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(Patch)   Farkers: Creative suggestions needed for a free Valentine's Day gift - because it's the thought that counts, right?   (dacula.patch.com) divider line 200
    More: Misc, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day gift, blood donors  
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2433 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
 
2013-02-11 11:05:06 AM
Weener in a box.
 
2013-02-11 11:07:33 AM
Carve her initials in the kitchen broom handle.
 
2013-02-11 11:12:13 AM

SnarfVader: Carve her initials in the kitchen broom handle.


Carve her initials in your forearm.
 
2013-02-11 11:12:15 AM
Everybody loves macaroni art.
 
2013-02-11 11:13:17 AM
Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.
 
2013-02-11 11:13:37 AM
Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"
 
2013-02-11 11:15:42 AM
Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

A candle-lit home cooked meal

Wicked sloppy bang time
 
2013-02-11 11:16:06 AM

Elzar: Weener in a box.


That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title..
 
2013-02-11 11:16:27 AM
Make it a "Valentine's Day to End Sexism" and demand that she shower you with gifts and affection.
 
2013-02-11 11:17:07 AM

iamrex: Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

A candle-lit home cooked meal

Wicked sloppy bang time


Shouldnt you be like.. totes bombarded by flower work?
 
2013-02-11 11:17:09 AM
You might as well masturbate, because that's the only sex you will receive.

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.

But if it's Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, it's a crime.
 
2013-02-11 11:17:27 AM
Herpes.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:00 AM
"Backrub coupons"...giggity. The gift for her AND me. Shhhh.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:27 AM

mjones73: Elzar: Weener in a box.

That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

THIS
 
2013-02-11 11:18:39 AM

iamrex: Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy


(Not throatjobs)

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

(No, not the one about the buy from Nantucket.)

A candle-lit home cooked meal

(No, not TIna's frozen burritos that you put some salsa on.)

Wicked sloppy bang time

For your hand.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:49 AM
Last year I found a heart shaped Scotch scrubby pad and some cleaner in a pink bottle. I added a ribbon and voila- happy valentines day. Stupid ass made up holiday!
 
2013-02-11 11:18:59 AM
Steak and a BJ?

Getting a job so you can afford to buy prezzies?

Steal something?

Strap on butt sex?

Finally take that shower you've been putting off?

Hmmm, I guess it's been a while since my last relationship. I wonder why?
 
2013-02-11 11:19:15 AM
Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.
 
2013-02-11 11:19:51 AM
There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.
 
2013-02-11 11:19:52 AM
Pearl Necklace
 
2013-02-11 11:20:09 AM
A manifesto on the soulless corporate nature of Valentine's Day. Then a shared bubble bath.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:12 AM
As opposed to a gift you're gonna charge for?
 
2013-02-11 11:20:12 AM
Draw her a portrait and take extra care shading her upper lip.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:43 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"


I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:48 AM
Sammich makings

/been single a little too long
 
2013-02-11 11:20:51 AM
Farking is free. Get her an account. When time and money are on your side, buy her TotalFark.

/you're welcome
 
2013-02-11 11:21:31 AM
"Homemade gift certificates redeemable for (fill-in-blank): back rub, bubble bath, car wash, dinner, something that's been on the Honey Do list."

So you get gifts and I get work?

/How'bout GTFO?
//Would that be good?
 
2013-02-11 11:21:34 AM
t0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-11 11:22:00 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"


How did you know???
 
2013-02-11 11:23:23 AM
A copy of Cyrano de Bergerac?
 
2013-02-11 11:23:27 AM
Post it notes. Put them in places she'll discover later. Hand write sexy things about how she smells, looks, makes you feel.

Do something romantic for the evening, & let her find the notes. Then reap the long term benefits of a little effort.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:30 AM
Turn off the lights. Light some candles. Put on Massive Attack's Mezzanine and give her a full body massage. The sexy times tend to flow organically from such a situation.

Oh, and cook her dinner. You still have time to dry-age a steak in your fridge. There was a video posted here not too long ago about how to properly  pan-grill a steak. Look that up.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:33 AM
Find a cemetary with a fresh addition, steal the flowers.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:37 AM

LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.


You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.
 
2013-02-11 11:24:00 AM
get her involved with one billion rising the women against violence campaign. They big world wide get together is Valentine's day. She feels empowered and you look good for supporting her
 
2013-02-11 11:24:02 AM

umrdyldo: Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.


Ha, I did that one just a couple of months ago. She didn't fix them, so she got left. Happy Valentine's, biatch!
 
2013-02-11 11:24:20 AM

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


There is no excuse for a person over 6 years old to not know to put the dollar sign first.
 
2013-02-11 11:24:31 AM
If you are in Chicago, offer up a Belmont Transfer
 
2013-02-11 11:24:38 AM
A Space Ghost Pez dispenser.
 
2013-02-11 11:25:07 AM
We don't do Valentine's day. Or as I like to call it "The day of unreasonable expectations".

All of you be sure to enjoy your fixed menu at your 7:30-8:30 seating and that moment when you spring some kind of heart shaped pendant with little diamond chips you got at Kay or Jared.
 
2013-02-11 11:25:09 AM
Gifts on Valentine's Day are necessary, but perfunctory.  Buy a woman gifts at random times.  If you see something you think she'd like buy it for her.  When she asks why, tell her because it made you think of her.

If by this time in your relationship you need the help of others to tell you what would make her happy, then your relationship lacks intimacy.  Something simple and lasting is best.  A pair of earrings that you like is perfect.  Women like talking with their friends and will enjoy say that you bought them for her.
 
2013-02-11 11:26:39 AM
A heart on.
 
2013-02-11 11:26:44 AM
Those hot sauce packets from Taco Bell are always nice...
 
2013-02-11 11:27:01 AM
Do a in-home piercing on her.
 
2013-02-11 11:27:17 AM
Comfy couch cushions, since you'll be sleeping there for a bit.
 
2013-02-11 11:29:27 AM
OK, this isn't completely free although you could do it for free if you wanted to print out the cash by hand.

Give her a bunch of monopoly money.
Then give her a menu of services which cost monopoly money.
Have a page of honey-do items.
Have a page of shiat guys hate to do items.
Have a page of make me a better man items
Have a page of naughty naughty fun time items

Tell her the money is redeemable for 1 week.   See how it goes.
 
2013-02-11 11:30:36 AM
Herpes
 
2013-02-11 11:30:58 AM

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.


I know she thinks I'm immature, but someday I won't be. And deep down in my heart, I know we'll end up together.

i56.tinypic.com

It's all there, in the macaroni.
 
2013-02-11 11:31:30 AM

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.
 
2013-02-11 11:32:05 AM

uncleacid: Herpes.


one day i'll learn to read all of the comments before posting...
 
2013-02-11 11:32:07 AM
My GF & I don't celebrate V-Day. She was dumped by an abusive ex on that day~ bad memories.
Sounds sappy, but we've agreed to love each other *every* day and we've never had a fight.
Yeah, I suppose it's the thought that counts.
 
