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(Today)   Not being invited to a wedding is now a thing   ( thelook.today.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Emily Post, market trends  
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15628 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2013 at 12:15 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



126 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2013-02-07 11:10:48 PM  
The really good ones say, "You're not invited, but if you wish to send a gift..."
 
2013-02-07 11:49:18 PM  
What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"
 
2013-02-08 12:11:46 AM  
White People Problems.

And in other news:

msnbcmedia.msn.com

Anne Hathaway got married to Ryan Gosling?
 
2013-02-08 12:18:10 AM  
Nobody wants to go to your wedding anyways. Boats and ho's - rent em.
 
2013-02-08 12:18:53 AM  
A thing for idiots, yeah.
 
2013-02-08 12:20:08 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Yeah, came here to post "Have a ceremony that's within your means and you can invite everyone whom it's appropriate to invite.".
 
2013-02-08 12:20:35 AM  
I would be happy as hell to receive these. People invite me all the time and I have to find a way out without pissing them off. But when they divorce I start seeing them again and say "I told you so"
 
2013-02-08 12:24:09 AM  
OK here's the deal. You throw a party - food, liquor, maybe even entertainment. In return I'll bring a gift, even a gift you've yourself chosen. That's the deal.
 
2013-02-08 12:24:28 AM  
I can't imagine being angry not to be invited to someone's wedding, especially if it's not in the city where I live. We spent a lot of money we couldn't really spare to go to a destination wedding last year- and I would have really preferred to save the money and stay home.
 
2013-02-08 12:26:06 AM  
It is things like this, coupled with my first wedding experience, that makes me glad Ms Buzzcut v 2.0 wanted a simple affair announced at the last minute to a very few select people.

By few, I mean a couple to sign the witness lines on the certificate.
 
2013-02-08 12:27:10 AM  

Isildur: WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"

Yeah, came here to post "Have a ceremony that's within your means and you can invite everyone whom it's appropriate to invite.".


Didn't people always used to tell friends and acquaintances they were getting married and only inviting family "and close friends"? The proper response was not to be insulted when that wasn't you.....or is that the new problem? Everyone now assumes that since Joanne has 793 friends on Facebook, when she announces her engagement, THEY are automatically one of her "close friends" and when they don't get an invite, they become mortally insulted?

Chalk up another issue on the "unintended consequences of social media" toteboard, I guess.
 
2013-02-08 12:27:20 AM  
Weddings and funerals - I've got better things to do.
 
2013-02-08 12:28:07 AM  
You could do it the seinfeld way and get people their invitations the week before the ceremony.  It's an unvitation!
 
2013-02-08 12:33:49 AM  
Yay! My disdain for a large segment of the human race is justified once again.
 
2013-02-08 12:33:58 AM  
I was invited a wedding once, back in college.  I farked the bride during the reception and bragged about it.  Nobody ever bothered me with that shiat again.
 
2013-02-08 12:34:04 AM  
I wish every wedding invite I ever got and ever will get was a not-invite.
 
2013-02-08 12:34:06 AM  
Dear Abby:
I didn't get invited to thousands of weddings last weekend, but I also didn't get not-invited to the same thousand weddings.  How should I feel?  I did go to twenty of them and swiped some good loot and a few bottles of booze, though.
 
2013-02-08 12:35:06 AM  
I don't mind going to friend's weddings, but if one said "We don't want an expensive wedding with a lot of guests," I would be fine with sitting it out. It's not my wedding, after all, so why would I stress out about it?
 
2013-02-08 12:35:54 AM  
This is why we stuck with almost all family and a few very close friends.  After that the invitation list blows up.  That said, we didn't send "not invited" things.  If anyone asked we just said it was family only.
 
2013-02-08 12:36:06 AM  
www.bundyology.com
 
2013-02-08 12:36:46 AM  
How is it even possible, with multiple 24/7 news channels screaming "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" every 10 seconds, with a global information computer network seemingly dedicated to finding and discovering things in our life that are wrong, with 7 billion and counting obsessing over everything from global warming to school shootings to missing honeybees....with all this, we are STILL making up fake problems for ourselves.

It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.
 
2013-02-08 12:37:13 AM  
This is probably sent by brides who want the full princess treatment and this is a kind way to say 'you don't fit into my definition of princesshood...so kindly go fark off'
 
2013-02-08 12:38:25 AM  
It's one of the times being a schizoid homebound misanthrope really comes in handy. The number of people I know well enough to invite to a wedding is probably under 20.

Of course, being a schizoid homebound misanthrope makes me about as likely to find and land a husband as the Vikings are to win the Super Bowl, so the whole "who to invite to my wedding" issue has become largely moot.
 
2013-02-08 12:39:42 AM  
All I know is that CafeMom and eyeball-rolling go hand in hand for me.
 
2013-02-08 12:40:21 AM  
As a sufferer of pretty bad social anxiety, I'm alright with this.
Wedding invitations are the worst because you have so long to stew over it.
 
2013-02-08 12:41:04 AM  
So 12yo girls are wedding planners now?
 
2013-02-08 12:41:28 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: I was invited a wedding once, back in college.  I farked the bride during the reception and bragged about it.  Nobody ever bothered me with that shiat again.


One day I'm gon' marry a porn star
We'll have a big ass crib and a long yard
We'll have a mansion and some fly maids
Nothin' to hide, we both screwed the bridesmaid
 
2013-02-08 12:41:29 AM  
We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift
 
2013-02-08 12:42:53 AM  

Watubi: We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift


Hell, that was our reception.
 
