AM  

omeganuepsilon: Alex Broughton Butt Chugger: As for shampoo hurting your pee hole. Grow a pair? I've never heard this complaint before.

Prolonged exposure to soap can wear out all of the natural oils in the skin that need to remain.  Dry and flaky penis is absolutely NO fun.  A pee-hole that's similarly dried out can be excruciating during urination(and even dormant if it's bad) until it heals.

Add to that the repeated tugging, working that soap even deeper into the skin, and you can end up with a cracked and bleeding penis.

Of course, if you're a 3 pump marvel, you probably don't need to worry and have never had issues with it.


Jesus I wish I could get off quickly. And I never said jerk off with soap, I said wash up after so you don't have cum covered knuckles. Which is basic hygiene, genius. As for shampoo, yea if you are stupid enough to jerk off with it I'm sure it can burn. However if you are such a Pansy that washing your hair hurts ur cock, go ahead and get the surgery to remove it.
 
2013-02-12 10:50:56 AM  
Someone got all defensive, truth must hurt.
 
2013-02-12 11:00:07 AM  
Will you two stop having a pissing contest in a jerk-off thread already!
 
2013-02-12 11:03:20 AM  

Sultan Of Herf: My wife gets turned on when I do it. Weird, since I only have to do it when she isnt giving any up.


Sounds like a pretty good way to get her to finish what you start.
 
2013-02-12 11:12:12 AM  

Gunderson: Will you two stop having a pissing contest in a jerk-off thread already!


Prude, how dare you judge Alex's golden shower fetish!

But ok, I'll relent.   Can I use your rest room? I've stored up rather a large amount of pee for this.
 
2013-02-12 11:19:00 AM  

illannoyin: BroncoFan_17: Ladies, you could be the hottest woman in the world, and give in to our every sexual fantasy. You could do that 5 times a day. We'd still find time to rub one out over some shiat that you just wouldn;t understand.

[i.imgur.com image 500x300]

True.

/Don't judge me!


Where does this image come from? I've seen this a zillion times now and somehow I feel like I've seen this before (outside of the internets).
 
2013-02-12 11:22:00 AM  

ooochromeooo: illannoyin: BroncoFan_17: Ladies, you could be the hottest woman in the world, and give in to our every sexual fantasy. You could do that 5 times a day. We'd still find time to rub one out over some shiat that you just wouldn;t understand.

[i.imgur.com image 500x300]

True.

/Don't judge me!

Where does this image come from? I've seen this a zillion times now and somehow I feel like I've seen this before (outside of the internets).


I posted links shortly before that, or am I on an ignore list?
 
2013-02-12 11:38:45 AM  
Man, I fall asleep, and look where the thread goes without me. ;)

Did you all miss me?

/No @ symbols this time because I am not on my mobile device.
 
2013-02-12 11:42:57 AM  

darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)


Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.
 
2013-02-12 11:58:43 AM  
FInally decided to make a Fark account last night.  What a thread to stumble upon!  Lol.
 
2013-02-12 12:30:58 PM  

Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.


i29.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-12 01:14:33 PM  

Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.


You certainly do have some interesitng hobbies in your profile!  ;)
 
2013-02-12 01:19:33 PM  

mudpants: Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.

[i29.photobucket.com image 320x240]


Hehehehe. I shall take that as a compliment. Does that pic count as getting to watch you masturbate? ;)
 
2013-02-12 01:21:13 PM  

WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.

You certainly do have some interesitng hobbies in your profile!  ;)


I try to be as diverse as possible. :P Plus, I find I am hardly ever bored.
 
2013-02-12 01:22:21 PM  

Kiradikash: WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.

You certainly do have some interesitng hobbies in your profile!  ;)

I try to be as diverse as possible. :P Plus, I find I am hardly ever bored.


Well, that's one good thing about it!  I hate when I am bored. :P
 
2013-02-12 01:23:43 PM  

WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: darkmayo: @Kiradikash   interesting hobbies in your profile (thumbs up on the belly dancing)

Thanks. :) I have been working on my belly dancing, but I am not that great at it, yet.

You certainly do have some interesitng hobbies in your profile!  ;)

I try to be as diverse as possible. :P Plus, I find I am hardly ever bored.