2013-02-11 11:33:27 AM

Glancing Blow: If by this time in your relationship you need the help of others to tell you what would make her happy, then your relationship lacks intimacy. Something simple and lasting is best. A pair of earrings that you like is perfect. Women like talking with their friends and will enjoy say that you bought them for her.


Then in the real world, some people like to be a bit more creative than cheap jewelry or a singing hallmark card and like to get ideas that they may not have thought up yet which line up with their SO's  interests.

As for free gifts, not sure what that could be since the cooler and more thoughtful a gift is, it generally seems to require more time and resources. Like, you could put together a steampunk looking heart out of gears and brass knobs and shiat and set it in epoxy resin but that's not exactly free.

Maybe read to her while she takes a bath. Taking a dump while you do it may negate the romance of the moment though.
 
2013-02-11 11:34:01 AM
google..."the farksaw"
 
2013-02-11 11:34:29 AM
Here's a suggestion:  Get a job you cheap ass!
 
2013-02-11 11:34:56 AM
meds
 
2013-02-11 11:35:09 AM

ModernPrimitive01: get her involved with one billion rising the women against violence campaign. They big world wide get together is Valentine's day. She feels empowered and you look good for supporting her


That... could actually be a good idea.  Especially if you pack a picnic lunch and go somewhere nice and free before or after.

/spent a Valentine's Day 4 years ago with my boyfriend above a Vagina Monologue performance (he volunteered to run the lighting)
//we're still together
///still not really the biggest VM fan, but some friends of his were really passionate about putting on the production so he volunteered, only guy in the cast or crew... that was pretty damn attractive in and of itself
 
2013-02-11 11:35:35 AM
I'm thinking its time to go to fifth base.  Look it up if need be.
 
2013-02-11 11:35:51 AM

Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.


Do the guys under the Ben Franklin Bridge hike up their prices for V-day? I never thought to check.
 
2013-02-11 11:37:44 AM
Coupons are fun, and a home cooked dinner can be romantic, but nothing gets more tail than diamonds.
 
2013-02-11 11:38:17 AM
Well, if you're really desperate for free flowers, funeral homes throw away tons of 'em.  You just have to pick through and find the ones that are still fresh.

Yes I've done this in high school.

/This year we'll be playing Aliens and I'll probably grill some fish.
 
2013-02-11 11:39:23 AM
It doesn't matter how sincere it
Is, nor how heartfelt the spirit
Sentiment will not endear it
What's important is the price

/wrong holiday I know, but still applies
 
2013-02-11 11:40:22 AM

Private_Citizen: Coupons are fun, and a home cooked dinner can be romantic, but nothing gets more tail than diamonds.


Ah yes... "Diamonds... because she'll pretty much have to."
 
2013-02-11 11:40:33 AM
Move out.
 
2013-02-11 11:43:34 AM
A dildo and a pair of slippers, if she don't like the slippers, she can go fark herself.
/Not mine, seen it some movie years ago.
 
2013-02-11 11:44:13 AM

Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.


A superior way to spend that same $75, and it won't wilt in a week (but she might.)

http://www.jimmyjane.com/shop/hellotouch-p-260.html

Article about it on here a while ago, so I don't feel bad pimping it.

/it's an augmentation, not a substitute
//she also gets chocolate; you can't eat flowers
 
2013-02-11 11:44:18 AM
give her an australian kiss.

it's like a french kiss, only down under.
 
2013-02-11 11:44:24 AM
Modified paper towel holder

/It's the gift that keeps on, uh, giving?
 
2013-02-11 11:44:45 AM
Free facial for her
BJ for you
Win win
 
2013-02-11 11:45:37 AM
UFIA
 
2013-02-11 11:46:13 AM
Simple: ignore Valentine's Day. Any guy who falls for this idiocy is a fool. Just do something nice and romantic for her regularly and forget the Separate You From Your Money Holiday #1. If she insists on observing it, find another she.
 
2013-02-11 11:46:29 AM
Myself, I agreed to watch one of the terrible chick flicks with her while we eat takeout. Last year was the notebook. A major selling point for this was I agreed to keep my mouth shut, thankfully I am allowed to get drunk.
 
2013-02-11 11:47:11 AM
give her a facial. while she is sleeping...tug one out on her face and hair. should make her hair all shiny.

she will thank you for it.

tape it for us though just to see her reaction.
 
2013-02-11 11:47:12 AM

Prevailing Wind: Have a page of make me a better man items


Sounds like what she probably wants is a real man, not your snivelling, pussy-ass.
 
2013-02-11 11:47:25 AM

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


What's the excuse to use '20$' instead of '$20?'
 
2013-02-11 11:47:53 AM

Kristoph57: Post it notes. Put them in places she'll discover later. Hand write sexy things about how she smells, looks, makes you feel.

Do something romantic for the evening, & let her find the notes. Then reap the long term benefits of a little effort.


Seriously....that's a REALLY good idea. I'm using this one.
 
2013-02-11 11:50:22 AM
A good, solid fisting.

Don't take "No" for an answer.

Give her the solid fisting no matter what.

Do it without saying anything.

Do it the first moment you see her, no matter where you are.
 
2013-02-11 11:50:38 AM
Get her favorite chocolate flavor, and some berries and bananas and pineapples. Seen an edible arrangement? That's what you're doing, and you're going to spend no more than ten bucks doing it. Get some lettuce, a cheap vase, a box of strawberries, chocolate (I found that Hershey's dark, milk chocolate, and cookies and cream work real well), two pots that nest inside each other, a stove, water, and kebab sticks. Clear some space in your freezer.

Clean fruits, put water in lower pot, medium heat. Place upper pot in lower pot so that water is at least touching the bottom of the upper pot. Grab a fork and stick the berries, and kebab berry on the end. Melt chocolate in upper pot, dip and roll berries USING FORK, and then set berries in freezer using kebab as a brace against other things (you don't want the berries to touch your freezer or you'll get a funny flat side that looks bad). Once you've done enough berries and chocolate to your liking, repeat with other fruits. NOTE: IF THE CHOCOLATE STARTS TO "CAKE": you need to turn down the heat a tad and clean out the chocolate pan and just use new chocolate. At that phase it has begun to dehydrate and really is too much of a pain in the ass to save.

Next, as berries are cooling (don't let them freeze...) put filler, beit small beads or gravel or whatever the hell you want about halfway up your vase. Take lettuce and neatly form it in the upper third. You need a little space to allow for lettuce compression from placing in sticks. Once berries are cooled, arrange in whatever you think looks pretty (if you're not going to be fancy, arrange strawberries to look like a bouquet of roses, and insert different colored fruits in between bunches of 3-5 strawberries). Flare the lettuce around the edges of the vase to make it prettier, and take a small ribbon (optional) and tie to vase. Insert sappy card or note, and BAM! You've now got a decent Edible Arrangement knockoff for about $10. (~$13 if you get pineapples or marshmallows).

Works for mothers day, valentines day, and birthdays. They love it because they love edible arrangements, and then they love it again because you actually spent time to make it yourself.
 