2013-02-08 12:43:30 AM  
I don't give a fark if I'm invited to most people's weddings, and I have the common sense to know that not receiving an invitation means I'm not invited, but I would show up out of spite if someone explicitly informed me that I was not invited.
 
2013-02-08 12:43:53 AM  

jehovahs witness protection: ...but when they divorce I start seeing them again and say "I told you so"


So, you're exactly the same in real life. Noted.
 
2013-02-08 12:45:35 AM  

jayhawk88: It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.


i46.tinypic.com

/I know
//I know
///keep the monsters in their thread
 
2013-02-08 12:47:47 AM  
I am a-okay with not going to some idiotic wedding.
 
2013-02-08 12:49:59 AM  
CSB:
My fiancé got an invite to the wedding of a guy she went to grad school with. Apparently he had a huge thing for her to the point that he wrote her a bunch of shiatty love poems. He sent me the non-vite but included the info for his Amazon registry. My fiance politely declined. I sent his bride something similar to this:
www.trophystore.co.uk
 
2013-02-08 12:50:37 AM  
"social media serving as wedding announcements on steroids"

How 'bout you don't post time, date, and location on Facebook if you don't want a bunch of your "friends" to show up for the wedding?
 
2013-02-08 12:51:18 AM  
The financial consequences associated with a failed marriage don't warrant the risk.

You don't need to be married to have a physical relationship anymore.

You don't need to be married to have a kid anymore either.

Save your cash and quit falling for this achaic trap.
 
2013-02-08 12:53:32 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Two of my friends did similar, but she spread it out as a few weeks before the wedding a party with his friends and a party with her friends, and after the wedding a party for the family/friends of anyone who wanted to join them.  It was actually more fun than most wedding, and they even let us know to not get them a gift, but just have fun and tip your servers well.  The wedding itself was immediate family and a few like-family friends, and I heard it was great but I really didn't mind missing it.

They're both bartenders who are in college, there was no way they could afford a traditional wedding with as many friends as they have.  I'm surprised more couples don't do similar.
 
2013-02-08 12:54:56 AM  
This is breathtakingly rude. People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation. And it's equally rude to ask if you're invited. But I wonder if some people are getting questions from people asking about their invitations or assuming they're invited and don't have the guts to tell them personally that they're not on the list.

There's a problem that crops up frequently. The couple sends an invitation addressed to two people. The reply card comes back with 4 people attending. It's usually people who can't comprehend that their children aren't invited (and often refuse to attend unless the kids are invited).

When I was wedding planning and going on planning message boards, I found that a lot of people are doing things backward. They pick a reception venue, then they realize they can't invite many people either because the place is too small or it's too expensive.

I have professional event planning and experience and people have asked me for wedding planning advice. Then they tell me I'm wrong or they ignore what I tell them. It's why I won't do wedding planning. It's impossible to get some people to understand budgeting. I tell them it needs to be their first step: determine the total amount of money you have to spend. And they something like "I can't do that until I know how much things cost." Or "well, how much will it cost?" It can cost any amount you like. "No, how much does a regular wedding cost?" And then I strangle her.
 
2013-02-08 12:55:42 AM  
If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.  Unless they are so unhinged that they would stalk you, find out about the wedding, and crash it with a flamethrower.  If that is the case, you need a police restraining order, not an un-invitation.
 
2013-02-08 12:56:52 AM  

Phins: People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation.


This is an incorrect assumption far too many times these days.
 
2013-02-08 12:57:27 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: I was invited a wedding once, back in college.  I farked the bride during the reception and bragged about it.  Nobody ever bothered me with that shiat again.


You were invited to a wedding once, and never again, huh? You sound really popular.
 
2013-02-08 12:57:30 AM  
My friends showed up at the parking lot of the reception with a beer keg in the back of a pickup.
I went out and had a good time with them while all the guests (who jumped the food line while the pictures were being taken so that there was nothing left for the bride and groom) were drinking campaign.
 
2013-02-08 12:59:42 AM  
I think this non-invite thing arose because of pushy people who called saying, "I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail.  When and where is it?"  Rather than deal with those unpleasantries reactively, people are taking preemptive action.  It's about control - many brides want total control.
 
2013-02-08 01:00:10 AM  

Abox: I wish every wedding invite I ever got and ever will get was a not-invite.


But it is free food, free booze and free access to the girl/boy of your fancy that can't handle their booze, plus you get to dance to all those tunes you secretly sing to when nobody else is looking......all without consequence. All you have to do to gain entry is buy a toaster or some other piece of shiat the happy couple will pawn off in their divorce years ( if it makes the cut and isn't re-gifted). I say invite me to all the weddings you want, as long as there is an open bar.
 
2013-02-08 01:05:28 AM  

wademh: drinking campaign


That's your problem right there.
 
2013-02-08 01:05:44 AM  

NobleHam: I don't give a fark if I'm invited to most people's weddings, and I have the common sense to know that not receiving an invitation means I'm not invited, but I would show up out of spite if someone explicitly informed me that I was not invited.


Hell, I'd show up with fellow non-invitees in tow.

I got a non-invite last year -- from the sister of the bride, no less. I wasn't particularly close to the bride (she was a former co-worker whom I hadn't heard from in a few years), so I wasn't expecting an invite anyways, and until a mutual friend e-mailed me about the wedding, wasn't even aware she was marrying. And yet, her sister calls me to tell me I'm not invited, "... but if you want to participate in the wedding, you can still send a gift." fark that. The "non-invites" are just cash and swag grabs aimed at folks who as non-invitees are under no obligation to send a gift.
 
2013-02-08 01:09:19 AM  

la_cyberchicana: The "non-invites" are just cash and swag grabs aimed at folks who as non-invitees are under no obligation to send a gift.


