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(NBC News) NewsFlash House of Cardinals   (worldnews.nbcnews.com) divider line 196
    More: NewsFlash, Vatican, pope, Pope Benedict  
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18956 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Feb 2013 at 6:22 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»


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Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2013-02-11 06:28:06 AM
30 votes:
Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious.
2013-02-11 06:29:53 AM
17 votes:
I did Nazi this coming.Also, good riddance.
2013-02-11 06:32:11 AM
14 votes:
There can be only one.

4.bp.blogspot.com
2013-02-11 06:46:15 AM
12 votes:
evilstaring.com

Fark you, fark you, fark you, you're cool, fark you I'M OUT
2013-02-11 06:24:15 AM
12 votes:
Quitter.
2013-02-11 06:52:16 AM
11 votes:
Pope is coming out now.
2013-02-11 06:37:39 AM
11 votes:
throws hat into the ring...

www.fathersarducci.com
2013-02-11 06:30:05 AM
11 votes:
@pontifexed "Yes, it's true, I'm resigning as Pope - I just miss the 'hands on' side of being a normal Catholic priest..."
2013-02-11 06:29:21 AM
11 votes:
msnbcmedia.msn.com

James Franco was really into his role as Pope Benedict XVI.
2013-02-11 06:43:55 AM
10 votes:
Whoever they choose as the new Pope, she'd better be black.
2013-02-11 06:27:13 AM
10 votes:
Doesn't have the strength to molest like he used to
2013-02-11 06:25:23 AM
10 votes:
Pope poops out. Catholics craving closure. Altar boys aspire to avoid assrape.
2013-02-11 06:32:07 AM
9 votes:
Did Benedict crack under the pressure, or does he have yolk on his face? Either way, he seems to be over easy.
2013-02-11 06:30:47 AM
9 votes:
There is no way his next holiness could be more photoshop ready.

This is a sad day for all of us.
2013-02-11 08:49:48 AM
8 votes:
deathandtaxesmag.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com
good thing he already has a successor lined up.
2013-02-11 07:14:24 AM
8 votes:
What kind of pope resigns at the start of Lent? Giving up the papacy for Lent probably won't go over so well in Heaven
2013-02-11 06:38:40 AM
8 votes:
Out with the old, into the young
2013-02-11 06:36:09 AM
8 votes:
content6.flixster.com
It's about medamn time!
2013-02-11 06:34:07 AM
8 votes:
Will he be returning to Naboo?
2013-02-11 06:31:19 AM
8 votes:
So is it going to be awkward between him and God now? Is God accidentally going to talk to him when He means to talk to the new Pope?
2013-02-11 06:26:09 AM
8 votes:

Olympic Trolling Judge: Quitter.


I find your lack of faith... disturbing.
2013-02-11 08:21:11 AM
7 votes:
i.imgur.com

On to his new career...
2013-02-11 07:46:03 AM
7 votes:
punditkitchen.files.wordpress.com
2013-02-11 07:14:19 AM
7 votes:
If I were to grade this Pope, I'd give him a Holy C.
2013-02-11 06:49:50 AM
7 votes:
HA! There won't be a feb 28th for 3 more years!
2013-02-11 08:19:56 AM
6 votes:

HaywoodJablonski: What kind of pope resigns at the start of Lent? Giving up the papacy for Lent probably won't go over so well in Heaven


thinkprogress.org
BXVI: "I'm sorry Jesus...I just don't feel up to the job anymore. It's such so difficult. The world says
such unkind things about me and my health  isn't the greatest anymore you know..."

www.divinelove.co.za
Jesus: "You want to quit because you don't FEEL GOOD????"
2013-02-11 07:14:53 AM
6 votes:
It's always news when a German surrenders.
2013-02-11 07:00:37 AM
6 votes:

Andromeda: As I said from the non-greenlit thread, who wants to take bets as to what scandal is about to erupt?  Because these days I don't believe something so huge and unexpected from the Church makes anyone think "oh it's really just his poor health."

Also, the last time the pope resigned was in 1415 to avoid a schism- here's the article on papal resgination on Wikipedia.


Count me among those who was frankly surprised that popes can technically abdicate in the first place.  (I know it's not quite being a god-emperor on the "Difficulty In Actually Abdicating The Throne" position, but..well...being the functional head of the largest Christian church, smallest technically independent state, and largest tax-exempt business empire in the world is its own kind of special.)

Then again, I'll also admit I'm not Catholic, have only had passing acquaintances with folks who are Catholic, and hence don't really know all the intricacies of papal law and the Official Procedure For Papal Abdication (which apparently hasn't been used since the Church threatened to do the Great Schism 2.0 back in the 1400s, if Teh Wikipedia and Catholicism wikis are any authority).  For all I honestly know about the matter, the House of Cardinals accepts a properly written (in Latin, yet) "Fark This For Two Weeks In France With A Woman With Tig-Ol' Bitties, I'm Out" notice and then proceeds to play a merry game of Duck Duck Pope.

