Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Sun News Network)   There's a good chance the next pope will be Canadian. Ehmen   (sunnewsnetwork.ca) divider line 178
    More: Interesting, Canadians, NCR, National Catholic Reporter, John Paul II, Gibraltar, pope, Ladbrokes, western hemispheres  
•       •       •

7172 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 6:25 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



178 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-02-11 05:49:55 PM  
♪♫Papal Reign, Papal Reign...♪♫Papal Reign, Papal Reign... ♪♫Papal Reign, Papal Reign... I only want to see a Canuck praying through a Papal Reign, Papal Reign... ♪♫
 
2013-02-11 05:58:47 PM  
Finally, someone willing to apologize for the actions of the church.
 
2013-02-11 05:59:33 PM  
There's a good chance the next pope will be Canadian. EhSemen
 
2013-02-11 06:22:50 PM  
Pope Molson I
 
2013-02-11 06:27:56 PM  

BKITU: Pope Molson I


Pope Labatt Blue I

(New color scheme needed for outfits.)
 
2013-02-11 06:28:07 PM  
Unlikely. Poutine is the Devil's work.
 
2013-02-11 06:28:22 PM  
It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.
 
2013-02-11 06:28:38 PM  
So, the bread and syrup of Christ, and hockey as a sacrament?
 
2013-02-11 06:28:46 PM  
They could make Cardinal Law the next pope and have a Mexican and American pope at the same time.  He also has plenty of expertise covering up major problems too.
 
2013-02-11 06:28:59 PM  
Over my dead body eh!
 
2013-02-11 06:29:31 PM  
"Bless these maple trees, for they provide the syrup of breakfast-time......"
 
2013-02-11 06:30:12 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


You're talking about the Catholic Church here.
 
2013-02-11 06:30:12 PM  
static03.mediaite.com


PLACE YOUR BETS!
 
2013-02-11 06:30:41 PM  
Out with the bratwurst, and in with the poutine and maple syrup!

The official line is Canada 3/1 over Guana 4/1! Rounding the final pole.......
 
2013-02-11 06:31:33 PM  
Just gonna get this out of the way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOqDnmhtm-4

and this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RHVoFpncgA

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Finally, someone willing to apologize for the actions of the church.


Yeah, but it'll be a passive aggressive apology which is really a thinly veiled criticism.
 
2013-02-11 06:31:53 PM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2013-02-11 06:32:09 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Finally, someone willing to apologize for the actions of the church.


done in 2
 
2013-02-11 06:32:43 PM  
I like that headline.
 
2013-02-11 06:32:57 PM  
Ohh fark we are all doomed
 
2013-02-11 06:32:59 PM  
"The Holy Trinity:  Neil, Geddy, and Alex....."
 
2013-02-11 06:33:22 PM  
Tim Hortons to become the holy sacrament
 
2013-02-11 06:33:56 PM  
Upon his appointment to the position, he will insist on being crowned with a ceremonial toque.
 
2013-02-11 06:33:57 PM  
Like Canadian Canadian or a blah
 
2013-02-11 06:33:58 PM  
The college of cardinals will have nunavut.
 
2013-02-11 06:34:16 PM  
Damn. Thought I could get a green:

In nomine Patri, et Filii, et Spiritus Hockey

/Clever, subs
 
2013-02-11 06:34:28 PM  
Really? The Italians haven't had a Pope in 35 years; do you think they're gonna let a third non-Italian in a row get elected?
 
2013-02-11 06:34:30 PM  
Ostie de câlice de tabarnac.

/cussing on fark.  shame on me.
 
2013-02-11 06:36:06 PM  
The hell I say.

The day I have a Godless Canadian telling me what to do is the day I exercise my second amendment rights and shoot rome in the face.
 
2013-02-11 06:36:16 PM  
Pope Nickelback I
 
2013-02-11 06:38:10 PM  
I hope not.  If he said anything controversial the pot-banging would be intolerable.
 
2013-02-11 06:39:38 PM  
media.comicvine.com

"G'day!"

(It's either him or the ni...)
 
2013-02-11 06:39:40 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


Apply that sound logic to who is primarily running the government and businesses and boy howdy it gets scary quick. There is much to be said for years of experience, maturity and wisdom it's true. We have to also remember that the big cheese is often not much more than a symbolic figurehead, a point of reference. The big and important decisions are usually left to a round table of many minds sharing views and differing input.

I just hope no future Popes are ex-Nazis.
 
2013-02-11 06:40:02 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Finally, someone willing to apologize for the actions of the church.


Now if only we could get him to apologize for being Canadian.
 
2013-02-11 06:40:06 PM  

JohnAnnArbor: Pope Nickelback I


♪♫ Look at this popemobile. Every time I do it's so unreal.♪♫ I worked for JP II back then. I haven't seen him since God knows when...Heeeeeeyyyyyyaaaaaahhh♪♫

♪♫ All the memories of voting in the conclave, all the altar boys in the nave it's hard to say it time to say it, Eh meeeen, ehmeeeeeeennn..♪♫
 
2013-02-11 06:40:13 PM  

TheManofPA: Tim Hortons to become the holy sacrament


It isn't already?
 
2013-02-11 06:40:19 PM  
Collection of betting odds for Pope

My faves:
666/1 Richard Dawkins
1000/1 Bono
2000/1 Madonna
2000/1 Oprah Winfrey
2500/1 Silvio Berlusconi
5000/1 Tony Blair
10000/1 Lance Armstrong
 
2013-02-11 06:40:41 PM  
And now the new Pope is tearing the arms off the cardinal, as is tradition.
 