Invitees are also under no obligation to send a gift.  I hate that people think that they should invite people for that reason.  The whole "cover your plate" thing is BS.  You invite people because you want them to be there, not to get a set of flatware.
 
2013-02-08 01:09:35 AM  

Mark Ratner: BarkingUnicorn: I was invited a wedding once, back in college.  I farked the bride during the reception and bragged about it.  Nobody ever bothered me with that shiat again.

You were invited to a wedding once, and never again, huh? You sound really popular.


I am.  Just not with people who get married.
 
2013-02-08 01:13:14 AM  
too many people between 24 - 27 suffer loss of weekends and spending loot due to dooshbag friends/relatives getting married. one of my nephews went to a 1/2 dozen weddings last year; most required travel, it kept him farking broke.

i especially enjoy office coonts who suddenly buddy up to the bride-to-be so they'll be invited. what pieces of shiat. they are almost as pathetic as office girls who invite the upper management dooshbags who could care less, trying to make an impression on them.

people suck. stay single & stay happy.
 
2013-02-08 01:15:39 AM  

HotWingAgenda: If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.


And how exactly are you supposed to do that?  Make the friends you do want to invite sign a contract saying they won't mention it to the friends who aren't invited?  Block your Facebook status update to certain friends?  Negotiate with the newspaper to "accidentally" not deliver the day's paper to certain friends?  Get the registry websites to block certain IP addresses of the friends you don't want to invite?
 
2013-02-08 01:18:54 AM  

la_cyberchicana: I got a non-invite last year -- from the sister of the bride, no less. I wasn't particularly close to the bride (she was a former co-worker whom I hadn't heard from in a few years), so I wasn't expecting an invite anyways, and until a mutual friend e-mailed me about the wedding, wasn't even aware she was marrying. And yet, her sister calls me to tell me I'm not invited, "... but if you want to participate in the wedding, you can still send a gift." fark that. The "non-invites" are just cash and swag grabs aimed at folks who as non-invitees are under no obligation to send a gift.


People who do that shiat will probably end up pimping their kids on Craigslist.
 
2013-02-08 01:19:42 AM  
So, there's not a thing about inviting people to the dinner, then more people to the dance party after ?
That's how it's been in the last 3-4 wedding i attended.
 
2013-02-08 01:20:35 AM  

yourmomlovestetris: Of course, being a schizoid homebound misanthrope makes me about as likely to find and land a husband as the Vikings are to win the Super Bowl, so the whole "who to invite to my wedding" issue has become largely moot.


Well, you are on Fark...
 
2013-02-08 01:22:44 AM  
I would have LOVED to receive one of these so I didn't have to blow two grand and a third of my annual leave flying from Alaska to farking Saginaw for three days.
 
2013-02-08 01:25:34 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: I think this non-invite thing arose because of pushy people who called saying, "I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail.  When and where is it?"  Rather than deal with those unpleasantries reactively, people are taking preemptive action.  It's about control - many brides want total control.


While I agree that some brides are extremely controlling, making your own guest list and not wanting uninvited guests showing up is pretty normal. I can't imagine anyone not wanting control of the guest list.
 
2013-02-08 01:26:13 AM  

Twitch Boy: I would have LOVED to receive one of these so I didn't have to blow two grand and a third of my annual leave flying from Alaska to farking Saginaw for three days.


Man, they must have had some heavy evidence on you.  Embezzlment?  Drugs?  Bestiality?
 
2013-02-08 01:27:11 AM  

12349876: HotWingAgenda: If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.

And how exactly are you supposed to do that?  Make the friends you do want to invite sign a contract saying they won't mention it to the friends who aren't invited?  Block your Facebook status update to certain friends?  Negotiate with the newspaper to "accidentally" not deliver the day's paper to certain friends?  Get the registry websites to block certain IP addresses of the friends you don't want to invite?


You completely ignored the rest of my post.
 
2013-02-08 01:30:25 AM  

Phins: BarkingUnicorn: I think this non-invite thing arose because of pushy people who called saying, "I'm sure my invitation was lost in the mail.  When and where is it?"  Rather than deal with those unpleasantries reactively, people are taking preemptive action.  It's about control - many brides want total control.

While I agree that some brides are extremely controlling, making your own guest list and not wanting uninvited guests showing up is pretty normal. I can't imagine anyone not wanting control of the guest list.


That's why you hire security to check invitations at the door.  And yeah, if you announce your plans on Facebook, you really should do that!

But this non-invite thing is about controlling the disingenuous pushy type I mentioned.
 
2013-02-08 01:43:43 AM  
Still that's not worse than when people discuss their get together / party plans while you're at the table with them and they don't invite you.

/hate that shiat.
 
2013-02-08 01:52:21 AM  
Why would anyone assume they are invited to something they KNOW invitations are sent for and they did not receive one?

Also, why would you assume, I, as a potential offendee, would assume I was invited to a wedding I wasnt invited to?  that is very offensive to me, the person who probably wouldnt have noticed you even got married.
 
2013-02-08 01:55:54 AM  
Also, who in their right mind WANTS to go to a wedding.  Women married to women?
 
2013-02-08 02:05:31 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Did it. Invited everyone I knew, without paying a printer. It was fun.
 
2013-02-08 02:18:33 AM  
Most of the time, I don't really care if someone is getting married.  There have only been 3 in the past decade that I actually wanted to get to. 1 was my sisters,  had to be there.  Another was a cousin who got married Christmas Eve last year, used that as an excuse to get out of work early that day.  The third was a Civil War themed wedding.
 