2013-02-11 11:51:52 AM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: ModernPrimitive01: get her involved with one billion rising the women against violence campaign. They big world wide get together is Valentine's day. She feels empowered and you look good for supporting her

That... could actually be a good idea.  Especially if you pack a picnic lunch and go somewhere nice and free before or after.

/spent a Valentine's Day 4 years ago with my boyfriend above a Vagina Monologue performance (he volunteered to run the lighting)
//we're still together
///still not really the biggest VM fan, but some friends of his were really passionate about putting on the production so he volunteered, only guy in the cast or crew... that was pretty damn attractive in and of itself


Any woman that would expect me to attend a "Vagina Monologues" is not a woman I would consider dating.
 
2013-02-11 11:52:18 AM

StaleCoffee: a bit more creative than cheap jewelry or a singing hallmark card


I said that!  No, I'm thinking about buying a gift that you can afford and that you put thought into.  You're just projecting you high self-esteem on a suggestion that goes against your typically bigoted perspective.
 
2013-02-11 11:54:37 AM
A bowling ball with your name ot it...so that she always remembers who got it for her.
 
2013-02-11 11:56:34 AM
Take her out to McDonald's and use one of those "buy one, get one free" coupons.
 
2013-02-11 11:56:41 AM

Lando Lincoln: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

What's the excuse to use '20$' instead of '$20?'


LOL. I like how anal we all are. That one irritated me too.
 
2013-02-11 11:57:12 AM

Naesen: Get her favorite chocolate flavor, and some berries and bananas and pineapples. Seen an edible arrangement? That's what you're doing, and you're going to spend no more than ten bucks doing it. Get some lettuce, a cheap vase, a box of strawberries, chocolate (I found that Hershey's dark, milk chocolate, and cookies and cream work real well), two pots that nest inside each other, a stove, water, and kebab sticks. Clear some space in your freezer.

Clean fruits, put water in lower pot, medium heat. Place upper pot in lower pot so that water is at least touching the bottom of the upper pot. Grab a fork and stick the berries, and kebab berry on the end. Melt chocolate in upper pot, dip and roll berries USING FORK, and then set berries in freezer using kebab as a brace against other things (you don't want the berries to touch your freezer or you'll get a funny flat side that looks bad). Once you've done enough berries and chocolate to your liking, repeat with other fruits. NOTE: IF THE CHOCOLATE STARTS TO "CAKE": you need to turn down the heat a tad and clean out the chocolate pan and just use new chocolate. At that phase it has begun to dehydrate and really is too much of a pain in the ass to save.

Next, as berries are cooling (don't let them freeze...) put filler, beit small beads or gravel or whatever the hell you want about halfway up your vase. Take lettuce and neatly form it in the upper third. You need a little space to allow for lettuce compression from placing in sticks. Once berries are cooled, arrange in whatever you think looks pretty (if you're not going to be fancy, arrange strawberries to look like a bouquet of roses, and insert different colored fruits in between bunches of 3-5 strawberries). Flare the lettuce around the edges of the vase to make it prettier, and take a small ribbon (optional) and tie to vase. Insert sappy card or note, and BAM! You've now got a decent Edible Arrangement knockoff for about $10. (~$13 if you get pineapples or marshmallows) ...


I forgot to add that this is one of those things you really want to manufacture no more than a day in advance and you want to keep in your fridge so as it remains fresh.
 
2013-02-11 11:57:20 AM
An "almost free" thing I've done is buy tons of balloons (inflated), and hide them in places she doesn't go (basement closet, etc).

Wake up early and fill the room with them, and go back to bed.
 
2013-02-11 11:57:30 AM
bouquet of sausage
 
2013-02-11 12:01:59 PM
free? Is it free to just go through the motions once again.
 
2013-02-11 12:04:40 PM
Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?
 
2013-02-11 12:07:11 PM
Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.
 
2013-02-11 12:07:24 PM
What do you mean, free as in beer or free as in speech?
 
2013-02-11 12:07:36 PM

Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?


Accept this as just the way it is or enjoy life alone.

/I chose "B"
 
2013-02-11 12:09:04 PM
Good jewelry that's her style (not just what you think is her style).
Nice handbag (if she's a handbag gal, such as myself...or whatever other accessories she likes).
Homemade dinner that isn't from a box and took effort and more than a couple of ingredients (so...no mac 'n cheese and no frozen entrees.  Doesn't need to be expensive, though.)
Good chocolate (not those Russell Stovers hearts that come with a map.  Go for quality over quantity.)
Lingerie that's not slutty, but is pretty and sexy and she can wear under her work clothes.

If you're over the age of 25 and are to the point in your relationship where you scratch your balls and fart in front of her, half assing Valentines day with a handmade card and some flowers that will die within a day or two isn't going to cut it.  Sorry.
 
2013-02-11 12:09:42 PM
My ex wanted a new washer and dryer, once, so I got her a douchebag and a towel.
 
2013-02-11 12:10:05 PM

mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.


Whore for a day. I like the sound of that. Think I should ask the missus?
 
2013-02-11 12:10:53 PM

Arthurgoboom: Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.


I think her jaw would start to cramp up before she actually passed out.
 
2013-02-11 12:11:09 PM
Empty the used condoms out of her purse for her.
 
2013-02-11 12:11:16 PM
Get a job you worthless bum
 
2013-02-11 12:11:50 PM
Roses are red
Violets are blue.
I've got Hep C
And now so do you.
 
2013-02-11 12:12:08 PM

Nurglitch: LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.

You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.


But that's just moar buttsex right?
 
2013-02-11 12:12:09 PM
Another thing I've done is put a chocolate rose in her car, on the dashboard.  So it's a surprise.
 
2013-02-11 12:16:55 PM
Make up a "Happy Valentine's Day, Mommy" card with stickers and crayons and stuff.  Sneak into her kitchen and set up the card along with a little tiny coffin with chocolates inside.  When she comes down, tell her that you love her very much and don't even expect love back from someone like her.  Then the two of you get all dressed up and go bomb a clinic.
 
2013-02-11 12:17:53 PM
to bad you said free, i has pretty cheap

go to a craft store get a heart shaped box
grab a large bag of valentines M&Ms
pour into box
Write a note to put in with M&Ms
Profit!
 
2013-02-11 12:19:03 PM

StreetlightInTheGhetto: ModernPrimitive01: get her involved with one billion rising the women against violence campaign. They big world wide get together is Valentine's day. She feels empowered and you look good for supporting her

That... could actually be a good idea.  Especially if you pack a picnic lunch and go somewhere nice and free before or after.

/spent a Valentine's Day 4 years ago with my boyfriend above a Vagina Monologue performance (he volunteered to run the lighting)
//we're still together
///still not really the biggest VM fan, but some friends of his were really passionate about putting on the production so he volunteered, only guy in the cast or crew... that was pretty damn attractive in and of itself


I was thinking more along the lines of she goes with her girlfriends and I stay at home and play video games, but hey if your guy wants to make some sandwiches good for you
 
2013-02-11 12:19:22 PM

Naesen: Get her favorite chocolate flavor, and some berries and bananas and pineapples. Seen an edible arrangement? That's what you're doing, and you're going to spend no more than ten bucks doing it. Get some lettuce, a cheap vase, a box of strawberries, chocolate (I found that Hershey's dark, milk chocolate, and cookies and cream work real well), two pots that nest inside each other, a stove, water, and kebab sticks. Clear some space in your freezer.