2013-02-11 06:41:12 PM  
"so, in closing, ok, you can't let the Devil go five-hole on you, ok?  You need to live right, ok, and not be such a hoser.  Send Satan to the penalty box for a five minute major, ok, and don't be sore-y, ok?  be blessed.  Even those wankers in BC that aren't real canadians.  AND GO LEAFS"
 
2013-02-11 06:41:38 PM  

WippitGuud: TheManofPA: Tim Hortons to become the holy sacrament

It isn't already?


What, it's the only readily available thing that tastes worse than the cracker thingies?
 
2013-02-11 06:42:00 PM  

JohnAnnArbor: Pope Nickelback Celine DionI


FTFY; he's Quebecois.
 
2013-02-11 06:42:05 PM  
All sounds latin to me.
 
2013-02-11 06:42:08 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


Don't get me started on the Canadian Senate.
 
2013-02-11 06:43:38 PM  
Can't we have an American Pope, and just sew a maple leaf flag to his vestments?
 
2013-02-11 06:43:54 PM  
After he's elected, he'll call himself Pope Maurice Richard II.
 
2013-02-11 06:45:46 PM  
Communion bacon? I might just go for that
 
2013-02-11 06:45:54 PM  
Subby... you mean the first America Jr. Pope?
 
2013-02-11 06:47:40 PM  
Do I have to do everything myself?

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2013-02-11 06:47:56 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: Out with the bratwurst, and in with the poutine and maple syrup!

The official line is Canada 3/1 over Guana 4/1! Rounding the final pole.......


That's a shiatty country.
 
2013-02-11 06:48:35 PM  
The papal field is notoriously wide-open. I think last time the networks had dozens and dozens of graphics lined up for when the name got announced- I want to say somewhere in the range of 60- because they had no freaking clue which one they were going to actually need.
 
2013-02-11 06:50:10 PM  

Gosling: The papal field is notoriously wide-open.


Didn't we already have a thread about why he's stepping down?
 
2013-02-11 06:50:29 PM  
will this in any way affect my ability to get some poutine (REAL poutine. shredded mozzarella != cheese curds) in the southern half of the USA?
 
2013-02-11 06:50:35 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


1) Aging is the best thing ever. Slow, fragile, unreliable brains in failing bodies are obviously better than young, fast, fully functional people.

2) God directly watches over his PR rep here on Earth, so Popes must be immortal and never get sick.
 
2013-02-11 06:51:16 PM  
The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...
 
2013-02-11 06:53:17 PM  

fusillade762: Pointy Tail of Satan: Out with the bratwurst, and in with the poutine and maple syrup!

The official line is Canada 3/1 over Guana 4/1! Rounding the final pole.......

That's a shiatty country.


Don't make fun of our next Poop.
 
2013-02-11 06:53:56 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


Yeah, but they are closer to dying, thus God
 
2013-02-11 06:56:02 PM  
Goodbye to the Dick Cheney of popes.
 
2013-02-11 06:56:26 PM  

Fano: Yeah, but they are closer to dying, thus God


By that logic, we should be touting Adam Lanza and James Holmes as living saints.
 
2013-02-11 06:56:47 PM  
What the new Popemobile may look like.

i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-11 06:57:48 PM  

indylaw: Goodbye to the Dick Cheney of popes.


"Altare pueri saluta liberatores "
 
2013-02-11 07:00:54 PM  
These are the Popes I know I know, these are the Popes I know!

www.dvdtalk.com
 
2013-02-11 07:01:08 PM  
His staff will be a hockey stick.
 
2013-02-11 07:01:43 PM  

flucto: WippitGuud: TheManofPA: Tim Hortons to become the holy sacrament

It isn't already?

What, it's the only readily available thing that tastes worse than the cracker thingies?


"Eat this Timbit and remember me"

"Drink of this Molson..."
 
2013-02-11 07:02:11 PM  
I dub him the Canadope.
 
2013-02-11 07:02:22 PM  
I think the black guy is gonna get it.
 
2013-02-11 07:02:34 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

What's the principal doin' with her, O Lord?
Who's that guy, is he screwing with her?
What's her perfume? Tigress by Fabergé, amen.
She makes me cream my jeans, O Jesus
When she's coming my way, Lord.
 
2013-02-11 07:03:51 PM  

the801: will this in any way affect my ability to get some poutine (REAL poutine. shredded mozzarella != cheese curds) in the southern half of the USA?


You'll eat your biscuits and gravy and be happy, dammit!  We need to enforce strict boundary lines in our regional artery exploding dishes.

/you're right that shredded mozzarella is BS compared to real curds, though
//I live in a state surrounded by Canada on two sides and I either have to drive an hour or two or wait until my brother visits from Wisconsin to get decent curds
///that's probably a good thing
 
2013-02-11 07:04:12 PM  

Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...


If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.
 
2013-02-11 07:05:04 PM  
I wonder if the current Pope gets to vote? They don't often have a live Pope when the next one is elected. He could still be a Cardinal unless he resigns that office as well. Could be a clever move on his part to ensure a conservative is elected. Unless he has a lot of enemies, he could carry a fairly sizeable number of votes if the voting was tight, or at least eliminate a number of liberal candidates in the first round of voting.

As for Marc Oullette becoming Pope, maybe next time, but I don't know if he is close enough to the current Pope in doctrine. He's conservative by North American standards but is he conservative enough?

It's very likely that a similar American candidate would be right out of the running barring Divine Intervention. Not only is the American church too liberal for much of the top ranks and the new churches in Africa and Latin America, some of them still burning with witch-hunting fervour (literally burning, if you count the witches), but an American would be a political dead-end unless he was walking on water without a scuba thingie just in case of a sudden squall or lapse in Faith.