2013-02-08 02:21:36 AM  
Or just don't invite them... who would want to go to a wedding they weren't invited to? Besides Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson
 
2013-02-08 02:22:31 AM  

Watubi: We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift


I wasn't invited to your wedding. Where is my farking BBQ?
 
2013-02-08 02:38:42 AM  
i.i.com.com
 
2013-02-08 02:43:44 AM  
I would prefer invitations like that.  Anyone who would send something like that somehow slipped past my 'low-class trash' filter.
 
2013-02-08 02:52:29 AM  
10 aunts and uncles on one side of the family.
8 aunts and uncles on the other.

we had the wedding here in Southern California so most of my family couldnt make it.

wife has 12 aunts and uncles total.

500 invites and only 100-ish people showed up.

oh oh best part? only about 50 rsvp-ed. it was a clusterfark.

fark weddings. if this doesnt work out ill never ever ever get married again. married 5 years and counting! I love her but fark her family!!!
 
2013-02-08 02:54:44 AM  

jayhawk88: How is it even possible, with multiple 24/7 news channels screaming "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" every 10 seconds, with a global information computer network seemingly dedicated to finding and discovering things in our life that are wrong, with 7 billion and counting obsessing over everything from global warming to school shootings to missing honeybees....with all this, we are STILL making up fake problems for ourselves.

It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.


images3.wikia.nocookie.net

?
 
2013-02-08 03:01:48 AM  
I wouldn't care if someone didn't invite me, but if someone specifically sent me and uninvitation, I'd be pissed as hell and unfriend them. Which I guess in the day of facebook doesn't mean very much, as I'd have to do that in rl since I don't use facebook, and no one cares what happens in the actual world anymore.

Also the strategies for getting on the guest list thingy confounds me. Who actually likes going to weddings? Aren't they boring as hell, even when people are drunk? I hear things occasionally about getting laid at weddings, but dear god, aren't there better ways to do that? I think of weddings as something I'm obligated to attend and pretend I don't hate to give people their special day, as opposed to something I'm desperately hoping to get invited to.
 
2013-02-08 03:17:42 AM  
Part of me thinks that if I was explicitly told NOT to show up, I'd make extra effort to be there.
 
2013-02-08 03:25:02 AM  
I would send a thank you note if i got one of these un-invitations.

But the whole practice of it is conceited and presumptuous. It is as if everybody feels that everybody else is dying to go to their wedding. When in fact, there are many people like me who cannot stand the entire thing.

I would even be satisfied going to the ceremony and not the reception. For me, it is the wedding vows that is the part I want to witness and be happy about, not whether I got some free fish, chicken or beef.
 
2013-02-08 03:26:07 AM  
courthouse marriage for me. it was fun - the vows were administered by a woman whose first language was not english so we were asked "have you ever been married in a previous life?" my wedding gift from the county was a bag which included a small box of laundry detergent and diaper coupons.

several weeks later we had an open house/reception and invited all our new neighbors - didn't get many gifts but made some long-term new friends

25 years and counting - and telling my mother on a friday i was getting married on monday still makes me smile

big weddings? pass
 
2013-02-08 03:31:25 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Isildur: WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"

Yeah, came here to post "Have a ceremony that's within your means and you can invite everyone whom it's appropriate to invite.".

Didn't people always used to tell friends and acquaintances they were getting married and only inviting family "and close friends"? The proper response was not to be insulted when that wasn't you.....or is that the new problem? Everyone now assumes that since Joanne has 793 friends on Facebook, when she announces her engagement, THEY are automatically one of her "close friends" and when they don't get an invite, they become mortally insulted?

Chalk up another issue on the "unintended consequences of social media" toteboard, I guess.



Perhaps, although it seems to me that formal contra-invitations would still be pointless. If someone's going to be miffed at not being invited (whether as a legitimate grievance, or if -- as you suggest -- because some people can't judge closeness of friendship beyond the binary friend/non-friend) their annoyance will hardly be assuaged by getting the message in writing. If anything, statements in hard writing have a way of sealing things in people's minds, which may not be a desirable property when the context that will be remembered is negative.

I'm skeptical that Facebook has really changed people's expectations of relationships to the extent you suggest, though. Any non-invitee so lacking in reflective ability as to fail to consider the fact that he or she couldn't invite all 793 of his or her own Facebook "friends" to his or her own wedding, is probably the kind of twit who would likely have taken insult even in the absence of Facebook's influence. Such easily-irked twits existed long before Facebook.
 
2013-02-08 03:56:35 AM  

Hagenhatesyouall: The financial consequences associated with a failed marriage don't warrant the risk.

You don't need to be married to have a physical relationship anymore.

You don't need to be married to have a kid anymore either.

Save your cash and quit falling for this achaic trap.



We paid $60 to elope in Las Vegas 7+ years ago.  We've saved much more than that in taxes since then.
 
2013-02-08 03:59:51 AM  
Everything associated with weddings except for Open Bars is annoying as shiat.

Registries
Tuxedo/Dress costs
Everything being "my perfect wedding"
the actual word, Bridezilla (the word is just biatch)
Not being able to hit on elderly relatives because its a "special day"
 
2013-02-08 04:06:14 AM  

fusillade762: jayhawk88: How is it even possible, with multiple 24/7 news channels screaming "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE" every 10 seconds, with a global information computer network seemingly dedicated to finding and discovering things in our life that are wrong, with 7 billion and counting obsessing over everything from global warming to school shootings to missing honeybees....with all this, we are STILL making up fake problems for ourselves.

It's terrible of me to say, but we need a supervillain or a threat of an asteroid strike or a lava men uprising or something. Just to globally pull back the reigns a bit on stupid shiat.