I also have to seriously wonder what kind of kerfluffle is causing the Pope to resign.  There's been some pretty poor-in-health popes on the throne before (and it's not like the Catholic Church has vice-popes to take over when the Pontiff is unwell); also, popes do tend to be pretty darn devoted to their jobs, and usually the very few cases where a pontiff HAS abdicated have involved them basically falling on their swords (metaphorically speaking) to preserve the One True Holy Church.  (Part of me wonders if there HAS been something found out solidly tying ol' Benedict to the coverup of child sexual abuse in Catholic churches worldwide--no, it's not just North America having a major brouhaha over this.)

/seriously, I did not know before today that popes could abdicate
2013-02-11 06:50:32 AM
6 votes:
I've been waiting for this opportunity.
2013-02-11 10:43:55 AM
5 votes:

blazemongr: Where do I contribute to my favorite papal candidate's re-election fund? Do they have superPACs?


Use Papal PayPal.
2013-02-11 08:07:02 AM
5 votes:
Perhaps he is afraid that the LAPD would mistake the Popemobile for a Nissan Titan.
2013-02-11 07:55:32 AM
5 votes:
CBS is reporting that he is leaving the Pope job to fill the recently opened defensive coordinator position with Penn State.
2013-02-11 07:48:51 AM
5 votes:
Another abrupt end of German occupation of a formerly Polish territory...
2013-02-11 07:34:53 AM
5 votes:
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-02-11 06:34:55 AM
5 votes:
"If you strike me down, I will return stronger than you will ever imagine"
2013-02-11 06:34:37 AM
5 votes:
www.majhost.com

Hey!

I'm-a da Pope-a!
2013-02-11 10:44:05 AM
4 votes:

blazemongr: Where do I contribute to my favorite papal candidate's re-election fund? Do they have superPACs?


SuperPax.
2013-02-11 08:17:43 AM
4 votes:
I'm available if then need a replacement.
2013-02-11 08:05:55 AM
4 votes:
2013-02-11 07:41:40 AM
4 votes:
Perhaps he'll settle down in the suburbs and paint nude pictures of himself.
2013-02-11 07:29:59 AM
4 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

It's time
2013-02-11 07:22:36 AM
4 votes:
On the plus side, this will make skipping mass much easier.

"You think it's bad for me to miss Sunday services, dear? The frickin' Pope just quit! I don't think God will miss me."
2013-02-11 06:57:55 AM
4 votes:
i36.photobucket.com
2013-02-11 06:42:04 AM
4 votes:
His resignation letter says he's been "shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith"

Yeah, that whole "funny hat / shiat in the woods" thing got him at last
2013-02-11 06:27:57 AM
4 votes:

maddogdelta: I guess there's new information coming out about how he enabled child rape.


Unlikely. If the church considered child rape to be a problem, plenty of others would have gone before now. More likely he got caught doing something immoral and reprehensible, like genuflecting on the wrong knee.
2013-02-11 05:42:58 PM
3 votes:
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Look, I know a lot of people aren't taking the news too well about Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn, but this is a bit overdramatic.
2013-02-11 11:33:23 AM
3 votes:
My guess is that his health issue is that he's impopent.
2013-02-11 11:07:20 AM
3 votes:

libranoelrose: There is no way his next holiness could be more photoshop ready.

This is a sad day for all of us.


Indeed.

i.imgur.com
2013-02-11 10:21:21 AM
3 votes:
Pope supposedly claimed he is stepping down to make time for his grandchildren.
2013-02-11 10:14:35 AM
3 votes:
What are they serving for breakfast in the Vatican this morning?

Ex-Benedict!
2013-02-11 10:08:47 AM
3 votes:
img9.imageshack.us
2013-02-11 09:43:44 AM
3 votes:
Which Papal candidate is Karl Rove's new PAC funding?

Get ready for the attack ads, Vatican City Farkers!
2013-02-11 07:20:24 AM
3 votes:
img58.imageshack.us ?
2013-02-11 07:14:24 AM
3 votes:
Benedictum Palinus
2013-02-11 06:59:52 AM
3 votes:
Maybe he got caught doing donuts in the popemobile, and instead of being fired, God made him resign.
2013-02-11 06:59:32 AM
3 votes:
www.zootpatrol.com
2013-02-11 06:57:16 AM
3 votes:
Ok, pope coming out
2013-02-11 06:54:42 AM
3 votes:
imjustcreative.com
2013-02-11 06:46:39 AM
3 votes:
So now he's an anti-Pope.  And if he ever comes in contact with the new Pope, space-time will be ripped apart.
2013-02-11 06:45:24 AM
3 votes:
Maybe he just wants some pussy?
2013-02-11 06:42:24 AM
3 votes:

Lord of Allusions: Maybe after JP2, the Church is like, "Okay, we aren't going through that again. If you start feeling bad just resign."


