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(Cracked)   6 examples of real people who took helicopter parenting way too far   (cracked.com) divider line 107
    More: Weird, Too Far, helicopter parenting, Easter egg hunts  
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21895 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Feb 2013 at 3:21 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-09 12:18:21 PM
My sister will be a mom next month sometime, it will be interesting to see if she goes batshiat crazy.  She's always seemed fairly levelheaded, so hopefully my nieces/nephews will get to eat a worm or two.
 
2013-02-09 12:50:07 PM
My brother and his wife raised my niece to care way too much about what other people think of her and that there's nothing in the world worse than being fat, and now she's had to drop out of college to go into an inpatient facility for anorexia. Yay helicopter parenting!
 
2013-02-09 12:57:12 PM
Father of William James Sidis indefensibly absent
 
2013-02-09 01:03:34 PM
I caught a student plagiarizing a paper once; she just copied and pasted an article, added an intro and conclusion, and submitted it.  The writing went from barely coherent, to way too advanced for an undergrad, and then back to barely coherent again, so it was pretty clear that whoever wrote the middle did not write the beginning or end.  Five seconds on Google found the original article.

I gave the student a zero for the assignment, printed out the article that she had copied, and stapled it to the paper before returning it, with a note saying that I could not give the student credit for someone else's work.

The next day, mom called the school, complained to the Chair of the department, demanding that I be fired, and when that didn't work (because I always report plagiarism to the department even before returning it to the student, so the Chair knew what was up), mom started sending me nasty emails claiming that "evil triumphed over good" and other such ridiculous crap.

I was tempted to write back, explaining that her kid was not only so incompetent that she couldn't write an undergrad paper without cheating, but even more incompetent for doing it in such a ham-handed, obvious way, so she had obviously failed as a mother, and if she was going to teach her kid to be a filthy cheater, she should at least teach the kid to be good at it.

Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."
 
2013-02-09 01:14:50 PM
Alex Collins' mother should be on that list.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2013-02-09 01:27:10 PM
So we suppose it would be kind of like having a fancy personal assistant, only one that guarantees you will never have sex.

I had a girlfriend who I suspected had a thing for my mother. No, I did not suggest a threesome.
 
2013-02-09 01:37:37 PM
This explains why I'm still having trouble finding an internship; I don't have pressure on the company like these snowflakes whose parents have their back.
 
wee [TotalFark]
2013-02-09 02:30:47 PM
It's not Fark, it's cracked.com.
 
2013-02-09 03:24:48 PM
My mom hacked a Cracked article into a single page for me.
 
2013-02-09 03:34:38 PM
Oh look, a list that we can actually comment on. Never have I been so happy to see a Cracked link.
 
2013-02-09 03:35:06 PM
the supposedly untraceable phone he was using to carry out his insane vendetta was, in fact, quite traceable,

No shiat. How was that supposed to work?
 
2013-02-09 03:37:52 PM
Some of them then sit in on the interview itself and will actually attempt to negotiate salary and benefits on behalf of their children

Fark that, I'd be all "Get out of my office and take your kid with you.  If little Destiny here can't be left alone for a few minutes there's no way she's cut out to be a pole dancer."
 
2013-02-09 03:38:52 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: the supposedly untraceable phone he was using to carry out his insane vendetta was, in fact, quite traceable,

No shiat. How was that supposed to work?


First step:  Don't buy the prepaid credit card with your real credit card :P
 
2013-02-09 03:40:08 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: the supposedly untraceable phone he was using to carry out his insane vendetta was, in fact, quite traceable,

No shiat. How was that supposed to work?


It seemed legit. That Craigslist ad was very specific about how untraceable the phone was, and why else would it cost $2k?
 
2013-02-09 03:42:42 PM
The easter egg hunt one made me rage..  What coonts
 
2013-02-09 03:45:12 PM
My family wonders why I am, coincidentally, always "busy" every time their snowflakes are kicking a some soccer ball.

