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(Village Voice)   Top 10 Douchiest Guitarists of All Time - feel free to add or subtract to this list on the right   (blogs.villagevoice.com ) divider line
    More: Fail, B.B. King  
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11200 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Feb 2013 at 9:21 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-08 10:25:18 PM  
No mention of the guy who shows up to every party with his guitar and plays John Mayer songs to make the girls think he's some sort of sensitive bad boy?


/you sound terrible
//learn more than four chords
 
2013-02-08 10:25:30 PM  
You really need a "Top 50" for this kind of list.
 
2013-02-08 10:28:10 PM  
Tom Morello and Billy Corgan are 2 examples.

Like their music but holy crap, they're insane. Matt Bellamy I thought was should be on the list but he sounds sane at times.
 
2013-02-08 10:28:48 PM  

dugitman: G.E. Smith farked over every performance he was ever in with excessive douchery, including this one with T-Bone and Clapton. The former SNL guitarist/musical director made me want to go Elvis on my TV every gotdammed time he mugged his way on screen. None so douchey


Dylan fired him for his "Look at me! " antics.
 
2013-02-08 10:29:56 PM  

El Dudereno: No mention of the guy who shows up to every party with his guitar and plays John Mayer songs to make the girls think he's some sort of sensitive bad boy?


/you sound terrible
//learn more than four chords

 
2013-02-08 10:30:01 PM  
The list makes sense to me. Anyone who does a 6-minute guitar solo over a basic backing track and calls it a song falls into the douche category if you ask me.

Rent Party: Eruption changed *everything.*   There is a reason you have a brazillion 15 year old shred monkeys on every corner.


Exactly, that's why I hate it. Style and flash over substance. No thanks.
 
2013-02-08 10:31:29 PM  
List fails for trying to call out Satriani and Vai, two of chillest dudes to ever pick up the instrument. And also far more musical the Malmsteen IMHO.
 
2013-02-08 10:31:45 PM  

Mr. Chainsaw: The list makes sense to me. Anyone who does a 6-minute guitar solo over a basic backing track and calls it a song falls into the douche category if you ask me.

Rent Party: Eruption changed *everything.*   There is a reason you have a brazillion 15 year old shred monkeys on every corner.

Exactly, that's why I hate it. Style and flash over substance. No thanks.


Rent Party: El Dudereno: No mention of the guy who shows up to every party with his guitar and plays John Mayer songs to make the girls think he's some sort of sensitive bad boy?


/you sound terrible
//learn more than four chords


Damn image limits...

http://i.imgur.com/piEGP.gif
 
2013-02-08 10:32:30 PM  
Always dug that Rick Nielsen and the rest of Cheap Trick.

Should've listed that diva Vivian Campbell instead - very rude to the fans and not that grateful to Def Leppard for hiring him while they danced on Steve Clark's grave.
 
2013-02-08 10:33:16 PM  

Mr. Chainsaw: The list makes sense to me. Anyone who does a 6-minute guitar solo over a basic backing track and calls it a song falls into the douche category if you ask me.

Rent Party: Eruption changed *everything.*   There is a reason you have a brazillion 15 year old shred monkeys on every corner.

Exactly, that's why I hate it. Style and flash over substance. No thanks.


upload.wikimedia.org

Too many notes.
 
2013-02-08 10:33:48 PM  
Satriani is my favorite guitarist, but he is a bit egotistical and self-indulgent at times (see "Professor Satchafunkilus and the Musterion of Rock").
 
2013-02-08 10:36:20 PM  
Glad to see that Yngwie Malmsteen made the list. Dude's a great guitarist, but a tremendous douche.

And he doesn't like donuts either.
 
2013-02-08 10:36:37 PM  

Rent Party: Too many notes.


laf
 
2013-02-08 10:36:57 PM  

Rent Party: Mugato: I don't know what the qualifications are for "douchiest guitarist" but Yngwie Malmsteen can do shiat on guitar that I couldn't do in a thousand years.

Google  up "Unleash the fury" for that, along with many other anecdotes on just what a collossal douche Yngwie is.  If he's not #1 on the list, the list fails.

And Malmsteen is horrible, for the record.



What record is that?  Yours?  I'd like to be that horrible.  Dude can play.  So can Vai and Satch.

Agree with mentions of Blackmore, Page, and Corgan.  Would add Jack White.