Jurassic Park 2 wasn't that bad!
2013-02-11 06:40:41 AM
3 votes:
www.moviegoods.com
2013-02-11 06:29:24 AM
3 votes:
This is bad news....... for..well....nobody .
2013-02-11 06:25:23 AM
3 votes:
Wait...can he do that?
2013-02-11 02:20:13 PM
2 votes:
A woman walks into a curio shop in San Francisco. Looking around at the exotica, she notices a very life-like, life-sized bronze statue of a rat. It has no price tag, but is so striking she decides she must have it. She takes it to the owner:
"How much for the bronze rat?"
"12 dollars for the rat, a hundred dollars for the story," says the owner.
The woman gives the shop-owner 12 dollars.
"I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story."
As she walks down the street carrying the bronze rat, she notices that a few real rats have crawled out of alleys and sewers, and begun following her down the street. This is a bit disconcerting, so she begins walking a little faster. Within a couple blocks, the group of rats behind her grows to over a hundred, and they begin squealing. She starts to trot toward the Bay.
She takes a nervous look around and sees that the rats now number in the thousands -- maybe millions -- and they are all squealing and coming toward her faster and faster. Terrified, she runs to the edge of the Bay, and throws the bronze rat as far out into the Bay as she can.
Amazingly, the millions of rats all jump into the Bay after it, and are all drowned.
The woman walks back to the curio shop.
"Ah ha," says the owner, "I'll bet you have come back for the story?"
"No," said the woman, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Republican."

/ratzinger
2013-02-11 02:17:28 PM
2 votes:
robotikon.com
2013-02-11 11:05:16 AM
2 votes:
Do it WWE style...

"and his Holiness... giving his first speech as..."

"BAH GAWD KING! THAT'S MARTIN LUTHER'S MUSIC! IT'S MARTIN LUTHER!"
2013-02-11 11:00:12 AM
2 votes:

Mr.Tangent: Andromeda: As I said from the non-greenlit thread, who wants to take bets as to what scandal is about to erupt?

What could be worse than we already know?


He could be a furry.
2013-02-11 10:58:20 AM
2 votes:

Mugato: Grand_Moff_Joseph: Can't say he'll be missed.  He was terrible at his job, unless you count pissing off other religions as a win.

What was his job? Again, what does the Pope do?


He controls the Vatican launch codes.
2013-02-11 10:47:50 AM
2 votes:
Those who can, do. Those who can't, Pope.
2013-02-11 10:21:45 AM
2 votes:
This just means that NCAA sanctions are coming. He'll do a stint in the NFL and then come back to another college program once the show cause penalty is over
2013-02-11 10:19:18 AM
2 votes:

skullkrusher: your minister is cute

/is that a sin?


No, but what I'm doing is.
2013-02-11 10:13:18 AM
2 votes:
Benedict was just tired of shiatting in the woods.
2013-02-11 10:10:40 AM
2 votes:
It's good to see him going out on top, instead of lingering on for years, defending his title in rigged pay-per-view matches..
2013-02-11 10:06:32 AM
2 votes:
tinfoil-hat maggie:

But what I got out of that is this guy
upload.wikimedia.org

I for one, vote no popes that look like Dick Cheney.
2013-02-11 10:05:01 AM
2 votes:
Our next Pope:
www.sadgeezer.com
2013-02-11 10:03:06 AM
2 votes:
You all read it wrong.  The Pope is re-signing.  $20M, 5 year extension, with a no trade clause.
2013-02-11 09:53:14 AM
2 votes:

Shadow writer: If Francis Arinze is elected pope, he would not be the first African pope, but he would be the first African pope in more than 1,500 years. The prospect of a black pope from Africa has captured the imagination of Catholics and non-Catholics all over the world.


Christ, can you imagine the resulting butthurt? It would be of biblical proportions.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-02-11 09:50:37 AM
2 votes:
oh and..

grigr.com
2013-02-11 09:37:44 AM
2 votes:

OtherLittleGuy: enry: BigBooper: geom_00: NobleHam: Yes.

Thanks.

Memo to the College of Cardinals.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY...THINK MODERATE OR LIBERAL!

/Snowballs chance in hell.  I know.

Wish list that might bring me back to the church:
1. Priests allowed to marry.
2. Allow the use of birth control
3. Equality for women (yes female priests)
4. A far more liberal view about homosexuality

Yep. not a snowballs chance in hell.

/haven't been in a church in years
//my daughters have never been in a church

Check out the Episcopal Church (or ELCA as another poster mentioned). Episcopal has all that and the service is pretty close to Mass (no latin tho).

Much of the congregation I'm in was originally Catholic, including the priest.

Also offers contraception services on its employees health care.

Also, they ordain their soulless gingers:

[www.fredericknewspost.com image 640x581]


Forgive me Father, for I have had impure thoughts.

/she could shake hands with my Bishop, if you know what I mean.
2013-02-11 09:20:19 AM
2 votes:

enry: BigBooper: geom_00: NobleHam: Yes.

Thanks.

Memo to the College of Cardinals.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY...THINK MODERATE OR LIBERAL!

/Snowballs chance in hell.  I know.

Wish list that might bring me back to the church:
1. Priests allowed to marry.
2. Allow the use of birth control
3. Equality for women (yes female priests)
4. A far more liberal view about homosexuality

Yep. not a snowballs chance in hell.

/haven't been in a church in years
//my daughters have never been in a church

Check out the Episcopal Church (or ELCA as another poster mentioned). Episcopal has all that and the service is pretty close to Mass (no latin tho).

Much of the congregation I'm in was originally Catholic, including the priest.

Also offers contraception services on its employees health care.


Also, they ordain their soulless gingers:

www.fredericknewspost.com
2013-02-11 09:05:11 AM
2 votes:

Farking Canuck: Maybe this time they'll not pick a nazi.