Well, that's one good thing about it!  I hate when I am bored. :P


Well... no one wants to see me bored. I tend to find really weird things to do when I am bored. There have been times I have left my friends thinking "WTF?!" after me being bored and having time on my hands. :P
 
2013-02-12 01:24:57 PM  

Kiradikash: Well... no one wants to see me bored. I tend to find really weird things to do when I am bored. There have been times I have left my friends thinking "WTF?!" after me being bored and having time on my hands. :P


Well, when I am bored, my mind tends to wonder as well. Sometimes, it ends up getting me into trouble or people end up thinking.. what the hell is wrong with him? Lol.
 
2013-02-12 01:25:37 PM  
The top part of this thread was so full of win, the bottom was like when you're wanking it to some really hot porn and you accidentally click on a random link
 
2013-02-12 01:29:07 PM  

WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: Well... no one wants to see me bored. I tend to find really weird things to do when I am bored. There have been times I have left my friends thinking "WTF?!" after me being bored and having time on my hands. :P

Well, when I am bored, my mind tends to wonder as well. Sometimes, it ends up getting me into trouble or people end up thinking.. what the hell is wrong with him? Lol.


Hmmm...I have never got in trouble for my weirdness while bored. Lol.

I have made paper clothes for a toy dinosaur out of colored party napkins. I built a snowman in my yard at 2a, and then dismantled it, put it in my car, drove to a friend's house, and assembled it in their yard at 3a. I made a nifty piece of sex/bondage furniture (will not go into details on here). Oh, I went to Starbucks and through a Taco Bell drive thru wearing the costume and mask from the Scream/Scary Movie. And these are just some of the mild thing.

And you should see me when I have caffeine. It got to the point my friends and coworkers were going to ban Starbucks from serving me anything.
 
2013-02-12 01:30:16 PM  

IAMBOB: The top part of this thread was so full of win, the bottom was like when you're wanking it to some really hot porn and you accidentally click on a random link


Well...what would you prescribe to fix this issue? ;)
 
2013-02-12 01:35:35 PM  

Kiradikash: IAMBOB: The top part of this thread was so full of win, the bottom was like when you're wanking it to some really hot porn and you accidentally click on a random link

Well...what would you prescribe to fix this issue? ;)


Seems like masturbation might be a good solution. And if not... well at least you got off, right?
 
2013-02-12 01:35:54 PM  

Kiradikash: Hmmm...I have never got in trouble for my weirdness while bored. Lol.

I have made paper clothes for a toy dinosaur out of colored party napkins. I built a snowman in my yard at 2a, and then dismantled it, put it in my car, drove to a friend's house, and assembled it in their yard at 3a. I made a nifty piece of sex/bondage furniture (will not go into details on here). Oh, I went to Starbucks and through a Taco Bell drive thru wearing the costume and mask from the Scream/Scary Movie. And these are just some of the mild thing.

And you should see me when I have caffeine. It got to the point my friends and coworkers were going to ban Starbucks from serving me anything.


Haha, you certainly know how to get weird!  I would totally love to hear more stories. :P
 
2013-02-12 01:36:52 PM  
Well, we could get back on subject.  makes me miss my college g/f she had no qualms about masturbating in front of me, and encouraged me to do the same in front of her.  I'd say she was the most sexually uninhibited person I've ever dated.

/too bad she's happily married now - lucky farker
 
2013-02-12 01:44:56 PM  

IAMBOB: Well, we could get back on subject.  makes me miss my college g/f she had no qualms about masturbating in front of me, and encouraged me to do the same in front of her.  I'd say she was the most sexually uninhibited person I've ever dated.

/too bad she's happily married now - lucky farker


You know the same ex I started this thread out talking about, also used to call me a nympho because my sex drive was higher than his? He would be happy with 1-2 times a week. How dare I want it more than that! Got to the point he told me to buy a dildo and leave him alone. :(
 
2013-02-12 01:48:34 PM  
1-2x a week?  Sheesh, she wanted it at least 3-4x a day.  I was more than happy to oblige, fortunately I was very fit back then, not sure I could keep that up now, but darn if I wouldn't be willing to try.
 
2013-02-12 02:05:48 PM  

Kiradikash: IAMBOB: Well, we could get back on subject.  makes me miss my college g/f she had no qualms about masturbating in front of me, and encouraged me to do the same in front of her.  I'd say she was the most sexually uninhibited person I've ever dated.

