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(Sun Sentinel)   Officials want to build a 75-mile path through the Everglades so that joggers and cyclists can have easy access to the wildlife without having to use their cars. What could go wrong?   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 121
    More: Florida, Everglades, Florida Department of Transportation, accessibilities, Everglades National Park, ring roads, black bears, tailpipes, Collier County  
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7329 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2013 at 8:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-08 09:29:43 PM
Gators are just something we Floridians (FloriDuh-uns)live with. Play a round of golf, guess what? There's a gator swimming across the lake. Maybe sunning itself on the bank. I'm not one of those "hold my beer, watch this!" idiots, but it's a damned alligator. It's like being scared to go in the ocean because OMG A shark is gonna eat me!!! How many of you are scared of toasters or airplanes?
 
IP
2013-02-08 09:37:31 PM
Dinocroc thinks this is an outstanding play...
 
2013-02-08 09:39:28 PM
Does anybody remember ValuJet (which is now AirTran)?
 
2013-02-08 09:43:51 PM
Where do I go to complain about the fact that the damn 'unlikely teamups from you childhood' thing seems to be repeating all over the place, and in every tab, and in that new format where there's no commenting about 'sponsored featured partners' or whatever?

Just wondering.
 
2013-02-08 09:46:14 PM
And yet "frakking" which happens how many hundreds of feet below the earth and doesn't get in anyone's way, is a subject of debate. It's almost like the environuts hate corporations or something.
 
2013-02-08 09:47:57 PM

BarkingUnicorn: This path would make a big, ideal basking spot for gators, water moccasins, pythons, etc.  They may even dig under it to incubate their eggs.  Their populations will rise.  Populations of bikers and joggers will decrease.

Nope, don't see any problems.


Sure, but it'll be comedy gold.

Idiot cyclists running them over with their bikes and getting farked up.

Joggers getting chased by female gators protecting the nest.

I can't wait.
 
2013-02-08 09:54:17 PM

drewbob21: Don't they have Panthers in Florida still?  I'd be ok with a few Florida retirees feeding an endangered species.


 Nah, nothing to worry about. They'll be sending in teams ahead of time to shoot all the panthers so the construction crews will be safe.
 
2013-02-08 09:56:55 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: [images.pictureshunt.com image 356x474]

Fans of this proposal are lining up.



imageshack.us
 
2013-02-08 09:59:45 PM
How long would it take a 20 foot gator to be conditioned to attack anything in spandex, jogging or cycling?  Set up webcams with color commentary, "...and the gator has just latched on to slim jim and the twins so I don't think contestant number 7 is going anywhere other than down Mr. Toothy's throat."
 
2013-02-08 10:07:49 PM
Pythons will be a bigger issue for Glades joggers/bikers.  Pythons are eating Gators....they will eat jogger and bikers, too.

Some wild animals be getting full bellies
 
2013-02-08 10:08:39 PM
wolvesonceroamed.files.wordpress.com

And don't forget these little wonders.
 
2013-02-08 10:10:24 PM

Fark Me To Tears: Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?

Oh, stop it. The path is supposed to parallel the Tamiami Trail (U.S. 41) where it runs across the Everglades. If you've ever been there (I've lived near both ends of the affected area), you would know the path is not a bad idea. It would certainly be safer than walking or biking along the shoulder of U.S. 41. As for destroying wildlife... give me a f*cking break. Everything that is done in that area these days takes the wildlife and the ecosystem into consideration. A 14-foot wide path isn't going to be allowed to "destroy wildlife." Why don't you go down there and take a look at it for yourself?

I think it's a great idea. I would love to hike that path when they get it done.


You need to stop it with all the crazy common sense talk!
Who do you think you are trying to curtail ranting, critical and half-brain comments?
Shame, shame on you.
 
2013-02-08 10:16:24 PM
Gators usually aren't aggressive towards humans so it shouldn't be a problem. I've been within a few feet of them many times while kayaking and they really could give a shiat that you're there. I've also walked by them near lakes and they just scurry away when you get close. Typically only if fed do they come up to people looking for food.
 
2013-02-08 10:17:37 PM
took an rv down there and to the keys.
mosquitoes are so bad in the park you couldn't step outside.
maybe wrong time of the year or something, but it was actually unbearable.
 
2013-02-08 10:24:08 PM
I've yet to see an alligator be aggressive( I live in central florida), if the weather is nice enough for a jog, they tend to just lie there sunning themselves.
 