Clean fruits, put water in lower pot, medium heat. Place upper pot in lower pot so that water is at least touching the bottom of the upper pot. Grab a fork and stick the berries, and kebab berry on the end. Melt chocolate in upper pot, dip and roll berries USING FORK, and then set berries in freezer using kebab as a brace against other things (you don't want the berries to touch your freezer or you'll get a funny flat side that looks bad). Once you've done enough berries and chocolate to your liking, repeat with other fruits. NOTE: IF THE CHOCOLATE STARTS TO "CAKE": you need to turn down the heat a tad and clean out the chocolate pan and just use new chocolate. At that phase it has begun to dehydrate and really is too much of a pain in the ass to save.

Next, as berries are cooling (don't let them freeze...) put filler, beit small beads or gravel or whatever the hell you want about halfway up your vase. Take lettuce and neatly form it in the upper third. You need a little space to allow for lettuce compression from placing in sticks. Once berries are cooled, arrange in whatever you think looks pretty (if you're not going to be fancy, arrange strawberries to look like a bouquet of roses, and insert different colored fruits in between bunches of 3-5 strawberries). Flare the lettuce around the edges of the vase to make it prettier, and take a small ribbon (optional) and tie to vase. Insert sappy card or note, and BAM! You've now got a decent Edible Arrangement knockoff for about $10. (~$13 if you get pineapples or marshmallows) ...


Or if that seems like too much work, you can do chocolate dipped strawberries easily with a microwave.  Buy some nice fat fresh strawberries and some high quality chocolate, even Ghiradelli semi-sweet chocolate chips work.  Melt the chocolate at 50% power in the microwave.  Mix regularly to break the chips apart.  When melted, dip in cleaned strawberries and let sit on waxed paper or parchment paper for 30 minutes.  You can literally do this in the hour before she gets home from work.
 
2013-02-11 12:20:26 PM
Allow her the privlege of giving you a blow job.
 
2013-02-11 12:23:01 PM

EmmaLou: Good jewelry that's her style (not just what you think is her style).
Nice handbag (if she's a handbag gal, such as myself...or whatever other accessories she likes).
Homemade dinner that isn't from a box and took effort and more than a couple of ingredients (so...no mac 'n cheese and no frozen entrees.  Doesn't need to be expensive, though.)
Good chocolate (not those Russell Stovers hearts that come with a map.  Go for quality over quantity.)
Lingerie that's not slutty, but is pretty and sexy and she can wear under her work clothes.

If you're over the age of 25 and are to the point in your relationship where you scratch your balls and fart in front of her, half assing Valentines day with a handmade card and some flowers that will die within a day or two isn't going to cut it.  Sorry.


You denigrate homemade cards, and criticize someone buying jewelry for you when they genuinely try to get something you like, but are slightly off. What a catch you must be. I have to ask, what do you bring to the table for V-Day, besides a diva attitude?
 
2013-02-11 12:25:24 PM
Spray paint her name on HWY overpass.
 
2013-02-11 12:25:26 PM
Forever Alone thread.

i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2013-02-11 12:25:28 PM

LaraAmber: Naesen: Get her favorite chocolate flavor, and some berries and bananas and pineapples. Seen an edible arrangement? That's what you're doing, and you're going to spend no more than ten bucks doing it. Get some lettuce, a cheap vase, a box of strawberries, chocolate (I found that Hershey's dark, milk chocolate, and cookies and cream work real well), two pots that nest inside each other, a stove, water, and kebab sticks. Clear some space in your freezer.

Clean fruits, put water in lower pot, medium heat. Place upper pot in lower pot so that water is at least touching the bottom of the upper pot. Grab a fork and stick the berries, and kebab berry on the end. Melt chocolate in upper pot, dip and roll berries USING FORK, and then set berries in freezer using kebab as a brace against other things (you don't want the berries to touch your freezer or you'll get a funny flat side that looks bad). Once you've done enough berries and chocolate to your liking, repeat with other fruits. NOTE: IF THE CHOCOLATE STARTS TO "CAKE": you need to turn down the heat a tad and clean out the chocolate pan and just use new chocolate. At that phase it has begun to dehydrate and really is too much of a pain in the ass to save.

Next, as berries are cooling (don't let them freeze...) put filler, beit small beads or gravel or whatever the hell you want about halfway up your vase. Take lettuce and neatly form it in the upper third. You need a little space to allow for lettuce compression from placing in sticks. Once berries are cooled, arrange in whatever you think looks pretty (if you're not going to be fancy, arrange strawberries to look like a bouquet of roses, and insert different colored fruits in between bunches of 3-5 strawberries). Flare the lettuce around the edges of the vase to make it prettier, and take a small ribbon (optional) and tie to vase. Insert sappy card or note, and BAM! You've now got a decent Edible Arrangement knockoff for about $10. (~$13 if you get pineapples or marsh ...


I did think of that but I could never get the chocolate to melt right without burning. Probably because I didn't use 50% power. Duly noted.
 
2013-02-11 12:27:33 PM

JackieRabbit: Simple: ignore Valentine's Day. Any guy who falls for this idiocy is a fool. Just do something nice and romantic for her regularly and forget the Separate You From Your Money Holiday #1. If she insists on observing it, find another she.


THIS!!
 
2013-02-11 12:27:47 PM
Whatever you get her, be sure it prepares her for a relationship defined by complete and utter cheapness.
 
2013-02-11 12:28:18 PM

Glancing Blow: StaleCoffee: a bit more creative than cheap jewelry or a singing hallmark card

I said that!  No, I'm thinking about buying a gift that you can afford and that you put thought into.  You're just projecting you high self-esteem on a suggestion that goes against your typically bigoted perspective.


How dare you accuse me of projecting my high self-esteem. I'll have you know I'm a miserable and lowly wretch who lacks ambition, creativity and foresight. I'll also have you know I eat therapeutically and haven't seen the inside of a gym in my whole life. When the asteroid hits us on Friday, it will be due to my self-esteem being so low it constitutes a gravity well on a cosmic scale.
 
2013-02-11 12:28:42 PM
Tell her you donated $100 to her favorite charity
Sing a karaoke love song to her
Make an origami bird
Draw a heart on your chest in black magic marker that says "Property of <her name>" inside it
Take a bath together and wash her back and hair for her
Post on Facebook how she has the nicest funbox of any of your other gf's, past and present
Stop farking her sister (just for that day only though)
Give her a warning before you nut in her eye

/only some of these are good ideas
 
2013-02-11 12:30:06 PM

Head_Shot: mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.

Whore for a day. I like the sound of that. Think I should ask the missus?