I don't think a Canadian would be as politically suspect, but he wouldn't be a fav unless he was orthodox to the bone and popular with the New Christians who are increasingly over-whelming Old Europe and Not-so-Old America with their numbers, their youth, and their zeal.

It's nice to dream, but I'm not losing a lot of sleep.

Then again, I'll have to update my family tree. I'm sure there's more than a couple of Oullettes in there.

I don't think I have a Pope in my collection. A couple of French Canadian saints, scores of bishops and archbishops, hundreds of priests, but no Pope yet. I'm descended from a few Roman Catholic bishops from the old days when they were still allowed to marry and have children (at least before becoming bishop).

Don't be surprised if a dark horse is elected Pope. Or a red, white, or yellow horse. We've only got a couple of Popes left in Saint Malachy's list, although he may have missed a few. The last Pope is supposed to be a Peter, just like the first one. Maybe he'll be Jewish.
 ; )
 
2013-02-11 07:05:52 PM  

Dragonflew: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 450x378]

What's the principal doin' with her, O Lord?
Who's that guy, is he screwing with her?
What's her perfume? Tigress by Fabergé, amen.
She makes me cream my jeans, O Jesus
When she's coming my way, Lord.


Hah!
 
2013-02-11 07:06:04 PM  

skinink: These are the Popes I know I know, these are the Popes I know!

[www.dvdtalk.com image 310x307]


You magnificent bastard.  Now that's gonna be in my head all.  Freaking.  Day.

/Most of us are Italian
//but some of us are not
///we all have our own hands
////but we come from different Moms!
 
2013-02-11 07:07:07 PM  
So sorta like my girlfriend?
 
2013-02-11 07:07:13 PM  

semiotix: I dub him the Canadope.


College of Cadanals

/Canadulls?
 
2013-02-11 07:07:48 PM  
Can we write-in William Shatner as a candidate?
 
2013-02-11 07:11:44 PM  
the pope said he would not participate in conclave
 
2013-02-11 07:13:57 PM  
Wasn't there a scene in that Tom Hanks movie about selecting the next Pope that showed them going to different reporters, each reporting that their countries candidate was the current favorite?
 
2013-02-11 07:14:20 PM  

ds_4815: What the new Popemobile may look like.

[i.imgur.com image 500x647]


Damn, that's a lot better than my joke
www.thescifiworld.net
Only two of them are Canuck anyway
 
2013-02-11 07:15:27 PM  

brantgoose: I wonder if the current Pope gets to vote? They don't often have a live Pope when the next one is elected. He could still be a Cardinal unless he resigns that office as well.


I thought so too, but according to the papal scholars over at slate.com, one leaves the College of Cardinals in order to become pope.

Even if he were a cardinal, he's over the maximum conclave voting age. Once you turn 80, they don't give your wrinkly ass a say anymore.
 
2013-02-11 07:17:21 PM  
Most African Christians are Protestants. The Cardinals would have to be among the world's biggest idiots to elect a very young black man to be the first non-European Pope just as a 'LOOK HOW INCLUSIVE WE ARE' publicity stunt, especially when he has the name of the man foretold to be occupying that office when the world ends.
 
2013-02-11 07:17:48 PM  
Take off, eh!
 
2013-02-11 07:19:06 PM  

Gosling: Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...

If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.


The trend is towards more worldliness though. 80%+ of the popes have been Italian, but neither of the past 2 have been Italian. I actually expect them to leave Europe for this selection. Lots of pressure for the Cardinals to leave their little European bubble.

Anyone have guesses for the papal name?
 
2013-02-11 07:20:40 PM  

Supes: Gosling: Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...

If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.

The trend is towards more worldliness though. 80%+ of the popes have been Italian, but neither of the past 2 have been Italian. I actually expect them to leave Europe for this selection. Lots of pressure for the Cardinals to leave their little European bubble.

Anyone have guesses for the papal name?


I wouldn't bet against John Paul III.
 
2013-02-11 07:23:53 PM  

doyner: Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?

I wouldn't bet against John Jean Paul III.


FTFQuebecers
 
2013-02-11 07:24:39 PM  
if they elect a non-white non-european i will buy friggin everyone in here totalfark.  no way in hell they elect a non-white.  theyre like the republican party, but not as tolerant.

heck i think even brown spanish/portuguese types are extremely unlikely.
 
2013-02-11 07:25:03 PM  

Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?


They have a script to follow.
 
2013-02-11 07:25:54 PM  
I've read stories the the next Pope will be African, Asian (Chinese specifically), American, Canadian, Italian, and Brazilian.

The Cardinals will conclave then we will know who the next Pope will "be"
 
2013-02-11 07:28:20 PM  
Called it, dweebs.

http://www.fark.com/comments/7585862/82438205#c82438205

/I demand $50 for each use of that concept.
 
2013-02-11 07:29:47 PM  
Supes:
Anyone have guesses for the papal name?

Pope Jesus II
 
2013-02-11 07:30:33 PM  

Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?


I think it'd be a good idea if they made a new one as a way of symbolizing a fresh start. Besides, the Roman numerals are getting a bit high. I don't think we need John 49ers-55-Broncos-10 or Benedict Redskins-27-Dolphins-17 or Clement Raiders-27-Eagles-10 or Innocent Steelers-31-Rams-19.
 
2013-02-11 07:31:05 PM  

skinink: These are the Popes I know I know, these are the Popes I know!