When picking someone to run your world-wide child rape cult, does it  really matter if they were a Nazi or not?  Haven't you completely given up the moral high-ground at that point?
2013-02-11 08:58:24 AM
2 votes:

amquelbettamin: Hmmm. If this had happened a year ago we all wouldn't have had to relearn the more accurate translation if the Nicene Creed.


I bailed when everyone started holding hands during the Our Father like a bunch of Protestants.
2013-02-11 08:41:22 AM
2 votes:
farm4.staticflickr.com
2013-02-11 08:35:11 AM
2 votes:
Well, I did Nazi that coming.
2013-02-11 08:23:41 AM
2 votes:

ur14me: Yes, but will it taste like the old Pope?


Nope. In a couple of months, they'll bring back Pope ClassicTM.
2013-02-11 08:04:10 AM
2 votes:
Ah the Catholic priesthood, they're always trading in for a younger guy.
2013-02-11 07:59:31 AM
2 votes:
2013-02-11 07:59:04 AM
2 votes:
i527.photobucket.com
2013-02-11 07:54:39 AM
2 votes:
Perfect headline: EX BENEDICT.

My cholice for his replacement:
www.smithgifford.com
2013-02-11 07:48:47 AM
2 votes:
Valentine Pontifex of Majipoor.
2013-02-11 07:47:07 AM
2 votes:
Did he have to give two Holy Weeks notice?
2013-02-11 07:45:13 AM
2 votes:
Pope to resign, spend more time with the kids would have been mine...
2013-02-11 07:37:44 AM
2 votes:
Something something something com-plete.
Something something something Catholic Church.
2013-02-11 07:24:59 AM
2 votes:
Even he can't stand Notre Dame football any longer.
2013-02-11 07:19:29 AM
2 votes:
media.salon.com

It would get her out of the US for a while.  And you guys could invent the term "PILF"
2013-02-11 07:13:20 AM
2 votes:

uttertosh: MNguy: It will be nice to see a Latin American / Hispanic Pope.

clarify


Marco Rubio is the obvious choice.
2013-02-11 07:01:55 AM
2 votes:

UDel_Kitty: amquelbettamin: Hmmm. If this had happened a year ago we all wouldn't have had to relearn the more accurate translation if the Nicene Creed.

I don't care how accurate it is, saying "seen and unseen" vs "visible and invisible" is so much more succinct. Still haven't learned the new words, and most of the cheat cards seem to have disappeared from the pews.


There's an iPhone app called Laudate that has it. Of course it looks like your checking your email during Mass
2013-02-11 06:57:43 AM
2 votes:

Jacobin: Ok, pope coming out


Well, that certainly explains why he'd resign.
2013-02-11 06:54:18 AM
2 votes:
Do they still whack him on the head with a silver hammer on his last day?
2013-02-11 06:46:30 AM
2 votes:

Olympic Trolling Judge: Slaxl: Lord of Allusions: Maybe after JP2, the Church is like, "Okay, we aren't going through that again. If you start feeling bad just resign."

Jurassic Park 2 wasn't that bad!

Raptor Gymkata.  Yes, it was that bad.


You can't fault a film for one thing. You're missing the main point. Raptors. Yeh there was a stupid girl dancing about but there were Raptors. There was even a T-Rex or two. That's what counts. That's how you make a film good. Stick dinosaurs in it. They're all that matter.
2013-02-11 06:43:00 AM
2 votes:

greentea1985: Copper Spork: greentea1985: He can. Popes have resigned before, but the last one was back in the 1400s. Usually they just die in office. Either he';s starting to go senile (hence the wording "healthy in body and mind") and felt unable to lead the Church, there's a really damaging report coming out on his role in the sex abuse scandal (there is already strong circumstantial evidence that he helped cover up cases in Germany), or a combination of both. I wonder who the new pope will be.

Senility didn't stop JP2. Besides, hearing voices is a requirement for becoming Pope.

That's part of why this seems so strange. Popes only resign under really pressing circumstances, like preventing a schism. I find health to be stretching it a bit.


Today's Popes are soft, like the kids they prefer.
2013-02-11 06:38:29 AM
2 votes:
Hmmm. If this had happened a year ago we all wouldn't have had to relearn the more accurate translation if the Nicene Creed.
2013-02-11 06:36:38 AM
2 votes:
I thought that in "Return Of The Jedi" that Darth Vader threw Emperor Palpatine down a reactor shaft. At least that is how I thought the move ended.
2013-02-11 06:33:37 AM
2 votes:

greentea1985: He can. Popes have resigned before, but the last one was back in the 1400s. Usually they just die in office. Either he';s starting to go senile (hence the wording "healthy in body and mind") and felt unable to lead the Church, there's a really damaging report coming out on his role in the sex abuse scandal (there is already strong circumstantial evidence that he helped cover up cases in Germany), or a combination of both. I wonder who the new pope will be.


Senility didn't stop JP2. Besides, hearing voices is a requirement for becoming Pope.
2013-02-11 06:33:17 AM
2 votes:

Copper Spork: maddogdelta: I guess there's new information coming out about how he enabled child rape.