/too bad she's happily married now - lucky farker

You know the same ex I started this thread out talking about, also used to call me a nympho because my sex drive was higher than his? He would be happy with 1-2 times a week. How dare I want it more than that! Got to the point he told me to buy a dildo and leave him alone. :(


It's unfortunate how often that happens with couples.  Of course, any given mixtures or matches of drives can come up with problems as such.  Some of the worst relationships I've seen(or been in) were 2 people with high drives, just didn't have much in common to bond over otherwise, and when libido slowed(due to work, illness or separation(IE work travel or something), all kinds of problems popped up.  That's no fun either.
 
2013-02-12 02:22:02 PM  

Kiradikash: IAMBOB: Well, we could get back on subject.  makes me miss my college g/f she had no qualms about masturbating in front of me, and encouraged me to do the same in front of her.  I'd say she was the most sexually uninhibited person I've ever dated.

/too bad she's happily married now - lucky farker

You know the same ex I started this thread out talking about, also used to call me a nympho because my sex drive was higher than his? He would be happy with 1-2 times a week. How dare I want it more than that! Got to the point he told me to buy a dildo and leave him alone. :(


I can see saying "buy a dildo and let me watch". But leave me alone? Thats just..... I'm not super high sex drive but I still don't get it
 
2013-02-12 02:23:34 PM  
Very true, I've been in relationships with women that had much lower libidos, but we got along fine until the sex drive, or lack of it rather got in the way.  But on the other side, of the few that have had the same or higher only a handful worked out for longer than a few months due to personality conflicts or BBC syndrome (B*tch Be Crazy).
It's good to find the fine line of someone who enjoys it, but doesn't crave it and won't push you off cause you've already done your allotted doses for the week. Especially if it's someone you can get along with and won't accost you for spending a few minutes in the shower, or online alone.
haven't found it yet, so I have to keep looking.
 
2013-02-12 02:35:18 PM  

Kiradikash: IAMBOB: Well, we could get back on subject.  makes me miss my college g/f she had no qualms about masturbating in front of me, and encouraged me to do the same in front of her.  I'd say she was the most sexually uninhibited person I've ever dated.

/too bad she's happily married now - lucky farker

You know the same ex I started this thread out talking about, also used to call me a nympho because my sex drive was higher than his? He would be happy with 1-2 times a week. How dare I want it more than that! Got to the point he told me to buy a dildo and leave him alone. :(


Hey, I dated that guy.  He told me we should save sex for weekends so it would be "more special".  Curbed.  Upgraded.

//I also like to watch
 
2013-02-12 02:41:31 PM  
I've never had a problem doing that in front of a chick.
/shrug
//was fun
///also a turn on
 
2013-02-12 02:46:21 PM  

WeAllShallFall: I've never had a problem doing that in front of a chick.
/shrug
//was fun
///also a turn on


Absolutely. And if she's laying next to me, touching me and giving encouragement... err.... brb
 
2013-02-12 03:09:29 PM  

Kiradikash: WeAllShallFall: Kiradikash: Well... no one wants to see me bored. I tend to find really weird things to do when I am bored. There have been times I have left my friends thinking "WTF?!" after me being bored and having time on my hands. :P

Well, when I am bored, my mind tends to wonder as well. Sometimes, it ends up getting me into trouble or people end up thinking.. what the hell is wrong with him? Lol.

Hmmm...I have never got in trouble for my weirdness while bored. Lol.

I have made paper clothes for a toy dinosaur out of colored party napkins. I built a snowman in my yard at 2a, and then dismantled it, put it in my car, drove to a friend's house, and assembled it in their yard at 3a. I made a nifty piece of sex/bondage furniture (will not go into details on here). Oh, I went to Starbucks and through a Taco Bell drive thru wearing the costume and mask from the Scream/Scary Movie. And these are just some of the mild thing.

And you should see me when I have caffeine. It got to the point my friends and coworkers were going to ban Starbucks from serving me anything.


OK,  I have to know about this furniture.
 