Strange how that has worked out for how long?....the last 15 years?

Totally weird.
 
2013-02-09 03:45:49 PM

WhyteRaven74: Father of William James Sidis indefensibly absent


Andy Samberg stars as Amazing Willie> coming to FOX this fall.
 
2013-02-09 03:46:10 PM
Mom Hacks School Computer, Changes Grades

pc-museum.com
 
2013-02-09 03:47:41 PM
When I was five, I made a bow and arrow out of a rake handle, a bungee cord duck tape, and a curtain rod hammered to a point. from about ten feet away it would stick two inches into solid wood. My dad told me not to point it at anyone and to go have fun hunting porcupines. That's how you raise a kid.
 
2013-02-09 03:49:05 PM

FloydA: Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."


That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.
 
2013-02-09 03:51:43 PM
I like this sort of parenting   Link
 
2013-02-09 03:52:34 PM

vygramul: FloydA: Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."

That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.


As a grad student, I helped manage big student conferences (Model UN).  I got quite good at shutting down PoliSci department chairs (many of whom were, indeed, imbeciles) who biatched that little Johnny should have been chairman of his committee.  Just takes some spine - you're in charge, don't back down, don't negotiate.
 
2013-02-09 03:54:06 PM

styckx: The easter egg hunt one made me rage..  What coonts


I didn't read that one, as I am all too aware of what Easter Egg hunts turn into.  Especially if you allow an age range of more than about two years.  The six year olds get nothing, the 10 year-olds fight over every egg.  (I've seen a ten year-old not bother looking, but watching the younger kids, realizing that once the younger kid spotted one and started lumbering towards it, they were so much faster they would get there first.)

Parent's are assholes, but so are many kids.

What they SHOULD do is, once you find x eggs, you turn in your basket for a prize and get a new basket.  They need to make the process of that lengthy, though.  Then you can put out some multiple of x to virtually guarantee that every kid finds enough eggs for a prize.
 
2013-02-09 03:55:16 PM
CSB!

Like many other maladjusted teenagers I had an "Anarchist Cookbook".

I'm old enough that it was cute and trendy back then as opposed to something that would have SWAT teams raiding your house like it would now. Right after a friend of mine was suspended for having an empty bottle of alcohol in his car, his father asked to borrow it... I got it back months later without even thinking about it until much later. Nothing happened.
 
2013-02-09 03:55:44 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: the supposedly untraceable phone he was using to carry out his insane vendetta was, in fact, quite traceable,

No shiat. How was that supposed to work?


must be an amatuer. All one needs is a simple SIM card to make a call then destroy it each time.
 
2013-02-09 03:56:09 PM

vygramul: That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.


Best of luck to you. At least when you deal with college-aged kids you can tell the parents "FERPA, now STFU."
 
2013-02-09 03:56:23 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Mom Hacks School Computer, Changes Grades

[pc-museum.com image 720x400]


I wish she had been my mom.
 
2013-02-09 03:56:47 PM

FrancoFile: vygramul: FloydA: Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."

That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.

As a grad student, I helped manage big student conferences (Model UN).  I got quite good at shutting down PoliSci department chairs (many of whom were, indeed, imbeciles) who biatched that little Johnny should have been chairman of his committee.  Just takes some spine - you're in charge, don't back down, don't negotiate.


I'm not going to change a grade, the question is whether I point out just how much of a failure the parent is.

/Not saying everything a kid does is a result of failed parenting, but coming to biatch at me when I caught their kid cheating IS parenting fail.  Period.
 
2013-02-09 03:57:12 PM
i.crackedcdn.com
Damn, mom's hot!
 
2013-02-09 03:57:46 PM

FrancoFile: vygramul: FloydA: Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."

That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.

As a grad student, I helped manage big student conferences (Model UN).  I got quite good at shutting down PoliSci department chairs (many of whom were, indeed, imbeciles) who biatched that little Johnny should have been chairman of his committee.  Just takes some spine - you're in charge, don't back down, don't negotiate.



