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(Today)   Not being invited to a wedding is now a thing   (thelook.today.com) divider line 126
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15597 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2013 at 12:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-08 09:40:05 AM
One New Jersey bride informed second-tier friends they were on the wait list, and sure enough, when there were openings, they gladly accepted the full invite - but not without some blowback. "There was some resentment," said the bride, who preferred to go unnamed. "One still refers to himself as a 'B-list' friend."

That is completely and utterly insulting.  I have no problem with not being invited....it's their day not mine so I wouldn't get all butt-hurt about it.  But to call up people and say they are on the waiting list?  That's farked up.
 
2013-02-08 11:09:41 AM
Here's how I told people they weren't invited: I didn't send them an invitation with the details on where to go and when.

Srsly though, I don't have the problem of too many friends. The only people expecting an invite who didn't get one were the massive branches of extended family. We only had so much room at the venue, so if you we're not a direct descendant of a grandparent, you didn't get an invite. Seemed reasonable to me.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:00 AM

cannonman1863: The third was a Civil War themed wedding.


I cannot stop laughing.
 
2013-02-08 12:02:33 PM
See, reading crap like this makes me VERY happy that my now-husband and I went with a very simple wedding. We knew most of our friends and family were either in Louisiana (my side) or Los Angeles (his side) with a few in between. Hubby was going UTPB in odessa, Tx at the time so we got married there. The people that could show up did, the ones that couldn't understood but sent us either cards or well wishes. Hell, they understood: We were getting married in West Texas, so yeah, we didn't expect people to show. We ended up with less than 50 people at the wedding, we ate vegan cupcakes that mom made (and yes, they were good), ate mexican food, and got drunk at a bowling alley. It was fun, cheap, and no one was left out. We celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary in April. And we will more than likely get drunk and eat mexican food to celebrate our love.

Screw all these extreme weddings and the 'tudes that go with them.
 
2013-02-08 12:47:18 PM
I'm currently planning a wedding. Both sides of the family want us to invite people that we don't even really know that well. Like my mom, who's been retired for 3 years and moved out of state, wants to invite several of her old co-workers (and their spouses) to my wedding because their daughters all invited her to theirs (which I find rather suspect). On Future Mr Mouse's side his parents have recently become good friends with their daughter's in-laws and want us to invite them to the wedding. We've only met those people once and it was at... well... her wedding 3 years ago.

At least my parents are buying the food. I don't see why we need to invite his sister's in-laws though. But that's just me I guess...

/css
 
2013-02-08 12:49:18 PM

MadSkillz: Still that's not worse than when people discuss their get together / party plans while you're at the table with them and they don't invite you.

/hate that shiat.


I hated going home to visit my best friends/bandmates before my wedding. Every time we'd go out to the bar, we'd end up seeing people from high school that I had no intention of inviting to the wedding (we were keeping it small), yet the friends that WERE invited always had to bring up crap about the wedding. Supremely awkward.
 
2013-02-08 12:53:56 PM
As someone who got married in December and had people invite themselves, I'm getting a kick. We went to a small chapel that only holds about 10 people. Two members of the husbands family thoughy they would try and crash the ceremony. For their insolence I told them they weren't allowed to view the ceremony and weren't allowed to the reception either. Of course now I'm the rude sister-in-law.
 
2013-02-08 12:56:06 PM

006deluxe: I hated going home to visit my best friends/bandmates before my wedding. Every time we'd go out to the bar, we'd end up seeing people from high school that I had no intention of inviting to the wedding (we were keeping it small), yet the friends that WERE invited always had to bring up crap about the wedding. Supremely awkward.


I have a friend who's getting married around the same time I am. She's more of an aquaintance as we've known one another for less than a year but we seem each other monthly for a D&D session and perennial party and we know that we're not inviting one another to our respective weddings. What do we do when we see each other? "OMG! Can I see the picture of the dress?!" "Hey what kind of rates are you getting for your bar?" "I found the cutest wedding favor site, hold on and lemme text it to you."

We're basically planning our weddings together and have both made appointments to look them over via Facebook. I look forward to it and she gives me the impression she does too.
 
2013-02-08 12:57:42 PM

KatjaMouse: I'm currently planning a wedding. Both sides of the family want us to invite people that we don't even really know that well. Like my mom, who's been retired for 3 years and moved out of state, wants to invite several of her old co-workers (and their spouses) to my wedding because their daughters all invited her to theirs (which I find rather suspect). On Future Mr Mouse's side his parents have recently become good friends with their daughter's in-laws and want us to invite them to the wedding. We've only met those people once and it was at... well... her wedding 3 years ago.