Thanks for reminding me of that song, and for the lulz.
+1
 
2013-02-11 07:32:48 PM  

TheManofPA: Tim Hortons to become the holy sacrament


If they replace the cannibal crackers with banana Tim Bits I'll renounce my atheist ways and accept the body of Christ.

/bring back banana Tim Bits
 
2013-02-11 07:35:06 PM  
Degoing to have a Wopulatity contest to see who Guinnies up the most votes.
 
2013-02-11 07:36:28 PM  
Anyone needing Cheese Curds, here's a recipe, you need to buy cultures but other than that it's fairly simple:

http://www.cheesemaking.com/Recipe_CheeseCurds.html

Even in Ontario it's a bit of a pain to find cheese curds and they can be expensive. Damn Quebecois eat them up.
 
2013-02-11 07:36:29 PM  

Snarfangel: Can't we have an American Pope, and just sew a maple leaf flag to his vestments?


Don't give Trump any ideas.

/Pope Bieber
 
2013-02-11 07:38:53 PM  
Wanted: New leadership for the largest organized homosexual pedophilia club in the world.

Apply within:

investorplace.com
 
2013-02-11 07:39:01 PM  

KrispyKritter: I just hope no future Popes are ex-Nazis.


About that:
 
2013-02-11 07:39:47 PM  

shortymac: Anyone needing Cheese Curds, here's a recipe, you need to buy cultures but other than that it's fairly simple:

http://www.cheesemaking.com/Recipe_CheeseCurds.html

Even in Ontario it's a bit of a pain to find cheese curds and they can be expensive. Damn Quebecois eat them up.


God what I wouldn't give for some fried cheese curds right now.
 
2013-02-11 07:41:55 PM  

ariseatex: Collection of betting odds for Pope

My faves:
666/1 Richard Dawkins


That is awesome.
 
2013-02-11 07:41:59 PM  
CanadiEn, subby. Anyways, this Turcotte dude is old-school Catholic. If he were a Muslim he'd be considered fundamentalist.
 
2013-02-11 07:42:46 PM  
Blame Canada budy
 
2013-02-11 07:44:30 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


We don't want Popes who reign as long as monarchs. At least, that's what I think is the reason. Not entirely sure.
 
2013-02-11 07:45:40 PM  

thebaconmaster: Blame Canada budy


I'm not your buddy, friend.
 
2013-02-11 07:48:47 PM  

shortymac: Anyone needing Cheese Curds, here's a recipe, you need to buy cultures but other than that it's fairly simple:

http://www.cheesemaking.com/Recipe_CheeseCurds.html

Even in Ontario it's a bit of a pain to find cheese curds and they can be expensive. Damn Quebecois eat them up.


You come into Wisconsin and they're around every corner. We've got a nice little cheese pantry in my neighborhood with all sorts of the good stuff (not that you see any curds on the website, but they're in the store). There are similar pantries all over the state, to say nothing of the curds available in pretty much any dairy section in any grocery store.
 
2013-02-11 07:49:44 PM  
www.kcet.org
Jesús Salvador Treviño

They should get this guy. He's non-european, he directed a sci-fi TV episode about cosmic prophecy fulfillment, and how could they not let him keep his own name?
 
2013-02-11 07:49:46 PM  
According to Malachi Martin, the next pope will be an antipope,  Haven't seen one of those since Felix V.
 
2013-02-11 07:51:21 PM  

brantgoose: Don't be surprised if a dark horse is elected Pope. Or a red, white, or yellow horse. We've only got a couple of Popes left in Saint Malachy's list, although he may have missed a few. The last Pope is supposed to be a Peter, just like the first one. Maybe he'll be Jewish.


The guy who is frontrunner (the only person ahead of this Canadian in the betting) is Cardinal Peter Turkson from Ghana.
 
2013-02-11 07:52:55 PM  

StrikitRich: According to Malachi Martin, the next pope will be an antipope,  Haven't seen one of those since Felix V.


Oh, good. Don't worry, Vatican, the cure is on its way. We'll flush that Ratzingitis out of your system in no time.
 
2013-02-11 07:53:05 PM  
pope pimpdawg worldstar xxx
 
2013-02-11 07:53:18 PM  
i277.photobucket.com

One of these guys?
 
2013-02-11 07:54:22 PM  

StrikitRich: According to Malachi Martin, the next pope will be an antipope,  Haven't seen one of those since Felix V.


Depends on how you define "antipope". There are several antipopes as it is now... all laying claim to the See of Rome, and really... all of them make Ol' Benny 16 look lke an all-around reasonable guy.
 
2013-02-11 07:55:38 PM  
And Jesus said "Get behind me Satan" and lo, did he then jersey Lucifer, who in his arrogance had not worn tie downs.
 
2013-02-11 07:56:58 PM  

Marine1: thebaconmaster: Blame Canada budy

I'm not your buddy, friend.


You're not my buddy, guy!
 
2013-02-11 07:57:22 PM  
The fact that he doesn't seem to really want the job is probably the best sign he should get it.
 
2013-02-11 07:58:15 PM  
They really need a younger, more vigorous guy to drag the Church back into the 19th century.
 
2013-02-11 07:58:19 PM  
i1182.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-11 07:59:22 PM  

Flappyhead: And Jesus said "Get behind me Satan" and lo, did he then jersey Lucifer, who in his arrogance had not worn tie downs.


Jesus saves! Rebound, Gretzky scores!
 
2013-02-11 07:59:43 PM  

Digitalstrange: The fact that he doesn't seem to really want the job is probably the best sign he should get it.