[images3.wikia.nocookie.net image 500x369]

?


The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...
...and I'll look down, and whisper "no."
 
2013-02-08 04:44:02 AM  
When I gave our son the names of folks I wanted to invite to his wedding, he responded with a quick reality check. 50 people, tops. Family only. There were a few hurt feelings and a particular 'friend' who was threatened with bodily harm if she crashed the ceremony -- but, for the most part, everyone understood. (and were probably relieved) With the bride and groom coming from divorced families, with step-everything -- close family ended up being a very large number.
 
2013-02-08 05:13:44 AM  
In wedding planning stages now and this is about the most ridiculous thing I've come across. We've prioritised expenses - food and booze (hog roast in the parking lot and wine provided by us) over venue (£280 for a 70s monstrosity of a village hall) and wedding dress (under £50), and are limiting it to 60 people. This means that some of the people in the village where my fiance is from and where we're getting married will not be able to come. This also means that a lot of our friends won't be able to come. We're currently thinking of having a sten do (that's a combined bachelor and bachelorette party for the non-Brits) after the wedding, so that our friends who couldn't come can celebrate our wedding with us and those who flew in from overseas can also join in additional partying fun should they so desire.
 
2013-02-08 05:49:04 AM  

danielscissorhands: Yay! My disdain for a large segment of the human race is justified once again.


As if you needed further proof.
 
2013-02-08 05:51:54 AM  
Never asume that one of your friends is invited to a party, just because you are.  I was invited to a birthday party for one of my friends a few years back, and assumed that my buddy was also, because we all know each other. So, I called him, thinking we could share a ride out there. He didn't know anything about it, and I quickly realized he was not invited. I never did find out why. Awkward.
 
2013-02-08 06:08:26 AM  
I refuse to attend weddings. I am opposed to the wedding-industrial complex. Mrs. PCoC is lucky I attended our wedding (in fairness it consisted of us, our parents, her sister, a public officiant, and a nice dinner for all afterward). I would be overjoyed to receive one of these. Actually, if there's a way I could get some kind of blanket immunity from ever being invited to weddings, that would be great.
 
2013-02-08 06:41:32 AM  
I was expecting a wedding crashers thread
 
2013-02-08 06:45:23 AM  
I would love to have gotten one of those. Weddings are horrendous.
 
2013-02-08 07:15:44 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Exactly.
 
2013-02-08 07:23:31 AM  

Watubi: We just threw a BBQ for people who weren't invited to our small wedding.  Helluva lot cheaper and they still were compelled to buy us a gift


Well, you should be really proud of yourself.
 
2013-02-08 07:41:16 AM  
A couple friends of mine (the groom was the younger brother of a high school/college buddy) got married two years ago. They had issues with a USPS facility in the county from where they mailed the invitations. It resulted in a problem where some people got their invitations within days, and others waited weeks. The mother of the groom was asking us if we'd received anything yet, as we were certainly invited; some just seemed to get lost in the mail.

When we finally got the invitations, there was a bit of ambiguity as to whether or not significant others were welcome. I guess you could say an invite is by default a non-invitation to anyone who isn't explicitly named, but as there were a few of us who were unsure, I asked the groom politely if he knew (part of it was that my best friend still hadn't received his, and wasn't sure if his fiancee was invited; if not, he wasn't going to travel and leave her home alone.) He deferred me to the bride (smart choice), who said it was sort of by design. With the size of the families involved, they were shooting for about 150-200 guests. That excluded a lot of significant others (including mine, whose name the groom didn't remember), so they were sort of on a B-list until they got some declines from the obligatory family invitations. The bride told me basically to write my lady in on the invite; she'd just be somewhere around 7th or 8th on the B-list. Within a couple weeks, she gave me the official thumbs-up.

If there hadn't been any ambiguity, I wouldn't have asked at all, and probably would have stayed home. Fortunately, our social circle is as it is.

As for the wedding? Let's just say the bride and groom must have consumed a case of Powerthirst in the hours before the nuptials, because they proved you really CAN win at weddings.

/actually, it's the reception that spills into the hotel bar and back into the hotel suites that wins
//many livers were sentenced to death that weekend
 
2013-02-08 07:48:03 AM  
If I ever get married again, it's going to be me, "him" (whoever he is), and whoever has to sign off on it.  I did the church-wedding-reception thing last time and although it was fun, it was a lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere.  I know many friends and family would be relieved to NOT be invited, especially to a second wedding.  But I would simply not send them invitations.  There's no reason to send un-vitations.

These younger couples think they are the center of the universe, and of course who WOULDN'T want to attend their wedding...so they think it's necessary to tell acquaintances they're not invited.  I'd be willing to bet you won't see many couples over the age of 30 (or planning their second+ wedding) who would send out something like that.
 
2013-02-08 07:49:26 AM  
 
2013-02-08 07:51:35 AM  

bsteiny: If I ever get married again, it's going to be me, "him" (whoever he is), and whoever has to sign off on it. I did the church-wedding-reception thing last time and although it was fun, it was a lot of money that could be better spent elsewhere.


Marry me.

I'm not a cheapskate my any means but I've been to more weddings than I care to remember and it just comes off as a "look at me!"  type thing. I was even at one without an open bar. Now that's just wrong.
 
2013-02-08 07:57:01 AM  
Came in for this: left disappointed.
 
2013-02-08 07:58:38 AM  
Hmph throw out my pic?  Try, try again!

