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(Talking Points Memo)   Yo Birthers, imma let you finish, but "CIA nominee John Brennan is really a Muslim" is the greatest conspiracy of all time - OF ALL TIME   ( talkingpointsmemo.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, CIA, muslims, Politics of Saudi Arabia, Hagel  
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3850 clicks; posted to Politics » on 11 Feb 2013 at 12:27 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



148 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2013-02-10 10:31:42 PM  
t.qkme.me
 
2013-02-10 10:40:04 PM  
I'm soooo deep undercover that I personally ordered or recommended the assassinations of hundreds of radical Islamic leaders, including OBL, just to keep up appearances.
 
2013-02-10 10:43:37 PM  
People in America are friggin' basket cases.
 
2013-02-10 10:43:52 PM  
And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution
 
2013-02-10 10:49:33 PM  

revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution


See, you missed the really tiny print underneath that:  "not intended to be a factual statement"  ;)
 
2013-02-10 10:58:11 PM  

revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution


Ah, but Islam is not a religion. It is a worldwide political movement.
 
2013-02-10 11:49:04 PM  

propasaurus: revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution

Ah, but Islam is not a religion. It is a worldwide political movement.


The same could be said about Catholicism these days....at least as far as the Vatican and the hardliners go.
 
2013-02-11 12:19:08 AM  
he either a traitor ... [or] he has the inability to discern and understand how to walk in those kinds of environments, which makes him completely unfit to the be the director of Central Intelligence."

I would think understanding "those kinds of environments" would be a key qualification for the job?
 
2013-02-11 12:30:28 AM  
Wat.
 
2013-02-11 12:31:30 AM  
Ahh, McCarthyism, we never left ya.
 
2013-02-11 12:32:54 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: propasaurus: revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution

Ah, but Islam is not a religion. It is a worldwide political movement.

The same could be said about Catholicism these days....at least as far as the Vatican and the hardliners go.


Too bad we won't see a crusade against Popery anytime soon.
 
2013-02-11 12:34:05 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Too bad we won't see a crusade against Popery anytime soon.


Did anybody else read that as "A crusade against Popeye"?
 
2013-02-11 12:36:40 AM  
flipvine.com
 
2013-02-11 12:37:04 AM  

revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution


That document also says in Article I, Section 8 of the United States Constitution "The Congress shall have the power ... To declare war..."

Yet the War Powers Act of 1973 essentially nullified that.
 
2013-02-11 12:37:59 AM  
Come on, Republicans. Keep trumpeting these ludicrous theories. You're only guaranteeing that your party will become the party of old, white, evangelical Christians and eventually die.
 
2013-02-11 12:38:05 AM  

fusillade762: he either a traitor ... [or] he has the inability to discern and understand how to walk in those kinds of environments, which makes him completely unfit to the be the director of Central Intelligence."

I would think understanding "those kinds of environments" would be a key qualification for the job?


There is something about the way that was constructed that made me misread it the same way you have.
 
2013-02-11 12:41:51 AM  

Paris1127: [flipvine.com image 520x381]


I heard that in my headt to the "5 dollar footlong" Subway song
 
2013-02-11 12:42:45 AM  
Muslim is the new Communist.
 
2013-02-11 12:44:44 AM  

You know who else were Muslims...



lh3.googleusercontent.com
lh6.googleusercontent.com
lh3.googleusercontent.com
lh5.googleusercontent.com
Maybe we should have vetted them first?
 
2013-02-11 12:44:52 AM  

Vodka Zombie: People in America are friggin' basket cases.


That's what a Muslim would say...

/get him!
 
2013-02-11 12:45:59 AM  

Zeppelininthesky: Paris1127: [flipvine.com image 520x381]

I heard that in my headt to the "5 dollar footlong" Subway song


Wait, that might actually work...

Five.
Five Mullah.
Five Mullah Facepalm.


Holy crap, it does...
 
2013-02-11 12:56:35 AM  

Paris1127: Zeppelininthesky: Paris1127: [flipvine.com image 520x381]

I heard that in my headt to the "5 dollar footlong" Subway song

Wait, that might actually work...

Five.
Five Mullah.
Five Mullah Facepalm.

Holy crap, it does...


But remember. It's Fatwa-any. That means any facepalm is just five mullah.
 
2013-02-11 12:58:46 AM  
*click*

John Brennan, sekrit Muslim?

No, can't be.

*rubs eyes, reads again*

Get out of town.

Stupidest. Conspiracy Theory. EVAR.

/That noted, love love love the headline. Nice nod to Grammy night there.
 