Tried that with Celestine V. He ended up asking the King of Sicily what to do all the time, got denounced as a pawn, resigned 5 months afterwards, and his successor threw him into a dungeon to die as part of a display of power.

Good times were had by all.
 
2013-02-11 08:01:07 PM  

Fano: Flappyhead: And Jesus said "Get behind me Satan" and lo, did he then jersey Lucifer, who in his arrogance had not worn tie downs.

Jesus saves! Rebound, Gretzky scores!


I would have also accepted Esposito, Ciccarelli and Robitaille.
 
2013-02-11 08:01:29 PM  
I hope it's Arinze. If only because the idea of a black pope will really, really disturb the minds of a lot of old white people.


Also, because even though he has terrible views on women and gay people, he believes priests should live humble lives and serve the poor. Which is a huge improvement over the last guy who had terrible views on women, gay people, AND poor people.
 
2013-02-11 08:03:54 PM  

reillan: brantgoose: Don't be surprised if a dark horse is elected Pope. Or a red, white, or yellow horse. We've only got a couple of Popes left in Saint Malachy's list, although he may have missed a few. The last Pope is supposed to be a Peter, just like the first one. Maybe he'll be Jewish.

The guy who is frontrunner (the only person ahead of this Canadian in the betting) is Cardinal Peter Turkson from Ghana.


The Canadian led all day, not sure where this Ghana fella came from all of a sudden--he wasn't even top 3 in the UK bookies' lists this morning.
 
2013-02-11 08:04:59 PM  

Supes: Gosling: Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...

If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.

The trend is towards more worldliness though. 80%+ of the popes have been Italian, but neither of the past 2 have been Italian. I actually expect them to leave Europe for this selection. Lots of pressure for the Cardinals to leave their little European bubble.

Anyone have guesses for the papal name?


Petrus Romanus

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prophecy_of_the_Popes
 
2013-02-11 08:05:14 PM  
Too bad the vote doesn't use an electoral college or something like that... wait... what color is that smoke again?
 
2013-02-11 08:07:21 PM  
This is the last pope they ever get, so it had better be a good one.
 
2013-02-11 08:08:31 PM  

Digitalstrange: The fact that he doesn't seem to really want the job is probably the best sign he should get it.


Benedict never wanted to be elected. The pattern is, after a long papacy, they pick a "transitional pope" that won't be around forever. The idea being, they find a good candidate for pope during the lifetime of the transitional pope. In a transitional pope, they don't want a revolutionary; they want a guy that's going to stay the course.

/ despite a lot of flak about clothes, nazis and coverups; Benedict isn't even close to the worst pope ever. He's always said that he'd rather go back to being a regular priest than go on popeing

// popeing ain't easy yo
 
2013-02-11 08:10:16 PM  

iheartscotch: Marine1: thebaconmaster: Blame Canada budy

I'm not your buddy, friend.

You're not my buddy, guy!


HE'S NOT YOUR GUY, BUDDY!
 
2013-02-11 08:10:49 PM  

Genevieve Marie: I hope it's Arinze. If only because the idea of a black pope will really, really disturb the minds of a lot of old white people.


Also, because even though he has terrible views on women and gay people, he believes priests should live humble lives and serve the poor. Which is a huge improvement over the last guy who had terrible views on women, gay people, AND poor people.


Wouldn't be surprised that the Nigerian has some crappy views on women.

You know. Considering.how 'nigeria baby factory' returns 1.3 million Google results, populated with stories like this.
 
2013-02-11 08:12:18 PM  
if that clown can become Pope
then i can become a bishop
 
2013-02-11 08:13:02 PM  
Take off, Heathen!
 
2013-02-11 08:14:05 PM  
Imagine if he was french Canadien...

POPE PIERRE CANNOT SMOKE IN ZEE CHURCH?! TABERNAQUE! IL LUI A POGNÉ LES BOULES!!!!
 
2013-02-11 08:15:20 PM  
Nope. No f-ing way.
 
2013-02-11 08:16:45 PM  

puckrock2000: Really? The Italians haven't had a Pope in 35 years; do you think they're gonna let a third non-Italian in a row get elected?


Are they going to retroactively drug test JP and Emperor Palpatine?
 
2013-02-11 08:27:03 PM  
LMAO! A French Canadian pope Is just what the Catholics need. He'll fark things up in no time.
As for a name: Jean Paul D'pope
 
2013-02-11 08:29:26 PM  

lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.


As a bonus, the older he is the sooner he croaks, the sooner they can replace him if he does something stupid. And by selecting a Canadien you know he is going to croak the first time he talks.

frestcrallen: lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.

Don't get me started on the Canadian Senate.


What, that is where we put old people so they have no say in actually running anything.

puckrock2000: Really? The Italians haven't had a Pope in 35 years; do you think they're gonna let a third non-Italian in a row get elected?


A couple of reasons that isn't the case: Politics and wanting to reinforce the religion elsewhere will push for a pope from outside Italy, this will particularly lead to a push for someone from Africa or Latin America, the two largest strongholds of the church (news stories about Oullet are sure to mention his time in South America). Next, historically most of the electors were Italian, but that is no longer the case as a greater proportion of the Church moves away from Europe (and the high ranking church members are more local  than in the past), which along with modern transportation has put more foreigners working with the in the church in Rome and allowing cardinals from all over the world to quickly and easily get to Rome for the election. So, while Italians are the largest group of electors, they are far from the majority they used to have, with just 28 of 118 electors and requiring 79 for election.
I wouldn't rule it out, but there in't any big force to make them pick an Italian.
 