At least my parents are buying the food. I don't see why we need to invite his sister's in-laws though. But that's just me I guess...

/css


Got married in October. My parents were very hands-off. They had some people that they would have liked to have invited had we had the space, but we didn't and they were cool with that. The wife took a slightly different approach; she gave her parents (who are separate) each a set allowance of people that they could invite at their discretion. It worked out pretty well other than the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time in the receiving line at your wedding and then realizing that they wrote you one hell of a check for a gift.
 
2013-02-08 01:19:10 PM
Oh for fark's sake.
 
2013-02-08 01:26:28 PM

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


I would have loved it had it been that easy, though we did do our best to create that sort of atmosphere. Wife has family in Delaware and NJ; my family is from Central PA with most of my best friends up in Northeast PA. Got married a little north of Philly. One of our priorities was to have everyone in the same place at the same time. Sort of a melding of the families at a huge party. Worked out great. Had BBQ for the food, all the beer/wine you could drink, and kept everyone dancing.

The one downside to actually having the reception instead of just going to a random bar was that we were on the hook for the drunk boyfriend that got upset that he thought his girlfriend (my best friend's little sister) took a cab back to the hotel without him and punched a hole in the brand new tile wall in the bathroom. I spent the time I was supposed to be drinking the rest of the beer with our friends cleaning up the blood trail that he left throughout the venue. Dude's in his 30's and didn't even have the balls to admit that he punched the wall. He kept telling me and the owner of the venue that he "fell".
 
2013-02-08 01:26:31 PM
Best wedding I ever went to I officiated, it was at a bar.  I gave a brief account of how the bride and groom met, chuckle chuckle, do take her? do you take him? everybody agrees... 6 minutes tops.  The bar owner was a friend of all involved and gave everybody (about 50 people) drinks.  Then we spent the next 8 hours getting shiattyfaced.  Why can't they all be like that?
 
2013-02-08 02:21:02 PM

Aquapope: Best wedding I ever went to I officiated, it was at a bar.  I gave a brief account of how the bride and groom met, chuckle chuckle, do take her? do you take him? everybody agrees... 6 minutes tops.  The bar owner was a friend of all involved and gave everybody (about 50 people) drinks.  Then we spent the next 8 hours getting shiattyfaced.  Why can't they all be like that?


because Mormons, Baptists and Jesus =/
 
2013-02-08 03:10:45 PM
I attended a very lovely ceremony that was all of thirty seconds long. Bride said her lines, groom said his, signed the paper and boom! Married.

Followed by an open bar and a shiat-ton of bbq.
 
2013-02-08 04:44:29 PM

Resident Muslim: Genevieve Marie: I can't imagine being angry not to be invited to someone's wedding, especially if it's not in the city where I live. We spent a lot of money we couldn't really spare to go to a destination wedding last year- and I would have really preferred to save the money and stay home.

Friends/relatives of the husband I'm guessing?


/not snark, just picking up keywords in your post


Friends of my boyfriend, yea. Honestly though- he's the one that really didn't want to go and was really bummed about how much we had to spend on it.
 
2013-02-08 04:53:13 PM
This is why I am engaged but never getting married.  Too much hassles and drama with the friends and family.
 
2013-02-08 05:29:18 PM
I'll laugh so much when the "LSD spiked punch" and "laxative brownies darken couple's wedding day" stories start coming in. Damn bouchedags deserve every smegma spackled petit four and dingleberry-chip cookie that makes it onto their reception dessert table.
 
kth
2013-02-08 05:32:17 PM
The only person I felt sort of bad about not inviting was my dad's cousin.  Despite knowing full well that she wasn't going to be invited, as closer relatives weren't invited, she still threw me a wedding shower and invited my entire family and all of the local friends she could track down, had everyone out to her gorgeous house and had a lovely caterer.

But if I invited her, the guest list would have to have been over 100 instead of 39.
 
2013-02-08 05:48:26 PM
This is something that wouldn't be necessary if most adults were capable of behaving like grownups.

Why do weddings make everybody act like such colossal assholes?
 
2013-02-08 05:50:35 PM

megalynn44: Here's how I told people they weren't invited: I didn't send them an invitation with the details on where to go and when.

Srsly though, I don't have the problem of too many friends. The only people expecting an invite who didn't get one were the massive branches of extended family. We only had so much room at the venue, so if you we're not a direct descendant of a grandparent, you didn't get an invite. Seemed reasonable to me.


Please stop making sense this instant. You're on Fark.
 