2013-02-08 10:25:38 PM

Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?


Not much point in preserving wilderness that nobody's using.

That said I'm usually opposed to paving. 75 miles of single track. That would be nice...
 
2013-02-08 10:52:17 PM

MayoSlather: Gators usually aren't aggressive towards humans so it shouldn't be a problem. I've been within a few feet of them many times while kayaking and they really could give a shiat that you're there. I've also walked by them near lakes and they just scurry away when you get close. Typically only if fed do they come up to people looking for food.


Gee, I just can't imagine some idiot tourist wanting to feed the wildlife out there for a Facebook photo op.
 
2013-02-08 11:02:49 PM
Oh sure, why don't we pave the whole farking Everglades.  We talk wildlife but do little to help them.  We've overrun the  Earth and still insist that Nature conform to our needs.  We pollute everything we touch and continue to do it. farking fracking and all that.  It will come to bite us in the ass, if not us than our children.
 
2013-02-08 11:06:57 PM

H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.


I've been to FLA. I farking love it. I too am sitting here in Action Park country freezing my nuggies off. Please let me know when the wife pisses you off royally, I'll split the cost of gas. My wife wouldn't realize I'm gone until there's no dinner on the table for a few weeks.

My brother (bachelor pro musician) lived in FLA 10 years. Went fishing every farking day. Dammit I want that life.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-02-08 11:09:14 PM

Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.


Someone will have to be paid to build the road/trail.  Cash will change hands before the contract is awarded.
 
2013-02-08 11:09:24 PM
Make sure to put up signs not to hunt the alligators and pythons...
 
2013-02-08 11:18:50 PM

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Agent Smiths Laugh: [images.pictureshunt.com image 356x474]

Fans of this proposal are lining up.


This looks 'shopped. Pixels, my day, etc.

Am I the only one who thinks it would be fun to be a gator? You'd be a Floridian, but you also get to eat them.
 
2013-02-08 11:25:14 PM

H31N0US: ...sunshine, beer, and water.


In this order: overrated, overrated (unless it's good like Abita, Guinness, and the like), and overrated.

/Lives in Louisiana
//Can we switch pla--
///Right. Jersey. Got it.
 
2013-02-08 11:31:27 PM

jotamono: I've yet to see an alligator be aggressive( I live in central florida), if the weather is nice enough for a jog, they tend to just lie there sunning themselves.


Maybe the people who see this are not around to report it.
 
2013-02-08 11:39:23 PM
75 miles through the Glades? You'd be dead of blood loss from the mosquitoes before the gators ever had a chance to get to you.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:03 PM
I haven't read the thread.  I read the lede in TFA.

A paved 75-mile path through the Everglades is being planned that would allow cyclists, joggers and pedestrians to encounter alligators without dodging automobiles.

That has to be the funniest lede ever.

In my daily life, I encounter automobiles and even the occasional iguana (from which I run screaming).  But a plan to let human beans jog among alligators...


"Maureen Boness, a coalition member, said the project would be done with great respect for the environment and would allow people to get close to the Everglades without harming it.

"There should be a way to experience the Everglades at a slow pace and not get their feet wet."
 That was a typo.  She meant "eat."  In the past tense.

Maureen Boness has an interesting name.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:56 PM
...and I know just the guy to lead the first group

www.trbimg.com
 
2013-02-08 11:43:00 PM

gja: People eat chicken wings, I eat people wings.

Pass the dipping sauce please!


Damn!

He's not even swallowing that.
Just sitting there with a smug look!

/would make for an interesting but dark caption contest/thread.
 
2013-02-08 11:44:16 PM
The local newspaper is called The Mullet Rapper?
 
2013-02-08 11:50:55 PM
Nothing subby. We already have Shark Valley.

www.hellomiami.com

You guys are pussies. Fark needs to lose the Florida tag.
 
2013-02-08 11:57:53 PM
We need to raise mountain lions and release them there they like to specifically target cyclists and joggers.
 
2013-02-09 12:00:14 AM
I think it's a good idea. Have bins at the trailheads full of snake-whacking sticks.
 
2013-02-09 12:03:46 AM

scruffynerfherder: The local newspaper is called The Mullet Rapper?


How did I miss that gem?    (The farker is correct; the local newspaper is called the Mullet Rapper.)  FFS!
 
2013-02-09 12:13:55 AM

Red Shirt Blues: H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.

Huh.....I grew up in Jersey. I was scuba diving today off Jupiter. I couldn't help but think of you poor basterds up there. It was 77 and sunny.


