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(Indecision Forever)   The best Stand-Up in congress is a Mormon Republican from Utah. No, really, here's a sample: "If you haven't seen Life of Pi, it's not about Chris Christie.", "I'm told that Django Unchained is not a dramatization of Ron Paul's newsletters"   (indecisionforever.com) divider line 43
    More: Amusing, Life of Pi, Chris Christie, Republican, Utah, Jason Chaffetz, Heidi Heitkamp, White House Correspondents Dinner, Quentin Tarantino  
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2576 clicks; posted to Politics » on 07 Feb 2013 at 4:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



43 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2013-02-07 03:34:02 PM
"So have you seen this Biden guy? Crazy ol' Joe is like that grandfather of yours that's slipping a little but you still wanna rock out with him. This is a weird change from Cheney. Cheney, man, I bet when his daughter brought her girlfriend home the first time, he offered to take her "quail hunting". At least Biden'll buy you a beer and take you for a drive around D.C. before he boots ya"

"And what's the deal with the GOP lately? Cantor, McConnell, Boehner. They are like the whitest damn porn names. Cantor? Damn near killed her. 'hey baby, I got your boehner for you to filibuster all over. mmmm yeah, McConnell this shiat, let's go!"

"Gun nuts, whoa nelly gun nuts. The great thing about gun nuts is that they normally don't know when you're mocking them. The bad thing about gun nuts...they'll shoot you in the face anyway. 'The second amendment is our god given right to own a gun that can take down a 10 point bullet-proof buck, boy howdy' Well that's all fine and dandy, but you've got a jesus fish on your car, a "don't tread on me" sticker and a bumper sticker that says "If you live in America, speak American," So I gotta ask you, how many times did Jesus shoot Pilate? The bastard was taking away his right to life but you didn't see Jesus grab a sword like in those Rambo movies and just slice 14 farking romans to shreds. He was the son of farking god and even *he* couldn't prevent a bunch of people from telling him what to do. So while I applaud your sense of self-worth and american-ness, remember that America is made up of a bunch of other farking people and even Jesus wouldn't be accepted here because you'd look at him and go "hey-zeus? man, you better speak english, farker. Me No Speaky SPANISH. What's that? You're speaking arabic? what are you, some sort of terrist? Get the fark back to your own damn country. You towel head,' ....and people wonder why even God gets so pissed sometimes..."
 
2013-02-07 03:59:28 PM
Take my Representative...please.

Seriously, guy's all sorts of farked up.
 
2013-02-07 04:08:25 PM
heh.

Chaffetz is a real charmer.
 
2013-02-07 04:19:11 PM
Hmm.  Chief of staff to Gov. Huntsman ....then worked for R'Money during the 2012 primaries.

 
2013-02-07 04:36:36 PM
So basically he's the sober, non-gay version of Log Cabin Republicans?

Look in the mirror and self-loathe, prick.  Be opportunistic scum.

//DNRTFA, am probably way off
 
2013-02-07 04:37:35 PM
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2013-02-07 04:37:46 PM
FTA:

* The Chaffetz joke that makes us go hmmm: "The only advantage to being a Republican in this town is you get to park in the handicap spot."

Someone needs to tell him that's physically handicapped, not mentally.
 
2013-02-07 04:38:49 PM

Diogenes: Take my Representative...please.

Seriously, guy's all sorts of farked up.


Came here to say this. Funny or not, he's a smarmy douche.

Oh, and a moron.

/Didn't know you were from Utah.
 
2013-02-07 04:43:04 PM
was this held in the Poconos in the 60s?
 
2013-02-07 04:47:55 PM

Mikey1969: Diogenes: Take my Representative...please.

Seriously, guy's all sorts of farked up.

Came here to say this. Funny or not, he's a smarmy douche.

Oh, and a moron.

/Didn't know you were from Utah.


Oh, I was speaking more generally/youngmanny.

Mine's Daniel Webster.  Awesome name, douchey Congressman.
 
2013-02-07 04:49:02 PM

skullkrusher: was this held in the Poconos in the 60s?


wait, it isn't still 1960 in the poconos?
 
2013-02-07 04:50:01 PM

tlchwi02: skullkrusher: was this held in the Poconos in the 60s?

wait, it isn't still 1960 in the poconos?


