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(Sun Sentinel)   Officials want to build a 75-mile path through the Everglades so that joggers and cyclists can have easy access to the wildlife without having to use their cars. What could go wrong?   (sun-sentinel.com) divider line 121
    More: Florida, Everglades, Florida Department of Transportation, accessibilities, Everglades National Park, ring roads, black bears, tailpipes, Collier County  
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7338 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2013 at 8:30 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



121 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2013-02-08 08:19:00 PM  
So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?
 
2013-02-08 08:31:42 PM  

Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?


Oh, stop it. The path is supposed to parallel the Tamiami Trail (U.S. 41) where it runs across the Everglades. If you've ever been there (I've lived near both ends of the affected area), you would know the path is not a bad idea. It would certainly be safer than walking or biking along the shoulder of U.S. 41. As for destroying wildlife... give me a f*cking break. Everything that is done in that area these days takes the wildlife and the ecosystem into consideration. A 14-foot wide path isn't going to be allowed to "destroy wildlife." Why don't you go down there and take a look at it for yourself?

I think it's a great idea. I would love to hike that path when they get it done.
 
2013-02-08 08:32:56 PM  
images.pictureshunt.com

Fans of this proposal are lining up.
 
2013-02-08 08:34:11 PM  
Sounds cool actually..  I don't see a problem with that
 
2013-02-08 08:34:34 PM  
Great idea!

Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.
 
2013-02-08 08:35:15 PM  
It'll be like an alligator all-you-can-eat buffet
 
2013-02-08 08:35:18 PM  
Abandon All Hope Trail

--have fun!--
 
2013-02-08 08:37:05 PM  
Officials want to build a 75-mile path through the Everglades so that joggers and cyclists wildlife can have easy access to the wildlife joggers and cyclists without having to use chew through their cars. What could go wrong?

FTFY

/those evil crocks ate my little dog while we were jogging through the Everglades in 3...2...1...
 
2013-02-08 08:39:46 PM  

Fark Me To Tears: Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?

Oh, stop it. The path is supposed to parallel the Tamiami Trail (U.S. 41) where it runs across the Everglades. If you've ever been there (I've lived near both ends of the affected area), you would know the path is not a bad idea. It would certainly be safer than walking or biking along the shoulder of U.S. 41. As for destroying wildlife... give me a f*cking break. Everything that is done in that area these days takes the wildlife and the ecosystem into consideration. A 14-foot wide path isn't going to be allowed to "destroy wildlife." Why don't you go down there and take a look at it for yourself?

I think it's a great idea. I would love to hike that path when they get it done.


Orly?

Well, give the gators a pat on the noggin for me. I'll be over here; enjoying full use of all my limbs.
 
2013-02-08 08:40:31 PM  

Fark Me To Tears: Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?

Oh, stop it. The path is supposed to parallel the Tamiami Trail (U.S. 41) where it runs across the Everglades. If you've ever been there (I've lived near both ends of the affected area), you would know the path is not a bad idea. It would certainly be safer than walking or biking along the shoulder of U.S. 41. As for destroying wildlife... give me a f*cking break. Everything that is done in that area these days takes the wildlife and the ecosystem into consideration. A 14-foot wide path isn't going to be allowed to "destroy wildlife." Why don't you go down there and take a look at it for yourself?

I think it's a great idea. I would love to hike that path when they get it done.


This.....nothing to add
 
2013-02-08 08:40:48 PM  
a57.foxnews.com
BRING IT.
 
2013-02-08 08:41:10 PM  
When the boy scouts do those full-distance hikes, I hope somebody will teach them to put an open lasso around the perimiter of their sleeping bags!
 
2013-02-08 08:41:40 PM  
i1126.photobucket.com

"This is the Everglades. Carnivores hunt in the Everglades. Do you want to set up a hiking trail or a buffet?"
 
2013-02-08 08:43:38 PM  
Definitely more vice-versa I think

(also the whole "destruction" thing)
 
2013-02-08 08:43:59 PM  
This path would make a big, ideal basking spot for gators, water moccasins, pythons, etc.  They may even dig under it to incubate their eggs.  Their populations will rise.  Populations of bikers and joggers will decrease.

Nope, don't see any problems.
 
2013-02-08 08:44:16 PM  
I just want to stand on the trail, waiting for a bicyclist to come near so I can push them into a group of alligators.