Unlikely. If the church considered child rape to be a problem, plenty of others would have gone before now. More likely he got caught doing something immoral and reprehensible, like genuflecting on the wrong knee.



....lemon party?
2013-02-11 06:30:39 AM
2 votes:

Andromeda: As I said from the non-greenlit thread, who wants to take bets as to what scandal is about to erupt?


The awesome part is, even if there is no scandal the conspiracy types will invent one.
2013-02-11 06:30:37 AM
2 votes:

beerbaron: He was always a temp-pope anyway. The choice for next pope will be revealing.


Yea, cause when they select an old conservative who wants to run the church like it was the middle ages it will be a big surprise.
2013-02-11 06:28:18 AM
2 votes:
I didn't know they could do that.  I'm imagining that fast food scene - "fark you, fark you, you're cool, etc."  Is there an old Pope's retirement home?
2013-02-12 02:11:48 PM
1 votes:
He isn't resigning for health reasons.  He just lost a game of mahjong
2013-02-11 11:40:45 PM
1 votes:
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
2013-02-11 08:50:14 PM
1 votes:
Just wait until he goes on trial

25.media.tumblr.com
2013-02-11 07:51:00 PM
1 votes:
Heh.  The Pope is giving up being Pope for Lent.
2013-02-11 03:15:29 PM
1 votes:
I feel that the power of Christ compels me to toss my mitre into the ring. You hear that College of Cardinals? That's the sound of the DreamyAltarBoy kicking down the doors of St Peter's Basillica. I'm coming for ya, and if you know what's good for you you'll vote AltarBoy 2013.
2013-02-11 02:07:59 PM
1 votes:
i.imgur.com
2013-02-11 01:50:40 PM
1 votes:
I nominate the Watson super computer for Pope
2013-02-11 01:23:21 PM
1 votes:

uttertosh: miss diminutive: Scaryduck: Whoever they choose as the new Pope, she'd better be black gay.

un-struckout for the FTFY!

/black gay is both the new gay, and the new black.
//of course that makes all black gays female, what with the multi-tasking it requires. Duh,


img2.timeinc.net 

Pope Wanda Sykes!
2013-02-11 01:08:22 PM
1 votes:

ranold: A black pope would be hilarious.... Italians will go ape shiat.


Just look at how they're treating poor Balotelli

/not that he doesn't deserve it
2013-02-11 12:45:42 PM
1 votes:

LoneWolf343: Shadow writer: If Francis Arinze is elected pope, he would not be the first African pope, but he would be the first African pope in more than 1,500 years. The prospect of a black pope from Africa has captured the imagination of Catholics and non-Catholics all over the world.

Christ, can you imagine the resulting butthurt? It would be of biblical proportions.


www.wearysloth.com
Usul, we have butthurtsign the likes of which even God has never seen.
2013-02-11 12:01:55 PM
1 votes:
The Holy See said if I can get 2 million Facebook likes, they'll make me Pope. Please like & share!!!
2013-02-11 11:56:23 AM
1 votes:
Considering...

Considering...

Considering...

Considering...

Nope. I still can't bring myself to give a flying shiat.
2013-02-11 11:33:52 AM
1 votes:

tinfoil-hat maggie: xanadian: Can't read this thread without this playing in the background...

There is a reason I have come to love you : )


The more you tighten your grip, the more dioceses will slip through your fingers.
2013-02-11 11:14:09 AM
1 votes:

BigBooper: Back pages? There are back pages on the internet? What have I been missing?

/NOTHING can be buried in the internet age


The Straight Dope:  How can I access the deep, dark Web?
2013-02-11 11:08:58 AM
1 votes:
Holy Shiat! I have two VERY Catholic sisters who are in fits on Facebook right now. I'm trying my hardest not to mock them. They're in FITS. I seriously think I'm going to have to sit on my own hands, just to spare their feelings today.
2013-02-11 11:03:05 AM
1 votes:
This year, the vatican will ban all trouble making teenagers from the premisis lest the new pope could be this:

2.bp.blogspot.com
2013-02-11 10:59:48 AM
1 votes:
1. Priests allowed to marry.
2. Allow the use of birth control
3. Equality for women (yes female priests)
4. A far more liberal view about homosexuality
5.Pedophiles and those who hide their crimes should be removed from their positions, and any and all evidence of their crimes handed over to local authorities


5 things which never, ever happen in the catholic church. Ever.
The GOP will nominate a poor, black, gay woman before this happens.
2013-02-11 10:38:27 AM
1 votes:

Pontious Pilates: The new Pope will be from the southern hemisphere, mark my words. It's the only part of the world left where the Church has any ground to gain.

/recovering catholic


Good pick. Not only are they stylishly dressed, they are very family-oriented.
upload.wikimedia.org
2013-02-11 10:38:09 AM
1 votes:
2...4...6...8...time to transubstantiate!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/pvhYqeGp_Do?rel=0
2013-02-11 10:35:01 AM
1 votes:

skullkrusher: Don't leave me hanging.


It's anything but hanging. OH!
2013-02-11 10:32:42 AM
1 votes:

great_tigers: First in600 years I just heard on the radio. That is nuts.