2013-02-11 01:00:05 AM  
You wonderful sons o biatches! Just when I think you can't possibly get any f*cking crazier... you come back and surprise me. I love you guys soooo much!
 
2013-02-11 01:03:14 AM  
I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.
 
2013-02-11 01:08:18 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-11 01:12:37 AM  

rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.


Not any more. Now, just the existence of a conspiracy theory is enough, in the eyes of some Congresscriters, to "sow doubt" - look at the stupidity surrounding the "Obama's birth certificate" conspiracy. We have elected officials in both the House and Senate who actually said, in public, that they had doubts, or weren't 100% sure, and they're running the show. Heck, this kind of disinformation is exactly what keeps the GOP going - if you can create confusion in the minds of those more inclined to emotional rather than rational thinking, heck, you can manipulate public opinion on everything from abortion to climate change. Conspiracies aren't just for conspiracy nuts any more.
 
2013-02-11 01:14:19 AM  
so the entire thing "hey some guy told me John Brennan was a Muslim, but I'm not going to say who.".
 
2013-02-11 01:14:42 AM  
Dear Karl Rove,

Your creation has a life of its own and is the reason your party won't see the White House for a generation.

Sincerely,
The reality-based community
 
2013-02-11 01:15:53 AM  

log_jammin: so the entire thing "hey some guy told me John Brennan was a Muslim, but I'm not going to say who.".


Hey, it works for Fox News.
 
2013-02-11 01:15:54 AM  

Grand_Moff_Joseph: propasaurus: revrendjim: And why would that be a problem?

"no religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office or public trust under the United States "

--U.S. Constitution

Ah, but Islam is not a religion. It is a worldwide political movement.

The same could be said about Catholicism these days....at least as far as the Vatican and the hardliners go.


Hell, any US version of Christianity is far more political than either Islam or Catholicism.
 
2013-02-11 01:16:34 AM  
Let's for a moment assume that  John Brennan is himself a Muslim... so what?
 
2013-02-11 01:17:01 AM  

log_jammin: so the entire thing "hey some guy told me John Brennan was a Muslim, but I'm not going to say who.".


My brother's, nephew's, sister's, former roommate's, uncle told me he is a Muslim. It must be true.
 
2013-02-11 01:17:27 AM  

sheep snorter: [i.imgur.com image 659x742]


wow, now that is how you reverse troll.  Masterfully done!

/ovation
 
2013-02-11 01:17:37 AM  
But... he's white!
 
2013-02-11 01:17:46 AM  

FormlessOne: rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.

Not any more. Now, just the existence of a conspiracy theory is enough, in the eyes of some Congresscriters, to "sow doubt" - look at the stupidity surrounding the "Obama's birth certificate" conspiracy. We have elected officials in both the House and Senate who actually said, in public, that they had doubts, or weren't 100% sure, and they're running the show. Heck, this kind of disinformation is exactly what keeps the GOP going - if you can create confusion in the minds of those more inclined to emotional rather than rational thinking, heck, you can manipulate public opinion on everything from abortion to climate change. Conspiracies aren't just for conspiracy nuts any more.


But see, that's why I'm getting sick of the whole thing. They're terrible conspiracy theories because they're so completely stupid. If they want to come up with conspiracy theories they should at least have the decency and good manners to make their theories entertaining. Heck, even the people who believe that all the governments of the world are run by reptilians have a bigger element of truth to grasp to than these folks do. They're just plain lazy conspiracy theorists.
 
2013-02-11 01:19:11 AM  

Zeppelininthesky: log_jammin: so the entire thing "hey some guy told me John Brennan was a Muslim, but I'm not going to say who.".

My brother's, nephew's, sister's, former roommate's, uncle told me he is a Muslim. It must be true.


I heard the same thing! Did any of them work at the 31-flavors?
 
2013-02-11 01:19:46 AM  
All right!  That does it!  It's time we -- the civilized, rational, non-batshiat crazy members of civilization -- act to defend humanity from itself.  It'll be a slow process, but it must be done if we are to regain any semblance of being the one part of the primate family that does not regularly fling its own feces.