2013-02-11 08:31:51 PM  
FTFA: News of Pope Benedict's surprise retirement rekindled speculation that high-ranking Canadian Marc Cardinal Ouellet could be named the first-ever pope from the Western Hemisphere.

Nope.  There have been at least four popes from the Western Hemisphere

Pope Damasus I
Pope John XXI
Pope Adrian IV
Pope Alexander VI

There are probably a couple more.
 
2013-02-11 08:38:49 PM  

Marine1: iheartscotch: Marine1: thebaconmaster: Blame Canada budy

I'm not your buddy, friend.

You're not my buddy, guy!

HE'S NOT YOUR GUY, BUDDY!


I'm not your buddy, pal.
 
2013-02-11 08:40:11 PM  

Gosling: Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...

If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.


The problem is that the Catholic Church, the College of Cardinals, the Papacy, and the Conclave are very different from what they were 100 years ago, let alone 500. Such history is meaningless. In the past the conclave was full of Italians and the Pope was the monarch of a large portion of Italy. Neither is the case any more.
 
2013-02-11 08:41:01 PM  

aerojockey: FTFA: News of Pope Benedict's surprise retirement rekindled speculation that high-ranking Canadian Marc Cardinal Ouellet could be named the first-ever pope from the Western Hemisphere.

Nope.  There have been at least four popes from the Western Hemisphere

Pope Damasus I
Pope John XXI
Pope Adrian IV
Pope Alexander VI

There are probably a couple more.


Do you know the definition of "Western Hemisphere" ?  I'm guessing no.
 
2013-02-11 08:41:42 PM  
i1164.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-11 08:43:47 PM  
Strikitrich According to Malachi Martin, the next pope will be an antipope,  Haven't seen one of those since Felix V.


That was a very entertaining Art Bell interview.
 
2013-02-11 08:45:00 PM  

OgreMagi: Do you know the definition of "Western Hemisphere" ? I'm guessing no.


Yep.
 
2013-02-11 08:48:09 PM  
I haven't filled in the middle steps from his father, Pierre, and his mother, Graziella Michaud, but Marc-Armand Ouellet is descended from François Ouellet, who was a tax-farmer of the five man tax-farms of France, basically the Finance Minister of France (in other words, a very, very rich man). It's a mystery why his son, René, would immigrate to America to become a simple farmer unless there is some error in the link. René worked under a number of assumed names so he might have been a bit of con artist or something although everybody changed their names quite freely in those days, picking up surnames or assuming a new name when they became a soldier or what not. He was apparently charged with murder shortly after the death of his first wife, but got off and went on to father eight more children by a second wife.

This René Ouellet(te) dit Auclair (also spelled Houalet) is my seventh great grandfather.

The Ouellet-te Family Association website names some notable family members, including the Cardinal, an Arch-Bishop (Gilles), and an American-born Bishop (André, born in Salam, MA). About par for the course in a big religious Catholic family, I'd say. I mean a really big one, capable of raising an army of military age men or manning a small national church.

If he becomes Pope, there will be a lot of happy and proud Roman Catholics in the USA and Canada to claim him as their very own Papal Collectible. He could out rank a Kennedy in the genealogical league tables. Well, almost. Maybe Frank Sinatra.
 
2013-02-11 08:50:51 PM  

OgreMagi: aerojockey: FTFA: News of Pope Benedict's surprise retirement rekindled speculation that high-ranking Canadian Marc Cardinal Ouellet could be named the first-ever pope from the Western Hemisphere.

Nope.  There have been at least four popes from the Western Hemisphere

Pope Damasus I
Pope John XXI
Pope Adrian IV
Pope Alexander VI

There are probably a couple more.

Do you know the definition of "Western Hemisphere" ?  I'm guessing no.


I think he means "Western Europe". I know that Pope Adrian IV was English without looking at Wikipedia.
 
2013-02-11 08:53:23 PM  

OgreMagi: Do you know the definition of "Western Hemisphere" ?  I'm guessing no.


The half of the world West of the Greenwich meridian extending to the 180 degree meridian, including all of Ireland, Scotland, and Purtugal, the vast majority of Spain and England, and a significant chunk of France. As well as a large swatch of northwest Africa and a bit of Russia as well as all of the Americas and a bunch of islands.

Apparently you don't, though.
 
2013-02-11 08:54:24 PM  

brantgoose: I think he means "Western Europe". I know that Pope Adrian IV was English without looking at Wikipedia.


I think someone's being pedantic, defining "Western Hemisphere" as anything West of Greenwich.
 
2013-02-11 08:56:38 PM  

brantgoose: I think he means "Western Europe". I know that Pope Adrian IV was English without looking at Wikipedia.


He was English, from an area West of London. The first two were from modern Portugal, and the last from Spain (and not the north eastern tip). So, all from the western hemisphere.
 
2013-02-11 08:58:05 PM  

semiotix: brantgoose: I wonder if the current Pope gets to vote? They don't often have a live Pope when the next one is elected. He could still be a Cardinal unless he resigns that office as well.

I thought so too, but according to the papal scholars over at slate.com, one leaves the College of Cardinals in order to become pope.

Even if he were a cardinal, he's over the maximum conclave voting age. Once you turn 80, they don't give your wrinkly ass a say anymore.


Probably because they don't want them dying in the conclave because there's no way to get them out before the next Pope is elected. The stove used to send the message that a Pope is elected is too small to cremate a Cardinal and it would just send the wrong message. In the past, Cardinals have died in lengthy Conclaves and they had to stack the bodies at the back of the room. Bad enough to be put on a bread and water diet if the vote runs into too many ballots.

Thanks for clearing up my questions. I've been busy with the genealogical side of things.
 
