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(Today)   Not being invited to a wedding is now a thing   (thelook.today.com) divider line 126
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15601 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2013 at 12:15 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2013-02-08 01:18:54 AM  

la_cyberchicana: I got a non-invite last year -- from the sister of the bride, no less. I wasn't particularly close to the bride (she was a former co-worker whom I hadn't heard from in a few years), so I wasn't expecting an invite anyways, and until a mutual friend e-mailed me about the wedding, wasn't even aware she was marrying. And yet, her sister calls me to tell me I'm not invited, "... but if you want to participate in the wedding, you can still send a gift." fark that. The "non-invites" are just cash and swag grabs aimed at folks who as non-invitees are under no obligation to send a gift.


People who do that shiat will probably end up pimping their kids on Craigslist.
 
2013-02-08 01:19:42 AM  
So, there's not a thing about inviting people to the dinner, then more people to the dance party after ?
That's how it's been in the last 3-4 wedding i attended.
 
2013-02-08 01:20:35 AM  

yourmomlovestetris: Of course, being a schizoid homebound misanthrope makes me about as likely to find and land a husband as the Vikings are to win the Super Bowl, so the whole "who to invite to my wedding" issue has become largely moot.


Well, you are on Fark...
 
2013-02-08 01:22:44 AM  
I would have LOVED to receive one of these so I didn't have to blow two grand and a third of my annual leave flying from Alaska to farking Saginaw for three days.
 
2013-02-08 01:25:34 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: I think this non-invite thing arose because of pushy people who called saying, "I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail.  When and where is it?"  Rather than deal with those unpleasantries reactively, people are taking preemptive action.  It's about control - many brides want total control.


While I agree that some brides are extremely controlling, making your own guest list and not wanting uninvited guests showing up is pretty normal. I can't imagine anyone not wanting control of the guest list.
 
2013-02-08 01:26:13 AM  

Twitch Boy: I would have LOVED to receive one of these so I didn't have to blow two grand and a third of my annual leave flying from Alaska to farking Saginaw for three days.


Man, they must have had some heavy evidence on you.  Embezzlment?  Drugs?  Bestiality?
 
2013-02-08 01:27:11 AM  

12349876: HotWingAgenda: If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.

And how exactly are you supposed to do that?  Make the friends you do want to invite sign a contract saying they won't mention it to the friends who aren't invited?  Block your Facebook status update to certain friends?  Negotiate with the newspaper to "accidentally" not deliver the day's paper to certain friends?  Get the registry websites to block certain IP addresses of the friends you don't want to invite?


You completely ignored the rest of my post.
 
2013-02-08 01:30:25 AM  

Phins: BarkingUnicorn: I think this non-invite thing arose because of pushy people who called saying, "I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail.  When and where is it?"  Rather than deal with those unpleasantries reactively, people are taking preemptive action.  It's about control - many brides want total control.

While I agree that some brides are extremely controlling, making your own guest list and not wanting uninvited guests showing up is pretty normal. I can't imagine anyone not wanting control of the guest list.


That's why you hire security to check invitations at the door.  And yeah, if you announce your plans on Facebook, you really should do that!

But this non-invite thing is about controlling the disingenuous pushy type I mentioned.
 
2013-02-08 01:43:43 AM  
Still that's not worse than when people discuss their get together / party plans while you're at the table with them and they don't invite you.

/hate that shiat.
 
2013-02-08 01:52:21 AM  
Why would anyone assume they are invited to something they KNOW invitations are sent for and they did not receive one?

Also, why would you assume, I, as a potential offendee, would assume I was invited to a wedding I wasnt invited to?  that is very offensive to me, the person who probably wouldnt have noticed you even got married.
 
2013-02-08 01:55:54 AM  
Also, who in their right mind WANTS to go to a wedding.  Women married to women?
 
2013-02-08 02:05:31 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Did it. Invited everyone I knew, without paying a printer. It was fun.
 
2013-02-08 02:18:33 AM  
Most of the time, I don't really care if someone is getting married.  There have only been 3 in the past decade that I actually wanted to get to. 1 was my sisters,  had to be there.  Another was a cousin who got married Christmas Eve last year, used that as an excuse to get out of work early that day.  The third was a Civil War themed wedding.
 
2013-02-08 02:21:36 AM  
Or just don't invite them... who would want to go to a wedding they weren't invited to? Besides Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson
 
2013-02-08 02:22:31 AM  

Watubi: We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift


I wasn't invited to your wedding. Where is my farking BBQ?
 