Therefore, I hereby propose the following immediate change to the Constitution of the United States of America:

1.) A fourth branch of government shall be created.  It shall be known as the Quit Being a Dipshiat Branch.
2.) The QBD Branch shall have full power and authority to kick the willfully stupid, willfully ignorant, willfully unethical, and willfully irredeemable square in the nuts.  If said person or persons is lacking in the nuts department, an equivalently embarrassing and painful area of the body shall be kicked.
3.) The execution of said nut-kickings shall be broadcast live on all media at the time of occurance.  No organization shall be permitted to filter, block, edit, change, manipulate, fold, or spindle the nut-kicking broadcast.
4.) All persons, having been found guilty of offenses requiring nut-kicking shall be required to submit to the nut-kicking.
5.) Repeated offenses shall result in repeated nut-kickings.
6.) There is no rule # 6
7.) Upon completion of the nut-kicking, the nut-kicker is required to say "quit being a dipshiat" to the nut-kickee.
8.) This applies to all government officials at the Federal, State, and Local level, other citizens, documented and undocumented aliens (including Martians, Vulcans, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri,) visitors, guests, dignitaries, CEOs, CTOs, CFOs, REO Speedwagons, Chuck Wagons, not Chuck Mangione (he's too cool), and especially anyone who starts, advocates, perpetuates, or holds a belief in any conspiracy theory, with the exception of the theory that holds that Vermont doesn't really exist, but is instead a practical joke started by New Hampshire that's gotten a bit out of hand.
 
2013-02-11 01:21:09 AM  

rynthetyn: FormlessOne: rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.

Not any more. Now, just the existence of a conspiracy theory is enough, in the eyes of some Congresscriters, to "sow doubt" - look at the stupidity surrounding the "Obama's birth certificate" conspiracy. We have elected officials in both the House and Senate who actually said, in public, that they had doubts, or weren't 100% sure, and they're running the show. Heck, this kind of disinformation is exactly what keeps the GOP going - if you can create confusion in the minds of those more inclined to emotional rather than rational thinking, heck, you can manipulate public opinion on everything from abortion to climate change. Conspiracies aren't just for conspiracy nuts any more.

But see, that's why I'm getting sick of the whole thing. They're terrible conspiracy theories because they're so completely stupid. If they want to come up with conspiracy theories they should at least have the decency and good manners to make their theories entertaining. Heck, even the people who believe that all the governments of the world are run by reptilians have a bigger element of truth to grasp to than these folks do. They're just plain lazy conspiracy theorists.


I could say that Obama is a reverse MoleMan from Jupiter. It is totally crazy, but people will believe things like that because they want to believe. If you hate someone or a group of people so much, anything that is said against them is believable in their eyes.
 
2013-02-11 01:23:15 AM  

rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.


I collect conspiracy theories. From JFK, Morrison, Black Helicopters, FEMA camps, Trilateral Commission, Illuminati, Aquarius, COM-12, Reagan's Star Wars project as a UFO shield, and more. Lately, the "conspiracies" are getting weak. For instance, ACORN and FEMA waiting to lynch Conservatives. The "Benghazi cover up", and more. It's just getting to be weak sauce. "Seekrit Muslims" especially, since being a Muslim...well, it's not exactly a terrible thing. Even though Cassius  Clay converting to Muhammad Ali was spooky to some folks. Sort of like "Seekrit Mormons" or "Seekrit Catholics." Don't get me wrong, JFK was supposed to bring down the nation to bow before the Pope and DOOOOOOOOM America, but we see how that turned out.
 
2013-02-11 01:23:47 AM  

Dawnrazor: Therefore, I hereby propose the following immediate change to the Constitution of the United States of America:

1.) A fourth branch of government shall be created. It shall be known as the Quit Being a Dipshiat Branch.


It would be easier to just add a new cabinet position; the Minister of Slapping.
 
2013-02-11 01:24:51 AM  

rynthetyn: FormlessOne: rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.

Not any more. Now, just the existence of a conspiracy theory is enough, in the eyes of some Congresscriters, to "sow doubt" - look at the stupidity surrounding the "Obama's birth certificate" conspiracy. We have elected officials in both the House and Senate who actually said, in public, that they had doubts, or weren't 100% sure, and they're running the show. Heck, this kind of disinformation is exactly what keeps the GOP going - if you can create confusion in the minds of those more inclined to emotional rather than rational thinking, heck, you can manipulate public opinion on everything from abortion to climate change. Conspiracies aren't just for conspiracy nuts any more.

But see, that's why I'm getting sick of the whole thing. They're terrible conspiracy theories because they're so completely stupid. If they want to come up with conspiracy theories they should at least have the decency and good manners to make their theories entertaining. Heck, even the people who believe that all the governments of the world are run by reptilians have a bigger element of truth to grasp to than these folks do. They're just plain lazy conspiracy theorists.


Won't get an argument from me - it used to be that, yes, we had some really high-quality conspiracies. Now, though, what with the GOP exploiting the nutters as crazy muscle, any crackpot conspiracy will do. Quality is no longer a requirement. Belief is no longer a requirement, for that matter. Not when you can throw some nutcase like Orly Taitz at it and say "cause discord." The folks talking about and reporting these ersatz conspiracies are doing so because the existence of the conspiracy itself generates enough controversy to sell.
 