2013-02-12 03:10:14 PM  

IAMBOB: 1-2x a week?  Sheesh, she wanted it at least 3-4x a day.  I was more than happy to oblige, fortunately I was very fit back then, not sure I could keep that up now, but darn if I wouldn't be willing to try.


Understandable. I was not wanting it to the point it interfered with every day life. Just more than he did. My issue is that he felt this made me a "nympho" because I wanted it more than him.
 
2013-02-12 03:23:24 PM  
Wanting it more than your guy does not by any means make one a nympho, just passionate about your man.  now my ex, yeah she kinda leaned that way.  She wanted it to a bit of an extreme, but we worked it out to where it didn't interfere with daily life. it also helped that we were living together at the time.  oddly enough once we broke up her appetite dwindled, but was still pretty ferocious compared to your 1-2x/ week guy.

honestly wish I'd married her, and not for the sex.  we're still friends, and get along pretty well, but I'm seriously jealous of her current guy.  He hasn't had a job since they've been together, and she's fine with that. All he has to do is cook and clean and she pays the bills.  They don't even have any kids.  THAT COULD BE ME!  Dude must have a tongue like Gene Simmons.
 
2013-02-12 09:36:36 PM  
I'm a girl who faps in the shower, so I'm getting a kick...

...at the shower door.
 
2013-02-12 10:33:16 PM  

Atomic Spunk: I think Kiradikash is a rare exception. Every time I am hanging out in a parking lot or stairwell and I see a woman, I have tried to demonstrate how I masturbate, but they usually scream and run the other way. Women are generally afraid of masturbating men.


I usually prefer to just open my mouth and close my eyes. I don't understand most women. Hop in and help, for god's sake!

/seriously
 
2013-02-12 10:34:04 PM  

Spaced Lion: By the power vested in me, I now declare this a Fark AW ThreadTM.


PS- sorry I'm late :)
 
2013-02-13 02:33:18 AM  

empres77: I'm a girl who faps in the shower, so I'm getting a kick...

...at the shower door.


go on.....zip
 
2013-02-13 07:34:09 AM  

kiwimoogle84: Atomic Spunk: I think Kiradikash is a rare exception. Every time I am hanging out in a parking lot or stairwell and I see a woman, I have tried to demonstrate how I masturbate, but they usually scream and run the other way. Women are generally afraid of masturbating men.

I usually prefer to just open my mouth and close my eyes. I don't understand most women. Hop in and help, for god's sake!

/seriously


You're a wonderful person
 
2013-02-13 03:56:46 PM  
I enjoy watching too, hubby gave me a fantasy this way...
 
2013-02-13 04:03:10 PM  
I hate when that happens.
 
2013-02-13 09:11:19 PM  
If I don't have an emission at least once every few days I get extremely uncomfortable, a few days more and I get that uncomfortable, 15 minutes after getting hit in the nuts kind of feeling in the bladder area. I never been blessed with a wet dream, so I feel rubbing it out or sex on demand is somewhat of a necessity..

I just assume most guys are like this. In that light being uptight about wanking, unless you are,down, anytime, anywhere is a little sadistic,,,
 
2013-02-13 10:18:10 PM  

dforkus: I just assume most guys are like this


That could be a mistake, you sound a little weird to me.

I just get a craving, as I do for a cigarette after a meal. (IF you don't know habitual addiction like that, don't know how else to relate it)

Certainly not the same as caffeine. I used to get withdrawl headaches from that, but that was it.

Hm, ever had a gambling or video gaming addiction?

Really, all I experience is heightened anticipation if it's been a while.  Like your mouth watering when you're hungry.
No pain, no shakes(well maybe if I'm on the cusp of getting my fix, but that's a nervous energy thing), no grumpiness, etc.

Maybe your system is heavily addicted to the endorphins(or whatever natural pleasure hormones that get you high are called), and you suffer more extensive withdrawls like some harder drug users do.
 
2013-02-14 08:44:15 AM  
You are probably right, I am weird, that's why I said assume.
I've never been a tobacco user, or a problem gambler, and haven't really gamed much since my early 20s.


No hairy palms, although my beard does grow ridiculously fast.
Since sex or the occasional wank lets me function as a normal father/husband/employee I'm not overly worried.
I'm 40 and can still pull off a back-to-back in the sack so I got that going for me I guess...
 
Displayed 155 of 155 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report