2013-02-11 09:01:25 PM  
I just did a GIS for "Bacon Pope." It was a lot more disturbing than I expected.
 
2013-02-11 09:03:39 PM  

brantgoose: Bad enough to be put on a bread and water diet if the vote runs into too many ballots.


Well, the two problems solve each other.
 
2013-02-11 09:03:58 PM  

iheartscotch: Digitalstrange: The fact that he doesn't seem to really want the job is probably the best sign he should get it.

Benedict never wanted to be elected. The pattern is, after a long papacy, they pick a "transitional pope" that won't be around forever. The idea being, they find a good candidate for pope during the lifetime of the transitional pope. In a transitional pope, they don't want a revolutionary; they want a guy that's going to stay the course.

/ despite a lot of flak about clothes, nazis and coverups; Benedict isn't even close to the worst pope ever. He's always said that he'd rather go back to being a regular priest than go on popeing

// popeing ain't easy yo



It is if you keep your Popehand strong
 
2013-02-11 09:07:56 PM  
Well if its Peter of Rome, say your prayers
 
2013-02-11 09:08:11 PM  
Pope Bubbles I
 
2013-02-11 09:09:09 PM  

Gosling: Huron77: The next pope will be an Obama recess appointment...

If it's Arinze, my God, the derp we're going to hear.

Though realistically, the papacy has followed the following nationality:

217- Italy
17- France
13- Greece
8- Germany
6- Syria
3- Indeterminate locations in Roman Africa (along the Mediterranean, most likely Algeria, Tunisia or Libya)
2- Portugal
2- Spain
1- Netherlands
1- Palestine
1- Poland
1- United Kingdom

Count on it staying in Europe.


Africa  or the latin version was a refrence to Libya - Tunisia, as in the Roman colony of Africa.
the UK pope, Sylvester II,  was Italian, though had lived in England while Archbishop of Canturbury.
the Netherlands Pope is the previous resignation Pope.
 
2013-02-11 09:11:57 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-11 09:17:38 PM  

madgordy: the UK pope, Sylvester II,  was Italian, though had lived in England while Archbishop of Canturbury.


I believe it refers to the born and raised in Hertfordshire. Who never served the Church in England.

madgordy: the Netherlands Pope is the previous resignation Pope.


Adrian VI did not resign.
 
2013-02-11 10:06:03 PM  

Gosling: shortymac: Anyone needing Cheese Curds, here's a recipe, you need to buy cultures but other than that it's fairly simple:

http://www.cheesemaking.com/Recipe_CheeseCurds.html

Even in Ontario it's a bit of a pain to find cheese curds and they can be expensive. Damn Quebecois eat them up.

You come into Wisconsin and they're around every corner. We've got a nice little cheese pantry in my neighborhood with all sorts of the good stuff (not that you see any curds on the website, but they're in the store). There are similar pantries all over the state, to say nothing of the curds available in pretty much any dairy section in any grocery store.


Quebec is the Wisconsin of cheese curds, I bet curds are relatively hard to find in Minnesota.

Curds weren't that popular until the the invention of poutine.

/Squeak squeak
//The perfect melting cheese...
 
2013-02-11 10:18:19 PM  
OK. So the College of Cardinals meets in the Sistine Chapel to vote. If there is no winner after three ballots, do they go to the shootout?

/One vote for Pope Gretzky the Great
 
2013-02-11 10:33:29 PM  

Armadillo Slim: OK. So the College of Cardinals meets in the Sistine Chapel to vote. If there is no winner after three ballots, do they go to the shootout?

/One vote for Pope Gretzky the Great


Final Jeopardy round: "Potpourri" for all the marbles.
 
2013-02-11 10:37:41 PM  

Snarfangel: So, the bread and syrup of Christ, and hockey as a sacrament?


I'M CATHOLIC?!!
 
2013-02-11 11:20:18 PM  

dywed88: frestcrallen: lolpix: It's weird that they put such elderly people in these positions of power. A person starts to fall out of sync with society as the years go on. Which isn't necessarily terrible, but I don't know that you should be running the show after a late age.

Don't get me started on the Canadian Senate.

What, that is where we put old people so they have no say in actually running anything.


Positions of affluence then, not power, with members appointed largely through nepotism.  As you no doubt also remember from high school poly-sci, since they rarely interfere in bills passed by the Commons, the Senate branch is largely redundant.  Canadian taxpayers pay enough as it is, and that's reflected in our quality of life, but I draw the line at forking over hard-earned money to subsidize a room full of old farts who don't actually do anything.  That's all I meant.  And as someone already mentioned upthread, the Pope doesn't really "run" anything as an individual entity.
 
2013-02-11 11:25:56 PM  
Oh goodie, at least Outlet knows something about covering up child molestation charges.
 
2013-02-11 11:28:51 PM  
It's hard out there for a pope.
 
2013-02-11 11:52:46 PM  
good headline
 
2013-02-12 12:43:25 AM  

frestcrallen: Positions of affluence then, not power, with members appointed largely through nepotism.  As you no doubt also remember from high school poly-sci, since they rarely interfere in bills passed by the Commons, the Senate branch is largely redundant.  Canadian taxpayers pay enough as it is, and that's reflected in our quality of life, but I draw the line at forking over hard-earned money to subsidize a room full of old farts who don't actually do anything.  That's all I meant.  And as someone already mentioned upthread, the Pope doesn't really "run" anything as an individual entity.