/I wanna do bad things with you.
 
2013-02-08 08:46:54 PM  
Nothing. Natural selection
 
2013-02-08 08:47:37 PM  
Oh noezzz! That jogger just pushed her babby stroller off of the boardwalk onto that gator!
 
2013-02-08 08:47:59 PM  
Grampa could hunt anaconda from his hoverround.  He would love that.  Oh wait, it doesn't go 75 miles on a charge?  OOOPS
 
2013-02-08 08:48:15 PM  
So... has anyone mentioned the hungry alligators in the Everglades yet?
 
2013-02-08 08:50:38 PM  
dnrtfa,
But if they were to build it attached to the current highway, it would make an awesome secret widening of the highway and fark the joggers and bi cyclists.
 
2013-02-08 08:50:47 PM  
Ahh..... a python pathhh, perffecthhh
 
2013-02-08 08:51:09 PM  
Brazos Bend Park in Texas must be a death trap. Gators right off the path, poisonous snakes are there. Errr actually it is a pretty cool place to jog.
 
2013-02-08 08:51:09 PM  
Palmetto Bug Parkway
 
2013-02-08 08:52:20 PM  
healthsaveblog.com
 
2013-02-08 08:52:35 PM  
Story to the left, farkers who have never been to the glades to the right.
 
2013-02-08 08:53:05 PM  
Next headline:

Bottles of free water laced with Rohypnol at the halfway mark of Tamiami Trail cause tragedy for some, full bellies for others.
 
2013-02-08 08:53:25 PM  
Repaired Headline: Officials want to build a 75-mile path through the Everglades so that alligators and other wildlife will have convenient access to joggers and cyclists who are not in their cars.
 
2013-02-08 08:55:23 PM  
I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.
 
2013-02-08 08:56:44 PM  
Sounds awesome, I can't wait!  I hope subby knows that there are already paths all over the Everglades...like..in Everglades National Park.
 
2013-02-08 08:57:38 PM  

H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.


Huh.....I grew up in Jersey. I was scuba diving today off Jupiter. I couldn't help but think of you poor basterds up there. It was 77 and sunny.
 
2013-02-08 08:58:25 PM  
gi172.photobucket.com
 
2013-02-08 08:58:59 PM  
Don't they have Panthers in Florida still?  I'd be ok with a few Florida retirees feeding an endangered species.
 
2013-02-08 08:59:05 PM  
A chomp and hobo goin' buckwild
 
2013-02-08 08:59:16 PM  
Them gators gotta eat sumthin'
 
2013-02-08 08:59:25 PM  
So it's basically a buffet for the gators?

Now an elevated trail above the swamp, and possibly fenced in, and screened over might work
 
2013-02-08 09:00:08 PM  

sandbar67: It'll be like an alligator all-you-can-eat buffet


I'm gonna push you in the swamp for beating me to that
 
2013-02-08 09:02:50 PM  
This smells like a disguised P3 plan.

Step 1: Convince state/federal agencies to build expensive and controversial project
Step 2: After project is built, convince voters that the project is beyond scope of gov't and should be privatized
Step 3: Profit!!
 
2013-02-08 09:07:23 PM  

H31N0US: Story to the left, farkers who have never been to the glades to the right.


To be fair, if this had been a story about, I dunno, a second Appalachian Trail, we'd be posting pictures of bears. And hillbillies with banjos. But mostly bears.
 
2013-02-08 09:07:25 PM  
OH HAI

www.bhphotovideo.com

i can haz jogger?
 
2013-02-08 09:07:38 PM  
kidneystone,
Great idea!
Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.


I swear I saw a female park ranger (she was on the short side of five feet) say in a tv interview she was being stalked by a gator.

The gator was being aspirational.
 
2013-02-08 09:08:40 PM  
The alligators will be wiped out by gun-toting rednecks "standing their ground".
 
2013-02-08 09:09:30 PM  
Bi-cycle-lers and hippies only. Oh, Sweet Deity, please let it be true. Send them all "through."
 
2013-02-08 09:10:05 PM  

loonatic112358: So it's basically a buffet for the gators?

Now an elevated trail above the swamp, and possibly fenced in, and screened over might work


Nooo!