Nobody puts tlchwi02 in the corner!

/Catskills, whatever
 
2013-02-07 04:56:54 PM

skullkrusher: Nobody puts tlchwi02 in the corner!

/Catskills, whatever


pretty sure its still 1960 down there too....
 
2013-02-07 04:57:36 PM

tlchwi02: skullkrusher: Nobody puts tlchwi02 in the corner!

/Catskills, whatever

pretty sure its still 1960 down there too....


I think they're gonna get 1960' of snow
 
2013-02-07 05:02:28 PM

Diogenes: Mikey1969: Diogenes: Take my Representative...please.

Seriously, guy's all sorts of farked up.

Came here to say this. Funny or not, he's a smarmy douche.

Oh, and a moron.

/Didn't know you were from Utah.

Oh, I was speaking more generally/youngmanny.

Mine's Daniel Webster.  Awesome name, douchey Congressman.


You name your kid Daniel Webster, you obviously expect great things, don't you?
 
2013-02-07 05:30:00 PM

desertgeek: FTA:

* The Chaffetz joke that makes us go hmmm: "The only advantage to being a Republican in this town is you get to park in the handicap spot."

Someone needs to tell him that's physically handicapped, not mentally.


Well, they do have their heads up their asses.  I have to imagine that is worth at least a temp window placard.
 
2013-02-07 05:39:15 PM
Is that the guy who did the leg wrestling with Colbert?  Yeah, he came off as kind of funny, or at least a very good sport.
 
2013-02-07 05:42:32 PM
Chaffetz used to be my congressman. Now I have Matheson. Matheson is a democrat who is just to the right of Ann Coulter. But it's Utah. I get together with the other two democrats at the annual convention.
 
2013-02-07 05:45:23 PM

Diogenes: Mine's Daniel Webster.  Awesome name, douchey Congressman.


4.bp.blogspot.com

Disapproves.

/obscure?
 
2013-02-07 06:00:37 PM
OK well at least he's funnier than Dennis Miller.
 
2013-02-07 06:04:11 PM

coeyagi: So basically he's the sober, non-gay version of Log Cabin Republicans?

Look in the mirror and self-loathe, prick.  Be opportunistic scum.

//DNRTFA, am probably way off


He's a Republican, perhaps the first Republican ever, who who appears to have discovered actual humor, instead of "huurrrrrrrrrr, lets just insult the other guys...we hate them, so everyone will applaud no matter how boring I am, hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr."
 
2013-02-07 06:04:11 PM

sgtlejeune: Matheson is a democrat who is just to the right of Ann Coulter.


Could have been Mia Love instead...
 
2013-02-07 06:06:54 PM

Emposter: coeyagi: So basically he's the sober, non-gay version of Log Cabin Republicans?

Look in the mirror and self-loathe, prick.  Be opportunistic scum.

//DNRTFA, am probably way off

He's a Republican, perhaps the first Republican ever, who who appears to have discovered actual humor, instead of "huurrrrrrrrrr, lets just insult the other guys...we hate them, so everyone will applaud no matter how boring I am, hurrrrrrrrrrrrrr."


Actually, to be fair, it was probably some college kid interning for him or a professional writer, but I figure that's how pretty much every politician get's their jokes, so I judge him by what he's willing ot stand up on a stage and say out loud.
 
2013-02-07 06:30:20 PM
Finally! We have a name for the person who greenlights threads on Fark.
 
2013-02-07 06:41:29 PM
The first step is make fun of your own. To do that you have to recognize your flaws. Most consevatives can't do this.
 
2013-02-07 07:01:11 PM
The best Stand-Up in congress

O RLY?

t0.gstatic.com
 
2013-02-07 07:14:23 PM

Mikey1969: sgtlejeune: Matheson is a democrat who is just to the right of Ann Coulter.

Could have been Mia Love instead...


I know. And the raging power of suck that embodies that awfulness will probably come to fruition in 2014.
 
2013-02-07 08:03:26 PM

desertgeek: FTA:

* The Chaffetz joke that makes us go hmmm: "The only advantage to being a Republican in this town is you get to park in the handicap spot."

Someone needs to tell him that's physically handicapped, not mentally.