2013-02-08 02:38:42 AM  
i.i.com.com
 
2013-02-08 02:43:44 AM  
I would prefer invitations like that.  Anyone who would send something like that somehow slipped past my 'low-class trash' filter.
 
2013-02-08 02:52:29 AM  
10 aunts and uncles on one side of the family.
8 aunts and uncles on the other.

we had the wedding here in Southern California so most of my family couldnt make it.

wife has 12 aunts and uncles total.

500 invites and only 100-ish people showed up.

oh oh best part? only about 50 rsvp-ed. it was a clusterfark.

fark weddings. if this doesnt work out ill never ever ever get married again. married 5 years and counting! I love her but fark her family!!!
 
2013-02-08 02:54:44 AM  

jayhawk88: How is it even possible, with multiple 24/7 news channels screaming "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" every 10 seconds, with a global information computer network seemingly dedicated to finding and discovering things in our life that are wrong, with 7 billion and counting obsessing over everything from global warming to school shootings to missing honeybees....with all this, we are STILL making up fake problems for ourselves.

It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.


images3.wikia.nocookie.net

?
 
2013-02-08 03:01:48 AM  
I wouldn't care if someone didn't invite me, but if someone specifically sent me and uninvitation, I'd be pissed as hell and unfriend them. Which I guess in the day of facebook doesn't mean very much, as I'd have to do that in rl since I don't use facebook, and no one cares what happens in the actual world anymore.

Also the strategies for getting on the guest list thingy confounds me. Who actually likes going to weddings? Aren't they boring as hell, even when people are drunk? I hear things occasionally about getting laid at weddings, but dear god, aren't there better ways to do that? I think of weddings as something I'm obligated to attend and pretend I don't hate to give people their special day, as opposed to something I'm desperately hoping to get invited to.
 
2013-02-08 03:17:42 AM  
Part of me thinks that if I was explicitly told NOT to show up, I'd make extra effort to be there.
 
2013-02-08 03:25:02 AM  
I would send a thank you note if i got one of these un-invitations.

But the whole practice of it is conceited and presumptuous. It is as if everybody feels that everybody else is dying to go to their wedding. When in fact, there are many people like me who cannot stand the entire thing.

I would even be satisfied going to the ceremony and not the reception. For me, it is the wedding vows that is the part I want to witness and be happy about, not whether I got some free fish, chicken or beef.
 
2013-02-08 03:26:07 AM  
courthouse marriage for me. it was fun - the vows were administered by a woman whose first language was not english so we were asked "have you ever been married in a previous life?" my wedding gift from the county was a bag which included a small box of laundry detergent and diaper coupons.

several weeks later we had an open house/reception and invited all our new neighbors - didn't get many gifts but made some long-term new friends

25 years and counting - and telling my mother on a friday i was getting married on monday still makes me smile

big weddings? pass
 
2013-02-08 03:31:25 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Isildur: WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"

Yeah, came here to post "Have a ceremony that's within your means and you can invite everyone whom it's appropriate to invite.".

Didn't people always used to tell friends and acquaintances they were getting married and only inviting family "and close friends"? The proper response was not to be insulted when that wasn't you.....or is that the new problem? Everyone now assumes that since Joanne has 793 friends on Facebook, when she announces her engagement, THEY are automatically one of her "close friends" and when they don't get an invite, they become mortally insulted?

Chalk up another issue on the "unintended consequences of social media" toteboard, I guess.



Perhaps, although it seems to me that formal contra-invitations would still be pointless. If someone's going to be miffed at not being invited (whether as a legitimate grievance, or if -- as you suggest -- because some people can't judge closeness of friendship beyond the binary friend/non-friend) their annoyance will hardly be assuaged by getting the message in writing. If anything, statements in hard writing have a way of sealing things in people's minds, which may not be a desirable property when the context that will be remembered is negative.

I'm skeptical that Facebook has really changed people's expectations of relationships to the extent you suggest, though. Any non-invitee so lacking in reflective ability as to fail to consider the fact that he or she couldn't invite all 793 of his or her own Facebook "friends" to his or her own wedding, is probably the kind of twit who would likely have taken insult even in the absence of Facebook's influence. Such easily-irked twits existed long before Facebook.
 
2013-02-08 03:56:35 AM  

Hagenhatesyouall: The financial consequences associated with a failed marriage don't warrant the risk.

You don't need to be married to have a physical relationship anymore.

You don't need to be married to have a kid anymore either.

Save your cash and quit falling for this achaic trap.



We paid $60 to elope in Las Vegas 7+ years ago.  We've saved much more than that in taxes since then.
 