Don't ruin our fun.  We want the trail low, close to the water and no rails at all.  How else are they going to enjoy the wildlife species of the Everglades?  We don't want any jogger or cyclist not to able to see their favorite animals up close.  Especially if they are PETA members.

For extra thrill send the cyclist in opposite direction as the joggers.
 
2013-02-08 09:10:19 PM  
Cyclists = Meals On Wheels.
 
2013-02-08 09:14:58 PM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: [images.pictureshunt.com image 356x474]

Fans of this proposal are lining up.


Gulp!
 
2013-02-08 09:16:43 PM  
Mmmm... delicious SnoBirds.
 
2013-02-08 09:22:23 PM  
Whoa, what the fark is this new text editor on Fark?

Oh, and hippy enviro-nuts can now recycle themselves into the ecosystem via the predator of their choice. Awesome!
 
gja
2013-02-08 09:26:38 PM  
www.doncaprio.com

People eat chicken wings, I eat people wings.

Pass the dipping sauce please!
 
2013-02-08 09:29:00 PM  

lack of warmth: loonatic112358: So it's basically a buffet for the gators?

Now an elevated trail above the swamp, and possibly fenced in, and screened over might work

Nooo!

Don't ruin our fun.  We want the trail low, close to the water and no rails at all.  How else are they going to enjoy the wildlife species of the Everglades?  We don't want any jogger or cyclist not to able to see their favorite animals up close.  Especially if they are PETA members.

For extra thrill send the cyclist in opposite direction as the joggers.


I was thinking of keeping the wildlife safe from tourists, I don't want them getting fat from eating too much rich food

/probably spoils the taste of gator
 
2013-02-08 09:29:43 PM  
Gators are just something we Floridians (FloriDuh-uns)live with. Play a round of golf, guess what? There's a gator swimming across the lake. Maybe sunning itself on the bank. I'm not one of those "hold my beer, watch this!" idiots, but it's a damned alligator. It's like being scared to go in the ocean because OMG A shark is gonna eat me!!! How many of you are scared of toasters or airplanes?
 
IP
2013-02-08 09:37:31 PM  
Dinocroc thinks this is an outstanding play...
 
2013-02-08 09:39:28 PM  
Does anybody remember ValuJet (which is now AirTran)?
 
2013-02-08 09:43:51 PM  
Where do I go to complain about the fact that the damn 'unlikely teamups from you childhood' thing seems to be repeating all over the place, and in every tab, and in that new format where there's no commenting about 'sponsored featured partners' or whatever?

Just wondering.
 
2013-02-08 09:46:14 PM  
And yet "frakking" which happens how many hundreds of feet below the earth and doesn't get in anyone's way, is a subject of debate. It's almost like the environuts hate corporations or something.
 
2013-02-08 09:47:57 PM  

BarkingUnicorn: This path would make a big, ideal basking spot for gators, water moccasins, pythons, etc.  They may even dig under it to incubate their eggs.  Their populations will rise.  Populations of bikers and joggers will decrease.

Nope, don't see any problems.


Sure, but it'll be comedy gold.

Idiot cyclists running them over with their bikes and getting farked up.

Joggers getting chased by female gators protecting the nest.

I can't wait.
 
2013-02-08 09:54:17 PM  

drewbob21: Don't they have Panthers in Florida still?  I'd be ok with a few Florida retirees feeding an endangered species.


 Nah, nothing to worry about. They'll be sending in teams ahead of time to shoot all the panthers so the construction crews will be safe.
 
2013-02-08 09:56:55 PM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: [images.pictureshunt.com image 356x474]

Fans of this proposal are lining up.



imageshack.us
 
2013-02-08 09:59:45 PM  
How long would it take a 20 foot gator to be conditioned to attack anything in spandex, jogging or cycling?  Set up webcams with color commentary, "...and the gator has just latched on to slim jim and the twins so I don't think contestant number 7 is going anywhere other than down Mr. Toothy's throat."
 
2013-02-08 10:07:49 PM  
Pythons will be a bigger issue for Glades joggers/bikers.  Pythons are eating Gators....they will eat jogger and bikers, too.

Some wild animals be getting full bellies
 
2013-02-08 10:08:39 PM  
wolvesonceroamed.files.wordpress.com

And don't forget these little wonders.
 
2013-02-08 10:10:24 PM  

Fark Me To Tears: Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?

