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(USA Today)   Day 2: The situation has grown dire. Passengers have eaten the carved watermelon that once adorned the now-empty buffet table. Without leisure activities, factions have formed. The Indonesian room stewards have folded towels into improvised weapons   (usatoday.com) divider line 38
    More: Scary, cruise line, fire suppression, Carnival Cruise Lines, Yucatan Peninsula, petty officers, activity theory  
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23542 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 3:44 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-11 04:13:37 PM
6 votes:
If you need dialysis, a cruise does not sound like the best choice fo vacation.
GBB
2013-02-11 03:50:43 PM
4 votes:
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com
/oblig
2013-02-11 04:16:29 PM
3 votes:

Uzzah: Don't worry -- the Captain managed to shoot an albatross, so at least they'll have some meat.


i521.photobucket.com
2013-02-11 04:04:21 PM
3 votes:

Yaxe: ChipNASA: You know, you wet the tip of a towel and snap it just the right way, you could leave a *WELT* or even possibly, BREAK THE SKIN!!!

When I was in freshmen swimming class in high school, the swim coach delivered a story about how some guy apparently split the dick of another kid in half with a tower with probably one of the best poker faces I've ever seen.

Either that or he was telling the truth.


Something similar happened to my best friend in high school.  He and another guy were screwing around in the locker room, snapping towels at each other.  The other guy hit my buddy in the nut, causing it to swell.  The towel caught him in the deferens and cut off the blood or something.  His nut swelled up to about softball size.  Had to be rushed to the hospital to fix it.

So, those stories your coach tells you about snapping towels isn't all bullshiat.  I was there, I saw what can happen.  *shudders*
2013-02-11 03:54:36 PM
3 votes:
Carnival is offering a cruise credit, because I'm sure after this experience everyone on that boat wants another cruise.
2013-02-11 03:50:59 PM
3 votes:
Ladyfingers.  They taste just like ladyfingers.
2013-02-11 03:50:26 PM
3 votes:
The dialysis guy from the article:
some people have no business being on cruise ships.
2013-02-11 03:04:45 PM
3 votes:
They could make it home if the stupid trash robot would just give the plant to the captain.
2013-02-11 05:37:07 PM
2 votes:

mongbiohazard: I've never understood the appeal of cruises. Trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, expensive tchotchies, fees around every corner and a bunch of Norwalk-like virus - with a bunch of other people whose idea of a vacation is to be trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, etc. etc....

Throw in a play by Andrew Lloyd Weber and it sounds like my own personal version of hell.


Or... get on the boat, ignore the casino, avoid the shops, ignore the fees (except for an occasional Scotch), and use the sanitizer dispensers like they're free.  Avoid the main pool area, grab a deck chair on an unpopular deck, open up your Kindle, and read for a while as the ocean slides by.  Head off to the buffet for some light grazing.  Rinse. Repeat.  Have a decent sit-down dinner (or hit the buffet again, if you don't want to get pretty), enjoy some X Factor wannabes dance & sing -- or just wander around.  When ship docks at Butt-Wipe Island and you don't care to partake, just stay aboard and enjoy having the ship to yourself...

If you're a sot, joiner, spa addict, shy about being in a strange port, or a patsy for art auctions and crappy jewelry sales -- you'll go broke taking cruises.  If not, just disconnect from the world and relax...
2013-02-11 05:05:51 PM
2 votes:

TV's Vinnie: Carnival ships are more Amistad than The Love Boat.


What a Carnival cruise might look like:

www.fbdindy.com
2013-02-11 05:04:00 PM
2 votes:
Carnival ships are more Amistad than The Love Boat.

I only wish these events unfolded during that right wing butthurt-soothing cruise last December.
2013-02-11 04:02:01 PM
2 votes:
Cruise ship room stewards regularly fold towels into vicious animals:

3.bp.blogspot.com

/stubmitter
2013-02-11 03:59:49 PM
2 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: Can't they just drop trou, and shiat over the side of the ship?