I was primarily making a joke about how irrelevant the Canadian Senate is. The Pope had far more direct influence than the entirety of the Canadian Senate (hell, Oullet probably already has more influence on the Catholic Church than the Senate does on the Canadian government. Actually, he probably has more influence on the Canadian government through the Church).
And I am all for abolishing the Senate. We have gotten by for nearly 150 years with one that is pretty much a pointless rubber stamp (and we have the Monarchy to do that job), so I would be glad to be rid of it and see no significant benefit from reforming it.
 
2013-02-12 03:04:56 AM  

Snarfangel: So, the bread and syrup of Christ, and hockey as a sacrament?


The priest could make the sign of the cross with a holy high-stick.
 
2013-02-12 03:49:52 AM  

ds_4815: doyner: Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?

I wouldn't bet against John Jean Paul III.

FTFQuebecers


 Is that the English American word for Quebecois?
/would have also take Quebecerheads.
 
2013-02-12 04:16:36 AM  

dywed88: madgordy: the UK pope, Sylvester II,  was Italian, though had lived in England while Archbishop of Canturbury.

I believe it refers to the born and raised in Hertfordshire. Who never served the Church in England.

madgordy: the Netherlands Pope is the previous resignation Pope.

Adrian VI did not resign.


GREGORY XII, YOU DOLT!

Sorry, had to get that out of the way.
 
2013-02-12 06:10:55 AM  

Dragonflew: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 450x378]

What's the principal doin' with her, O Lord?
Who's that guy, is he screwing with her?
What's her perfume? Tigress by Fabergé, amen.
She makes me cream my jeans, O Jesus
When she's coming my way, Lord.


Carole Pope reference FTW. Well played.
 
2013-02-12 09:08:15 AM  
Pope Bubbles the first has a nice ring to it. Deeeeeeeeeecent
 
2013-02-12 09:41:16 AM  

Abacus9: ds_4815: doyner: Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?

I wouldn't bet against John Jean Paul III.

FTFQuebecers

 Is that the English American word for Quebecois?
/would have also take Quebecerheads.


As an Ontarian, I feel obligated to butcher the language just to see what happens.
 
2013-02-12 10:09:47 AM  

Papa Rotsy: reillan: brantgoose: Don't be surprised if a dark horse is elected Pope. Or a red, white, or yellow horse. We've only got a couple of Popes left in Saint Malachy's list, although he may have missed a few. The last Pope is supposed to be a Peter, just like the first one. Maybe he'll be Jewish.

The guy who is frontrunner (the only person ahead of this Canadian in the betting) is Cardinal Peter Turkson from Ghana.

The Canadian led all day, not sure where this Ghana fella came from all of a sudden--he wasn't even top 3 in the UK bookies' lists this morning.


I don't know, but he's a Ghana.
 
2013-02-12 10:27:25 AM  
Pope Lorne the First!
 
2013-02-12 04:05:17 PM  
Canadian eh. Sacre bleu
 
2013-02-12 04:53:42 PM  

rickythepenguin: "so, in closing, ok, you can't let the Devil go five-hole on you, ok?  You need to live right, ok, and not be such a hoser.  Send Satan to the penalty box for a five minute major, ok, and don't be sore-y, ok?  be blessed.  Even those wankers in BC that aren't real canadians.  AND GO LEAFS"


This was wonderful.
 
2013-02-13 12:04:06 AM  

ds_4815: Abacus9: ds_4815: doyner: Supes: Anyone have guesses for the papal name?

I wouldn't bet against John Jean Paul III.

FTFQuebecers

 Is that the English American word for Quebecois?
/would have also take Quebecerheads.

As an Ontarian, I feel obligated to butcher the language just to see what happens.


Oddly, I live to the north of you but in the U.S.
 
2013-02-13 12:53:45 AM  

Papa Rotsy: reillan: brantgoose: Don't be surprised if a dark horse is elected Pope. Or a red, white, or yellow horse. We've only got a couple of Popes left in Saint Malachy's list, although he may have missed a few. The last Pope is supposed to be a Peter, just like the first one. Maybe he'll be Jewish.

The guy who is frontrunner (the only person ahead of this Canadian in the betting) is Cardinal Peter Turkson from Ghana.

The Canadian led all day, not sure where this Ghana fella came from all of a sudden--he wasn't even top 3 in the UK bookies' lists this morning.


Once again: gotta fulfill the St. Malachy prophecy.  Or, they could take the easy way out and claim that they were trolling by having the soon-to-be-ex-Pope go by Benedict, so they can string along the St. Malachy watchers.

\Benedict Benedict Benedict Benedict mushroom mushroom  Peter
 
2013-02-13 10:18:49 AM  

Abacus9: Oddly, I live to the north of you but in the U.S.


Not odd, most Canadians live pretty far south. Most Canadians live closer to the latitude of Northern California than the 49th parallel.
 
2013-02-14 12:04:19 AM  

dywed88: Abacus9: Oddly, I live to the north of you but in the U.S.

Not odd, most Canadians live pretty far south. Most Canadians live closer to the latitude of Northern California than the 49th parallel.


True I guess, but Detroit is the only border city in the U.S. where you have to go south to enter Canada.
 
2013-02-14 12:35:39 AM  

Abacus9: Detroit is the only border city in the U.S. where you have to go south to enter Canada.


I always lord that fact over people who start singing "Born and raised in South Detroit" in a certain song.
 
2013-02-14 12:53:49 AM  

ds_4815: Abacus9: Detroit is the only border city in the U.S. where you have to go south to enter Canada.

I always lord that fact over people who start singing "Born and raised in South Detroit" in a certain song.


I always took that line to mean just the southern part of the city, or maybe one of the downriver suburbs like Wyandotte.
 
Displayed 178 of 178 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report