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(Patch)   Farkers: Creative suggestions needed for a free Valentine's Day gift - because it's the thought that counts, right?   (dacula.patch.com) divider line 200
    More: Misc, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day gift, blood donors  
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2435 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 11:11 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-11 11:05:06 AM  
Weener in a box.
 
2013-02-11 11:07:33 AM  
Carve her initials in the kitchen broom handle.
 
2013-02-11 11:12:13 AM  

SnarfVader: Carve her initials in the kitchen broom handle.


Carve her initials in your forearm.
 
2013-02-11 11:12:15 AM  
Everybody loves macaroni art.
 
2013-02-11 11:13:17 AM  
Hand-drawn valentine card and oral until she passes out.
 
2013-02-11 11:13:37 AM  
Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"
 
2013-02-11 11:15:42 AM  
Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

A candle-lit home cooked meal

Wicked sloppy bang time
 
2013-02-11 11:16:06 AM  

Elzar: Weener in a box.


That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title..
 
2013-02-11 11:16:27 AM  
Make it a "Valentine's Day to End Sexism" and demand that she shower you with gifts and affection.
 
2013-02-11 11:17:07 AM  

iamrex: Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

A candle-lit home cooked meal

Wicked sloppy bang time


Shouldnt you be like.. totes bombarded by flower work?
 
2013-02-11 11:17:09 AM  
You might as well masturbate, because that's the only sex you will receive.

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.

But if it's Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, it's a crime.
 
2013-02-11 11:17:27 AM  
Herpes.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:00 AM  
"Backrub coupons"...giggity. The gift for her AND me. Shhhh.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:27 AM  

mjones73: Elzar: Weener in a box.

That was the first thing that came to mind when I saw the title..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhwbxEfy7fg

THIS
 
2013-02-11 11:18:39 AM  

iamrex: Coupons for activities s/he will enjoy


(Not throatjobs)

A hand made card with a poem you wrote yourself

(No, not the one about the buy from Nantucket.)

A candle-lit home cooked meal

(No, not TIna's frozen burritos that you put some salsa on.)

Wicked sloppy bang time

For your hand.
 
2013-02-11 11:18:49 AM  
Last year I found a heart shaped Scotch scrubby pad and some cleaner in a pink bottle. I added a ribbon and voila- happy valentines day. Stupid ass made up holiday!
 
2013-02-11 11:18:59 AM  
Steak and a BJ?

Getting a job so you can afford to buy prezzies?

Steal something?

Strap on butt sex?

Finally take that shower you've been putting off?

Hmmm, I guess it's been a while since my last relationship. I wonder why?
 
2013-02-11 11:19:15 AM  
Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.
 
2013-02-11 11:19:51 AM  
There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.
 
2013-02-11 11:19:52 AM  
Pearl Necklace
 
2013-02-11 11:20:09 AM  
A manifesto on the soulless corporate nature of Valentine's Day. Then a shared bubble bath.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:12 AM  
As opposed to a gift you're gonna charge for?
 
2013-02-11 11:20:12 AM  
Draw her a portrait and take extra care shading her upper lip.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:43 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"


I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.
 
2013-02-11 11:20:48 AM  
Sammich makings

/been single a little too long
 
2013-02-11 11:20:51 AM  
Farking is free. Get her an account. When time and money are on your side, buy her TotalFark.

/you're welcome
 
2013-02-11 11:21:31 AM  
"Homemade gift certificates redeemable for (fill-in-blank): back rub, bubble bath, car wash, dinner, something that's been on the Honey Do list."

So you get gifts and I get work?

/How'bout GTFO?
//Would that be good?
 
2013-02-11 11:21:34 AM  
t0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-11 11:22:00 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"


How did you know???
 
2013-02-11 11:23:23 AM  
A copy of Cyrano de Bergerac?
 
2013-02-11 11:23:27 AM  
Post it notes. Put them in places she'll discover later. Hand write sexy things about how she smells, looks, makes you feel.

Do something romantic for the evening, & let her find the notes. Then reap the long term benefits of a little effort.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:30 AM  
Turn off the lights. Light some candles. Put on Massive Attack's Mezzanine and give her a full body massage. The sexy times tend to flow organically from such a situation.