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-08 08:01:52 AM  
Everyone is invited:

www.derekerdman.com
 
2013-02-08 08:33:00 AM  

Genevieve Marie: I can't imagine being angry not to be invited to someone's wedding, especially if it's not in the city where I live. We spent a lot of money we couldn't really spare to go to a destination wedding last year- and I would have really preferred to save the money and stay home.


Friends/relatives of the husband I'm guessing?


/not snark, just picking up keywords in your post
 
2013-02-08 08:43:57 AM  

12349876: HotWingAgenda: If you don't want someone at your wedding, don't tell them you're getting married.

And how exactly are you supposed to do that?  Make the friends you do want to invite sign a contract saying they won't mention it to the friends who aren't invited?  Block your Facebook status update to certain friends?  Negotiate with the newspaper to "accidentally" not deliver the day's paper to certain friends?  Get the registry websites to block certain IP addresses of the friends you don't want to invite?


For real?
 
2013-02-08 08:57:14 AM  
The thing that really puzzled me was that the article was written from the viewpoint that people actually want to go to weddings.  The first one I ever went to was my own, have been to less than a dozen others, & would be perfectly happy not going to any ever again (not likely with 3 kids).  With my vast experience though I have to admit that tiny/quick ceremony & huge reception/party is the way to go*.  All of that of course is based on you & your friends having to live within a budget.  If everyone is independently wealthy then go crazy if you want.

/*My brother in law stumbled into the greatest reception of all time.  He rented a hall on an Air Force Base (pre 9/11, who knows if you can these days) & it turned out to be the day before a big air show.  There were a LOT of planes out there booming & zooming practicing for the show the next day.  Eventually 95% of the guests took chairs & the kegs outside, drank lots of beer & watched a 'private' air show.  The bride wasn't real happy but who cares, it's not like it's her day or anything...
 
2013-02-08 09:14:25 AM  

homelessdude: I would send a thank you note if i got one of these un-invitations.


Wouldn't that be a "No? Thank you!" card?
 
2013-02-08 09:17:21 AM  

Hagenhatesyouall: The financial consequences associated with a failed marriage don't warrant the risk.

You don't need to be married to have a physical relationship anymore.

You don't need to be married to have a kid anymore either.

Save your cash and quit falling for this achaic trap.


Sure, but marrying her means that when she comes to her senses, it's harder for her to get away from me.

I mean, it's a moving celebration of our love for each other.  Yeah, lets go with that - that sounds better.
 
kth
2013-02-08 09:29:36 AM  
We had a very small destination wedding (attached to my family's annual summer vacation).  Invited immediate family and three friends each (several of whom were in town anyway).  When asked, we said that we couldn't possibly ask them to spend that much money just to see us get married, and said that we were having a reception in my hometown if they were interested.

Also tried to say no gifts, and that didn't work, so we added a link to human rights campaign, which confused people, so we went with a small registry on Williams Sonoma, with nothing over $100 and an average price of $30. We got every single WS thing that was related to Star Wars.  SCORE.
 
2013-02-08 09:31:14 AM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


Because it's not about you. If they can't afford to invite everyone they have to give up the kind of event they want?
 
2013-02-08 09:40:05 AM  
One New Jersey bride informed second-tier friends they were on the wait list, and sure enough, when there were openings, they gladly accepted the full invite - but not without some blowback. "There was some resentment," said the bride, who preferred to go unnamed. "One still refers to himself as a 'B-list' friend."

That is completely and utterly insulting.  I have no problem with not being invited....it's their day not mine so I wouldn't get all butt-hurt about it.  But to call up people and say they are on the waiting list?  That's farked up.
 
2013-02-08 11:09:41 AM  
Here's how I told people they weren't invited: I didn't send them an invitation with the details on where to go and when.

Srsly though, I don't have the problem of too many friends. The only people expecting an invite who didn't get one were the massive branches of extended family. We only had so much room at the venue, so if you we're not a direct descendant of a grandparent, you didn't get an invite. Seemed reasonable to me.
 
2013-02-08 11:40:00 AM  

cannonman1863: The third was a Civil War themed wedding.


I cannot stop laughing.
 
2013-02-08 12:02:33 PM  
See, reading crap like this makes me VERY happy that my now-husband and I went with a very simple wedding. We knew most of our friends and family were either in Louisiana (my side) or Los Angeles (his side) with a few in between. Hubby was going UTPB in odessa, Tx at the time so we got married there. The people that could show up did, the ones that couldn't understood but sent us either cards or well wishes. Hell, they understood: We were getting married in West Texas, so yeah, we didn't expect people to show. We ended up with less than 50 people at the wedding, we ate vegan cupcakes that mom made (and yes, they were good), ate mexican food, and got drunk at a bowling alley. It was fun, cheap, and no one was left out. We celebrate our 2nd wedding anniversary in April. And we will more than likely get drunk and eat mexican food to celebrate our love.

Screw all these extreme weddings and the 'tudes that go with them.
 
2013-02-08 12:47:18 PM  
I'm currently planning a wedding. Both sides of the family want us to invite people that we don't even really know that well. Like my mom, who's been retired for 3 years and moved out of state, wants to invite several of her old co-workers (and their spouses) to my wedding because their daughters all invited her to theirs (which I find rather suspect). On Future Mr Mouse's side his parents have recently become good friends with their daughter's in-laws and want us to invite them to the wedding. We've only met those people once and it was at... well... her wedding 3 years ago.

At least my parents are buying the food. I don't see why we need to invite his sister's in-laws though. But that's just me I guess...

/css
 
2013-02-08 12:49:18 PM  

MadSkillz: Still that's not worse than when people discuss their get together / party plans while you're at the table with them and they don't invite you.

/hate that shiat.