2013-02-08 03:59:51 AM  
Everything associated with weddings except for Open Bars is annoying as shiat.

Registries
Tuxedo/Dress costs
Everything being "my perfect wedding"
the actual word, Bridezilla (the word is just biatch)
Not being able to hit on elderly relatives because its a "special day"
 
2013-02-08 04:06:14 AM  

fusillade762: jayhawk88: How is it even possible, with multiple 24/7 news channels screaming "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" every 10 seconds, with a global information computer network seemingly dedicated to finding and discovering things in our life that are wrong, with 7 billion and counting obsessing over everything from global warming to school shootings to missing honeybees....with all this, we are STILL making up fake problems for ourselves.

It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.

[images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 500x369]

?


The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...
...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."
 
2013-02-08 04:44:02 AM  
When I gave our son the names of folks I wanted to invite to his wedding, he responded with a quick reality check. 50 people, tops. Family only. There were a few hurt feelings and a particular 'friend' who was threatened with bodily harm if she crashed the ceremony -- but, for the most part, everyone understood. (and were probably relieved) With the bride and groom coming from divorced families, with step-everything -- close family ended up being a very large number.
 
2013-02-08 05:13:44 AM  
In wedding planning stages now and this is about the most ridiculous thing I've come across. We've prioritised expenses - food and booze (hog roast in the parking lot and wine provided by us) over venue (£280 for a 70s monstrosity of a village hall) and wedding dress (under £50), and are limiting it to 60 people. This means that some of the people in the village where my fiance is from and where we're getting married will not be able to come. This also means that a lot of our friends won't be able to come. We're currently thinking of having a sten do (that's a combined bachelor and bachelorette party for the non-Brits) after the wedding, so that our friends who couldn't come can celebrate our wedding with us and those who flew in from overseas can also join in additional partying fun should they so desire.
 
2013-02-08 05:49:04 AM  

danielscissorhands: Yay! My disdain for a large segment of the human race is justified once again.


As if you needed further proof.
 
2013-02-08 05:51:54 AM  
Never asume that one of your friends is invited to a party, just because you are.  I was invited to a birthday party for one of my friends a few years back, and assumed that my buddy was also, because we all know each other. So, I called him, thinking we could share a ride out there. He didn't know anything about it, and I quickly realized he was not invited. I never did find out why. Awkward.
 
2013-02-08 06:08:26 AM  
I refuse to attend weddings. I am opposed to the wedding-industrial complex. Mrs. PCoC is lucky I attended our wedding (in fairness it consisted of us, our parents, her sister, a public officiant, and a nice dinner for all afterward). I would be overjoyed to receive one of these. Actually, if there's a way I could get some kind of blanket immunity from ever being invited to weddings, that would be great.
 
2013-02-08 06:41:32 AM  
I was expecting a wedding crashers thread
 
2013-02-08 06:45:23 AM  
I would love to have gotten one of those. Weddings are horrendous.
 
2013-02-08 07:15:44 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Exactly.
 
2013-02-08 07:23:31 AM  

Watubi: We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift


Well, you should be really proud of yourself.
 
2013-02-08 07:41:16 AM  
A couple friends of mine (the groom was the younger brother of a high school/college buddy) got married two years ago. They had issues with a USPS facility in the county from where they mailed the invitations. It resulted in a problem where some people got their invitations within days, and others waited weeks. The mother of the groom was asking us if we'd received anything yet, as we were certainly invited; some just seemed to get lost in the mail.

When we finally got the invitations, there was a bit of ambiguity as to whether or not significant others were welcome. I guess you could say an invite is by default a non-invitation to anyone who isn't explicitly named, but as there were a few of us who were unsure, I asked the groom politely if he knew (part of it was that my best friend still hadn't received his, and wasn't sure if his fiancee was invited; if not, he wasn't going to travel and leave her home alone.) He deferred me to the bride (smart choice), who said it was sort of by design. With the size of the families involved, they were shooting for about 150-200 guests. That excluded a lot of significant others (including mine, whose name the groom didn't remember), so they were sort of on a B-list until they got some declines from the obligatory family invitations. The bride told me basically to write my lady in on the invite; she'd just be somewhere around 7th or 8th on the B-list. Within a couple weeks, she gave me the official thumbs-up.

If there hadn't been any ambiguity, I wouldn't have asked at all, and probably would have stayed home. Fortunately, our social circle is as it is.

As for the wedding? Let's just say the bride and groom must have consumed a case of Powerthirst in the hours before the nuptials, because they proved you really CAN win at weddings.