2013-02-11 01:26:38 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Dawnrazor: Therefore, I hereby propose the following immediate change to the Constitution of the United States of America:

1.) A fourth branch of government shall be created. It shall be known as the Quit Being a Dipshiat Branch.

It would be easier to just add a new cabinet position; the Minister of Slapping.


I'd like to volunteer my services as Deputy Dopeslapper.
 
2013-02-11 01:28:09 AM  

Uchiha_Cycliste: Let's for a moment assume that  John Brennan is himself a Muslim... so what?


Not just a Muslim but a secret Muslim mole who's been carefully converted and turned into a living weapon designed to bring America to her knees.

A Mohammadan candidate, if you will.

This is what wingnuts actually believe.
 
2013-02-11 01:28:28 AM  
Are Republicans afraid of all Muslims or just the secret ones that are leading the country?
 
2013-02-11 01:28:32 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Dawnrazor: Therefore, I hereby propose the following immediate change to the Constitution of the United States of America:

1.) A fourth branch of government shall be created. It shall be known as the Quit Being a Dipshiat Branch.

It would be easier to just add a new cabinet position; the Minister of Slapping.


I would so sign up to be an official Dopeslapper. For an office like that, we could convince Dara O'Briain to become a U.S. citizen.

"Science knows it doesn't know everything; otherwise, it'd stop. But just because science doesn't know everything doesn't mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairy tale most appeals to you."
 
2013-02-11 01:30:02 AM  

hubiestubert: rynthetyn: I'm getting sick of this because their conspiracy theories are too stupid to even be entertaining. I love a good conspiracy theory, but this is just getting ridiculous, a good conspiracy needs to have at least some element of truth to twist.

I collect conspiracy theories. From JFK, Morrison, Black Helicopters, FEMA camps, Trilateral Commission, Illuminati, Aquarius, COM-12, Reagan's Star Wars project as a UFO shield, and more. Lately, the "conspiracies" are getting weak. For instance, ACORN and FEMA waiting to lynch Conservatives. The "Benghazi cover up", and more. It's just getting to be weak sauce. "Seekrit Muslims" especially, since being a Muslim...well, it's not exactly a terrible thing. Even though Cassius  Clay converting to Muhammad Ali was spooky to some folks. Sort of like "Seekrit Mormons" or "Seekrit Catholics." Don't get me wrong, JFK was supposed to bring down the nation to bow before the Pope and DOOOOOOOOM America, but we see how that turned out.


Precisely. Even the Clinton-era conspiracy theories were better. This is all throw-a-lot-of-shiat-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks. It's just lazy.

Of course, if I ever run for office, I'd probably wind up running afoul of the sekrit muslin conspiracy theories because I've got a step cousin who converted to Islam after he got out of the Marines, and one of my aunts has a bunch of Jordanian relatives (several of whom were enrolled at Embry Riddle--where several of the 9/11 hijackers went--when 9/11 happened). That's enough guilt-by-association that I'm screwed.
 
2013-02-11 01:30:31 AM  

FormlessOne: I would so sign up to be an official Dopeslapper. For an office like that, we could convince Dara O'Briain to become a U.S. citizen.


"Secretary of Defense, that has to be the stupidest idea I've ever heard put forth in a cabinet meeting.  Minister of Slapping, do your duty."
 
2013-02-11 01:30:42 AM  

Satanic_Hamster: Minister of Slapping.


I'd volunteer but only if  could use largish salmon to slap with.
 
2013-02-11 01:36:31 AM  
rynthetyn: Precisely. Even the Clinton-era conspiracy theories were better. This is all throw-a-lot-of-shiat-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks. It's just lazy.

Of course, if I ever run for office, I'd probably wind up running afoul of the sekrit muslin conspiracy theories because I've got a step cousin who converted to Islam after he got out of the Marines, and one of my aunts has a bunch of Jordanian relatives (several of whom were enrolled at Embry Riddle--where several of the 9/11 hijackers went--when 9/11 happened). That's enough guilt-by-association that I'm screwed.


Lazy is the operative term. To get a good conspiracy theory, you have to look at the facts so damn hard that you squeeze extra meaning into every single moment, every nuance. It takes time, it takes dedication, and it takes a LOT of work.

This crap? It's like the way they plotted Heroes or BSG. The "Let's throw up a bunch of stuff and see what tests well" method of plotting, and looking to retcon the whole thing later so that it all stitches together. It craps on good conspiracy theory, and is what happens when you let real hacks get involved, as opposed to genuine, genius crazy into the room. It has no heart, it has no gumption, and is an affront to real conspiracy theory, and is just a sad sham. It's the Sham-Wow of conspiracy theory even.
 
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