We have a good give and take relationship.

Yes, you should ask the missus and be sure to use the phrase whore for a day.
 
2013-02-11 12:30:21 PM
Take an empty Altoids can and put a picture of you and your sweetie inside, and put some ribbon around the edge (depth-wise).  Either find a nice poem or song lyrics the two of you enjoy or write something original, print it out and glue it to the inside of the lid.  Leave the outside alone.  Now your loved one has a secret valentine that will last forever.
 
2013-02-11 12:30:32 PM

mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.


I like the cut of your jib.
 
2013-02-11 12:30:41 PM
Free get your ass in the kitchen.
 
2013-02-11 12:31:23 PM

Lando Lincoln: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

What's the excuse to use '20$' instead of '$20?'


Why the hell is it written that way anyhow? We don't say "That will be dollars twenty sir"

makes more sense to have it after, and i've never seen such pedancy over the placement of a non puncruating symbol before. Of course if you're doing accounting and math and such, you want that first, but in a sentence, why the hell should it matter?
 
2013-02-11 12:34:18 PM
Wake her up at 3am and take her to breakfast at Denny's.  Women like spontaneity!
 
2013-02-11 12:34:42 PM
a handfull of them paint sample swatches is always nice
 
2013-02-11 12:35:06 PM

dopekitty74: makes more sense to have it after, and i've never seen such pedancy over the placement of a non puncruating symbol before. Of course if you're doing accounting and math and such, you want that first, but in a sentence, why the hell should it matter?


I just want exclamation marks at the beginning of sentences! (see, you didn't think I was screaming that)
 
2013-02-11 12:35:29 PM

Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?


But it's not just about the girl. You get to use your credit card. It's very thoughtful of her to let you do that.
 
2013-02-11 12:36:48 PM
Get her a lazy boy so she can watch you sit and watch tv.
 
2013-02-11 12:37:08 PM

Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?


Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...
 
2013-02-11 12:39:49 PM

mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.


You expect jewelry for blowjobs? That's kinda crappy. I'm happy to give my hubby a blowjob when he wants one, in return, he buys me thoughtful quirky gifts throughout the year and treats me with love and respect all the time. What the hell do I need jewelry for? My wedding band is pretty much the only jewelry I wear anyhow, except for a special piercing ;)
 
2013-02-11 12:44:20 PM

dopekitty74: mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.

You expect jewelry for blowjobs? That's kinda crappy. I'm happy to give my hubby a blowjob when he wants one, in return, he buys me thoughtful quirky gifts throughout the year and treats me with love and respect all the time. What the hell do I need jewelry for? My wedding band is pretty much the only jewelry I wear anyhow, except for a special piercing ;)


Hey now, not crappy. Just different strokes for different folks.
 
2013-02-11 12:45:44 PM

FeFiFoFark: a handfull of them paint sample swatches is always nice


You could fashion them into a nice mosaic portrait.
 
2013-02-11 12:46:02 PM
Big load of crap on pretty construction paper and a sweet card saying I made this just for you.
 
2013-02-11 12:48:18 PM
cdn.someecards.com
 
2013-02-11 12:48:50 PM

Elzar: Weener in a box.


no need to go any further
 
2013-02-11 12:50:09 PM

JackieRabbit: Simple: ignore Valentine's Day. Any guy who falls for this idiocy is a fool. Just do something nice and romantic for her regularly and forget the Separate You From Your Money Holiday #1. If she insists on observing it, find another she.


yea that works right up until the moment her friends/mom/sister asks what you got her for V-day.
 
2013-02-11 12:51:37 PM
A deep, deep dicking.
 
2013-02-11 12:53:23 PM
On the off chance there's a Farker with a romantic streak here's two things I've done before.  They are not free but they are pretty inexpensive.

Go to Walmart/Kmart and buy a twin size red sheet.  Fold it in half and cut out a half teardrop shape along the fold so when you unfold it you have a giant sized heart that you can tack up somewhere.  It takes a couple of pushpins.  I wouldn't go larger than a twin or it gets a little too big.

Go to Walmart/Kmart and buy some giant sized pieces of chalk.  Write giant HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY message somewhere she'll see it.
 
2013-02-11 12:56:51 PM
Do they still sell Dove Unconditional Chocolate anywhere within 100 miles of Philly?

Anyone?
 
2013-02-11 12:56:59 PM

ahchoo: uncleacid: Herpes.

one day i'll learn to read all of the comments before posting...


It's kind of alarming that so many think of this immediately.
 
2013-02-11 12:59:17 PM

Theory Of Null: Free get your ass in the kitchen.


The only thing the broads should ever do in the kitchen is make sammiches.  The rest of the cooking should be left up to the men.  We run the restaurant world for a reason.
 
2013-02-11 01:00:42 PM
I sang a bunch of jazz standards and put them on Youtube for her.

Her birthday was last week so she just got a nice gift from me. Thursday will be card, baked goods and the bouquet of flowers I am obligated by her name to provide. I'm not going to go too nuts though 'cause I kind of did an all out thing for the birthday.
 
2013-02-11 01:01:21 PM

Smeggy Smurf: Theory Of Null: Free get your ass in the kitchen.

The only thing the broads should ever do in the kitchen is make sammiches.


You forgot doing the dishes!
 
2013-02-11 01:01:28 PM

StaleCoffee: Do they still sell Dove Unconditional Chocolate anywhere within 100 miles of Philly?

Anyone?


Hershey's has PA monopolized AND YOU'LL LIKE IT
 
2013-02-11 01:02:45 PM

stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...


Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.
 
2013-02-11 01:05:03 PM
Kill something and let her cook it for your dinner.
100% no cost

Bonus - maybe she'll get a new fur! Or fresh pillow stuffing!
 
2013-02-11 01:06:43 PM

mizchief: JackieRabbit: Simple: ignore Valentine's Day. Any guy who falls for this idiocy is a fool. Just do something nice and romantic for her regularly and forget the Separate You From Your Money Holiday #1. If she insists on observing it, find another she.

yea that works right up until the moment her friends/mom/sister asks what you got her for V-day.


My wife and I had this "problem" for oh, one V-Day. We just told people that we didn't observe it and let it go at that. We didn't care if anyone agreed with us or not. And now that we are older almost no one we know celebrates what is really a horny guy/attention-grabbing gal kid's holiday.
 
2013-02-11 01:06:48 PM

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


A boont cake?
 
2013-02-11 01:09:23 PM

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


Yeah, I don't think there will be as much fanfare as you think. The men in his office won't give a damn where the cake came from. They'll just want to know if anyone is going to eat that last piece. Its possible that between mouthfuls of cake, that someone will mumble, "Hey, where did this come from?" but even that is doubtful.
 
2013-02-11 01:09:29 PM

mrswood: Head_Shot: mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.

Whore for a day. I like the sound of that. Think I should ask the missus?

We have a good give and take relationship.

Yes, you should ask the missus and be sure to use the phrase whore for a day.


I tend to call a spade a spade.
 
