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(Patch)   Farkers: Creative suggestions needed for a free Valentine's Day gift - because it's the thought that counts, right?   (dacula.patch.com) divider line 52
    More: Misc, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day gift, blood donors  
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2429 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-11 11:07:33 AM
8 votes:
Carve her initials in the kitchen broom handle.
2013-02-11 12:10:53 PM
5 votes:

Arthurgoboom: Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.


I think her jaw would start to cramp up before she actually passed out.
2013-02-11 11:19:52 AM
5 votes:
Pearl Necklace
2013-02-11 11:19:15 AM
5 votes:
Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.
2013-02-11 11:16:27 AM
5 votes:
Make it a "Valentine's Day to End Sexism" and demand that she shower you with gifts and affection.
2013-02-11 02:53:26 PM
4 votes:

uncleacid: Herpes.


No regifting!
2013-02-11 11:17:27 AM
4 votes:
Herpes.
2013-02-11 11:18:49 AM
3 votes:
Last year I found a heart shaped Scotch scrubby pad and some cleaner in a pink bottle. I added a ribbon and voila- happy valentines day. Stupid ass made up holiday!
2013-02-11 11:05:06 AM
3 votes:
Weener in a box.
2013-02-11 11:50:22 AM
2 votes:
A good, solid fisting.

Don't take "No" for an answer.

Give her the solid fisting no matter what.

Do it without saying anything.

Do it the first moment you see her, no matter where you are.
2013-02-11 11:45:37 AM
2 votes:
UFIA
2013-02-11 11:27:17 AM
2 votes:
Comfy couch cushions, since you'll be sleeping there for a bit.
2013-02-11 11:27:01 AM
2 votes:
Do a in-home piercing on her.
2013-02-11 11:26:44 AM
2 votes:
Those hot sauce packets from Taco Bell are always nice...
2013-02-11 11:24:20 AM
2 votes:

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


There is no excuse for a person over 6 years old to not know to put the dollar sign first.
2013-02-11 11:24:02 AM
2 votes:

umrdyldo: Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.


Ha, I did that one just a couple of months ago. She didn't fix them, so she got left. Happy Valentine's, biatch!
2013-02-11 11:20:48 AM
2 votes:
Sammich makings

/been single a little too long
2013-02-11 11:18:59 AM
2 votes:
Steak and a BJ?

Getting a job so you can afford to buy prezzies?

Steal something?

Strap on butt sex?

Finally take that shower you've been putting off?

Hmmm, I guess it's been a while since my last relationship. I wonder why?
2013-02-11 11:18:39 AM
2 votes:

iamrex: Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy


(Not throatjobs)

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

(No, not the one about the buy from Nantucket.)

A candle-lit home cooked meal

(No, not TIna's frozen burritos that you put some salsa on.)

Wicked sloppy bang time

For your hand.
2013-02-11 11:17:09 AM
2 votes:
You might as well masturbate, because that's the only sex you will receive.

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.

But if it's Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, it's a crime.
2013-02-11 11:15:42 AM
2 votes:
Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

A candle-lit home cooked meal

Wicked sloppy bang time
2013-02-11 11:08:06 PM
1 votes:

Arthurgoboom: Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.


I like the cut of your jib. So much THIS.

Also, any dude who rails against the commercialism of Valentine's Day has obviously never heard of Steak and Blowjob Day.
2013-02-11 04:41:00 PM
1 votes:
Those hot sauce packets from Taco Bell are always nice...

Careful, some of those propose marriage.

Valentine's day is the day before one of my favorite holidays: Cheap Chocolate Day! I warned my husband that he was probably going to get some Valentinesy chocolate in the next week or so.
2013-02-11 01:24:14 PM
1 votes:

Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-
I think if you're going to do something for valentines day you both should. A relationship is a two way street, both parties need to show some love (year round.) Valentines day should be sweet, sexy, romantic and inexpensive for all those involved.


THIS!