Jupiter, Florida◆Neptune, New Jersey
 
2013-02-09 12:22:43 AM

KidneyStone: Great idea!

Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.


Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignoranthopeful.
 
2013-02-09 12:26:54 AM
I was thing it gives the smuggler another, more environmentally frindly option In their ownage of Florida's law enforcement.
 
2013-02-09 12:44:51 AM

H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.


Moved from KC to Florida and then back to the Midwest ... a-farking-men
 
2013-02-09 12:45:54 AM
I can see it now "Come Jog, Walk, Run, or Bike our lovely 75 mile trail through the Everglades.  If the alligators don't get you, the pythons will, and then there is the elusive skunk apes that might try to mate with you as well.  Happy times, happy trails."
 
2013-02-09 01:07:17 AM
The specter of alligators stalking and eating people using this path is scary enough, but what should really worry people is the American crocodile which lives in the Everglades.  They're bigger, faster (they can run up to 35 mph), and more aggressive than gators and tend not to fear people as much.  Brain aneurisms are less terrifying.
 
2013-02-09 01:07:20 AM
Skink's gonna get pissed.
 
2013-02-09 01:19:44 AM

loonatic112358: So it's basically a buffet for the gators?

Now an elevated trail above the swamp, and possibly fenced in, and screened over might work


You sound like you don't get out much.
 
2013-02-09 01:39:09 AM
You go ahead. I'll follow in the car, with the windows up and the A/C on.
 
2013-02-09 01:47:09 AM

Kittahinaborx: I can see it now "Come Jog, Walk, Run, or Bike our lovely 75 mile trail through the Everglades.  If the alligators don't get you, the pythons will, and then there is the elusive skunk apes that might try to mate with you as well.  Happy times, happy trails."


The skunk ape bit reminds me of the troma movie Yeti:A Love Story
 
2013-02-09 02:02:05 AM
mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-02-09 02:37:54 AM

Third rate whore in Toronto: Oh sure, why don't we pave the whole farking Everglades.  We talk wildlife but do little to help them.  We've overrun the  Earth and still insist that Nature conform to our needs.  We pollute everything we touch and continue to do it. farking fracking and all that.  It will come to bite us in the ass, if not us than our children.


Welcome to my favorites list!
 
2013-02-09 03:17:34 AM
Wait, wait, wait...


Is this a fark Florida thread or fark cyclists thread?
 
2013-02-09 03:30:17 AM
KidneyStone

Great idea!

Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.


Not necessarily the gators, but the wild pigs, assorted poisonous snakes, clouds of mosquitoes and a host of nasty critters with things can make your life there pretty miserable. Plus, the heat and humidity is nasty.

The gators are a problem, especially since they banned hunting of them decades ago. Folks don't seem to realize that those big buggers can hide in the water and shoot out of it like lightening to get you. You can hold a gator's jaws closed easily, but if he latches onto you, they close with the force of several hundred pounds and can require a couple of big men to pry them open.

Gators don't kill nicely either. Large prey they'll grab, violently roll to break bones, toss the prey off it's feet and attempt to wrench a limb off. Then, they'll drag prey under water to drown. Once dead, they like to take it and poke it under a submerged tree or snag for a few days to kinda tenderize. Makes the meat easier to rip off.

The saw grasses are high and can hide a lot of nasty critters. Solid land can actually be a grass mat over mucky water. You need to know what you're doing in the Everglades.

A walking or bike trail through the place better have guard rails and resting spots.

Considering the fact that Florida is still closing some schools due to lack of funding, that 5 million could be better spent.

I live in Florida and I've been around the swamps and Everglades for decades and no matter what you see on TV, they're dangerous. Try visiting them in 90 degree temperatures with 85% humidity.

Then there will always be the idiot who just has to go off the trail to explore and they'll find his chewed up remains days later. Then the lawyers will get involved.

Don't like the deep swamps. Never have.

Especially now since morons have made sure the Glades is loaded with Pythons.
 
2013-02-09 03:44:24 AM
As a runner, I can't imagine anything more delightful than a route through a swamp, complete with gators, insects, and venomous snakes. Not to mention the heat and humidity.
 
2013-02-09 04:07:54 AM
I take it they will forego the Don't Feed the Aliigators signs.
 
2013-02-09 04:36:50 AM
why would you WANT to SEE an ALLIGATOR?!  what part of "eat you whole" don't you understand
 
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