Oh, stop it. The path is supposed to parallel the Tamiami Trail (U.S. 41) where it runs across the Everglades. If you've ever been there (I've lived near both ends of the affected area), you would know the path is not a bad idea. It would certainly be safer than walking or biking along the shoulder of U.S. 41. As for destroying wildlife... give me a f*cking break. Everything that is done in that area these days takes the wildlife and the ecosystem into consideration. A 14-foot wide path isn't going to be allowed to "destroy wildlife." Why don't you go down there and take a look at it for yourself?

I think it's a great idea. I would love to hike that path when they get it done.


You need to stop it with all the crazy common sense talk!
Who do you think you are trying to curtail ranting, critical and half-brain comments?
Shame, shame on you.
 
2013-02-08 10:16:24 PM  
Gators usually aren't aggressive towards humans so it shouldn't be a problem. I've been within a few feet of them many times while kayaking and they really could give a shiat that you're there. I've also walked by them near lakes and they just scurry away when you get close. Typically only if fed do they come up to people looking for food.
 
2013-02-08 10:17:37 PM  
took an rv down there and to the keys.
mosquitoes are so bad in the park you couldn't step outside.
maybe wrong time of the year or something, but it was actually unbearable.
 
2013-02-08 10:24:08 PM  
I've yet to see an alligator be aggressive( I live in central florida), if the weather is nice enough for a jog, they tend to just lie there sunning themselves.
 
2013-02-08 10:25:38 PM  

Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS!?


Not much point in preserving wilderness that nobody's using.

That said I'm usually opposed to paving. 75 miles of single track. That would be nice...
 
2013-02-08 10:52:17 PM  

MayoSlather: Gators usually aren't aggressive towards humans so it shouldn't be a problem. I've been within a few feet of them many times while kayaking and they really could give a shiat that you're there. I've also walked by them near lakes and they just scurry away when you get close. Typically only if fed do they come up to people looking for food.


Gee, I just can't imagine some idiot tourist wanting to feed the wildlife out there for a Facebook photo op.
 
2013-02-08 11:02:49 PM  
Oh sure, why don't we pave the whole farking Everglades.  We talk wildlife but do little to help them.  We've overrun the  Earth and still insist that Nature conform to our needs.  We pollute everything we touch and continue to do it. farking fracking and all that.  It will come to bite us in the ass, if not us than our children.
 
2013-02-08 11:06:57 PM  

H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.


I've been to FLA. I farking love it. I too am sitting here in Action Park country freezing my nuggies off. Please let me know when the wife pisses you off royally, I'll split the cost of gas. My wife wouldn't realize I'm gone until there's no dinner on the table for a few weeks.

My brother (bachelor pro musician) lived in FLA 10 years. Went fishing every farking day. Dammit I want that life.
 
NFA [TotalFark]
2013-02-08 11:09:14 PM  

Zombie DJ: So....destroying wildlife to see it.


Someone will have to be paid to build the road/trail.  Cash will change hands before the contract is awarded.
 
2013-02-08 11:09:24 PM  
Make sure to put up signs not to hunt the alligators and pythons...
 
2013-02-08 11:18:50 PM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Agent Smiths Laugh: [images.pictureshunt.com image 356x474]

Fans of this proposal are lining up.


This looks 'shopped. Pixels, my day, etc.

Am I the only one who thinks it would be fun to be a gator? You'd be a Floridian, but you also get to eat them.
 
2013-02-08 11:25:14 PM  

H31N0US: ...sunshine, beer, and water.


In this order: overrated, overrated (unless it's good like Abita, Guinness, and the like), and overrated.

/Lives in Louisiana
//Can we switch pla--
///Right. Jersey. Got it.
 
2013-02-08 11:31:27 PM  

jotamono: I've yet to see an alligator be aggressive( I live in central florida), if the weather is nice enough for a jog, they tend to just lie there sunning themselves.


Maybe the people who see this are not around to report it.
 
2013-02-08 11:39:23 PM  
75 miles through the Glades? You'd be dead of blood loss from the mosquitoes before the gators ever had a chance to get to you.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:03 PM  
I haven't read the thread.  I read the lede in TFA.

A paved 75-mile path through the Everglades is being planned that would allow cyclists, joggers and pedestrians to encounter alligators without dodging automobiles.