N-v-t-s, nuts!
2013-02-11 10:18:21 AM
1 votes:
I say he'll be black. They're not going to let the US be the only ones to elect an infallible black guy.

/religion, politics, whatevs
2013-02-11 10:10:02 AM
1 votes:

OtherLittleGuy: enry: BigBooper: geom_00: NobleHam: Yes.

Thanks.

Memo to the College of Cardinals.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY...THINK MODERATE OR LIBERAL!

/Snowballs chance in hell.  I know.

Wish list that might bring me back to the church:
1. Priests allowed to marry.
2. Allow the use of birth control
3. Equality for women (yes female priests)
4. A far more liberal view about homosexuality

Yep. not a snowballs chance in hell.

/haven't been in a church in years
//my daughters have never been in a church

Check out the Episcopal Church (or ELCA as another poster mentioned). Episcopal has all that and the service is pretty close to Mass (no latin tho).

Much of the congregation I'm in was originally Catholic, including the priest.

Also offers contraception services on its employees health care.

Also, they ordain their soulless gingers:

[www.fredericknewspost.com image 640x581]


Never in a million years would I expect to see one of my ministers pictured on Fark.
2013-02-11 10:02:33 AM
1 votes:

cleveoh: Which Papal candidate is Karl Rove's new PAC funding?

Get ready for the attack ads, Vatican City Farkers!


That would be AWESOME!!

I'd pay to see pope attack ads.
2013-02-11 10:00:27 AM
1 votes:
Dougal Maguire or nobody.
2013-02-11 09:54:22 AM
1 votes:

d23: oh and..

[grigr.com image 505x390]


That's still one of my favorite TV moments.

"I'm huge in America."
"Sure are, Sinead. You have a enormous following helped in large part by the millions of Irish-Americans who love seeing someone from the old country do well."
"Watch this."

It isn't often you can pinpoint when a huge star commits career suicide.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-02-11 09:49:18 AM
1 votes:
i.telegraph.co.uk
2013-02-11 09:42:56 AM
1 votes:
Well... bye!
i411.photobucket.com

/that goes for the rest of us when the world ends soon
2013-02-11 09:32:34 AM
1 votes:
What, he's going to spend more time with his family?
2013-02-11 09:21:03 AM
1 votes:
A black pope would be hilarious.... Italians will go ape shiat.
2013-02-11 09:20:51 AM
1 votes:
I think it's obvious. He watched the Super Bowl and saw Ray Lewis' interview about how God doesn't let people who do bad things make good tackles or whatever, and he reflected on the things he'd done and felt guilty. So he feels he has to quit to spend more time with his guilt.

/and with your spirit
2013-02-11 09:13:57 AM
1 votes:

elchip: Millennium: beerbaron: He was always a temp-pope anyway. The choice for next pope will be revealing.

Revealing? I thought next up was supposed to be Peter the Roman, and then the world comes to an end or something like that.

/i keed, i keed

If his name is Peter and he's from Rome, I think I'm gonna crap my pants.


That's highly doubtful. As the esteemed Fr. G. Sarducci pointed out many years ago, the Catholic Church has tried to advance beyond Italians:

To be made a saint in the Catholic Church, you have to have four miracles. That's the rules, you know. It's always been like that that. Four miracles, and to prove it. Well, this Mother Seton -  they could only prove three miracles. But the Pope - he just waived the fourth one. He just waived it! And do you know why? It's because she was American. It's all politics. We got some Italian people, they got forty, fifty, sixty miracles to their name. They can't get in just cause they say there's already too many Italian saints, and this woman comes along with three lousy miracles. I understand that two of them was card tricks.
2013-02-11 09:13:45 AM
1 votes:
If only God's representative on Earth knew someone with the power to heal who listens to prayers from his faithful...
2013-02-11 09:05:45 AM
1 votes:

Jake Havechek: Can they write in candidates, like Batman?


I believe Batman is an Episcopalian.
2013-02-11 09:05:22 AM
1 votes:
d1466nnw0ex81e.cloudfront.net
2013-02-11 08:59:30 AM
1 votes:
Okay, Pope is coming out
2013-02-11 08:54:12 AM
1 votes:

gadian: I didn't know they could do that.  I'm imagining that fast food scene - "fark you, fark you, you're cool, etc."  Is there an old Pope's retirement home?


It's called hell.
d23 [TotalFark]
2013-02-11 08:38:52 AM
1 votes:
You wonder.. does he get to keep the marketing deals?

static.fastcommerce.com
2013-02-11 08:38:43 AM
1 votes:
Is he stepping down so he can spend more time with your children?
2013-02-11 08:38:03 AM
1 votes:
Microsoft releases the Surface Pro and the Pope announces his abdication. Coincidence?
2013-02-11 08:32:31 AM
1 votes:
Pope Romney!
2013-02-11 08:29:38 AM
1 votes:

Lost Thought 00: Does he change his name back, or does he continue to go by Bemedict? Is it like President, where you keep the honorific after you leave office?


He's now Your Quittiness.
2013-02-11 08:28:58 AM
1 votes:

sno man: Corvus: Vote for me.

Will you set me free?