I hated going home to visit my best friends/bandmates before my wedding. Every time we'd go out to the bar, we'd end up seeing people from high school that I had no intention of inviting to the wedding (we were keeping it small), yet the friends that WERE invited always had to bring up crap about the wedding. Supremely awkward.
 
2013-02-08 12:53:56 PM  
As someone who got married in December and had people invite themselves, I'm getting a kick. We went to a small chapel that only holds about 10 people. Two members of the husbands family thoughy they would try and crash the ceremony. For their insolence I told them they weren't allowed to view the ceremony and weren't allowed to the reception either. Of course now I'm the rude sister-in-law.
 
2013-02-08 12:56:06 PM  

006deluxe: I hated going home to visit my best friends/bandmates before my wedding. Every time we'd go out to the bar, we'd end up seeing people from high school that I had no intention of inviting to the wedding (we were keeping it small), yet the friends that WERE invited always had to bring up crap about the wedding. Supremely awkward.


I have a friend who's getting married around the same time I am. She's more of an aquaintance as we've known one another for less than a year but we seem each other monthly for a D&D session and perennial party and we know that we're not inviting one another to our respective weddings. What do we do when we see each other? "OMG! Can I see the picture of the dress?!" "Hey what kind of rates are you getting for your bar?" "I found the cutest wedding favor site, hold on and lemme text it to you."

We're basically planning our weddings together and have both made appointments to look them over via Facebook. I look forward to it and she gives me the impression she does too.
 
2013-02-08 12:57:42 PM  

KatjaMouse: I'm currently planning a wedding. Both sides of the family want us to invite people that we don't even really know that well. Like my mom, who's been retired for 3 years and moved out of state, wants to invite several of her old co-workers (and their spouses) to my wedding because their daughters all invited her to theirs (which I find rather suspect). On Future Mr Mouse's side his parents have recently become good friends with their daughter's in-laws and want us to invite them to the wedding. We've only met those people once and it was at... well... her wedding 3 years ago.

At least my parents are buying the food. I don't see why we need to invite his sister's in-laws though. But that's just me I guess...

/css


Got married in October. My parents were very hands-off. They had some people that they would have liked to have invited had we had the space, but we didn't and they were cool with that. The wife took a slightly different approach; she gave her parents (who are separate) each a set allowance of people that they could invite at their discretion. It worked out pretty well other than the awkwardness of meeting someone for the first time in the receiving line at your wedding and then realizing that they wrote you one hell of a check for a gift.
 
2013-02-08 01:19:10 PM  
Oh for fark's sake.
 
2013-02-08 01:26:28 PM  

WordyGrrl: What ever happened to saying "we can't afford a big fancy reception, so let's all meet up at some restaurant/bar and party?"


I would have loved it had it been that easy, though we did do our best to create that sort of atmosphere. Wife has family in Delaware and NJ; my family is from Central PA with most of my best friends up in Northeast PA. Got married a little north of Philly. One of our priorities was to have everyone in the same place at the same time. Sort of a melding of the families at a huge party. Worked out great. Had BBQ for the food, all the beer/wine you could drink, and kept everyone dancing.

The one downside to actually having the reception instead of just going to a random bar was that we were on the hook for the drunk boyfriend that got upset that he thought his girlfriend (my best friend's little sister) took a cab back to the hotel without him and punched a hole in the brand new tile wall in the bathroom. I spent the time I was supposed to be drinking the rest of the beer with our friends cleaning up the blood trail that he left throughout the venue. Dude's in his 30's and didn't even have the balls to admit that he punched the wall. He kept telling me and the owner of the venue that he "fell".
 
2013-02-08 01:26:31 PM  
Best wedding I ever went to I officiated, it was at a bar.  I gave a brief account of how the bride and groom met, chuckle chuckle, do take her? do you take him? everybody agrees... 6 minutes tops.  The bar owner was a friend of all involved and gave everybody (about 50 people) drinks.  Then we spent the next 8 hours getting shiattyfaced.  Why can't they all be like that?
 
2013-02-08 02:21:02 PM  

Aquapope: Best wedding I ever went to I officiated, it was at a bar.  I gave a brief account of how the bride and groom met, chuckle chuckle, do take her? do you take him? everybody agrees... 6 minutes tops.  The bar owner was a friend of all involved and gave everybody (about 50 people) drinks.  Then we spent the next 8 hours getting shiattyfaced.  Why can't they all be like that?


because Mormons, Baptists and Jesus =/
 
2013-02-08 03:10:45 PM  
I attended a very lovely ceremony that was all of thirty seconds long. Bride said her lines, groom said his, signed the paper and boom! Married.

Followed by an open bar and a shiat-ton of bbq.
 
2013-02-08 04:44:29 PM  

Resident Muslim: Genevieve Marie: I can't imagine being angry not to be invited to someone's wedding, especially if it's not in the city where I live. We spent a lot of money we couldn't really spare to go to a destination wedding last year- and I would have really preferred to save the money and stay home.

Friends/relatives of the husband I'm guessing?


/not snark, just picking up keywords in your post


Friends of my boyfriend, yea. Honestly though- he's the one that really didn't want to go and was really bummed about how much we had to spend on it.
 
2013-02-08 04:53:13 PM  
This is why I am engaged but never getting married.  Too much hassles and drama with the friends and family.
 
2013-02-08 05:29:18 PM  
I'll laugh so much when the "LSD spiked punch" and "laxative brownies darken couple's wedding day" stories start coming in. Damn bouchedags deserve every smegma spackled petit four and dingleberry-chip cookie that makes it onto their reception dessert table.
 
kth
2013-02-08 05:32:17 PM  
The only person I felt sort of bad about not inviting was my dad's cousin.  Despite knowing full well that she wasn't going to be invited, as closer relatives weren't invited, she still threw me a wedding shower and invited my entire family and all of the local friends she could track down, had everyone out to her gorgeous house and had a lovely caterer.