But then again. it's the Village Voice.
 
2013-02-08 10:37:44 PM  
That list blows.
 
2013-02-08 10:39:13 PM  
EVH is both awesome and douchey. Unfortunately, his doucheyness ultimately ruined his awesomeness.

List fails hard without Nugent. Douchey and not a great guitarist. He's not fit to clean Rick Nielsen's checkered shoes.
 
2013-02-08 10:40:37 PM  

Rent Party: Mr. Chainsaw: The list makes sense to me. Anyone who does a 6-minute guitar solo over a basic backing track and calls it a song falls into the douche category if you ask me.

Rent Party: Eruption changed *everything.*   There is a reason you have a brazillion 15 year old shred monkeys on every corner.

Exactly, that's why I hate it. Style and flash over substance. No thanks.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x270]

Too many notes.


   I spent the first ten years learning to play and the last 20 years learning what not to play....
 
2013-02-08 10:42:17 PM  

Eufah Kennidiets: Rent Party: Mugato: I don't know what the qualifications are for "douchiest guitarist" but Yngwie Malmsteen can do shiat on guitar that I couldn't do in a thousand years.

Google  up "Unleash the fury" for that, along with many other anecdotes on just what a collossal douche Yngwie is.  If he's not #1 on the list, the list fails.

And Malmsteen is horrible, for the record.

Dude can play.  So can Vai and Satch.


Dude can play in the same sense that a calliope can play, or a player piano.   All action, nothing musically.

Here is what he had to say about Satch.

"I like the groovy intro. Sounds like a Strat. But the soloing going over the song is very bad. It's bent out of shape and out of tune. It's very basic bullshiat pentatonic runs. The choice of notes in the solo is completely overdone. That stuff has been done for 30 years! I'm sick and tired off that bending bullshiat. This is the most run-of-the-mill pentatonic playing I ever heard."

He's a douche.
 
2013-02-08 10:45:58 PM  
Subby has active envy affliction.
 
2013-02-08 10:47:29 PM  
I think the article is confusing 'ridiculousness' / 'cheezyness' with actual "doucheness" as in the guitarist in question's actual personality  being douchey. (ie. a dick to work with, rude, etc.)

I would nominate Steve Howe...... yes he is an awesome guitarist, but I've heard quotes from a former bandmate or two (ie. John Wetton) that he was a huge ass.
 
2013-02-08 10:47:59 PM  
I was going to add "that dude from White Lion", but then I looked him up-- and feel like a farking asshole.
 
2013-02-08 10:49:07 PM  
Put Nugent at number 6 then you would actually have 10 items in your top ten list instead of 9
 
2013-02-08 10:50:02 PM  

Slu: Top Geezer: No Billy Corgan? Really?

/really???!!

Good call.

It is tough to argue their top 2 though. And I would have put whomever plays guitar in Madien on there as well.


The name you seek is Janick Gers. Spends more time engaging in histrionics and delivering sloppy, tedious solos than performing the actual tune.

Adrian Smith all day, any day over that clown.
 
2013-02-08 10:56:45 PM  

dugitman: [a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 600x378]

G.E. Smith farked over every performance he was ever in with excessive douchery, including this one with T-Bone and Clapton. The former SNL guitarist/musical director made me want to go Elvis on my TV every gotdammed time he mugged his way on screen. None so douchey


Spot on!!!!

And when he was with Hall and Oates also.
 
2013-02-08 10:57:21 PM  
hate on mayer for banging all the hot chicks, but he can play, search youtube where he and slash and zztop played lagrange, mayer owned.
 
2013-02-08 10:59:21 PM  
I see Eruption has been defended by Farkers in this thread, so no need to pile on.

What the heck, the author of that article deserves to be piled on. Some of those guys deserved to be called douchie, but not because of their music. Anybody who argues that just hates guitars, and that pretty much invalidates the article from the get-go.
 
2013-02-08 10:59:53 PM  

cygnusx13: Slu: Top Geezer: No Billy Corgan? Really?

/really???!!

Good call.

It is tough to argue their top 2 though. And I would have put whomever plays guitar in Madien on there as well.

The name you seek is Janick Gers. Spends more time engaging in histrionics and delivering sloppy, tedious solos than performing the actual tune.

Adrian Smith all day, any day over that clown.