Just make a note of the wind direction
2013-02-11 03:57:36 PM
2 votes:
"My wife (is) on this cruise and has said the conditions were horrible. No power, no water, having to use the bathroom in bags,"

Can't they just drop trou, and shiat over the side of the ship? They're in the ocean. Isn't that like a really big toilet, as it is?
2013-02-11 03:50:32 PM
2 votes:
Don't worry -- the Captain managed to shoot an albatross, so at least they'll have some meat.
2013-02-11 03:49:00 PM
2 votes:

mrlewish: Few functional toilets?  Why do you think they call it the head?


Just beef in the shower and heel it down the drain.
2013-02-11 02:30:11 PM
2 votes:
I liked this one.
2013-02-11 07:31:29 PM
1 votes:
Cruising is for the poor.Get your own boat.
2013-02-11 07:21:11 PM
1 votes:

thehighesttree: akula: Sin_City_Superhero: akula:
I'm not likely to take a Carnival cruise, but to me it looks like they're trying to take care of this in a stand up manner. It would suck to be stuck on a cruise ship that has become an unpowered floating barge, but at least they're going to try and make the passengers as whole as possible.

What the hell does this even mean, "make them whole again"? I'm guessing it's a trope from that stupid truck commercial that aired during the Superbowl because I've never heard anyone prattle it off prior to that. It just reeks of worthless consumer-whore begging; if a rough cruise or a shiatty meal leaves you feeling "unwhole" in any substantive way then you need to re-evaluate your life values because you're most likely worthless. "Please Company X,  make me whole again" is parasite talk and the type of shiat grown adults who use it need to have slapped out of them. It's truly disgusting, and I resent sharing company on this planet with anyone who regurgitates this corporate drivel.


media.comicvine.com
2013-02-11 06:41:58 PM
1 votes:
Actually, a cruise ship that's set up for doing hemodialysis isn't such a bad idea for a dialysis patient. When I was a dialysis nurse there were always very attractive offers to go on cruises for free and get paid a stipend to perform dialysis for patients on board ship when the ship was at sea. So, I wouldn't go on one that made me make my own arrangements at ports, but if it was available on board it would be a pretty good way to vacation and still get your treatments. Admittedly, that was 15 years ago, and maybe they don't do it anymore, but at the time it seemed like a pretty good way to travel.
2013-02-11 06:26:50 PM
1 votes:
I'm a bit of a serial cruiser. I'm up to nearly two dozen cruises now, having spent some 180 days aboard Holland America ships and some 8 cruises on Royal Caribbean. I've also done Disney, Norwegian, Celebrity, and Carnival. Not too bad for being in my early 30's.

What it all comes down to is getting the deals. I find most of the deals either through direct mailers from the lines, or travelzoo.com When I cruise, I usually try to get a rate of between $35 and 50 dollars a day. If you look for last minute cruises, or repositioning cruises, you can get it even cheaper. I've done it as low as $19 a day (a one night from Seattle to Vancouver on Norwegian).

IMO, the short 3-4 day duration cruises are a PITA; having to go through the frenzied boarding and disembarking process. 7-day cruises are hectic, as it takes a good 4 days for folks to get comfortable with the routine. 10-day cruises are good. and 25+ day cruises are a joy. Once you start racking up rewards points, and/or being a shareholder in a company, it can become ridiculously cheap to cruise. On most cruises, I get between $50 and $250 of complementary spending cash aboard, which I use for drinks and the spa. If you book shore excursions directly, and not through the ship, you can get some pretty good rates. (The folks on cruise critic are an excellent resource). I also highly recommend getting a balcony and getting the dining room dinners sent via room service (this is a commentary service on all lines)

If it weren't for cruising on the cheap, I wouldn't be able to visit places like this for a couple C-notes (Bora Bora):
sphotos-e.ak.fbcdn.net

On most cruises I go on now, I can bring along a 3rd or 4th person for free - and due to an interesting turn of events, was able to go in December on a 25-day roundtrip cruise from San Diego to Tahiti for $900, in a window cabin w/ $250 credit.