/actually, it's the reception that spills into the hotel bar and back into the hotel suites that wins
//many livers were sentenced to death that weekend
 
2013-02-08 07:48:03 AM  
If I ever get married again, it's going to be me, "him" (whoever he is), and whoever has to sign off on it.  I did the church-wedding-reception thing last time and although it was fun, it was a lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere.  I know many friends and family would be relieved to NOT be invited, especially to a second wedding.  But I would simply not send them invitations.  There's no reason to send un-vitations.

These younger couples think they are the center of the universe, and of course who WOULDN'T want to attend their wedding...so they think it's necessary to tell acquaintances they're not invited.  I'd be willing to bet you won't see many couples over the age of 30 (or planning their second+ wedding) who would send out something like that.
 
2013-02-08 07:49:26 AM  
 
2013-02-08 07:51:35 AM  

bsteiny: If I ever get married again, it's going to be me, "him" (whoever he is), and whoever has to sign off on it. I did the church-wedding-reception thing last time and although it was fun, it was a lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere.


Marry me.

I'm not a cheapskate my any means but I've been to more weddings than I care to remember and it just comes off as a "look at me!"  type thing. I was even at one without an open bar. Now that's just wrong.
 
2013-02-08 07:57:01 AM  
Came in for this: left disappointed.
 
2013-02-08 07:58:38 AM  
Hmph throw out my pic?  Try, try again!

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-08 08:01:52 AM  
Everyone is invited:

www.derekerdman.com
 
2013-02-08 08:33:00 AM  

Genevieve Marie: I can't imagine being angry not to be invited to someone's wedding, especially if it's not in the city where I live. We spent a lot of money we couldn't really spare to go to a destination wedding last year- and I would have really preferred to save the money and stay home.


Friends/relatives of the husband I'm guessing?


/not snark, just picking up keywords in your post
 
2013-02-08 08:43:57 AM  

12349876: HotWingAgenda: If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.

And how exactly are you supposed to do that?  Make the friends you do want to invite sign a contract saying they won't mention it to the friends who aren't invited?  Block your Facebook status update to certain friends?  Negotiate with the newspaper to "accidentally" not deliver the day's paper to certain friends?  Get the registry websites to block certain IP addresses of the friends you don't want to invite?


For real?
 
2013-02-08 08:57:14 AM  
The thing that really puzzled me was that the article was written from the viewpoint that people actually want to go to weddings.  The first one I ever went to was my own, have been to less than a dozen others, & would be perfectly happy not going to any ever again (not likely with 3 kids).  With my vast experience though I have to admit that tiny/quick ceremony & huge reception/party is the way to go*.  All of that of course is based on you & your friends having to live within a budget.  If everyone is independently wealthy then go crazy if you want.

/*My brother in law stumbled into the greatest reception of all time.  He rented a hall on an Air Force Base (pre 9/11, who knows if you can these days) & it turned out to be the day before a big air show.  There were a LOT of planes out there booming & zooming practicing for the show the next day.  Eventually 95% of the guests took chairs & the kegs outside, drank lots of beer & watched a 'private' air show.  The bride wasn't real happy but who cares, it's not like it's her day or anything...
 
2013-02-08 09:14:25 AM  

homelessdude: I would send a thank you note if i got one of these un-invitations.


Wouldn't that be a "No? Thank you!" card?
 
2013-02-08 09:17:21 AM  

Hagenhatesyouall: The financial consequences associated with a failed marriage don't warrant the risk.

You don't need to be married to have a physical relationship anymore.

You don't need to be married to have a kid anymore either.

Save your cash and quit falling for this achaic trap.


Sure, but marrying her means that when she comes to her senses, it's harder for her to get away from me.

I mean, it's a moving celebration of our love for each other.  Yeah, lets go with that - that sounds better.
 
kth
2013-02-08 09:29:36 AM  
We had a very small destination wedding (attached to my family's annual summer vacation).  Invited immediate family and three friends each (several of whom were in town anyway).  When asked, we said that we couldn't possibly ask them to spend that much money just to see us get married, and said that we were having a reception in my hometown if they were interested.

Also tried to say no gifts, and that didn't work, so we added a link to human rights campaign, which confused people, so we went with a small registry on Williams Sonoma, with nothing over $100 and an average price of $30. We got every single WS thing that was related to Star Wars.  SCORE.
 
2013-02-08 09:31:14 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Because it's not about you. If they can't afford to invite everyone they have to give up the kind of event they want?
 
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