I think Janick gets a bad rep. He's far from the best soloist in the band, but his rhythm playing adds some needed punch, and his dueling with Eddie onstage is fun to watch (because let's face it, a big part of Maiden's appeal is the live spectacle). He's also a good songwriter.
 
2013-02-08 11:00:25 PM  
No mention of Prince!?!
/List FAIL,
//Subby FAIL,
///Comments FAIL
 
2013-02-08 11:02:51 PM  
sub Nuno B. for Nielsen and you've got a pretty good list
 
2013-02-08 11:05:07 PM  

Solid State Vittles: I don't think Rick Nielsen is being serious, fella.


THIS.

Saw Cheap Trick several time in their prime. Hey,  fail author, thats the joke.Rick Nielsen is a funny guy.

Robin Zander sure sings pretty.
 
2013-02-08 11:05:10 PM  
I'll be the tenth or so person to defend Rick Nielson.   Dude has more fun onstage (and provides more fun) than anyone else on the list.   He's a regular guy and not a celebrity trainwreck.  What is there to hate about the guy?

No Ted Nugent?  Or was the author afraid of getting shot?
 
2013-02-08 11:05:22 PM  
Vai?  Really?  He has got to be one of the coolest musicians I have seen play live - saw him last August in Asheville and he is not only awesome (truly one of the greatest masters and complete players ever) but very interactive with both the band and the audience.  He even brought some kids up on stage from the crowd to help him and the band "write" and perform a song on the fly - probably the coolest thing those kids will remember from their childhood.

And Rick Neilson with the 5 neck guitar?  Looks like somebody's sarcasm meter is broken.  THAT'S THE JOKE!!!  Don't get me started on Satriani - another ultra cool and humble person.

As for douchey - EVH and Mayer maybe.  And Yngwie (although his skill still blows me away).

I submit that the article's author is the real douche here.

Why not Mustaine? Or Blackmore? Or Joe Perry?  Or Tom Scholtz?  Or Ace Frehley?  Vinnie Vincent?  All those guitarists who you want to punch in the neck no matter how talented they are?

Fail tag indeed.  For the article.
 
2013-02-08 11:09:33 PM  

Mugato: I don't know what the qualifications are for "douchiest guitarist" but Yngwie Malmsteen can do shiat on guitar that I couldn't do in a thousand years.


I was at Winter NAMM many years back, and Yngwie was promoting some company, I forget. I was standing 10  feet from him watching him perform the most amazing and fascinating counterpoint orchestration on two guitars. Unique talent.
 
2013-02-08 11:11:18 PM  

MBP2112: No mention of Prince!?!
/List FAIL,
//Subby FAIL,
///Comments FAIL


Prince owns whatever genre he wants too, but you know, he aint white, so he aint got chops.  Prince is the only guitarist who could match eruption.

Hendrix was a great blues guitarist, but Eddie just is and was the man.  When did Jimi ever finger tap?

Watch mayer slash and zztop, mayer owns slash.
 
2013-02-08 11:14:01 PM  

Solid State Vittles: dugitman: G.E. Smith farked over every performance he was ever in with excessive douchery, including this one with T-Bone and Clapton. The former SNL guitarist/musical director made me want to go Elvis on my TV every gotdammed time he mugged his way on screen. None so douchey

Dylan fired him for his "Look at me! " antics.


Even Tiny Toons made fun of the guy. Go to 2:10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usMtLztGkYg
 
2013-02-08 11:17:02 PM  
What the hell is the point of all these comments that Yngwie has amazing technique or that Mayer is a bona fide master of blues guitar. The question is whether they're douches, not whether they can play.
 
2013-02-08 11:20:56 PM  

Mr. Chainsaw: cygnusx13: Slu: Top Geezer: No Billy Corgan? Really?

/really???!!

Good call.

It is tough to argue their top 2 though. And I would have put whomever plays guitar in Madien on there as well.

The name you seek is Janick Gers. Spends more time engaging in histrionics and delivering sloppy, tedious solos than performing the actual tune.

Adrian Smith all day, any day over that clown.

I think Janick gets a bad rep. He's far from the best soloist in the band, but his rhythm playing adds some needed punch, and his dueling with Eddie onstage is fun to watch (because let's face it, a big part of Maiden's appeal is the live spectacle). He's also a good songwriter.


He's *earned* a bad rap

Exhibit A: http://youtu.be/IxfLW9oN9-k
 
2013-02-08 11:21:55 PM  
But regardless of our particular pet peeves-- FTR: We all agree Nels Cline is frkkin cool, right?
 