/headed to do 10-days in the Mediterranean in 3 weeks (Norwegian). $500 per person, balcony cabin. $100 credit.
//leaving for a 35-day double Trans-Atlantic from Boston to North Atlantic/North Sea countries in July (Holland America).
2013-02-11 06:15:26 PM
1 votes:

akula: Sin_City_Superhero: akula:
I'm not likely to take a Carnival cruise, but to me it looks like they're trying to take care of this in a stand up manner. It would suck to be stuck on a cruise ship that has become an unpowered floating barge, but at least they're going to try and make the passengers as whole as possible.


What the hell does this even mean, "make them whole again"? I'm guessing it's a trope from that stupid truck commercial that aired during the Superbowl because I've never heard anyone prattle it off prior to that. It just reeks of worthless consumer-whore begging; if a rough cruise or a shiatty meal leaves you feeling "unwhole" in any substantive way then you need to re-evaluate your life values because you're most likely worthless. "Please Company X,  make me whole again" is parasite talk and the type of shiat grown adults who use it need to have slapped out of them. It's truly disgusting, and I resent sharing company on this planet with anyone who regurgitates this corporate drivel.
2013-02-11 05:43:16 PM
1 votes:

ObeliskToucher: mongbiohazard: I've never understood the appeal of cruises. Trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, expensive tchotchies, fees around every corner and a bunch of Norwalk-like virus - with a bunch of other people whose idea of a vacation is to be trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, etc. etc....

Throw in a play by Andrew Lloyd Weber and it sounds like my own personal version of hell.

Or... get on the boat, ignore the casino, avoid the shops, ignore the fees (except for an occasional Scotch), and use the sanitizer dispensers like they're free.  Avoid the main pool area, grab a deck chair on an unpopular deck, open up your Kindle, and read for a while as the ocean slides by.  Head off to the buffet for some light grazing.  Rinse. Repeat.  Have a decent sit-down dinner (or hit the buffet again, if you don't want to get pretty), enjoy some X Factor wannabes dance & sing -- or just wander around.  When ship docks at Butt-Wipe Island and you don't care to partake, just stay aboard and enjoy having the ship to yourself...

If you're a sot, joiner, spa addict, shy about being in a strange port, or a patsy for art auctions and crappy jewelry sales -- you'll go broke taking cruises.  If not, just disconnect from the world and relax...


I can do that at my house. Which is why I hate cruises.
2013-02-11 05:28:31 PM
1 votes:

Sin_City_Superhero: A Carnival Triumph passenger in need of dialysis...

What a Triumph passenger might look like:


1.bp.blogspot.com
 Unless he's got an allen wrench she wont be passangering that bike.  Or she's gonna need a bag of ice after that ride.
2013-02-11 05:27:02 PM
1 votes:
If you can you should hunt down a copy of

A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again
2013-02-11 05:19:13 PM
1 votes:

JerkStore: Just think of how many people have peed in that pool already...

And soon...


24.media.tumblr.com

False Alarm!
2013-02-11 05:05:47 PM
1 votes:
I've never understood the appeal of cruises. Trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, expensive tchotchies, fees around every corner and a bunch of Norwalk-like virus - with a bunch of other people whose idea of a vacation is to be trapped on a boat with gambling, expensive booze, etc. etc....

Throw in a play by Andrew Lloyd Weber and it sounds like my own personal version of hell.
2013-02-11 05:00:06 PM
1 votes:
Just think of how many people have peed in that pool already...

And soon...

aminddivideddotcom.files.wordpress.com
2013-02-11 04:59:21 PM
1 votes:

Felix_T_Cat: Their contract reads to the effect of "the trip is over when we say it is and we can leave you anywhere declaring that we have fulfilled out part of the contract."  So any payoff at all surprises me.