That has to be the funniest lede ever.

In my daily life, I encounter automobiles and even the occasional iguana (from which I run screaming).  But a plan to let human beans jog among alligators...


"Maureen Boness, a coalition member, said the project would be done with great respect for the environment and would allow people to get close to the Everglades without harming it.

"There should be a way to experience the Everglades at a slow pace and not get their feet wet."
 That was a typo.  She meant "eat."  In the past tense.

Maureen Boness has an interesting name.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:56 PM  
...and I know just the guy to lead the first group

www.trbimg.com
 
2013-02-08 11:43:00 PM  

gja: People eat chicken wings, I eat people wings.

Pass the dipping sauce please!


Damn!

He's not even swallowing that.
Just sitting there with a smug look!

/would make for an interesting but dark caption contest/thread.
 
2013-02-08 11:44:16 PM  
The local newspaper is called The Mullet Rapper?
 
2013-02-08 11:50:55 PM  
Nothing subby. We already have Shark Valley.

www.hellomiami.com

You guys are pussies. Fark needs to lose the Florida tag.
 
2013-02-08 11:57:53 PM  
We need to raise mountain lions and release them there they like to specifically target cyclists and joggers.
 
2013-02-09 12:00:14 AM  
I think it's a good idea. Have bins at the trailheads full of snake-whacking sticks.
 
2013-02-09 12:03:46 AM  

scruffynerfherder: The local newspaper is called The Mullet Rapper?


How did I miss that gem?    (The farker is correct; the local newspaper is called the Mullet Rapper.)  FFS!
 
2013-02-09 12:13:55 AM  

Red Shirt Blues: H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.

Huh.....I grew up in Jersey. I was scuba diving today off Jupiter. I couldn't help but think of you poor basterds up there. It was 77 and sunny.


Jupiter, Florida◆Neptune, New Jersey
 
2013-02-09 12:22:43 AM  

KidneyStone: Great idea!

Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.


Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignoranthopeful.
 
2013-02-09 12:26:54 AM  
I was thing it gives the smuggler another, more environmentally frindly option In their ownage of Florida's law enforcement.
 
2013-02-09 12:44:51 AM  

H31N0US: I miss Florida. As I sit in North Jersey, chained to my well paying job (well actually my wife's job...I'd ditch mine in a heartbeat), snow falling...I long for a simpler life full od sunshine, beer, and water.


Moved from KC to Florida and then back to the Midwest ... a-farking-men
 
2013-02-09 12:45:54 AM  
I can see it now "Come Jog, Walk, Run, or Bike our lovely 75 mile trail through the Everglades.  If the alligators don't get you, the pythons will, and then there is the elusive skunk apes that might try to mate with you as well.  Happy times, happy trails."
 
2013-02-09 01:07:17 AM  
The specter of alligators stalking and eating people using this path is scary enough, but what should really worry people is the American crocodile which lives in the Everglades.  They're bigger, faster (they can run up to 35 mph), and more aggressive than gators and tend not to fear people as much.  Brain aneurisms are less terrifying.
 
2013-02-09 01:07:20 AM  
Skink's gonna get pissed.
 
2013-02-09 01:19:44 AM  

loonatic112358: So it's basically a buffet for the gators?

Now an elevated trail above the swamp, and possibly fenced in, and screened over might work


You sound like you don't get out much.
 
2013-02-09 01:39:09 AM  
You go ahead. I'll follow in the car, with the windows up and the A/C on.
 
2013-02-09 01:47:09 AM  

Kittahinaborx: I can see it now "Come Jog, Walk, Run, or Bike our lovely 75 mile trail through the Everglades.  If the alligators don't get you, the pythons will, and then there is the elusive skunk apes that might try to mate with you as well.  Happy times, happy trails."


The skunk ape bit reminds me of the troma movie Yeti:A Love Story
 
2013-02-09 02:02:05 AM  
mimg.ugo.com
 
2013-02-09 02:37:54 AM  

Third rate whore in Toronto: Oh sure, why don't we pave the whole farking Everglades.  We talk wildlife but do little to help them.  We've overrun the  Earth and still insist that Nature conform to our needs.  We pollute everything we touch and continue to do it. farking fracking and all that.  It will come to bite us in the ass, if not us than our children.