2013-02-08 06:08:42 PM
I don't fixate on which weddings I didn't get invited to, I'm not a 12-year-old girl.

If I ever got a "non-invitation," I'd wish them well and that's it. No gift.
 
2013-02-08 06:11:54 PM

Phins: This is breathtakingly rude. People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation. And it's equally rude to ask if you're invited. But I wonder if some people are getting questions from people asking about their invitations or assuming they're invited and don't have the guts to tell them personally that they're not on the list.

There's a problem that crops up frequently. The couple sends an invitation addressed to two people. The reply card comes back with 4 people attending. It's usually people who can't comprehend that their children aren't invited (and often refuse to attend unless the kids are invited).

When I was wedding planning and going on planning message boards, I found that a lot of people are doing things backward. They pick a reception venue, then they realize they can't invite many people either because the place is too small or it's too expensive.

I have professional event planning and experience and people have asked me for wedding planning advice. Then they tell me I'm wrong or they ignore what I tell them. It's why I won't do wedding planning. It's impossible to get some people to understand budgeting. I tell them it needs to be their first step: determine the total amount of money you have to spend. And they something like "I can't do that until I know how much things cost." Or "well, how much will it cost?" It can cost any amount you like. "No, how much does a regular wedding cost?" And then I strangle her.


Why am I not surprised by this.

People are goddam retards.
 
2013-02-08 07:21:17 PM
there's a This American Life for that

/bonus points: David Rakoff

Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace.
 
2013-02-08 10:06:05 PM

Phins: This is breathtakingly rude. People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation. And it's equally rude to ask if you're invited. But I wonder if some people are getting questions from people asking about their invitations or assuming they're invited and don't have the guts to tell them personally that they're not on the list.

There's a problem that crops up frequently. The couple sends an invitation addressed to two people. The reply card comes back with 4 people attending. It's usually people who can't comprehend that their children aren't invited (and often refuse to attend unless the kids are invited).

When I was wedding planning and going on planning message boards, I found that a lot of people are doing things backward. They pick a reception venue, then they realize they can't invite many people either because the place is too small or it's too expensive.

I have professional event planning and experience and people have asked me for wedding planning advice. Then they tell me I'm wrong or they ignore what I tell them. It's why I won't do wedding planning. It's impossible to get some people to understand budgeting. I tell them it needs to be their first step: determine the total amount of money you have to spend. And they something like "I can't do that until I know how much things cost." Or "well, how much will it cost?" It can cost any amount you like. "No, how much does a regular wedding cost?" And then I strangle her.


I'm going to weigh in from the other side.  It actually is hard to plan a wedding without knowing how much things normally cost.  Everything for a wedding is jacked up to about 3 times the price you'd expect (especially since most people are planning a wedding for the first time).  When I got married, I started out with an idea that a few thousand dollars should be plenty to have a nice ceremony and reception for close family and friends.  I planned to stick to that hard because I'm stubborn and what on earth would be worth spending more than that?

Working from that perspective, I spent months being frustrated when I found out that I *could* do it within that price point, if everyone met in my parents' backyard and I personally made the food and decorations and carted them down myself (which I physically couldn't do without quitting my job).  My caterer had your attitude and was very hard to work with.  It was much easier to work with people who would explain what was available and the various costs, let me go out and price shop and then decide what to make a priority before I made a final decision.  I did not go into debt for my wedding and there was still money left in my savings when it was over.  The "maximum amount I had to spend" far exceeded what I was willing to spend before I understood what I was buying.  It's not as stupid a question as it sounds.

As for the guest list, I was actually pretty ruthless (to my husband's frustration.  About 60% of the guests ended up being his.  I cut all but immediate family and really close friends) but I would never have dreamed of sending "you're not invited" announcements or having a planner call people.  Anyone I saw while planning the wedding (and honestly, anyone I didn't see at some point within that 15 months really didn't expect an invitation) was told that it was a small wedding and that I wished I could invite everyone but it was only going to be close friends and family.
 
2013-02-08 10:13:49 PM
As someone who's getting married next week, and didn't invite the grandparents, I'm getting a kick...

/csb
 
2013-02-09 10:15:51 PM
Has anyone gotten invited to the new "Friday Afternoon Cash Grab" weddings that are new and growing in popularity?  Wedding is at 4:00 pm on Friday afternoon, in someplace FAR from everyone.  Unless you also wanna take a half day on Thursday, all of Friday and shell out for travel + accommodations, you don't go.  This keeps the guest acceptance list very small, and they register for $255 place settings and $100 stemware.  You don't go, so they 'invite' you to spend what you would have spent on travel etc., on their gift.
 
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