Just because something is in a contract, doesn't mean that it is enforceable. I could very easily slip a clause into one of our leases that states that I'm the President of the United States of America. Just because both parties signed it doesn't mean that I'm the president. Or I could put a sticker on my bumper stating that I'm not responsible for damage to your windshield from rocks that fly off of my vehicle, but the law says differently. Those disclaimers are designed to make people think they have no recourse, when, often times, the victim does have legal recourse.
2013-02-11 04:39:58 PM
1 votes:
A Carnival Triumph passenger in need of dialysis ...

Why on earth would you get on a cruise ship if you need dialysis?

i1.ytimg.com

It was a 5 day cruise.  How was that supposed to work?

Wow.  This is from Carnival's website:

Hemodialysis is not available on board ship. Guests requiring hemodialysis are responsible for pre-arranging their dialysis in ports of call. Factors such as inclement weather may prevent the ship from calling on the port where the dialysis is scheduled. Guests requiring peritoneal dialysis are responsible for bringing the necessary supplies to perform the self-dialysis in their cabin. Peritoneal dialysis supplies are not typically available from the ship's medical center. Our Medical Center onboard is for minor emergencies and cannot supply or refill prescriptions.

If you have arranged to have your dialysis solutions delivered, please contact us at s­pe­cia­l­needs[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­avi­n­rac*com with your vendor information. If you need to travel with your own medical equipment, medications, or supplies, it is important that you hand carry. Please do not pack these items with your checked luggage. If you need assistance with boarding your supplies, please see a Carnival Cruise Lines representative once inside the embarkation lobby.


Why would Carnival even take on the risk of having hemodialysis patients on board?
2013-02-11 04:36:13 PM
1 votes:

oldfarthenry: GlobalStrategic MapleSyrup Reserve: oldfarthenry: If anyone is interested, there's a derelict Russian cruise ship floating around the Atlantic right now. A tug boat was towing it from Newfoundland to the Dominican Republic to be scrapped and the rope dun broke or sumpin'.
The Canuckian government basically said "F**k it! It's someone else's problem now".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MV_Lyubov_Orlova

Well that's one of the better wiki pages I've read today. The reasonable minded adult in me thinks it's irresponsible to leave that floating around but can understand not wanting to go to unnecessary expense ("Let Norway deal with it"). Meanwhile my inner child is screaming "COOLEST FORT EVER!"

My tin-foil hat is buzzing as to why the government was so quick to wash their hands of this thing. Nuclear waste on board - or it's haunted as f**k?


maybe both!
venturebrosblog.com
2013-02-11 04:23:15 PM
1 votes:
Lets see... Ships keep having power failures, the occasional crash, and the probability there's at least one serial killer working for the cruise lines throwing people overboard and having their actions covered up as suicides there's a lot of reasons not to go on a cruise. At least with the giant ships.

I wanna do Galapagos. The cruise ship's a large yacht because there's no deep harbors.
2013-02-11 04:10:19 PM
1 votes:
images.wikia.com
simpsonswiki.net

The Simpsons did it
xcv
2013-02-11 04:08:39 PM
1 votes:

dk47: justanotherfarkinfarker: Sin_City_Superhero: Can't they just drop trou, and shiat over the side of the ship?

Just make a note of the wind direction

Just imagine the shiat stains down the side of that ship.  Those things are so big I doubt most of the turds make it to teh water.


And it becomes a lesson in trickle-down economics when the elites in their upper level suites start dropping bodily waste onto the balconies and portholes of the lower classes literally beneath them.
2013-02-11 03:54:45 PM
1 votes:
"You have died of dysentery."
2013-02-11 03:53:25 PM
1 votes:

mrlewish: Few functional toilets?  Why do you think they call it the head?


Google would be your friend, but the easy explanation was that in the days of sailing ships, the bathroom was always in the front of the ship - the 'head'.  This is because the ship would always more or less be in the position where the wind was coming from the aft of the ship, blowing waste and any nasty odors away from the ship.
2013-02-11 03:47:46 PM
1 votes:
Soon it will be a ghost ship whose halls are haunted by the horrid humans who once hungered for each others flesh
2013-02-11 02:37:23 PM
1 votes:
Good one, subby.
 
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