Rap on, Rap on Brother. Rap on.
2013-02-11 08:27:04 AM
1 votes:
Honestly, I expected to be more popular in this thread.
2013-02-11 08:23:55 AM
1 votes:

amquelbettamin: Hmmm. If this had happened a year ago we all wouldn't have had to relearn the more accurate translation if the Nicene Creed.


And how about that mistake in the other translation? I can't believe the word was actually "celebRate" all this time.
2013-02-11 08:20:03 AM
1 votes:

Shadow Blasko: [images2.wikia.nocookie.net image 542x550]

It's time


You called?
2013-02-11 08:14:02 AM
1 votes:
So will he lose his unique direct connection to God privileges?
2013-02-11 08:09:40 AM
1 votes:
I would like to take this opportunity to submit my name for consideration\ in the new papal election.
2013-02-11 08:07:54 AM
1 votes:

Dracolich: Ah the Catholic priesthood, they're always trading in for a younger guy.


They have a good farm system though. Remember all of those draft picks they got from the Anglicans? Hopefully this frees up enough cap space that they can solve their problems in goal.
2013-02-11 07:56:38 AM
1 votes:
He's quitting because Vatican Gubbmint is TOO BIG.
2013-02-11 07:53:51 AM
1 votes:

NobleHam: deeproy: I wonder what Saint Malachy would have to say about this...

"Fark you guys, I didn't say that shiat. Stop attaching my name to some bullshiat prophecy."


There's a reason for the expression "That's a load of Malachy"
2013-02-11 07:52:59 AM
1 votes:
I think he wants to work on some solo projects.
2013-02-11 07:48:42 AM
1 votes:

geom_00: Debeo Summa Credo: amquelbettamin: Hmmm. If this had happened a year ago we all wouldn't have had to relearn the more accurate translation if the Nicene Creed.

Good point. Can we go back to "and also with you" instead of this "with your spirit" nonsense?

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS


Yeah I liked it better when it was

"May the Force be with you"
"And also with you"
2013-02-11 07:47:19 AM
1 votes:
wnyw.images.worldnow.com

UNLIMITED POWER
2013-02-11 07:41:52 AM
1 votes:
In related news, Pope Benedict has began construction of a large, spherical space station and is seeking an apprentice.
2013-02-11 07:33:25 AM
1 votes:
Popes do not resign due to ill-health. Ill-health is guaranteed, because you die in office.... and Benedict is an arch-traditionalist.


Clearly his bum-farked a succession horses, dumped the evidence into the Findus UK food chain, and it's about to break.
2013-02-11 07:32:10 AM
1 votes:
The people who think there's a big scandal brewing which required Star Wars Pope's resignation don't seem to understand - it wouldn't be an issue. People in those circles may certainly be shifty and tricky, but there is a key element which would make resigning a impossibility: they never believe they've actually done anything wrong, and moreso even if they have, who are you to question?

The histories of any large religion and/or cult are full of examples of people in charge being caught out, only to never recant - often to their dying breath - some of their more heinous crimes.

To put it another way, even if there was a massive scandal on the horizon, with evidence, the Pope would ride it out, as:
1) most followers would dismiss it;
2) a lot of people outside the church wouldn't care anyway - it's hardly a Superbowl blackout scandal, is it? And;
3) if the people implicated were at the top of the food chain, the wouldn't think they had done anything wrong in the first place. Hell, half of them would believe they had done good work in ensuring the status quo - and I'm not talking about the band, although they probably should be set on fire, just to be safe.

So,,,The exports of Libya are numerous in amount. One thing they export is corn, or as the Indians call it, "maize". Another famous Indian was "Crazy Horse". In conclusion, Libya is a land of contrast. Thank you.
2013-02-11 07:31:46 AM
1 votes:
Medieval precedent? The best kind of precedent.
2013-02-11 07:29:06 AM
1 votes:

WaitWhatWhy: geom_00: NobleHam: Yes.

Thanks.

Memo to the College of Cardinals.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THINGS HOLY...THINK MODERATE OR LIBERAL!

/Snowballs chance in hell.  I know.

Not Dolan, not Dolan, not Dolan.


Doesn't matter who they elect. Acually is Dolan. ALWAYS acually is Dolan.

/gooby pls
2013-02-11 07:23:44 AM
1 votes:
I can see the ad now...

Do you know me? I used to be God's chosen representative on Earth. Now, I just sit around the house all day. That's why I carry the American Express card. Don't leave the Vatican without it.
2013-02-11 07:22:44 AM
1 votes:
Got tired of the rotten TV reception . . .

homegame.org
2013-02-11 07:22:29 AM
1 votes:
As hard as I try, I simply cannot give a shiat.
2013-02-11 07:19:54 AM
1 votes:

geom_00: WaitWhatWhy: Not Dolan, not Dolan, not Dolan.

The chances of an American Cardinal being elected are slim to none.  The Holy See sees the US as already having too much power.  To add the papal throne to the list of power the US has would be a bad move for them.


So is it as unlikely as a Pope quitting?
2013-02-11 07:16:51 AM
1 votes:

Lord of Allusions: If I were to grade this Pope, I'd give him a Holy C.