Shoot the hostage.
 
2013-02-09 04:00:45 PM
I can't imagine a parent showing up for a job interview, even an internship.  I think that would make it a non-starter.
 
2013-02-09 04:00:45 PM

vygramul: styckx: The easter egg hunt one made me rage..  What coonts

I didn't read that one, as I am all too aware of what Easter Egg hunts turn into.  Especially if you allow an age range of more than about two years.  The six year olds get nothing, the 10 year-olds fight over every egg.  (I've seen a ten year-old not bother looking, but watching the younger kids, realizing that once the younger kid spotted one and started lumbering towards it, they were so much faster they would get there first.)

Parent's are assholes, but so are many kids.

What they SHOULD do is, once you find x eggs, you turn in your basket for a prize and get a new basket.  They need to make the process of that lengthy, though.  Then you can put out some multiple of x to virtually guarantee that every kid finds enough eggs for a prize.


My grandmother has Easter Egg hunts perfected.. Depending on the amount that would be involved she would split up into groups and two two separate hunts. Each kid got a color. ie: I would only be able to find blue eggs. If I found another color I knew it wasn't mine and moved on.  This way at the end of the day each kid got the same amount of eggs and equal fun while the parents sat around enjoying being a parent and watching their kid enjoy a holiday.
 
2013-02-09 04:01:21 PM

aimtastic: My brother and his wife raised my niece to care way too much about what other people think of her and that there's nothing in the world worse than being fat, and now she's had to drop out of college to go into an inpatient facility for anorexia. Yay helicopter parenting!


Sounds like my type, except for being fat.
 
2013-02-09 04:02:32 PM

vygramul: FloydA: Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."

That's great.  Unfortunately, I'm going to be a high school teacher next year, and I *must* deal with the parents.  I'm not sure what I'm going to say to such an imbecile, but I'm pretty sure that's going to be my greatest test of diplomacy.


Best of luck to you.  I know I don't have the patience for that.
 
2013-02-09 04:02:58 PM

wee: It's not Fark, it's cracked.com.


At least we can comment on these and they don't hang around at the top of the list permanently.
 
FNG [TotalFark]
2013-02-09 04:05:46 PM
I didn't RTFA because it is linked to Cracked, but the Easter egg thing is hysterical.

When my niece was a kid and we did egg hunts for her, my brother and I would take the eggs she had found and put in her basket, and re-hide them while she was off looking for others.

She loved it because it extended the game. She's 19 now and is a great kid with a great mom.

/plastic eggs that contained either money or candy
//ecsb
 
2013-02-09 04:10:59 PM

FloydA: I caught a student plagiarizing a paper once; she just copied and pasted an article, added an intro and conclusion, and submitted it.  The writing went from barely coherent, to way too advanced for an undergrad, and then back to barely coherent again, so it was pretty clear that whoever wrote the middle did not write the beginning or end.  Five seconds on Google found the original article.

I gave the student a zero for the assignment, printed out the article that she had copied, and stapled it to the paper before returning it, with a note saying that I could not give the student credit for someone else's work.

The next day, mom called the school, complained to the Chair of the department, demanding that I be fired, and when that didn't work (because I always report plagiarism to the department even before returning it to the student, so the Chair knew what was up), mom started sending me nasty emails claiming that "evil triumphed over good" and other such ridiculous crap.

I was tempted to write back, explaining that her kid was not only so incompetent that she couldn't write an undergrad paper without cheating, but even more incompetent for doing it in such a ham-handed, obvious way, so she had obviously failed as a mother, and if she was going to teach her kid to be a filthy cheater, she should at least teach the kid to be good at it.

Instead, I sent an email saying "I'm sorry, but it is University policy to not discuss student performance with anyone other than the student."


CSB:

My professor told us about a time he was in college, and his roommate gave him a paper and said "here, read this for me, tell me what you think." So he read the first page, and looked to his roommate, and said it was very good, but I know you didn't write it. He grabbed a book from his shelf and pointed to the paper in the book.