I AM handicapped: I'm psychotic.

image15.spreadshirt.com
 
2013-02-07 08:08:54 PM
He's the same guy that got on the House Oversight Committee so he could try to dismantle the TSA. It seems likely that he's a jerk in other ways, but he's got slightly more respect from me than many of other members of congress. Glad to see he's got a sense of humor.
 
2013-02-07 08:48:48 PM

desertgeek: FTA:

* The Chaffetz joke that makes us go hmmm: "The only advantage to being a Republican in this town is you get to park in the handicap spot."

Someone needs to tell him that's physically handicapped, not mentally.


Or morally.
 
2013-02-07 09:21:30 PM
Doesn't take much to make r-tards giggle, does it?
 
2013-02-07 09:22:26 PM

Ruelle: Doesn't take much to make r-tards giggle, does it?


ironic
 
2013-02-07 09:34:24 PM
 Doesn't take much to make r-tards giggle, does it?

ironic


Did you gigggle, Skully?
 
2013-02-07 09:36:24 PM

Ruelle: Doesn't take much to make r-tards giggle, does it?

ironic

Did you gigggle, Skully?


no. In fact I referenced the Poconos earlier. See, what I was saying is that it is ironic that you were presumably be talking about the relatively simple minds the "r-tards" have while using the word "r-tard". Turns out you are what you pretend to mock.
Nice work.
 
2013-02-07 09:54:24 PM
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2013-02-07 10:11:01 PM

Ruelle: [sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 500x700]


Friend of mine was biatching the other day about how his new iPhone wasn't compatible with the charger built in to his BMW. Caught himself right afterwards, shook his head and said holy shiat that's a white person problem. Good stuff
 
2013-02-07 10:52:08 PM
I mock R-tards, not because I think they're cute or funny but because I need to. It's becoming harder and harder every day to share the same planet with idiots who think every abortion is juz some liberal biatch who got knocked up on purpose so she could "kill a baby". Or, who thinks that it's their gawd givin' right to have as many boom booms as they want and whatever kind!!! and we should just arm evergodamnbody!!!That'll keep the kids safe!!More boom booms!!! Or numbskulls who really think we just need to give more to those who already have more than they can shove in their faces , and that'll cause there to, miraculously, be more for those who don't have enough to feed their children. The nitwits who think we need to stop funding public schools 'cause alls our chillin's need are more guns and bibles! And they's already plenty o them around...just not enough.              Every person I know that votes republican is a 1 issue person. They lack the empathy required to care about issues that they don't think directly affects them. I mock them because I need to........
 
2013-02-07 10:57:48 PM

Fart_Machine: OK well at least he's funnier than Dennis Miller.



Not exactly a high bar; a dog peeing on a fire hydrant is funnier than Dennis Miller.
 
2013-02-08 02:49:48 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
That used to be my schtick, lady.
 
2013-02-08 09:35:00 AM

Ruelle: [sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 500x700]


You know what else are white people problems? A banking system so rife with fraud, even Silvio Berlusconi is wondering "Where does it end?" And what's great about it is that we all have to participate, because, hey, "Economy!"

What a made up stupid problem. "I should have to put up with this, because I'm American."
 
2013-02-08 09:43:36 AM

Ruelle: It's becoming harder and harder every day to share the same planet with idiots who think every abortion is juz some liberal biatch who got knocked up on purpose so she could "kill a baby". Or, who thinks that it's their gawd givin' right to have as many boom booms as they want and whatever kind!!! and we should just arm evergodamnbody!!!That'll keep the kids safe!!More boom booms!!!


I think maybe you need to stop reading the internets and watching the news for a couple weeks, man. Quit winding yourself up over other people's opinions.

/ just my opinion
 
2013-02-08 10:10:15 AM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: /obscure?


Seriously?  The Devil and Daniel Webster?  There are plenty of old farts on Fark.  Just ask Henry.
/the lawn, get yourself off it.
//And wipe your shoes.
///And pull up your pants!
/V Cut your hair!
V  Get a job!
V/ *shakes cane*
 
2013-02-09 07:52:02 PM
* Chaffetz on Congress: "I don't know why everyone hates us so much-it's not like we've done anything."

That's the joke?
 
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