But if I invited her, the guest list would have to have been over 100 instead of 39.
 
2013-02-08 05:48:26 PM  
This is something that wouldn't be necessary if most adults were capable of behaving like grownups.

Why do weddings make everybody act like such colossal assholes?
 
2013-02-08 05:50:35 PM  

megalynn44: Here's how I told people they weren't invited: I didn't send them an invitation with the details on where to go and when.

Srsly though, I don't have the problem of too many friends. The only people expecting an invite who didn't get one were the massive branches of extended family. We only had so much room at the venue, so if you we're not a direct descendant of a grandparent, you didn't get an invite. Seemed reasonable to me.


Please stop making sense this instant. You're on Fark.
 
2013-02-08 06:08:42 PM  
I don't fixate on which weddings I didn't get invited to, I'm not a 12-year-old girl.

If I ever got a "non-invitation," I'd wish them well and that's it. No gift.
 
2013-02-08 06:11:54 PM  

Phins: This is breathtakingly rude. People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation. And it's equally rude to ask if you're invited. But I wonder if some people are getting questions from people asking about their invitations or assuming they're invited and don't have the guts to tell them personally that they're not on the list.

There's a problem that crops up frequently. The couple sends an invitation addressed to two people. The reply card comes back with 4 people attending. It's usually people who can't comprehend that their children aren't invited (and often refuse to attend unless the kids are invited).

When I was wedding planning and going on planning message boards, I found that a lot of people are doing things backward. They pick a reception venue, then they realize they can't invite many people either because the place is too small or it's too expensive.

I have professional event planning and experience and people have asked me for wedding planning advice. Then they tell me I'm wrong or they ignore what I tell them. It's why I won't do wedding planning. It's impossible to get some people to understand budgeting. I tell them it needs to be their first step: determine the total amount of money you have to spend. And they something like "I can't do that until I know how much things cost." Or "well, how much will it cost?" It can cost any amount you like. "No, how much does a regular wedding cost?" And then I strangle her.


Why am I not surprised by this.

People are goddam retards.
 
2013-02-08 07:21:17 PM  
there's a This American Life for that

/bonus points: David Rakoff

Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace.
 
2013-02-08 10:06:05 PM  

Phins: This is breathtakingly rude. People know they're not invited when they don't get an invitation. And it's equally rude to ask if you're invited. But I wonder if some people are getting questions from people asking about their invitations or assuming they're invited and don't have the guts to tell them personally that they're not on the list.

There's a problem that crops up frequently. The couple sends an invitation addressed to two people. The reply card comes back with 4 people attending. It's usually people who can't comprehend that their children aren't invited (and often refuse to attend unless the kids are invited).

When I was wedding planning and going on planning message boards, I found that a lot of people are doing things backward. They pick a reception venue, then they realize they can't invite many people either because the place is too small or it's too expensive.

I have professional event planning and experience and people have asked me for wedding planning advice. Then they tell me I'm wrong or they ignore what I tell them. It's why I won't do wedding planning. It's impossible to get some people to understand budgeting. I tell them it needs to be their first step: determine the total amount of money you have to spend. And they something like "I can't do that until I know how much things cost." Or "well, how much will it cost?" It can cost any amount you like. "No, how much does a regular wedding cost?" And then I strangle her.


I'm going to weigh in from the other side.  It actually is hard to plan a wedding without knowing how much things normally cost.  Everything for a wedding is jacked up to about 3 times the price you'd expect (especially since most people are planning a wedding for the first time).  When I got married, I started out with an idea that a few thousand dollars should be plenty to have a nice ceremony and reception for close family and friends.  I planned to stick to that hard because I'm stubborn and what on earth would be worth spending more than that?

Working from that perspective, I spent months being frustrated when I found out that I *could* do it within that price point, if everyone met in my parents' backyard and I personally made the food and decorations and carted them down myself (which I physically couldn't do without quitting my job).  My caterer had your attitude and was very hard to work with.  It was much easier to work with people who would explain what was available and the various costs, let me go out and price shop and then decide what to make a priority before I made a final decision.  I did not go into debt for my wedding and there was still money left in my savings when it was over.  The "maximum amount I had to spend" far exceeded what I was willing to spend before I understood what I was buying.  It's not as stupid a question as it sounds.

As for the guest list, I was actually pretty ruthless (to my husband's frustration.  About 60% of the guests ended up being his.  I cut all but immediate family and really close friends) but I would never have dreamed of sending "you're not invited" announcements or having a planner call people.  Anyone I saw while planning the wedding (and honestly, anyone I didn't see at some point within that 15 months really didn't expect an invitation) was told that it was a small wedding and that I wished I could invite everyone but it was only going to be close friends and family.
 
2013-02-08 10:13:49 PM  
As someone who's getting married next week, and didn't invite the grandparents, I'm getting a kick...

/csb
 
2013-02-09 10:15:51 PM  
Has anyone gotten invited to the new "Friday Afternoon Cash Grab" weddings that are new and growing in popularity?  Wedding is at 4:00 pm on Friday afternoon, in someplace FAR from everyone.  Unless you also wanna take a half day on Thursday, all of Friday and shell out for travel + accommodations, you don't go.  This keeps the guest acceptance list very small, and they register for $255 place settings and $100 stemware.  You don't go, so they 'invite' you to spend what you would have spent on travel etc., on their gift.
 
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