The roommate admitted to it, and then asked if my professor thought the roommate's prof. would notice. My professor asked "your prof. he has bushy white hair, right?"

"yeah"

"His name is Professor X, right?"

"Yeah, you know him?"

Here my prof gave some consideration to saying "no, he won't notice," but instead told the truth and said "Your professor wrote this book."

/CSB
 
2013-02-09 04:13:42 PM
All this talk of "helicopter parenting" makes me want to see Pixar make a movie about a young helicopter who wants to go out into the world but his overprotective parent helicopters won't let him.

The young helicopter could be a bubble-cockpit copter (like the ones from M*A*S*H), and the parents could be a news copter and a firefighting water-dropping copter.
 
2013-02-09 04:14:46 PM
BTW here's someone who was raised right, providing an example of the good parenting they got

i.imgur.com
 
2013-02-09 04:18:06 PM
Lame.


Whatever happened to the good 'ol pass-out-drunk-so-you-could-break-into -vacant-properties-around-the-ne ighborhood-parents?

Kids these days. I tell ya.
 
2013-02-09 04:19:11 PM

Ego edo infantia cattus: When I was five, I made a bow and arrow out of a rake handle, a bungee cord duck tape, and a curtain rod hammered to a point. from about ten feet away it would stick two inches into solid wood.


No, it wouldn't.
 
2013-02-09 04:19:26 PM
This is why I get annoyed at people who start ranting about 'snowflakes'. Do not blame kids when it's the parents who are getting the trophies.
 
2013-02-09 04:20:39 PM
KangTheMad:
Here my prof gave some consideration to saying "no, he won't notice," but instead told the truth and said "Your professor wrote this book."


Heh heh, yeah I had one of those too.  Apparently, it never occurred to the student that his prof might read Wikipedia, much less be an editor.

It's not even the cheating that bothers me, so much as their assumption that I won't notice.  I think that's what really annoys me.
 
2013-02-09 04:24:10 PM

MadAzza: Ego edo infantia cattus: When I was five, I made a bow and arrow out of a rake handle, a bungee cord duck tape, and a curtain rod hammered to a point. from about ten feet away it would stick two inches into solid wood.

No, it wouldn't.


Came to say this. My dad's 150 lb pull crossbow would MAYBE do this if the wood was soft, but no way a five year old would be pulling that back.
 
2013-02-09 04:25:45 PM

FloydA: KangTheMad:
Here my prof gave some consideration to saying "no, he won't notice," but instead told the truth and said "Your professor wrote this book."


Heh heh, yeah I had one of those too.  Apparently, it never occurred to the student that his prof might read Wikipedia, much less be an editor.

It's not even the cheating that bothers me, so much as their assumption that I won't notice.  I think that's what really annoys me.


Yeah, it doesn't take that much effort to block quote something and build off of it.

//Not that I haven't cheated by writing down the conjugations of spanish verbs on my pencil, then sitting the pencil in the groove on the desk so the verbs would be obscured when I wasn't using that one. Nope.
 
2013-02-09 04:33:12 PM

WhyteRaven74: BTW here's someone who was raised right, providing an example of the good parenting they got

[i.imgur.com image 468x1500]


lol this sounds like me, but then when I got to the next stage of the plan they pretended not to remember and told me to stay out of there
 
2013-02-09 04:44:56 PM
 
2013-02-09 04:52:13 PM

DarkSoulNoHope: Mom Hacks School Computer, Changes Grades


Yeah. And it wasn't Ferris Bueller, as in TFA.
 
2013-02-09 05:03:07 PM
i.crackedcdn.com
Things like "making interviews arrangements" is something a parent does to get their kid to get a job and leave the house. Not so much helicoptering.

/yeah, now you recognize the categories, you bum
 
2013-02-09 05:07:29 PM
scrapetv.com
 
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