Welcome to my favorites list!
 
2013-02-09 03:17:34 AM  
Wait, wait, wait...


Is this a fark Florida thread or fark cyclists thread?
 
2013-02-09 03:30:17 AM  
KidneyStone

Great idea!

Anyone thinking OMFG GATORS WILL EAT YOU is simply ignorant.


Not necessarily the gators, but the wild pigs, assorted poisonous snakes, clouds of mosquitoes and a host of nasty critters with things can make your life there pretty miserable. Plus, the heat and humidity is nasty.

The gators are a problem, especially since they banned hunting of them decades ago. Folks don't seem to realize that those big buggers can hide in the water and shoot out of it like lightening to get you. You can hold a gator's jaws closed easily, but if he latches onto you, they close with the force of several hundred pounds and can require a couple of big men to pry them open.

Gators don't kill nicely either. Large prey they'll grab, violently roll to break bones, toss the prey off it's feet and attempt to wrench a limb off. Then, they'll drag prey under water to drown. Once dead, they like to take it and poke it under a submerged tree or snag for a few days to kinda tenderize. Makes the meat easier to rip off.

The saw grasses are high and can hide a lot of nasty critters. Solid land can actually be a grass mat over mucky water. You need to know what you're doing in the Everglades.

A walking or bike trail through the place better have guard rails and resting spots.

Considering the fact that Florida is still closing some schools due to lack of funding, that 5 million could be better spent.

I live in Florida and I've been around the swamps and Everglades for decades and no matter what you see on TV, they're dangerous. Try visiting them in 90 degree temperatures with 85% humidity.

Then there will always be the idiot who just has to go off the trail to explore and they'll find his chewed up remains days later. Then the lawyers will get involved.

Don't like the deep swamps. Never have.

Especially now since morons have made sure the Glades is loaded with Pythons.
 
2013-02-09 03:44:24 AM  
As a runner, I can't imagine anything more delightful than a route through a swamp, complete with gators, insects, and venomous snakes. Not to mention the heat and humidity.
 
2013-02-09 04:07:54 AM  
I take it they will forego the Don't Feed the Aliigators signs.
 
2013-02-09 04:36:50 AM  
why would you WANT to SEE an ALLIGATOR?!  what part of "eat you whole" don't you understand
 
2013-02-09 06:07:45 AM  
Mom had this as a bumper sticker when I was growing up, we commuted quite a bit between Sarasota and the Keys.
rlv.zcache.com

//Most gators seen at rest stops were too lazy to bother with us, or busy sunning.
 
2013-02-09 06:09:45 AM  

blockhouse: The specter of alligators stalking and eating people using this path is scary enough, but what should really worry people is the American crocodile which lives in the Everglades.  They're bigger, faster (they can run up to 35 mph), and more aggressive than gators and tend not to fear people as much.  Brain aneurisms are less terrifying.


Except that they're mostly concentrated on the west coast, are pretty rare and can only hold that 35 mph thing for about 15 feet.
 
2013-02-09 07:24:12 AM  
How about the obvious question, why the fark do you really need a path through a wild preserve? To ride your bike? Leave it alone.
 
2013-02-09 07:32:30 AM  

DO NOT WANT Poster Girl: How about the obvious question, why the fark do you really need a path through a wild preserve? To ride your bike? Leave it alone.


so people can ride their bikes there every day for 40 minutes and burn the required 100 calories needed to start out their work week
 
2013-02-09 08:56:39 AM  
Fark's reaction to anything non-supermarket:

Damn nature, you scary.
 
2013-02-09 08:59:35 AM  
The path, which would be 12 to 14 feet wide, would be available to cyclists, bird watchers, pedestrians, people in wheelchairs - but no motor vehicles. Also available to alligators, Burmese pythons, and maybe even a Florida panther.
 
2013-02-09 10:32:02 AM  

Jon iz teh kewl: why would you WANT to SEE an ALLIGATOR?!  what part of "eat you whole" don't you understand


Also, they were ancient when the DINOSAURS roamed the earth. These things know how to survive. I don't want to get close to that.
 
2013-02-09 10:46:30 AM  
Most of the Lance Armstrong wanna be cyclers don't use the paths.  They still ride on the road with the vehicles.  I guess its less "bumpy" or something.