And EVERYONE should get oral. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.
2013-02-11 01:23:29 PM
1 votes:

PullmyHair: Hell, I got my husband a restraining order. His pre-VDay attempts at wooing me back did not succeed.


"wooing" is about polite efforts to secure your affections, not the sound the machete makes as he swings it at you screaming.
2013-02-11 01:19:48 PM
1 votes:
Hell, I got my husband a restraining order. His pre-VDay attempts at wooing me back did not succeed.
2013-02-11 01:09:23 PM
1 votes:

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


Yeah, I don't think there will be as much fanfare as you think. The men in his office won't give a damn where the cake came from. They'll just want to know if anyone is going to eat that last piece. Its possible that between mouthfuls of cake, that someone will mumble, "Hey, where did this come from?" but even that is doubtful.
2013-02-11 01:06:48 PM
1 votes:

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


A boont cake?
2013-02-11 12:25:26 PM
1 votes:
Forever Alone thread.

i3.kym-cdn.com
2013-02-11 12:25:24 PM
1 votes:
Spray paint her name on HWY overpass.
2013-02-11 12:16:55 PM
1 votes:
Make up a "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy" card with stickers and crayons and stuff.  Sneak into her kitchen and set up the card along with a little tiny coffin with chocolates inside.  When she comes down, tell her that you love her very much and don't even expect love back from someone like her.  Then the two of you get all dressed up and go bomb a clinic.
2013-02-11 11:57:30 AM
1 votes:
bouquet of sausage
2013-02-11 11:56:34 AM
1 votes:
Take her out to McDonald's and use one of those "buy one, get one free" coupons.
2013-02-11 11:54:37 AM
1 votes:
A bowling ball with your name ot it...so that she always remembers who got it for her.
2013-02-11 11:44:24 AM
1 votes:
Modified paper towel holder

/It's the gift that keeps on, uh, giving?
2013-02-11 11:44:18 AM
1 votes:
give her an australian kiss.

it's like a french kiss, only down under.
2013-02-11 11:37:44 AM
1 votes:
Coupons are fun, and a home cooked dinner can be romantic, but nothing gets more tail than diamonds.
2013-02-11 11:34:29 AM
1 votes:
Here's a suggestion:  Get a job you cheap ass!
2013-02-11 11:30:58 AM
1 votes:

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.


I know she thinks I'm immature, but someday I won't be. And deep down in my heart, I know we'll end up together.

i56.tinypic.com

It's all there, in the macaroni.
2013-02-11 11:29:27 AM
1 votes:
OK, this isn't completely free although you could do it for free if you wanted to print out the cash by hand.

Give her a bunch of monopoly money.
Then give her a menu of services which cost monopoly money.
Have a page of honey-do items.
Have a page of shiat guys hate to do items.
Have a page of make me a better man items
Have a page of naughty naughty fun time items

Tell her the money is redeemable for 1 week.   See how it goes.
2013-02-11 11:26:39 AM
1 votes:
A heart on.
2013-02-11 11:23:37 AM
1 votes:

LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.


You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.
2013-02-11 11:23:33 AM
1 votes:
Find a cemetary with a fresh addition, steal the flowers.
2013-02-11 11:21:34 AM
1 votes:
t0.gstatic.com
2013-02-11 11:20:43 AM
1 votes:

God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"


I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.
2013-02-11 11:20:12 AM
1 votes:
As opposed to a gift you're gonna charge for?
2013-02-11 11:20:09 AM
1 votes:
A manifesto on the soulless corporate nature of Valentine's Day. Then a shared bubble bath.
2013-02-11 11:19:51 AM
1 votes:
There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.
2013-02-11 11:18:27 AM
1 votes:

mjones73: Elzar: Weener in a box.

That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

THIS
2013-02-11 11:13:37 AM
1 votes:
Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"
2013-02-11 11:13:17 AM
1 votes:
Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.
2013-02-11 11:12:15 AM
1 votes:
Everybody loves macaroni art.
 
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