2013-02-11 01:09:45 PM

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


The good girls don't like me... =(
 
2013-02-11 01:10:24 PM

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


That's pretty cool. I always try to do something nice for my man on valentines too, i've done sappy homemade cards, made special dinners, etc. Men deserve to be treated nice too :)
 
2013-02-11 01:11:28 PM

LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.


My ex worked in an office where he was one of two men in a cubical land of 50ish people. For V Day, I would wake up early to make amazing fried chicken (his favorite food...and this was in MS). I'd put it in a giant heart shaped box from Hobby Lobby.

His entire office would stink of fried chicken love. That kind of makes me a bad person. And I should feel bad.
 
2013-02-11 01:14:08 PM

dopekitty74: LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.

That's pretty cool. I always try to do something nice for my man on valentines too, i've done sappy homemade cards, made special dinners, etc. Men deserve to be treated nice too :)


My last Valentine's day I ever tried to celebrate, my schizophrenic gf gave me a black eye and a concussion during one of her episodes...
 
2013-02-11 01:14:26 PM
Getting her nothing and then trying to wrap it in anti-commercialism is only going to work if she already feels that way about Valentine's Day. If a guy made me a romantic dinner, I would assume it was a build up to a very special present, because man, I farking love Valentine's Day.

If you're going to go the thoughtful route, you still need some kind of gift. I have seen dirt cheap Swarovski crystal earrings set in silver (under $20 a pair) that would make a perfect gift in a nice box or pouch. Those, along with a hint that one day you will buy her real diamonds, would probably be well received.

One thing I have been not-so-subtly asking for as a birthday/Christmas/Anniversary/Valentine's Day present is for him to go through our thousands of digital photos, print some out, and put a bunch on the digital frame we were given as a present a couple of years ago and sits blackly on the mantel. Assuming you're as slack as most people (and have been together long enough that you won't be going through photos of her exes) this would also be dirt cheap and much appreciated.

Seriously though. Present, flowers, chocolate, card, and dinner. Unless you lavish her with love and attention year round, these are non-negotiable, even if you have to go the cheapo route.
 
2013-02-11 01:15:23 PM

dopekitty74: LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.

That's pretty cool. I always try to do something nice for my man on valentines too, i've done sappy homemade cards, made special dinners, etc. Men deserve to be treated nice too :)


You should write a newletter or something
 
2013-02-11 01:19:46 PM

stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...


Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-
I think if you're going to do something for valentines day you both should. A relationship is a two way street, both parties need to show some love (year round.) Valentines day should be sweet, sexy, romantic and inexpensive for all those involved.
 
2013-02-11 01:19:48 PM
Hell, I got my husband a restraining order. His pre-VDay attempts at wooing me back did not succeed.
 
2013-02-11 01:20:34 PM
Batteries and film. From the CVS. Yes I did. She still would not leave me
 
2013-02-11 01:22:48 PM

Coronal mass ejection: Batteries and film. From the CVS. Yes I did. She still would not leave me


forgot to add shoplifting the prizes for that adrenaline rush
/selfish
 
2013-02-11 01:23:29 PM

PullmyHair: Hell, I got my husband a restraining order. His pre-VDay attempts at wooing me back did not succeed.


"wooing" is about polite efforts to secure your affections, not the sound the machete makes as he swings it at you screaming.
 
2013-02-11 01:24:14 PM

Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-
I think if you're going to do something for valentines day you both should. A relationship is a two way street, both parties need to show some love (year round.) Valentines day should be sweet, sexy, romantic and inexpensive for all those involved.


THIS!

And EVERYONE should get oral. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.
 
2013-02-11 01:27:05 PM

ablank: Nurglitch: LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.

You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.

But that's just moar buttsex right?


The point is that's what she wants. If she wanted buttsex and I got her flowers then I would have done SOMETHING WRONG. Incidentally, you lot can keep your VD bjs. I'm getting buttsex.
 
2013-02-11 01:29:09 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.

Yeah, I don't think there will be as much fanfare as you think. The men in his office won't give a damn where the cake came from. They'll just want to know if anyone is going to eat that last piece. Its possible that between mouthfuls of cake, that someone will mumble, "Hey, where did this come from?" but even that is doubtful.


Well they will notice the decorated cake  in a big cellophane wrap being delivered to his desk.

/not really caring if I'm personally lauded
//just happy knowing the guys will at least get an afternoon treat (I know about half of them, small dept of "lifers")
///plus hey, if he's embarrassed, bonus!
 
2013-02-11 01:29:56 PM

megarian: Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-
I think if you're going to do something for valentines day you both should. A relationship is a two way street, both parties need to show some love (year round.) Valentines day should be sweet, sexy, romantic and inexpensive for all those involved.

THIS!

And EVERYONE should get oral. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.


THIS! Twice, if necessary
 
2013-02-11 01:31:53 PM

megarian: And EVERYONE should get oral. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.


cdn0.hark.com
 
2013-02-11 01:35:23 PM

Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-


Because I am bitter and jaded and sacrificed everything I had and my life savings to help my schizophrenic gf try to get better, only to have her leave anyway (her setting me on fire while I was asleep was the final straw).  Basically, the good old if I can't be happy, then fark everyone else... enjoy your V day... I'm just jealous.
 
2013-02-11 01:39:54 PM
A short story written on folded printer paper with a colored paper cover, holes punched in the spine, bound with string and a little bow. "Once upon a time... A boy... And a girl... (Random personal/ inside joke, etc) and the lived (happily/sexily/realistically/whateverly ever after" Illustrate with stick figures or Paint a la Hyperbole and a Half.

Chicks dig that crap.
 
2013-02-11 01:40:24 PM

StaleCoffee: PullmyHair: Hell, I got my husband a restraining order. His pre-VDay attempts at wooing me back did not succeed.

"wooing" is about polite efforts to secure your affections, not the sound the machete makes as he swings it at you screaming.


Duly noted. Machete swinging is on the list of 'unacceptable behavior'.
 
2013-02-11 01:41:39 PM

stonicus: Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-

Because I am bitter and jaded and sacrificed everything I had and my life savings to help my schizophrenic gf try to get better, only to have her leave anyway (her setting me on fire while I was asleep was the final straw).  Basically, the good old if I can't be happy, then fark everyone else... enjoy your V day... I'm just jealous.


Wow man, that's beyond fu*ked up. Sorry you had to go through that, but we're not all alike...
 
2013-02-11 01:42:03 PM

stonicus: Uniquely Common: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Really? Then why am I (female) suggesting otherwise -_-

Because I am bitter and jaded and sacrificed everything I had and my life savings to help my schizophrenic gf try to get better, only to have her leave anyway (her setting me on fire while I was asleep was the final straw).  Basically, the good old if I can't be happy, then fark everyone else... enjoy your V day... I'm just jealous.


I know it can be hard to let go man, but... there's a point where the crazy eyes are a big red flag and it's way before she sets you on fire when you're asleep.
 