Oh, and cook her dinner. You still have time to dry-age a steak in your fridge. There was a video posted here not too long ago about how to properly  pan-grill a steak. Look that up.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:33 AM  
Find a cemetary with a fresh addition, steal the flowers.
 
2013-02-11 11:23:37 AM  

LadySusan: God Is My Co-Pirate: Sure it's the thought that counts. And the thought in this case was to ask Fark in the hopes that you'd get an answer other than "buttsex?"

I'm sure that all answers will be thoughtful and so romantic we'll all die from the cuteness.


You're doing it wrong. First, find out what she wants. Then give it to her, you broke-ass cheapskate.
 
2013-02-11 11:24:00 AM  
get her involved with one billion rising the women against violence campaign. They big world wide get together is Valentine's day. She feels empowered and you look good for supporting her
 
2013-02-11 11:24:02 AM  

umrdyldo: Make a list of things you hate about her and give her an ultimatum to fix them all or you are leaving.


Ha, I did that one just a couple of months ago. She didn't fix them, so she got left. Happy Valentine's, biatch!
 
2013-02-11 11:24:20 AM  

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


There is no excuse for a person over 6 years old to not know to put the dollar sign first.
 
2013-02-11 11:24:31 AM  
If you are in Chicago, offer up a Belmont Transfer
 
2013-02-11 11:24:38 AM  
A Space Ghost Pez dispenser.
 
2013-02-11 11:25:07 AM  
We don't do Valentine's day. Or as I like to call it "The day of unreasonable expectations".

All of you be sure to enjoy your fixed menu at your 7:30-8:30 seating and that moment when you spring some kind of heart shaped pendant with little diamond chips you got at Kay or Jared.
 
2013-02-11 11:25:09 AM  
Gifts on Valentine's Day are necessary, but perfunctory.  Buy a woman gifts at random times.  If you see something you think she'd like buy it for her.  When she asks why, tell her because it made you think of her.

If by this time in your relationship you need the help of others to tell you what would make her happy, then your relationship lacks intimacy.  Something simple and lasting is best.  A pair of earrings that you like is perfect.  Women like talking with their friends and will enjoy say that you bought them for her.
 
2013-02-11 11:26:39 AM  
A heart on.
 
2013-02-11 11:26:44 AM  
Those hot sauce packets from Taco Bell are always nice...
 
2013-02-11 11:27:01 AM  
Do a in-home piercing on her.
 
2013-02-11 11:27:17 AM  
Comfy couch cushions, since you'll be sleeping there for a bit.
 
2013-02-11 11:29:27 AM  
OK, this isn't completely free although you could do it for free if you wanted to print out the cash by hand.

Give her a bunch of monopoly money.
Then give her a menu of services which cost monopoly money.
Have a page of honey-do items.
Have a page of shiat guys hate to do items.
Have a page of make me a better man items
Have a page of naughty naughty fun time items

Tell her the money is redeemable for 1 week.   See how it goes.
 
2013-02-11 11:30:36 AM  
Herpes
 
2013-02-11 11:30:58 AM  

Ponzholio: Everybody loves macaroni art.


I know she thinks I'm immature, but someday I won't be. And deep down in my heart, I know we'll end up together.

i56.tinypic.com

It's all there, in the macaroni.
 
2013-02-11 11:31:30 AM  

Malcolm_Sex: There is no excuse for a grown man to not have the 20$ it costs for flowers.


No, there is not. However, the "traditional" dozen roses on Valentine's day will run about $75. While I could easily afford $75 for flowers, I don't want to. You could find 1,000 more meaningful ways to spend that money. You could go out to dinner, or buy some nice wine, or that's gas money for a day trip to the beach on a warm weekend, or a couples massage; something actually romantic. My wife likes flowers, but she is mercifully practical enough to be just as outraged at V-Day price gouging as I am.
 
2013-02-11 11:32:05 AM  

uncleacid: Herpes.


one day i'll learn to read all of the comments before posting...
 
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