Gators hate people and will stay away.  Bring your doggies.  Gators love doggies.
 
2013-02-09 12:13:49 PM  
The Alligator Alley Grand Prix?

/too obscure?
 
2013-02-09 12:24:11 PM  

kim jong-un: Fark's reaction to anything non-supermarket:

Damn nature, you scary.


Also the reaction to most things supermarket. Especially right before a snowstorm or major sporting event, or on Food Stamp Day.
 
2013-02-09 12:43:07 PM  
Sounds like a good idea.
www.sff.net

/boring-as-hell drive
 
2013-02-09 01:27:31 PM  

Ramen Pride!: Skink's gonna get pissed.


Damn skippy, I am.  Good thing I know how to set a road grader on fire.

*adjusts eyepatch*
 
2013-02-09 01:29:28 PM  
Actually, I thought they were talking about a new ROAD across the Glades.

Walking trail?  I am okay with this.
 
2013-02-09 01:36:39 PM  
Compared to, say, Floridians, gators and pythons are absolutely no threat whatsoever.
 
2013-02-09 01:41:05 PM  

NotARocketScientist: Officials want to build a 75-mile path through the Everglades so that joggers and cyclists wildlife can have easy access to the wildlife joggers and cyclists without having to use chew through their cars. What could go wrong?

FTFY2 ('cause of the multiplicative goodness)

/those evil crocks gators ate my little dog while we were jogging through the Everglades in 3...2...1...


Handle accurate..alt, troll, or not from the states? (Not accepting simple mistake as an answer)
 
2013-02-09 01:47:16 PM  
Early on in my Army sponsored visit to Florida, we had a family picnic at Fox Lake Park in Titusville. First clue was the alligator infestation  signs by the water. Then I saw a Dad and his older son paddling a canoe  with two little girls in between them. The alligators were all over! We finished our picnic with a pistol on the table.

Locals clued me in to not be such a nit wit later, but I freaked out a bit because I was thinking of the children  TM.
 
2013-02-09 02:09:48 PM  

TinyFist: Gators are just something we Floridians (FloriDuh-uns)live with. Play a round of golf, guess what? There's a gator swimming across the lake. Maybe sunning itself on the bank. I'm not one of those "hold my beer, watch this!" idiots, but it's a damned alligator. It's like being scared to go in the ocean because OMG A shark is gonna eat me!!! How many of you are scared of toasters or airplanes?


Hey, fear is what makes America great these days. If we aren't afraid then the terrorists have won.

wait. uh .. No, that's right. I got it right.
 
2013-02-09 04:04:06 PM  

NameDot: Handle accurate..alt, troll, or not from the states? (Not accepting simple mistake as an answer)


If you are a real Floridian, you should know there ARE crocs in the Everglades.
 
2013-02-09 04:42:31 PM  
Well, the worst that could go wrong is that one of the joggers could accidentally step off of the path and kill a moth or butterfly, and when he got back to Civilization, the whole history of the world could be changed and the wrong guy could be President. I read this short story about that, and I also saw the stupid B-movie.

But it's happened in Florida before.

Just ask people about the 2000 Presidential Election. Or the 2004 Election. Or the 2008 election .... As long as Floridians are allowed to vote, weird stupid shiat will happen.
 
2013-02-09 05:16:41 PM  

Madman drummers bummers: kim jong-un: Fark's reaction to anything non-supermarket:

Damn nature, you scary.

Also the reaction to most things supermarket. Especially right before a snowstorm or major sporting event, or on Food Stamp Day.


You go ahead and travel that path. My mom is from Florida, and the scariest thing she's ever seen here is a black widow spider, which she promptly smashed with a Kleenex. She was taken (unknowingly) gator-poaching when she was a teenager. When the canoe turned over, she told the genius who, thank Christ, didn't turn out to be my dad, "I hope you get your arm eaten."

Guess what? 2 years later. Arm torn off. The women in my family have a way of cursing people. I really believe that my dad is only alive because of a voodoo doll my mom has stashed somewhere, but she puts pins in it to give it colon problems and make his life miserable.
 
2013-02-09 10:29:58 PM  

skink: NameDot: Handle accurate..alt, troll, or not from the states? (Not accepting simple mistake as an answer)

If you are a real Floridian, you should know there ARE crocs in the Everglades.


read much?
 
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