2013-02-11 01:49:30 PM
I'd prefer to do a fun or special activity together. Not necessarily on Valentines day, but a special hiking or camping trip or checking out some local wineries... for the prices of a $100 meal and $75 roses we could go to about 6 baseball games this summer!

Mine cooks me dinner ALL THE TIME (he cooks I clean!) which is way better than dinner once a year OR going out. And I am not a fan of spending money on jewelry or flowers. If he really wanted to surprise me he could clean the entire house but I'd rather have a dirty house and just spend time together.

That said, my hubs is in overseas working and has been for the last 3 weeks and all I want is the day off work so I can spend more time Skyping him :(. Wah.

If he was here I'd get him cream soda and chocolate covered strawberries and he'd make dinner and give me chocolate truffles. Then we'd go ice skating and mock other couples we know.
 
2013-02-11 02:13:28 PM

Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.


Flowers are not in lieu of a gift, but in addition to. At the very least you need some sort of dinner (restaurant, cooked, or ordered in), flowers, and a card. Gifts are not necessary unless it is a special circumstance. Roses in my opinion are cheesy. In my experience, most girls really don't care much for roses. When it comes to birthdays or valentine's day, being frugal to the point of jewish is not a good way of approaching things. It is the one time out of the year where you can and should splurge a little.
 
2013-02-11 02:17:14 PM

antidumbass: My GF & I don't celebrate V-Day. She was dumped by an abusive ex on that day~ bad memories.


I think I'd want to celebrate a day that someone abusive dumped me, but then I'm so crazy that I would have dumped the abuser first.

/doesn't believe in Valentine's Day, but will be buying chocolate-covered Gummi Bears for the Mrs., and something small for my daughter.
 
2013-02-11 02:17:39 PM

the money is in the banana stand: Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.

Flowers are not in lieu of a gift, but in addition to. At the very least you need some sort of dinner (restaurant, cooked, or ordered in), flowers, and a card. Gifts are not necessary unless it is a special circumstance. Roses in my opinion are cheesy. In my experience, most girls really don't care much for roses. When it comes to birthdays or valentine's day, being frugal to the point of jewish is not a good way of approaching things. It is the one time out of the year where you can and should splurge a little.


Really?  It's 2013 and you think that's still an acceptable phrase?

/oh and I like roses, just prefer yellow, cream, and peach.
 
2013-02-11 02:21:36 PM

dopekitty74: mrswood: Sure, I would encourage my husband to give me a homemade gift if he didn't like bj's. But he likes them and I like jewelry.

You expect jewelry for blowjobs? That's kinda crappy. I'm happy to give my hubby a blowjob when he wants one, in return, he buys me thoughtful quirky gifts throughout the year and treats me with love and respect all the time. What the hell do I need jewelry for? My wedding band is pretty much the only jewelry I wear anyhow, except for a special piercing ;)


But for the piercing, I'd have mistaken you for my wife. :-D
 
2013-02-11 02:23:28 PM

Nurglitch: ablank: Nurglitch: LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.

You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.

But that's just moar buttsex right?

The point is that's what she wants. If she wanted buttsex and I got her flowers then I would have done SOMETHING WRONG. Incidentally, you lot can keep your VD bjs. I'm getting buttsex.


Say "Hi" to George for us!
 
2013-02-11 02:35:07 PM
I have a heart shaped cheesecake pan hiding in the garage.
 
2013-02-11 02:43:21 PM

DittoToo: I have a heart shaped cheesecake pan hiding in the garage.


Nothing like a little CO to make her heart swoon....better than Chloroform....i hear.
 
2013-02-11 02:48:32 PM
KHITBASH
 
2013-02-11 02:53:26 PM

uncleacid: Herpes.


No regifting!
 
2013-02-11 03:04:48 PM
A new pair of knee pads so she can spend more time scrubbing the floors and toilets.

Some hand dipped strawberries with 2 or 3 tugs of man juice mixed in the chocolate that she can share with her friends and family.
 
2013-02-11 03:14:44 PM

LaraAmber: the money is in the banana stand: Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.

Flowers are not in lieu of a gift, but in addition to. At the very least you need some sort of dinner (restaurant, cooked, or ordered in), flowers, and a card. Gifts are not necessary unless it is a special circumstance. Roses in my opinion are cheesy. In my experience, most girls really don't care much for roses. When it comes to birthdays or valentine's day, being frugal to the point of jewish is not a good way of approaching things. It is the one time out of the year where you can and should splurge a little.

Really?  It's 2013 and you think that's still an acceptable phrase?

/oh and I like roses, just prefer yellow, cream, and peach.


Lighten up Francis.
 
2013-02-11 03:20:03 PM
I've written a romantic haiku for you to give her:

You have grown on me
Like E. coli on room temp
Mayonnaise and beef
 
2013-02-11 03:29:11 PM

stonicus: dopekitty74: LaraAmber: stonicus: Uniquely Common: Blow Job


/why does valentines day just have to be about the girl?

Because in girl world, EVERY day is about the girl...

Odd because I'm pretty sure I'm having a bundt cake sent to my husband's work.  Since his department is mostly men, he will be the hero of the day.

That's pretty cool. I always try to do something nice for my man on valentines too, i've done sappy homemade cards, made special dinners, etc. Men deserve to be treated nice too :)

My last Valentine's day I ever tried to celebrate, my schizophrenic gf gave me a black eye and a concussion during one of her episodes...


We said we were sorry!
 
2013-02-11 03:29:58 PM
I'm personally excited for Valentine's. I think the BF is too because he knows I like to do extra special things for the special days, so he's definintley wondering what I've got up my sleeve. I'm treating him to a nice dinner out, all I asked was he dress nicely. I printed a card that I will be cutting into a 3-D fold out which will accompany a framed picture of us and a plethora of mini pies I will be baking for him since that is his favorite dessert (apple, pecan, peanut butter chocolate, and possibly snickers). I'm doing this because I want him to know how special he is, not because I expect anything in return. I would actually prefer he not spend money for Valentine's, esp. on the red and pink crap that's 5x more expensive just because it's red and pink and has the word Valentine on it. Not everything is about price for all females.

/Sappy I know, just wanted to share
/of course there will also be a happy ending ;)
 
2013-02-11 03:32:45 PM

EmmaLou: If you're over the age of 25 and are to the point in your relationship where you scratch your balls and fart in front of her, half assing Valentines day with a handmade card and some flowers that will die within a day or two isn't going to cut it.  Sorry.


To each their own. I'm over 25, she's close, she laughs when I scratch my balls in front of her and farting earns an eye roll, so whatever.
That said, there are no plans for anything special for Valentine's day besides acknowledging the holiday - we already cook for each other on a regular basis because we like to, she's happily munching away at a bag of M&Ms I got her out of the blue a few weeks ago, and we already went through a bag of chalk she got herself (some might call them candy hearts, but not I). We will both be helping with lessons for a ballroom dance club and taking one ourselves for pretty much the whole evening on the 14th, like every week, accompanied by some fast food where we can snag it. If it weren't for having to get up early the next morning for work, I might be a bit more romantic and pull out a few coils of rope when we go to bed that night in addition to the normal play time, but we'll see.