+10 good sir, +10
2013-02-11 07:11:23 AM
1 votes:

WaitWhatWhy: geom_00: Looking at a list of the College of Cardinals  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College_of_Cardinals#Members_of_the_Coll e ge_of_Cardinals :

The youngest Cardinal I saw was born in 1950.

John Paul II was 58 when elected.  The YOUNGEST POPE who could be elected would already by 63

Technically, you don't even need to be a priest to be elected Pope, just a baptized male. There's not law requiring that they choose among cardinals, just lots of tradition.




Stephen Colbert for Pope. He had a crack at it last time, maybe he's wearing them down.
2013-02-11 07:07:15 AM
1 votes:
img510.imageshack.us
News to me too . . .
2013-02-11 07:03:37 AM
1 votes:
No Pope song yet?   NSFW Language.
2013-02-11 07:01:42 AM
1 votes:
At least this playing out better than Godfather III, so far anyway.
2013-02-11 07:00:50 AM
1 votes:
Hope there is a cardinal Secola in the running.

/choice of a new generation
2013-02-11 07:00:19 AM
1 votes:

maddogdelta: I guess there's new information coming out about how he enabled child rape.


I doubt it.  His role in enabling and covering up the pedophilia scandal as JPII 's head of the Office of Inquisition, which handles things like priestly discipline, and his role in spiriting Cardinal law of Boston out of the US and putting him in a position that made him un-extraditable is well known and was known before his election=which was all but gauranteed since he took advantage of John Paul's Failing health to pack the College of Cardinals hand-picked people.

Though, given that he chose the ruling name of Benedict specifically to comport with the Prophecy of St. Malachy ("glory of Olives".  Olives being the symbol of St. Benedict)   that must mean he things the Apocalypse is upon us, as the prophecy lists only one Pope after "Glory of Olives: of which it says:
In the extreme persecution of the Holy Roman Church, there will sit [i.e., as bishop].
Peter the Roman, who will pasture his sheep in many tribulations:
and when these things are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed,
and the terrible judge will judge his people.

Happy end of the world everyone!
2013-02-11 06:54:31 AM
1 votes:

Texas Gabe: Pay very close attention to what happens in the world in the shadow of this news. Watch the news that gets buried on the back pages while everyone is focusing on this. This could in fact be a massive purposeful distraction.

/conspiracy


The cats are finally making their move....
2013-02-11 06:53:50 AM
1 votes:

Scaryduck: His resignation letter says he's been "shaken by questions of deep relevance for the life of faith"

Yeah, that whole "funny hat / shiat in the woods" thing got him at last


heh heh +1
2013-02-11 06:52:16 AM
1 votes:
I just want to note that in 2009, he visited the remains of Pope Celestine V at the site of the L'Aquila earthquakes and left his papal vestments from his inauguration with the body of Celestine V as a gift.

Celestine V is well-known as the pope who declared the right of papal abdication and left the Papacy after about 6 months.

A lot of observers at the time wondered what the hell the visit by Benedict XVI meant in 2009. I guess now we know.
2013-02-11 06:45:28 AM
1 votes:

Scaryduck: Whoever they choose as the new Pope, she'd better be black gay.

2013-02-11 06:45:18 AM
1 votes:
25.media.tumblr.com
2013-02-11 06:40:26 AM
1 votes:
smoke em if ya got em...........

www.papalrestoration.com
2013-02-11 06:38:41 AM
1 votes:

Andromeda: Another thing I've just considered- my understanding is one main reason you don't choose the next one until after he dies is so he can't influence the election of his successor.  Which even if he can't vote Benedict obviously will be able to do.

Really sucks for those who are involved in the Church and were hoping to take it in a new direction.


The other reason of course is that God can only listen to one guy at a time. He's not Superman or something.
2013-02-11 06:37:54 AM
1 votes:
He must be pooped.
2013-02-11 06:37:27 AM
1 votes:
I heard he was disfigured in a battle with some guy named Mace Windu...
2013-02-11 06:36:21 AM
1 votes:
i212.photobucket.com
2013-02-11 06:34:59 AM
1 votes:

BigBooper: Invent one?!?! How about just picking one of the many that are already out?


it's what they do best.


.....or are you in on it too???
2013-02-11 06:31:22 AM
1 votes:
Petrus Romanus up next
Could everyone stop having a doomsday, please.
2013-02-11 06:29:07 AM
1 votes:
So, if his health fails and Catholicism is the One True Religion, that's going to be one awkward conversation in the afterlife.

//Also, what's with all the fire?
2013-02-11 06:28:46 AM
1 votes:

Andromeda: As I said from the non-greenlit thread, who wants to take bets as to what scandal is about to erupt?


What could be worse than we already know?
2013-02-11 06:26:10 AM
1 votes:
As I said from the non-greenlit thread, who wants to take bets as to what scandal is about to erupt?  Because these days I don't believe something so huge and unexpected from the Church makes anyone think "oh it's really just his poor health."

Also, the last time the pope resigned was in 1415 to avoid a schism- here's the article on papal resgination on Wikipedia.
2013-02-11 06:25:04 AM
1 votes:
I guess there's new information coming out about how he enabled child rape.
2013-02-11 06:24:57 AM
1 votes:
He's only following the example of his illustrious predecessor, Benedict IX.
 
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