2013-02-08 11:25:57 PM  
i877.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-08 11:26:33 PM  
List is missing Ted Nugent and Dave Mustaine who are both so douchy they should have Massengill branded on their foreheads. That being said Phill Anselmo is douchier than everyone on that list combined.
 
2013-02-08 11:28:32 PM  

Earguy: had98c: Went to article just to make sure Eddie Van Halen was on it. Justice was served.

I won't argue with what Eddie became, but if you were there in 1978, Eruption was mind-blowing and ground-breaking.  People thought he was somehow using studio trickery to use it, to the point where on the next album he did it again on an acoustic.  He deserves the credit, you can't take it away from him.


Seriously, Eddie VH inspired millions of pale young schoolboys to plunk down their Mothers credit cards and buy their first electric guitar. Eddie is the real farking McCoy: he tried anything and everything using a few crude tools, his imagination and talent to come up with sounds and experiment with dynamics. In his own way Eddie was a lot like his hero Les Paul. If Eddie had been born in another time I have no doubt his name would be on a slew of patents for rock n roll gear. As it stands he is responsible for a few gadgets and a slew of manufacturers have sought out his input on their goods before going to market. Plus he did the matrimonial mambo with Valerie Bert&Ernie, which itself is worth a standing ovation.

/ don't monkey with the monkey

PS: speaking of Guitar Gods, how about the bass player from The Plasmatics? he used to smash himself on the head till he bled on stage. that's farking rock n roll.
 
2013-02-08 11:33:13 PM  
Writer is the douchiest douche that ever douched.

"Look at me!  I'm making fun of the best in the business!".  How about every 90s alternative guitarist who sucked, but were still smug nevertheless?
 
2013-02-08 11:34:51 PM  
Ugh.
img594.imageshack.us Tommy Emmanual. Full of himself.
 
2013-02-08 11:36:20 PM  
No Jack White on this list? I'm callin' BS. 

Actually it's Jack's fans who proclaim him as a musical genius despite the fact that every band he's involved with sounds like the White Stripes with a few more instruments.
 
2013-02-08 11:42:11 PM  

strangveyn: No Jack White on this list? I'm callin' BS. 

Actually it's Jack's fans who proclaim him as a musical genius despite the fact that every band he's involved with sounds like the White Stripes with a few more instruments.


I'll put it to you this way. I remember when the White Stripes were "new." I went to one of their shows and I could smell this strange odor just drenching every cubic inch of the club. I finally realized what it was: Vinegar and water.
 
2013-02-08 11:43:21 PM  

Devolving_Spud: I'll be the tenth or so person to defend Rick Nielson.   Dude has more fun onstage (and provides more fun) than anyone else on the list.   He's a regular guy and not a celebrity trainwreck.  What is there to hate about the guy?

No Ted Nugent?  Or was the author afraid of getting shot?


I am gonna jump on the Rick Neilson/Cheap Trick bandwagon. Nielson is awesome and quite funny. Saw them first time in about 1980. Probably have seen them 20 or so times throughout the 80's and early 90's. One of my favorites because they DIDN'T pose for the audience or for one minute make you feel that they were any better than anyone else in the crowd. Played loose. Just looked to be having a good time.
 
2013-02-08 11:46:49 PM  

dugitman: I was going to add "that dude from White Lion", but then I looked him up-- and feel like a farking asshole.


I have an un-csb about him, but now I'd feel kinda bad. Not like "Jason Becker bad", but bad enough.
 
2013-02-08 11:49:20 PM  
Malmsteen, Eric Johnson, Dave Mathews... List is pages long.

And Cobain used his guitar. Not so much played it.

'I'm an artist. Give me a tuba and I'll get you something out of it.'
-John Lennon
 
2013-02-08 11:52:24 PM  
That Steve Vai solo is farking awful...Sounds like me screwing around on the Fender, and I suck at playing guitar.
 
2013-02-08 11:54:13 PM  

dugitman: [a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com image 600x378]

G.E. Smith farked over every performance he was ever in with excessive douchery, including this one with T-Bone and Clapton. The former SNL guitarist/musical director made me want to go Elvis on my TV every gotdammed time he mugged his way on screen. None so douchey


THIS. The smug was off the charts with that douchenozzle.
 
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