Maybe talking with your partner more than a week before the "holiday" and figuring out where you both stand so you're on the same page with expectations is uncommon?


/ I'm old enough to know "no, I don't want anything" translates to "oh, ok, maybe something small and thoughtful" for her, so she is getting something. I'm not completely stupid.
 
2013-02-11 03:34:07 PM

NewbornRook: I'm personally excited for Valentine's. I think the BF is too because he knows I like to do extra special things for the special days, so he's definintley wondering what I've got up my sleeve. I'm treating him to a nice dinner out, all I asked was he dress nicely. I printed a card that I will be cutting into a 3-D fold out which will accompany a framed picture of us and a plethora of mini pies I will be baking for him since that is his favorite dessert (apple, pecan, peanut butter chocolate, and possibly snickers). I'm doing this because I want him to know how special he is, not because I expect anything in return. I would actually prefer he not spend money for Valentine's, esp. on the red and pink crap that's 5x more expensive just because it's red and pink and has the word Valentine on it. Not everything is about price for all females.

/Sappy I know, just wanted to share
/of course there will also be a happy ending ;)


You're doing it right.
 
2013-02-11 03:39:59 PM

the money is in the banana stand: Heist: Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.

Flowers are not in lieu of a gift, but in addition to. At the very least you need some sort of dinner (restaurant, cooked, or ordered in), flowers, and a card. Gifts are not necessary unless it is a special circumstance. Roses in my opinion are cheesy. In my experience, most girls really don't care much for roses. When it comes to birthdays or valentine's day, being frugal to the point of jewish is not a good way of approaching things. It is the one time out of the year where you can and should splurge a little.


That kind of thinking is exactly the problem. I'll bust out my French cooking chops, and make some chocolate covered strawberries, and I'll put together a nice card I made myself. The money I (or we, since we share a bank account) save will go to a fun event at a later date. That shows way more thought than throwing what could potentially amount to hundreds of dollars just to hit the "bare minimum" standard of flowers + dinner. I splurge on her birthday, and our anniversary, and Christmas, and other random days just as a surprise. I don't go all out on Valentine's day because I don't have to compensate for the rest of the year.
 
2013-02-11 03:41:40 PM
Hilah shows you how to make chocolate truffles.
 
2013-02-11 03:54:28 PM

stonicus: Smeggy Smurf: Theory Of Null: Free get your ass in the kitchen.

The only thing the broads should ever do in the kitchen is make sammiches.

You forgot doing the dishes!


That's what the dog is for
 
2013-02-11 04:06:45 PM
Two thingo:

1. I'm not getting her shiat for Valentines Day. I treat her like a god dang princess the entire yeao. For this one day, ONE DAY, I'm going to make her appreciate everything else I do for her throughout the year.

2. If you are single, this is absolutely the best day to pick up chicks for one night stands at bars. Any girl at a bar on valentines day that isn't with a dude is guaranteed to put out. When I was single, it worked 5 out of 5 times.
 
2013-02-11 04:41:00 PM
Those hot sauce packets from Taco Bell are always nice...

Careful, some of those propose marriage.

Valentine's day is the day before one of my favorite holidays: Cheap Chocolate Day! I warned my husband that he was probably going to get some Valentinesy chocolate in the next week or so.
 
2013-02-11 05:26:44 PM
Yeah... no wonder I'm single.
 
2013-02-11 06:56:46 PM
in my loveless sexless sham of a marriage we exchange no cards or gifts. i finally caught on about 2 years ago after growing tired of my giving being a one way street for around the previous 4 years.
 
2013-02-11 07:15:39 PM
"There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.

There is no excuse for a person over 6 years old to not know to put the dollar sign first.
"

I like the dollar sine where it is spoken.  Since when does someone who loves to follow rules come to this sight anyways...?
 
2013-02-11 07:19:15 PM

KrispyKritter: in my loveless sexless sham of a marriage we exchange no cards or gifts. i finally caught on about 2 years ago after growing tired of my giving being a one way street for around the previous 4 years.


Give her one last valentine's card. Put the divorce decree inside it.
 
2013-02-11 08:07:04 PM
I worked for 1800Flowers for a few years, and learned some important things about Valentine's Day:

1) Send the flowers to her workplace. This causes her co-workers to admire her, and they will say nice things about you for having done so.
2) When buying flowers for your mistress, do NOT use your wife's credit card. This faux pas is astonishingly common.

3) And on a more boring note, Christmas time is a huge holiday for sales of red roses (and in some areas, Hanukkah for white roses). This leaves a very short growing season before Valentine's Day rolls around, and the supply is already low so the higher prices in February are a partial reflection of that scarcity.
 
2013-02-11 08:28:14 PM
Friend (who would like to be more than friends) put a bookshelf together for me and said that's what I'm getting.  Fine by me!

Perfectly capable of assembling my own bookshelf, but he knew it had been sitting there in the box for a month while I didn't get around to it.  And yeah, it would probably have stayed there for another month.
 
2013-02-11 08:49:59 PM
I let her play with my wingwang, what more does she need?
 
2013-02-11 10:58:05 PM
The cashier at my grocery store asked me last week what she should get her 25 year old boyfriend. I wish I said "A threesome."
 
2013-02-11 11:08:06 PM

Arthurgoboom: Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.


I like the cut of your jib. So much THIS.

Also, any dude who rails against the commercialism of Valentine's Day has obviously never heard of Steak and Blowjob Day.
 
2013-02-11 11:13:16 PM

redsquid: Last year I found a heart shaped Scotch scrubby pad and some cleaner in a pink bottle. I added a ribbon and voila- happy valentines day. Stupid ass made up holiday!


Ever notice that the vast majority of made  up holidays are for women?
 
2013-02-12 04:20:29 AM

WordyGrrl: 2) When buying flowers for your mistress, do NOT use your wife's credit card. This faux pas is astonishingly common.


Long time ago I was listening to some morning drive time radio and the DJ had some girl on who thought her boyfriend was cheating on her.  So the DJ calls the boyfriend up and lays out some story about how he's doing a promo for a florist and you random dude have just won a dozen roses.  Just need a name for the card and an address to send them to.  'natch the dude gives the name of the girl he's cheating with and not his girlfriends name.  BOOM!! girlfriend jumps on the line and starts ripping the dude a new one.  Dude was totally busted and it made for good morning drive time drama, which always helps the commute.
 
2013-02-12 04:22:16 AM

KrispyKritter: in my loveless sexless sham of a marriage we exchange no cards or gifts. i finally caught on about 2 years ago after growing tired of my giving being a one way street for around the previous 4 years.


Dude if you've reached the point of separate bedrooms just go do what you like.  Life's too short to not enjoy it.
 
2013-02-12 07:28:44 AM

empres77: Arthurgoboom: Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.

I like the cut of your jib. So much THIS.

Also, any dude who rails against the commercialism of Valentine's Day has obviously never heard of Steak and Blowjob Day.


We've heard of it. It's the wives that need education
 
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